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Full text of "The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer"

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rillLADI'.I.IMriA. 

Jesper Ilai'dim^ 






CONFESSIONS 



HAERY LORtlEQUEK. 

\ I 



WITH NUMERODB XLLIOTBATIONS 



BT 



P H I Zi |*5ewta 



**W« talked of pipt-clmj— r^iatatioii capt— 

Long twenty-fourt— tbort eulTerlni and roortaif— 
ODndenin*d tbe *HorM GttarA' for a Mt of rapa 

And cunad our ftita at being In aucb quartan. 
fltome anoked, eome eigbad, and aome were heard la ansrei 

Borne wlebed thameelvea Ave fltthome 'neath the Bolwiyi 
And aoBM did pray— who never prayed before^ 

ThAt tliey aufht get the 'route for C^rk or <MMf.' ** 



H- 



^^^^^«»M»*M»»M^^»*«W«> ^ 



THIRD AMEBICAN EDmOX. 



PHILADELPHIA: 

JESPER- HARDING. 

1847. 



, ^- 



J 



•'" f . ^. ^ : 



./'»■.;■.) 



THE HEW TOM 
PUBUC LIBRARY 

A8TOR. LENOX Al» 
iTlLD&N FOUNDATlOWal 
R 1932 



SIK GEORGlB HAMILTON SEYMOUB, 6. C. H. 

> « 

• hinister flbnifotentiary, and enyot bxtraordinart at vrvxkluim* 

Mt dear Sir Hamilton : 

If a feather will show how the wind blows, perhaps my dedJk 
eating to you even as light matter as these Confessions, may in 
some measure prove how grateful I feel for the inany kindnesses 
I have received from you m the course of our intimacy. While 
thus acknowledging a debt, I must also, avow that another motive 
strongly pronapts me upon this occasion. I am not aware of any 
one, to whom, with such propriety, a volume of anecdote and 
adventure should be inscribed, as to one, himself well-known as 
an inimitable narrator. Could I have stolen for my story, any 
portion of the grace and humour with which I have heard you 
adorn many of your own, while I should deem this offering more 
worthy of your acceptance, I should also feel more confident of its 
reception by the public. 

With every sentiment of esteem and regard. 

Believe me very faithfully yours, 
y THE AUTHOR. 

0] Brazelles, December, 1839. 

H . 

CO. 3 . 

X . 

CM 

CO . 



I . I 









A WORD OF INTRODUCTION. 



■ Stoiy! God blew yoa ; I hvre none to teU, wr." 



It is now many--^o not ask me to say ho^ many— years siiiei 
I i;eceiv€fd from the Horse Onards the welcome intdHigeMe time I 
was gazetted to an ensigncy in his Majesty's— th Foot, and ttiat 
my name, which had figured so long in the '^DukeV list, with 
the words ^ a very hard case'' appended, should at length appear 
in the monthly record of promotions and appointments. 

Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes of war 
and peace. The camp and the bivouac — ^the reckless gayety of the 
mess table— the comfortless solitude of a French prison — the excit- 
ing turmoils of active service — ^the wearisome monotony of garri- 
son duty, I have alike partaken of, and experienced. A career of 
this kind, with a temperament ever ready to go with the humour of 
those about him, will always be sure of its meed of adventure^ 
Such has mine been ; and with no greater pretensions than to 
chronide a few of the scenes in which I have borne a part, and 
revive the memory of the otfier actors in them — some, alas! now 
no more-^I have ventured upon these ^* Confessions." 

If I have not here selected that portion of my life which mo^t 

abounded in striking events and incidents most worthy of recording, 

my excuse is simply, because, being my first appearance upon the 

beards, I preferred accustoming myself to the look of the house, 

15 



IC ▲ woMD ov nrrmonvGnov, 

while perfonning the <<Cock/' to coming hefoiSs the aodieiio^ fai' 
the more difficult part of Hamlet 

As there are wihappily impracticable people in the world, who, 
as Curran expressed it, are never content to know ^ who killed the 
gaogen if you canH inform them who wore his corduroys" — to all 
sudi I would, in deep hamHity, say, that with my ^ Confessions'' 
they have nothing to do— ?I have neither story nor moral— my 
only pretension to the one»is the detail of i^ passion which 'marked 
some years of my lile ; my only attempt at the other, tfie effort to 
diow Bow prolific in hair-breadth 'scapes may a man's career 
becomes, who, Willi a warm Imagination and easy temper, believes 
too much, and rarely can feign a part without forgetting that he is 
Mdng. Havjog satf Am Baueh» I musi oooe nofe hevaakthe 
iadolgeDoeasirarwitiibeUl ftomatrU9eoteQl»ftad«tra0sbf|gki 
wtf ^^ronftssinni " 



PREFATORY EPISTLE. 



AlAA Public^ 
When ftvst I set dboat leoondkig Htm m&am whioh MMPf IkMt 

psegeS) I bed &o Inteiitioa ai cootaiuriDg dtflov uM^pt i& Mdbl Mnjf 
ftnd ecaicerad frttgimots as tbei oAvams ef a BbigfuiiQi^ pMwit <>f f 
cad wfceD; «l tengtb, i ditommed liMHtwaMi iolmwt hadafltaAiA 
Mt ^rtjr te the adreiil«Mii^ bat to tkeir 3Maiiutov» I wmU ^di^ 
have Mtked widi a«r ^Ui^ kuMd%'^ ftema Mffe> o|i ^viiktb 
hMiag only ^Qgafed ta appear ibit'WMB ^bf^nc/Uii I wm 4mtiiwi 
t» oene Ibivatd as tt pnoi^flid ^duoa^ 

Among the << miseries of hmnan life/' a mcNUtm^dBf: <Kll| Jf 
spsiBm oCi*4h» faBiag#hiigad l^iiateii as Ifaa wpetiH a a «ftis,)»dl7 
auDg aaog, Issoatne sdme wril-^vishliigi ImH nat tsv^slieofipt film^. 
a£:tli»«B^gef, has naMad fcH>iiy.fbnsiJi<iiw»» 

i b^ 4ai7 lurii lo&aa ikat aamatt^ 
f taoejaaBSy^Md that I shoirid hai«f*aQlad^ fi«^riair J«^l¥Ml X 'hm^^. 
antemed wMi aroti AaatJU^^^^ litisar«M(iai AphAi^. 

and loiixBd ^nm Aa boalds iai ifai^j^aBaiif . 4ahliiWrpC fW^f^i 
rv tha aame aas|s>t$TOpwawsf at ^SfM Imhu* fAw- 
ao^hefaia^haabden fiiilbMl|o«MAMa; «fiA ^nhisafW x 

SaaoAchiaf apahigf iiir tte laattaP-HP^^ 
of my ofiendingy and I have done. I wrote as I felt— eometimea 



Sy I'eaii da'M batiar* 



a The DnbUn Unirendty Hagasbs. ^ 
1* 



6 PBCFA'1'0&7 EPISTLE. 

When the celibacy of the Fellows of Trinity College, Dul^, 
became an active law in that University, the Board proceeded to 
enforce it, by summoning to their presence aU the individuals who 
it was well known had transgressed the regulation, and among 
them figured .Di;. S.^majiyof Vfho^ sipns were at the same time 
^students in the colfege. "Are you married, Dr. S r ?'' said the 
bachelor vice-provost, in all the dignity and pride of conscious 
innocence. "Ma»iAd-l-'^--said ^e..&aher-4>f ten children, with a 
start of involuntary horror; — ^* married ?*' "Yes, sir, married.*^ 
"Why, sir, I am no more married than the provo^t.^ 1?iis waa 
(jpafle' ei^dl^-^o f£{rtlier.<|iiestioiis were aA^d,^ndibi^hMA of 
tbe ■■ Unl^rslty yidten&i *a theieifui course • towaKUi the offeadi^. 
fofreptidMing^'his Wife and disowning his ^failidren. Kawfor.the 
^p|i!li<;atfott. Osrtaiti captious and incredulous peppto have diotabt^d 
th6^i»i^aidl«f of tbi^^9(^entiires:I <haVB recofsLed ia theise pagf8$ h,d» 
nbt'iY&TAit njBdissaFft0 aj^peal'to ooncuarreoi lestimoay and-m^ 
tole'Witnessei ibr theit^ proof ;ibtit I pleo^ mjftaalf io ih^iaal thai 
every tittle I have related is asvtrue'as tbatmy imma ia^ HiOm^^ynir 
tLn«M:isay!mbre?i- • , . . : ' \ ' 

Y'*Af/oftk Mi^l^ctiDn haii teenmada to my nasrative^ and lioatepi 
^^^it^%t Without a w<>M of rema]^;^f^theiec8itfe«n^ are 
wanting in scenes of U!»uchingand^i^thetk^iiiiiteB«t;^'*fc-*4TU^ 
ft'ueilMf 'l^6oii6dl4 liiyi^lf ondiiab^adyfoi'I j^mambeit immbgot 
9n aiAhW^wliose paraphrase of the book of <rob wasireteed'bj^a 
^tiBIiMier, # ^he couM not thi'ow a litUe taove hamaur inio jt |f and 
itUikre not'beeiii liKnrs'mi^^able'and more^imfaappjr^ I am ter^r 
litiirf for ie on jfoufMoaanty but you mast exc^isawy Yfl)p»tlittg 
Km-my'chffn. I Ali6th^ «tory,and I M^ dmie^-^die Nawfttle 
Calendar makes thentlon of a hitforious hduasMaaker, fsdi6 data^ 
Mir V^rcer of outttig^ and'vldon^ by the mufdar^ 

T'^'M^^Ma^^ aatlibt^ft peiH$j^i6A^ to'«tt^, thMaU tiia pallia^ ttdsiav 
^ing incidenls of his career he has reserved for a.feeoad m^.oi}^.Qo^^ 
I," to be entitled « Lorreque/ Married P^-^Fubmer's ZVbfe. v > 



^o i jia ^ 



»SFATORT X7ISTLX. 7 

whose house he robbed ; on the scaffold he entreated permission to 
spealc a few words to the crowd beneath, and thus addressed them: 
— ^ My friends, it is quite true I murdered this &mily ; in cold 
blood I did it — one by one they fell beneath my hand, while I 
rifleddieir coffers, and. took forth their effects; but one thing is 
imputed to me, which I cannot die without denying— it is asserted 
that I stole an extinguisher ; the contemptible character of this 
petty theft is a stain upon my reputation, that I qannot suffer te 
disgftace my memory.'' So would I now address you for all tht 
graver offences of my book; I stand forth guilty— miserably 
palpably guilty— they are mine, every one of them; and 
dare not, I cannot deny them^ but if you think that th 
Mnnders in French and the hash of spelling so widely spread 
isirough these pages, are attributable to me; on the faitfi of a 
gentleman, I pledge myself you are wrong, and that I had no- 
thing to do with them. If my thanks for the kundness and 
indulgence with which these hastily written and rashly conceived' 
sketdies have been received by the press and the public, are of 
any avail, let me ladd; in cionclusion, that a more grateful author 
does not ezist than 

Habbt LoaJSJBQUJU. 



f 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER L 



AniTBl in Cork-.-€nic Fesdyilieik—Prina^ Th^atncals 



..?8 



^ CHAPTER n. 

I)6tachment Duty---The Buiton AnA&H-4I?«Hiaft^ - • n • • - 17 

CHAPTER m, ^ 
1J6 at CaUonby---LoTe-ma]diig.^Mi« 0^<nv4*i adYBntoie ^* • "! ^ 

CHAPTER IV. 
Botameal Sfadie*— The Natural System pteferable to the TJuna^^i^ • • M 

CHAPTER V. 
n99z]ed--Explaintioii--Jtfake8 bad wor8e---The Duel • • ' • • M 

CHAPTER VI. 
1|» Piieei'i Supi^er— |*a1lier Maiachi and &e Coadjatov— Mi||er Jonas waA 

teAbbe- - - ... . ..^. - ^* - «l 

, . . CHAPTER Vn. 

Tin Lady*a LBtteii^--^PM8r and bit aoquaintaiieee--Too te^ « • «i M 

CHAPTER VHL 
CoBgratolatioiw— Siek Leav»— How to paM the Board • * •' • 4t 

- - - CHAPTER DL . , 

Tbe Roed--TiaTdling AflqQala|aiiee(i---A pa^ • • • §9 

CHAPTER X. • 

Dpaeuatfindaiid Body - • . ^ . • ^ . • fT 

CHAPTER XL 
ChellBDham-4yiatrioionial A 4 w i i i l |iiu tbwri ag hem to naki lot* ftr ft 



CHAPTSS fSL 



10 C0NTS2CTS. 

CHAPTER Xni. ' 
Dnbliiip-p-Thelkaxd&iig^house— Select --••---ifi 

CHAPTER XIV. 
The Chase -•- -•••135 

CHAPTER XV. 
Mems. of theNortihCork- - '- -' - > • - - -146 

CHAPTER XVI. 
Theatricalf ^ -..---..-•.-16« 

CHAPTER XVn. 
1}i0 wager ;• - - - - '• - .- • - . .'SJ 

CHAPTER XVni. 
The Elopement ,- • -• - - -170 

' • * CHAPTER XIX^ 

Detachment Duty— ^An Assize Towzi - - - • - - - 178 

' CHAPTER XX. I 

The Assize Town - - -* - -.182 

CHAPTER XXI. 
ADayinDoblin ^- - - - - 188 

CHAPTER XXn. 
AnightatHowth - - ' - - - - - - • - 194 

, . , . CHAPTER XXin. 

fl^JaaxDej '•.'.• " " ' ' " . * * ^ . * ^^ 

CHAPTER XXIV. 
9aMis;.'ar. 903 

CHAPTER XXV. 
Hie Gen d'Anne > -• - -....- - - -^ ail 

CHAPTER XXVI. 
ThelhnatChuitiune-- ; - • '- - - - • < -1 - ^'HM 

* CHAPTER XXVH. 
lir.0'L6ai7 • . - -./.... . - -) . - 930 

^"^ • ' • - "CHAPTER XXVHL 

«:);"'-.: .:•. /. CHAPTER XHX: 

wfe»' - • -/• -;;- 1 - •->:.'- - '- '- - - ^ -»':«« 

CBril^TEk ICCC i 



• 



• 



4/kK«jnf«9. tl 






Renltifl*- •• -'• -• -• •- -- -- -- t'-t.^. ^ •"■?-.' 



IStpfanadoB • " • - • • 

Wi. O'Leuy's Pint Lore • - • • • . - . • . . . ly^ ■*'. . <'fn) 

OHJLPVBB XaCXIV. 
-Mk O'Leaiy's Second'LoT* -- -■ -- -• •- .• .< • » •'-tM 

OBXPTBR XXZXT. 

The Bmi - -•.--- - . . ■. . . ;'. gm -, 'jaagk 

CKAFTER XXXVL 



'^ ! 



i . CHAPTER XXXVn. 

, , cHkipTER x 'xvtn. 

TKbPioposal. *..'.'.-. . ' . . - .^ -aft 

CHAPTER XXXIXe 
Thoughts ap<m Matrimony in general, and in the Anny in paztioQlaii— Tlie 

Kmght of Keny and Billy M'Cabe • - . . ^ « - ^ - S06 

CHAPTER XL. 
A Bamiaiaoenea •!•••..••«,. jqq 

CHAPTER XLL 
Tha Two Lattna • • « • •,•318 

^ CHAPTER XLH. 
Mr. 0*Laaiy'a Oaptme « jr • . ^. -^[381 

' CHAPTER XLHL 
ThaJouiiMj ••• • . • « . . « » 315 

CHAPTER XLIY. 
ThaJounwy - • i - ^ J. . «W 

CHAPTER XLV. 
ARarainiaefloaaintliaEaat ....• •••SSi 

CHAPTER XLVL 
A Day in tha Phcudx - - ^« • . • •:-(-« SIf 

CHAPTER XLVm 
An Advantiiie in Canada* «••««•••• ftg 

CHAPTER XLYOL 
ThaCmirier'sPiMpart • ... . ^. r v c* '/$m 



4 

I 



10 



j|Mgliti»8tnibo«ig 

ClUPTBtLi 



A 






CfEAPratUB* 

taiMiiaUi - • -; - - ^ «f 

CHAFTERLIV. 

1 ^11 . - • • • - - - T * J5 . ? .' • T '^^ 

CUJkFTESLhY. 
APiMowr • - '^-•*' 

CHAPTiaiLYL 



2.5 



) 



COIfFESSIONS 



0^ 



HAREY LORREQXfER. 



CHAPTER I. 

JOIXCTULL IK CO»K— -CIVIC PlBSTIVITIli« — MUTATE THSATftlCAZtS. 

I-r wasr on a splendid morning in the atrtumn of liie year irstr 
ttiat the Howard transport, with four hundi^ed of his Majesey^ 
4-^h Regt., dropped anchor in the beautiftil harbor of Oove ; the 
sea shone under the purple light of the rising sun with a rich rosy 
hue, beautifully in contrast with the different tints of the foliage 
of the deep woods already tinged with the brown of autumn. 
Spike Island ky " sleeping upon its brpad shadow/' and the largB 
ensign which crowns the battery was wrapped around the flag- 
sta^ there not being even air enough to stir it. It was still so 
early, that but few persons lurere abroad ; and as we leaned over 
tfie bulwarks, and looked now, fb/ the first time for eight long years, . 
upon British ground, many an eye filled^ and many a heaving 
breast told how full of recollections that short moment was, ana ^ 
hofr different our feelings from tlie gay buoyancy with which we, 
had sailed from that same harbor for the Peninsula ; many of our 
best and bravest had we left behind us, and more than one nathis 
to the bnd we were approaching had found his last rest in the soil 
of the stranger. It was^ then,, with a mingled sense of pain and 
pleasure, we gazed upon that p^ceful lit^e village, whose whits 
cottages lay dotted along the edge of the harbor. The moody 
ailence our thoughts bad shed over us was soon broken : the prepa 
rations for disembarking had begun, and I recoDect welt to uAs 
hour how, shaking off th^ load that oppressed my hea^, I descended 
ttui gangway, humming poor W6lfe*s well known s{ong»— 

«Wh9r4,iolcK0r%wfcy, 
Shouikl w» bo flMlanclielyy bpyf 1 '* 

Axui to this elasticity of spirits — ^whether the result of any' p*iA» 
fkm> or the gift of God — as Dogberry has it— I know not; — ^t owe^ 
Ite greater portbn of flie happinsse I ha v« enjoy^ i»i ft lilb, 
dMig&Br and vicisaitiides have equalled most men's. ' ^ 



i9 COimSSIOKS 09 ^ABXY LOBBiBQlTSX. # 

Drawn up in a line along the shore, I could scarce refrain fron 
a smile at our appearance. Four weeks on board a transpoi 
will certainly not contribute much to the ^^persanneP' of an^ 
unfortunate therein confined ; but when, in addition to this, yoi 
take into account that we had not received new clothes for thre 
years — if I except caps for our grenadiers, originally intended fo 
a Scotch regiment, but found to be all too small for tkelong-heade 
generation. Many a patch of brown and gray variegated th 
zaded scarlet " of our uniform,*' and scarcely a pair of knees in th 
entire regiment did not confess their obligations to a blanket. . Be 
with all this, we showed a stout, weather-beaten front, that, di: 

Eosed as the passer-by might feel to laugh at our expense, ver 
ttle caution would teach him it was fully as safe to indulge it i 
his sleeve. 

The bells from every steeple and tower rung gaily out a peal o 
welcome, as we marched into " that beautiful city called Cork, 
our band playing " Garryowen"— for we had been originally raise 
in Ireland, and stUl among our officers maintained a strong majorit 
from that land of punch, priests, and potatoes — the tattered fla 
of the regiment proudly waving over our heads, and not a ma 
amongst us whose warm heart did not bound behind a Waterlc 
me4al. Well — well ! I atn now — alas, that I should say it — som< 
what in the " sear and yellow ;'* and I confess, after the expenen< 
of some moments of high, triumphant feeling, that I never befo: 
felt within me, the same animating, spirit-filling glow of deligl 
as rose within my heart that day, as I marched at the head of n 
company down George's-street. 

? We were soon settled in barracks ; and then began a series 
entertainments on the side of the civic dignities of Cork, whi< 
soon led most of us to believe that we had only escaped sh 
and shell to fau less gloriously beneath champagne and claret. 
do not ,believe there is a coroner in the island who would ha 
pronounced but the one verdict over the regiment — " Killed by tl 
mayor and corporation,'' had we so fallen. 

First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork — and, if i 
them justice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no city need boas 
then we were feasted by the dbrporation ; then by the sherifl 
then came the mayor, solus ; then an address, with a' cold collatic 
that left eight of us on the sick-list for a fortnight : but the dim; 
of all was a grt^nd entertainment given in the mansion-house, ai 
t6 which upwards of two thousand were uivited. It was a speci 
of fancy ball, beginning by a dejeunfe at three o'clock in the aft( 
noon, and ending — ^I never yet met the man who could tell wh 
it ended ; as for myself, my Jinale partook a little of the adveni 
lous, and I may as well relate it. 

After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest gi 

1 ever set eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of the hand, 

i restored her to a most affable-looking old lady in a blue turb 

, aqd a red velvet gown who smiled most benignly on me, a 



eoMvwsiosrs of babrt liOBaxaQBB* sa 

called me *^ Mee^,^^ I retired to recrmt for a new attack^ to a 
small table, where three of ours were quaffing ^^panehe a la 
Bomaine/' with a crowd of Corkagians about them, eagerly 
inquiring after some heroes of their own city, whose deeds of arms 
they were surprised did not obtain special mention from << the 
Duke/' I soon ingratiated myself into this well-occupied clique 
and dosed them with glory to their hearts' content. I resolved at 
once to enter into their humor ; and as the ^ponche" mounted up 
to my brain I gradually found my acquaintance^p extended to 
every family and connecticm in the country. 

^ Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3-th, sir ?'' said a tall, red* 
&ced, red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore no sl%ht 
resemblance to Fea^gus O'Connor. 

^ Phil Beamish !" said I. '* Indeed I did, sir, and do still ; and 
there is not a man in the Bri;tish army I am prouder of knowing/' 
Here, by the way, I may mention that I never heard the name tiU 
tiat moment. 

^ You don't say so, sir," said Feargus — ^for so I must caU him^ 
finr shortness sake. << Has he any chance of the company yet, sir ?'^ 

^ Company !" said I, in astonishment, ^< He obtained his mar 
jority three months since. You cannot possibly have heard from 
him lately, or you woukl have known that ?" 

<< That's true, sir. I never heard since he quitted the d-4h to go 
to Versailles, I think they call it, for his health. But how did he 
^et the step, sir?" * 

^< Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough !" said 
I, quaffing off a tumbler of champagne, to assist my invention. 
^ You know it was about four o'clock in the afternoon of the 18th 
that Napoleoii ordered Grouchy to advance with the first and 
second brigade of the Old Guard and two^regiments of chasseurs, 
and attack the position occupied by Picton and the regiments 
under his command. Well, sir, on they came, masked by the 
smoke of a terrific discharge of artillery, stationed on a small 
eminence to our left, and which did tremendous execi^tion among 
our' poor fellows— on they came, sir; and as the smoke cleared 
partially away we got a glimpse^ of them, and a more dangerous 
looking set I idiould not desire to see : grizzle-bearded, hard-fea- 
tured, bronzed fellows, about five-and-thirty or forty years of age; 
their beauty not a whit improved by the red glare thrown upon 
their faces and along the whole line by each flash of the loiig 
twenty-fours that were playing away to the right. Just at this 
moment Picton rode down the line with his staff, and stopping- 
within a few paces of me, said, < They're coming up : steady, boys y 
steady now ; we shall have somettung to do soon.' And then, 
turning sharply round, he looked in ti^e direction of the French 
battery, that was thundering away again in ftill force, /Ah, that 
must be silenced,' said be. * Where's Beamish ?»— " Says Picton !^^ 
interruipted Feargus, his eyes starting from their sockets, and his 
mouth growing wider every moment, as he listened with the most 



4m- a4B 

\ 

inteiise mterest ^ Yea/' said I, alo^vAy ; attd then^ witb aj^tlvrfn^ 
wiking-noncdialaiiGe of an Italian improvisaito9a> Who abrays^haltB 
aft tfaa most exciting point pf hi9 nanatime^ I b^gsd a WsJmsx msa 
mo to fill my glass from the iced punish, beside hihoL Not a cmnd 
Was heavd as I lifted the bHmper te my lifiisi; aU were bieathless^ia 
their wound-up anxiety to< heaa: of thmr ooimtrynaian who had 
be«> selected by Pieton — &£ what^ too,, they knew not yet, and, 
indeed, at this instant I did not know nvjrseif,. and neasliy lauded 
outright) for the two of onrs who had remained at the table bad a» 
well employed their interval of ease ae tO' become, very pleaaanUf 
dbmk, and were list^ing to my ccMafbunded story with aU the 
fomty and seriousness in the worid» / 

" « Where's Beamish ?' said ficton. *'Here^ sir,' said Phil 8tep»- 
pkigtout from the line, and touching his cap to the geBeral, who, 
takmg him apart for a few minnles, spoke to him with great anih 
maition; We did not know whal; he said ; but before &fe minutes 
were over, there was Phil with three companies of Ught-bohs 
drawn up at our left ; their muskets at the charge^ they set off at a 
rouQd trot down the little steep which closed our flank. We had 
Kit much time to follow their moYements, for our own amusement 
began soon ; but I well remember, after repelling the French at- 
tack, and standing in sqnare against two heavy dbarges of puiras- 
aiers, the first thing I saw where ihe French battery had stood, 
was Phil Beamish and about a handful of brave fellows^ all th»t 
remaiAed from the skirmish. He captured two of the enemy-s 
field-pieces, and was * Captain Beamish^ on the day after;" 

*«Long life to him,'' said at least a dozen voices behind and 
about me, while a general iclanking of decanteie and smacking of 
lips betokened that Phil's heaith with all. tke. honors was^ being 
celebrated.. For myself, I was really so ^grossed by my narra- 
trv=e, and so» excited by the ^^ponche," that I saw or heard very 
little of what was passing around, and have only a kind of dim 
racollectionof being seized by the hand by " Feargus," who was 
Beoanish's. brother, and who, in the fulness of his heart,, would 
have hugged- me to his breast, if I had not opportunely been so 
OTeipowered as to fsU senseless under the table^ 

When I fuBt returned to oonsciouaness,. I found mys^f • lying 
Mcactly where I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of slain — ^the 
two. of «^ours" amongst the number. One of them^-I remember 
he was the adjutant — held in his hand a waxi candle (three to the 
pound.): Whether he. bad himself seized it ia the enthusiasm of 
imy nainrative of flood, and fields or it hadbeen put there by another 
I know not, but he.cestainly cut a. droll figure. .The room ^v< 
. Tpore in was a small one off tia» great saloon, and through the haU 
open folding^oor I (»ttild dearly perceive that the festivities Av:er 
mil continued. The cararii of fiddles aod French horns^ and th 
tampj of foet, whidi. hadi lost mueh of their elasticity since tb 
ttiteiiaianiMite faagan^s sang^ tbcough myc ears^. mingled ^w^ith tt 
" t^'dmra the middle^'^ ^^haada amosi^" ^< here's youc partnei 



cal|)tfiEifi.'* \«ha(t 'libur t^f ^tfae nig^ t»r mxmii^ it ibm ims, < 
cMdd nm guees ; bxA nertaMf the vigor cf tfie parlor seemed liUie 
8bttte4/if I "might jisidge !&em 'llie spedm^i belbfe me, and tho 
.V^^Hsnony oi a slion ptetbddc gentl^nam, who stood wipiitg htt 
baM head, after ^ivductiiig Ms "pseftaet dow^n tventy-eiglit ooiqrie^ 
smd ^he, tmtang to his fmiid/said, *^ Oh^ tiw distatioe is 'Bothni;^ 
but it ilB tfie paee ihat kills/* 

The first evidence I ^^o^wed 'of any return to reason, 'vas^a 
Stieng onxieey to be at my qoarters ; but honir to get there I Imew 
not. Thefeiiit gUmmetiBgof sense I possessed told me ths/t «ta 
stand was to faii/> andl was ashamed {o go on all-fo«rs, wfakdn 
prudence euggestedJ 

At this moment I remetnber^l I had fomugbt with me my cane, 
which firom a perhaps pariomible vanity, I was fond of pamding. 
It was a present from the officers of -my regiment— many of tiiem^ 
Silas, isince d^ad — and had a most splendid gold head^ with a stag 
at the lop— the arms of the Tegiment. This I would not have lost 
for any consideration I can mentkm ; and' this now was gene.! I 
looked around rae on every side; I groped beneath the table; I 
turned the sleeping sots who lay about in no very gentle f»riiion ; 
but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet, and only then lemem- 
bered how unfit i was to follow up the efearch, as tables, chairs, 
ligfhts, and people, seemed all rocking and waving beforie me. 
However, I succeeded in making my way, through one room inm 
another, sometimes guiding my steps along the walls ; and onoe,a» 
I reeollect, seeking the diagonal of a room, I bisected a quadrkl# 
- with sudi IH-directed speed, as to run foul of a Cork dandy afiA 
Ms partner who w^t^e just performing the ** en avani .•" but though 
I saw them lie tumbled in the dust by the shook of my encounter-—* 
for I had upset them — ^I «till held on the even tenor of mfy way; 
Infect,! hadfeelmg but for one loss-; and, still in pursuit of anr 
cahe, I reached ttie hall-door. Now, be it known Uiat the an^^ 
tecture of the Cork Mansion House has but >one faulty bat HM 
fiiult is a grand one, and a strong evidence of how unsuited ^Bngikh 
architects aire to provide buildings for a people wiiose tastes anrft 
habits they but imperfectly understand— ►be it known, then, th«t 
ftie descent from the hall-door to the strset was%aflightof tw(94v» 
bone "Steps. iJow I should ever g&t down these was now my diffi* 
ctilty. If Palstaff deplored ^« eight yaurds of uneven ground aft 
being three score and ten miles a foot,'' with equal truth did I feel 
that these twelve ^wful steps were worse to me than would be^ 
M'GKIlicuddy Reeks in the day-hght, and with a head clear ft&m 
dfiampagne. " 

While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself; for, gasnog 
down upon the bright gravel, brilliantly lighted fay the surromid* 
, ing lamps, I lost my balance, and came tumbling and rolling from 
top to bottom, where I fell upon a large mass of some soft sob^ 
stance, to which, in all probability, I owe my life. In a few se» 
conds I recovered my senses, and what was my surpsmto^finft 

3* 



that^he downy cuflhion beneath sBored most audibly! -I lo^fe 
a little to one aide^ and then diseovered that in reality it was no 
thing less than an alderman of Cork, who, from his position, I oon« 
eluded had shared the same fate with myself; there he lay, ^ like a ^ 
yarrior taking his rest/' but not with his << nuurtial^cloak around ' 
htm^^' but a much more comfortable and far more costly robe— a 
acarlet gown of office — ^with huge velvet cufis and a great cape of 
the sanote material. True courage consists in presence of mind; 
and here tnine came to my , aid at once : recollecting the loss I had. 
just sustained, and perceiving that all was still about me, with that 
. sight Peninsular maxim, that ^prisals are fair in an enemy's camp, 
I proceeded to strip the slain; and with some little difficulty-— 
pajrtly, indeed, owing to my own unsteadiness on my legs— I suc- 
ceeded in denuding the worthy alderman, who gave no other sign , 
<>f life during the operation, than an abortive effort to ^^Aip^ hipf 
A«erra," in which I left him, having put on the spoil, apd set out 
on my .way to the barrack with as much dignity of manner as I 
could assume in honor of my costume. And here I may mention 
(en parenthise) that a more comfortable morning gown no man 
^ver possessed, and in its wide luxuriant folds I revel, while I 
wrke these lines. 

When I awoke on the following day I had considerable diffi- 
culty in tracing the events of the past evening. The great scarlet 
eloak, however, unravelled much of the mystery, and gradually 
^e whole of my career became clear before me, with the single 
cce^tion of the episode of Phil Beamish, about which my memory 
was subsequently refreshed— but I anticipate. Only five appeared 
that day at mess ; and, Lord ! what spectres they were ! — ^yellow 
as guineas : they called for soda water without ceasing, and scarcely 
apoke a word to each' other. It was plain that the corporation 
•f Cork was committing more havoc among us than Corunna or 
Waterloo, and that if we did not change our quarters, there would 
be quick promotion in the corps for such as were ^ seasoned gen- 
tlemen.'' After a day or two we met again together, and then 
what adventures were told-— each man had his own story to nar- 
rate ; and ^om the occurrences detailed, one would have supposed 
years had been passing, instead of the short hours of an evening 
party* Mine were indeed among the least remarkable^ but I con- 
less that the air of vraisetnblance produced by my production of 
the aldermanic gown gave me the palm above all competitors. 

Such was our life in Cork^-dining, drinking, dancing, ridinf 
steeple chases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving — ^filling u] 
any little interval that was found to exist between aiate breakfas 
and the time to dress for dinner ; and here I hope I shall not be ac 
cused of a tendency to boasting, while I add, that among all ranli 
and degrees of men, and women too, there never was a regimei 
mMe highly in estimation than the 4-th. We felt the fiill value c 
ail the attentions we were receiving; and we endeavored, as be 
ve mighty to repay them. . We got up garrison balls and garriac 



C0K?SS8I0IIS OF HARKT LqftRB^OXH. 31 

playVy and usually pezformed.once or twice a week during the wiu^ ; 
ter. Here I sdione conqpicuouely ; in the morning I was employed ^ 
painting scenery and arranging the properties ; as it grew later, I 
regulated the lamps, and looked after the foot-lights, meditating 
occasionally between angry litigants, whose jealousies abound to 
ibe full as much, in private theatricals, as in the regular corps dra- 
nuUique. Then, I was also leader in the orchestra; and had 
scarcely given the last scrape in the overture, before I was obliged 
to appear to speak the prologue. Such are the cares of greatness : to 
do myself justice, I did not dislike them ; though to be sure, my 
taste for the dnuna did cost me a little dear, as will be seen in the 
sequel. 

We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls pro- 
' nounced the very pleasantest : our plays far superior to any regular 
corps that had ever honored Cork with their talents; when an 
event occurred which threw a gloom over all our proceedings, and 
finally put a stop to every project for amusement, Wb had so com- 
pletely given ourselves up to. This was no less than the removal 
of our lieutenant colonel. After thirty years of active service in 
*tfae regiment he then commanded, his age and infirmities, increased 
by some severe wounds, demanded ease and repose ; he retired 
fiN>m us, bearing along with him the love and regard of every man 
in the regiment. To the old officers he was endeared by long 
oompaij^onsdiip, and undeviating friendship ; to the young, he was 
in every respect as a father, assisting by his advice, and guiding 
by his counsel ; while to. the men, the best estimate of his worth 
appeared in the fact, that corpoireal punishment was unknown in ^ 
me oMrps. Such was the man we lost ; and it may well be sup- 
posed, that his successor, who, or whatever he might be, came 
under circumsttf&ces of no common difficulty amongst us ; but, 
when I tell, that our new lieutenant colonel was in every respect 
his opposite, it may be believed how little cordiality he met with. 

laeutenant Colonel Carden — ^for so I shall call him, although not 
his real name— had not been a month at quarters, when he proved 
himself a regular martinet; everlasting drills, continual reports, 
fatfgue parties, and ball practice, and heaven knows what besides, 
superseded our former morning's occupation ; and, at the end of the 
time I have mentioned, we, who had fought our way from Albu^ra ' 
lo Waterloo, under some of the severest generals of division, were 
pronounced a most disorderly and ill-disciplined regiment, by a 
colonel, who had never seen^a shot fired but at a review in Houn- 
^ow, or a sham-battle in the Fifteen Acres. The winter was now 
drawing to a close — already some little touch of spring was ap 
pearing; as our last play for the season was announced, everv < 
effort to close with some little additional ectat was made ; and eadi 
performer in the expected piece was nerving himsetf for an effort 
beyond his wont. The colonel had most imsquivocally con. 
denmed these plays ; but that mattered not ; the^ came not withm 
])ia jurisdiction ; and we took up notioe of hiis disj^oa^uro^ tx(Sm 



SB cvnrrxssxoirs o:r hahrIt LOB-msqtTS*. 

, than sending him tickets, which were as immediately TeAxndi .^ 
received. Prom being the chief dSsfntter, I had become fittictt- 
Uriy obnoxious ; and he had upon ^orefta© one occasion ei^raned 
hfe desire for an bpportmiity'to visit me with his vengeance; bBft 
being aware of his kind intentibns towaards me, I took particular 
care'to let no such opportunity occur. 

On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my |tta!^ 
ters, when one ormy brother ofiicers informed me that the ccSeM 
had mkde a great uproar, that one of the bills of the play had keen 
put up on his door — which, with his avowed dislike to such re- 
presentations, he Considered as intended to insult him : he added 
too, that the colonel attributed it to me. In this, however, he was 
wrong — and, to this hour, I never knew who did it. I had little 
time, and still less inclination, to meditate upon the c6lonePs wtalii « 
—the theatre had all my thoughts ; and indeed it was a day of me 
cbmmon exertipn, for our amusements were to <;onchide with a , 
grand supper on the stage, to which all the elite of Cork were in- 
vited. Whenever I went through the city-— and many were my 
peregrinations — the great placard of the play stared me in the face ; 
apd every gate and shuttered window in Cork, p»oclaimed ^ rrirfi 
PART OF Othello, pT Mr. XiOrrequer.*' 

As evfening drew near, my cares and occupations were redoubled. 
My lago I had feaxs for — ^^*tis true he was an admiraMe Lord 
Grizzle in Tom Tliumb— but then — then I had to paint tha whole 
company, and bear all their abuse besides, for not making some of 
the most ill-looking wretches, perfect ApoUos; but, last of all, I 
' was sent for, at a quarter to seven, to lace Desdemona's stayis. 
Start not, gentle reader — my fair DiBsdemona— she *wbo might 

' lie by an emperor^s side, and command Wm tasks^' — was no*oth«r 
than the senior lieutenant of the regiment, and "^sfbo was as gt^dt* 
a votary of the jolly god as honest Cassio himself. But I m%»^ 
hasten on — I cannot delay to recount our success in detail. L^t 
it suffice to say, that by universal consent, I was preferred to K^tan ; 
and the only fault the most critical. observer could find to the re- 
presentative of Desdemona, was a rather unlady-like fondness "for 
isnuff. But, whatever little demerits our acting might have ms- 

, played, were speedily forgotten in a champagne supper. There I 
took the head of the table, and, in the costume of the noble Moor, 
toasted, made speeches, returned thanks, and eung songs, till I 
might have exclaimed with Othello himself, « Chaos was come 
8[gain ;" — ^and I believe I owe niy ever reaching the barrack thatt 
night to the kind offices of 'Desdemona, who carried mte the greater 
part of the way on her back. 

The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over mglit, 
are not among the most blissful of existence, and certainly the plea^ 
sure is not increased by the consciousness that he is called on to 
the discharge of*duties to which a fevered pulse and throbbing 
temples are but ill-suited. My sleep was suddenly broken in -upon 
the morning after the -play, by a'<^ row'-dow^^w" bwgs^^attwmtfa 1113 



michnr. I jumped hastily fitai nqr iMfl^ and lodted /aiit»«Mi 
thare,^ tny honm, peroeiTed the Yegimaat under anea. It waa 
one ^(oar oonfoundad 4S«ilonel^8 ramamg driUs ; and itheie be atood 
teiself with the pMradjiitant^-arhoSiad been^ :all night, skimp* 
ing beffide him. Some two or 4hiM of the<officefs had descended ; 
and the dmm was naw ammaEOUiDg the otheraas it beat roond the 
bftmdc^nare. I aaw tkese waa not « moment to tcne, and pro* 
ceeded tx> i^eas with nil despatch ; bat/ to toy misery, I discoveied 
every where notfaing bnt theatrical robes aqd decorationa-^theare 
]M a i^endid tof ban, here a pair of buskins-^^a spangled jacket « 
guttered on one tabte, and a jewelled aoimitar on the other. At 
)a^ I detecled tmy ^ r€gim«stal amaU^clothes/' &c. most ignomini^ 
eusfy thrust into a corner, in my ardor for my Moorish robes jthe 
preceding evening. « 

I dressed myself with the speed of lightning ; bnt ms I proceeded 
intmy occnpation^-^guess'my annoyance to find that the toilet-ta- 
We and glass, ay, aflnd even tive basinnstand, Intd been removed to 
Aie dr^ring-roem of the theatre ; and my servant, I suppose, fol«> 
k^ving his master's example, was too t^sy to remmnber to brkiff ^ 
them back;. so that I was unable to procure the luxury of ctAn 
WBEier'-^or now not u moment onere remained-^he drmn bad 
eeajsed, and die men had all fiiUen in. HaiKily drawing on my 
coat, 1 put on my shaky, and buckling on my belt as dandy-like aa 
might be, hurried down the stairs to the ImrTads-yaTd. By the 
lime I got down, the men were all drawn up in iine along the 
square ; while the aiyiltant was proceedingto examine their acorn* 
trements, &c. as he passed down. Tbe^'Colonel and the ofBceia 
weffe standing in a group but inot conversing* The anger of the 
oommandii^ offieeo: appeared 4rtiU to continue, and ttiere was « 
dead silence ^maintained on bodi sides. To reach the tspot wihem 
they stood, I had to pass ailong part of the hne. In domg so, how 
^hall I convey my amazement 'at the^susesithat met me — a general 
titter Tan along the entke rank, which not even their fears for oonae^ 
({oences'seem^ able to 'repress**^for an effort, im the part of many 
to stiSe the laugh, only ended in a still louder burst of merriment ' 
I looked to the far side of the ya^d fer an explanation, but them 
was nothing there <to«aoc6Qnt fer it. I now crossed over to where 
the 'Officers were standing, determining in my own mind to inveati^ 
gstte the occurrence thoroughly, when free from Ae preaence of 
the colonel, -to whom any representation of iU conduct alwsya 
broughf a punishment far exceeding the merite of the case. 

Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the group of 
ojScers ; but the moment I came near, one general roar of langhter 
aalttted me-^the IB^e of whkdi I ^never before heard.*^I locked 
down at my costume, expecting to discover that, in my hurry to 
dress, I had put on some of the gsmsients of Othello. — No : all was 
perfectly correct. I waited for a moinent, tiU, the first buret of their 
merriment over, I ehould obtain a clue to the jest. But there seemed 
no proiAe<9t <tf AAb, 4br » I aieod ^ptttieiftly be£^ 



M eoirn«uo«s or mAmmt jsOMMm^mm. 

ameared to ioorease. lodded poor O— — , tbe senior nmotf om 
of the gravest men in Europe, laughed till the tears ran down hii 
cheeks ; and such was the effect upon me, that I was induced U 
laugh tdo— asmen will sometimes, from the infectious nature ql 
that strange emotion ^ but, no sooner did I do this, than their fin 
knew no bounds, and some almost screamed aloud, in the excess oi 
their merriment ; just at this instant, the colonel, who had been ex 
amining some of the men, a|>proached our group, advancing wid 
BXL air of evident disp^leasure, as the diouts of loud laughter con 
tinued. As he came'up, I turned hastily round, and touching mi 
cap, wished him good morning* Never shall I forget the look b 
gave me. If a glance could have annihilated any man, his woul< 
have finished me. For a moment his face became purple witi 
rage, his eye was almost hid beneath h^ bent brow, and he abso 
lutely shook with passion. 

X ^^ Go, sir,'' said he at length, as soon a? he was able to fin 
utterance for his words: <^6o, sir, to your quarters; and befoi 
you leave them,* a court-martial shall decide, if such continue 
insult to your commanding officer, warrants your name being i 
the Army List'' 

<< What the devil can all this mean ?" I said, in a half-whispe 
turning to the others. But there they stood, their handkercUe: 
to their mouths, and evidently choking with suppressed laughter. 

« May I beg, Colonel C ," said I 

<< To your quarters, sir," roared the little man, in the voice of 
lion. And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all furth< 
lUtempt on my part to seek explanation. 

<^ They're all mad, every one of them," I muttered, 9S I betoc 
myself slowly back to my r oms, amid the same evidences c 
murth my first appearance had excited — which even the colonel 
presence, feared as he was, could not entirely subdue. 

With the air of a martyr I trod heavUy up the stairs, ai 
entered my quarters, meditating within myself, awful schemes f 
vengeance, on the now open tyranny of my colonel ; upo^ whoi 
I too, in my honest rectitude of heart, vowed to have '^ a coui 
martial" I threw myself upon a chair, and endeavored to recc 
lect what circumstance of the past evening could have poasib 
raggested all the mirth in which both officers and men seemed 
participate equally ; but nothing could I remember, capable < 
solving the. mystery — surely the cruel wrongs of the manly Othel 
were no laughter-moving subject * 

I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened. 

" Stubbes," said I, " are you aware -" 

I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one 
the most discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned aw 
towards the door to hide his £a^. 

^ What the devU does this mean ?" said I, stamping with passio 
■< he is as bad as the rest Stubbes," and this I spoke with the m< 
grave and veyere \qw, ^ wtiati9 the meaoiosof ttw wMiMse ?" 



^ Ohy atf/' 8aid the io&n ; ^Ofa^ sir, surety yon did not appear on 
puade with that £iceP' and then he burst into a fit of the moet 
uncontrollable laughter. 

like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I sprung 
oyer to the dressing glass, which had been replaced, and oh! 
horror of horrors ! there I stood as black as the king of Ashantee* 
Itie cursed dye whksh I had put on for Othello, I had nerer 
washed off— and there, with a huge bear-skin shako, and a pair c^ 
black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge, black and pdisbed visage^ 
glowering at itself in the looking-glass. \ 

My first impulse, after amazement bad a little subsided, was W 
laugh immoderately ; in this I was joined by Stnbbes, who, feeling 
that his mirth was participated in, gave full vent to his. risibility* 
And, indeed, as I stood before the glass, grinning from ear to ear, 
I felt very little surprise that my joining in the laughter of m^ 
brother officers, a short time before, had caused an increase of their 
merriment. I threw myself upon a 6o&, and absolutely laughed 
tBl my sides ached, when the door opening, the/ adjutant made his 
appearance. He looked for a moment at me, then at Stubbes, and 
then burst out himself,.as loud as either of us. When he had at 
length recovered himself, he wiped his &oe with his handkerdiiefy 
and said with a tone of much gravity : — 

<<But, my dear Lor^equer, this will be a serious — a devflish 
serious affair. You know what kind of man Colonel C-*— - is; 
and you are aware, too^ you are not one of his prime favorites. 
ite is firmly convinced that you intended to insult faim, and nothing 
will convince him to the. contrary. We told him how it must have 
occurred, but he will listen to no explanation." 

, I thought for one second before I rqi^ed ; my miiri, with tbs* 
practised rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and 
cons of the case ; I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the 
ai^r of the colonel, come in what shape it might, than be the 
ktiighing stock of the iness for life, ^d with a face of the greatesir 
gravity and self-possession, said, 

^ Wdl, adjutant, the colonel is right. It was no mistake ! Ton 
know I sent him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned 
them ; this did not annoy me, but on one account ; I bad made a 
wager with alderman GuUable, that the colonel should see me in 
Othello — whatTv^sto be done? DonH you see now, timers was 
only one course, and I took it, old boy, and have won my b^ !'' 

<<And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I sup* 
pose,'' said the adjutant. 

. « Never mind, my dear fellow,'' I replied ; « I shall get out of ^ 
this scrape, as I have done many others." 

« But what do you int^d doing ?" 

^ Oh, as to that," said I, << I shall of course, wait on the colonel 
immedktely ; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from tha 
inattention of my servant — hand over Stubfoes to the.powears that 
punidi, ^ere the poor feUo^ wmoed a little^) ajsd make my pMoa 



m wallM loaoL But, ne^^utaBl^ amd,'" said I/< «ad give the i»a 
^MEaion to <all our feUa^s, and Itell them to maJke it public as nuicl 
as they please.'* 

^VNever fear/* said be, as he left^he room still laughiag; ^Uhe] 
3haU all know the ^me atory ; but I wish with all my heart yai 
were weil out of it.** 

I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself e 
the colonePs iquart^^. It is no pleasuro for me to recount tbes 
pft8sagcs:in my life, in which I haye had to bear the ^< proud mau^ 
contumely.** I shall therefore merely observe, that after a ver 
long interview, the colonel accepted my apologies, and we parted 

Before a week ela^psed, the story had gone lar and near ; ever 
dimier-^table in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained ia 
mortal honor for my tact and courage. Poor Gullable xeadil 
agreed to favor the $tory, and gave us ^ dinner as the lost wage 
and the oolonel was so unmercifully quizzed on the subject, an 
snda broad allusions to his being humbugged were given in tl 
Cork papers, that he was obliged to negotiate a change of qua 
ters with another r^gim^it, to get out of the continual jesting, an 
in less than a month wie jnardted to Limerick, to relieve, as it w^ 
reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign servioe, but, in reality, on 

to relieve Lieut.-Colonel C- , quizzed beyond endumnce, 

. Horwever, if the colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not fo 
get, for the very seccmd Week after our arrival in Limerick, I r 
ceived cme morning at my breakfast-table, the following brief no 
ftom our adjutant :*— 

<^ My bear Lorrequer :•— The colonel has received orders 
' dbq>atdh two com|)anies to some remote part of the county Clar 
sl8 you have * done the state some service,* you are selected for i 
Inautifiil .town of Kilxudi), wh^e, to use the eulogistic language i 
the geography books, ^ there is a good harboir, aaid a market pk 
ttlaUy supplied with fish.* I jpave just beatd of the kind intenti 
in store for you, and lose no time in letting you know. 

*^ God gi'f* you a good deliverance from the * garcons blunc 
as the Momteut calls the Whiteboys, and believe me ev-er youri 

Charles €iri&zoN.** 
/ 

I had scawjely twioe read over the adjutant** epistle, w:hei3 
received sm offioial notifiication from the colcmel, directing me 
psoceed to Kilmosh, dien and there to afford all aid and assistar 
in suppressing illicit distillation when called on for that purpos 
and other similar duties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas ! ak 
« Othello's occupation** was indeed gone ! The next naorning 
sun-rise saw me on my march, with what appearance of gaiety 
oould muster, but in reality very much chopfallen at my banii 
ment, and invoking sondry things upon the devoted head of 1 
eelcmel, whi<^ lie ^oidd fay no means consider as ^' blessings.*^ 

iioiw shiid^gfated ese we mo(rtal% whether ^oyuog all 



pomp and state of roysdty, or maFching like mysirif at th^ headb of 
a company of his majesty's 4-tli. 

Little, lEideed, did I anticipate that the Siberia to which I fancied 
I was condemned, should turn out the happiest quarters my fate 
erer threw m^ into. But ikiiSy indadingp, as it does, one of the 
most important events of my Ufe> I reserve for another chapter, 

<* What is that place called, seorgeant ?"--*< Bymratty Castle, air." 
. « Where do we breakfiest ?"~^* At Clare Mai^^ sir." 

^ March away, boys P' • 



CKAPTEK U. 



Fbm Bf week after my anifvai at Eibrtnby.my lift^ wa« one of tlm 
most dnoary monototty. The rain, wbidi had begna to fall as I 
{eft Limerick, continaed to deacdndin.torrfm.t%aiid I found myscJi 
a close prisoner in the sanded perior. of ^miQ0 inn." At no time 
would such « durance vile'' have been agreeal)Ie ; but, now, whwji 
I contrasted it with all I had Wt, behind at head quarters, it was 
atsolutely maddening. The pleasant lounge in ike morning, the 
social mess, and the agreeable evening party, were all ^xdianged 
for a short promenade of fomrteen foet in one direction, and twelve 
in the other, such being the accurate measurement of hiy " salle k 
mang6r."' A chicken, with 1^> as blae^ as a HigUander's* in win- 
ter^ for my dinner ; and the hours that all Ghriirtian) noankind were 
devoting to pleasant intereotiraevsLnd agreenUa ohit-chat, spent in 
beatiingthat dead-maschtQ time, <^ the Devii'a Tattoo," upon my 
ricketty table, and forming, between whiles, smidry valorous reao- 
lutions to reform my Itfe, and << eschew sack and loose company." - 

My front window looked out upon a. long, stra^^gling,. ill-paved 
stt»et^ with its due proportion of miid-heaps> and dude pools ; the 
houses on either side' were, for the most par^ dingy^ooking edi- 
fices, with halfKloors, and such pretension to being shops as a qpuurt 
of meal, or salt, displayed ia the window,, confers; <h: som^ans 
twa tobacco-pipes, placed '^saltier-wise," would appear the only 
vendMs artfclo in the estaUialiment. A moro wnetcbed^ gloomf * 
Ibeking pictiure of woe*4»egon0 povestjr'I naver befaeld« 

If I turned for coosolation to^ tfae> bade of the^ houses my eyes ^1 
upon the cHrty yard of a dirty imi; *, tiie half^hatched* cowHsbed, 
where two famished animals mourned their hard fate— '* chewing 
the cud of sweet and bitter fency ;" the chaise, the yellow post- 
chaise, onee the pride and glory of the establishment, now stood 
iBdboed' ftom its w^teeb and^ ignoaasnioiBriy dagndod^ ^ ^ bm 
4 



88 eomxisxoirs ov mammj- x/»Bsarait 

boQie ; on the grass^gxown roof a cock bad taken his stand, with 
an air of protective patronage to the feathered inhabitants beneath : 

** To what base uses mutt we come at laat^ 

That chaise, which once bad conveyed the blooming bride, all 
blushes and tenderness, and the happy groom, on their honeymoon 
visit to Ballybunion and its romantic caves, or to the gigantic cliffs 
and sea-girt shores of Moher — or with more steady pace and be- 
coming gravity had borne ak)ng the '^ going judgQ of assize,'' was 
now become a lying-in hospital for fowl, and a nursery for chick* 
ens. Fallen as I was myself from my high estate, it afforded me 
a species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate these sad reverses 
of fortune ; and I verily believe — for on such slight foundation our 
greatest resolves are built — that if the rain had continued* a week 
longer, I should have become a misanthropist for life. I made 
many inquiries from my landlady as to the society of the place^ but 
the answers I received only led to greater despondence. My pre- 
decessors here, it seemed, had been an <^cer of a veteran battalion, 
with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebraically 
expressed by an X (meaning an unknown quantity.) He, good 
man, in his two years' sojourn here, had been much more solid* 
tons about his own affairs, than making acquaintance with his 
neighbors ; and at last, the few persons who had been in the habit 
of calling on ''the officer," gave up the practice ; and as there were 
no young ladies to refresh Pa's memory on the matter, they soon 
forgot completely that such a person existed — and to this happy 
oblivion I, Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left, without 
benefit of clergy, to the tender mercies of Mrs, Healy of the Barton 
Arms. * 

As during the inundation which deluged the whole country 
around I was unable to stir from the house, I enjoyed abundant 
opportunity of cultivating the acquaintance of my hostess, and it 
is but fair that my reader, who has journeyed so far with me, 
should have an introduction. 

Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the "Burton Arms," was of 
some five and fifty — ^^ or by'r lady," three score years, of a rubi- 
cund and hale complexion ; and though her short neck and corpu- 
lent figure might have set her down as '' doubly hazardous," she 
looked a good life for many years to come. In height and breaddi 
she most nearly resembled a sugar-hogshead, whose rolling, pitch- 
ing motion, when trundled along on edge, die emulated in her 
gait. To the ungainliness of her figure her mode of dressing not a 
little contributed. She usually wore a thick- linsey-wolsey gown, 
with enormous podcets on either side, and, like Nora Creina's, it 
eertainly inflicted no undue restrictions upon her charms, but left 

. " Every beraty free, 
To sink or swell as lieaTen pie 



Her Ibet^— ye gods ! siKdi feet— were apparelled in lis^g slipptiSy 



eOMBiSXOVSi Oir HAEBT MIUIB^VBB 31 

Of ex which the upholstery of her ankles deseended, and eompietely 
rdieved the mind of the spectator as to the superincumbent weigiit 
being disproportioned to the support; I remember well my &nBt 
impression on seeing those feet and ankles reposing upon a straw 
footstool, while she took her aftenflbn dose, and I wondered within 
myself, if elephants were liable to^e gout. There are few coun- 
tenances in the world, that if wishing to convey an idea of, we 
cannot refer to some well known standsurd; and thus nothing is 
more common than to hear comparisons with ^^ Vulcan — V6ntt»-« 
Nicodemus,^' and the like ; but in the present case I am totally at 
a loss for any thing resembling the fsu» of the worthy Mrs. Healy, 
except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and sour Visage we used 
to see upon old circular iron rappers formerly — they make none 
of them now — ^the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy's nose 
had no ring through it ; I am almost tempted to add« ^ more's the 
pity.'^ 

Such was she << in the flesh ;'^ would that I could say she was 
more feuscinating in the ^^ spirit!" but alas, truth, from which I* 
never may depart in these ^' my confessions," constrains me to ac- 
knowledge the reverse. Most persons in this miserable w<»ld of 
ours, have some prevailing, pi^ominating characteristic, which 
usually gives the tone and color to all their thoughts and actions, 
forming what we denominate, temperament ; this we see actuating 
them, now more, now less; but rarely, however, is this great 
^ring of action without its moments of repose. Not so with hw 
i^f whom I have been speaking. She had but one pas^on — ^but, 
like Aaron's ro4> it had a most consuming tendency — and that 
was to scold, and abuse, all whom hard fate had brought within 
Hbe unfortunate limits of her tjrranuY* The Englilh language, 
comprehensive as it is, afforded not epithets strong enough for her 
wrath, and she sought among the more classic beauties of her 
.native Iridb, such additional ones as served her need, and with 
this holy alliance of tongues, she had been for years long, the dread 
and terror of the entire village. 

The dtwning of mom, the day-light sinking,*' 

ay, and even the <' night's dull hours," it was said, too, found her 
laboring in her congenial occupation; and while thus she continued 
to ^' scold and grow fat," her inn, once a popular and frequented 
one, became gradually less and less frequented, and the dragon of 
the Rhine-feUs did not more effectually lay waste the territory 
about him, than did the evil influence of her tongue spread dem>- 
lation and ruin around her. Her inn, at the time of my visit, had 
not been troubled with even a passing traveller for many months ; 
aild, indeed, if I had any, even the least foreknowledge of the 
character of my hostess, its privacy should still have remained 
uninvaded for some time longer. 

I had not been many hours installed, when I got a specimen of 
her powers ; and before the first ^eek was over, so constant and 



mummnrngr wBt% her ld[xMR» in Hip vrv^j that I hanrei upon tfa 
«ocamon of a sligfal ttill in tbe sKmm^ occasioned by her &llin 
asleep, actually left; my room to; inquire if aay thmg had gor 
'wrdng, in the same way as the miller is said to awake, if the mi 

' stop*. I trust I have said en(4l^h, to move tbe xeadfir's pity ao 
compassion for my situsUion — one more ^userable it is difficult l 
conceivv. It^may be theiught that much might be done by mai 
a^jsment, and that a slight exercise of the favorite Wh% plan c 

^ conciliation might avail. Nothing of the kind. Siss was p«M 
against all such arts ; and what was stUl worse, there was no sul 
ject^ no^ possible circmastance, no matter, past, present^ or to com 
th«t she c0cdd not wind by her diabolioid ii^nidty, iato son 
OMise of offence; and then came the> quidc; transition tO' instai 
ponidimmf. Thus my apparaitiy hannless inqnnry ab tK» d 
society' of Hud' neighborhood, suggested to ber^^'-^a wish on my pe 
to make acquaintance — ^therefore to dine out— therefore not 
dilie at heme«-*4{onseq«effttly to escape payings half a orowa ai 

' devwiring a ehieken-^^erefore to dc^ud her, and llebave, ate d 
woidd herself observe, ^Mke a beggarly scullion, with* his fon 
diiBing» a day^ sorting up for a gentieman,'' &e. 

By a quiet and Job*like endurance of all manner of tauntin 
•uspteions, and unmerited saitasms, to which I daily became mo 
Teconciled, I absolutely rose into somethings like favor, and befo 
the first month of my banishment expired, had got the length < 
an invitation to tea, in her own snug^ery^^^^an honor never knoTH 
to be bestowed on any before, with the eiiception o£ Father Mai 
ehi Brennan, her ghostly adviser ; and even he, it is said, nev 
ventured on such an approximation to inlknacy, until he was 
Kihmsh phr&SB, '^ half screwed,'^ thereby meaning more^thaa ha 
tipsy. From time to time thus, I learned from my hostess sui 
prticular s of the country smd its mhabitants as I was desirous < 
bearing; and among other matters, she gave me an account of fj 
great landed proprietor himself, Lord Callonby, who was dai 
expected at his seat, within some miles of Kikush^at the sao 
time assuring me that I need not be looking so « pleased and cui 
ing out my whiskers ;" *^ that they^d never take the trouble < 
Asking even the name of me/' This, though neither very cou 
teous, n(Hv altogether flattering to liisten to, was no more than 
had abeady learned from some brother officers who knew tl 
quarter, and who informed me that tbe Earl of Callonby, thon^ 
only visiting his Irish estates every ttiree or fcur years, never lot 
tbe slightest notice of any of the militaiy in his neighborhood ; nc 
indeed, did he mix with the country gentry, confining himself 
his own fiimily, or the guests, who usually accompanied him fro 
Bngland, and remained during his few weeks' stay. My imprc 
sion of his lordslhip was therefore m)t calculated to cheer my- so 
tude by any prospect of bis rendering it lighter. 

The Btei^s fitmily consi^ed of her ladyship, an only tson, near 
f age, afidtwodaughfen; the eldest. Lady Jane, totd tba leput 



CiM of beiiig extaremeiy h&Mti&A ; and I remembered wb«i die 
,4Utme <mt in London, only the year befoie, hearing nothing but 
praxes "of the grac^ and elegance of her manner, unitetd to the 
most classic beauty of her face and figure. The seoond daughfeer 
wiis some years ydunger, and sail to be also very handsome ; bnt 
«s yet she had »ot b^ bsoUght ii^ society. Of the son, Lokl 
Kilkee, I only bea^d that he had been a very gay Mow at OxSaUdy 
^here he was mudi liked, and although not particukiiy studious, 
bad given eiridence of lalent. 

Sueh were the few particulars I obtained of nay neighbors, aftd 
Ijfius iittle did I know of those who were so soon to exercise a uNfet 
important influence upon-my future life. 

After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from nsy 
feelings alone, I'sdiouM have counted as many years, I eagerly 
^ieized the op^portunity of the first glimpse of sunshine, to make a 
iriiort ^jccursion along the coast; I started early in the morni^, 
and after a long stroU along the bold headlands o^ Kilkee, was im- 
turning late m the ev^ing to my lodgings. My path lay across k 
wild, bleak moor, dotted with low clumps of furze, and not plte- 
'S<»itir^ on any side the least trace of habitation. In wading 
thrcfugh the tangled bushes, my dog ^ Mouche^' started a Yax» ; ' 
and aftet a run << sharp, ^ort and decisive," kiU^ it at the bottotn 
of a little glen some hundred yards off. 

I was jtist patting my dog, and examining the prize, when I 
heard a crackling auMmg the low bushes near me ; and on looking * 
«ip, perceived about twenty paces distant, a short, thick-set man, 
whose fustian jacket and leathern gaitets at onee pronounced him 
the gtime-keeper ; he stood leaning upon his gun, quietly awakii^, 
as it seetned, for any movem^^t on my part, before he interjfered. 
With one glance I detected how matters stood, and immediately 
adopting my usual policy of ^taking the bull by the horns,'' caUtd 
<oat, in a tone of very sufficient authority, 

" I say, my man, are you his lorddiip's gamekeeper ?" 

Taking off his hat, the man approached m^, and very reqfPtet- 
fully informed me that he was. 

^ Well then," said I, ^ present this hare to his lordship with nqr 
respects; here is my card, and say I shalf be most happy to wiit 
on him in the morning and explain the circumstance^'* 

The man to<^ the card, and seemed for some momeots unde- 
cided how to act ; he seemed to thmk that probably he might he 
id-treating a friend of his lordship's if he refused ; und on the other 
hand might be merely "jockeyed*' by some bold-faced poacher. 
Meanwhile I whistled my dog cloee up, and humming an air, with 
great appearance of indifference, stepped out homeward. By iMs 
piece of presence of mind I saved poor « Mouche ;" for I saw «t a . 
glance, that, with true gamekeeper'n law, he had been desliiied to 
tieath the moment he had committed #ie offence. 

The following morning, as I sat at breakfast, meditating nfrnn 
the events rf the pvscedifi^ day, taiA not exactJy determtadl ^o w 

4* F 



^ CONFESSIONS OF HAAR7 LOmRI^UXX. 

to act, whether to write to his lordship explainizig how the matter 
oecurredy or call personally, a loud rattling on the pairement drew 
me to the window. As the house stood at the end of a street, I 
could not see in the direction the noise came; but as I listened, a 
very handsome tandem turned the corner of the narrow street, and 
came along towards the hotel at a long, sltng trot ; the horses(were 
dark chestnuts, well matched, and showing a deal of blood. The 
cairriage was a dark drab, willi black wheels ; the harness all of the 
same color. The whole turn-out — and I was an amateur of that 
86rt of thing — ^Was perfect ; the driver, for I come to him at last, as 
he was the last I looked at, was a fashionable looking young fel- 
low, plainly, but knowingly, dressed, and evidently handling the 
**ribbon,^^ like an experienced whip. 

After bringing his nag^ up to the inn ^oor: in very pretty style, 
he gave the reins to his servant, and got down. Before I was 
well aware of it, the door of my room opened, and the gentleman 
entered with a certain easy air of gpod breeding, and saying, 

^^Mr. Lorrequer, I presume — ^^ introduced himself as Lord 
Kilkee. 

I immediately opened the conversation by an apology for m^ 
dog's misconduct on the day before, and assured his lordship that J 
knew the value of a hare in a hunting country, and was r^allj 
sorry for the circumstance. 

" Tlien I miist say,'^ replied his lordship, " Mr. Lorrequer is th« 
only person who regrets the matter ; for had it not been for this^ i 
is more than probable we should never have known we were sc 
, near neighbors ; in fact, nothing could equal our amazement a 
hearing you were playing the ^ Solitaire' down here. You mus 
have found it dreadfully heavy, ^ and have thought us downrigh 
savages.' But then I must explain to you, that my father ha 
made some * rule absolute' about visiting when down here. Am 
though I know you'll not consider it a compliment, yet I cai 
assure you there is not another man I know of he would pa^ 
attention to, but yourself He made two efforts to get here thi 
morning, but the ^ gout would not be denied,' and so he deputes 
a most itiferior ' diplomate ;' and now will you let me return witi 
some character from my first mission, and inform my friends tha 
you will dine with us to-day at seven — a, mere family party 5 bn 
make your arrangements to stop all night and to-mocrow : we sha 
£nd some work for my friend there on the hearth ; what do yo 
caU him, Mr. Lorrequer ?" / 

« ^Mouche'— come here, * Mouche.' " 

^* Ah * Mouche,' come here, iny fine fellow — a splendid dog, ir 
cteed; very tall for a thorough-bred; and now you'll not forge 
seven, ^ tems militaire,' and so, sans adieu." 

And with these words his lordship shook me .heartily by tfa 
Hand ; and before two minutes had elapsed, had wrapped his bo 
coat ance more across him, and was round the comer. 

I looked for a few moments on the again silent street, and ws 



coirt xsszovs ov hjibrt lobre<iiteb. 49 

almost tempted ta believje I was in a dream, so rapidly had tbd 
preceding moments passed over ; and so surprised was I to find 
that the proud Earl of Callonby, who never did the " civil things* 
any where, should think proper to pay attention to a poor sub in 
• a marching regiment, whose only claim on his acquaintance was 
the suspicion of poaching on hisjinanor. I repeated over and over 
all his lordship's most polite speeches, trying to solve the mystery 
of them; but in vain : a thousand explanations occurred, but none 
of them I felt at all satisfactory ; but there was some mystery 
somewhere, I had no doubt; for I remarked all through that Lord 
Kilkee laid some stress upon my identity, and even seemed sui- 
prised at mt/ being in such banishment. << Oh,^' thought I at last^ 
'^ his lordship is about to get up private theatricals, and has seeo 
my Captain Absolute, or perhaps my Hainlet" — I could not say 
^ Oth<^lo'^ even to myself-— ^^ and ii anxious to get < such unrivalled 
talent' even * for one night cwily.* '' 

After many guesses this seemed the nearest I could think of; and 
by l^e time I had finished my dressing for dinner, it was quite clear 
to me I had solved all the secret of his lordship's attentions. 

The road to " Callonby" was beautiful beyond any thing I had 
ever seen in Ireland. For upwards of two miles it led along the 
margin of the lofty cliffs of Moher, now jutting out into bdd 
promontories, and again retreating, and forming small bays and 
mimic harbors, into which the heavy swell of the Broad Atlantic 
was rolling its deep blue tide. The evening was perfectly calm, 
and at a little distance from the shore the surface of the sea .was 
without a ripple. The only sound breaking the solemn stillness of 
Uie hour, was the heavy plash of the waves, as in minute peals 
they rolled in upon the pebbly beach, and brought back with them 
at each retreat, some of the larger and smoother stones, whose 
noise, as they fell back into old ocean's bed, mingled with the din 
of the breaking surf. In one of the many little bays I passed, lay 
three or four fishing smacks. The sails were drying, and flajqied 
lazily against the mast. I could see the figures of the men as they 
passed backwards and forwards upon the decks, and although the 
height was nearly eight hundred feet, could hear their voices quite 
distinctly. Upon the golden strand, which was still marked with 
a deeper tint, where the tide had washed, stood a little white cot* 
tage of some fisherman — at least, so the net before the door be- 
spoke it. Around it, stood some children, whose merry voices and 
laughing tones sometimes reached me where I was standing. I 
could not but think, as I looked down fro^i my lofty eyrioi upon 
that little group of boats, and that lone hut, how much of the 
<' world" to the humble dweller beneath, lay in that secluded and 
narrow bay. There, the deep sea, where dieir days were passed 
in*^ Slorm or sunshine," — ^there, the humble home, where at ni^t 
tfiey rested, and around whose tearth lay all their cares and aU 
their joys. How far, how very far removed from die busy haunts 
of men, and all the struggles and contentions of the ambitiow 



44 ^COVfXBSIOKS 07'HAltST LOKRE^tmil. 

"World ; and yet, bow short-sighted to suppose that even they had 
110% their griefs and sorrovirs, anfd that their humble lot was devoid 
of the inheritalM^e of those woes/ which all are heirs to. 

I turned reluctantly, from the sea-shore to enter the gate of the 
park, and my path in a few moments was as completely screened 
fironi all pxospect of the sea, as tbongh it had lain miles inland. — 
An avenne of tall and ancient lime trees, so dense in their shadows 
«8 nearly to conceal the road beneath, led for above a mile tlirongh 
a beautiful lawn, whose surface, gently xindulating, and studded 
with young clumps, was dotted over with sheep. At length, de- 
scending by a very i^ep road, I reached a beautiful little stream, 
«rver which a rustic bridge was thrown. As I looked down upon 
Hie rippling stream beneath, on tfee surface of which the dusky 
-evening flies w»ere dipping, I made a resolve ; if I prospered in hxs 
tordalhip's good graces, to devote a day to liie ** angle" thfire, be- 
fore I left the* country. It was now growing late, and remember- 
ing Lord Kilkee's intimation of "sharp seven,*' I threw my reins 
lOVer my cob, " Sir Roger's" neck, (for I had hitherto been walk- 
ing,) and cantered up the steep hill before me. When I reached 
the top, I found myself upon a broad table land, encircled by old 
Hsid well-grown timber, and at n distance, most tastefully half con- 
•oeaied by ornamental paintmg, I -could catch some glimpse of Cal- 
lohby. Before, however, I had time to look about me, I heard 
idle tramp of horses' feet behind, and in another moment two ladies 
dashed up the steep behind, and came towards me, at a smart gal- 
lop, followed by a groom, who neither himself nor his horse, 
seOTied to relish the pace of his fair mistresses. I moved off the 
road into the gjrass to permit them to pass ; hut no sooner had they 
^ot abreast of ine, than Sir Roger, anxious for a feir start, flung up 
both heels at once, pricked up his ears, and with a plunge that very 
Heady threw me from the saddle, setoff at top speed. My first 
bought was for the ladies beside me, and to my utter horror, I 
BOW saw them coming along at full gallop, tiieir horses had got 
off the road, and were to my thinking become quite unmanageable. 
I eiideavored to pull up, but all in vain. Sir Roger ha^ got the bit 
Iwtween his teeth, a fevorite trick of his, and I was perfectly pow- 
istless to hold him ; by this time, Aey being mounted on thorough 
breds, got a full neck before? me, «ind the pace was now tremen* 
dous ; on we 'all came, each horse at his utmost stretch ; they were 
ovidently gaining from the beter stride of their cattle, and will it 
be believcfd, or *all I venture lo acknowledge it in these my Oon- 
iiMions, that I, i^ho a moment before, would have given my best 
«iuinoe of promotion, to be able to pull in my horse, wpuld now 
have << pledged my dukedom** to be able to give Sir Roger one cut 
of Ae whip unobserved. I leave it to the wise to decipher fhe 
roHonale^ but such is the feet. It was complete steeple-chasing, 
and my blood was up. 

Oil ws came, and I now perceived that about two hundred 
jai^Oi ¥0fore me stood an iron gate and piers, without any hedge 



oTWitlfmi either side; before i ccitild conjecture Ae meaajng-ef" 
89 stratige a thing in the midst of a lai^ lawn, I saw the foreiiMmCl 
horse, now two or three lengths be&te the other, still in' advance' 
ot me, take two or three short strides, and fly abont eight feet over 
a sunken fence — the second followed in the same style, the T»ie» ' 
sitting as steadily as in the gallop. It was now my turn, and 1 
confess, as I neared the dyke, I heartily wished myself well ov«p 
it, for the very possibility of a " mistake'^ was maddening. Sir 
Roger came on at a slapping pace, and when within two yards of 
the brink, TCKse to it, and cleared it like a deer. By the time I had 
aceomplisftted this feat, not the less to my satisfaction, that both 
ladies had turned in the saddles toVatch me, they were already 
far in advance ; they held on still at the san^e pace, Iround a small 
copse which concealed them an instant from my view, and which, 
when I passed, I pexceived that they had just reached tte hall 
doer, and were 'dismounting. 

On the steps stood a tall, elderly-looking, gentteman-Kke person, 
who I rightly conjectured was his lordship. I heard him laughing 
heartily as I came up. I at last succeeded in getting Sir Roger to 
a canter, and when about twenty yards- frotu where the group* 
\fete standing, sprung off, and hastened up to make my apoiogie» 
^ I best might, for my unfortunate runaway. I was fortunately 
sjfered the awkwardness of an explanation, for his lordship, ap- 
jrtroaching me with his hand extended, said — 
. "Mr. Lorrequer is most welcome at Callonby. I cannot be 
mistaken, I am sure — I have the pleasure of addressing the 
iiephew of my old friend. Sir Guy Lorrequer of Elton. I am 
indeed nK)8t happy to see you, and nU the less so, that yon «iFe- 
safe and sound, which, five minutes since, I assure you I had my 
f^rs for *' 

Before I could kssure his lordship that my fears were all for my 
cempetitors in'thfe race — for such in reality they were— he intvo^. 
diMed me to the two ladies, who were still standing beside him--* 
Lady JaM Callonby; Mr. Lorrequer; Lady Catherine.*^ 

" Which of you; young ladies, may I ask, planned this escapade,,, 
for I see by your looks, it was no accident ?" 

^^ I think, papa," said Lady Jane, ^ you must question Mr. Lor- 
requer on that head ; he certainly started first." 

<^ I confess, indeed," $aid I, '^ such was the case." 

"Well you must confess too, you were distanced," said Lady Jane. 

His lordship laughed heartily, and I joined in his mirth, feeling^ 
ait the i^ame time^ most terribly provoked, to be quizzed on sucb a 
matter; that I, a* steeple-chase horseman of the first water, /sbewld^ 
be twitted Ay a couple of young ladies, on the score of a noipsl. 
manly exercise. "But come," said his lordship, " the first hell 
has rung long since, and I am longing ^to ask Mr. Lorrequer aH. 
about my old college friend of forty years ago. So, ladies, hastm 
jour toilet, I beseech you." . 

, With these words, his lordship, taking my arm, led^me into the^ 



49^ CONFESSIOKS OF BARR7. UUknJWJMlL 

dn^wii^-room, where we, had not been many minutes till we ' 
joioed by her ladyship, a tall stately handsome woman, of a certain 
age ; resolutely bent upon bemg both young and beautiful, in spite 
of time and wrinkles; her reception of me, though not possessing 
the frankness of his lordship, was still very polite, and intended to 
be even gracious. I now found by the reiterated inquiries for my 
old uncle, Sir Guy, that he it was, and not Hamlet, to whom I 
owed my present notice, and I must include it among my Confss* 
sions, that it was about the first advantage I ever derived from the 
relationship. After half an hour's agreeable chatting, the ladies 
'entered, and then I had time to remark the extreme beauty of 
their appearance ; they were t)oth wonderfully like, and except 
that Lady Jane Was taller and mor^ womanly, it would have been 

^. almost impossible to discriminate between them. 

Lady Jane Callonby was then about twenty years of age^ rather 
above the middle size, and slightly disposed towards embanpaijii; 
her eye was of the deepest and most liquid blue, and rendered 
apparently darker, by long lashes of the blackest jet — for such was 
the color of her hair ; her nose slightly, but slightly, deviated from 
the straightness of the Greek, and her upper lip was faultless^ as 
were her mouth and chin ; the whole lower part of the face, firom 
the perfect ^< chiselling,'' and from the carriage of her head, had 
certainly a great air of hauteur, but the extreme melting softnew 

' of her eyes took from this, and when she spoke, there was a quiet 
earnestness in her mild and musical voice, that disarmed you at 
once of connecting the idea of self with the speaker ; the wovd 
'^ fascinating,'^ more than any other I know of, conveys the effect 
of her appearance, and to produce it, she had, more than any other 
woman I ever met, that wonderful g^t,,the " Pari deplaire.** 
I was roused from my perhaps too earnest, because unconscious 

Kse, at the lovelv figure before me, bjr his lordship saying, << Mr. 
rrequer, her ladyship is waiting for you." I accordingly 
bowed, and offering her my arm, led her into the dinn^HKKHii. 
And here I draw rein for the present, reserving for my next chap- 
ters—My Adventures at Callonby. ^ 



CHAPTER HI. 

htn At CALLONSr. — LOVE MAKING. — MIdS o'dOWd's AnVBMTVBfl. 

Mr first evening at Callonby passed off as nearly all first even- 
ings do every where. .His lordship was ^most agreea*ble, talked 
much of my uncle, Sir Guy, whose fag he had been at Eton hiJf 
a century before, promised me some capital shooting in his pre- 
serves, discussed the state of politics; and, as the second decanter 
4>f port ^< waned apace," grew wondrou^confidential and told me 



of his intention to sfiart his son for tli^ county at the next general . 
election, such being the object which had now conferred the hon<»r 
of iiis presence on his Irish estates. 

Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed muck 
lender commiseration for my <> exile/' as die termed my quartern 
in Eilrush ; wondered how / could possibly .exist in a maiching 
regiment, (who had never been in the cavahy in my life !) spoke 
quite fi^eUngly on my kindness in joining their stupid family partyji^ 
for they were Uving, to use her own phnise, ^ like hermits /' and 
wound up all by a playful assurance that as she perceived, fiom 
all my answers, that I was bent on preserving a strict incognito^ 
she would tell no tales about me on her return to ^* Town/' Now 
it may readily be believed, that all this, and many more of her 
ladyship's allusions, were a << Chaldee manuscript'^ to me; that she 
knew certain £Eicts of my family and relations, was certain ; but 
that she had interwoven in the humble web of my history^ a very 
pretty embroidery of fiction was equally so ; a^d whilon die thus 
ran on, with innumerable allusaons to Lady Marys and Lord 
Johns, who she pretended to suppose were dying to hear from me, 
I bould not help mutterring to myself with good Christopher Sly, 
^.^oid all this be true — ^then Lord be thanked for my good amends ;" 
for up to that moment I was an ungrateful man for all this high 
and noble solicitude. One dark doubt shot for an instant across 
my brain. Maybe her ladyship Imd ^' registered a vow" never 
to syllable a name unchronicled by Debrett, or was actually only 
mystifying me for mere amusement. A minute's consideration 
dispelled this fear; for I found myself treated ^en Seigneur" by 
Ihe whole family. As for the daughters of the ho^se, nothing 
eould possibly be more engaging than their manner. The eldest^ 
Lady Jane, was pleased from my near relationship to her father'k 
oldest friend to receive me, ^ from the first," on the most friendly 
footing, while, with the younger. Lady Catharine, from her being 
leas.maniere than her sister, my progress was even greater ; and 
thus, before we separated for the night, I contrived to << take up 
my position" in such a fashion, as to be already looked upon as 
one of the family party, to which object. Lord and indeed Lady 
Callonby seemed most willing to contribute, and made me promise 
to spend the entire of the following day, at Callonby, and as many 
of the succeeding ones as my military duties would permit 

As his lordship was wishing me ^< good night" at the door of the 
drawing-room, he said, in a half whisper, 

« We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Loitequer, how soon we 
should have the pleasure of seeing you here ; and you are ther^ 
fore condemned to a small room off the library, it being the only 
one we can insure you as being well aired. I must therefote ap- 
prise you that you are ^ot to be shocked at finding yourself sur 
rounded by every member pf my family, hung up in frames around 
you. But as the room is usually my own snu^^ery, I have r . 
signed it without any alteration whatever." 



4t ci»]iTBf$ioiit 09 HAKmy L^Ksx^mn. 

The apartment ibr irUdi his lordship had so strongly apologised, 
stood in very pleasing contrast to my late one in Kilrusb/ The 
soft Persian carpet, on which one's feet sank to the very ankles ; 
ike brightly polished dogs, upon which a blazing wood fire^ burn- 
ed ; the well upholsteied fautenils which seemed to invite sleep 
-tfitihont the trouble of lying down for it ; and last of all, the amplo 
9ai Inxurious bed, upon whose rich purple hangings the ruddy 
glare of the fire threw a most mellow light, was Hi a pleasing ex** 
change for the '^garniture*^ of the " Hotel Healy/* 

«Certes, Harry Lorreqiier,'' said I, as I threw myself upo» a 
smalt ottoman before the fire in all the slippered ease, and abcmdont 
ot a man who has changed a dress-coat for a morning gown ^ 
'•Certes, thou art destined for great things ; even here, where fato 
had seemed * to do his worst' to thee, a little paradise opens, and 
what> to ordinary mortals had proved but a < flat, stale, and mostr 
unprofitable' quarter, presents to thee all the accumulated delight 
of a hospitable mansion, a kind, almost friendly host, a condescen* 
^g Madam Mere, and daughters too ! Ah ye Gods ! but what is 
this ;V and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, I perceived a 
beautiful water-color drawing in the "style of « Chalon," whicb 
was placed above the chimney-piece. I rose at once, and taking^ 
a eandle, proceeded to examine it more minutely. It was a per- 
ttait of Lady Jane, ft full-length too, and wonderfully like ; there 
was more complexion,, and perhaps more roundness in the figtu^ 
than her present appearance would justify ; but if any thing wa9 
gained in brilliancy, it was certainly lost in point of expression ;. 
and I infinitely preferred her pale, but beautifully fair countenance^ 
im the rosy cheek of the picture ; the figure was faultless ; the same 
easy grace> the result of perfect symmetry and refinement together 
which only one in a thousand of even handsome girls possess, wasi 
portiteyed to the life. The more I looked, the more I felt charmed 
with it. Never had I seen any thing so truly characteristic as this 
sketch, for it was scarcely more. It was after nearly an hour's 
quiet contemplation, that I began to remember the lateness of the^ 
night ; an hour, in which my thoughts had rambled from the lovely 
object before me, to wonder at the situation in which I found myw 
ielf placed; for there was so mudi of " empressement" towards 
me, in the manner of every member of the femily, coupled with 
certain mistakes as ta my habits and acquaintances, as left me per- 
ftctly unable to miravel the mystery which so evidently surrounded 
me. « Perhaps," thought I, ^ Sir Guy has written in my behalf 
1» his lordship. Oh, he would never do any thing half so civil. 
Well, to be siwe, I shall astonish them at head quarters ; they'll not 
briie^e this. I wonder if Lady Jane saw my * Hamlet ;' for they 
hmded in Cork from Bristol about that time. She is indeed a most 
beattiful girl. I wish I were a marquis, if it were only fpr hen 
sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very wise man in 
the house of Lords ; but, I would *just ask, is it exactly prudent to 
introduce into your family on terms of such' perfect intimacy a^ 



youog, fasmnating, wdl^K>kittg feilew, of f0ttr-an<l4iiireiity^ albert 
only a%abahefD^withtvo 8ueh daughters as yau hare? Feui 
^tutt ! Qoe ^VQ% is certain — /ha^e no cause of compMnt ; and so, 
good night, Lady Jane" — ^and with these words I fell asleep, ta 
dream 6i the deepest Uue eyes, and the most melting tones that ever 
r^uced poo£ lieutenant in a marching regiment to curse his fete, 
that he could not call the commander of the forces his father. 

When I descended to the breakbst^room, i found the whole fa- 
mily assemUed in a gtottp around Lord Kilkee, who had just 
retUEned ftomi a distant part of ih^ county, where he had been 
canyassii]^ the electors, and ispouting patriotism the day before. 
He. waaf giving w account of his progress with much spirit and 
humor as I entered, but, on seeing me, immediately came forward, 
and shook hands with me like an old acquaintance. By Lord Cal- 
lonby afid the ladies I was welcomed also with much courtesy and 
kindneas, and some slight badinage passed upon' my sleeping, in 
what Lord Kilkee called the «' Picture Gallery," wtich, for all I 
knew to the contrary, contained but one fair pbrtmit I am not a 
believer in Mesmer ; but certainly there must have been some 
influence at work — ^very like what we hear of " magnetism" — for -^ 
before the breakfast was concluded, there seemed at once to sprine 
up a perfect understanding between this family and myself, which 
SMtde me &el as mueh ekez moty as I had ever done in my life ; 
and firom that hour I may date an intimacy which ev^ry succeed* 
ii^ day but served to increase. 

After breakfast Lord Call<mby consigned me to the^idance of| 
his 80A, and we saUied fbvth to deal destruction amongst the phea-^ 
sants, with which the preaerres were stocked ; and here I may 
observe, enpasmnty that with the aingle exception of fox-hunting, 
which was ev^^ a paiSai^a with me, I never could understand that 
ittveterate pursuit of game to whid^ some men devote themsdve^-^ 
thus, grouse-<shooting, and its attendant pleasures, of stumping^ 
over a boggy mountain from day-hght till dark, never had much 
attraction for me ; and, as to the 4eUght8\>f widgeon and wiM-duck 
shooting, when purchased^by Gsttfaig up all night in a barrel, with 
your eye to the bung, PU none of it— no, no ! give me shooting 
or anglkig merely as a divertimento^ a pleasant interlude between 
break&st and hmdieon4ime, whenj^ consigning your Manton to « 
coBwr^ and the game keeper ^ to the dogs," you once more htl* 
manure yonr costume to take a eanter with the daughters of the 
faMie ; or^ if the day look lowemg^, a ma^oh of billiards with the 
men. 

.1 have ever feuad that the happiest porti<m8 of existence are 
the most difficult to dironide. We may— ^nay, we must, impart 
our miseries and annoyances to our many << dear Mends," whose 
fofte is sympal^ or consolation — ^and all men sepe eloquent oh the 
subject of their woes ; not so with their joys : some have a miser- 
.ike pleasure in hoarding them up for their own private gratifica- 
tien.; btfieie«--and they ate prud«nt-^feel that the narrative iv 
5 " G 



to ' COlTKMSfOlfS OF BAaR7 tO%%X^n%> 

scarcely agreeable even to their best friends ; and a few, of wlMmi 
I confess m3rself one, are content to be happy without 'iatiowuig 
why, and to have pleasant souvenirs, without being able to ex- 
plain them. 

Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering upon 
an account of my life at Gallonby. A fortnight had now seen me 
€$^dncey the daily companion of two beautiful girls in all their 
walks and rides, dirough a romantic unfrequented country, seeing 
but little of the other members of the family ; the gentlemen being 
entirely occupied by their election tactics, and Lady Callonby 
being a late riser, seldom appeared before the dinner hour. There 
wasnotacliff upon the bold and rocky coast we did not cUmb, 
not a cave upon the pebbly beach unvisited ; sometimes my fidr 
companions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little 
river where I used to angle ; and the <^ gentle craft'' was oftm 
abanddned for the heart-thrilling verses of that delightful poet^ 
Yes, many years have passed over, and these scenes are stul as 
fresh in my memory as though they had been of yesterday. In 
my memory, I say, as for thee 

" Qui aa n te 
Ti BOTerai di me." 

At the end of three weeks the house became full of company^ 
from the garret to the cellar. Country gentlemen And their wives 
and daughters came pouring in, on every species of conveyance 
known since the flood ; family coaches, which, but for their yelk>w 
panels, might have been mistaken for hearses, and high barouches, 
the ^^ entree" to which was accomplished by a stepJadder, fol- 
' lowed each other in what appeared a never ending successiesi ;. 
and here I may note an instance of the anomalous character of 
the conveyances^ from an incident to which I was a witness at 
the' time. 

Among the visitors on the second day came |i maiden lady from 
the neighborhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabedi O'Dowd, the last 
of a very old and highly respectable family in the county, and 
whose extensive property, thickly studded with freeholders, was a 
strong reason for her being paid every attention in Lord Callon- 
biy's power to bestow. Miss Betty O'Dowd — ^for so she was 
igenerally styled — ^was the. very personification of an old maid; 
stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in observance of the proprieties ot 
female ccfnducf , that in the estimation of the Clare gentry, Diana 
was a hoyden compared to her. 

Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the road 
from thence to Callonby at the time I speak off— *it was before Mr* 
Nimmo — was as like the bed of a mountain torrent, as a respect- 
able highway ; there were holes that would hav^^a^e a grave 
for any maiden lady within fifty miles ; imd rocks thickly scattered, 
enough to prove fatal to the strongest wheels that ever issued 
from ^ Hution's." Miss O'Dowd knew this yirfiX\ she had upon 



<ne Otoeai^on been opaet m traTeUing it*— and a slale^^oiorad ailk 
d|«83 bore the dye of every species of mud and mire to be found 
there, for many a year after, to remind her of her misfortune, and 
keep open the wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, the invi- 
tation to Callonby arrived, a grave council of war was summonadi 
to deliberate upon the mode of transit, for the honor could not be 
declined, <^ coute qui eoute" The chariot was out of the questiooi 
Nicholas declared it would never reach the ^< Moraan Beg,'' as 
the first precipice was called ; the inside car was long since pro- 
npunced unfit for bs^zardous enterprise; and the only resource Ieft» 
was what is called in Hibernian parlance, a ^< low-backed dur/' 
that is, a car without any back whatever; it being neither more 
nor less than the common agricultural conveyance of the country^ 
upon which, a feather bed being laid, the farmers' wives ami 
daughters are generally conveyed to fairs, wakes, and statiomB^ 
&c. Putting her dignity, if not in her pocket, at least wherever it 
could be most easily accommodated, Miss O'Dowd placed her fair 
self, in all the plenitude of her charms and the giandeur of a 
«< bran new green silk," a ^^ little off the grass, and on the botde,'' 
(I love to be particular,) upon this humble voiture, and set out on 
her way, if not ^rejoicing," at least consoled by Nicholas, that 
<< It 'id be black dark when they reached the house, and the devil 
a one 'id be the wiser than if she came in a coach and four." 
Nicholas was right; it was perfectly dark on their arrival at Gal- 
lonby, and Miss O'Dowd having dismounted, and shobk her plu- 
mage, a little crumpled by her half-recumbent position for eight 
Biiles, appeared in the drawing-room, to receive the most courteous 
attentions from Lady Callonby, and from his lordship the most 
iSattering apeeches for hesc kindness in risking herself and bringing 
her horses on sueh a dreadful road> and assured her of his getting 
a presentment the very next assizes to repair it ; ^^ For we intenc^ 
Miss O'Dowd," said he, ^ to be most troublesome neighbors to you 
in future." 

The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dovn^d was de- 
Ugbted with her hosts, whose character she resolved to maintain 
in spite of their reputa^tion for pride and haughtiness. Lady Jane 
sang an Irish mdody for her, Lady Callonby gave iier slii^ of a 
roae geranium she got from the Princess Augusta, and Lord Eilkee 
won her heart by the performance of that most graceful step 'ydept 
^ cover the buckle" in an Irish jig. But, alas ! how short-lived ia 
human bliss; for while this estimable lady revelled in the full en- 
joyment of the hour, the sword of Damocles hung suspended above 
aer head ; in plain English, she had, on arriving at Callonby, to 
prevent any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of her convey- 
ance, ordered Nicholas to be at the door punctually at eleven ; and 
then take an opportunity of quietly slipping open the drawing- 
room door, and giving her an intimation of it, that she might tate 
her leave at once. Nicholas was up to time, and halving disposed 
the conveyance under the shadow of the porch, he made his way to 



M CO1IFS081OK6 09 HARHT L0KXX<ll7Xm« 

Aft dMr of the drawing-roem lUiMeii and unobfiorred. He opened 
ft gently and noiselessly^ merely sufficient to take a survey of the 
ifHirtBbenty ih which^ from the glare "of the lights, and the busy 
ham of voiees, he was so bewildered that it was some minutes 
before he recognised his mistress. At last he perceived her ; she 
was seated at a card-table, playing whist with Lord Callonby for 
lier«partner. Who the other players were, he knew not. A proud 
man was Nicholas, as he saw his mistress thus placed, actually 
sitting,«as he afterwards expressed it, << forenint the lord/' but his 
thoughts were bent on other matters, and it wa;s no time to indulge 
his vauntings. 

He sftrove for some time patiently, to catch her eye, for she was 
so situated as to permit of this, but without success. He then 
laade a slight attempt to attract her attention, by beckoning with 
bis finger ; all in vain. " O murther," said he, ** what is this for Y 
1*11 have to spake afther all." 

** Four by honors," said his Iqrdship, " and the odd trick. An- 
other double, I believe. Miss O'Dowd." \ 

Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp-looking 
old dowager at the side of the table called out, ^a rubber of four 
on, my lord;" and now began an explanation from tbe whole 
party at once. Nicholas saw this was his time, and thought that 
in the melde, his hint might reach his mistress unobserved by the 
remainder of the company. He accordingly protrtided his head 
into the room, and placing his finger upon the side of his nose, and 
shotting one eye knowingly, with an air of great secrecy, whispei^ 
out, " Miss Bfetty — Miss Betty, alanah P* For some mhrtites the 
hmn of the voices drowned his admonition8^--but as« by degrees 
waxing' warmer in the cause, he called out more loudly-*--every 
eye was turned to the spot from whence these extraordiaary sound© 
proceeded ; and certainly the appearance of Nicholas at the mo- 
spient teas 'well calculated to astonish the ^^elegans'' of a drawings 
room. With his one eye fixed eagerly in the direction of his mis- 
trees, his red scratch wig pushed back off his forehead, in the 
eagerness of his endeavor to be heard, there he stood, perfectly 
unmindful of all aroimd, save Miss O'Dbwd herself. It may well 
be believed, that such an apparition could not be witnessed with 
gravity, and, aocordingly'^a general titter ran through the room, tbe 
whist party still contending about odd tridks and h<mors, being the 
onlj persons*insensible to tfie mirth around them — ^< Miss Betty, 
arrah, Miss Betty,'' said Nicholas with a sigh that converted the 
subdued laughter of the guests into a perfect burst of mirth. 

<< Eh,^' said his Tordship, teaming round, <^what is this ? we are 
losmgsomethmg excellent, I fear.'' 

At this moment he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, throwing 
himself back in his chair, laughed immoderately. It was now 
Miss .Betty's turn ; she was about to rise from the table, when the 
well-known accents of Nicholas fell upon her ear. She fell back 
in her seat— there he was : the messenger of the fpul fiend himself 







^'cc/7/)^y} ^■m?ofy/^rm/7 Z%'/ cJ'j^/A/ C^ Ij ^'/'n^j &-C. y/.yrv 



woullt bft^ ^tfen meftt Welcome at that mometit. Her Hood 
rushed tcher face and temples ; her hands tingled ; she closed her 
f yes, and virhen she opened them, there stooSl the accursed Nicho- 
las ^onorering ait her still. 

« Man— man !" said she at length ; ** what do you mean, what 
>do yoa want here?'' 

Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the ^estion was intenijpd to 
ithrow a dotibt trpon her acquaintance with him, and conceiving 
dia?t the hour for lj)e announcement had come, hetsitated for an 
instant, how he should designate the conveyance. He could not 
. ^l it a coach ! it certainly was not a buggy — ^neither was it a 
Jattnting car— what should he say — he looked earnestly, and even 
implori^y at hts mistress, as if to convey some sense of his diffi- 
culty, and then, as it were, catcjiing a sudden inspiration, winked 
^onoe more— as he said : — 

« MtSB Betty— the— fee— the— ,'* and here he looked indescrib- 
ably droll ; " the thing, you knoWf is at the door." 

AH his lordUMp's politeness was too little for the occasion, and 
Mtss O'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby interest for ever. 



CHAPTER IV. 

WmAMHtO^a* STOBXBS— TflE JTATtniAI. STSTEA »RXT£RJlBLS TO TSK 

LINNiBAN. 

^ The carriage is at the door, my lord,'' said a servant, entering 
the luncheon-rooiQ wh^e we were all assembled. 

<< Now then, Mr. hcavecpiet/^ said Lord Callonby, ^ allons, take 
another glass ofwine, and let us away. I expect you to make a 
iBiost (biilliant ^^eech, «emeB^er V 

ifia lordship here alluddl to oiir intentiofn of visiting a rettiele 
.barony, where a meeting of the freeholders was that day to be held, 
and at which I wasvpledged for a ^neat and appropriate" oratieti 
in abuse of the com laws and the holy altiance. 

^^ I beg pard«n, my lord,'' saidW ladyship, in a most langiflshil% 
tone 4 ^ but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged ; he has for the last week 
been promtang and deferring his visit to the new conservatory with 
me ; wiiere he is to find out four or five of the Swiss ehrubis tlMit 
Collins cannot make out — and which I am dying to know all 
about.". • 

^ Mr. Lorrequer is a false maa then," said Lady Catherine, <' for 
he said at break&at, that we dMuid devote this afternoon to the 
chalk oaves — as the tide will be so far <mt, we can see them all 
.petftclly," 

"And. I," said Lord Kilkee, « must put in my plea> that tte 
■ ^ 5* . 



M . covrsssiovs oi* babbt jbOBmxwMt* 

aforesaid Mr. Iiorrequer is booked for a coursing raatdi~' Mooctte 
versus Jessie.' — Guilty or not guilty ?'' 

Lady Jane alone of all said not a word. 

<' Guilty on every count of the indictment/' said I ; <<I throw 
myself on the meix^y of the court." 

<< Let his sentence then be banishment/' said Lady C&therine 
with affected anger, << and let him go with papa." 

^< t rather think/' said Lord Kilkee, << the better plan is to let him 
visit the conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds it more diffi- 
cult to invent botany, than canvass freeholders ; eh ?" ^ 

^ I am sure/' said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking silence, 
<< that mamma is. infinitely flattered by the proposal that Mr. Lor- 
requer's company is to be conferred upon her foi^his sins." 

'< I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chaperon ;'her^, 
Mr. Lorrequer/' said Lady Callonby rising, ^get Smith's book 
there, and let me have your arm ; and now, young ladies, come 
along, and learn something, if you can." 

<' An admirable proviso,'? said Lord JCilkee, lauding; ^^if his 
botany be only as authentic; as the autographs he gave Mrs. 
MacDermot, and all of which he wrote himself in my dressing- 
room, in half an hour. Napoleon was the .only difficult one m 
the number." 

Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her lady- 
ship's ears, as she was busily engaged ^putting on her bonnet, and 
I was yet unassailed in reputation to her. 

<^ Good bye, then," said Lord Callonby ; ^< we meet at seven ; and 
in a few moments ^e littlb party were scattered to their several 
destinations. 

^^ How very hot you have this place, CoUuHs/' said Lady Cal* 
lonby as we entered the conservatory. 
. ^^ Only seventy-five, my lady, and the Magnolias require heaf 

I here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a plant, and in a 
half- whisper said to Lady Jane. 

<^ How came it that ]^ou alone. Lady Jane, should forget I had 
made another appointment? I thought you wished to make a 
sketch of Craigmorgan Abbey — did you forget that we were to 
ride there to-day ?" 

Before she could reply^ Lady CaUonby called out — << O, here it 
is, Mr. Lorrequer. Is this a heath ? that is the question." 

Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that looked 
very like a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most minutely^ 
while Collins waited with all the intense anxiety of a man whose 
chai]^cter depended on the sentence. 

'< Collins will have it a Jungermania," said she. , « 

^ And Collins is right/' said I, not trusting myself with the pro- 
nunciation of the awful word her ladjrship uttered. 

ColUns looked ridiculously happy. * 
* << Now that is so delightful/' said Lady Callonby, as she stopped 
to look for another puzzle. 



<!rONI>S8SIOKS OF HAKKT I.ORRE<iU£R. . 65 

^* What a wretch it is," said Lady Catherine covering her ftee 
with a handkerchief 

<^ What a beautiful little flower, said Lady Jane, lifting up the 
bell of a ^^ lobelia spleodens." 

" You kno,w, of course/' said I, ^ what they call that flower in 
France — L'amour tendre.*' 

« Indeed r 

" True, I assure you ; may I present you with a sprig of it," cut- 
ting off* a small twig, and presenting it at the same instant unseen 
by the others. 

She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair and 
taper hand Jook it. I dared not look at her as she did so« but a 
proud swelling triumph at my heart nearly choked me. 

"Now, Collins," said Lady Callonby, " I cannot find the Alpen 
tree I brought from the Grundenwald." 

Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side. 

Lady Catherine was also called to assjst in the search. 

I was alone with Lady Jane. 

**Now or never," thought I; I hesitated — I stammered-*my 
voice faultered. She saw my agitation ; she participated in, and in- 
creased it. At last I summoned np my courage to touch her hand; 
she gently withdrew it — ^but so gently, it was not a repulse. 

"If Lady Jane," said I at length, " if the devoted ^' 

^ Holloa, thefire," said a deep voice without ; " is Mr. Lorrequer 
there?" 

It was Lord Kilkee returned from his coursing match. None 
but he who has felt such an interruption, can feel for me. I shame 
to say that his brotherhood to her, for whom I would have perilled 
my life, restrained me not from something liko a very hearty com- 
mendation of him io the powers that burn 

f* Down, dogs,, there— down," continued he, and in a moment 
after entered the conservatory flushed and heated with the chace. 

" Mouche is the winner — two to one — and so. Master Shallow, 
I cp^e you a thousand pounds." ^ 

Would io heaven that I had lost the wager, had it only taken a 
little longer to decide it! I of course appeared overjoyed at my 
dog's success, and listened with great pretence of interest to the 
narrative of the "run ;" the more so, because that though perhaps 
more my friend than the elder members of the family, Lord Kilkee 
evidently liked less than them, my growing intimdcy with his sis- 
ter ; and I was anxious to blind him on the present occasion, when^ 
but for his recent excitement, very little penetration would have - 
enabled him to detect that something unusual bad taken place. 

It was now, so nearly dark, that her ladyship's futher search 
for the alpine treasure became impossible, and so we turned our 
steps towards the garden where we continued to walk till joined 
by Lord Callonby. And now be^n a most active discussion upon 
agriculture, rents, tithes, and toryism, in which the ladies took but 
little part; and I had the mortification to perceive that Lady Jane 



•6 eoKFstsKws or haekt LOEasQVxa. 

wfts excessrrely ennuj^, and seized the first oppqituiu^ td leave 
the party and return to the house ; while her sister gave me from 
Obne to time certain khowing glances, as if intimating that my 
knowledge of farming and political econopiy was pretty mudi on 
■a par with my proficiency in botany. 

One has discovered me at least, thought I ; but the bell had nmg 
to dress for dinner, and I hastened to my room to think over future 
^tans, and once more wonder at the singular position into which 
&te and the ^ rules of the service'^ had thrown me. 



CHAPTER V. 

PUZZLED — EXPLANATZOK-^MACES BAD WORSE — ^TSE TfVZL. 

\ 

^Ant letters?". said her ladyship to a servant, as she crossed 
the hall. 
^ Only one, my lady — ^for Mr, Lorrequer, I believe." 
*< For me !" thought I ; « how is this ?" My letters had been 
hitherto always left m Eilrush. Why was this forwarded here ? 
I hurried to the drawing-room, where I found a double letter 
awaiting me. The writing was Curzon's, and contained the 
words " to be forwarded with haste" on the direction. I opened 
and read as follows :-^ 

" Deak Loerequer : — Have you any recollectipn, among youi 
numerous ^ escapades' at Cork, of having grievously insulted a 
certain Mr. Giles Beamish, in thought, word, or deed ? If you 
have, I say, let me know with all convenient despatch, whether 
the offence be one admitting of apology — for if not, the Lord have 
mercy on your soul — a more wrothy gentleman than the aforesaid, 
it having rarely been my evil fortune to foregather with. He 
called here yesterday to inquire your address, and at my sugges- 
tion wrote a note, which 1 now endose. I write in great haste, 
and am yours ever faithfully. C. Curzon. 

^ N. B* — ^I have not seen his note, so explain all and every thing." 

The enclosed letter ran thus : 

"Sir: — It can scarcely have escaped your memory, though now 
nearly two months since, that at the Mayor's dejeune in Coik, you 
were pleased to make merry at my expense, and expose me and 
my family for your amusenient. This is to demand an immediate 
apology, or that satisfaction which, as an officer, you will not 
refuse your most obedient servant. 

dwinbome's Hotel OiLBS BeamiSB. 

<< Giles Beamish ! Giles Beamish !" said I, lepeating the nanae in 
«rery varietgr of emphasis, hoping to obtain some clue to the 



tirfk«r. Wl4 I been a]^pcim(ed Aie umpire benreini ifer. Wsril anli^ 
bil^yerie^ivws^ m the lats coDtit>Tiii»sf atom ^^^hduetk signi^'' is 
could not have been n^ore comi^tely pozsed than by the oMtantv 
of this note. ^ Make n^rry at his expense y^ a great offenee trdly 
-^ fimppofle I haTe laiiighed at better men tinox erea be was; and-- 
I <s»A GiAy say of such iimocent anmsement, as Falstaff did of saoir • 
and sti^ar, if such be a san^ ^then heaven help the wicked.'' Boi: 
I wish I knew who he Is^ or what he aHudes^ to, provided he is vote 
TOAi, which I begin to think not improbable. <^ By the bye, my loid^ 
do you know any such person in the south as a Mr.*Be&miahH^. 
CHtes Beamish ?»» - 

^To be sure*'' said Lord Calldnby, tookinf up fimn his netm^ 
paper, ^ there ik)» sctreral of the nume of the highest ittpectabtfity;« 
Ob^Is ati akj^man of Cork — a very rich man, too^bat i doh't 
relnembefr his Christian mme.'' 

« An alderman, did yoa say ?" 

^Tesi Alderman Beamidk is very well known. I have seen' 
h&n fireaqtiently — a short, ferid, little man." 

^0, it ranst be him," said I, musingly ; ** itfrnnst have been thii 
worthy alderman, from whose worsh^ul peison I tore the rolw 
oT office orr the night of the fete. But what does he meaife by 
' My exposing him and his family ?' Why, zounds, his wife and- 
chi)dren were not with him on the pavement. 0, I see it, it is 
the mansion-house school of eloquence; did not SirWilliun Curtiir 
apolbgise for not appearing at court, from having lost an eye, whidi < 
h« dbsignated as an awful ^ domestic calamity.' " 

It being now settled to my, satisfaction that Mr. Beamish and 
the great uncloaked were " convertible terms," I set about making 
the amende in the most handsome manner possible. I wrote to 
the aMerman a most pacific epislie, r^rettmg that my departure 
from Cork deprived me of making reparation before, and exprees* 
ixtg a most anxious hope that <^ he caught no cold," and a fervent- 
•wish that " he would live many years to grace and ornament the* 
^gnity of which his becoming costume was the emblem." This I 
enclosed in a note to Curzon, telling him how the matter occur^d, 
and requesting that hie would send it by his servant, together with 
the scarlet vestment which he would find in my dressing-rooai. 
Having folded and sealed this despatch, I turned to give Lord Cal* 
lonby an accouixt of the business, and showed him .Beamish** 
note, at which he was greatly amused: and, indeed, it furnished food. 
fbr mirth fi^r the whole party during the evening. The next mom . 
in^ I set out with Lord Callonby on the long-threatened canvassing. 
e:3Cpedition — with the detaiils of which I need not burden my 
*^ Confessions." Suffice it to say, that when Lord Kilkce watf 
advocatmg Toryism in the west, 1, his accredited ambassador, wb» 
devoting to the 'infernal gods the prelacy^ the peerage, and tisMv 
pension list — a mode of canvass wfeU worthy of imitotion in these 
tanonblesome times; for not to speak of the great prospect of sqcm 
t froD| havipg friends on both sMes o{ the questicm. the prinsiptt^'. 



m coirrassioirfi or bjlumt x.o»a9^ouu 

Cftn al vays divest himself of any uBpleiifaxit ocHuiequeiioes as it* 
gards inconsistency, by throwing the blame on his friend, <f who 
vent too far/' as me appropriate phrase is. 

Nothing could be more successful than our mission^ Lord 
Callonby was delighted beyond bounds with the prospect, and so 
completely carried away by high spirits, and so perfectly assured 
that much of it was owing to my exertions, that on the second 
morning of our tour — ^for Ixre proceeded tlux)Ugh the county for 
three days, he came laughing into my dressing-^room with a news- 
paper in his iiand. 

" Here, Lorrequer,'' said he, " here's news for you. You cer- 
tainly must read this ;" and he handed me a copy of the ^ Claie 
Herald," with an account of our meeting the evehmg before. 

After glancing my eye rapidly over the routine usual in such 
cases — Humph, ha, — nearly two hundred people — ^most reiqpectable 
farmers-T-r^om appropriately decorated — "Callonby Arms" — ^« af- 
ter the usual loyal toasts, the chairman rose" ^Well, no matter. 

Ah ! here it is : " Mr. Lorrequer here addressed the meeting with 
a flow of eloquence it has rarely, if ever, been our privilege to hear 
equalled. He began by" — ^humph — 

** Ah," said his lordship, impatiently, " you will never find it out 
— ^look here — * Mr. Lorrequer, whom we have mentioned as having 
made the highly exciting speech, to be found on our first page, is, 
we understand, the son of Sir Guy Lorrequer, of Elton, in Shrop- 
« shire — one of the wealthiest baronets in England. If rumor speak 
truly, there is a very near prospect of an alliance between this 
talented and promising young gentleman, and the beautiful, and 
accomplished daughter of a certain noble earl, with whom he has 
been for some time domesticated.' " 

« Eh, what think you? Son of Sir Guy. Lorrequer. I always 
Aought my old friend a bachelor, but you see the " Clare Herald'' 
knows better. Not to speak of the last piece of inteUigence, it is 
very good, is it not ?" 
* " Capital, indeed," said I, trying to laugh, and at the same tinae 
blushing confoundedly, and looking as ridiculously as need be. 

It now struck me forcibly that there was something extremely 
odd in bis lordship's mention of this paragraph, particularly when 
coupled with his and Lady Callonby's manner to me for the last 
two months. They knew enough of my family, evidently, to be 
aware of my station and prospects — or rathe^ my want of both- — 
and yet in the face of this, they not only encouraged me to prolong 
a mqst delightful visit, but by a thousand daily and dangerous 
opportunities, absolutely threw me in the way of one of the love- 
liest of her sex, seemingly without fear on their parts. " Eh bien/' 
thought I, with my old philosophy, <^ Time, that < pregnant old gen- 
tleman,' will disclose all, and so laisse alter J* 

My reVeries on my good and* evil fortune were suddenly inter- 
rupted by a letter which reached me that evening, having been 
fewarded firom Callonby by a special messenger. " What ! another 



eOmWMBBlfOlt OF MAMMY LOXXBtTOS. SBf 

epntie from Curzon,'^ said !» as my eye caught the addrew, audi 
wonderiog not a little Trfaat pteaaDg emei^ency had called forth 
the iir(»rds on flie cover — ^ to be forwarded with haste.'' I eagerly 
broke the seal and read the foUowmg : 

^ Mr Dbab Harbt : — I received yours on the lltfi, and imme- 
diately despatched your note and me i)aiment to Mr. Beamish* 
He was from home at the time, but at eight o'clock I was sent for 
from the mess to see two gentlemen on most pressing business. I 
hurried to my quarters, and there found the aforesaid Mr. B. ac- 
companied by a friend, whom he introduced as Dr. De Courcy 
Finucane, of the North Cork Militia — as warlike looking a g^tle* 
man of his- inches, some five feet three, as you would wish to see^ 
The moment I appeared, both rose, and commenced a narrative, 
for such I judge it to be, but so energetically and so completely 
together, that I could only bow politely, and at last request that 
one, or the other, would inform me of the object of their visit 
Here began the tug of war, the Doctor saying," * Arrah, now Giles* 
— Mr. Beamish interrupting by * T^hist, I tell ye — ^now, can't your 
let me } Ye see, Mr. Curzoin' — ^for so they both agreed to desig* 
nate me. At last, completely worn out, I said, ^ Perhaps you have 
not received my frieild's note ?' At this Mr. Beamish reddened U> 
the eyes, and with the greatest volubility poured forth a flood of 
indignant eloquence, that I thought it necessary to check ; but in* 
this I &iled, for after informing me pretty clearly, that he knew 
nothing of your^ story of the alderman, or his cloak, added that 
he firmly believed your pretended reparation was only a renewed^ 

insult, and that ^but in a word, he used such language, that I ' 

was compelled to take him short ; and the finale is, that I agreed*" 
you should meet him, though still ignorant of what he calls the- 
^ original offence." — ^But heaven knows, his conduct here last night 
demands a reprimand, and I hope you may ^ve it ; and. if yott 
shoot him, we may worm out the secret from his executors. No- 
thing could exceed the politeness of the parties on my consentinip * 
to this, arrangement. Dr. Finucane proposed Carrigaholt, as the 
rendezvous, about twelve miles, I believe, from Kibush, and Tues- 
day evening at six as the time, which will be the very earUest 
moment we can arrive there. So, pray be^ up to time, and believe 
me yours, C. Cuazoir. 

'* Saturday aveninf •** 

It was late on Monday evening when this letter reached me, andl 
there was no time to be lost, as I was then about forty Irish nodles^ 
from the place mentioned by Cmrzon ; so after briefly acquainting: 
Lord Callonby that I was called ofi* by duty, I hurried to my room 
to pack my clothes, and again read over, this extraordinary epistle. 

I confess it did appear something droll, how completely Curzon 
seemed to imbibe the passion for fij^ting from these <^ blood-thirsty 
Irishmen." For by his own showing he was utterly ignorant of 
my ever having offended this Mr. Beamish, of whom I recollected 



}a0Mog wimfe^w. Ym -whm the^gaatlemaa waaum mc^^xnAm^ 
ttnen ineonirem^ncei htm, or pw h ap * aoxmis t» get taadc.toi tlm- 
ToeBBf he coolly says, ^ O, my friettd ahall meet yoa;.^ aad thaihifl 
^pleasant jest, << find out the caxmeot ^pMml fiam Us ez0ei]lor»!" 

Tnily^ thought I,, tbiere is no equanimity like his who acts as 
3roi» second iaadueL The gentlemanlike urbanity with which 
he. waits on the opposite friend — the conciliating tone with which . 
he proffiers implacable enmity — the killing kindness with which he 
refuser all aocommodationi — ^the Talleyrand air of his short notes 
dated ftom the " TraveUeis," or " Bropkes/' with the words 3 
o'elook or 5. o'dock oa th^ cover, all indicative of the fdendly pre- 
cq^iM^y of the negotiation* Then, when all is settled, the social 
atjA» with which he asks you to take a ^< cutlet" with him at the 
<<€3wreiidon," not to go home — are only to be eq,ualled by the 
Bjimkdble tact on the ground — ^the studiously eleganl salute to the 
adffrflise party, half a la Napoleon, and half Beau Brummell — ^the 
poUteiy offered snufi'-4>0X'-the coqtuetting raillery about ten paces 
oi iweihre^-are certainly the beau ideal of the stoicism which pre- 
chidoftseadingyoux fidend out of the world like a gentleman. 

How very often is the face of external nature at variance with 
the Ihmghts and actions — ^^ the sayings and doings" we may be 
most intent upon at the moment. How many a gay and brilliant 
bi^al. party has wended its way to St. Georg^^s, Hanover-square, 
aflcttd a downpour of rain, one would su]^ose sufficient to quench 
the torch, of Hymen, thcwgh it burned as brightly as Capt. Drum- 
mond's oxygen light;' and on the other hand, how ftequently are 
the biuest azure of heaven and the most balmy airs shed upon the 
heart bursting with affliction, or the h^ad bowed wilih grief j and 
wiAout any de^e to impugn, as much higher authority has done^ , 
the moral ciaaracter of the moon, how many a scene of blood and 
rapine has ils mild radiance Ulumined. Such reflections as these 
caaie thronging to my nand, as on the afternoon of Tuesday I 
neared the little village of our rendezvous. The scene which in 
aft its peaceful beauty lay before me, was truly a bitjter contrast to 
thisoasasbon that led me thither. I stood upon a little peninsula 
wiEkich separates the Shannon from the wide Atlantic. On one side 
tbe placid river flowed on its course, between fields of waving 
corn, or rich pasturage — the beautiful island of Scattery, with its 
picturesque ruins reflected in the unrippled tide — the cheerful voices 
of the reapers, and the merry laugh of the children were mingled 
with the seamen's cry of the sailors, who were ^ hearing short'* 
on their anchor, to take the evening tide. The village, which 0(m- 
sisted of merely a few small cabins, was still from its situation a 
pleasing object in the picture, and the blue smoke th^t rose in slen- 
der columns from the humble dwellings,, took from the scene its 
diaracter of loneKness, and suggested feelings of homeland homely 
eajoyments,. which human habitations, however lowly, never fail 
db. 

^ Ar ^ny other thne," thought I, * and horw I eould have enjoyed 



and if I am rigfitly inlisaniied I am«tfll «%os«>6 a mile f«Dm^'€ 
^gAoh/ -where we 'rtfittre to meet*' 

^1 had disimssed my *can:yey smee /whcffii fiearte^ the vUhu^ to 
avoid ob^rvation, and now took a {oot^ih over Hieiiidlk nefim 
I hatl proceeded half a niSe, tlie seem tbimg^ <»Miiptetel^. I 
fonnd myiseif traversing a small gleny grown over wkhia loir tmk 
iscrub, and not presenting on any 'side^.the fdighteet tface of faaUtii- 
t^n. Isaw that the gTovmdhad.been seleeledbi^aaiaiiept Ite 
glen, which grew narrow ais I advanced, suddenly disclosed to.«iy 
view a gKriipse of the Afl»ntic, upon which the tdecdnimgifaii wai 
"pouring a fboA of purple glory. I had s^ar^ tnmed ^om iint 
conteii^>lation of this beantifel object whcai a long low wMsAb 
attracted my attention. I looked in the direction from w^iemaeit 
proceeded, and discovered at some distance fix)m«ie throe figures 
istanding beside the rnin irfan old Abbey, which I iiowtfor<th6 tet 
time perceived. 

' If I liad entertained any dodbt as to w4m lihey trene, it bad htam 

ispeedily resolved, for I now saw one of the party wavkifg iiis km 

to me, wliom I soon recognised to be <Ct!UlK)n; he came fiirwaid i» 

meet me, and, in the few hundred yards that intervened befem oar 

teadung the ofters, toid me as maeh as he knexv >tf #ie uppuw i t 

yarty ; which, after all was but little. Mr. Bewwirii, my advmny, 

tie described as a morose, fire-eating southern, thlit-eviden^y longaA 

for an " affair" with a military man, then considered a droMi- 

stance of some eclat in the south ; his second, the dootor, on the 

Gontrajry, was by far " the best of the cut-throats," oi most amnsiiig 

little personage, full of his own impoftanee, and profiswe in his 

^ legends of his own doings in lorve and war, and evidently disposed 

' to ta'ke the pleasing side- "of every occxirrence in hfe ; they betfi 

agreed in btrt one point — a firm and fixed ifesolve to givie i»o«spili^ 

•'nation of the* quarrel with me. " So then,*^ said !,'« asOurzon hw- 

ried over the preceding account, ** you absolutely know notfiifl^ 

" whatever of the reason for which i am about to gt?ae this man -a 

meeting." 

" No more than yotl," said Curzon, with imperturbable gravity ; 
"but one thing I am certain t)f— had I not at once promised him 
such, he would have posted you in Limerick the next morning ; 

and, as you know our mess nile in the 4-th, I though i4 best * ^ 

" 0, certainly, quite right ; but now are you quite certain I am 
the man who offended him ? for I solemnly assure you, I harve not 
the jQiost remote liecollection of having ever heard of him." 

« That point," said Curzon, " there can be no doiibt of, for he 
not only designated you as Mr. Harry Lorrequer, but the gentle- 
man that made all Cork laugh so heartily, by his representation of 
Othello." 
"Stop !" said I, " say not a word more ; Vm. his man." 
By this time we had reached the ruins, and turning a comet 
6 



MVVMSIOIIS or BAMMX MftWWIBa. . 

I in fbll contact wkh the enemf ; tfaey had been raiting 1 
mWea an a tomb-stone, and rose as we approached. 

<< Allow me/' said Ciirz<m, stepping a little in advance of me; 
^ allow me to introduce my friend Mr. Lorrequer, Dr. Finicane— 
J>r. Finicane, Mr. Lonrequer." / 

^ Finoctoe if qnite agreeable to you ; Finncane/' said the little 
gentleman, as he lifted his hat straigbt off his head, and replaced 
It most accurately, by way of salute. '< Mr. Lorrequer, it is with 
sincere pleasure I make your acquaintance.'^ Here Mr. Beamish 
bowed stiffly, in return to my salutation, and at the instant a kind 
«f vague sensation crossed my-mind, that those red whiskers, and 
Aat &tY &ce were not seen for the first time, but the thumbscrews 
^f the holy office would have been poweriess to refresh my me- 
mory as to when. 

^ Captain," said the doctor, ^^ may I request the favor of your 
company this way, one minute ?" they both walked aside ; the only 
words which reached me as I moved off, to permit their conference 
being an assurance on the part of the doctor, *^ that^it was a sweet 
^ot he picked out, for, by having them placed north and souths ^ 
iMttfaer need have a patch of sky behind him." Very few 
minutes sufficed for preluninaries, wii they both advanced smirk- 
ing and smiling, as if they had just arranged a new plan for the 
amelioration of the pocNr, or the benefit of the manuiacturing classes^ 
kMwA of making preparations for sending a gentleman out of the 
w<»rrd. 

^ Then if I understand you, captain," said Ae doctor, ^^ you step 
€he distance, and I give the word." 
« Exactly," said Gurzon. 

After a joking allusion to my friend's length of limb, at which 
.we all laughed heartily, we were placed, Gurzon and the doctor 
standing and breaking the Una between us ; the pistds were then 
~ put into our hands, the doctor saying — ^< Now gentlemen, I'll just 
retire six p/uses, and turn round, which will be quite time enough 
to prepare, and at the word ^ fire' ye'll blaze away ; mind now."4r 
With a knowing wink, the doctor delivered this direction, and im- 
mediately moved off; the word ^^ fire" followed, and both pistols 
went off together. My hat was struck near the top, and, as the 
smoke cleared away, I perceived that my ball had taken effect 
upon my adversary ; he was wounded a little below the knee and- 
appeared to steady himself with the greatest difficulty. " Your 
iiriend is hit," said Gurzon, to the doctor, who now came forward 
with another pistol. " Your friend is hit." 

" So I perceive,^' said he, placing his finger on the spot ; " but it 
is no harm in life ; so we proceed, if you please." 

^* You don't mean to demand another shot ?" said Curzon. 
« Faith, do I," said the doctor coolly. 

*'Then," said Curzon, " I must tell you most, unequivocally, I 
refuse, and shall now withdraw my friend ; and had it not been for 
a regulation peculiar to our regiment, but never intended to include 



cams of thiif nature, we had ni^t beeo here now ; for up |e tlui how 
my principal and ikiyaelf are in utter ignorance of any cause of 
OTOhce eyerliaving been offered by him to'Mr. Beamisii/' '* 

^ Giles, do*yotl hear this V said the doctCMr.^ 

But Giles did not hear it, for the rapid loss of blood *from his 
"Wound had so weakened him, that he had fainted, and now lat* 
peaceably on th^ grass. Etiquette was now at an end, and we aU 
xan forward to assist the wounded man ; for some minutes he lay 
apparently quite senseless, and when he at last rallied and looked 
-wudly about him, it appeared to be with difficulty that he recalled 
smy recollection of the place, and the people around him ; for a few 
seccmds he fixed his eyes steadily upon the doctor, and with a I9 
pale and bloodless, and a voice quirering from weakness, said, 

** Fin ! didn't I tell ye, that pistol always threw high— o !" and 
this he said with a sigh that nearly overpowered hiiQ, ^ 0, Fin, if 
you had only given me the saw-handled one, that / am used to ; 
but it is no good talking now.'' 

In my inmost heart I was grateful to the httle doctor for his mi»- 
lake, for I plainly perceived what ^ the saw handled one he was 
used to," might have done for me, and could not help muttering to 
myself with good %r Andrew — ^ If I had known he was so cun- 
mng offence, I'd have seen him danmed before that I fought with 
him." 

Our first duty was now to remove the wounded man to the high 
road, about which both he himself and his second seemed disposed 
to make some difficulty ; they q>oke together for a few moments in 
a low tone of voice, and then the doctor addressed us : — ^^ We feel, 
gentlemen, this is not a time for any concealment ; but the truth is, 
we haf e need of great circumspection here, for I must inform you 
we are both *of us bound over in heavy recognisances to keep the 
peace. 

<< Bound over to keep the peace !" said Curzon and myself to- 
gether. 

" « Nothing less; and although there is |^obody hereabout would 
tell, yet if the affair got u)to the papers by any means, why there 
are some people in Cork would like to press my friend there, for 
he is a very neat shot when he has the saw-handle," and here the 
doctor winked. 

. ' We had little time permitted us to think upon the oddity of meet- 
ing a man in such circumstances, for we were now obliged to con- 
tribute our aid in conveying him to the road, where some means 
might be procured for his transfer to Kilrush, or some other town 
in the neighborhood, for he was by this time totally unable to walk. 

After half an hour's toiling, we at last did reach the highway, 
'by which time I had ample opportunity, short as the space was, to 
see something of the character of our two opponents. It appeared 
that the doctor exercised the most absolute control over his. large 
friend, dictating and conmianding in a tone which the otl^er never 
-ventured to resist; for a moment or two, Mr, Beamish ejq>rwsed a 



/ 



J^d meaHs lo lorofw.^h^ Sfaanwa iPl^ Krary l thi«» bovoip^, Hit 
doctor apf«!si0d «<re«iioiiiily» &ow tbe iMc^of 9iibli«k{r ; 9i»d^&miif 
settled that we should aM go im a liiody to ^ui.&ieiid, Father Mala^ 
iM txmmxi^s iiatts(» onlfr <wo uoiea 0$; wliafa the ^pck man liraald 
liftve do^ most teiid^ c«ip> aod wbsut the dodoir i^n«i4ami ^qi«l% 
jndiapeoat^able^ w^ oursii»lve&a most lem^Uent SM^^p^, wd a haaMy 
weloome. 
^ Y0a know Fpithar Malacbi»af ooimi«9 Mir. Lonrequer?" 

^ ^^Net kaow M^hiabi Braamst wd live in Clara ! Well, \ro)]^ 
liKEtt is alTfti^ ; 9iice be is iha prio^ pf tbia coautry f<^ twelve wlaa 
in every dii^eetion of y^u^and a better ma^i^ aad ptlea$aiiter» tbam 
4ms not live ia tbe duDoeee ; though Vm hia oousia that says k/^ 

Aft^r professing all the possible pleasura it would afford my 
liiand and rnyse^ to asaake Abe aoq^ifi^tanca of. Father MataKdi% 
we proceeded to place Mr. Beamish iii ^ car that was passing at 
tbs tim^^^aiiid si^urted for tbe Bssidenea of the good priest* The wliple 
0( the w&y thitb^ I was ooonpied b<»t by oaa thought^ a barniiig 
aaiiety to know tbe < cause. of our quarrel, and I longed foiUm 
miment when I might get the doctor apart fiom his firieod, t# 
make ^ ioqutry.' 

" There look down to your left, where you see the lights shiiih 
mg so brigbdy 9 thai is FalheD Malacbi'^ h^nse ; as swe as isqr name 
is Ik Cour«y Finuimne, then^^a fua going on there this nigbt.'^ 

^ Why, thei^ certaialy ckoes seem a great ilfaimipatiou in tim 
ysJley there/' said I. 

. *^ Mary I newr," ssmL the doctor, " if it isn't a station -" 

» ^ A station l-^pray may Iradc— •" . * ^ 

*' ¥ou need not a^ a word on tbe subject; for, if I am a tnw 
prophet, you'll know what it means before morning." 

A little more dhatttng together brought us to a narrow road^ 
flanked on either side by high- hedges of hawthorn, and, in a &w 
minnles more, we stood before the priest's residence, a long, ^tfhite* 
waited, thatched house, naving great appearance of con&rt and 
eanvenience. Arrived here, the doctor seemed at once to take <>ia 
Um the arrangements of the whole party ; for, after raising the iatch 
and entering the house, he returned to us in a few minutes, and 
aaid, 

*' Wait a while now ; we'll not go in to Father Malachi, UU 
we've put Giles to bed." 

We, accordingly^ lifted him from off the car, and assisted him 
into the house, and following Finucane down a narrow passage, at 
last reached a most comfortable little chamber, with a neat bed ; 
faere we placed him, while the doctor gave 8om^ directions to a 
hai^e^ieaded, red-legged hussy, without shoes or stockings, aad 
himself proceeded to examine the wound, which was a more 
wrious one than it first appeared* 
. Aibsr half an hour thus occupied, during which time roars ot 



the 4mt opmed, from a AMtnt pan of the hovse, wliem hiv i 
tnnes^imB emtnisMmg hit irimds, and which, as^Mflm •» lii«y « 
faftaid by the lioctor soemed loprodnes hkhtewDSalioiis vol mMhe 
4iMe that afiieted the « veddkig CM«t'^ in the ^ Aacteat MariMt^*^ 
when he heaid die ^^kiud basseon/' and as oenainty impaitedati 
e^ualy Umging' demre te be afmtaker in the mirdi. Weatruged 
mrerf titmg mXi^bctoiilf Ibr Mr. Beanosfti's eoinfeat^md witha 
large basin of vinegar and water to keep his Icnee coel^ and a 
Mong tumbler of hot piuidiy to keep his hetatt wafiiH-4ionMBopathic 
aaediofiie is not half so new as Dr< ifehneman would make us bn- 
Uet^e^^^w^ left Mr. Beamish le bis cmn meditaticpfiSy and do«bdniB 
Mgnte that he did net gitft ^ the saw4iaiid]ed one, he was used to^" 
.while we proeeeded to make owt ha^Wt lo fiither Malacbi BrentiM. 
B«t, as I havie nointentton lo treat Hie gMd priest with ingiiati- 
'e, I shall not present him to my readers at the tail of a cbsflsr. 



CHAPTER VL 

HAma JOVBS JJO) THB AMBSU 

Af fhe condusion of eur last chapter we left our quondam an- 
tagonist Mr. Beamish, stretched at full length upon a bed praeilt* 
hig homoeopathy by adrnmislering hot punch to his fever, while wie 
Mlowed our d!iapeit»n, Doetor Finocane, into the presence of the 
Reverend Father Brennan. 

Tlie company hito whidi we now, without aaffy iseremony on our 
parts, introduced ourselves, con^t^ of from five-and-twenty to 
thirty persons, seated around a large oak table, plentifolly provided 
with materials for drintdng, and cups, goblets, and glasses of ev^ 
shape and form. The moment we entered, the doctor stepped to- 
ward, and touching Father Maladii on the shoulder — for so I 
rightiy guessTed him to be— presented himself to his relative, by 
whom he was welcomed with every demonstration of joy. While 
their recognitions were exchanged, and while the doctor explamed 
the reasons of our visit, I was enabled, undisturbed and unnoticed, 
to take a brief survey of the party. 

Fatber Malachi Brennan, P. P. of Carrigaholt, was what I had 
often pictured to myself as the beau ideal of his caste ; his -figure 
was short, fleshy, and enormously muscular, and displayed pro- 
portions which wanted but height to constitute a perfect Herctdes ; 
his legs so thick in the calf, so taper in the ande, locked like no- 
thing I know, except perhaps, the metal balustrades df Carlisle- 
bridge; h»&ee WM ktt^ and iwy,and the general ezpi^esaon. a 

6* I 



wnkn^wn of anbaunctod good humour ftod inezhaudtible drottarfi to 
which the restless activity of his Uack aiid arched 6ye«<hrow8 
greatly contributed ; and lus mouthy were it not for a character ci 
eensuality and Yolujptuousnees about the nether lip, had been ao* 
tnally hradsome; his head was bald| except a narrow ciicle doee 
i^ve the earsi which was marked by a ring of curly dark hair, 
sadly insufficient howeveri to conceal a deyelopement behind, that, 
if there be truth in phrenology, bodes but little happinesB to the 
disciples of Miss Martineau. 

Add to these external signs a voice rich, fluent, and racy, with 
the mellow ^ doric'' of his country, and you have soma niint re^ 
semblance of one ^ every inch a ptwsW The very antipodes to 
the bonhomie of this figure, confronted him as croupier at the foot 
of the table. This, as I afterwards learned, was no less a penon 
than Mister Donovan, the coadjutor or << curate;'' he was a tail, 
spare, ungainly looking man of about five and thirty, with a pale, 
ascetic countenance, the only readable expressicm of which vibrat- 
ed between low suspicion and intense vulgarity: over his low 
projecting forward, hung down a mass of straight red hair ; in- 
deed — ^for nature is not a politician — it almost approached an orange 
hue. This was cut close to the head all round, and displayed 
ih their full proportions a pair of enormous ears which stood out 
in ^ relief," like turrets from a watch-tower, and with pretty much 
the same object ; his skin was of that peculiar color and texture, to 
which, not all ^ the water in great Neptune's ocean" could impart 
a look of cleanliness, while his very voice, hard, harsh, and inflexi- 
Ue, was unprepossessing and unpleasant And yet, strange as it 
may seem, he, too, was a correct type of his order , the only diffe- 
rence being, that Father Malachi was an older coiiiage, with tto 
impress of Douay or St Omers, whereas Mister Donovan was the 
shining metal, fresh stamped from the mint of Maynooth. 

While thus occupied in my surveillance of the scene before me, 
I was roused by the priest saying— 

<< Ah, Fin, my darUng, you needn't deny it ; you're at the old 
game as siue as my name is Malachi, and ye'il never be easy or 
quiet till ye're sent beyond the sea, or maybe have a record of 
your virtues on half a ton of marble in the church-yard yonder." 

<< Upon my honor, upon the sacred honor of a De Courcy — ^" 

<^Well, well, never nund it now; ye see ye're just keeping 
your, friends cooling themselves there in the corner — ^introduce me 
at once." 

« Mr. Lorrequer, I'm sure " 

^^ My name is Curzon," said the adjutant, bowing. 

"A mighty pretty name, though a little profane; well, Mr. 
Curseon," for so he pronounced it, " ye're as welcome as the flow- 
ers in May : and it's mighty proud I am to see ye here«»" 

<* Mr. Lorrequer, allow me to shake your hand — ^I've heard of 
ye before." 

There seemed nothing vefy strange in that ;<br go where 1 would 



/' • 
Atolig^ Haia ootuitf, I seemed as generally known at erer was 
Aranmel in Bond-street. 

** Win te&i me/' continued Father Malaohi, <<diat yoM ratBer not 
be known down here, in regard of a reason/' and here he winked. 
^Make yourselves quite easy; the king's writ was never but once 
in diese parts ; and the < original and true copy' went back to Lim- 
erick in the stomach of the server ; they maae him eat it, Mr. Jjor* 
requer ; but it's as well to be cautious, for there are a good number 
here. A little dinner, a little quarterly dinner we have among us, 
Mr. Curseon, to be social together, and raise a * thrifle' Ibr the 
Iridi college at Rome, where we have a |M:obationer or two our^ . 
selves." 

<^ As good as a station, and more drink/' whispered Fin into my 
ear. ^ And now/' continued the priest, ** ye mui^ just permit ma 
to re-christen ye both, and the contribution will not be the less for 
what I'm going to do ; and I'm certain you'U not be the worse for 
the chai^ Mr. Curseon — though 'tis only for a lew hours, ye'U 
have a decent name." 

As I could see no possible objection to this proposal, nor did 
Gurzon either, our only desire being to maintain the secrecy neees- 
aary for our imtagonist's safety, we at once assented ; when Fatfier 
M alachi took me by the hand, bi^t with such a totsi change in his 
whole air and deportment, that I was completely puzzled by it; he 
led me forward to the company with a good deal of that ceremo- 
fiious reverence I have often admired in Sir Charles Vembn, when 
conducting some fuU-biown dowager though the mazes of a castle 
minuet The desire to laugh outr%ht was almost irmsistible, as 
the Rev. Father stood at arm's length from me, still holding my 
hand, and bowing to the company pretty much in the style of a 
manager introducing a blushing debutante to an audience. A mo- 
ment mote, and I must have inevitably given way to a burst of 
laughter ; when what was my horror to hear the priest present me 
to the company as their " excellent, worthy, generous, andpatriotic 
young landlord, Lord KUkec^ Cheer every mother's son of ye ; 
cheer I say ;" and certainly precept was never more strenuously 
backed by example, for hcfbuzzaed till I thought he would bunt 
a blood-vessel ; may I add, I almost wished it, sudi was the insuf- 
ferable annoyance, the chagrin, this announcement gave me ; and 
I waited with eager impatience for the din and clamor to subside, 
jto disclaim every syllable of the priest's announcement, and take 
the consequences of my baptismal epithet, cost what it might. To 
this I was impelled by many and important reasons. Situated a& 
I was with respect to the Callonby family, my assumption of their 
name at such a moment might get abroad, and the consequencea 
to me, be inevitable ruin; and independent of my natural re- 
pugnance to such sailing under false colors, I saw Curzon laughing . 
almost to suffocation at my wretched predicament, and (so strong 
within me was the dread of ridicule).! thought," what a pretty har*- 
rative he is concocting for the mess this minute." I rose to reply , 



jtfwi yJiMfttlMir ythcr Mftl»Aii> with hi» iatoitiw <tmiimm&it 

my purpose or not I cannot say, but he mutaaaky nesolW k^'mft," 

-MMdbtivn ne^Md bemneceedad:: while mlb Ifan oMe kMid te mo- 
ttomd to the paflky to iBW|> fiikiioet "inth die etber be (koi»kii8U«lf 
Curam, bot wilbno pecuiiar or very jmoaewged itqfMiet, and iflto- 

. diioed him Asi Mn Mac Neash^ the oew iSootch slewai4-aiid iMfw- 
vei— «a t^haiacter at that time wbaae j^pulatity might compete wij^ 
a tiibe proator or an exeiaemao. So isompldiely did this taotiqae 
turn tlifi taUas upanihe poor .adjutant, who themooieot before was 
axulttog over me, tbat I intteriy foigot wiy own^oes^ and aat dewn 

.-oeavulfled with mirlb at bm a^iaation-*-«iin eaootion cectaialy net 
lessened as I saw Curzon passed from one to the other at tabfe> 
^ like a.paiuper lo bts paxisb/^ ^1 be found an asylum .at tbe n^ry 
footp.in juxta with tiie engaging Moster tDoiiovan, a prnpin^ity^if 

• I might judge fbom thek oewiteaamM, laocoFeted by eUhm pailj. 
Witfle Aicas wae perfommg, Doetar Fkiueene was mataing Isvs 
xeoogailiolis with seroral of the company, to whom he bgA been 
long known during his visits to the neighboiiiood* I oow resumed 
my I^ace mi iJm rig^ of Ibe fWther^ abaadwii^ for the parasent 
allioteiitimi of diadatming my rank, Mtd the eempaigR was^^^p^md. 
The pcieet «io w earaotedhimaelf to the xiuottost to raoeU eoa^amatiun 
into the original chanaals, and* if posable to dmw <iS aftaotkin 
from me, which be atill ftared, migiu, perhafa, elicit acme imtoeky 
amMimaement oa my past. FaUiag in Im endeMwm to bring 
onattersjto their former fcotm^ be tunued the wiioie brant of ,bis 
Attentioiis to the worthy dieter, wbo jsat on bis left 

^ Uow goes oa the law/' saidbe, <^ Fin ? any new proofs^ aalhey 
call dibem^ forthcoming ?'' 

WJ:mt Fin replied, I ooold not ihear, but the allusion to tbe 
^ suit" was esplaaiied by Falfaer Malaebi informing us that the 
only impedimeni between his cou^ and the title of Kioeale lay in 

•die uafortimale fact, that hia grandmother, -^ rest ibor sowl/^ was 
not a man. 

Doctor Firvoeane winced a little under the manner in which this 
was spoken : but returned the £re* by asking if the bishop was 
dawn lately in that quarter ? The eTasive way ia which ^ the 
Father'^ replied iiaving stimulated my curiosity as to the reason, 
iittle entreaty was necessary to persuade the doctor to relate die 
following anecdote, which was not relished the less by his4&uperior, 
that it told somewhat heaTily on Mr. Donovan. 

" It is about four y«ars ago," said the doctor, '^ since the Bishop, 
Dr. Plmdnet, took it iuu^ his head that he'd make a geneml in- 
spection, < a recoanoisance,' as we'd call it, Mr, Lor — that is, my 
lord ! tluough the whole diocese, and leave no part far nor near 
^nrithout poking his nose in it and seeing how matters were doing. 
He heard very queer stories about his reverence here, and so 
down he came one morning in the month of July, riding upon an 
(dd gray hack, kK>king just for all the world like any other elderly 
evtieman in very.rusty blad<:. When he got near the village 1^ 



i v^B lil!lleliir)r tO'slxivr Mm tbe shoes eut aMSoaiEr Ihe&Ms 
toi'lkn^hMBe here ; and wb; Mb^ Ibfdriap wasa * daecp mam ted » 
^OBwi^ bm kept Ms ey« onevBtf thHUg aft be went idosg, lemszk- 
iny tfaos, and »o(ing down tiM; 

^^ Are ye reg:ubir in ye? AvJmt^ my son?'' said he to the gosaottii. * 

^^I o«rer miss a Sandoiy/ said the gos9QQo»; ^for it^ ^ic^ys 
waHongr his rervefeoee's horse I om the whole time av pray^s.'' 

^ His kndibip said no more for a Utile while, when he mattered 
b«twi80ii hia teeth, < Ah, if'a just slandei^^QioAiDg hut slaaid^ aod 
lyhii^ tongues/ Tlus sohloopiy was^ caissed by Im fensackiag that 
os^very gc^ bo passed, or from every eatun^ two oc thiese inehiiis 
vmqUL dome out hatf naited, bat all "with die finest heads of red 
h«r &# ever saw in hia Mfe. 

^''Bow is it my sinr/ ssoi he, at length ; * tbsy tell very strange 
sisriestabacit'Faitfaer Iffaladii, and I see so many of these duldrait 
with red hair. Eh — ^now Father Malachi's a dark man.' 

^^Ita^lbr ye/ seoi *e hey; ^mar fiir ye, Fadmr MaladU^s 
dstlTv Imt ^se cead^Etor [^^-Ae eoadpttor's as ted ds a fbx/ " 

When tfie langh this stoory^ csmed had a Kllte subsided^ Father 
Malachi caAed out, ^Msehey Ottlaliaii! Midceyv I soy^ hand his 
lortship over <tbe girocefies'^'-^>^a6 be designated a square de- 
canter, containing about two quarts of whiskey, and a bowl . 
kBi9«d Ugh with sugar-r^ a dacenC boy is Mieksy, my loid^ and 
I'm happy to be the m^eans of making him known to yon.'^ I . 
bo«od with condnseeiHsion, while Mr. Oabthaa's eyes sparkled 
litaidiamBDflds at tbe'iecognition* 

"He has only two years of the leasp to rOD,. and a Mong. 
dharge,' ^* (angl^, a loige family,) continued die priest 

^'r II not forget Um, you may depend upon it/' said I. 

«Bo yxm hear that,'' said Fathefr Mahichi, dating a |^ce of 
trinuBph round the taUe, while a genesal buzz of commfitida'tion en 
ptiest and patron west round, with maiay sncli phrases as, ^ (Mk 
thsR^ te's Wfl rivhrance can do it/' •'na boGkttih,'^<< and why noe," 
&G0. to. As for me, I have alr^y ** confessed'' to my eryipg sin, 
a fttal, irresistible inchaation to follow the humor c^ the, moment 
whieiever it led me ^ and now I fovmd myself as active a paxtizan 
in (fnizzing Mickey Oulahan, as though I was not myself a party 
iactuded in the jest. I was thus fidrly launched into my inveterate;^ 
habit, and nothing could arrest my progress. 

Om by one the different individuals round the table were pre- 
santedto me, and made known their various wants, with an impli* 
cit confidence in my power of relieving them, whiidi I with equal 
loadiness ministered to. I lowered die rent of every man at table. 
I made a geneml jail ddivory, an act of grace, (I blush to say^) 
which seemed to be peculiarly interesting to the present company.. 
I ateMidied all arrears^-^-madie a new line of joad throu^ an im^ 
passabts bog, and oter an inaccessible mountain— -end conducted 
water to a mill, whidi (I teamed in the morning) was always 
warked by wind. The decanter had scameiy^conqplated its thud> 






70 covrxssiom or babbt Lo&msqvBB. 

cncuit of the boa^, when I bid fiiir to be die moet popular apetd- 
men of the peerage that ever yisited Uie <<fiur west'' In Uie midst 
of my career of nniversal beneroleneej I was interrupted by Fa- 
ttier Maldchi, whom I found on his legs, pronouncing a glowi^ 
eulogium on his cousin's late r^^ent, the £uaous North Cork. 

<< That was the coros !" said he. ^ Bid them do a thing, and 
they'd never leave off; and so, when they got orders to retire from 
Wexford, it's little they cared for the comforts of baggage, like 
many another regiments, for they threw away everv thing but their 
canteens, and never stopped till they ran to Ross, nfte^i miles fiur 
tfier than the enemy followed them. And when they were all h^ 
bed the same night, fatigued and tired with their exertions, as ye 
may suppose, a drummer's boy called out^in his sleep-^binre 
they are — they're coming' — they all jumped up and set off in their 
diirts and got two miles out of town before they discovered it wat 
a fitlse alarm." 

Peal after peal of laughter followed the priest's encomium oa 
the doctor's regiment ; and, indeed, he himself joined most heartily 
in the mirth, as he might well afford to do^ seeing that a braver or 
better corps than the North Cork, Ireland did not possess. 

^ WeU," said Fin, ^ it's easy to see ye never can forget what they 
did at Ma3mooth." 

Father Malachi disclaimed all personal feeling on the subject ^ 
and I was at last gmtified by the following narrative, which I re- 
gret deeply I am not enabled to give in the doctor's own verbii^ ; 
but writing as I do from memory, (in most instances;) I can only 
convey the substance. 

It was towards the latter end of the year '98 — ^the year of the 
troubles — ^that the North Cork were ordered, ^ for their sins," I be- 
lieve, to march from their snug quarters in Fermoy, and take up a 
position in the town of Maynooth — a very coosidorable reverse of 
fortune to a set of gentlemen extremely addicted to dining out, and 
living at large upon a very pleasant neighborhood. Fermoy abound- 
ed in gentry ; Maynooth at that time had few, if any, excepting 
his Grace of I^inster, and he lived very privately, and saw no 
compauv. Maynooth was stupid and dull — there were neiUier 
belles not balls \ Fermoy (to use the doctor's well remembered 
words) had ^^ great feeding," and «* very genteel young ladies, that 
carried their handkerchiefr in bags, and danced with the officers." 
Hiey had not been many weeks in their new' quarters, when 
they began to pioe over their altered fortunes, and it was with a 
^Qse of delight^ which a few months before would have been in- 
lomprehensible to them, they discovered, that one of their ftScen^^ 
i%d a brother, a young priest in the college : he introduced him to 
^me of his confreres, and the natural result followed. A visiting 
uaiDtance began between the regiment and such of the mem- 
of the college as had liberty to leave the precincts, who, as 
t^ ripened the acquaintance into intimacy, very naturally pie- 
red ihe cuisine of^he North Cork to the meag^ fare of << the 



jKOirafCxom of mammy xosu^itsb* 71 

rafedory.^' At test sddom a day wwt by, wiiiotit one or two ci 
their reverences finding themselres guests at the mess. The North 
Corkians were of a most hospitable turn, and the &thers were de« 
t^mined the virtue should not rust for want of being exercised ; 
they would just drop in to say a word to << Captain OTlaherty 
about leave to shoot in the demesne/' as Carton was styled; or, 
they had a <^ fripik from the duke for the colonel/' or some other 
equally pressing reason ; and they would contrive to be cai^ht ia 
the middle of a very droll story just as the ^ roast beef/ was play* 
ing. Very little en^eaty Aen sufficed — a short apology for the 
« dte^lem^its" of dress, and a few minutes more found them 
seated at table without further ceremony on either side. 

Among the favorite guests from the cdlege, two were peculiarty 
in estimati<m — ** the Professor of the Humanities," Father Luke 
JMooney ;• and the Abb6 D'Anray, *^ the Lecturer on Moral Philo- 
soi^iy and Belles Lettres ;" and certain it is, pleasanter fellows, or 
Biore gifted with the *^ convivial bump/' there never existed. He 
of the Humanities was a droll dog — a member of the Curran dub, 
the << monks of the screw/' told an excellent story, and sang the 
^ Cmiskeen Lawn" better than did any before or since him ;-^e 
moral philosopher, though of a different genre, was also a most 
' i^preeable companion, an Irishman transplanted in his youth to St. 
Ctaiers, and who had grafted upon his native humor a considerable 
share of French smartness and repartee — such were the two, who 
ruled supreme in all the festive arrangements of this .jovial regi- 
ment, and were at last as regular at table, as the adjutant and £e 
paymaster, and so might they have continued, had not proi^rity, 
that, m its blighting influence upon the heart, spares neither priests 
nor laymen, and is equally severe upon mice (see ^sop's fable) 
and moral philosophers, actually deprived them, for the << nonce" 
of reason, and tempted them to their ruin. You naturally ask, 
what did they do ? Did they venture upoi^ allusions to the retreat 
apon Ross ? Nothing of the kind. Did they, in that vanity whidi 
wine inspires, refer by word, act or inuendo, to the well-kQown 
order of then: colonel when reviewing his regiment in ^^ the rhcd- 
tiix,'^ to ^ advance two steps backwards, and dress by the gutter ?'^ 
Far be it from them : though indeed either of these had been es- 
teemed light in the balance compared with their real crime. '^ Then, 
what was their failing-r-come tell it, and burn ye ?" They actually, 
^ horrescb refei%ns,"-quiz;^ the Major coram the whole mess ! — 
Now, Major John Jones had only lately exchanged into the North 
Cork from the ** Darry Ragement," as he called it. He was a red hot 
Orangeman, a deputy grand-something and vice-chairman, of the 
^ Prentice Boys" beside. He broke his leg whep a school-boy, by 
a fall incurred in tying an orange handkerchief around king Wil- 
liam's august neck in college-green, on one 12th of July, and three 
several times had closed the gates of Derry with his own loyal 
hands, on the famed anniversary ; in a word, he was one, that if 
his church had eiljoined penance as an expiation for sin, wouM 



D»¥e k>«ked up^ia auirip to Jmmiam (m^Jmhu^ltmeSj aravirf 
^|ht punishment for the exm» o&, his conacioieey thai b« sot «l 
table widi two buck pei^stf fe>m Maynooda, aod caryed lor theo^ 
like the rest of the company I . 

Poor Major Jbaes, howevert had ub sach. solace^ uid the eairiBM 
werm ea4/ daily deeper and deeper into bis pining heart Duri^gt 
tbr three or four weeks of their iotioaaciy witK bis reguantf^ bur 
iKurtyrdoia was awfuL Hi3 igure wasted, and bis> cfdenr beoMMi 
a. deeper tinge of orar^e, aisid all around averred that there we«kl 
aeon be a ^ move np^' ia the eorps^ for the magcMr had eiridentffi 
^got bU notice to quit'' tbia woild and its pomps and.vamtkisi 
He felt << that be was dyin^'' to use Haiass Bayly's beautiful aaA 
ai^siAe words, and meditated anfeiicehaBge^ butthat, fteniidieiim- 
ataooes, waus out of the qjueslien. At U^ subdued by giie^ani 
pashubly bis spirit having daafed kself ansootb hf wmii craatail 
attntien^ he became, to all seesiing, esdimu;^ but it waa only tbci 
oitoi of a broksa and weary heart. Sudi v§m Msfoa i$mm wt 
tips time, wheB ^^auadmita diabolo/' it seemed asi^t to Fatheta 
JCiloucry and D'Army to make him the bult e£ ttasir rafflery. Alt 
firat, he oeuld not believe it ; tbe thing, was iiicredifale-^iaeiptiMMe r 
bitt when he looked around the table, wfaeiab be heard tbe roaxa o£. 
buighter, long, loud and vociferous ; when be beard bis naeoe bosi^ 
<tt^ firoiaone to the otber acrdss the taUe, wilh sonie vib jeet 
tabbed to it " like a tia kettle to a dog's taiV he awoke tio tbe fult 
measure af, bis misery-*4;he cup was fkilL Pate, bad dene bsr 
worst, and be migbt have exelaimed with Lsar, ^^ spit fire — ^spout^ 
rain," there was nothing ia store for him of further miafortuaMt 

A drum-head court martial-*a. hint ^ to sell ont"-'-*ay, a smir 
teaee of << dismissed the service/' had been mortal ealamUies, and 
like a man, he would have borne them; but that he, Major Jodotn; 
Janes, D. &. S. C. P. B., &g. &c^ who bad drank tbe ^ pious,, 
g^rious, and immortal," sHting astride of *^ tbe great gun of AAh' 
lone," should come to this i Alas, and alas ! He retired that nighii 
to bi^hamber a <^ sadder if not a wiser man ;" he dreamed that th« 
^^atalffe" had given place to the unshapely figure o( Leo X., and. 
that >^ Lundy now stood where Walker stood before*" He jumped: 
fW»n his bed in a moment of enthusiasm, he vowed his^ revenge^, 
and he kept his row* « 

That day the major was << acting field officer." The varioiia 
patroles, sentries, picquets emd out*i[K)Sts, were all «mder his 4spe«* 
cial control ^ and it was remaarked that be took peculiar pains in 
selecting the men for night duty, which, in tke prevailing quietness 
and peace of that time, seemed scarcely warrantable. 

Evening drew near, and Major Jones, sununoned by the <^ oft 
beard beat," wended his<way to the mess. The bfficers were drop-* 
ping in, and true as <^ the needle to the pole," came Father Mooney 
and tbe Abb& They were wdcomed with tbe usual wannth, and 
stBange to say, by none more than the major himself, whose hilarity 
View no bounds. 



How the eveomg passed, I sh^H not stop to relate ; suffice it to 
8^7, that a more briUiant feast of wit and joUificatioa^ not €iV^ 
the North Cork ever enjoyed. Fatheir Luke's drollest stories^ ljf9 
Tery quaijptest humor show Ij^rth, and the Abb6 sang a now 
*^CMtison 4 JSoire^^^ that Beranger might have envied. 

" What are you about, my dear leather D'Ayray !*' said the 
<H^nel ; ^* you are surely not rising yet ; here's a fte9h cooper of 
pprt jiiist cQme in ; sit down, I entreat." ' 

^' I say it with ^rieff my dear colonel, we must away ; the b^UV 
bomr has jii«t chimed, and we must be within ' the gates' befpr^ 
twelve. The truth is, the superior has been makihg himself veiriy 
tjCf uI>lesome abpnt ^ our carnal amusements' as he calls jout inno- 
^^t mirth, and we must tharefoj^e be upon our guard/' 

^< Well, if it m%i9t be so, we shall not risji^ losing your society 
^toget^ber, for an hour prtso now; so, one bumper to our n^;^ 
meeting — to-morrow, mind, and now, M. D'Abb^, an revoir.'' 

The w<)rthy fathers finished their jjlasses, and taking a vf^si 
affectionate leave of their kind entertamers, salUed forth und^r th^ 
^idai^u?e of Major Jones^ who insisted upon accomjpanying thei» 
part of the way, as, '^ from information he had leceived, the sen« 
Cfik^ W'ere dpubled m some places, and the usual precau|ians 
igainst surprise. all taken." Much as thjs ^polite attention mX" 
prised the objects oi it, his brother officers wondered still more^ 
and no sooner did they perceive the major and his conipsmctns 
iesn^ forth, than th^y set-out in a body to watch where this nvost 
iy^(d\ and unesq^ct^d Qoinj^altonc^ would terminate. 

When the priests reached the door of the barrack-yard, they 
again turned to 'utter thoiar ti>anks to the major and pntreat him 
ogee miore, ^ not to oome a step farther. There now, major, fve 
know the path well, so just g^ve us th© pass, and dpn't stay out in 
the night air." 

^"^^ Ah oui, Monsieur Jonas," said the Abb6, "retournpsji jp vons 
pri6. We are, t njay say, chez nous. Ces brives gens, les Nor<(]i 
Cork, know us by this time." ' * ^ 

Xha Major smiUid^ w;hila he still pressed his se.rvices tp s^e them 
past the picquets, but they were resolved and would npt be denied! 

^ With the word fpr the night, we want npthipg more," ^id 
father lyuke. 

" Well thcB," said the major, in the gravest tone, and he wa^ 
•a^^Uy gravcf " you shall have your way, but remember to can 
oiM loud, for iy»e %st sentry is a little deaf, and a very passionate, 
til-tempered fellow to boot." 

^ jNever fear," said Father Mppney, laughing ; " I'U ^o bail h^Tl 
l^aipr n>e.'^ 

" Well— the word for the night is^--^ Bloody end to the Pope,'— 
doflt't forgot now, ^Bloody end to the Pope,' " a^ with these words 
Ito b^iiged the door between him and the unfortunate priests ; an<L 
na Ixilt was ia^tpned after holt, they heard him laughing to hlqiself 



74 CONFESSIONS OF HABRT LOBREquXR. 

^ And big bad luck to ye, Major Jones, for the same, every' day 
ye see a paving stone/' was the faint sub-audible ejaculation of 
Father Luke, when he was recovered enough to speak. 

^^ Sacristi ! que nous sommes attrdp6s'' said the Abb6, scarcely 
able to avoid laughing at the situation in which they were placed. 

" Well, there's the quarter chiming now ; we've no time to lose 
—Major Jones ! Major, darling ! don't now, ah, don't ! sure ye 
know we'll be ruined entirely — ^there now, just change it, like a 
dacent fellow — ^the devil's luck to him, he's gone. Well, we can't 
stay here in the rain all night, and be expelled in the morning 
afterwards — so come along." * - 

They jogged on for a few minutes in silence, till they came to 
that part of the *^ Duke's" demesne wall, where the first sentry 
was stationed. By &is time the officers, headed by the major, 
had quietly slipped out of the gate, and were following their steps 
at a convenient distance. 

The fathers had stopped to consult together, what they should 
do in this trying emergency— : when their whisper being overheard, 
the sentinel called out gruffly, in the genuine (Ualect of his country^ 
^ who goes that P^ 

<* Father Luke Mooney, and the Abbe ly Array," said the former, 
in his most bland and insinuating tone of voice, a quality he most 
eminently possessed. 

^ Stand and give the countersign." > 

** We are coming from the mess, and going home to the college/^ 
said Father Mooney, evading the question, and gradimlly advanc- 
ing as he spoke. 

^ Stand, or I'll shot ye,^' said the North Corkian, 

Father Luke halted, while a muttered << Blessed Virgin" an- 
nounced his state of fear and trepidation. 

** D' Array, I say, what are we to do ?" 

« The countersign," said the sentry, whose figure they could pei^ 
eeive in the dim distance of about thirty yards. « 

^< Sure ye'U let us pass, my good lad, and ye'U liave a friend in 
Father Luke the longest day ye live, and ye might have a worse 
in time of need : ye understand." 

Whether he did understand or not, he certainly /lid not heed, 
for his only reply was the short click of his gun4ock, that bespeaks 
a preparation to fire. 

" There's no help, now, said Father Luke ; <« I see he's a*hay- 
then ; and bad luck to the major, I say again ;" and |his in the fid- 
ness of his heart he uttered aloud. 

** That's not the countersign," said the inexorable sentry, strik- 
ing the butt end of the musket on the ground with a crash that 
smote terror ipto the hearts of the priests. 

Mumbb — ^mumble ^^ to the Pope," said Father Luke, pro- 
nouncing the last words distinctly, after the approved practice of 
a Dublin watchman, on being awoke from his dreams of row and 
riot by the last toll of the Post-office, and not knowing whether it 



eOHf B88XOHS OV BARBT LOBBEQirXK. ^ 75 

has struck « twelve'' or " three'' sings out the word " o'clock," in 
a long sonorous drawl/ that wakes every sleeping citizen and yet 
tells nothing how ^< time speeds on his flight." 

'^ Louder/' said'the sentry, in a voice of impatience. 
. « to the Pope." 

« I don't hear the first part." 

*' then," said the priest, with a sigh that might have melted 
the heart of anything but a sentry, ^ Bloody end to the Pope : and 
may the saints in heaven forgive me for saying, it.'^ 

" Again," called out the soldier ; « and no muttering." 

" Bloody end to the Pope," cried Father Luke in bitter despera* 
tion. 

** Bloody end to. the Pope," echoed the Abb6. 

** Pass bloody end to the Pope, and good night," said the sentry, 
resuming his rounds, while a loud and uproarious peal of laughter 
behind, told the unlucky priests they were overheard by oSiers, 
and that the story would be over the whole town in the morning. 
. Whether it was that the penance for their heresy took long in 
accomplishing, or that they never could summon courage su^cient 
to fiice their persecutor, certain it is, the North Cork saw them no 
more, nor were they ever observed to pass the precincts of the 
college, while that regiment occupied Maynooth. 

Major Jones himself, and his confederates, could not have more 
heartily relished this story, than did the party to whom the doctor 
related it Much, if not all the amusement it afforded, however^ 
resulted firom his inimitable mode of telling, and the power of 
mimicry, with which he conveyed the dialogue with the sentry r 
and this, alas, must be losf to my readers, at least to that portion 
of them not fortunate enough to possess Dr Finucane's acquaint- 
ance. 

'^ Fin ! Fin ! your long story has nearly famiahed me," said the 
padre^ as the laugh subsided ; and there you sit now with the jug' 
at your elbow this half-hour ; I never thought you would forget 
our old friend Martin Hanegan's aunt" 

<< Here's to her health," said Fin ; ^< and your reverence will get 
us the chant" 

^ Agreed," said Father Maiachi, finishing a bumper ; and after 
giving a few preparatory hems, he sang the following ^ singularly 
w&d and beautiful poem," as some one calls Christable : — 

. " Hera's ft beahh to Martin Hmegaii^t aunt. 
And I'll tell ye Uw reaaon w)iy 
She eata bekase the is hangry. 
And drinka bekase she is diy. 

And if ever a mani 

Stopped the coarse of a can, ^ 

Maziin Hanegan's annt would cry— ^ 

* Arrah, fill np your glass, 
And ]et the jug pass ; 
» How d'ye know but your neighbor's dhry V* 



76 cx>iivt^uy»s OF uawblx i.OAa»^ma» 

^ Convey my lord and gentlemen, de capo^ if ye please^-^Fili yfi 
your glass/' &c.; aiid the cha?ison was^chorussed with a strcagtli 
and vigor that would have astonijshed the PlulhamKHiic. 

The mirth and fun now grew <<iast and furious;" and Father 
Malachi, rising with the occasion, flung his reckleas <koUery and 
fun on every side, sparing none, from hi« cousin to the cuadjutor. 
It was now that peculiar period in the evening's enjoyment, wh^n 
an expert and practical chairman gives up all interference et man- 
agement, and leaves every thing to take its coufse ; this then wa» 
the happy moment selected by Father Malachi to propose the UtUe 
<< contribution/' He brought a plate from a side table, and piaicing 
it before him, addressed the company in a very brief ^ but sensihk 
speech, detailing the object of the institution be was advocating, 
and concluding witb the following words : — ^^ And oow jre'll just 
give whatever ye like, according to your muea^is in life, and what' 
ye can spare." 

The admonition, like the <^ morale" of an income tax, having 
the immediate i^ffect of pitting each man against his neighbor, 
and suggesting to their already excited spirits all the ardor of 
gambling, without, however, a prospect of gain. The plate was 
first handed to me in honour of my ^^rank/' and having depositttd 
upon it a handful of small silver, the priest ran hift finger through 
ibe coin, and called out : — 

^ Five pounds ! at least ; not a farthing less, as I'm a simier. 
Look, then — see, now ; they tell ye, the gentlemen don't care fof 
the like of ye, but see for yourselves. May I trouble y'r lordshif 
to ptbs the plate to Mr. Mahony — ^he's unpatient, I see." 

Mr. Mahony, about whom I perceived very little of the im« 
patience alluded to, was a grim-looking old Christiazi, in a 3:abbit*» 
skin waistcoat, with long fla^s, who fumbled in the recesses of his 
breeches pocket for five minutes, and then drew forth three shil- 
lings, which he laid upon the plate, witii what I faocied v«ry mudi 
resembled a sigh. 

^^ Six and sixpence, is it ? or five shillings ? — all the same, Mr. 
Mahoney, and I'll not forget the thriSe you were speaking about 
this morning any way ;" and here he leaned over as interceding 
with me for him, but in reality to whisper into my ear, « the greatest 
ntiser from this to Ca^tlebar." 

« Who's that put down the half guinea in goold ?" (aod this 
time he spoke the truth.) " Who's that I say." ' 

^* Tim Kennedy, your reverence," said Tim, stroking his hair 
down with one hand, and looking proud and modest, at the same 
moment. 

** Tim, ye're a credit to us any day, and I always said so. It's 
a guager he'd like to be, my lord," said he, turning to me, in a 
kind of stage whisper. I nodded and muttered somethmg, when - 
he thanked me i|iost profoundly as if his suit had prospered. 

" Mickey Oulahan — the lord's looking at ye, Midcey." This 
was said pianissimo across the table, and had the effect of increas- 



'^COSFUSSIONS OP hIkRT LORREQUEK. ' H 

fajg'Mr. Oulahan's donation from five shillings to seT6n— Ae hM 
two being pitched in very much in the style of a. gambler maidng 
his final coup, and crying "va bangue.^' "The Oulahans were 
always dacent people— dacent people^ my lord.'* , * ^ 

" Be gorra, the Oulahans was niver dacenter nor the Molo#- 
Deys, any how/' said a tall athletic young fellow, as he threw down 
three crown pieces^ with an energy that made every coin leap 
from the plate* 

« They^^ll do now/' said Father Brennan; "Ml leave them to 
themselves,^ and truly the eagerness to get the plate and put dovii 
ibe subscription, fully equalled the rapacious anxiety I have wit- 
nessed in an old maid at loo, to get possession of a thirty-4BhiUing 
pool, be the same more or Jes^, which lingered on its way to hcr^ 
m the hands of many a fair competitor. 

"Mr. M'Nfesh'' — Curzon had hitherto escaped ,aD notice-*^ 
**Mr. M'Neesh, to your good health,'' cried Father Brennaiu 
* It's many a secret they'll be getting out o'ye down there about 
the Scotch husbandry." 

Whatever poor Curzon knew of " driHs," certainly did not ex* 
Jlcnd to them when occupied by turnips. This allusion of tt» 
priest's being caught up by the party at the foot of the table, they 
commenced a series of inquiries into different Scotch plans of tillage 
— his brief and unsatisfactory answers to which, they fek sure^ 
were given in order to evade imparting information. By degrees^ 
as they continued to press him with questions, his replies grew 
more short, and a general feeling of dislike on both sides was net 
very long in following. 

The father saw this, and determining with his usual tact to im- 
press it, called on the adjutant for a song. Now, whether he fand 
but one in the world, or whether he took this mode #f retaliating r 
for the annoyance he had suffered, I know not; but true it is, t» , 
finished his tumbler at ^, draughty and with a, yoice of no veiy 
peculiar sweetness, though abundantly loud, began " TTie Boyne 
Water.^ 

He had just reached the word " battle," in the second line, tipon 
which he was bestowing what he meant to be a shake, when, as 
if the word suggested it, it seemed the signal for a general engage- 
ment. Decanters, glasses, jugs, candlesticks — ay, and the money- 
diflh, flew right and left — ^all originally intended, it is true, for fhe 
liead of the luckless adjutant, but as they now and then misMt, 
their aim, «nd came in contact with the *^ wrong man,'^ invsuriaUy 
provoked retaliation, and in a very few minutes the battle became- 
general 

What may have been the doctor's political sentiments on fliis . 
occasion, I cannot even guess : but hfe seemed bent upon perform- 
ing the part of a /< convivial Lord Stanley," and maintatnuig a 
dignified neutrality. With this apparent object, he mounted upon ^ 
the table, to raise himself, I suppose, above the din and commo- 
tion of party clamor, and brandishing a jug of scalding water, be- 

T 



^fB COKFJBSSIONS OF KARRT LOBaEQ0£a. 

•towed it with perfect impartiality on the combatants on either 
side. This Whig plan of conciliation, however valF mtehded, 
Jieemed not to prosper with either party; and many were the 
missiles directed at the ill-s^tred doctor. Meanwhile Father 
^JVIalachi, whether following the pacific instinct of his order, in seek- ' 
ing an asylum in troublesome times, or equally moved by an old 
habit to gather coin in low places, (much of the money having 
fallen,) was industriously endeavoring to insert himself beneath 
the table ; in this, with one vigorous push, he at last succeeded, 
but in so doing .lifted it from its legs, and thus destroying poor 
'* Fin's" gravity, precipitated him, jug and all, into the thickest of 
the fray, where he met with that kind reception such a benefactor 
ever receives at the hands^of a grateful public. I meanwhile bur- 
ried to rescue poor Curzon, who, having fallen to the ground, was 
getting a cast of his features taken in pewter, for such seemed the 
operation a*stout farmer was performing on the adjutant's face 
with a quart. With considerable difficulty, notwithstanding my 
supposed << lordship,'^ I succeeded in freeing him from his present 
position ; and he concluding, probably, that enough had been done 
for one ^^ sitting,^' most unwillingly permitted me to lead him from 
the room. I was soon joined by the doctor, who assisted me in 
getting my poor friend to bed ; which being done, he most eagerly 
entreated me to join the company. This, however, I firmly but 
mildly declined, very much to his surprise ; for as h© remarked — 
*^ They'll alL be like lambs now, for they dOiVt believe there's a 
whole bone in his body." 

Expressing my deep sense of the Christian-like forbearance of 
the party, I pleaded fatigue, and bidding him good night, ad- 
journed to my bed-room; and here, although the arrangements 
fell somewhat short of the li^xurious ones appertaining to my late 
apartment at Callonby, they were most grateful at the moment ; 
and having " addressed myself to slumber," fell fast asleep, and 
only awoke late on the following morning to wonder where I 
was : from any doubts as to which I was speedily relieved by the 
entrance of the priest's barefooted " colleen," to deposit on my 
stable a bottle of soda water, and annoimce bre^ikflst, with his 
jreverence's compliments. 

Having made a hasty toilet, I proceeded to the parlor, which, 
Jiowever Jate events might have impressed upon my memory, I 
could scarcely recognise. Instead of the long oak' table and the 
wassail bowl, there stood near the fire a small round table, covered 
with a snow-white cloth, upon which shone in unrivalled bright- 
ness a very handsome tea equipage — the hissing kettle on one hob 
was vis d vis^d bya gridiron with three newly taken trout, frying 
under the reverential care of Fathef Malachi himself— a heap of 
eggs ranged like shot in an prdinance yard, stood in the middle of 
,the table, while a formidable pile of buttered toast brpwned before 
the grate — the morning papers were airing upon the hearth — every 
thing bespoke that attention to comfort and enjoyment one likes to 



^ CONFESSIONS OF SA&ET LOBaSQVSa. 79 

/ 

' discover m the house where chan9e may have domesticated him 
for a day or two. 

" Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer. I trust you have rested well/' 
said Father Malachi, as I entered* 

<* Never better ; but where are our ftiends ?" 

'^ I have been visiting and comforting them in their affliction^ and 
I may with truth assert it is not often my fortune to have three as 
sickly looking guests. That was a most unlucky affair last night, 
and I must apologise." 

^ Don't say a word, I entreat ; I saw how it all occurred, and am 
quite sure if it had not been for poor Curzon's.ill timed melody — ^' 

*' You are quite right/' said the father interrupting me. « Your 
friend's taste for music — ^bad luck to it ! — ^was the ^teterrima cauia 
beiliJ " 

" And the subscription/' said I ; " how did it succeed ?" 

^0, the money went in the conomotion; and although I have 
got some seven pounds odd shillings of it, the war was a most ex- 
pensive one to me. I caught old Mahony very busy \mder the 
table during the fray ; but let us say no more about it now — draw 
orer your chair. Tea or coffee ! tfiere's the rum if you like it 

I immediately obeyed the injunction, and commenced a vigorous 
as^ult upon the trout, caught, as he informed me, << within twenty 
perches of the house." 

" Your poor friend's, nose is scarcely regimental,'* sad he, " this 
morning ; and as for Fin, he was never remarkable for beauty, so, 
though they might cut and hack, they could scarcely disfigure him, 
as Juvenal says — ^isn't it Juvenal ? 

' Vacuus viator cantabU ante Latronem :* 

or in the vernacular : 

1^ < The empty traveller may whistle 
' Before the robber and his purtU' (pistoL) 

There's the Chili vinegar — another morsel of the trout?" 
^^I thank you ; what excellent coffee. Father Malachi V^m 
" A secret I learned at St. Omer's some thirty years since. Any 
letters,' Bridget !"— to a damsel that entered .with a packet in her 
hand. . . 

" A ^ssoon from Kilrush, y 'r reverence, with a bit of note ^or the 
gentleman there." 

^< For me ! — ah, true enough. Harry Lorrequer, Esq., Kilrush — 
try Carrigaholt." So ran the superscription — ^the first part being 
in a lady's handwriting ; the latter very like the " rustic paling" of 
the worthy Mrs. Healy's style. The seal was a la^-ge one, bearing 
a coronet at top, and the motto in old Norman-French, told me it 
•came from Callonby. ^ 

With what a trembling hand and beating heart I broke it open, 
and yet feared to read it— so much of my destiny might be in that 
simple page. For once in my like my sanguine spirit failed me • 



do C0ir7£SSI0NS Olf HARET LORRl:Qt£&. 

my mhki could t^e in but one casuality, that Lady Jane hid' 
divulged to her fiimily the nuture of my attentions, tod that ih the 
tetter before me lay a cold mandate of dismissal from her presence 
for ever. 

At last I summoned courage to read it ; but having scrupled to 
pireseiit to my readers the Reverend Father Brennan at the tail q£ 
$L chapter, let me not be less punctilious in tihe introducdob of Mr 
kdyship^s billet 



^ CHAPTER VIL 

THE X.ADt''S tfiOPTEft — ^^BtER AUD fiXS AC^TTArWAl^ES— rOO tATE. 

Her ladyship^s letter ran thma :— 

<< Mt Dear Mr. Lorrx^uiui : — My lord has deputed me to con- 
vey to you our adieusy and at the same time to express our very 
neat regret that we should not have seen you before our de^wrture 
Jrom Ireland* A sudden call of the House, and some unexpected 
ministerial changes, require Lord Callonby's immediate presence 
m town ; and probably before this reaches you we sliall be on. the 
voad. llord lulkee, Wno left us yesterday,* was much distressed at 
not having seea you--4ie desired me to say you shall hear from hkn 
from lieamington. Although writing amid all the haste and bustle 
of departure, I must not forget the principal part of my conunission,. 
nor lady-like defet it to a postscript : my lord entreats that you will^ 
if possible, pass a month or two with us in L<»idoii this i^ason,;. 
and if any difficulty slK^uld occur in obtaining leave of absence, t<> 
make any use of his name you think fit at the Hdtse-Guards, where 
he has same influenca Knowings as I do^ with what kindness yvu 
ever accede to the wishes of your friends, I need not say how much 
gratification this will afford us aQ ^ but, sans response, we expect 
y0U. Believe mp.to renobain, yours very sincerely, 

" Charlotte Callonbv.'' 

<« P. Sw^^We are alt qv^ l^H, except Lady* Jane, who has a 
slight cold, and has been feverish for the last day or two/' 

Words ciinBdt cdfivey any idea of the torrent of contending emo- 
tions under which I perused this letter. The suddenness of the 
depSirlure, without an opportunity of even a mementos leave-taking, 
completely unmanned me. What would I not have given to he 
able to see her oncq morfe, even for an instant lo say ** a good 
ye" — ^to watch the feeling with which she parted from me, and 
augur from it either favorably to my heart's dearest hope, or darkest 
despair. As T continued to read on, the Kindly tone of "flie re- 
jnainder reassured me, and when I came to the invitation to Lon- 



ftoMy vrbkk pkinly atgued a wish <m their part to perpetuate die 
imiaMcy, I was eidiged lo redd'it again and again, before I cotdd 
convince myself of its reality. There it was, however, most dls- 
tiMliy and iogibty impressed in her ladyiship's fairest caUigfaphy ; 
and eettainiy gmat as was its consequence to me at the time, it oy 
no meaqs formed the principal part of the communication, llie 
t\pe liaes of postiM^t contained more, iar mcnre food for hopes and 
lsar« tfiflzi did all 'the rest of the epii!»le. 

Lady Jane was ill then, dightly howeter— a mere co>d; true, 
but she was fetreri^. t could not help asking myself what share 
1m) I in catising that iushed cheek and anxious eye, and picttured 
to myself, perhaps with more vividness than reality, a thousand 
little traits of manner, all proofe strong as holy writ to my sanguine 
iBind, that my affection was returned, and that I loved not in vain. 
Again and again I read over the entire letter ; never truly did a 
jnsi prius lawyer oon over a new act of parliament with more 
ssarehing ingenuily, to detect its hidden meaning, thgn did I to 
tmravel through its plain phraseology ^e secret intention of the 
writer toward^ me* 

There is an old and m)t less true adage, that what we wish we 
VBiKlaiy belieNre ; and so with tne^— I found myself an easy convert 
to my own hopes and desii^s, and actually ended by persuading 
mf self-^no very hard task — ^that my Lord Callonby had not only 
wiln«B8ed but approved of my attachment to his beautiful daugh- 
tttr^and for reasons probably known to him, but concealed from 
ni6/»oplned that I was a suitable ^ »<rrfiV' and gave all due encou- 
lagenu^nt to my suit. The hint anout using his lordship^s influ- 
«m» at the Horse Guards I resolved to benefit by ; not, however, in 
oblaii«i^ leave of absence, whidt I hoped to accomplish more 
iBtMj, \mt with his good sanction in pushing my promotion, when 
i olaimed him as my right honourable father-in4aw — a point, on 
dia pniprkty ^f whieb, I liad now fully satisfied myselt. What 
visions of rising greatness burst upon my mind, as I thought on 
the prospect that opened before me ; but here let me do myself the 
jQgAcB ki record, that amid aB n^ pleasure and extdtatiott, my 
proudest thoi%Iit, was in the attticipati<m of possessing one in 
every way so much my superior — ^the very consciousness of which 
imparted a dirdl of fear to my heeot, that such good fortune was 
te» much even lo hope for. 

How long I might have luxuriated in such Gbal6aux en 'B»gbgot 
beaiieD knows; diiek and thranging frncies came abundantly to 
«y nMAd, and it was with something of the feeling of the porter 
m Ae Arabitn Nights, as he surveyed the fragments of his broken 
ware, hurled down in a moment of glorious dreaminess, lliat I 
turned to look at Aie squat and unaristocratic figure of Fattier 
Malachi, as he sat reading his newspaper before the fire.^ How 
fflMBe I in audi company ; metlnnks the Dean of Windsor, or the 
Bishop of Durham had been a much more seemly associate for one 
dastiaed as I waa for the flood-tide of the world's favour. 

/ h 



88 COKfBSSSOKS OF HABAY tOS]tfia98a. 

My ^ye at this instant rested upon the date of the letter, wbidb 
was that of the preceding moniingy and imnjediately a thou|[ht 
struck me that, as the day was a louring and gloomy one, perhaps ' 
they might have deferred their journey, and I at once determined 
to hasten to Callonby, and, if possible, see them before their de- 
parture, i 

<^ Father Brennan,'' said I, at length, '^ \ have just received a 
letter which compels me to reach Solrush as soon as .possible. Is 
there any public conveyance in the village ?" 

*^ You don't talk of leaving us, surety," said the priest, ^and« 
haunch of mutton forxlinner, and Fin says he'll be down^ and your 
friend too, and we'll have poor Beamish in on* a sofa." 

<^ I am sorry to say my business will not admit of delay, but if 
possible, I sball return to thank you for all your kindness, in a day 
ox two — ^perhaps to-morrow." 

« 0, then," said Father Brennan, " if it must be so, vAsj you 
tcaa have ^ Pether,' my own pad, and a better you never laid leg 
over ; only give him his own time, and let him keep the < eant^/ 
and he'll never draw up from morning 'till night ; and now lil 
just go and have him in readiness for you." 

After professing my warm acknowledgments to th^ good father 
for his kindness, I hastened to take a hurried farewell of Curzon 
before going. I found hun sitting up in bed taking his breakfast ; 
a large strip of black plaster, extending from the corner of one eye 
across the nose, and terminating near the mouth, denoted the locale 
of a goodly wound, while the blue, purple and yellow patche&^into 
which his face was partitioned out, left you in doubt whether he 
BOW resembled the ^ave of clubs or a new map of the Ordnance 
survey ; one hand was wrapped up in a bandage, and altogether a 
more rueful and woe-begone looking figure I have rarely lot>ked 
upon ; and most certainly I am of opinion that the ^ glorious, pious 
and immortal memory" would have brough( pleasanter recollec- 
tions to Daniel O'Connell himself, than it would on that mdming 
to th^ adjutant of his majesty's 4-th. 

" Ah, Harry,"' said he, as I entered, " what Pandemonium is 
this we've got into ? did you ever witness such a business as last 
night's?" - 

"Why^ truly," said I, "I know of no one to blame but your- 
self; surely you must have known what a fracas your infernal 
5ong would bring on." 

" I don't know now whether I knew it or not ; but certainly at 
the moment I should have preferred any thing to the confounded 
cross-examination I was under, and was glad to end it by any coup 
-d^etat. One wretch was persecuting me about green crops, and 
. another about the feeding of bullocks ; about either of which I 
knew as much as a ly ar does of a ballet.'.' /^ 

" Well, truly, you caused a diversion at so«ie expense to your 

coimtenance, for I never beheld any thing -" 

*^ Stop there," said he, " you surely have not seen the d^ct*^ -he 



coirriiSsioKS of fiAEBr LOBBsatrxji. 8S 

beats me hollow — ^tbey have scarcely left so much hair on his head 
as would do for an Indian's scalp lock ; and, of a verity, his aspect 
is awful this morning ; he has just been here, and bye-the-bye has 
told me all about the affair with Beamish. ' It appears that some- 
where you met him at dinner, and gave a very nourishing account 
of a relative of his who you informed him was not only selected 
for some very dashing service, but actually the personal friend of 
Fictou ; and, after the family having blazed the matter all over 
Cork, and given a great entertainment ^i honor of their kinsman, 
it turns out that, on the glorious I8th he ran away to Brussels 
faster than even the French to Charleroi; for which act, however, 
there was no aspersion ever cast upon his courage, that quality 
being defended at the expense of his honesty ; in a word, he was 
the paymaster of his company, and had, what Theodore Hook calls 
an < a&ction of his chest,' that required change of air. Looking 
only to the running away part of the matter, I unluckily expressed 
4Bome regret that he did not belong to the North Cork, and I re- 
marked the doctor did not seem to relish the allusion, and as /only 
now remember^ it was his regiment, I suppose I'm in for more 
mischief. 

I bad no time to enjoy Curzon's dilemma, and had barely in- 
formed him of my intended departure, when a voice fxpin without 
the room proclaimed that <' Pether" was ready, and, having com- 
missioned the adjutant to say the '< proper" to Mr. Beamish and 
the doctor, hurried away, and after a hearty shake «of the hand 
from Father Brennan, and a faithful promise to return soon, I 
mounted and set off. 

Peter's pace was of all others the one least likely to disturb the 
lucubrations of a castle-builder like myself; without any admoni- 
tion from Whip or spur he ma^i^tained a steady and ^constant can- 
ter, which I am free to confess, was more agreeable to ^it, than it ^ 
was graceful to behold ; for his head being much lower than his 
•tail, he every moment appeared in the attitude of a diver about to 
plunge into th^ water, and more than once I had misgivings that I 
^would consult my safety better if I sat with my face to the tail ; 
however, what will, not habit accomplish ? before I had gone a mile 
-Of two, I was so lost in my own reveries and reflections that I knew 
nothing of my mode of progression, and had only thoughts and 
.ftelings for the destiny that awaited me ; sometimes I would fancy 
myself seated in the House of Conunons, (on the ministerial 
benches, of course,) while some leading oppositionist was pro- 
nouncing a Rowing panegyric iipon .the eloquent and statesman- 
like speech of the gallant colonel — myself; then I thought I was 
making arrangements for setting out for my new-appointment, and 
Sancho Panza never coveted the government of an island more 
than I did, though only a West Indian one ; and lastly, I saw my- 
self the chosen diplomate on a difficult mission, and was actually • 
engaged in the easy and agreeable occupation of out-manceuvring 
Talleyrand and Pozzo di Borgo, when Peter suddenly drew up at 



84 COt^PfiddXCNS Ot HARRT LORRBQUSR. 

the door of a small babin, and convinced me that I Was still a mor- 
tal man, and a. lieutenant in his majesty's 4-th. Before I had time 
afforded me even to guess at the reason of this sudden halt, an old 
man emerged from the cabin, which I saw now was a road-side 
ale-house, and presented Peter with a bucket of meal and water, 
a species of ^^ viaticum" that he evidently was accustomed to, at 
this place, whether bestrode by a priest or an ambassador. Before 
me lay a long straggling street of cabins, iitegularly thrown, as ff 
riddled over the ground ; this I was informed was Killree, white my" 
. good steed, therefore, was enjoying hit potation, I dismoimted, to 
stretch my legs and look about me, and scarcely had I done so when 
1 found haif the population of the village assembled round Peter, 
whose claims to notoriety, I now learned, depended neither upon his 
owner^s fame, nor even my temporary possession of him. Peter, 
in fact, had been a racer once — when, the wandering Jew mig^ 
perhaps have told had he ever visted Ckre, for not the oldest iik 
habitant knew the date of his triumphs on tfie turf; though they 
were tmdisputed traditions, and never did! any man appear hoU 
enough to call them in question ; whether it was from his patriar* 
chal character, or that he was the only race-horse ever known ift 
his county I cannot say, but of a truth, the Grand Lama could- 
scart5ely be a greater object of reverence in Thibet, than was F^efter 
in Kilkee. 
*« Musha, Peter, but it's well y'r looking,'* cried one. 
" Ah, thin, maybe ye an*t fet on the ribs," cried another. 
^* An' cockin' his tail Hke a coult," said a thiid. 
I am very certain, if I might venture to judge from (he ftees 
about, that, had the favorite for the St. Leger, passed throu^ Kil* 
kee at that moment, comparisons very little to his favor had l9een 
drawn from the assemblage around me. With some diScnlty I 
Wits permitted to reach my much admired steed, and with a cheer,, 
which was sustained and caught up by every denizen of the vfl- 
lage as I passed through, I rode on my way, not a Kttle amused set 
my equivocal pofularity. 

Being dpsirous to lose no time, I diverged from the straight read 
which leads to Kilrush, and took a cross bridle-path to CMorAj^ 
this I afterwards discovered liras a cktour of a mile or twe^ and it 
was already sun-set wb«n I reached the entrance to the panrk. I 
entered the avenue, and now my impatience became extreme, fi»r 
although Peter continued to move at the same unffi)rm pace, I ccaUt 
not persuade myself that he was not foundering at every i^ep, and 
was quite sure we were scarcely advancing ; at last I reached the 
W09den bridge, and ascended the steep slope, the spot where I had 
first met her, on whom my every thought now rested. I turned 
the angle of the clump of beech trees from whence tfie first view 
of the house is caught — I perceived to my inexpressible delight 
that gleams of light ishone from many of the windows, and could 
trace their passing from one to the other. I now drew rein, and 
with a heart relieved from a load of anxiety^ pulled up my good 



lt»ed| and began to thipk o£ the po^itioa in which a fev brief 
a^ooiHis would place xoa. I reached the small flower gardejo^aacred 
by a thousand endeariug recollections. 1 of how very little 
' account are the many words of passing kindness, and moments of 
%bt^arted pleasure, when spoken qr felt, comparl&d to the m^ 
moiy of them when hallowed by time or distance* ' 

<^ The place, the hour, the sunshine and the shade,'' ^11 reminded 
sae of the hapipy past, and all bxougbt vividly before me every 
poyption of that dream of happiness in which I was so utterly — so 
i completely steeped^-^every thought of the hopelessness of my pad* 
aioa was lost in the intensity of it, and I did.not^in^ the ardor of my 
l^^ing, stop to think of its possible success. 

It was strange enough that the extreme impatience, the hunried 
auxiety, I had felt and suffered from, while riding up the avenue^ 
Ittbd now fled entirely^ and in it^ place I felt nothing but a diflSdent 
dii^tmst of myself^ and a vague sense of awkwardness about intrud- 
ing thus unexpectedly upon the family, while engaged in all the 
4;jures and preparations for a speedy departure. The hall-door lay 
as u&ual wide open, the hall itself was strewn and littered with 
trunks, imperials, and packing-cases, and the hundred et ceteras of 
travailing baggage. I hesitated a moment whether I should not 
ring, but at last resolved to enter unannounced, and, presuming upon 
my intimacy, see what eflfect my sudden appearance would have 
otn Lady Jane, whose feelings towards me would be thus most un^ 
equivocally tested. I passed along the wide corridor, entered the 
music-room — it was still — I walked then to the door of the draw- 
ing-room — I paused — I drew a fall breath — my hand trembled 
slightly as I turned the lock — I entered-— the room was empty, but 
the biasing fire uppn the hearth, the large arm-chairs drawn around, 
ttie scattered books upon the small tables, all told that it had been 
inhabited a very short time before. Ah ! thought I, looking at my 
watch, they are at dinner, and I began^at once to devise a hundred 
different plans to account for my late absence and present visit. I 
knew that a few minutes would probably bring them into the 
drawing-room, and I felt flurried and heated as the time drew near. 
At last I heard voices without — I started from the examination of 
a pencil-drawing but partly finished, but the artist of which I could 
fiot be deceived in — I listened— the sounds drew near — I could not 
distinguish who were the speakers — ^the door4ock turned, and I 
nose to make my well-conned, but half-forgotten ^eech ; and oh» 
confounded disappointment, Mrs. Herbert, the hpuse-keeper, enter- 
.0d* She started, not expecting to see me, and immediately said, 
*^ <*0 1 Mr. Lorrequer ! then you've missed them.^' 

" Miased thesn V^ said I ; " how — when — where ?" , 

« Did you not get a note from my lord ?'' 

" No ; when was it written ?'* 

« 0, 4ear me, that is so very unfortimate. Why, sir, my lord 
fi&t qS a servant 'this morning to Kilrush, in Lord Ikilkee's tUbury, 
Co request you would meet them all in Ennis this evening? where 
8 



86 eovvmssiovs ov habrt LOBBxqtnsB. 

they had intended to stop for to-night ; and they waited here^ tiB 
near four o'clock to-day, but when the servant came back witti Urn 
intelligence that you were from home, and not ezpe^^ted to return 
soon, they were obliged to set out, and are not going to make any 
delay now, till they reach London. The last direction, however, 
my lord gave, was to forward my ladyship's letter as soon as 
possible." 

What I thought, said, or felt, might be a good subject of confes- 
sion to Father Malachi, for I fear it may be recorded among my 
sins, as I doubt not that the agony I siiffered vented itself in no • 
measured form of speech or conduct ; but I have nothing to con- 
fess here on the subject, being so totally overwhelmed as not to 
Imow what I did or said. My first gleam of reason elicited itself 
by askingv 

^ Is there, then, no chance of their stopping in Ennis toHtiight ?" 
As I put the question my mind reverted to Peter and his eternal 
canter. 

<<0, dear, no. sir; the horses are ordered to take them, once 
Tuesday ; and they only thought of staying in Ennis, if you camo 
time enough to meet them — and they will be so sorry." 

i< Do you think so, Mrs. Herbert ? do you indeed think so ?" said 
I, in a most insinuating tone. 

" I am perfectly sure of it, sir." 

** 0, Mrs. Herbert, you are too kind to think so ; but perhaps— 
that is — ^may be, Mrs. Herbert, she said something ^" 

"Who, sir?" 

" Lady Callonby, I meanj did her ladyship leave any message 
for me about her plants ? or did she remember " 

Mrs. Herbert kept looking at me all the time, with her great 
wide grey eyes, while I kept stammering and blushing like a 
schQol-boy. ' 

« No, sir ; her ladyship said nothing, sii^; but Lady Jane " 

• " Yes ;■ well, what of Lady Jane, my dear Mrs. Herbert ?" 

" 0, sir ! but you look pale ; would not you like to have a little 
wine and water— or perhaps " 

" No, thank you, nothing whatever ; I am just a little fatigued — 
but you were mentioning " 

" Yes, sir ; I was saying that Lady Jane was mighty particular 
about a small plant ; she ordered it to be left in her dressing-room ; 
though Collins told her to have some of the handsome ones of the 
green house she would have nothing but this, and if you were 
only to hear half the directions she gave about keeping it watered^ 
and taking off dead ledVes, you'd think her heart was set on it." 

Mrs. Herbert would have had no cause to prescribe for my pale- 
ness had she only looked at me this time ; fortunately, however, 
she was engaged, house keeper like, in bustling among books, 
papers, &c., which she had come in for the purpose of arranging and 
packing up. She being left behind to bring up the rear, and the 
heavy baggage. 



CONFESSIONS Of BARRT LORREaVES. 

Very few moments' consideration were sufficient to show ma 
tfiat pursuit was hopeless ; whatever might have be^i Peter's per- 
f<»rmance in the reign of ^ Queen Anne/' he had now become like 
the goose so pathetically described by my friend Lower, rather 
« stiff in his limbs/' and the odds were fearfully against his over- 
taking four horses, starting fresh every ten miles, not to mention 
their being some hours in advance already. . Having declined all 
Mrs. Herbert's many kind offers, anent food and rest^ I took ^ last 
lingering look at the beautiful picture, which still held its place in 
the room lately mine, and hurried from a place so full of recollec- 
tions ; and notwithstanding the many reasons I had for self-gratu- 
lation, every object around and about, filled me with sorrow and 
regret' for hours that had passed — ^never, never to return. 

It was very late when I reached my old quarters at Eilrush^: 
Mrs. Healy fortunately was in bed asleep — ^fortunately I say ; for 
had she selected that occasion to vent her indignation for my long 
absence, I greatly fear that, in my then temper I should have ex- 
hibited but little of that Job-like endurance for which I was once 
esteemed ; I entered my little mean-looking parlomr, with its three 
chairs and lame table, e^id, as I flung myself upon the wretch^ 
substitute for a sofa, and thought upon the varied events whidi a 
few weeks had brought about, it required the aid of her ladyship'^ 
letter, which I opened before me, to assure me I was not dream- 
ing- V 
^ The entire of that night I could not sleep ; my destiny seemed 

upon its balance ; and whether the scale inclined to this side or 
that, good or evil fortune seemed to betide me. How many were 
my plans and resolutions, and how often abandoned ; again to be 
pondered over, and once more given up. The gray dawn of the 
morning was already breaking, and found me still doubting and 
micertain. At last the die ^was thrown ; I determined at once to 
apply for leave to m3r commanding officer^ (which he could, if he 
pleased, give me, without any application to the Horse Guards^) 
set out for Elton, tell Sir Guy my whole adventure, and endeavor, 
by a more moving love story than ever graced even the Minerva 
Press, to induce him^to make some settlement on me, and use his 
influence with Lord Callonby in my behalf; this done, set out for 
London, and then — ^and then — ^what then ?-rthen for the Morning 
JPost — ^^ Cadeau de ndces^' — ^^ happy couple"-!-" Lord Callonby'js 
seat in Hampshire," &c. &c. 

" You wished to be called at five, sir," said Stubber. 

" Yes ; is it five o'clock ?" ^ 

" No, sir ; but I heard you call out sometning about ' four horses,' 
and I thougljt you might be hurried, so I came in a little earlier ' 

" Quite right, Stqbber ; let me have my breakfast as soon as pos 
' sible, and see that chestnut horse I brought here last night, fed." 

** And now for it," said T, after writing a hurried note to Curzon, 
requesting him to take command of my party at'- Kilrush, till he 
heard from me, and sending my kindest remembrance to my three 



88 C0W98$S10¥S Of 9ABIiT i.91«9tVn. 

fiiandfl; I despatcbod the epistle by my servant on Patcr^ whfle I 
batfenM to secure a place in the xoail for Eqxus, on the box seel 
ot which let my kind reader suppose me seated, as wmpping my 
boxHCoat around me, I lit my cigar and turned my eyes tovardi 
limerick/' 



CHAPTER VIIL 

eowanATVLATiom — sick leate— how to fAss tee board. 

I SAB scarcely seated myself at breakfast at Swinebume'^ hotel 
m Limerick, when the waiter presented, me with a letter. As my 
irsi glance at the address showed it to be in Colonel Garden's 
inndwriting, I felt not a little alarmed for the consequences of the 
mh step I bad taken in leaving my detachment ; and, while quickly 
thronging fancies of arrest and court-martial flitted before me, I 
trammoned resolution at last to break the seal, and read as fol- 
lows: — 

" My dear Lorrequer," ("dear liorrequer !" dear me, thought I ; 
cool certainly, from one I have ever regarded as an open enemy)— i- 
^^ My dear Lorrequer, I have just accidentally heard of your arrival 
here, and hasten to inform you, that, as it may not be impossible 
your reasons for so abruptly leaving your detachment are known 
to me, I shall not visit your breach of discipline very heavily. Mf 
old and worthy friend. Lord Callonby, who passed through heie 
yesterday, has so warmly interested himself in your behalf, thai I 
|e^ disposed to do all in my power to serve you ; independently o£ 
my desire to do so on your own acc!l>unt. Come over here then, 
as soon as possible^ and let us talk over your plans together. 

^' Believe me most truly yours, 

" Bsnracks, 10 o'clock. << HlBITRY Caepkn." 

However mysterious and difficult to unravel, have been some of 
the circumstances narrated in these " Confessions," I do not scruple 
to avow that the preceding letter was to me by far the most inex- 
plicable piece of forfune I had hitherto met with. That Lord 
Callonby should have converted one whom I believed an ^mpl&ca- 
ble foe, into a most .obliging friend, was intelligible enough, seeing 
that his lordship had thibugh life been the patron of the colonel ; 
but why he bad so done, and what communications be could pos- 
sibly have made with regard to me, that Colonel Carden should 
speak of " my plans" and proffer assistance in them, was a perfect 
riddle ; and the only solution, one so ridiculously flattering that I 
dared not think of it I read and re-read the note ; misplaced the 
Slops - canvassed every expression ; did.all to detect a meaning dif- 



Mim^'tQSA ike^hviom bx^ feaifijd pf a js^lf-doceptipa where £^ 
much .was at stake. Yet th^re it6|ood fpxt|iy a plaia $traight£H>r 
waarfi proffer of services, for gome object evidently ki\own to th# 
iwiter ; aod my only opuclusioa, froai all, was this, thftt " my h(^^ 
Gallonby was the gem of bis order, ajiid bad a sfif^t r0)»ark4>jl^ 
^dent {or selecting a sou-in-law." 

I fell into a deep reverie upon my past life, a^d the prospects 
which I now Halt were 9peQing before me. JSfothing seemed extxa^ 
vagant to hopes so well founded-^to expectations so briUiaptr^ 
»nd, in my mind^s ^eye, I beheld my^l/ at one moment leadir^g 
my young and beautiful bride -through the (^.owded salons pf 
JJevonshue House; and, at the neyt I was cpi^jteijapjatipg th^ 
esBoell^ice and perfection of m^ stud axrangeiuents at Melton, (oj:, ' 
I resolved not to give up hunting. While in this pleasyrabl^ 
eacercise of my faticy^ I was removiipg from before me so|»e of the 
kiwakfSsist ec(\upag6, or, as I then believed it, break^ig the treeis iatP 
better groups upon my lawn, I was once more brought tp tb^ 
pf^orld and its dull reality, by the following passage which my eye 
fell upon in the newspapeer before iiiei— " We understand that th^ 
4«^ are daily expecting the route for Cork, from wbe^e they are 
to 'Sail, early in the ensuing monthfor JJalifa3E,,to relieve tbf 88tbu'? 
While it did not take a mementos consideration to show me that 
tbough the regiment there mentioned was the one I belonged to, I 
bmid have^ na possible interest in the aqnouncement ; it ney^ 
coming into my caloulatiofi that / should ^^brnit to such- exp§r 
triation ; yet it gave me a salutary warning that there was na 
time to be lost in making my application jfor leave, which, opce 
obtained, I shoidd have ample time, to maaxage^an exchange int^o 
another corps. The wonderful revolution a few. days had effected 
in all my tastes and desires, did not escape me at this moment 
But a week or two before and I shoAld have regarded an order for 
Ibreign service , as any thing rather than unpleasant — now the 
thought was insupportable. Then th^re would haVe been son^ 
4duyrm to me in the very novelty of the locale^ and the indulgence 
of that vacant spirit I have ever possessed ; for, like Justice Wooi 
eock, " I' certainly should have befsn ^ vagabond if Providence had ^ 
mot made me a iustiee of the peace" — now, I could hot eveii con«- * 
template the thmg as possible ; and would have actually refused 
the command of a regiment, if the condition, qf its aoceptawe were 
to sail for the colonies. 

Besides, I tried— and how ingenious is self-deception— I tried to 
find arguments in support of my determination totally different 
fiom the reasons which governed me. I affected to fear climatq, 
and to dread the effect of the tropics upon my health. It may do 
•▼ery well, thought I, for men totally destitute of better prospects ; 
writh neither talent, influence or powerful c(«inecti(m, to roast their 
dieeks at Sierra Leone, or suck a sugar cane at St Lucia. But 
itoat you, Harry Lorrequer, should 'W'aste your sweetness upon 
pkmter?8 daughte»sh-*tfaat Imve only to be known, to hav^ tihe 
' 8* , ' M 



iO conrasnoys ov hakst LoftAx^vsmi 

vorld at your feet ! The thing is abannd, and not to be thon^t 
of! Tes, said I, half aloud — ^we read in the army list, that Major 
A. is appointed to the 50thy and Captain B. to the 12th ; but how 
much more near the truth would it be to say^— ^ That His Majesty, 
in consideration of the distinguished services of the one, has been 

graciously pleased to appoint him to a^ case of blue and col- 

mpsed cholera, in India ; and also for the bravery and gallant con<- 
duct of the other, in his late affair with the < How-no w-daixas 

Inpians/ has promoted him to the ^yellow fever now devastate 

mg and desolating Jamaica." How far my zeal for the service 
might have carried me on diis point, I know not, for I was ^^eedily 
arousod from my musings by the loud tramp of feet upon the staiis, 
and the sound of many well-known voices of my brother officers, 
who were coming to visit me. 

^ So, Harry, my boy," said the fat major as he entered, " is it 
true we are not to have the pleasure of your company to Jamaica 
this time ?" 

<' He prefers a pale face, it se^ms, to a black one ; and certainly, 
with thirty thousand in the same scale, the taste ]» excusable." 

« But, Lorrequer," said a third, " we heard that you had can- 
vassed the county on the Callonby interest. Why, man, where do 
you intend to pull up ?" 

^ As for me,*' lisped a large-eyed, white-haired ensign of three 
months' standing, ^< I think it devUish hard, old Garden didn't send 
me down there too, for I hear there are two girls in the faonily. 
Eh, Lorrequer ?" ' 

Having, with all that peculiar bashfulness such occasions are 
sure to elicit, disclaimed the happiness my friends so clearly ascribed 
to me, I yet pretty plainly let 'it be understood, that the more bril- 
liant they supposed my present prospects to be, the more near were 
they to estimate them justly. One thing certainly gratified me 
throughout All seemed rejoiced at my good fortune, and evea 
the old Scotch paymaster made no more caustic remark than that 
he *^ wad na wonder if the chiel's black whiskers wad get him 
made governor of Stirling Castle before he'd dee." 

Should any of my most patient listeiiers to these my humble 
confessions, wonder either here, or elsewhere, upon what very 
slight foundations I built these my ^^ Chateaux en Esp&gne," I have 
onjy one answer — ^^ that from my boyhood I have had a taste for 
florid architecture, and would rather put up with any inconveni* 
ence of ground, than not build at all." 

As it was growing late, I hurriedly bade adieu to my friends, and 
hastened to Colonel Garden's quarters, where 1 found him waiting 
for me, in company with my old friend, Fitzgerald, our regimental 
surgeon. Our &*st greeting over, th% Colonel drew me aside into 
a window, and said that, from certain expressions Lord Callonby 
had made use of— certain hints he had dropped — ^he was perfectly 
aware of the delicate position in which I stood with respect to his 
lordship's family. " In fact, my dear Lorrequer," he continuod. 



say 



COKI-ESSIOKS or HABRT LOBll£<lU£S:. » 

/* without wishing in the least to obtrude myself upon your confi- 
dence, I must yet be permitted to say, you are the luckiest fellow 
in Europe, and I most sincerely congratulate you on dae prospect 
before you." 

« But, my dear Colonel, I assure you /* 

'' Well, well, there— not a word more ; dcm't blush now. I know 
there is always a kind of secresy thought necessary on these occa^ 
sions, for the sake of other parties ; so let us pass to your plana. 
From what I have collected, you have not yet proposed formally* 
But, of course, you desire a leave. You'll not quit the army, I 
trust; no necessity for that; such influence as yours can always^ 
appoint you to an unattached commission." 

^ Once more let me protest, sir, that though for certain reasons 
most desirous to obtain a leave of absence, I have not the most 

remote " 

That's right, quite right ; I am sincerely gratified to hear you 
so, and so will be Lord Callonby ; for he likes the service.^' 

And thus was my last efibrt at a disclaimer cut short by Ar 
loquacious little colonel, who regarded my unfinished sentence a» 
a concurrence with his own opinion. ? 

*< Allah il Allah," thought I, "it is my Lord Callonby's own 
plot; and his friend Colonel Garden aids and abets him." 

« Now, liorrecjuer," resumed the colonel, " let us proceed. Yon 
have, of course, heard that we are ordered abroad, mere neW»*- 
paper report for the present; nevertheless, it is extremely difficult— -» 
almost impossible, without a sick certificate, to obtain a'^leave suf^ 
ficiently long for your purpose." 

And here he smirked, and I blushed, «a/on ks regies. 

^ A sick certificate," said I in some surprise. 

"The only thing for you," said\ Fitzgerald, taking a long pincb 
of snuff; "and I grieve to say you have a most villanous look of 
good health about you." 

" I must acknowledge I have seldom felt better." 

" So much the worse — so much the worse," said Fitzgerald, de»-- 

Eondingly. " Is there no family complaint ; no respectable heir^ 
torn of infirmity, you can lay claim to from your kindred ?" 

"None, that I know of, umess a very active performance on the 
several occasions of breakfast, dinner and supper, with a tendency 
towards port, and an inclination to sleep ten in every twenty-fora 
hours, be a sign of sickness} these symptoms I have known many 
of the family suffer for years, without the slightest alleviatimv 
though, strange as it may appear, they occasionally had medicaL 
advice." 

Fitz. took no notice of my sneer at the faculty,^ but proceeded X^ 
strike my chest several times, with Ms finger tips. ^ Try a short 
cough now," said he. " Ah that will never do !" 

" Do you ever flush ? Before dinner I mean." 

" Occasionally, when I meet with a luncheon." 

** Pm fiurly puzzled,"xSaid poor Fitz. throwing himself jnta % 



BV"' C0NFE9ISI0KB Of HJLRRT LO&RB41IWB; 

iimtj ^^ gout is a very good tfatng ; but, then, you see you are otkiy 
a sub., and it is clearly agisunst the anide6 of war, to have it before 
bi^ng a field off oer at least. Apoplexy is the best I can do fei 
you; and, to sa/ the truth, any one who witnesses yotrr perform 
ance at mess, may put faith iu the likelihood of if 

« Do you tirink yon could get up a fit for the medical boatd ?" 
said Fitz., giayely. 

« Why, if absohuely indispensable/^ said I, ^ and with good in- 
stiuction— soiaaethiug this way. Eh, is it not?" 
' " Noting of the kind : you are quite wrong." 
* <^ Is there not always a Uttle laughing and crying ?" said I. 

" 0, no, no ; take the cue from the paymaster any evening after 
xfiess, and y>ou'll make no mistake — ^very &ond about the daeeks ; 
rAtber a lazy look in one eye, the other closed up eutiuely ; snore a 
little from time to time, and dp'nt be too much disposed to talk." 

"And you think I may pass muster in thiis way ?" 

" Indeed you may, if old Camie, the inspector, hs^pen to be 
(what he is not often) in a good humour. But I ccwafess I'd rather 
vou were really ill, for we've passed a great number of counter- 
feits latterly, and we may all be pulled up ere long; 

•«Not the less grateful for your kindness," said I, *'but still, I'd 
rather matters stood as they do." 

■ Having, at length, obtained a very formidable statement uf my 
<<^case" from the doctor, tind a strong letter from the colonel, de- 
ploring the temporary loss of so promising a young officer, I com* 
nutted myself and my portnianteau to the inside of his Majesty's 
mail, and started for Dublin with as light a heart and high spirits, 
as were consistent with so much delicacy of health, and the direc- 
tions of my doctor. 



CHAPTER IX. 

THE ROAD— TRAVELLING ACQUAINTANCES — A PACKET ADVENTURE, * 

I SHALL not stop now to narrate the particulars of my visit to the 
worthies of the medical board ; the rather, as Bome of my ** eon- 
f^ions to come" have reference to Dublin, and many o{ those 
that dwell f herein. I shall therefore content m3?self.here with 
stating, that without any difficulty I obtained a six months', leave, 
and having received much advice and more sympathy from many 
x&cmbcrstof that body, took a respectful leave of them, and ad- 
jdumed td" Bilton's where I had ordered dinner, and (as I was ad- 
vised to live low) a bottle of Sneyd's claret. My hours in Dublin 
were numbered ; at eight o'clock on the evening of my arrival I 
nastened to the Pidgeon House pier, to take my berth in the 
p«ick0t for Liverpool : and here gentle reader, let me implore you. 



MKXSSHWS OP Bui&ar JM)BBSI|IIJBB. fl$^ 

ff ycm banre bowels of eooq^assion^ to conmuseraie the coaditioii 
flf a sosry nrartal like myself* In the days of which I now speak, 
ii<Miin packets wet% joot— mea knew not then^ of th^ pleasure 0/ 
foifig to a oomfortable bed in.£mg8ton harbor, and waking oa 
the morning after in the Clarence docH at Liverpool, with onljf 
the additicNB^of a little sharper appetite for breakfast, before the; 
ae( out on an exeursion of forty miles pei hour through the air. 

In the lime I have now to conmiemorate, the intercourse be^ 
Iween the two countries was maintained by ttuo sailing vessels 
of SBiall teoage,. and still scantier acconuno4ations. Of the one 

. BOW ki question, I well recollect the name — ^she was called the 
^Alxrt,'"' and certainly u more unfortunate misnomer could 
aearcedy be conceived. Well, there was no choice, so I took my 

. place upon the crowded deck of the little craft, and in a drizzling 
shdwex of diilly rain, and amid more noise, oonfusion and bustle, 
that would prelude the launch of a line-of-battle ship, we << sidled,'^ 
goose-fashion, from the shore, and began our voyage towards 
England. 

U is not my intention, in the present state of " my Confessions/^ 
to delay on the road towards an. event whieh influenced so power- 
£illy, and so permanently, my after life ; yet I cannot refrain from 
cbvoiricUfig a slight incident which occurred on board the packet 
and. which, I have no doubt, may be remembered by some of 
those who throw their eyes on these pages. 

One' of my feUow^passengers was a gentleman holding a high 
official appoinJtment in the viceregal court, either comptroller of 
the household, master of the horse, 01 something else .equally mag- 
nificent; however, whatever the nature of the situation, one thing 
i$ Ge£taii>---one possessed of , more courtly n:ianners, and more po^ 
Ushed address, cannot be conceived, to which he added all the 
altraeitiiHifl of a very handsome person and a most preposses!3ing 
countenance. The only thi^g the most scrupulous- critic could 
possibly detect as faulty in his whole air and bearing, was a 
certain ultra refinement and fastidiousness, which in a man. of 
acknowledged family and connections was somewhat unaccount- 
able and certainly unnecessary. The fastidiousi^ss I speak of, 
extendfed t^ every thing round and about him ; he never eat of the 
wrong dish, nor spoke to the wrong man in his life, and that veiy 
consciousness gave him a kind of horror of chance acquaintanceis^ 
which made him shrink within himself from persons in every re* 
spect his equals. Those who knew Sir Steward Moore, will know 
I do not exaggerate in either my praise or censure, and to those 
who have not had that pleasure, I have only to say, theirs was the 
loss, and they must take my word for the facts. 

, The very antithesis to the person just mentioned, was another 
passenger then on board. She, for even in sex they were diperent 
-Hshe was a short, squat, red-faced, vulgar-looking woman, of 
dt>out fifty, possessed of a most garrulous tendency, and talking 
ifidiaeriminately with ev^ one about her, careless what reception 



94 coNFsmoKs of HAanr lorbs410Ss. 

her addresses met with, and quite iodifllMrent to the many rebuA 
she momentarily encountered. To me, by what impulse driyeai 
Heaven knows, this amorphous piece of womanhood seemed deter* 
nuned to attach herself. Whether in the smoky and most impe>- 
netrable recesses of the cabin, or "iraving the eold and penetrating 
rain upon deck, it mattered not, she was ever at my «de, and not 
only martyring me by tke insufferable annoyance of her vulgar 
loquacity, but actually, from the appearance of acquaintanceship, 
such constant association gave rise to, frightening any one else 
from conversing with me, and rendering me, ere many hours, a 
perfect Paria among the passengers. By no one were we-^finr, 
alas, we had become Siamese — so thoroughly dreaded as by the 
refined baronet I have mentioned ; he appeared to shrink from our 
very approach, and avoided us as though we had the plagues of . 
X^ypt about us. I saw this — I feit it deeply, and as deeply and 
resolutely I vowed to be revenged, and the time was not long 
distant in affording me the opportunity. 

, The interesting Mrs. Mulrooney, for such was my &ir com- 
panion called, was on the present dccasion making her debut on 
what she was pleased to call the '^ says ;'' she was proceeding 
to the Liverpool market as proprietor and supercargo over some 
legion of swine that occupied the hold of the vessel, and whose 
mellifluous tones were occasionally heard in all parts of t^e ship. 
Having informed me on these, together with some circumstances 
4>f her birth and parentage, she proceeded to narrate some of the 
cautions given by her friends as to her safety when making sueh 
a long voyage, and also to detail some of the antiseptics to that 
^eadful scourge, seasickness, in the fear and terror of which she 
liad come on board, and seemed every hour to be increasing in 
alarm about. 

<^ Do you think, then, sir, that pork is no good agin the sickness ? 
Mickey, that's my husband, sir, says it's the only thing in life for it, 
av it's toasted.'* 

** Not the least use, I assure you." 

** Nor sperits and wather ?" 

'^ Worse and worse, ma'am." 

/< thin, may be oaten mail tay would do ? it's a beautiful thii^ 
for the stomick, any how." 

/ *^ Rank poison on the present occasion, believe me." 
. " 0, then, blessed Mary, what am I to do — ^what is to become 
otme?" 

« Go down at once to your berth, ma'am ; lie still and without 
speaking till we come in sight of land; or," and here a bright 
thought seized me, " if you really feel very ill, call for that toan 
there, with the fur collar on his coat ^ he can giv^ you the only 
.'thing I ever knew of any efficacy; he's the steward, ma'am. Stew 
ract Moore ; but you must be on your guard too as you are a stran- 
ger, for he is a conceited fellow, and has saved a tr^e, and set3 up 
for a Aa(/* gentleman ; so don't be surprised at bis manner ^ thougb^ 



coirnssioNs of hakbt LomKa^rat. if 

after all you may find him rery different ; some people, IVe beaid^ 
llmik him extiemdy ciyiXJ^ 

" And he has a cure, ye say ?'* 

^ The only one I ever heard of ; it is a little cordial of ivbich 
you take, I don^ know how much, every ten or fifteen minutes.'* 

<^ And the naygur doesn^ let the saycret out, bad manners ta 
liim?'' 

<' No, ma'am ; he has refused every offer on the subject/' 

<< May I be so bowld as to ax his name again ?" 

" Stewart Moore, ma'am. Moore is the name, but people al • 
ways call him Stewart Moore ; just say that in a loud dear voicet 
and you'll soon have him." 

With the most profuse protestations of gratitude and promises of 
pork ^d discretion/^ if I ever sojourned at Ballinasloe, my fair 
tiiend proceeded to follow my advice, and descended to the cabin. 

Some hours after, I also betooK myself to my rest, from which, 
however, towards midnight, I was awaked by the heavy working 
and pitching of the little vessel, as she laboured in a rough sea. As 
Hooked forth from my narrow crib, a more woe-begone picture 
can scarcely be imagined than that before me. Here and there 
Arough the gloomy cabin lay the victims of the fell malady, in 
every stage of suffering, and in every attitude of misery. Thar 
dries and lamentings mingled with the creaking of the bulk-heads 
and the jarring twang of the dirty lamp, whose irregular swing 
told plainly how oscillatory was our present motion. 1 turned 
fiom the unpleasant sight, and was about again to address myself 
lo slumber with what success I might, when I started at the sound 
of a voice in the very berth next to me — ^whose tones, once heard, 
there was no forgetting. The words ran as nearly as I can recoU 
leetthus: — 

^ 0, then bad luck to ye for pigs, that ever broi^ht me into the 
like of this. O, Lord, there it is again." And here a slight in- 
terruption to eloquence took place, durii^ which I was enabled to 
reflect upon tha author of the complaint, who, I need not say, was 
Mrs. Muh-ooney. 

*' I Oivok a little tay would settle my stomach, if I only could get 
it ; but what's the use of talking in this horrid place ? They never 
mind me no more than if I was a pig. Steward, steward-*oh, 
then, it's wishing you well I am for a steward. Steward, J say ;'' 
^and this she really did say, with an energy of voice and manner 
that startled more than one sleeper. <^ 0, you're coming at last, 
irteward." 

<< Ma'am," said a little dapper and dirty personage, in a blue 
jacket with a greasy napkin negligently thrown over one arm ^^ ear 
cffidoP " Ma'am, did you call ?" 

^ Gall, is it call ? No ; but I am roaring for you this half hour. 
Come here. Have you any of the cordial dbrops agin the sick- 
ness ? — ^you know what I mean.** 

^<Jflttbr?\ndy, ma'am?" ^\ 



<96 eofMrt»iMs x^t ,tf amy £Mii«^tfn. 

-'" « No, il! mit bHandy.*' 

<< We have got gin, ma'am,. and bottled potter— elder, ifia'dlii> If 
you like/' 
' ^ Agh, no ! sufe I w^nt the dhropft agin the feidtnees.'' 

** Don't Imow indefed, ma'am.'^ 
• « Ah, you* sttipid creature ; maybe you're hot the real ate'^iraird. 
What's your name ?" 

<* Smith, ntia'am." 

" Ah, I thought 30 ; go away, ftiAn, go away " 

Tins injunction, given in a diminuendo cadenee was qtfickly 
obeyed, atid all Wa4 silence for* a moment or two. Once more w^fe 
I dropping asleep, when the same voice as before burst out witfe— • 

^ Am I to die here like d haythen, and nobody to come near me ? 
Stewai^d, steward, steward Moore, I say." 

" Who calls me P* said a deep sonorous voice from ^he opposite 
sfide of the cabin, while at the same instant a tall green silk nigh't- 
eap, surmounting a very aristocratic-looking forehead, appeare* 
Ifetw.een the curtains of the opposite berth. 

" Steward Moore," said the tedy again, with her, eyes straining 
irl the direction pf the door by which she expected him to enter. 

"This is most strange," muttered the baronet, half alottd. 
^ Why, madam, you are calling mt .'" 

"And if I am," said Mrs. Mulroonfey, "and if ye heerd m^y 
taive ye no manners to answer your namd> eh ! Are ye steW^M 
Moore ?" 

« Upon my soul, ma'am, I thought so last night, when I eaMe 
idn board; but you really haVe contrived to make me doubt mf 
&9fn identity." 

^ And ii it there ye're lying on the broad of yer back, And tli^ 
as sick as a dog foment ye ?" 

" 1 concede, ma'^am, the fslct ; the position is a most iofksoHie one 
on every account." ' 

" Then why doti't ye come over -to me ?" and this Mrs. M«l- 
tooney said With a voice of Something like tenderuess-*-wishlng ftt 
all hazards to conciliate so important a functionary. 

" Why, really you are the inost incomprehensible person I ever 
met." 

" I'm what ?" said Mrs. Mulrooney, her blood rushing to her fdCfe 
and temples as she spoke — for th^ same reason as her fair toWW*. 
woman is reported to have borne with stoical fortitude every haml} 
epithet of the language, until it occurred to her opponent to tell hisr 
that " the divil a bit better she was nor a pronoun ;" so Mrs. Mttl- 
jfooney, taking " omne ignotum pro horribili/* becartie* perfectly 
beside hers^f at the unlucky phrase.^ " I'm what ? repate it av^ 
ye dare, and I'll tear yer eyes out ! Ye'dirty bla — ^guard, to be lyii^ 
there at yer ease under the blankets, grinning at nie. What's your 
thrade — answer me that — av it isn't to wait on the ladies, eh ?" 

" 0, the woman must be mad," sfaid Sir Stewart. 

^ The devil a tagte mad, my dear— I'm onlyjsicfc Now just 



€OM<««IOV» OV MAMMY UHUS««Bm. "Vt 

«osieo¥ertoBU^}jkdadfe6BtcMal:^ie>flaid give ime the diiiaf«f 
opmlbrt ye ha¥e* Come avick.'' 

" Go 'ovef to you ?'' . 

<^ Ay, and why Aot 2 or if it's so lazy ye aie^ why dwn I^il tiurjr 
and <»os$ ovet to j^ur side.'' 

<^bese words being aoeompamdd by a ccvtain indioaitioii of 
change of lesidenee on the part of Mis. Mubooney^ Six Stewart 
perceived these was so time to lose, and i^pmigiDg &om his berth, 
he rushed half-dressed through the cabin^ and up the otmipaukxa- 
ladder, just as Mrs. Mulrooney had protruded a pair of «Q(nrmous 
legs from her couch, and bung, for a moment pendulous be&re die 
dropped upon the floor, and foUowisd him to the deck. . A tremca- 
dous about of laughter from the sailors and the de6k passengers 
prevented my hearing the dialogue which ensued; nor do I yet 
know how Mr& Mulrooney learned her mistake. Certain it is, she 
no more appeared among th% passengers in the cabin, and Sir 
Stewart's manner the following mommg at bveakfast amply satis- 
• fied me that I had had my revenge. 



CHAPTER X. 

UPStlT — MIND— AND BODT. 



No sooner in Liverpool, than I hastened to take my place in the 
earliest conveyance foi London. At that time the Umpire Coach 
was the perfection of fast travelling ; and seated behind the box, 
enveloped in a sufficiency of broadcloth> I turned my fece towaids 
town with as much anxiety and as ardent expectations as. most ef 
those about me. All went on in the regular monotonous routine 
of such matters until we reached Northampton, passing down the 
steep street of which town, the near wheel-horse stunibled and fell ; 
the coach after a tremendous roll to one side, toppled over on the 
Other, and with a tremendous crash, and sudden shock, sent all the 
outsides, myself among the number, flying through the air like 
sea-gulls. As for me, after describing a very respectable parabola, 
my angle of iucidence landed me in a bonnet-maker's shop,having 
passed through a large plate-glass window, and destroyed more 
leghorns and dunstables than a year's pay would recompense. I 
have bu( light recollection of the details of that occasion, until I 
found myself lying in a very spacious bed at the George Inn, havix^ 
been bled in bom arms, and discovering by the multitude of 
bandages in which I was enveloped, that at least some of my bones 
were broken by the fall. That such fate bad befallen my collar* 
bone and three of my ribs I soon learned; and was horror-struck 
at tiearing firom the surgeon who attended me^ that four or fi> 
9 N ' 



' weeks would be the rery eariMst period I could bear removai widi 
safety. Here then at ouce was a large deduction from my dtat 
month's leave, not to thmk of the misery that awaited me for sudh 
a time, ooufiaed to my bed in an inn, without books, friends or ac- 
quaintances. Howeyer eren this could be remedied by patience, 
and summoning up all I could comtnand, I ^ bided my time/'%ul 
not before I ba^ completed a term of two months' imprisonment, 
. and had become, from actual starvation, something very like a 
• living transparency. 

No sooner, however, did I feel myself once more on the roadP, 
than my spirits rose, and I f<^t myself as full of high hope, and 
buoyant expectancy as ever. It was late at night when I arrived in 
London. I diove to a quiet hotel in the west-end ; and the following 
morning proceeded to Ibrtman-square, bursting with impatience to 
see my friends the Cadlonbys and recount all my adventures — ^for as 
I was too ill to write from Northa&ipton, and did not wish to en- 
trust to a stranger the office of communicating with them, I judged* 
that they must be exceedingly uneasy on my account, and pictured 
to myself the thousand emotions my appearance so indicative of 
illness would give rise to ; and could scarcely avoid mmning in my 
impatience to be once mor^ among them. How Lady Jane would ^ 
.meet me, I thought of over again and again; whether the same 
cautious reserve awaited me, or whether her family's approval 
would have wrought a change in her reception of me, I burned to 
ascertain. As my thoughts ran on in this way, I foimd myself 
at the door ; but was much alarmed to perceive that the closed win- 
dow-shutters and dismantled look of the house proclaimed them 
from home. I rung the bell, and soon learned from a servant, 
whose face I had not seen before^ that the family had gfone to Paris 
about a month before, yrith the intention of spending the winter 
. there. I need not say how grievously this piece of intelligence , 
disappointed me, and for a minute or two I could not collect my 
thou^ts. At last the servant said : 

<* If you have any thing very particular, sir,^that my Lord's law- 
yer can do, I can give you his address." 

** No, thank you— nodiing ;" at the same time I muttered to my- 
self, " I'll have some occupation for him though ere long. The 
family were all quite well, did'nt you 'say ?" 

^ Yes sir, perfectly well. My lord had only a slight cold." 

" Ah — yes — and their address is * Meurice ;' very well." 

So saying I turned from the door, and with slower steps than I 
had come, returned to my hotel. 

My immediate resolve was to set out for Paris ; my second was 
to visit my uncle. Sir Guy Lorrequer, first, and having explained 
to him the nature of my position and the advantageous prospects 
before me, endeavour to induce him to make some settlement on 
Lady Jane, in the event of my obtaining her family's consent to 
our marriage. This, from his liking great people very much, and 
laying great stress upon the advantages of connection; I looked 



' C0V7S8SI01I8 OJ HABRT LaKKX^0Xa. 99 

QDOn as a maHer of no great difficulty ; so ^t, although my hopto 
01 happiness were delayed in their fulfibnent, I belieT^ they were 
only about to be the more securely realised. The same day I set 
out for Elton, and by ten o'clock at ni^ht reached my uncle's house. 
I found the old gentleman looking just as I had left him three 
years before, complaining a little of gout in the left foot — ^praiautig 
his old specific, port wine — ^abusing his servants for robbing him— 
and drinking the Duke of Wellington's health every night after 
supper ; which meal I had much pleasure in surpruring him at on 
my arrival — ^not having eaten since my departure from London. 

^^ Well, Harry," said my uncle, when the servants had left the 
loom, and we <hrew over the spider table to .the fire to discuss ^oor 
wine with comfort, ^< what good wind has blown you down to me, 
my boy ? for it's odd enough, five minutes before I heard the wheels 
on the gravel I was just wishing some good fellow would join me 
at the grouse — ^and you see I have had my wish ! The old story, 
I suppose, < out of cash.' Would not come down bere'for nothing 
-—eh ? Gome, lad, tell the truth ; is it not so ?" 

<< Why, not exactly, sir ; but I really had rather at present taUb 
about you, than about my own matters, whieh we can chat over 
to-morrow. How do you get on, sir, with the Scotch steward ?" 

<^ He's a rogue, sir— a cheat — ^a scoundrel ; but it is the same with 
them all ; and your cousin, Harry — ^your cousin, that I have reared 
ficom hiis infancy to be my heir, (pleasant topic for me !} he cares no 
more for me than the rest of them, and would never come near me 
if it were not that, like yourself, he was hard run for money, and 
. wauted to wheedle me out of a hundred or two." 

<< But you forget, sir — I told you I have not come with such an 
object." 

<< We'll see that — ^we'll see that in the morning," replied he^ with 
an incredulous shake of the head. 

« But Guy, sir — ^what has Guy done ?" 

^ What has he not done ? No sooner did he join that popinjay 
aet of fellows, the — th hussars, than he turned out what he calls 
a four-in-hand drag, which dragged nine hundred pounds out> of 
, my pocket — ^then he has got a yadit at Cowea— a grouse mountain 
m Scotland — and has actually* given Tattersall an unlimited order 
to purchase the Wreckingtbi) pack of harriers, which he intends to 
keep for the use of the corps. In a word, there is not an amuse- 
ment of that villanous regiment, not a flask of champagne drank 
at their mess, I don't bear my share in the cost of; ^11 through the 
kind offices of your worthy cousin, Guy Lorrequer." 

This was an exceedingly pleasant expos6 for me, to hear of my 
cousin mdulged in every excess of foolish extravagance by his rich 
uncle, while I, the son of an elder brother who unfortunately 
called me by his own name, Harry, remained the sub., in a march- 
ing regiment, with not three hundred pounds a year above my 
pay, and whom any extravagance, if such had beei^i^froved against 
me, would have deprived of ^ven that i^all Allowance. My unole 



100 ' «x>inrS85xoirs oy habrit LOAmx^vER. 

# ' 
Imwever did not notice Ae ehagim -wiMh ^^rfaidh I heBsd his 
tive, bat continued to detail various instances of wild and recklsk^i 
expense liie future possessor of his ample property had already 
launched into. 
Anxious to say something without well knowing what, i hinted 
. that probably my good cousin would reform some of diese days/ 
and marry. 

<^ Marry/' said my tmele ; ^* yes, that I believe, is the best ihing 
we can do with him ; and I hope now the matter is in good train^-- 
so the latest accounts say, at least^^ 

" Ah, indeed,^' said I, endeavorii^ to take an interest where I 
really felt none — for my couan and I had never, been very intimate 
friends, and the difference in our fortunes had not, at least to my 
thinking, been compensated by any advances which he, under the 
eircumstanoes, might have made to me. 
<*^ Why, Harry, did you not hear of it ?'^ said my.uacie. 
« No — ^not a word, sir." 

" Very strange, indeed— a great match, Harry—* very great 
'matdi, indeed.'* 

^ Some rieh banker's daughter," Uiought I. ^^ What will he say 
when he hears of my fortune ?" 

^ A very fine young woman too, I understand^-quite the bella 
of London — and a splendid property left by an aunt," 

I was bursting to tell him of my afEa.ir, and that he had another 
nephew, to whom if common justice wese rendered, his fortuiie 
' was as certainly made for life, 

<^ Guy's business happened this way," continued my nude, who 
was quite engrossed by the diought of his favorite's suoeessL <^he 
father of the young lady met him in Ireland, or Scotland, or some 
sueh place, where he was widi his regiment — was greatly struck 
with his manner and address — ^fouzid him out to be my nepfaew^*— 
asked him to his house^^and, m fact^ almost threw this tevely girl 
at his head before they were two months acquainted." 

*^ As nearly as possible my own adventiure," thought I, kagha^g 
to myself. 

« But you have not tdi me who they are, sir," said I, dying to 
have his story finished, and to b^in mine, 

"I'm coming to that — I'm coming to that. Guy came dowtn 
here, but did not tell me one word of his having erer met the 
family, but begged of me to give him an introduction to them,, as 
they were in Paris, where he was going on a ^ort leave ; and the 
fii^t thing I heard of the matter was a letter from the papa, de- 
manding from me if Guy was to be my heir, and asking ^ how far 
his attentions in his &imJJy, met with my approval.' " 
' " Then how did you kiu>w, sir, that they were previously known 
to each other ?" 
" The family lawyer told me who heard it adl talked over," 
^ And why, then, did Guy get the letter of introduction £rom you 
when he was already acquainted with them?'? 



^* I am sure I cannot tell, excfept Aat you know h« alwayis does 
erery thing unlike any one else, and to be sure the letter^ seems lo , 
have excited some amusement I must shontr ypu bis answer to. 
my &st note to kno^w how all was going on; for I felt very 
anxious about mattets, when I heard &om some peirson who had i 
m^ them, that Guy was everlastingly in the 19>use, and that Lord >^ 
GaUonby oould not live without him/' 

'^^ Lord who, sir V' said I in a voice that made the old man upset 
his glass and spring from his chair in h<>rro!:. 

^ What the devil is the matter with the boy ? What makes you. 
so pale ?'^ , 

" Whose name did you say at that moment, sir ?" ssvid I with a . 
slowness of speech that cost me agony. 

^ Lord Callonby, my old schoolfellow and fag at Eton." 
" And the lady's name, sir?'' said I, in flearoely an audible whis- 
per. ' ■ s ■ 
"I'm sure I forget her name; but here's the letter from Guy, 
and I tj^ink he mentions her name in the postscript/' 

,1 snatched rudely the half-opened letter from the old man, as he ' 
was vainly endeavouring to detect the place-ihe'^ra.iiiedjaticl Mad 
as follows : 

"My adored Jane is all your fondest wishes for my happiness 
could picture, and longs to see her dear uncte^'as she aJready caUs 
you on every occasion." I read no mor<e — my eyee swam— Ae* 
paper, the candles, every thing before me, was mistyaad confused; • 
and although I heard my uncle'^ voice still' going on, I knew no- • 
^ thing of what he said. 

For some time my mind could not tak:e in the full extent of the 
base treachery I had met with) and I sat speechless and stupified.. 
By degrees my faculties became clearer, and with one glance I 
read the whole business, from my first meeting with them at Kil- 
rush to the present moment. I saw that in their attentions to vm^ 
they thought they were winning .the heir of Elton, the future pK>-» 
prietor of fifleen thousand per annum. Prom^this tangled web of | 
heartless intrigue I turned my thoughts to L&dy Jane herself. How 
" had she betrayed me ! for certainly she had not oniy received, but- 
encouraged my addresses — and so soon too. Totbmk.that at the 
jj very moment when my own precipitate haste to see her had in- 
volved me in a nearly fatal accident, she was actually receiving thei 
attentions of another ! 0, it was too, tao bad. * ' 

But enough — even now I can scarcely dwell upon the. memory 
' of that moment, when the hopes and dreams of many a long day. 

I and night were destined to be thus rudely blighted. I sduSed the 
first opportunity of bidding my uncle good night; and having pre- 
mised him to reveal all my plans on the morrow, hurried to my 
room. -* 

My plans ! alas, I had none — ^that one fatal paragraph had scat- 
tered them to the Vinds ; and I threw myself upon my bed, wxetda- 
ed and almost heart-broken. - 

9* 



lot coHVXflsioirB or bab»t uonnxqxmm. ^\ 

I hare once before in these << Cotlfessions "claimed to myself llie 
privilege, qot inconsistent with a full disdosuie of the memorabilia 
of my life, to pass slightly over those passages, the burden of whidh 
was unhappy, and whose memory is still painful. I must now, 
therefore, claim the <' benefit of this act,'' and beg the reader to 
let me pass from thi sad portion of my history, and for the fidl 
expression of my mingled rage, contempt, disappointment, and sor- 
row, let me beg of him to receive instead, what a learned pope 
once gave as his apology for not reading a rather polysyllabic 
word in a Latin letter— ** As for this,** said he, looking at the 
phrase in question, ^sait quVl dit^^' so say I. And now— en 
route. 



CHAPTER XL 

OaSI.TBllSAlf--*MATmiMONIAI. ABVSNTURE — 8H0WJH6 HOW TO * 
MAKS LOVE VOR A FSIBVD. 

It was a cold raw evening in February a^I sat in the coffee-roimi 
of tiie Old Plough in Cheltenham, Lucullus c L%uuUa--tko com* 
panion save my half-finished decanter of port I liad drawn my 
chair to the comer of the ample fire-place, and in a half dreamy 
state was reviewing the incidents of my early life, and like most 
men who, however young, have still to lament talents misapplied, 
opportunities neglected, profitless labour, and disastrous idlenes& 
The dreary zap&cX of the large and ill-lighted room — ^the cjlose-cur-^ 
tained boxes— the unsocial look of every thing and body about 
suited the habit of my soul, and I was on the verge of becoming 
exceanvely sentimental — tli^ unbroken silence, whei^ several peo** 
pie were present, had also its effect upon me, and I felt oppressed 
and dejected. Sk) sat I for an hour ; the clock over the mantel 
ticked sharply on — ^the old man in the brown surtoot had turned 
in his chair, and now snored louder— ^the gentleman who read the 
Time$ had got the CturonieUj and I thought I saw him nodding 
over the advertisements. The father who, with a raw son of about , 
nineteen, had dined at six, sat still and motionless opposite his oflT* 
spring, and only breaking the silence around by the grating of the 
decanter as he- posted it across the table. The only thing denoting 
active existence was a little shrivelled man, who, whh spectacles 
on his forehead, and hotel slippers on his feet, rapidly walked up 
and down, occasionally stopping at his table to sip a little weak- 
looking negus, which was his moderate potation |pr two hours. I 
have been particular in chronicling these few and apparently t^i^ial* 
circumstances, for by what m^re trifles are our greatest and most 
important movementsjnduced— had the near wneeler of the ITmmre 



^ conrxssiaiis ot baxlvt zoMmqemn. ^ ltd 

^ been only safe on bis tone legs, and nrhile I wrile Uiis 1 migfal-* 
but let me continue. The gloom and melancholy which beset me, 
momentarily increased. But three months before, and my proqpecta 
presented every thing that was fairest and brightest — now all the 
future was dark and dismal. Then my best friends could scarcely 
avoid envy at my fortune — ^now my reverses might almost excite 
compassion even in an enemy. It was singular enough, and I 
should not like to acknowledge it, were not these Confessions ia 
their very nature intended to disclose the very penetralia of my 
heart ; but singular it certainly was — and so I have always felt il 
since, when reflecting on it-^that although much and warmly 
attached to Lady Jane Callonby, and feeling most acutely what I 
must call her abandonment of me, yet, the most constantly recurring 
idea of my mind on the subject was, what will the mess say — 
what will they think at )iead-quarters>-^the raillery, the jestmg, 
the half-«oncealed allusion, the tone of assumed compassion, whidi 
all awaited me, as each of my comradels took up his line of behav- 
ing towards me, was, after all, the most difficult thing to be borne, 
and I absolutely dreaded to join my regiment, more thoroughly 
than did ever sdioolboy to return to his labour on the expiration of 
his holidays. I had framed to myself all manner of ways of avoid-* 
ing this dread event ; sometimes I meditated an exchange into an 
African corps — ^sometimes to leave the army altogether. However 
I turned the affair over in my mind^innumerable difficuHie!» pre* 
sented themselves, and I was at last reduced to that standnstill point, 
in which, after continual vacillation, one only waits for the slightest 
impulse, of persuasion from another, to adopt any, no matter what 
fiqigestion; In this enviable frame of mind I sat sipping wine, 
and watching the clock for ^t hour at which, with a safe con- 
science, I might rethre to my bed, when d^e waiter roused me by 
demanding if my name was Mr. Lorrequer, for that a gentleman 
having seen my card in the bar, had been making inquiry for the 
owner of it all through the hotel. 
'^ ^^ Yes,'' said I, ^* such is my name ; but I am not acquainted with 
f| any one here, that I can remember." 

^ .^The gentleman has only arrived an hour since by the London 
. mail, sir, and here he i&" 

1^ At this moment, a tall, dashing-looking, half-swaggering fellow, 
^ in a very sufficient envelope of box-coats, entered the coffee-room, 
^ and unwinding a shawl from his throat, showed me ihe honest 
^ and manly countenance of my friend Jack Waller, of the — th 
. v.^dra^oons, with whom I had served in the Peninsula. 
.\'/^ Five minutes sufficed for Jack to tell me that he was come down 
A* on a bold speculation at this unseasonable time for Cheltenham ; 
A that he was quite sure his fortune was about to be made in a few 
r . weeks at farthest, and TiAgJ^ seemed nearly as engrossing a topic 
I ' -^ttiat he was pej^ctly^Snished, and desired a hot supper, *'de 
suite." '.■' 

• jBxk having ^s^tched this agreeable meal with a traveller's 
appetite, pToceetod to unfold his plans to me as follows ; 

Iff' ■;>■ 



IM CBMWMMmon ow habit 

There ieanded aomewkere^maax Cbritoaham, iu wbitt dmctMi 
}» did net absolutely know, an old East India colond, who had 
eetumed from a loDg career of successful staff-duties and goYem 
mtiDt contracts, with the moderate fortune of two hundred thou^ 
ta&nd. He possessed, in addition, a son and a daughter, the former, 
hmtg a rake and a gambler, he had long since consigned to his 
own devices, and to the latter he hadvavowed bis intention ef leair- 
ittg all his wealth. That she was beautiful as an angel — ^highl|r 
acoDaiplidhed'*«-giftedr^agveeable**^*«.nd all that. Jack, who had 
aeror seen her, was firm^ 'convinced, that she was also bent reso-^ 
hiteiy en marrying him, or any other gentleman whoee claims 
were prindpaHy ti^ want of money, he was quite ready to sweir 
to ; and, in fieiet, so assured did.he feel that *^ the whole affair warn 
ieasiUe,'^ (I uaa his own expression,) that he fafid managed a two 
nacoidw' leave, and was come down express to oee, make to^^to, 
and carry hear off at once. 

•^ But,'' said I, with difficul^ty intemiptiag hiaiy ^bow long faavo 
you known her father?'' >. 

*' Know him ? I never saw him.*' 

<^ Well, tkat certainly is cool; and how dcyoa ^opose making 
Usaequaintance* Do you intend to make him a particeps eriminia 
im the elopement of his own daughter, for a oonisidBiation to |m 
hereafter paid out of his own money ?" 

**Now, Harry, you've toudjied upon the point in which, you. 
must confess, my genius always stood unrivalledr-^-acknowled^a, 
if you are not dead to gratitude-^^acknowledge how often should 
you have gonoisuppexless to bed in our bivouacs in the Peniosala, 
bnd it not been for the ingenuity of your humble servant-r^^vow^ 
that if mutton was to be had, and beef to be purloined, within « 
circuit of twenty miles r^und, our mess certainly kept no &st days* 
I need not remind you of the cold morning on the reitreat from, 
Burgos, when the inexorable Lake brought five men to the halberds, 
for stealing turkeys, that at the same mom^it, I was engaged ia 
devising an ox^tail soup, from a heifer brought to oar tent in jack- 
boots the evening before, to escape detection by her foot tracte." 

<* True, Jack, I never questioned your Spartan talent; but this 
affair, time considered, does rather appear difficult." 

^* And if it were not, should I have ever engaged in it ? No, no, 
Harry. I put all proper value upon the pretty girl, with her two 
hundred thousand ipounds pin«-m<»)ey. But I honesUy own to you, 
the intrigue, the scheme, has as great a charm for me as any pa^ 
of the transaction." 

^ Well, Jack, now for the plan P' ! 

** The plan ! oh, the plan. Why, I have several ; but since I have 
seen you, and talked the matter over with you, I have begun to 
dkink of a new mode of opening the trenches. 

^ Why, I don't see how I can possibly have admitted a single 
new ray of light upon the affair." M 

'^ There are you quite wrong. Just hear mFoqt without inter- 



«u 



nqytion^ and I'fi «xpteiii. m first di^eo^rer &e locale t^ titfe' 
worthy colwie^— > Hydrabad Cottage' he calls it ; good*j eh P^-- tliiett 
I shetli proceed to make a tour of the immediate viciirity, and d#er 
be taken dangerously ill in his gi-on«dfS, withiA ten yards tK ibe 
ballMtoor, or be thrown from my gig at the gate of his ave»ue, and 
dac«tite my skull ; I don't care mueh which. Well, then, as J learn 
that the old gentleman is the most kind^ hospitable fellow in tfie- 
world, he'll admit me at once; his daughter will tend my siek- 
couch-— mirse— read to me ; gloiiousr fun> Harry. Pll make fiefce 
lorre to her ; and now, the only point to be decidted iar whether, hav-- 
ing partaken of ^e ooionei^s hospitality so freely, I ought to carry 
her off, or marry her with papa^s coaserit. You see there i9 itnich 
toi be sadd for either Khe of proceedfaag." 

*^ r certainly agree witti you there ; but since you seem^ to B&e 
your way so clearly up to* that point, why? I should advise yw» 
leaving that an < open question,' a& the ministers say, when they 
a3P& ha^d pressed for an opinion." 

« Well, Harry, I con^it ; it shall remain so; Now for yow^pait^ 
for I have not come to t&a«." 

^'^ J*ne," said I ih amazement ; ^ why how can I pessibly haw 
any character assigned me in the drama ?^' 

" I'll tell you, Harry, you shall come with me in the gig in the- 
capacity of my valet." 

** Your what ?" said I, hopror-struck at hi^iii^yndence. 

** Come, no nonsense, Hafry, you'll have a glorimie ti(ffiA of it 
-*^ha!l choose as becoming a livery as you 18ce^--andi you'll! have 
the whole female world below stairs dying for you; and all I ^sk 
for such an opportunity vouchsafed to you is- to puff me, yk>iir 
mastfer, in erery possible i^ape and form, and repsesent me as^tbe - 
finest and most liberal fellow in thfe world, roUiny in wc^th^ and 
o»Jy striving to get rid of i«.'* 

The unpatalleled effrontery of Master Jack in? assigniBg to m» 
such an office, absolutely left me unable to reply to him ; while be 
ccmtinued to expatiate upon the great field for exertion thus opeft 
to us both. At last it occurred to me to benefit by an anecdote^ of 
a something similar arrangement, of capturing, not a youAg lady, 
but a fortified town, by retortmg Jack's propesitioa. 

« Come," said I, ** I agree, with only one difference— l^Hr be the 
iBKSter, and you the man on iJiis occasion.'* 

To my uttfer confusion, and withoiit a second's conskteratiim, 
"WStller grasped my hand, and cried, « done." Of comrse I laughed • 
heartily at the utter absurdity of the whole sUieme, and rallied 
myifriend on his prospects for Botany Bay for soeh an exploit, 
ne^er contemplating in the most remote degree the commissioa of 
meHhi extravagance. 

Upon this Jack, to use the expressive Frcnefe phrase, **pfi8 1% 
pwrole,'^ touching with a master-like delicacy on mv lato defeat 
among the Callonbys, (which up to this instant I beueved him kl 
%Boraace of 5) he expatmted ujKm tiae prospect of my repairing 



106 COVyXstfoTO OF HAlimT XiOBEKQirXX* 

that misfortune, and obtaining a forluuo considerably larger; he. 
oautiously abstained from mentioning the personal charms of the 
young lady, suppo^ng from my lachrymose look, that my heart 
bad not yet recovered the shock of Lady Jane's pex£dy, and rather 
preferred to dwell upon the escape such a marriage coCild open to 
me from the mockery of the mess-table, the jesting of my brother 
officers, and the life-long raillery of the service, whoever the story 
reached. 

The &tal facility of my disposition, so often and so frankly chron- 
icled in these Confessions — the openness to be led whither any 
one might take the trouble to conduct me — the easy indifference 
to assume apy character which might be pressed upon me, by 
diance, accident, or design, assisted by my share of tlhree flasks of 
champagne, induced me first to listen — then to attend to — soon 
after to suggest — and finally, absolutely to concur in and agree to 
a proposal, which, at any other moment, I must have regarded as 
downright insanity. As the clock struck two, I bad just affixed 
my name to an agreenient, for Jack Waller had so much of method 
in his madness,. that, fearful of my retractin^in the morning, he had 
committed the whole to writing, which, as a specimen of Jack's 
l^gal talents I copy from the original document now in my posses* 
sion. 

<<The Plough, Cheltenham, Tuesday night or morning, two 
o'clock — be4he same more or less. I, Harry Lorrequer, sub. in 
his majesty's — th regiment of foot, qn the one part ; and I, Joha 
Waller, commonly called Jack Waller, of the -^h light dragoons 
on the other ; hereby promise and agree, each for himself, and no( 
one for the other, to the following conditions, which are hereafter 
subjoined, to wit, the aforesaid Jack Waller is to serve, obey, and 
humbly follow the aforementioned Harry Lorrequer, for the space 
of one month of four weeks, conducting himself in all respects^ 
modes, ways, manners, as his, the aforesaid Lorrequer's own man, 
skip, valet, or saucepan— duly praising, puffing, and lauding the 
aforesaid Lorrequer, and in every way facilitating his success to 
the hand and fortune of " 

« Shall we put in her name, Harry, here ?" said Jack. 

<^ 1 think not ; we'll fill it up in pencil ; that looks very knowing." 

a at the end of which period, if successful in his suit, the 

aforesaid Harry Lorrequer is to render to the aforesaid Waller the 
sum of ten thousand pounds three and a half per cent, with a 
faithful discharge in writing for his services as may be. If, oa 
the other hand, and which heaven forbid, the aforesaid Lorrequer 

&il in obtaining the hand of , that he will evacuate ^e 

territory within twelve hours, and repairing to a convenient spot 
selected by the aforesaid Waller, then and there duly invest him- 
self with a livery chosen by the aforesaid Waller " 

*• You know, each man uses his choice in this particular," said 
Jiick. 

'*- and for the space of fq^ calendar weeks, be imto the 



COKFJS88IONS OP BARBT LOKKSQITBft. 107 

aforesaid Waller, as his skip, or valet, receiving, in the event of 
success, the alike compensation as aforesaid, each promising 
strictly to. maintain the terms of this agreement, and binding, by 
a solemn pledge^ to divest himself of everv right appertaining to 
his formeic condition, for the space of time there mentioned/' 

We^igned and sealed it formally, and finished anothet flask ta 
its perfect ratification. This done, and after a heavy shake hands, 
we parted and retired for the night. 

llie first thing I saw on waking the following morning was 
Jack Waller standing beside my bed, evidently in excellent spiritflr 
with himself and all the world. 

" Harry, my boy, I have done it gloriously,'' said he. " I only 

remembered on parting with you last night, that one of the most 

marked features in our old colonel's character is a certain v,ague 

idea, he has somewhere picked up, that he has been at some very, 

remote period of his history a most distinguished officer. This 

notion, it appears, haunts his mind, and he absolutely beUeves he 

has been in every engagement, from die seven years war, down to 

the Battle of Waterloo. You cannot mention a^ siege he did not 

lay do^n the first parallel for, nor a storming party where he did 

not ^ead the forlorn hope ; and there is not a regiment in the ser* 

vice, from those that formed the fighting brigade of Picton, down 

to the London trainbands, with which, to use his. own phrase, he 

has not fought and bled. This mania of heroism is droll enough, 

when one considers that the sphere of his action was necessarily 

so limited ; but yet we have every reason to be thankful for the 

peculiarity, as you'll say, when I inform you that this morning I 

despatched a hasty messenger to his villa, with a most poUte note, 

setting forth that a Mr. Lorrequer — ay, Harry, all above board — 

there is nothing like it— ^ as Mr. Lorrequer, of the -th, was col* 

lecting for publication, such materials as might serve to comma- 

' morate the distinguished achievements of British officers, who 

have, at any time, been in command — ^he most respectfully requests 

an interview with Colonel Elamworth, whose distinguished ser« 

vices, on n^any gallant occasions, have called forth the unqualified! 

approval of his majesty's government Mr. Lorrequer's stav id 

necessarily limited to a few days, as he proceeds from this to visit 

Lord Anglesey ; and therefore, would humbly suggest as early a 

meeting as may suit Colonel K's convenience.' What think you 

now ? Is this a master-stroke or not ?" 

' " Why, certainly, we are in for it now," said I, drawing a deep 
sigh. " But Jack, what is all this ? Why, you're in livery already.'' 
I now, for the first time, perceived that Waller was arrayed in a 
very decorous suit of dark grey, with cord shorts and boots, and 
looked a very knowing style of servanj for the side of a tilbury. 

" You like it, do you ? Well, I should have preferred something 
a little more showy myself; but as you chose this last' night, I, of 
course, gave way, and after all,*I believe you're right, it certainly 
is neat." 



'^ Did I choose it last night ? I have noi tim sligbtQSt recoUeetifiii 
afit.^ 

^* Yes, you were most parlicular about tb^ length of the waist* 
coat, and the height of the cockade^ and you see I^haye followed 
your ordexs tolerably close ; and. now^ adieu to sweet equality for 
the season, and I am your most obedient servant for four Wieeto— 
see that you make the most of it." , 

While we were talking, the waiter euter^d with a note addreosed 
to me,, which I rightly conjpctujred could ooly come from. ColoDel 
Kamworth. It raja thusr— 

" Colonel Kamworth feels highly flattered by thetpirfiUe attention, 
of Mr. I^orrequer, and will esteem it a particular favour,, if Me. L. 
can afford him the few days his stay in this part of the coiuatry will 
permit^ by spending them. at. Hydrabad Cottage.. Any informatioii 
33 to Colonel Earn worth's services, ia thi& fouir quarters of the gloibe^ 
be need not say is eutirely at Mr. L/s disposal 

^ Colonel K. dines at si^ precisely." 

When Waller had read the note through, he tossed his hat up ia. 
the air, and with something little short of an Indian whoop^ shout- 
ed out — 

" The game is won already. Harry, my man, give me thechedc- 
for the ten thousand : she is your own this nunute.'^ 

Without participatbg entijely in Waller's exceeding deUght, I 
could pot help feeling a growing interest in the part I was adver- 
tised to perform, and began my rehearsal with more spirit than I 
thought I should have been able to command. 

That same evening, at the same hour as that i$k which on the 
preceding I sat lone and comfortless by the coffee-foom fire, I waa 
seated opposite a very pompous, respectable-looking old man,; with, 
a large, stiff c[ueue of white hair, who pressed me repeatedly to fill 
my glass and pass the decanter. The room was a small libi»ry, 
with handsomely fitted shelves ; there were but four chairs, but 
each would have made at least three of any modern one ; the cur- 
tains of deep crimson cloth effectually secuised the room from^ 
draught ; and the cheerful wood fire blazing on the hearth, whidk. 
was the only Ught in the apartment, gave a most inviting look of 
comfort and snugness to every thing. This, thought I, is excel- 
lent; and however the adventure ends^this is certainly pleasai^ 
and I never tasted better Madeira. . 

« And so, Mr. Lorrequer, you heard of 'my a&ir at Caatantoa?- 
bad, when I took the Rajah prisoner !" 

" Yes," said I ; " the governor-general mentioned the gallant 
business the very last tune I dined at Government-House/' 

*^ Ah,, did he? kind of him though. Well, sir,. I received two^ 
miTHons of rupees on the morning after, and a promise often mor^t 
if I would permit him to escape — ^but no^— I refused flatly.'* 

" Is it possible ? and what did you do with the two noUliona ?— 
sent them, of course " • 

^Noy that I didn't 5 the wretches know nothing of the use of 



<oumejr. Nc^ jae $ 1 have them 4us momejit in ,0opd^qir«pwfi||C 
secufiljr* 

^ I ibetieve I aever meBtkoed 44» yoa As at^rmiof of Jft'vta. • Fill 
youia^lf ^iMHhear glMs, and I'U^oacrite it iall to you, for it will ^ 
•f infinite cansequowe that a iriie aarratiye of this meets the pub- 
lic ieye^-^they tanuf aie quite ^pMrant of it. iliere noior i^ «Fc^ 
OorneUus^ mA there is the caoat, the ai^ar basin is the citadel, and 
Ae IfOQgs is. the first trench, the decaiater will represent the t£^l 
toiwer towards the sou'*W'^t angle, and here, the wine glass— tins 
10 me^ Well, it was ^ little after ten at alight that I. got the oidfr 
from the geiMMratl in connnand to asuu-db upon this plate of ^gfs, 
which was mi ap^ntspace before iFort C<»aelius, and to take up^ny 
positidti in &ont of the Fort, and wjtth four pieces of field artillery — 
xJaeae walnuts here«<-«to be ready to open my tfire at a moment^s 
^4»ning upon the sotu'-we&t Jtow^r; but my dear sir, you haTO 
moired tbe to wear; I thought you ^were drinJcing Madeira. As I 
fimid befefe, to op«a my fire upon the .sou^^w^st tower, or if neces- 
laa^ protect the sugar tongs, which I explaixied to you was :^ 
jtrench. Just at the same time the besieged <were making pre})art- 
itions for a soortie to oocoff this dish 4a£ almonds and raisins — ^tha 
ih^h ground tto .the \e& of my position-^put another log on the fire, 
if yen please, sir, for I cabiMiot see myseU'-^I thought I was up i^ear 
the figs, .aikl I find myseJf down near the half moon," 

^It is past nine," said a serviunt entering tlie room; ^^ shall I 
itftke the canniage for Miss Samwiorth, sir ?" This being the first 
time the name of the young lady was mentioned since my arrival,: 
I felt somewhat anxious to hear more of her, in which laudable de- 
<me 1 was not however to be gratifiedi, for the ^colonel, feeling con-- , 
.siderably amioyed by the interruption, dismissed tbe servant by- 
fiaying — 

^ What 6q you mean, sunrah, by <^m]^ in at this moment ; don'tv 
you see I am preparing for the attack on ^e half-moon^ Mr. 
luiorrequer, I b^ your pardon for one mom^t, this fellow has . 
completely put me out ; and besides, I perceive, you have eaten 
Mae fiying artillery, and in fact, my dear sir, I shall be obliged to . 
lay down tbe position again." 

With this praiseworthy interest tbe ookanel proceeded to arrange 
the " mattrieP^ oi <mr dessert in battle array, when the dooa: was 
euddeorly thrown open, and a very hand^eone girl, in a most be- 
coming demi tmletU^ sprung i»to the roMn^and either not lioticijig 
or not earing, that a. ^ranger wa» present, threw herself into the 
old gentleman's aims, vfith a degree of ewi^res^eanga^, exceedingly 
vexatioua for any third and unoccupied party to witness. 

'' Mary, my dear," eaid the colonel, costtpletely forgetting Jav» 
and Fort Cornelius at once, <<you don't perceive I have agentle« 
.man to introduce to you, Mr. Lorrequer, my daughter Miss Cam^^ 
worth ;" here the young lady courtesied somewhat stiffly, and I 
bowed reverently ; and we all resumed places. I now found out 
that Miss Eamworth had beeh spenduig the preceding four or five - 
10 



110 eo9rx9sxo99 or rabbt lokbx^vm. 

dftyfl at a friend's in die neigbonrhood ; and had piefemd oomuif 
home somewhat unexpectedly, to waiting for her own carriage. 

My Confession^, if recorded verbatim, from the notes of that four 
, weeks'* sojourn, would only increase the already too prolix and 
uninteresting details of this chapter in my life; I need only say, 
that without falling in love with Mary Karaworth, I felt prodi- 
^ously disposed thereto ; she was extremely pretty ; bad a foot and 
unkle to swear by, the most silvery toned voice I almost ever heard, 
tind a certain witchery and archness of manner that by its very tan- 
talizing imcertainty continually provoked attention, and by sug- 
gesting a difficulty in the road to success, imparted, a more than 
^common zest in the pursuit. She was a little, a very little blue, 
rather a dabbler in the ^ ologies," than a real disciple. Yet die 
made collections of minerals, and brown beetles, and cryptogamias, 
and various other homoepathic doses of the creation, infinitessi- 
maJly small in their subdivision ; in none of which I felt any inte- 
rest, save in the excuse they gave for accompanying her in her 
^eny-phaeton. This was, however, a rare pleasure, for every 
morning for at least three or four hours I wa^ obliged to sit oppo- 
site the colonel, engaged in the compilation of that narrative of 
liis res gestm^ which was to eclipse the career of Napoleon akid 
leave Wellington's laurels but a very faded lustre in comparison. 
In this agreeable occupation did I pass the greater part of my day, 
listening to the insufferable prolixity of the most prolix of colonels, 
and at times, notwithstanding the; propinquity of relationship which 
awaited us, almost regretting that he was not blown up in any of 
the numerous explosions his memoir abounded with. I may here 
mention, that while *tny literary labour was thus progressing, 
the young lady continued her avocations as before— not itideed 
with me for her companion — ^but Waller ; for Colonel Kamworth, 
** having remarked the steadiness and propriety of my man, felt no 
scruple in sending him out to drive Miss Kamworth,'' particularly 
as I gave him a most excellent character for every virtue under 
heaven. 

I must hasten on : — The last evening of my four weeks was 
drawing to a close. Colonel Kamworth had pressed me to pro- 
long my visit, and I only waited for Waller's return from Chelten- 
ham, whither I had sent him for my letters, to make arrangements 
with him to absolve me from my ridiculous bond, and accept the 
invitation. Wfe were sitting round the libi^ary fire, the colonel, as 
usual, narrating his early deeds and hair-breadth 'scapes, Mary, 
-embroidefing an indescribable something, which every evening 
made its appearance, but seemed never to advalnce, was rather in 
' better spirits than usual, at the same time her manner was nervous 
and uncertain ; and I could perceive by her frequent absence of 
mind, that her thoughts were not so much occupied by the siege of 
Java, as her worthy father believed them. Without laying any 
' stress upon the circumstance, I must yet avow that Waller's not 
liaving returned from Cheltenham gave me some uneasiness, and 



caawm»ntom 9w nAmmf L^nwawmm. Ill 

I more than oiioe faod lecorurse to the bell to demand if << my; «M- 
▼ant had come back yet ?" At each of these tiraes I well rememr 
ber the peculiar expression of Mary's look, the half embairass- 
menty half drollery, with which she list^ied to the question, and 
heard the answer in the negative. Supper at length made its ap- 
pearance ; and I asked the servant who waited, << if my man had 
brouglit me any letters," varying my inquiry to conceal my anx- 
iety ; and again I heard he had not returned. Resolving now tor 
propose in all form for Miss Kamworth the next morning, and by 
referring the colonel to my uncle Sir Guy, smooth, as far as I could, 
all difficulties, I wished them good night and retired ; not, however, 
before the colonel had warned me that they were to have an ex- 
cursion to some place in the neighbourhood the next day ; and beg- 
ging that I might be in the breaidast-room at nine, as they were to 
assemble Aere from all parts, and start early on the expedition. I 
was in k sound sleep the following morning, when a ^ntle tap at 

' the door awoke me ; at the same time I recognised the voice of the 
colonel's servant, sayings ^ Mr. Lorrequer, Breakfast is waiting, sir." 
I sprung up at once, and replying, << Very well, I shall come 
down," proceeded to dress in all haste, but to my horror, I could 
not discern a vestige of n^y clothes ; nothing remained of the habili- 
ments I possessed only the day before — even my portmanteau bad 
disappeared. After a most diligent search, I discovered on a c^kair 
in a comer of the room, a stnall bundle tied up in a handkerdiief, 
on opening which I perceived a new suit of livery of the most 
gaudy and showy description; the vest and breeches of yellow 
plush, with light blue binding and lace ; of which colour was also 
the coat, which had a standing collar and huge cufb, deeply oma- 

• mented with worked button holes and large buttons. As I turned 
the things over, without even a guess of what they could mean, for 
I was scarcely well awake, I j)erceived a small slip of paper fast- 
ened to the coat sleeve, upon which, in Waller's hand-writing, Urn 
following few words were written : — 

<^ The livery I hope will fit you, as I am rather particular about 
how you'll look ; get quietly down the stable-yard, and drive the 
tilbury into Cheltenham, where T^ait for further orders from your 
kind master, John Waller." 

iThe horrible villany of this wild scamp actually paralysed me. 
That I should put on such ridiculous trumpery was out of the 
question; yet what was to be done? I rung the bell violently ; 
^' Where are my clothes, Thomas ?" 

<< Don't know, sir ; I was out all the morning, sir, and never seed 
them." 

" There, Thomas, be smart now, and send them up, will you ?" 
Thomas disappeared, and speedily returned to say, ^'that my 
clothes could not be fornid any where ; no one knew any thing of 
them, and begged me to come down, as Miss Kamwprth demred 
him to say that they were still waiting, and* she beg^ Mr. Lor 



i lid *■ •OQPIMfMOMB' OJT > HAAKC Xi<Mt«Bl9(BER. 

.M<^r woidd.iiotinake an eltibd^raie Hiiifttle, b8 Ihe^ iv«Be golig 
•«ii a country exettrabn.'^ An elaborate toilette ! I trkih to heMen 
.shaiaviiiy Qostume; uo^ Tdl never .do it. ^ Thomaii you nnst 

: tall ibe ladies, and the eokvnol, too, that I feel i^ry ill ; i am not 
able to leave my bed ; I am 'Sulyept to wttaoks — ^tspf viDknttaltacBcs 
in JHf besui^ and nwist al^w^iys be left quiet and jd<xne-**-perfecEtly 
al0ne*^mind me, Tboaaaaa«--^Qr a day at least.'' Thomas ^lefKU'lcd ; 

< ^nd as I lay fkiaitracted in my bed, I heaod, fmm the bieaicifiust .roam^ 
the ioud lang^r of many pofsons'eyid^atiy engoying some ea:el- 
ItnA joke ; could it be me they were laughii^ at; the ttionght wba 
•iMffnhie. 

' ^ Ccdonel iKamworth wishes to ipiow if you^ like the doolor, 
air/' said Thomas^ evidently suppi^essing a sioat inTeteiate fit «f 
langfaingy as he again appeared at the door. 
^ No, ^eertainly not,'' said I, in a voke nf thunder.; <^ what die 

. •devil are you grinding at ?" ' 

^You nuiy as well come, my noan ; you're foimd^nt; tbey^all 
Icnow it now," sraid the jfeUow with an odious grin. 

I jumped out of the bed, and huiled the boot-jacdr at hJcn with 
all my 8t4?ength ; but had ondy the satisfiwtion to hear him go^wn 
tt^m chuckling at his escape ; and as he reached the pa^or, 4fae 
increase of mirth and the loudness of tlie laughter told me that he 
was not the only one who was merry at my expense. Aiqr Aisg 
WAS preferable to tfajs ; down stairs I i^esolved to go at once — but 
how ; a blanket I iboi^t wouM siot he a bad tUs^, aud partaou- 
laifly as I had said I was ill ; I could at les^ get as far as Goknel 
JCaaiworib^s dressmg-room^ and explain 1o him the whole affidr, 
but tfien if I was detected en rots^tf,iirfaich I was tdmost suie to 
be, with so many people ffSivadiaQg about the house. No ; that 
Would never do, there was hut osie ahemative, and ^eadlal, 
abocking as k was, I coufd m)t avoid it, said with a heavy %sa|t," 

^Mttul as»iu<ih ind^a/tbn at Waller Yor what I coukl not but con- 
sider a most scurvy trick, I denned the yellow iaexpiessibles ; iMMKt 
came the vest, and last the coat, with its broad flaps and lace 
excrescences, fifty times more absurd and merry-andrew tfean any 
stage servant who makes off with his table and two t^haiis anotkl 
ihe hisses and gibes of an upper gallery. 

If my costume leaned toward the ridiculous, I resplved that my 
sir tod baanng should be isione than usualb^ austere and haui^ty ; 
and with somethiDg of the stride ^ John ]Kemble in Coriolanni^ 1 
was leavkftg my bedroom, when I accidentally caught a view of 
myself in the glass ; and so mortified, so liho^d was I, that I 
sank into a dhak, ai»i almost abaiiNioned my resolution to go on ; 
the very gesture I had assumed for my vindication only increased 
ihe ridicule of my a|ipeaTance ; and the starange quaintness of the 
i^stume totally oblfteni'ted every trace of any diaracteristic of the 
wipafer, so infernally cunning was its contrivance. I dcm't think 

• Aist the most satnmkie martyr of gout and dyspepsia could survey 

^ Bie without hiughihg: With a boki effort I iiung open my door^ 



«W«*ESWONS Of HAftHY iDORftSQTTSft. * 113 

'IWtried <!ow»'the staarsy and reached the hall. The first person I 

■tee* -Was a Icind of ptetty boy, a beaa* only lately emancipated 

' fttumthe plcmgh, awd destined $ffter a <iozen years^ training as a 

fien^'ant agadn to he ttttn^d Ymdk to bis old employ for 'incapacity ; 

' he grinned ^4mMy for a minute, as f passed, aaad then in a haif 

•wfa&per said— 

« Maester, I«dvise ye ran for It; ftiey're a waiting ibr yie with 
<he constahtes in the justice's room.^' I gave him a look of con- 
temptnous superioi^ity at which he grinnfed the more, and passed on. 

Without stopping to consider where I was going, I opened the 
dowr of the brealcfest-parlor, and fmmd myself in one plunge 
anaong a room f«ll of people. My first impulse was to retreat 
again ; l)ut so locked was I at the very first thing that met my 

* wghtj^at I was pierfectly powerless Ifo do any thing. Among a 
» contoderable number of people who stood in small growps round 

* 4he breakfast table, I discerned Jack Waller, ^haWted in a very 
■ accwrate bladk frock and dark trowsers, supporting upon his arm 

* — shall I confess*— no less a person than Mary Kamworth, who 
leaned on him with the familiarity of an old acquaintance, and 
charisted gaily with him.. Hie buzz of contr^rsation which filled 
the apartment when I entered ceased for a second of deep silence; 
and 4>en followed a peal of laughter so long and Tociferous, that 
in my momentary anger I prayed some one might burst a blood- 
wssel, and frighten the'rest. I put on a look of indescribable 

'indignation, and cast a glance of what I iiijended should be most 

withering scorn on the assembly ; Tjut alas ! iny infernal harlequin 
coitume ruined the 'effect ; and confomid me, if they did not laugh 
tho louder. I turned from one to the other with the air of a man 
who ma^ks owt victims for his future wrath ; bnt with no better 
fifuccess ; at last, -amid the continued mhth of the party, I m^ade my 
way towards where Waller stood absolutely suffocated with laugh- 
ter, and scarcely able to stand wtthout support. 

" Waller,'' said I, in a voice half tremulous with rage and shame 
together ; ^^ Waller, if this rascally trick be yours, rest assured no 
•former term of intimacy between us shall ^ 

Before I could conclude the sentence, a bustle ut the door of ihe 
room called every attention in that direction ; I turned and b^dd 
<!k)lonel Kamworth, followed by a stong posse comitatus of con- 
-stable^, tipstaffs, &c. armed to the teethj and evidently prepared 
for vigprous battle. Before I was able to point out my woes to 
Hry kind host, he btn-st out with— 

'^ So, you scoundrel, you impostor, you damned young villain, 
pretending to be a gentleman, you get admission into a man's 
house and dine at his table, when your proper place had been 
behind his chair. — How far he might have gone, heaven can tell, 
if that excellent young gentleman, his master, had not traced him 
here this morning — but you^U pay dearly for it, you young rascal, 
ftiat you shall.'^ 

'* Colonel Kamworth," said !> drawing myself proudly up, (aiwj 

;io* P 



114 CO'NVflSiilOMS OF HARRT LOBBS^USft. 

I coniess exciting new bursts of laughter,) ^ Colonel Kamworch^ 
for the expressions you have just applied to me, a heavy reckoning 
awaits you ; not, however, before anodier individual now present 
shall atone for the insult he has dared to pass upon me.'' Colonel 
Kamworth's passion at this declaration knew no boundi^ ; he cursed 
and swore absolutely like a madman, and vowed that transporta- 
tion for life would be a mild sentence for such iniquity. 

Waller at length wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, in- 
terposed between (he colonel and his victim, and begged that I 
might be forgi^^n ; ^^ for indeed, my dear sir," said he, ^ the poor 
fellow is of lather respectable parentage, and such is his taste for 
good society that he'd run any risk to be among liis betters, al- 
though, as in the present case, the exposure brings a rather heavy 
retribution, however, let me deal with him. Come, Henry," said 
he, with an air of insufferable superiority, << ta^e my tilbury into 
town, and wait for me at the Greorge, I shall endeavor to make 
your peace with my excellent friend, Colonel Kamworth, and the 
best mode you can contribute to that object, is to let us have no 
more of your society. 

I cannot attempt to picture my rage at these words ^ however 
escape from this diabolical predicament was my only present ob 
ject ; and I rushed from the room and springing into the tilbury at 
the door, drove down the avenue at the rate of fifteen miles per 
hour, amid the united cheers, groans, aild yells of the whole ser- 
vants' hall, who seemed to enjoy my " detection," more even than 
Iheir betters. Meditating vengeance, sharp, short, and decisive on 
Waller, the colonel, and every one else, in the infernal conspiracy 
against me, for I utterly forgot every vestige of our agreement in 
the surprise by which I was taken, I reached Cheltenham. Un^ 
fortunately I had no friend there to whose management I could 
commit the bearing of a message, and was obliged as soon as 1 
could procure suitable costume, to hasten up to Coventry where 
the ^th dragoons were then quartered. I lost no time in select- 
ing an adviser, and taking the necessary steps to bring Master 
Waller to a reckoning ; and on the third morning we again reached 
Cheltenham, I thirsting for vengeance, and bursting still with 
anger ; not so, my friend, however, who never could discuss the 
affair with common gravity, and even ventured every now and 
then on a sly allusion to my yellow shorts. As we passed the last 
toUbar, a travelling carriage came whirling by with four horses at 
a tremendous pace ; and as the morning was frosty, and the sun 
scarcely risen, the whole team were smoking and steaming, so as 
to be half invisible. We both remarked on the precipitancy of the 
party ; for as our own pace was considerable, t*he two vehicles 
passed like lightning. We had scarcely dressed, and ordered 
breakfast, when a more than usual bustle in the yard called us to 
the window ; the waiter who came in at the same instant told us 
that four horses were ordered out to pursue a young lady who had 
sloped that morning with an officer. 




■ ' ■-r,jf-^ 






CONFSSSIOffS OF MAftBT LOftftBQVXK. IK 

*^ Ah, our friend in the green travelling chariot, PU be bound,'' 
said my companion ; but as neither of us knew that part of Ae 
country, and I was too engrossed by my own thoughts, I never in- , 
quired further. As the chaise jn chase drove round to the door, 
I looked to see what the pursuer was like ; and as he issued from 
ihe inn, reco^ized my d devant host. Colonel Kamworth. I need 
not say n^vengeance was sated at once ; he had lost his daugh 
ter, and Waller was cm the road to be mapied. Apologies and 
explanations came in due time, for all my mjuries aini sufferings; 
and I confess, the part which pleased me most was, that I saw no 
more of Jack for a consid^able period after ; he started for the 
continent, where he has lived ever since on a small allowance, 
granted by his father-in-law, and never paying me the stipulated 
sum, as I had clearly broken the compact. . 

So much for my second attempt at matrimony ; one would sup- 
^ pose that sudi experience should be deemed sufficient to show that 
my talent did not lie in that way. And here I must rest for the 
present, with the additional confession, that so strong was the me- 
mory of th%t vile adventure, that I refused a lucrative appointment 
under Lord Anglesey's government, wb^n I discovered that his 
livery included << yellow plush breeches;'' to have such ^^souve- 
nirs'' flitting around and about me, at dinner and elsewhere, would 
have left me without a pleasure in existence. 



CHAPTER XIL 

DUBLIN — TOM o'fULHSRTV — A RBMINISGENCE OF THE FBNINS17I.A. 

Dear, dirty Dublin — \^ lo te salute" — how many excellent things 
might be said of thee, if, unfortunately, it did not happen that the 
theme is an old one, and has been much ' better sung than it can 
^ver now be said. With thus much of apology for no more length- 
ened panegyric, let me beg of my reader, if he be conversant with 
that most moving melody — the Groves of Blarney — ^to hum the 
foUowing linqs, which I heard shortly after my landing, and which 
weU express my own feelings for the " loyed spot." 

O ! Bablin, sure there is no doabiin' 

Beats every city upon the aay, 
'Tis there you'll see O'Connell spouting, 

And Lady Morgan making " toy." 
For 'tis the capital of the greatest nation 

With finest peasanti'y on a fruitful sod, 
Fighting like devils for conciliation, 

And hating each other for the love of God. 

Onoe more, then, I found myself in << the most car-drivingest citjr/^ 



' mf^on^te to join, on the expttfttioa^ my ieare. ^nee my^^^par- 
>tBT% my regmejit had <been lovdered (o Kilkfiiioy, tkwt sweet dtf, 
80 fined la »iBg for its ^^&De witboiitsflioke;'' but *v^bich, were ^jCs 
, tc^racter in any way Ho be deriired (som its paat ox {MKrnt vspse- 
>8eiitalii^ might oiertainly, wiith mcoe pix)|mecjr, xev«»ii6 the fipitfaet, 
l^aoA read ^«mo]oe without &^'^ My last coammntctttion §mm 
ifaaad-quartere was fill! of notiumg but ^y dMBg»*^aHs, dkinns, 
t dejeunes, «ad nun^ ftfaaa all, private tfaesudrica^ seemed to nccii^^ 
Ibe mitire aHletttioai of erety nuan of the gallaiut -th* I was twr- 
'ttestly eqtiveated to ofMme, without waatiiig for the end of my leave 
'-^^that sereml of my old << parts were kepi <opoii for me f^ aund ttet, 
. in iaciy the ^ boys of Kitk^ny'' were on tip-toe expectation of my 
. amraly as tho«^h bis majesty 't joaail wesw to convey a Kesii or a, 
Kemble. I shuddered a little as I read this, and reoollacted ^imy 
last a|)pearattce on aoiy stage/' litlk atttioipaitin^tit the jmoment, 
JAat my next was io be nearly as pfedisetivetkf itbe ludicDous^^as 
time aod my oemfessiotis will s|^w. One c»cu]iisttiice,iiowovor, 
gave me ooosideraUe pleaj3»re. It was this : I took it fer ^gjraBUd^ 
that in the varied and agr^eaible tKscupatioiis which so pleasraaUe 
a oareeropened, my sidrventures m love wooM eseape notioe^asd 
Ihai I i^ould avoid the oaefcitass taiUery my two floras, in tdx 
mtniih»9 migbi xeasonably be soppiwed to call SotAi. t fteuefiire 
wrote a hurried note to Gureon, setting fordi ibe great interest all - 
their proceedings had for me, and assuring him that my stay in 
town should be as short as possible, for that I longed once more 
to " strut the monarch of the boards,'^ and concluded with a sly 
paragraph, artfully intended to act as a " paratonnere'^ to the gibes 
and jests which I dreada^ by e»deavottring to make light of my 
matrimonial speculations. Tlie postscript ran somewhat thus — 
" Glorious fun have I had since we met ; but were it not that my 
Sgbod atigel stood me, I should write these hurried lines wifti a trife 
at my elbow ; but luck, that never yet deserted, is still faithful to 
f oor old firiend, EL Lenreqner." 

My reader «iay sttppoee — for he is duffieiently behind Ibe eoon^ 
with me — mith w^at feelings I penned these words ; yet »ny tbimg 
WHS bettiff than the attack I looked forward to : and I ^otdd ratlier 
have <ehaiiged into the Cape Rifle Corps, or any other army of owr* 
tyrs, than'mo^ my mess with all idie ndk^uie my i&te prooeediiiga 
oxposed me to. Hairing disbnrthoned my oeascjeoce of Ibis ^dbread, 
I finished my bteakfast^ and eet out on a etroli through the towiL 

I believe it is Coleridge who sopiewhere says, that to transmit 
the first bright and early impresmons of e«r youtk^ fresh and unin^ 
jured to a remote period of llfe^ constitutes one of the loftiest pre^ 
rogatives of genius: If this be true — and I am not disposed to 
dispute it — what a gifted people must be the wcwrthy inhabitants 
,^f Dublin ; for I scruple not to ajQBrm, that of all cities of which w& 
have any record in history, sacred or profane, there is not one so 
little likely to' disturb the tranquil clirrent of such reminiscences. 
*- As it was didldf so it is row^^' my^ymg a delijgbilful jperauuaency 



m all its habits and' etistoms, vfhvsh no changes dsewfai»e dntatb 
of affect ; and in thi» reapect I defy (yConnell and all dae tail ttt, 
rrfase it the epithet of ^ Cbn«enr»tire/^ 

Had the excellent Rip Yaa WiRkle*, instead of seeking: his fo* 
pose upon the cold and barren acclivities of the Kaatskilb^— as we . 
are reritabtjr informed by Irving* — but betaken hiixiself to a com«. 
fortaWe bed at Moirison-'s' or the Bilton, not only woald he have . 
enjoyed a more agreeabte siesta, but, wfeat the enot siiowed of 
more consequence, the pleasing sati^ction of not being discori-. 
cetted by noTelty on his a\rake»i©gv It is possible that the waijter . 
who bronght him the water to s^Te-^for Rip'» beaad, we and 
tolii, had grown micomtnonly lot^-^might exhibit a little of that 
wear and tear to which humanilry is liable tcom time ; bttt had he 
questioned him as to the ruling topics^^the pepillar amusementSi 
o^the day — he would have heard, as be might hav^donfi twenty^ 
years before, tha^ there was a meeting to cocnrert Jews at the So- . 
tixMa; another to rob parsons at the Com Excbar^e ; that the vice* 
roy was dining with the corporation, and congratulating tiiem oa 
the prosperity of Ireland, while the inhabitants^ weare regaled with, 
a procession of the " broad ribbon weavers,'* who had net weaved^ 
heaven knows when ! This with an occasional letter from Mr. 
O'Conneli, and now and then a duel in the " Pfaayaix," constifiotcd 
the current pastimes of tfie city. Such at least, were they in my 
day ; and though far from tfie dear locale, aa odd flitting glance sit ' 
the newspapers induces me to believe that matters^ are not much 
changed since. 

; I rambled through the stteets for some hours, revolving such 
thoughts as pressed upon me involuntarily by all I saw. The same 
little gray homunculus that filled my "prince's mixture" years bej^ 
fore, stood behind the counter at Lundy Foot's weighing out rap»- 
pee and high toast, just as I last saw him. The fat college porter, 
that I.used to mistake in my school-boy days for the Provost, Gtofji 
forgive me ! was there as fat and as ruddy as haretofore, and woffn 
his Roman costume of helihet and plush-breeches, with an air asr 
classic. The old state trumpeter at the castle, another object of 
my youthful veneration, poor <* old God save the king," as we used 
to call him, walked the streets as of old ; his cheeks, indted, a httte^ 
more lanky and tendinous; but then there had been many vksere* 
ga^ changes, and the " pne sole melody his heart delighted,"' had 
been more frequently called into requisition, as. he marched- in so- 
lenm state with the other antique gentlemen in tabards. As I walk- 
ed along, each moment some old and early association being sug^* 
gested by the objects around, I felt my arm sadfcnly seized. I 
turned hastily round, and beheld a very old compainoe in many a 
hard-fought field and merry bivouack, Tom O'Fkherty of the 8th, 
Poor Tom was sadHy changed since we last met, which tvaa a^t a 
ball iu Madrid. He was then one of the best*iooking fellows of 
his " style" I ever met'— tall and athletic, with the easy bearing of 
s man of the worliS, and a certain jauntmess that 1^ have never i 
but in Irishmen who have mixed much in society. 



118 COlifXSSIOirS OF HABBT L^BU^VXIL 

There was also a certain pecuUar devil-xnay-care recUessness 
about the self-satisfied swagger of his gait, and the free iwd easy 
glance of his sharp black eye, united with a temper that nothing 
could ruffle, and a courage nothing could daunt With sucn 
qualities as these, he had been the prime &yorite of his mess, to 
which he neter came without some droU story to relate, or some 
choice expedient for future amusement Such had Tom once been : 
now he was much altered, and though the quiet twinkle of his 
dark eye showed dmt the spirit of fun within was not << dead, but 
only sleeping," — ^to myself, who knew something of his history, it 
seemed almost cruel to awaken him to any thing which might 
bring him back to the memory of by-gone days. A momentary 
glance showed me that he was no longer what he had been, and 
tfiat the unfortunate change in his condition, the loss of all his 
earliest and oldest associates, and bis blighted prospects, had nearly 
broken a heart that never deserted a friend, nor quailed before an 
enemy. Poor O'Flaherty was no more the delight of the cirde 
he once adorned ; the wit that << set the table iu a roar" was all but 
departed. He had been dismissed the service ! !-^Tbe story is a 
brief one: — ^ 

In the retreat from Burgos, the — Light Dragoons, after a most 
fatiguing day's march, halted at the wretched village of Cabenas. 
It had been deserted by the inhabitants the day before, who on 
leaving, had set it on fire; and the blackened walls and Men roof- 
trees were nearly all tlmt now reknaii^ed to show where the little 
hamlet had once stood* 

Amid a down-pour of rain, that had fallen for several hours, 
drenched to the skin, cold, weary, and nearly stsurving, the gallant 
8th reached this melancholy spot at night&ll, with little better 
prospect of protection from the storm than tlie barren heath through 
which their road led might afibrd them. Among the many who 
muttered curses, not loud but deep, on the wretched termination 
to their day's sufferinj^, there was one who kept up his usual good 
sqpirits, and not only seemed himself nearly regardless of the priva* 
tions and miseries about him, but actually succeeded in making 
the others who rode alongside as perfectly forgetful of their annoy- 
ances and troubles as was possible under such circumstances. Good 
stories, joking allusions to the more discontented ones of the party ^ 
ridiculous plaiis for the night's.encampment, followed each other 
so rapidly, that the weariness of the way was forgotten; and wlfile 
some were cursing their, hard fate, that ever betrayed them into 
jBUch misfortunes, the little group round O'Flaherty were almost 
convulsed with laugher at the wit and drollery of one, over whom 
if the circumstances had any influence, they seemed only to heigb^ten 
his passion for amusement In the early part of the morning lie 
had captured a turkey ; which hung gracefully ffom his holster on 
one side, while a small •goat-skin of Valencia wine balanced it on 
the other. These good things were destined to form a feast that 
evening, to which He had invited four others ; that being, according 



CONFESSIONS 07 HASBT LORBB^tVBlt. 119 

to his most liberal caleulation, the greatest number to whom he 
could afford a reasonable supply of wme. 

When the halt was made, it took some time to arrange the dis- 
positions for the night ; and it was nearly midnight before all the ^ 
regiment had got their billets and were housed, even with such 
scanty accommodation as the place afforded. Tom's guests had ^ 
not yet arrived, and he himself was busily engaged in roasting 
the turkey before a lai^e fire, on which stood a capacious vessel 
of spiced wine, when the party appeared. A very cursory " recon- 
naissance" through the house, one of the only ones untouched in 
ihe village, showed that from the late rain it would be impossible 
to think of sleeping in the lower story, which already showed 
signs of being flooded ; they therefore proceeded in a body up stairs, 
and^what was their del%ht to find a most comfortable room, neatly • 

furnished w:ith chairs, and a table; but above all, a large old- 
fashioned bed, an object of such luxury as only an old campaigner^ 
can duly appreciate. The curtains were closely tucked in all 
round, and, in their fleeting and hurried glance, they felt no incli- i 

nation to disturb them, and rather proceeded to draw up the table . 

before the hearth to which they speedily ren\oved'the fire from 
below ; and, ere many minutes, with that activity which a bivouack 
life invariably teaches, their, supper smoked before them, and five 
happier fellows did not sit down that night within a large circuit 
around. Tom was unusually great ; stores of droUerv unlocked 
before, poured from him unceasingly, and what with his high 
spirits to excite them, and the reaction inevitable after a hard day's 
severe march, the party soon lost the little reason that usually ' 

sufficed to guide them, and became as pleasantly tipsy as can well 
be conceived. However, all good things must have an end, and 
so had the wine-skin. Tom had placed it affectionately under his 
arm like a bag-pipe, and failed, with even a most energetic squeez 
to extract a drop ; there was now nothing for it but to go to rest 
and indeed it seemed the most prudent thing for the party. 

The bed became accordingly a subject of grave deliberation j 
ibr as it could only hold two, and the party were five, the^e seemed 
some difficulty in submitting their chances to lot, which all agreed 
was the fairest way. While this was under discussion, one of 
the party had approach^ the contested prize, and, taking up the 
curtains, proceeded to jump in — when, what was his astonishment 
to discover that it was already occupied. The exclamation of 
surprise he gave forth soon brought the others to his side ; and to 
their horror, drunk as they were, they found that the body before 
them was that of a dead man, arrayed in all the ghastly pomp of 
a corpse. A little nearer inspection showed that he had be^n a / 

priest, probably the Padre of the village ; on his head he had a 
small velvet skull cap, embroidered with a cross, and his body was 
swathed in a vestment, such as priests uspally wear at the mass ; 
in his hand he held a large wax taper; Vhich appeared to have 
burned only half down, and probably been extinguished by th 



ISO c<mnssn>Ns or hasrv losix^xx* 

V 

current of air on opening the door. Aflor the first bri«f shock 
which this sudden apparition had caused, the party recovered a» 
much of their senses as the vine had left them, and proceeded to 
discnss what was to he done under the circumstances; for not one 
of them erer contemplated giving wp a bed to a dead priest, while 
^re living men slept on the grounds After much altercation, 
O'Flaherty, who had hitherto listened withouti speaking interrupted 
Ihe contending parties, saying, " stop, lads^ I have it." 

" Come,'^ said one of them, ** let as hear* Tom's proposal.'* 

<^ 0/' said he, with difficulty steadying himsdf while he 
spoke, <' we'll put him to bad with old Ridgeway, the quarter-mias- 
ter!" 

The roar of loud laughter that followed Tohl's device was re- 
newed again and again, till not. a man could speak from absolute 
fatigue. There was not a dissentiient voice. Old Ridgeway 'jhis 
hated in the corps, and a better way of disposing of the priest and 
paying off the quarter-master could not be thought of. 

Very Uttle time sufficed for their preparations ; aitd if they had 
been brought up under the Duke of Portland himself^ they could 
not have exhibited a greater taste for a " black job." The door of 
the room was quickly taken from its hinges, and the priest placed 
upon it at full length ; a moment more sufficed to lift the door upon 
their shoulders, and preceded by Tom, who lit a candle in honor 
of being, as he said, " chief mourner," they took their way through, 
the camp towards Ridgeway^s quarters. When they reached &e 
hut where their victim lay, Tom ordered a halt, and proceeded. 
stealthily into the house to reconnoitre. The old quarter-master 
he found stretched on his sheep-skin before a large fire, the rem- 
nants of an ample supper strewed about him, and twp empty bot- 
tles standing on the hearth — ^his deep snoring showed that aU was* * 
safe, and that no fears of his awaking need disturb them. His 
shako and sword lay near him, but his saberstache, was undev^his* 
head; Tom carefully withdrew the former; and hastening to 
his friends without, proceeded to decorate the priest with them ; 
eixpressing, at the same time, considerable regret that he feared it 
might wake Ridgeway, if he were to put the velvet sknll-eap on 
him for a night'^cap. 

Noiselessly and steadily they now entered, and ^jroceeded to put 
down their burden, which, after a moments discussion, they agreed 
to place between the quarter master and the fire, of which, hitherto, 
he had reaped ample benefit. This done, thejr stealAily retwated, 
and hurried back to their quarters, unable to speak with laughter 
at the success of their plot, and their anticipation of RidgeWay'a 
rage on awakening in the morning. 

' It was in the dim twilight of a hazy morning, that the bngler o£ 
die 8th aroused the sleeping soldiers from their miserable couches, 
which wretched as they were, they, nevertheless, rose from relnc- 
tantly — so wearied and fatigued had they been by the preceding^ 
day's march ; not one among the number felt so indisposed to adx 



MAe vbHhy qiitiyr«0iaile)r ; Ms pgcaitor OTotfAiacar ha Afewywdfr 
•da^womthaiii usual exairtion oq hispaivand m tha pastum lit 
hud kkua down, at night, he xmtoi till morning without stsamg^a 
limb. Twice the rereitle bad mag through the liule mtaxosfKoms^ 
Mub thrice tha quarter-master bad essayed to op^ bis eyes, but in 
vain ; at last he made a tremendous effort^ and sat bolt upright ool 
jftw fioor, hoping that tha suddeu effort iaighl sufficieaitiy arouse 
him ; slowly his eyes opened, and' the first thing that tb€^ bebdd 
was tdbe £^;ure of the dead pri^t, with a light cavabry helmet on 
ids bead^ seated before htmu jRidgeway, who "w^as ^ bon Gatlio^ 
liqne/' tsembled in every joiot-|r*it might be a gbofit, it might be a 
Mraingyhe kneir neit what to Ihiidc-^he imagbied the lipa move^ 
Md 90 oreseome wilb terror was he at lasfe^that he ateohHell^ 
shouted like a maniac, and never ceased till the Imt was fiUed wiih 
bOoees a^d men, who heading die uproar ran to his aid^th^ sur* 
f rise of the poor. quartoMxuuster at the apparition, was scarce^ 
ffeater tiian that of the beboldars-^^no one was able to afford aiif 
exptanattofu of the cixet^mstance^thoui^h all* were assured, that it msat 
kav» beieoa done ist jest — the door u(mhx which the priest had been 
coiureyedi* afforded the olne^tbey had forgotten to restore it lo ilfe 
fi]iiee^-*^ccordingly the different billets were examined, and. at hat 
O^FIaherty was discovered in a most commodious bed, in akttge 
room without a door, still fast asleep, and alone : how smd when 
he had parted ftos^ his companions, ha never ceuld predsely ez- 
ftein,. tbntgh he has^ since confesisQd k was part t)f hia schi^me to 
Jmd tbem astxay in the village,. a»d then retire to the bed, whiidi 
IM' had determined to appropriate to his ^oie use. 

Old Ridgew&y's mge knew no bounds; he absoliiteiy foaiaad 
^th passion, and in proportion as he was lai]^ed at his ehxdflr 
rose higher ; had this been the only result, it had been well for poor 
Tom, but unfortunately the affiiir got to be rumourad through the 
^country — the inhatntants of the villages learned, the indignity witfi 
wfhich the Padre bad been treated; they addressed a a&eiDoriai ti> 
Lord Wellington-rinquiry was immediately institoted—O^Fiai>erty 
wsts tried by court^nfartial, and found guilty ; nothing short of tbe 
heaviest punishment that could be iniicted under the eii»un»tan- 
€99 would satisfy the Spani|irds> and at that precise period it was 
|»art of our policy to conciliate their esteem by every means in pur 
power. . The commander-in-chief resolved to make what he called 
an " example,*' and poor O'Flaherty— the life and sdul of his regi- 
ment — the darling of his mess, was broke, and pronounced incapa- 
ble of ever servmg his Majesty again. Such was the ev«nt ujpcii 
wlttch my poor friend^s fortune in life seemed to hinge^-*^!^ w- 
Iwned to Ireland, if not entirely broken hearted, so altered that his 
hufit^ends scarcely knew him; his <^ occupation was gone;'* the 
mesa had bee» his home ; his brother officers .were to iJm in piaoe 
' o£ rdatives, and he had lost all. Hia after life was spent in mm- 
.bUng firom one wateormg placet to another, more with 4im air of one' 
vbo sedoai to coosumt than en^y his time ; and widi sueh a jhaiifo 
11 Q 



lit ooirysssioHS w bakst x.oftBX^]inBi^ 

in appeii«|ice as the aHemttofn in his fertime had effected, he nojr 
atood before me, but altogether so different a many that but for iqa 
well-teown tones of a voice that had so often convulsed me wita 
laaghter, I should have scarcely recognized him. 

^ Lorrequer, my old friend) I never thought of seeing you hexe-^ 
this is indeed a piece of good luck." 

" Why, Tom ? You surely knew that the were in Ireland, 

didn't you?" 

^ To be sure. I dined with them only a few days ago, but ihey 
told me you were off to Paris, to marry something superlatively 
beautiful, and most enormously rich, the daughter of a duke, if I 
jemember right; but certes, they said your fortune was made, and 
I need not tell youy there was not a man among them better pleased 
thim I was to hear it" 

<< ! they said so, did they ? Droll ^ogs — always quizzing-^I 
wonder you did not perceive the hoax — eh — very good, was il 
not?" This I poured out in short broken sentences, bludiing libs 
acarlet, and fidgeting like a school girl in downright nervousness. 

« A hoax ! devilirfi well done too," — said Tom, " for old Caxdea • 
believed the whole story, and told me that he had obtained a six 
aionths' leave for you to make your ' com.' and, moreover, said 

that he had got a letter from the nobleman, Lord confound 

lys name." 

** liord Grey, is it ?" said I, with a sly look at Tom. 

^ No, my dear friend," said he drily, ^ it was not Lord Grey-^ 
but to continue — ^he had got a letter from him, dated irom Parisy 
stating his surprise that you had never joined them there, accord- 
ing to promise, and diat they knew your cousm Guy, and a great 
dttsd of other matter I can't remiember — so what does all this mean j 
Did you hoax the noble Lord as well as the Horse Guards, Harry V^ 

This was indeed a piece of news for me ; I stammered out some 
ridiculous explanation, and promised a fuller detail. Could it be 
thftt I had done the Callonbys injustice,, and that they never in- 
tended to break off my attentions to Lady Jane — ^that she Was still 
laithful, and that of all concerned I alone had been to blame, ! 
how I hoped this might be the case ; heavily as niy conscience 
might accuse, I longed ardently to forgive and deal mercifully with 
myself. Tom continued to talk about indifferent matters, as these 
thoughts flitted through my mind ; perceivings at last that I did not 
attend, he stepped suddenly and said — 

^ Harry, I see clearly that something has gone wrong, and per- 
haps I can make a guess at the mode too : but however, you can do 
nothing about it now ; come and dine with me to-day, and we'll 
discuss the affair together after dinner ; or if you prefer a < distrao- 
;tion,' as we used to say in Dunkerque, why then I'll arrange some- 
thing fashionable for your evening's amusement. Come, what say 
you to hearing Father Eeogh preach, or would you like a supper 
at the Garlin^ord, or periiaps you prefer a soirte chez Miladi j for 
all of these Dublin affords — ^all thre^ good in' their way, and vwy 
intellectual." 



COVFBMHmS OW BJfftBT KOBBSQ^Bm 2S9 

<< Weil, Tom, I'm yoms ; but I should proto your dkung witk 
aie ; I am at Mton's ; we'll have our cutlet quite alone, and " 

^ And be heartily sick of each other, you w^e going to add. 
No, no, Harry ; you must dine with me ; I have some remarkably 
iMce people to present you to^— six is the hour — sharp six — ^num* 

ber Molesworth-street, Mrs. Chnfrizzie's— easily find it-^ 

large fimlight over the door^^huge lamp in the hall, and a stroi^ 
odor of mutton broth for thirty yards on each side of the premises 
•*»and as good ludc would have it, I see old Daly the counsellor, 
as they call him, he's the very man to get to meet you, you alwa3rs 
liked a character, eh !" 

Saying this, O'Flaherty disengaged himself from my arm, and 
/hurried across the street towards a portly middle-aged looking gen» 
tleman, with th6 reddest face I ever beheld. After a brief but verf 
animated colloquy, Tom returned, and informed me that all was 
rigtrt ; he had secured Daly. 

^ And who hs Daly ?" said I, inquiringly, for I was rather inte^ 
rested in hearing what peculiar qualification as a diner-out thel 
counsellor might lay claim to; many of Tom's friends being af re* 
markable for being the quizzed as the quizzers." 

<^ Daly," said he, << is the brother of a most distinguished member 
of the Irish bar, of which he himself is also a follower, bearing 
however, no other resemblance to the clever man than the name, 
for as assuredly as the reputation of the one is inseparably linked 
with success, so unerringly is the other coupled with failure, arid 
strange to say, that the stupid man is fiiirly convinced that his bro- 
ther owes all his success to him, and that to his disinterested kind- 
n^ the other is indebted for his present exalted station. Thus it 
If through life ; there seems ever to accompany dulness a sustainii^ 
power of vanity, that like a life-buoy, keeps a mass afloat whose 
weight unasristcd would sink into obscurity. Do you know that 
my friend Denis there imaginei^ himself the firsi man that ever en* 
lightened Sir Robert Peel as to Irish affiiirs: and, upon my word, 
hui reputation on this head stands incontestibly higher than on most 
others." 

^ You surely cannot mean that Sir Robert Peel dver consulted 
with, much less relied upon, the stiitements of such a person as 
yoil described your friend Denis to be ? 

^ Wb did both — and if he was a little puzzled by the information, 
the only disgrace attadies to a government that send men to rale 
over us unacquainted with our habits of thinking, and utterly ig« 
norant of the langua^ — ay, Trepeat it — but come, you shall judge 
for yourself; the story is a short one, and fortunately so, for I must 
hasten home to give timely notice of your coming to dine with 
me. ' When the present Sir Robert Peel, then Mr. Peel, came over 
here, as secretary to Ireland, a very distinguished political leader 
•f the day invited a party to meet him at <&iner, consisting of men 
of different political leanings; among whom were, as may be sup- 
posed, many members of the Irish bar ; the elder Daly was too re- 



BttokAbte a penvn to be omittied^ but as tbe two bzodiirs idtfded 
tbgel^€nr^ tbare was a difficulty aboxlt gelling him^^bfrPMrer^, iw 
zmtBt be had^ tmi the i9nb|r»alternaliv6 tliat ptestaited itarif was 
adopteob^botiL weve invited. When the paity descended t» tfaa 
dtning-rooBi) byr ob€ of those unfoftunate accidental^ whicb as tbti ' 
prerretb infoima U9> oocasioMmlly take place in tbe best reguiateet 
oalBdbUBhmBiitSy.tAie wrong Mx^Daiy got piaeed beside Mr. Peel,. 
vUcb pest of lione^T had been destined by the' best £00* the. mote 
agr&eabie and talented bcoduur. There wasHow iio help for it } and- 
wMi/ a heait somewbat nerroos for the eenseqiiencee of tbe pox* 
imity, the worthy entertainer sat down to do thehai»^ar8.asbest be 
itaig^ ; he waaconsoded during disuier by observing tiiat tbe. de<ro- 
tiott bestowed by honest Deme on tbe viondlibefois hian eSeptiaibf^ 
s^^Borbsd his faculties, and thereby threw tbe entire; of Mr. Peei^a 
eonrersation towards the gencieman on. his other ftamk. Thia hap* 
piness was, like most others, destined tcr be a brief one. As Ae 
deesert made its appearance, Mr. Peel began to listen, witti aoine 
aftienli0fl:to the conversation of the peraons opposite ; with ona> of 
wb^ ift was struck nicst foxcibly^-so happy a power of illnstiM^- 
tion, so vivid a fancy, ssKeh logical precision in argument aa bm 
evinced^ perfectly charmed and surprised him. Anxious to learn ^ 
ifae name of so gifted an individnalt he turned toward^ his hitherto* 
siianrt. neighbour and demanded who he wa& 

^ ^ Who is he, is it ?^ said Denis, hesitatingly, ns if he half doubted) 
^ch extent of igi^orance as not to know the person alluded to. 

Mr. feel bowed in acqubacence. 
. u i That's Bushe P said Denis, giving at the -same time the 



soiod to the vowel, tt: as it obtains when oeoiindag in the woidf 

" * I beg pardon,' said Mr. Peel, ' I did not hear.*' 

^.^ Buebe 1^ rephed Denis, with consid^abk energy of tone. • 
- '^ ^ yes ! I know,' said the secretary, < Mr. Bushe, a very dia» 
tiagxttshed member of your bar, I have heard.' 

<^ ^ Faith, you may say that !' said Denis,^ tossing off his wine at 
what he esteemed a very trite observation. 

^ *^Pray/ said Mr. Peel^ again returning to the charge, though 
eertatidy feeling not. a little sui^rised at the singular laconidsm of 
his informant, no less than the raelMuous tones of an^a^ecent then 
perfe^y new to him. ^ Pray, may I ask, what is the peculiar 
ebaraoter of Mr. Budais's eloquence ? I mean of course, i& his pro*- 
fodsional capacity.' 

'^ * Eh P said Dems^ ' I donPt oomprehend you exactly.' 

^ < 1 mean,' said Mr. Peel, ' in one word, what's his forte ; 

«<^^Hisfoarte!' 

^ ^ I mean what his peculiar gift consists m — ' 

« ^ 0, 1 perceive — ^I have ye new— rtibe juries !' 

^^Ah! addressdngajiury.' 

*.* Ay, the juries*' 

*^ ^Can you oblige urn by gKvdng me any id^ of the manner itt 



wiwh be obtims »ach sigpal fi^eooss ia this difficidt ttfateb ft 

^< < ril toll yet, said Urniisj hiaiaxely fawfaJKit bis glass, And smack*. 
* iqg his lips, wilh tb^ air of a oaiaii. girding liip kis Imos for 9wi&igbt|r 
^SqtL ^VHteWye^ — yfell, ye Beetle way be lias is tbKi,'--^^!!^ 
Mr. P^l^^cezpeotation jraae to tb^ highest degree of interestir- 
< the way he has ^th^-^hejir^t biUiher^ them tip and J htm siUhem 
titm down ! that's all ; jdevil a mope^of a seoret ithere^s in it' " 

Qow jsauch fcas^^n Denis bad to boast of ioi^wLrting ea^ly infeivr. 
xnation to the xbsw secsretary I leave iny ^English readers te guesa^ 
Bay ^ish ooes I may trust to do him anaple jusUoe. i 

JVIy.frieod now leift jioe <to.niy own .dences to while away .tb» 
beiixs till time to dress ibr di^er. Heaven help the gentlecoaa m 
left in Dublki, say L It is, pechaps, the only city of its size in iim 
world, wbere there is no InuQge — ue promenade. Very little 
f j^peiience of it will conviiace you that it abound^ in pretty wonusa^ 
and has its fair share of agr^able men : b\it wher^ are they in tbws^ 
mornu^g ? I wish ^ir Dick Lander, instead of speculating whem 
sabnon spent the Christmas hoUdays, would apply his moat in4ufar<- 
ing mindto such a question as this. True it is, however^ they are 
not. to beipund. The.squa^ss are deserted-^-the streets are vi^ 
nearly 6o***-and aJI that is left to the luckless W4aknderer in .search 
of the beautiful, is to ogle the beavMies.of Dame^tre^ who am 
sbo]>keepers in Graftoa-iStEeet, or the beauties of Grafton-street* 
who are shopkeepers in Dame-street. But, confound it, bo w Gmnky" 
1 4im ^ettic^g^*-! must be tremendously hungry. True it's past .six. 
So jMw for ms suit of sable, and then to dinner. . 



CHAPTER Xni. 

DUBLIN— THE BOARDING-HOUSE — SELECT SOCIETY. 

Punctual to my appointment with O'FJaherty, I found myself 
a very few minutes after six o'clock at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's door. 
My very authoritative summons at the bell was answered by the 
appearance of a young, pale-faced invalid, in a suit of livery the 
ta^te of which bore a very unpleasant resemblance to the one I so 
lately figured in. It was with . considerable difficulty I persuaded 
this functionary to permit my carrying my hat with me to the 
drawing-room, a species of caution on my part — as he esteemed it 
—savoring much of distrust. This point, however, I carried, and 
followed him up a very ill-lighted stair to the drawing-room ; here 
I was announced by some faint resemblance to my real name, but 
sufficiently near to bring my friend Tom at once to meet me, who 
immediately congratulated me on my fortune in coming off so weU^ 

11* 



IM etmwmsBiom of RAmRT LOftHSttrsB. 

for that the person who preceded me^ Mr. Jones Blennerbassety had 
been just announced as Mr. Blatherfaasbit-— a diange-^^the gentle* 
man himself was not disposed to adoptr-^^ But ooine along, Hany, 
while wa are waiting for Daly, let me make you known to eome 
€f{ our party ; this, you must laio w, is a boarding-house, and always 
has some capital fun^— queerest people you ever met — ^I have <Hily 
one hint--cut every n^an, woman, and child of them, if you meet 
diem hereafter — ^I do it m3rself, though I have lived here these 
six months." Pleasant people, thought I, these must be, with 
whom such a line is advisable, much less practicieible. 

'' Mrs. Clanfrizzle, my frieiri Mr. Lorrequer ; Hiinks he'll stay the 

8umn\er in town. Mn^. Clan , should like him to be one of us.^' 

This latter was said sotto vocty and was a practice he continued to 
adopt in presenting me to his several friends through tlie room. 

Miss Riley, a horrid old fright, in a bird of paradise plume, and 
corked eyebrows, gibbetted in gilt chains and pearl ornaments, and 
looking as the grisettes say, ^^ super be en ehryaolitej^* — ^^Miss Riley, 
Captain Lorrequer, a friend I have long desired to present tayou — 
fifteen thousand a-year and a baronetcy, if he has sixpence," sotto 
again. "Surgeon M'Culloch— he likes the title," said Tom in a 
whisper—" Surgeon, Captain Lorrequer. By the by, lest I forget 
it, he wishes to speak to you in the morning about his health ; he 
is stopping at Sandymount for the baths ; you could go out there, 
eh !" The tall thing in green spectacles bowed, and acknowledged 
Tom's kindness by a knowing touch of the elbow. In this way 
he made the tour of the room for about ten minutes, din*ing which 
brief space, I was, according to the kind arrangements of O'Fbi* 
heHy, booked as a resident in the boarding-house — a lover to at 
. least five elderly, and three young ladies — a patient*-a client — a 
second in a duel to a clerk in the post-office — and had als6 volun* 
• teered (through him always) to convey, by all of his majesty's 
mails, as many parcels, packets, band-boxes, and bird-cages, as 
would have comfortably filled one of Pickford> vans. All this he 
told me was requisite to my being well received, though no one 
thought much of any breach of compact, subsequently, except Mrs. 

Clap herself The ladies had, alas ! been often treated vilely 

before ; the doctor had never had a patient ; and as for the belli- 
gerent knight of the dead office, heM rather die than fight any day. 

The last person to whom my friend deemed it necessary to in- 
troduce me, was a Mr. Garret Cudmore, from the Reeks of Kerry, 
lately matriculated to all the honors of freemanship in the Dublm 
university. This latter was a low-sized, dark-browed man, with 
round shoulders, and particularly long arms, the disposal of which 
seemed sadly to distress him. He possessed the most perfect 
brogue I ever listened to ; but it was difficult to get him to speak, 
fdi- on coming up to town some weeks before, he had been placed 
by some intelligent friend at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establishment, with 
the express direction to mark and thoroughly digest as much as he 
conld of the habits and customs of the circle about him, which he 



v«s xigbtiy m&rm^d wa^ the very focus of good bieadu^ and 
haul ton ; but on no account^ unlciae drireu thereto by the prnmna 
of sickness^ or the wants of nature, to trust himself with speedy 
' which in his then uninformed state, he was assured would^ inerita* 
bly ruin him among his fastidiously cultivated associates. 

To the letter and the spirit of the despatch he had received, tfaa 
woirthy Garret acted rigidly, and his voice was scarcely evor 
jkoown to transgress the n^row limits prescribed by his friends. la 
more respects than one was this a good resolve ; for so completetf 
had he identified himself with college habits, Uiings and phra«v 
that whenever he conversed, he becamie little short of unintelligi- 
ble to the vulgar — a difBiculty not decreased by his peculiar pro* 
nunciation. 

My round of presentation was just completed, when the palo 
figure in light blue livery announced counsellor Daly and dimer, 
' fi>r both came fortunately together. Taking the post of honoufy 
Miss Riley's arm, I followed Tom, whom I soon perceived ruled 
the whole concern, as he led the way with another ancient vestal 
in blacjrsatin and bugles; The long, procession wound its snake* 
like length down the narrow stair^ and into the dining-room, where 
at last, we all got seated ; and heth let me briefly vindicEite Uie me* 
tives of my friend'-Hshoukl any unkind person be found to impute < 
to his selection of a residence, any base and grovelling pas8i<Ma fon 
jgourmandaise, that day's experience diould be an eternal 'vindica*- 
turn of him. The soup — alas ! that I should so far prostitute the 
word ; for the black broth of Sparta was mock turtle in compariT 
son — ^retired to make way for a mass of beef, whose tenderness I 
did not question ; for it sank beneath the knife of Uie carver like a 
feather bed — ^the skill of Saladin himself would have &iled to 
<^vide it The fish was a most rebellious pike, and nearly killed 
every loyal subject at table ; and then down the sides were various 
comestibles of chickens, with azure bosoms, and hams with hides 
like a rhinoceros; covered dishes of decomposed v^etable matter^ 
ealled spinach and cabbage ; j)otatoe8 arrayed in smiall masses, and 
browned, resembling those ingenious architectural structures of mud, 
children raise in the highways, and call dirt-pies. Such were the 
chief constituents of the ^^feed;" and such, I am /bound to confess, 
waxed beautifully less under die vigorous onslaught of the party. 

The conversation soon became both loud and general. That 
happy familiarity-— which I had long believed to be the exclunve 
prerogative of a military mess, where constant daily association 
sustains the interest of the veriest trifles — I here found in a perfec* 
tion I had not anticipated, with this striking difference, that there 
was no absurd deference to any existing code of etiquette in the 
conduct of the party generally, each person quizzing his neighbour 
in the most free and easy style imaginable, and all, evidently from 
long habit and, conventional usage, seeming to enjoy the practie^ 
^bceedingly. Thus, droll allusions, good stories, and smart repar* 
teesyfell thick, 99 hwl^ s^.tww as hwmlw, which mj whe» 



I 

4im tM I had ever heaod ol^ wotdd assuredly hsre caH^ ibr 
SBve •eBpianatioiM, and |wrbapB gunpoirder, in the mcmAitg, Abm 
imntlljr are deemed agreeable ! Here, ho we^er, they knew better ; 
aad^ though the towyer 'qoisead the doctor for nerer ha^ng an- 
other patioit than the famse dog, all of whose arteries he had tied 
in the eoum of die winter for practice — and the doctor retorted as 
kea(vi1y,i>y showing thtat the lawyer^s practice had been other (hah 
bi^eficial to those for whom he was concerned — his one dSxM 
h^img found guilty, mainly through his ingenious 'defence of him; 
yet they never showed amy, the slightest irritation— <yn the contretrf , 
sQcb little playful i^adinage ever led to some Ifriendiy passages tif 
Ukitig wine together, or in urramgements for a party to the ^< D^r- 
gle,^^ or " Dunleary ;" and thus went on the entire party, the yotmg 
kdies darting an oooasional slight at their elders, who certainly re- 
lumad the fire, often with advantage ; all uniting now and thmi^ 
hommfBT, in one oonrnon dause, an attaek of the whole' line upon 
Mia CUanfinEzle heiselfy ibr tl^e beef, or the mnttefn, or the fish, or 
the poultry— neada of which was snie to 'find some sttMy defamer, 
Mady and wiUing to give evidence in dispraise. Yet even these, 
aiwl I thought them rather dangerous sallies, led to no more vio- 
lent results than .d%ni^d replies from the worthy hostess, upon 
the goodness of her fare, and the evident satisftiction it afibrded 
w^ile 'being eaten, if the s^xpetites of the party were a test. While 
this was at its height, Tom stooped behind my chair, and w4iispereii 
gently. 

".This is good-^snH it, eh?-*-life in a boarding house— quite 
tew to you ; but they are civilizsed now compared to what youV 
find them in the drawing room. When short whist for five-penny 
^inls sets in— then Greek meets Oieek, and we'll hove it.'' 

< During all this mele^ tournament, I perceived that the worthy 
^jabas he would be called in the parlance of Trinity, Mr. Cudmoi^, 
lemained perfectly silent, and apparently terrified. The noise, 4(e 
din«of voices, and the laughing so completely addled him, that he 
taras like one in a very horrid dream.' The attention with whie^ I 
had ot^berved him, having been remarked by my friend O'Flitherty^ 
be* infiirmed me that the scholar, as he was called there, was then 
Uttder a kind of cloud-*-an adventure which occurred only two 
nights before, being too fresh. in his memory to permit hhn en- 
joying himself eveh to the limited extent it had been his wont 
to do. As illustrative, not only of Mr. Cudmore, but the life f 
have been speaking of, I may as well relate it. 

Soon after Mr. Gudmore'a enlistment, under the banners of fim 
CIanfrizzle,he.had sought and found an asylum in the drawing* 
xoom of the establi^mient, which promised, from its geographical 
relations, to expose him less to the molestations of conversatlMi 
ihun most other parts of the room. This was a small recess be^ 
aide the fire-place, not uncommon in oid-fasdiioned houi^s, ai»l 
whieh^ fK»n its inoapeeity lo hold more than one, secund to tfaa 
woitby veeluse Uie privacy he loagod fer ; and hne, asnong supttw 



iflt»dh«atdi4iT«riM>'«aii^A haind scfeen, an asthoiatfe beBows, 
moA a k0ttl^<4i0lder^ wt the tinad youth, ^ atoiie, Imt in a crowd.^' 
Ii9t ftH the «eduetiMi0 khI loo, Umited to ^fee pence, not even flnift 
»<KSV^apftt*dp»ttl»ly designated gBihae, beggar-my-nei^bor— 'coiidd 
mibdmw him fpmi Ms,4>le8t Tetnsat. Like his cenntryman, Bt. 
BeTin-^my friend P^^Ciie has ai^oe^&ini^ that "(jh^ saint iiv%s u na- 
tive of TridQe--4ie'ded from the tem]pt)Biliot}S of the wodd, and*fi)fe 
Mandii^mxeAts <ef4b9 fair ; bnt, aiais ! like the isaint himseSf, the 

M poor jib, little Itnew 
All that wily sex can do ;" 

for nrlojie he haggftd bbnself in the deeurit^ of his fortress, the vrtib 
ot hie destiny TV«8 wearing. So trne is it, as he bim^self nsed,,Tio 
baa pothi^icaLUy than poetically, tO'expMsss it, ^ misfortune ivill find 
you otrt, if yo« wore bid hi a tay -chest/^ 

Jt happened 4hait in Mrs. Clanfrizzlefs e»tabh*ment, the *^ enfant 
bi»^,'' already mentioned, yra.^ the only individnal of his sex ye- 
lained; and wkhcaKfor a mommft disparaging the ability or atteli* 
«icn643f this^ted peTfiom,yet it may reasonably be credited, that 
in iviriting on a party of twenty-five or thiity persons at dinner, 
afi of trhom he had admitted as porter, and announced asmaitre 
df hotel, with the «ul)6equent detail of his duties in the drawing 
tooni, ihat Peter, bine (Peter--^hi8 boapdkig4)on8e soubriquet^-^ot 
«qoying the bird-like privilege of <^ being in two places at onee,^ 
tficve one rather <te inapmssion of a persoti ^ hasty and fidgett^ 
Eftbits^for which nerVous tendency flie treatment he underwent 
iras ee»tain]y in jwdioious— it being^-tbe invariable custom for eacSi 
guest td put his Jervices in requisition, perfectly irrespective cf aU 
©ther daims <apon hini, frona whatsoever ijuarter comiDg — btA 
thw^ at the pipedse moment #iat 4he lucklese vaiet was 'snuffing tiie 
<»ndte% he wais abused by one for not bringmg icoal; by anoihea: 
fin« having carried off his tea-cup, on an ^expedition for sugar; 
*y a'third fwr having left the door open, which he had never been 
fiear ; and eo pn to the end of the chapter. 

It chanced that a few evenings pre^rions to my appearance itt 
4he house this indefetigable Caleb was mimsteraig as usual to l9ie 
various and ffiscrepant wants of the large party assembled in the 
drawing-room. With his wonted alacrity he had withdrawn from 
their obscure- retreat against the wall, sundry little tables, destined 
foff the players at whist, or " spoil fite'^ — ^the popular game of the 
establidiment. With a dexterity that savored much of a stage 
education, he had arranged the <^3idles, the cards, the counters ; he 
liad poked the fire, settled the stool for Miss Riley's august feet, 
Bud Was bui^ly engaged in dianging five shillings into small silver, 
•for a desperate victim cf loo— when Mre. Clanfirizzle's thipd,*and, 
as it appeared, last tinde, of asking for the ketde smote upon his 
ear. His loyalty would have induced h{m at once to desert every 
(thing on such an oceasion : bat the other party engaged, held lAk 
ffc«t,«aying— 

R 



190 coKftftsioirs ov HAifftr toaLmsvomm* 

<< N#ver mind heti Peter^you have sixpetioe more to giro i 

Poor Peter rummaged one pocket, then another-^HiiM»>Yeang at 
last three pence in copper, and some farthings, with whidi he seeoi- 
ed endeavoring to make a composition with his creditor for tvelw 
riiillings in the pound ; when Mrs. Clan's patience finally becoming 
exhausted, she turned towards Mr. Cudmore, the only unemployed 
person she could perceive, and with her bkmdest smile said : 

<< Mr. Cudmore, may I take the liberty of requesting you would 
hand me the kettle beside you ?" 

Now, though the kettle aforesaid Was, as the hostess very pro- 
perl]( observcKl, beside him, yet the fact in complying with ^e de- 
mand it was necessary for the bashful youth to leave the recess 
he occupied, and with the kettle, proceed to walk half across t6e 
room — ^there to perform certain manual operations requiring skill 
and presence of mind, before a large and crowded assembly — ^was 
horror to the mind of the poor Jib ; and he would nearly , as soon 
have acceded to a desire to dance a hornpipe, if such had been 
auggested as the wish of die company. However, there was no- 
thmg for It ; and summoning up all bis nerve — knitting his brows-^ 
clenching his teeth like one prepared to '^do or die," he seized the 
hissing cauldron, and strode through the room^ like the personified 
genius of steam, very much to the alarm of all the old ladies m 
the vicinity ; whose tasteful drapery benefitted but little from his 
progress. Yet he felt but little of all this : he had brought up his 
courage to the sticking place, and he was abi^hitely half uncon- 
scious of the whole scene before him ; nor was it till some kind 
m^iator had, seized his arm, while another drew him back by die 
skirts of the coat, that he desisted from the deluge of hot water, 
with which having filled the tea-pot, he proceeded to swamp every 
thiog else upon the tray, in his unfortunate abstraction. Mrs. Clan- 
frizzle screamed — ^the old ladies accompanied her — the young ones 
tittered-^fhe men laughed — and, in a word, poor Cudmore, per- 
fectly unconscious of any thing extraordinary, felt himself the ad- 
mired of all admirers— very little, it is true, to his own satisfac- 
tion. After some few minutes exposure to itiese eclats de rire, he 
succeeded in depositing the source of his griefs within the fender, 
and once more retired to his sanctuary — Shaving registered a vow, 
which, should I speak it, would forfeit his every claim to gallantry 
forever. 

Whether in the vow aforesaid Mr. Cudmore had only been en- 
gaged in that species of tesselating which furnishes the pavement 
so celebrated in the lower regions, I know not ; but true it is, that 
he retired that night to his chamber very much discomfited at his 
debut in the great world, $ind half disposed to believe that nature 
had neifner intended him for a Brummel or a D'Orsay. While 
. he was ruminating on such matters, he was joined by OTlaherty, 
with whom he had been always more intimate than any other in- 
mate of the house— Tom's tact having entirely concealed what the 
manners of the others too plainly evinced, t^^ perfect appreciation 



eov FSWKivrs o» bab»t x.obb«Q0bi. 131 

ef the student's additjr and singularity. Aftx\r some few obeerva- 
tioDs on general matters, OTlaherty began with a tone of some 
Mfiottsness to express towards Cndmore the wann inteiesi he had 
erer taken in him, since his first coming aaiong theni; his great 
anxiety for his wel&re, and his firm resolre that np chance or ca- 
ffoal inattention to mere ce^monial observances on his part diould 
ever be seized on by the other guests as a ground for detractidn or 
an excuse for ridicule of him. 

" Rely upon it, my dear boy/' said he, " I have watched over 
you like a parent ; and having partly foreseen that something like 
this affair of to-night would take place sooner or later '^ , 

*' What affair ?" said Cudmore--*his eyes starting half out of his 
head. 

« That business of the kettle." 

« Kett-.-el The kettle » What of that ?" said Cudmore. 

" What of it ? Why, ifyou don't feel it, I am sure it is not mjf 
duty to remind you; only — - — " , 

« Feel it — oh yes. I saw 'them laughing, because I spilled the 
water over old Mrs. Jones, or something of that sort." 

** No, no, my dear young friend, they were not laughing at that 
—their mirth had another object." 

« What the devil was it at then ?" 

« You don't know, don't you !" 

« No ; I really do not" 

"Nor can't guess — eh ?" 

« Confound me if I can." 

" Well. I see, Mr. Cudmore, you are really too innocent for 
' these people. But come — ^it shaU never be said that youth and in- 
experience ever suffered from the unworthy ridicule and cold sar- 
casm of the base world, while Tom O'FIaherty stood by a.q>ec- 
l^tor. 

<< Sir," said Tom, striking his hand with energy on the table, and 
darting a look of fiery indignation from his eye, ^ Sir, you were this 
night trepanned — ^yes sir, vilely, shamefully trepanned — I repeat 
die eiq>ression — into the performance of a menial office — an office 
' so degrading, so offensive, so unbecoming the rank, the station and 
the habits of gentlemen, my very blood recoils when I only think 
of the indignity." 

The expression of increasing wonder and surprise depicted in 
Mr. Cudmore's face at these words, my friend Phiz might convey 
««I cannot venture to describe it — ^suffice it to say, that even 
O'FIaherty himself found it difficult to avoid a burst of laijghter, as 
he looked at him and resumed, 

<< Witnessing as I did, the entire occurrence ; feeling deeply for 
the inexperience which the heartless worldlings had dared to 
trample upon, I resolved to stand by you, and here I am come for 
that purpose." 

« Well, but what in the devil's name have I done all this time ?" 

^< What ! are you still ignorant ?~is it possible ? Sid you not haod 



« 

rt»t?'' ^ '• . . . 

. << I did/' said GudBioiB^ with & voioe Alseady Ixeciuni&g iMemm- 

« ^^ is &at the duty of a igentleman ?^*-«an6W'er me thact.^' 

A dead pause iHood in place of a reply, while Tom proceeded^-^ 
•. ^ Did yx>a ever tear any one ask me, or GounseUor Daly, or Mi; 
Fogarty, or any other person to do so ?— answef^me that/' 

" No ; iiev«r," muttered Gudmore, with a sinking iSfwurit. 

« Well then, why, jnay I ask, were you selected for an oflide thai 
by your own confession, 110 one else wouid «toop to perfonn "^ PU 
tek you, becauae firom your youth and inexperience, your innocence 
was deemed a fit victim to thei heartless sneers of a cold and ua- 
feeUng world/' And here. Tom broke forth into a very beautiful 
apostrophe, beginiuag — " b, virtuie ?" (this I am mifortunately tin- 
ebie to present to mry xeaders ; aiul m^ust only assure them that it 
was a very faithful imitation of the well-known one deliYered by 
Burke in the case of Warrea Hastings) and concluded wiii an 
exhortation to Gudmore to wipe out the stain of his wottuisd 
b6iH)l»r,'by repelling with iiid^nation the slightest future aiysaatspi at 
such an insult. 

This done, O'Flaherty retired, leaving Gudmore to dig among 
Greek roots, and chew over the cud of his misfoartunes. Punctual 
to the time and place, that same evening heboid the injured Oud- 
uiore resume his wonted corner, pretty mudi with the Jfeeliiig with 
which a forlorn hope stands match in hand to ignite the ttain 
destined ta esplode with Tuifi to itbousaads— himself perhaps 
am^sigst the number : there he sat with a bram as bunaing, and a 
heart as excited, as though, instead of sippmg his hobea jbasafe a 
sea<^oal fire, he was that instant tresabhng haveath the frown ef 
Dr. Elrington, for the blund^rs in his Latin theme, and whs^t terror 
•o the mitwl of a <* Jib" can equal that one ? 

As Inck woukl have it, this was a company night in the Isoaodtng- • 
house. Various young ladies in long blue sasl]^, aod v^ery bnood 
Tibbon saudats, paraded the rooms, chatting gaily with very dis- 
tii^uished ioeking" young gentlemen, with gdd brooefaos, axKi 
party-coloured in^de waistcfoats : sundry eldeiiy ladies sat at'CaixI*^ 
tables, discussing the " lost honour by an odd trick they played/^ 
with h^ads as Large as those of Jack or Jill in the pantoooime ; 
spruce clerks in public offices, (whose vocation the expansile 
tindency of the rigl^t ear^ from long pen-carrying, betokened) 
discussed fashion, ^ and the musical glasses" to some very over- 
dressed married ladies, who preferred flirting to five^and4eB. Tlie 
tea-table, over which this amiable hostess presided, had also its 
stauding votaries : mostly grave parliamentary-looking gentlemeu> 
with powdered heads, aisd very long-waistod black coats, amoni^ 
whom the Sir Oracle was a functionary of his Majesty^ Hsgh 
Comt of Chaxioery, though I have reason to believe, not, Iiord 
Afanneis : meauwtdle^ m al {sirts of the joom might be seen Blue 



Bflite^clistrifcatiEig tdd^edSee, amdb biscuit and ooiaAioMttjr .iater- 
changing a joke witii ,tb8 idbBreUeis ia the hoiise. WhiUi s^ttsniiri 
pteaskig oocnpaiions proceeiied^ the hour of Gudmbre's trial dtmi 
approaching; The tea*pot which hsud stood the attaek of fourteen^ 
caips without fUnching^ at last begsm to &il aoid^ discovered to the. 
prying eyes of Mrs Clanfrizzle, nothing bat aa olive-coloured de* 
posite of soft matter^dosely analagous in appearance and ehetnical 
plopertisr to the residuary precipitate in a drained 'fish-pond; sk» 
putt donrn tbe lid with a g^tle sigh and Inming: towards the ^e 
bsfltowed one of her very blandest and most eaptrrating looks om 
Mk. €udmore, saying — ^as plainly as looks co«ikl say-*-^^ Gudmore, 
jmi^e wanting/^ Whether the youth did^ or did not uuderstamd^ 
iam unable to record: I can only say, the aj^al wms,i]iade witlv- 
out diotE3fiowtedgeiaa«nt. Mrs. Gfamfiizzle agaitk. essayed, and by « 
littls masonic movement of her hand lo the tea-pot, and a sbp 
fjtsDce at the hob, intimated her wish — still hopelessly ;. at last there 
was notbittg (01 it but speaking ; and she domied bee very softest 
yt>ioS) and most persuasive tons, saying^**^ Mr. Cudmore, I am 
feaiiy very troublesome : will you permit me to ask yem"...*.^ 

^* Is it for the kettle, ma'am ?'^ said Cudmoie, wiU) a- voice ti^ 
Morded the whole room, disconcerting tfaiee whist parties/ axul sa 
absorbing the attention of ib» peopie at loo, that the pool disap* 
psfispd without any one being able to aceo!«|it fpr the circmtistancei 

" Is it for the kettle, ma'am ?'' 

"W ytwi will be so very kind,'* lisped the liosless. ' 

«' Well, then, upon my conscieooe, you are impudent,'^ said 
CUdmere, with his face crimsoned to the ears, and his eyes flashing 
fire. 

* Why, Mr. Cudmore,'* b^an the lady, " why, really this is so 
strange. Why, sir, what can you mean ?" 

«< Just' Ma/," said the imperturbable jib, who, now that his 
eoorage was up dared every thing. 

<< But, sir, you miist surely have misunderstood me. I only asked 
for the kettle, Mr. Cudmore." 

" The devil a more," said. Cud, with a sneer. 

"Wdl, then, of qourse'^— 

*«Well, then, PU tell you of course," said he, repeating b«r 
words; "the sorrow taste of the kettle I'll give you. Call your 
own skip — ^Blue Pether there — damn' me, if Pll be your skip smy 
longer." 

Pot the unitiated I have only to add, that " skip'^ is the Trinity 
Gsilege appellation for servant, which was therefore emplojred by 
Mr. Cudmore, on this occasion, as expressing more contempuiouslj 
his sense of the degradation of the office attempted to be put upon 
him. Having already informed my reader on some particulars of 
die company, I leave him to suppose how Mr. Gudmbre's speedbi 
was Ifeceived. Whirt itself was at an end for that evening, and 
nefhii^ but laughter) k>ng, loud, and reiterated, burst from every 
c»nor of the room for hours after. 
12 



134 ooim«noii8'ev haskt lo&bs^itb!&. 

As I bave no far travelled out of the record of my own peoallaf 
Gonfessions, as to give a leaf from what might one day form the > 
matter of Mr. Cudmore's, I must now make the only amende in 
my power, by honestly narrating, that short as my visit was to 
the classic precincts of this agreeable establishment, I did not escape 
without exciting my share of ridicule, though, I certainly had tiot 
the worst of the joke, and may, therefore, with better grace tell 
the story, which, happily for my readers, is a very brief one. A 
custom prevailed in Mrs. Clanfrizzle's household, which from my 
unhappy ignorance of boarding-chouses, I am unable to predicate 
if it belong to the genera at lar^, or this one specimen in particular^ 
however it is a sufficiently cunous fact, even though thereby hang 
no tale, for. my stating it here. The decanters on the dinner*table 
were never labelled, with their more appropriate designation of 
contents, whether claret, sherry, or port, but with the names of 
tfieir respective owners, it being a matter of much less consequence 
that any individual at table idiould mix his wine, by pourii^ ^ port 
upon madma,'' than commit the truly legal offence of appropriat- 
ing to his own use and benefit, even by mistake, his neighbour's 
bottle. However well the system may work among the regular, 
membeis of the '^ domestic circle," and I am assured that it does 
succeed extremely — to the newly arrived guest, or uninitiated 
visitor, the affair is perplexing, and leads occasionally to awkfrard 
results. 

tt so chanced, from my friend 0' Flaherty's habitual position at 
the foot of the table, and my post of honour near the head, that on 
the first day of my appearing there, the distance between us, not 
only precluded all possible intercourse, but toy of those gentle 
hints as to habits and customs, a new arrival looks for at the 
hands of his better informed friend. The only mode of recognition^ 
to prove that we belonged to each other, being, by that excellent 
and truly English custom of drinking wine together, Tom seized 
the first idle moment from his avocation as carver to say, 

•< Lorrequer, a glass of wine with you." 

Having, of course, acceded, he again asked, 

"What wine do you djrink?" intending thereby, as I afterwards 
learned, to send me from his end of the table, what wiae I selected. 
Not X5onceiving the object of the inquiry, and having hitherto with- 
out hesitation helped myself firom the decanter, which bore some 
fiftint resemblance to sherry, I unmediately turned for correct infor- 
mation to the bottle itself, upon whose slender neck was ticketed 
the usual slip of paper. My endeavours to decipher the writing 
occupied time sufficient again to make O'Flaherty ask, 

'* Well Harry, I'm waiting for you. Will you have port ?" 

" No, I thank you," I replied, having by this revealed the in- 
scription. " No, I thank you. I'll just stick to my old friend here, 
Bob'M'Grotty;" for thus I rendered familiarly the name #f Rt. 
M'Grotty on the decanter, and which I in my ignorace believed 
to be the boarding house soubriquet for bad sherry. That Mr, 



COK7£S8XOir8 OV XAKBT liOXXS^lTSm. 13d 



M'Ovatty himself Itttte relished my famiUurity with either his i 
or pr<^rty I had a very deckive proof, for turning roi|nd upon hli 
chair, and surveying my person from head to foot with a look <^ 
fiery wrath, he thundered out in very broad Scotch : 

'< And by my saul, my ifreend, ye may just as. weel finish it noo, 
ibr deU a glass o' his ain wine did Bob M'Grotty, a^ ye, ca' him, 
swallow this day/' 

The convulsion of laughter into which my blunder and the 
Scotchman's passion threw the whole board, lasted till the doth 
was withdrawn, and the ladies had retired to the drawiug*room^ 
the only individual at table not relishing the nustake being the in- 
jured proprietor of the bottle ; who was too proud to accept repam* 
tion from my friend's decanter, and would scarcely condescend to 
open hifl lips during the evening; notwithstanding which diq^Iay 
^ honest indignation,^we contrived to become exceedingly menj 
and jocose, most of the party communicating little episodes of their 
life, in which, it is true, they frequently figured in situations that 
nothing but their native and natural candor would venture to avow. 
One story I was considerably unused at ; it was told by the counsel* 
lor, Mr. Daly, in illustration of the difficulty of rising at the bar, and 
which, as showing his own mode of obviating the delay that younj; 
professional men submit to from hard necessity, as well as in evu 
dance of his strictly legal turn, I shall certainly recount, one of 
these days, for the edification of the junior bar. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

THB CRASS. 

09 the morning after my visit to the boardmg-house, 1 received 
a few hurried lines from Curzon, informing me that no time was 
to he lost in joining the regiment — ^that a grand &ncy ball was 
about to be given by the officers of the Dwarf frigate, then statipn- 

ed off Dunmore ; who, when inviting the , specially put in a 

demand for my well ^own services, to make it go off, and con- 
cluding with an extract from the Kilkenny Moderator j which ran 
thus — ^^ An intimation has just reached us, from a quarter on 
which we can place the fhllest reliance, that the celebrated ama- 
teur performer, Mr. Lorrequer, may Portly be expected amongst 
us ; £rom the many accounts we have received of thiiS highly-gifted 
gentleman's powers, we anticipate a great treat to the lovers of the 
drama," &c. &c. "So you see, my dear Hal," continued Curzon, 
" thy vocation calls thee ; therefore come, and come quickly— pro- 
vide thyself with a black satin costume, slashed with light blue* — 
point lace collar and ruffles— a Spanish hat looped in front — ^and^ 



.^ 



1S8 C0II9S88I0V6 OF BABRT MRBSQUXX. 

^Ch^ise;'' but nothing could I see. The rain now fell in acloai 
torrents ; and a more nuserable night it is impossible to conceive. 

After about an hour so spent, he at last came to a check, so sud- 
den and unexpected on my part, that I was nearly precipitated, 
harlequin &shion, through the front widow. Perceiving that we 
no longer moved, and suspecting that some part of our tackle had 

E*ven away, I let down the sash, and cried out — ^^ Well now, my 
d,any thing wrong?'' My question was, however, unheard; 
and althouj^ amid the steam arising from the wet and smoking 
'horses, I could perceive several figures indistinctly moving about, 
I could not distmguish what they were doing, nor what they said. 
A laugh I certainly did hear, and heartily cursed the upfeeling 
wretdi as I supposed him to be, who was enjoying himself at my 
disappointment I again endeavored to find out what had hap* 
pened, and called out still louder than before. 

^ We are at Ra'coole, your honour," said the boy, approaching 
the door of the chaise, ^ and she's only beat us by hafe a mile." 

"< Who the devU is she?" said I. 

^ The mail, your honour, is always a female in Ireland." 

^ Then why do you stop now ? , You're not going to feed I sup-^ 
pose ?" 

^^Of course not, your honour, it's little feeding troubles th^e 
bastes, any how, but they teU me the road is so heavy we'll never 
take the chaise over the next stage without leaders." 

*^ Without leaders !" said I. ^' Pooh ! my good fellow, no hum- 
bugging ; four horses for a light post^aise and no luggage ; come 
get up, and no nonsense." At this moment a man approached the 
window with a lantern in his hand, and so strongly represented 
the dfeadful state of the roads from the late rains— the length of 
the stage — ^the frequency of accidents latterly from under-horsing, 
ftc,^, that I yielded a reluctant assent, and ordered out the lead- 
ers, comforting myself the while, that considering the inside fare 
of the coach, I made such efforts to overtake, was under a pound, 
and that time was no object to me, I certainly was paying some- 
what dearly for my character for resolution. 

At last we got under way once more, and set off cheered by a 
tremendous shout from at least a dozen persons, doubtless denizens 
of that interesting locality, amongst which I once again heard the 
laugh that hsul so much annoyed me already. The rain was fall- 
ing, if possible, more heavily than before, and had evidently set in 
for the entire night. Throwing myself back into a corner of the 
** leathern convenience," I gave myself up to the full enjoyment of 
the Rouchefoucauld maxim that there is always a pleasure felt in 
the misfortunes of even our best friends, and certainly experienced 
BO small comfort in my distress, by contrasting my present position 
With that of my two friends in the saddle, as they sweltered ou ^ 
through mud and mire, rain and storm. On we went, splashing, 
bumping, rocking and jolting, till I began at last to have serious 
.thoughts (d ftbdicMing the seat and betting ijayself ^o the bottom 



eOffFBSflOjrS OV HABBT I^R&Si^VSB. 13& 

of the chaise, for safety and protection. Mile after mile succeeded^ 
and as after many a short and fitful slumber, which my dreams 
gave an' apparent length to, I woke only to find myself still in pmr- 
suitr-the time seemed so enormously protracted, that I began to 
fancy my whole life was to be passed in tiie dark, in chase of the 
Kilkenny mail, ad we read in the true history of the flying Dutch* 
manj who, for his sins of impatience — ^like mine — spent centuries 
vainly endeavouring to double the Cape, or the Indian mariner ia 
Moore's beautiful ballad, of whom we are told as — 

" Many a day to night give way. 

And many a mom ancoeeded, 
Tm still his flight by day and night, 

That reatless mariner speeded." 

This might have been all very well in the tropics, with a smart 
craft and doubtless plenty of sea-store — ^but in a chaise, at night, 
and on the Naas rosui, I humbly suggest I had all the worse of the 
parallel. 

At last the altered sound of the wheels gave notice of our 
approach to a town, and after about twenty minutes' rattling over 
the pavement we entered, what I supposed correctly, to be Naas. 
Here I had long since determined my pursuit should cease. I had 
done enough, and more than enough, to vindicate my fame Against 
any charge of irresolution as to leaving Dublin, ana was beSiink- 
ing me of the various modes of prosecuting my journey on the 
morrow, when we drew up suddenly at the door of the Swan. 
The arrival of a chaise and four at a small country town inn, 
suggests to the various 6mpIojrte therein, anything, rather than 
the traveller in pursuit of the mail, and so the moment I arrived, 
I was assailed with innumerable proffers of horses, supper, bed, 
&c. My anxious query was thrice repeated in vain, " When did 
tihe coach pass ?" 

'< The mail," replied the landlord* at length. <^ Is ft the down 
mail?'' 

Not understanding the technical, I answered, <' Of course not the 
Down — ^the Kilkenny knd Cork mail ?" 

"From Dublin, sir?" 

"Yes, from Dublin." 

" Not arrived yet, sir, nor will it for three quarters of an hour; 
they never leave Dublin till a quarter past seven ; that is, in fact, 
half past, and their time here is twenty minutes to eleven." 

" Why, you stupid son of a boot-top, we have been posting on 
all night like the devil, and all this time the coach has been ten 
miles^behind us." 

" Wen, we've cotch them any how," said the urchin, as he dis- 
engaged himself from his wet saddle, and stood upon the ground; 
^* and it is not my fault that the coach is not before us." 

With a satismctory ana,thema upon all innkeepers, waiters, 
hostlers, and postboys, with a codicil including coach-proprietors^ 



i.£iUow.ed Iba saairkiti; laiidloni into m well4ightefl*i«oin, t»Mi« 
))ksBiqg fifie^ when bxvmg psAsred mippex, I booh tegaineA Wf 
lOtuaniiiiil^. 

My Jiasher .and ipowdied eggSi afl Naws aeeuM laffiitd iiB»,-wiiit 
iq^eedily despatched, and as anjr tet glassy ipom x^rm tpim of shongr , 
.wafi poui»d tOttty llie ioi^ *0i^oted eooffih dvew up. A «imuto 
jKter llie ooaobman entenad to 4ake Jiis dmBi;* foHonred %y 4te 

rxd; a^mone lamenlabLei^p^ctait^le of»o«nd)eB8Bdnaia^^ 
conceived ; Jtha mki fall #<mi tibe 'entiie ^dromifoMGe tif »fefe 
broad-brimmed hat, like the ever flowing drop froni it. . <!dge of an 
antique fountain; his dMb^^mt had beecmie c^a d .ep orange hue, 
while his hug« figure loeitted "Still larger, ns hestoci amid a nebula 
of damp that would have made an atmos|phere fur the Georgium 
Sidus. 

<^ Going mi itHoi^t^ sir ?'' said he, addressing fBOQ.^ ^^'mwem ?crea- 
tber, and no chance of its clearing, but of ^course you'se Inside." 

«< Why, thdle is ^fery iitih doubt of that," ^eaid I. << Am Qhw 
nearly full inside ?" 

*^ Only one, sir ; but .he sbgebb a o'eal .fueer dia^ ; ifiade £fty in- 
':quiries at the office if he could not have the whoie^side to hiBMel^ 
and when he heard that one piaoe had beea tak6n-^-*9!9ttiis» I ht^ 
lieva, sir — ^he seemed like a scalded bear." 

" You don^t know bis name then ?" 

'^No, sir, he never .g&ve a ^ame at the otffice, and his €»}y kig^ 
gage is two brown paper psurcels, without any tk.i^, and be hoM 
them inside ^ indeecl, he never lets them from him even ibr a 
second." 

.. Here .the guard^s horn, annouxicing all iready. i&lerrupti&g am 
<K)lloquy, arid prevented my karning any thiitj fUB^her of my- 
fellow-traveller, whoni, however^ I at once set down in my owa 
mind for some confounded old churl that made himself comfortabbl 
«very where, without ever thinking of any one else^s conve«ience» 

As I passed &om the inn* door to the coadi, I oi^oe more con- 
gratulated myself that I was about to be housed from the terryiie 
storm o^wind and rain that railed wilbout 

<^ Here's the step, sir," said the guard, '^get in, sir, twojniniAtee 
late already." * 

■< " I beg your pardon, sir," said I, as I half fell over the legs of 
lay unseen companion. ^^Mayl request leave to pass y49u?" 
'Wbile he made way for me for this purpose, I feroeived that ire 
stooped down towards the guard,, and said something, who from 
his answer had evidently been questioned as to who I was. ''And 
how did he get bere, if he took his place in DubliA ?" asked lbs 
luiknown. 

*' Game half an hour ^nce, six, in ^ ohaiise and feur^" said the 
guard, as he banged the dpor behmd him, and closed the interview* 

'« Whatever might have been the reasons «for my fellow-traveller's 
;uudety about my name and occiqmtioQ, I knew not, yet could not 
help ieeling ' grat&ed at thinking that as I iiad not ;given <my n 
^ me coach office, I was as great a puzzle to Kim as he to me. 



atiiM«N«w 9»'mmM9 m»— <«»;.- imi 



conversation. 

^< Mighty severe,^ taiM%< and haif cmMily/ iqrilad' tlie.un]Di«nm^ 
-vtti a riohnesd of biogue^ thtttmighl: have ataoNtfofiaiUitificate d£ 
ttE^tisHi) w Ccnifr or itB ^rionifijrt 

<< And a bad road too, sir/' said I, remearitefiB^iSf faftdlircGnm^ 

^That^ th* Feaaoa £ al^va^/ go araiBd^'' nid th» mdousiva^ 
clinkingat the same iiioueiil:8Dn]etfaiiig^liii» die* bai^ . 

W«mbriBig auBQfwtet aA his xeadineaa khiiiislblie mjr meimiiig^ 
I fflt dtoposed^tapdfop'awp fiiitfaer effort to dbaevhim/oiit, ami ^anw 
riha^ to^addiMMi'iB^tf tbaloep, aaoonifiiildM^ as J omidi 

««V» jist ttMbla-y^^tooIeaii. aff tllatr Uttia jaurori Aan^^air/' aaUt 
fae'y aeF he fKspktaedl fixrni ila paaition beenath: 019? elbcnr^aiie o£ t|]» 
paper packages the guard had already alluded to. 

In complying lailh thiasalliea graff jbibuhiIIj aaa^ (i£ aoyr packet 
pistols, which I carried in; my haaaat.poelMt, fiaHiQntiipoa'hiftkiiea^ 
upon which he immediately started, and asfaedi hiBnnayiy:<*<^^aiid 
aK&yen* aixnei too^?''' 

'< Wliy, T^si'^^ said I,^ laugMngly ;; ^ ataas o£ my taariha aridnar. giw 
MiiihMt soafieithing aithai kinek^ 

"Be gorra, I was just thinking that same/' said Aa MnnaUaiv^ 
w4th' at Imlf sigli. to/himaelfir 

Why he shouid^ o» ahftoid not I|.are liuiught ao^ P new taaubfaA; 
myself to canvass, and was once more settliug^ aoyarif inr my cm^ 
imty when^ > was- ataliod hf a fsgy mekmeiaohy grean^ wfiiak . 
seesie^to'com^fram ttl» botliom c^my eaatpaaiafi's fasaat; 
. ' ^ Ase ytoo ill, sir ?"* stUt I,. ia;a> voies. of sdne Bmxitbfi, 

^ Teu'ina^'say that^" npUad-he — ^^i£ yoiaknaw wlul^ yaa iwia a u - 
talking to — although may be you've heaal enoagb o£ ne^ Asmg^ 
you never saw me titt aow*'* 

« Wkhoa« havings tlwrt pkaaave ea^ yet^'^ flaM ly ^k wo«ld 
grieve me to fhink you should be ill iortbaicciaoh.'^ 

'"I^&y be* in might,*^ briefly replied tiia ufikoowiiy laitti a flptciea 
of meaning in his woida I erald not tbeiL aadevslamh. ^ JXik y«. 
never heair tell ef Bltniey Doyle?" said he. 

«^Not t» ray reeo*leetio»'* 

<<Then I'm Barney/' said he j '^that's in alL the nenaflpaqpara m 
the metfopoiia^ I'maeveatean^ipaaeksittJervisHrtraet bo9itaI,,aBd 
fburin'the LungAc, andliiedeiiit&haltevatfteEaU;. ]p8fii.miiitbaau.,. 
stranger, I'm tHftiking, or you'd know meaowt'^ 

^ Why" (da confess, FVeanly beeat » feiw^ houaii in. laelaiuL Ibr 
the last six momhs;'*' ' 

<* Ay, that's th^ reason y linear yoK woidd notibe ted of tra^* 
ling with me, if yoir knew who it wm;" 

^Why, really/' said I, beginning at Ae-raoment to fiutt'om soflM^ 
of the hints of my companion, << I did not uilkipate die pleaaase oC 
meeting you."' 

'^ It'd pleasure ye eaB it j Hren there's ao aeeouDlurf. fiar taatai^ai; 



Itt eovntsiova or hasit hOUMM^tjM^. 

Dr. Ckilles mM, when he saw me bite Cuaaek Rooney^s ttmatb 
oC'V 

<< Bite aniaa'e thumb off ?'^ said I, in aiiorror. 

<< Ay/' said he with a kind of fiendidi animation, ^ in one chop ; 
I wish you'd see how I scattered the consultation; begad diey 
didn't wait to ax for a fee." 

Upon my soul, a very pleasant vicinity, thought I, ^ And may 
I ask, sir," said I, in a very mild and soothing tone of voice, ^< may 
I ask the reason for this singular propenmty of yours ?" 

<^ There it is now, my dear," said he, laying his hand upon my 
knee familiarly, <^ that's just the very thing they can't make out ; . 
Colles says, it's all the ceribellum, ye see, that's inflamed and com* 
busted, and some of the others think it's the spine ; and more, the 
muscles ; but my real impresnon is, the devil a bit they know about 
it at all." 

^ And have they no name for the malady ?" said I. 

** sure enough they have a name for it." 

^ And, may I ask ^" 

^ Why, I think you'd better not, because ye see, may be I might 
be troublesome to ye in the nig^t, though I'll not, if I can help it, 
and it might be uncomfortable to you to be here if I was to get 
oneof the fits." 

« One of the fits ! Why it's not possible, sir," said I, « you would 
travel in a public conveyance in the state you mention ; your friends 
surely would not permit it ?" 

^ « Why, if they knew, perfiaps," slily responded the interesting 
invalid, <Mf they knew, they might not exactly likegt ; but ve see, 
I escaped only last night, and there'll be a fine hub-bub In the 
morning, when they find I'm off; though I'm thinking Rooney's 
barking away by this time," 

** Rooney barking, why, what does that mean ?" 

" They always bark for a day or two after they're bit, if the in- 
fection comes first from the dog." 

" You are surely not speaking of hydrophobia," said I, my hair 
actually bristling with horror and consternation. 

" Ay'nt I ?" replied he j " may be you've guessed it though." 

^ And have you the malady on you at present ?" said I, trem- 
bling for the answer. 

^< This is the ninth day since I took to biting,** said he gravely, 
perfectly unconscious as it appeared of the terror such information 
was calculated to convey. • 
• "And with such a propensity, sir, do you think yourself war- 
ranted in travelling in a public coach, exposing othets " 

*' You'd better ntt raise your voice that way," quietly responded 
he, " if Pm roused, it i'll be worse for ye, that's all." 

« Wellbut," said I, moderating my zeal, « is it exactly prudent, 
in your present delicate stsite, to undertake a jburney ?" 

" Ah," said he, with a sigh, " I've been longing to see the fox 
aounds throw off, near Kilkenny, these three weeks Pve been 



«dKir«imirt or mkikkt MlMMUftt. Ml 

tfaiidcHig of notfau^ else; but I'm not «iiib how my tmwm wSk 
stand the cry J I might be throubleaome." 4 

^ Upon my soul/' thought I, <^ I shall not select that morning fiur 
my debut in the field.'' 

<^ I hope^ sir^ Uiere's no river or water^K>ur8e on this road*— «ny 
thing else, I can^ I hope, control myself against ; but water'~*n»- 
aing water particularly*— makes me throublesome." 

Well knowing what he meant by the latter phrase, I felt the cokt 
perspiration settling on my forehead^ as I remembered that. we 
must be within about ten or twelye miles of Leighlin4mdge, where 
we should have to pass a very wide river. I strictly concealed this 
&ct from him, however, and gave him to understand that there 
was not a well, brook or rivulet, for forty miles 01^ either side of 
us. He now souk into a kind of moody silence, broken occasioii* 
ally by a low muttering noise, as if qieaking to himself— what this 
might port^, I knew not— but thought it better under^ll cinmm* 
stances, not to disturb him. How comfortable my present condi* 
tion was, I need scarcely remark — sitting via a vis to a lunatio, 
with a pair of pistols in his possesion— who had ahready avowed 
his consciousness of his tendency to do mischief, and his inabiU^ 
to nmster it ; all this in the dark, and in the narrow limits of a mail* 
coach, where there was scarcely room for defence, and no possi* 
bility of escape— how heartily I liirished myself back ip the coffee- 
room at Morrison^s, with my pocur friend Tom— the infernal chaiai 
that I cursed a hundred times, would have been an ^exbbange/^ 
better than into the Life Guards— ay, even the outside of the 
ooach|, if I could only reach it, would under present circumstances,' 
be a glorious alternative to my existing misfortune.. What were, 
rain sLnd storm and thunder and Hghtning, compared with the 
chances that awaited m$ here ? — ^wet through I should inevitably 
be, but then I had not yet contracted the horror of moisture my 
friend opporite labored under. << Ha ! what is that ? is it possible 
he can be asleep; is it* really a snore? Heaven g^rant that little^ 
snort be not what the medical people call a premonitory symptom 
—if so, he'U be in upon me now in no time. Ah, there it is again } 
he must be asleep sulrely ; now then is my time or never." With, 
these words, muttered to myself, and a heart throbbing almost 
audibly at the risk of his awakening, I slowly let down the 
window of the coach, and stretching forth my hand, turned' 
the handle cautiously and slowly; I next disengaged my legs, 
and by a long* continuous effort of creeping — which I had learn* 
ed perfectly once, when practising to go as a boa constrictor to 
a fancy ball — I withdrew myse& firom the seat and reached the 
step, when I muttered something very like a thank^iving to Pro 
vidence for my rescue. With little difficulty I now climbed up be 
side the guard, whose astonishment at my appearance was indeed 
considerable — that any man riiould prefer the out, to the inside of 
a coach, in such a nig^t was rather r^narkable : but that the per 
son so doing should be totally unprovided with a box^K^Qat, or other 



Mukur faotmAm^ argMd Mmetbinf vo Mmnqgt^ dMt I dMbt not, 
if he werq to decide upon the appIicaUUty of 4be statute of l|m«ejr 
to. « tmveilfi in tlw mail, the p^lm would eeitain)y hsme been 
awarded to me, and not to my late companionw Well, on we rolM> 
fnd iMorily as the ram povured down, so reliered did I feel set mj 
/chuga ikf position, that i soon fell list aeleep, sted narear w<Ae 
till the coach was driving up Patn(di«<etreeC. Whatever etdaee te 
Vf fediogs rqaehing the oiMlde of Ae ooadi ittight hare been at-- 
topdod with all night i the pleaeiue I e^q^rimced on awaking, woj^ 
MtHy nat unalloyed. More dead than alire, I sat a mass of wet 
dblhe% like notlung under heaWn except it be that nMxrsri of Maok 
esd spongy wet eotton at the bottcuu <tf a school-'bay^s ink botif^ 
aittUTated with rain, and the black dye of my coat My heit toe 
ImI oontributad its share of eolorieg aiatt<a:, atid«fleTerat long blaek 
liR&ha eourafid down my ^ widitkled fomd/* ff^ng me T«ry meoh 
thsaic of aa bdian warrior, who had geS the first pviming ef hit 
war paiai. I certainly must hapsre beea a mefnli object, weie^ I 
^inky to judge firensbthftfsoes of the waiters as Ihey^ gated oa roe 
whm the ooach drew up at Riee amt Waleb^ hotek Cold, we( 
^ttdi weary as I was, my omiesity ta leani> more of mf late.agree» 
able companion waa s^txmg as e^er within me^-^erhsqis etaxmgev^ 
£reiKD the sacrifices his acqaaiotaQoe had exacted from' nee.. A»^ 
fee^ baweyer, I had disengagiad mgiseif firom the pile eft tnmks 
and caipst bags I had sorixMmb&d m^siaif wiA'«<*-he had got e«t of 
ll^<Ma^,.and.aJl I eeuU catch a^ glimpse o£ was the back of a 
lilOe Aox^ m&a m a hind of g?a]r Uflper ceat, and long gailigaBhiae 
qithk lege. He: Qaieied hie Imdq bundtea isndec^ hia^ avnss and siep* 
pad nimbly up tto slnpaoflhe^hctfel, without e«n'tuixning;h^ 
meitbuEU^sidek 

<« Dlpa't fancgp you shall eicaipe.Hie! nam, my good fineiidv?'' I ortedr 
ont^ae I sftvimg frcuxi the mof tsu the geoiMid,. with 02ie jump, aivl 
hMiaedi srfter the yjeal wiknawn fohft^ tte^ eedfee^'reoaii By thei 
tmsk I seaohed. it he. hod s^eeached thalSre^ on the^taMene^si 
w^pW having dqi^Mtt^di tha miyalbevipue piqier- paroeH be Was mnm 
hwilj ee^gqdi in, div estiwg^ himself of. hie; great; ceaft.; hia &€«; vn» 
siH turned mm me^SQ tbatt I haditime^ to ^peai' empdeyedinidl^ 
'eeeling myeeikC el my* wet. diapery: hefore^he peeeei^ed sie ; at looii 
the^cfat waa unbuttoned, the: gaiisre foUowed, and diro wing' them* 
qsfetesisly oita chair^he tucked up. the skirts of his Ofuit, and 9pma/i^ 
inH bimmslfi eiBmfiHtefcly 0:J'^ngimise, he&ra tha fim, dispjaysd tfei 
m^ woedering aftd sti^fied:gaze, the pleeeaoit featuateaof BooHnt 
littuioaaek 

^Wtt^f. BoDtur^r^ftK^r Binucaoe/' ciied I^ ^ isi this. pomiUife ^ 
wwre ipeot tbeio^maUQP the^ inside in (he mail last mght^^' 

^ DefvaL a; donbt %i it^ Met ILoiivaqfaer ; and. may^ I maks' besld^ Ho 
anfe^weie yon the ou^ida i" 

^ IfhiHe whaly may Ibeg-te lownw, dsdiyeu meao' by your dwrnn^ 
8lM9if aboal;;Ba«ney Soyie^ and the hydflK)phel»a^ and Cusaek UoJ^ 
ngtfhLtbumh^eb?'^ . / 

/ 

/ 

J. 



0Q^n9»Qjf^9» 9A9^it ymMmmm. im 



i 



f 



%^ it was yfm t^t I dcovQ QUtsid« iD< nH thd* raik» kst.ni^ ^ O, 
it^ ^iD kin Father Malftthi. oul^igHit, Krith< kogbog,. irlMai» I -^ 
I)]!m ;'' and bQ burst out into a ^t of «i#irime«b th«t neaijif aidMoA 
Xtfc tb bfe^k hill bead wU^ the joher. 

'^'Am r «) uncleiit^d, th«i>,, J^lar^ FimoM«, UnA im pirsicikMl 
Me of youis vjvs. coqtrii^ed few:, »»* bettcfl^aud-foa th0.p3]i{Hm4if 
no^fflng ?7?e up ta tba ridwaile of swf qoirfanaid^ a©i|uiiisit»neeir.*' 

*< Nothing of the kmd^\qpcl4» H^ fxinnoi^iMie^^' said ffiii,.^fi%M» 
eyes, and endeavouring to look sorry and sentin^ental. <^ If I had 
only the least suspicion in life that it was you, upon my oath I'd 
not have bad the hydrophobia at allj^ and to tell you the truth, yott 
were not the only one frightened — ^you alarmed me devilishly 
too/' 

^ I alarmed you ! Why, h<HiiFf ostn. tito^ be ?" 

« Why, the real affair is this : I was bringing these two packages 
of notes down to, my couaiu. Callagfaan'» biaiik ii^ Ck)rk — fifteen 
thousand pounds—^devil a less; and when you came into the coach 
at Naasj after driving there with yopr four horses,.! thought it was 
dKup wirti me. Ttre guaid just whisp^ed in my eaj, that \m sa^wt 
fci€* af tfeje pfimmg of yuur pigtob brfbre gettiagin j and feitU 
id four palftrs, and a hail Maryj,before you'd eouat fiire^ Well, 
itfeeii^ y^» gttf seart«f, the thought came into my mind that maybe, 
bagHwayman ay you were, you would not like (fying a natm^ 
death, more particularly if you were an Irishman ;^ axtd so I trmnp- 
«i up that Icmg^ afbry about the hydrop^obia^i and tfie fentlemajtt'* 
tjha»b>, said d«vil knows what besides ^- and while I was teSin^ it» 
thm^ txM pe»q9iratiott wns rumYthg^ down my head and &oe, fts 
^P9mf time you stirred, E said to myself,^ now he'll do* it. Two <Mcr 
Ibree ttees^ dei-yra know, 7 was gping to ofier you ten ahSIing^ m 
Ae poHBc^ and spare mV life \ and bnce» God fbrgfve ma, I tbougfit 
ft w^inM Rolf Be a fasd plan tu lAeotyou by 'nadatake,' do yon peiK 
esav».'* ' 

*« Wfty, utnow my 8euI,.Pm i^ery much, obliged to you lor jom 
exeesBiT^ly kind intentions; feut i^&ally I fecf you have done quitai 
«o«^ for me on the prssenr oemsian* But,, come now, doctor, E 
must get Xfg bed, aund befbre I go, promise me two things— to d^ 
wkh Hs to dby at the mess, and not td mention a syllable of wbat» 
cieciirred bse night— it telte, believe me, very badTy for both;, so, 
keep the iteeret, for tf these confounded fbllaws of ours ever get 
hold of it, I may sell out>or quit the army : HI never hear-t&e m& 
ofitI« 

^ Never ftar, my boy ; frost me. PB dine with you, and ycmte 
as safe as a ditmh-mouse for any thing Pll tell them; so, new 
you'd better change your clothes, for I'm thinking it rained last 
night'" • . 

Muttering some very dubious blessings upon the learned Fin, f 
lefl? the room, infinitely more chagrined, and chop-iallen at the dis^ 
covery I had noiade, than at all the misery and exposure the trick 
18^ T . 



bad Goniigndd me to ; « however,'* thought I, " if the doctor kem 
his word, all goes well : the whole affair is between us both solely ; 
but, shoidd it not be so, I may shoot half the me^ before the other 
half would givd up quizzing me.'* Revolving such pleasant 
thoughts, I betook myself to bed, and what with mulled port, 
smd a biasing fire, became once more conscious of being a warm- 
bbodad animal, and fell sound asleep, to dream of doctors, strait 
waiiteoBts, shaved heads, and all the pleasing associations my late 
iCcm^Muiion's narrative so readily suggested. 



CHAPTER XV, 

MEMS. OF THE WORTH COKK. 

At six o'clock I had the pleasure of presenting the worthy 000* 
tor Finucane to our mess, taking at the same time an opportunity 
unobserved by him, to inform three or four of my brother ofKcers 
that my friend was really a character, abounding in native drollery, 
and richer in good stories than even the generality of his coun- 
trymen. 

Nothing could possibly go on better than thcearly part of the 
evening. Fin, true to his promise, never once alluded to what I 
could plainly perceive was ever uppermost in his mind, and what 
with his fund of humour, qiiaintness of expression, a^d quickness at 
reply, garnished throughout by his most mellifluous brogue, the* 
true ^^Bocca Corkana," kept us from one roar of laughter to 
another. It was just at the moment in which his spirits seemed at 
their highest, that I had the misfortune to call uppn him for a story, 
which his cousin Father Malachi had alluded to on the ever-me- 
morable evening at his house, and which I had a great desire to 
hear from Fin's own lips. He seemed disposed to escape telling it, 
and upon my continuing to press my request, drily remarked, 

" You forget, surely, my dear Mr. Lorrequer, the weak condi- 
tion I'm in ; and these gentlemen here, they don't know what a 
severe illness Pm been labouring under lately, or they would not 
pass the decanter so fredy down this quarter." 

I had barely time to throw a mingled look of entreaty and menace 
across the table, when half-a-dozen others rightly judging from the 
doctor's tone and serio-comic expression, that his malady had many 
more symptoms of fun than suffering about it, called out together — 

^^0, doctor, by all means, tell us the nature of your late attack; 
prajf- relate it." ^ 

" Wife Mr. Lorrequej's permission Pm your slave, gentlemen," 
said Fin, finishing off his glass. 

^ 0, as for me," I cried, «* Dr. Finucane has my full permission 



t 



io detail wbatereT be pleases to thank a fit sal^lect &r ywf 

amusement/' 

^' Come, then, doctor, Harry has no objection you see ; so out ' 
with it, and we are all prepared to sympathise with your woes and 
misfortunes, whatever they be." 

^< Well, I am sure, I never could think of mentioning it without 
his leave; but now that he sees no objection-^-^^Eh, do you 
though ? if so, then, don't be winking and making &Ges at me ; but 
say the word^ and devil a syllable of it Pll tell toman (»r mortal." 

The latter part of this delectable speech was addressed to me 
across the table, in a species of stage whisper, iiv^reply to some 
telegraphic signals I had been throwing him, to induce him to turn 
the conversation into any other channel. 

<' Then, that's enough," continued he sotio poce-^^' I see you'd 
rather I'd not tell it." 

<^Tell it and be d d," said I, wearied by the incorrigible 

pertinacity with which the villain assailed me. My most une^T 
pected energy threw the whole table into a roar, at the condusion 
of which Fin began his narrative of the mail-coach adventure. 

I need not tell my reader, who has followed me throughout in 
liiese my Confessions, that such a story lost nothing of its absurd- 
ity, when entrusted to the doctor's power of narration ; he dwelt 
with a poet's feeling upon the description of his own sufferings, 
and my sincere condolence and commiseration ; he touched' with 
^e utmost delicacy Upon the distant hints by which he broke die 
news to me ; but when he came to describe my open and undis* 
guised terror, and my secret and precipitate retreat to the roof of 
the coach^there was not a man at the table that was not convulsed 
with laughter — and shall I acknowledge it, even I myself was 
unable to withstand the effect, and joined in the general chorus 
against myself. 

« Well," said the remorseless wretch, as he finished his story, 
'* if ye haven't the hard hearts to laugh at such a melancholy sub- 
ject. May be, however, you're not so cruel after all — there's a toast 
for you, * a speedy recovery to Cusack Rooney.' " sThis was 
drank amid renewed peals, with all the honours ; and I had abun- 
dant time before the uproar was over, to wish every man of thenv 
hanged. It was to no purpose that I endeavoured to turn the 
tables, by describing Fin's terror at my supposed resemblance to a 
highwayman — his story had the precedence, and I met nothing 
dmring my recital but sly illusions to mad dogs, muzzles, and doc- 
tors; and contemptible puns were let off on every «ide at my> 
expense. 

« It's little shame I take to myself for the mistake, any how,"^ 
said Fin, ^' for, putting the darkness of the night out of the question, 
I'm not so sure I would not have ugly suspicions of you by day- 
light." 

<<And besides, doctor," added I, *^it would not be your first 
blunder in the dark." ' 



i46 CbHMySsitJlW W fiAft»i- lOBHiB^TmB. 

• ^'Trte for you, Mn Loitequer/^satid' he, gooffAtmwfecHy ; *and 
now that I have told them your story, I don't care if they hear 
Ittlhe, though may be aome of ye have heard' it ahreardy*— it's pretty 
well kncrwn in the Nbrthr Gbrk/* 

We all gave our disclaimers on tfiis point, atnd hai^ig* ordered 
in a fresh cooper of port, disposed ourselves iir our most easy atti- 
tttdfes, while- the dbctor proceeded as follows :— 

^ It wa« in tlM hatd wintsr of the year --#^, that^ we* we» 
quartered ih Mkyilootti, a» many said fop owr sift*— for a to«» 
stupid place, tfte Lord be merciftit to i*, never "«tere^ men con- 
dbmned' to. Tile people at the college w^e mueh better off liifiit 
us*— tl^ey had whatever was* to be got ih tfee cowitry, anil nev^ 
were, disturbed by mounting guard, or nigfct pafipote. Many of 
Aa professors were goo* fellows, that liked- grog fully aa well as 
Greek, and understood short whist, and five and tett* quite a^ isfli^ 
ma,te}f as they knew the vulgatej orthe coirfessioHs of Sfe AugUs- 
iStte — they made no ostentatious dispiay of tiieir pious zeaf, but 
whenever they were not fasting, or prayings or siwnetfcing of fitall 
kind, they were always pleasant and' agreeaMe ; and to^ d(»- ^em* 
jbstice, never refosed, by any chance, an inv?ta*ion to diniier— no 
Xttatter at what inconvenience. WeB, even this littte solaca in OfW' 
affliction we soon lost, by an unfortunate mistake of that Orangei 
logue of the world. Major Jones, that gave a wrong pass oner 
iright— Mr. Lorrequer knows the story, Chore he alluded to a* 
adventure detailed in an early chapter of my Confes8ioiiB)-^-aa(d 
from' that day forward we never saw the pleasant feces of !#» 
Jiibb6 D*Array, or the Professor of the Humanities, al the mem. 
IWell, the only thmg I could doj was just to taie an ojf^ortuaity 
fsh drop in at the College in the evening, where we had a quiet' 
iwbber of whist, and a little social and- intellectual eonv^rsalioUy 
with may be an oyster and a glass of punch, just tO' spaisoii i^- 
iBihg, before we separated; all done discreetly and quiellyc— no 
touting nor even singing, for the * superior' had a- prejudice afhouC" 
j^rofane songs. Well, one of those nights it was, about the fyst 
week in February, I was detained by stress of weather from eleveS' 
O^eteck, when we usually bade good-night, to^ past twelve, aad 
tftefl'to one o'clock, waiting for a dry moment to* get honw to Hw- 
ISfarradts^a good mile and a half off. EVery time old PlMtSiet- 
Mahony went to look at the weather, he came back sayings * IIPS^ 
w^rse it^s getting; such a night of rain, glory be to God, i!e\»er 
was seen.' So there was no good in goiAg out to be drenched id- 
tfte-skin, and I saj quietJy waitings taking between times a KUte 
punch, just not to seem impatient, nor distress their rev'ipancea 
At last it struck two, and I thought — < well, the decanter is empty 
wow, and 1 think, if I mean to walk, P've taken enough for ^le 
present;' so wishing them all manner of hafppiness, and pleasant 
dreams, I stumbled my way down stairs, and set out on my jour- 
xtey. I was' always in the habit of taking a short cut on my way 
home, across the < ^rt na brocha/ the priest's meadows^ as tfiey 



dUKMNmm M MAunsr ^xmmmmmtu dm 



daH iJwm, it sawd neserly a %alf m mi)©, nbhoogh <)n fin _ 
eecasHHi, it exposed fmt vpeSulAy Xo the rain, ftor thore tnras/iMyihing 
to H*(eiter agttinst <he *ntke tray, nbt even a tree. WeJl, out I «i^ 
ift tt half tnot, fm* f staid fio late I was 'pi^essod for time ^^eskkas I 
^ it eit£iver %o nan than walk ; I\n Mte I casi't tall mJay^ onay be 
the dyop ef irink I l!e<^ ^ot imo my head. Wedi, I was jost jagt" 
^n en across 'the ^t^omnaon ; the ram b6«ting htatA in my&oB^ mud 
mf ieimh^ pasted to me ^ith the (w^^ nottriltiateBdiag, I Y«r«Bi 
inmfiAgto myseflf % T^rse of ati oM sooi^to lighten (the toad, nrhoai 
lliefflid dtiddei^ty a ttoisenear me, like ft ttnai sneiifcing, I.slQ^|iet 
and listened— in fact it was impossible to see yourdiaiid, the niglil 
mw^o 4te¥l{^bt:rt 1 ^6tM h«far BCrtHxhig ; the theugfal th^ <»Ane 
*rej me, may bfe it's igomethmg ^ti(ft good,' foe ibere wisreTmiy 
ugly stories going about what the priests used to do formerly m 
these meadows; and bones were often fomid hii difleMOt patts of 
Ikfiem. Jviet as I wtts thinking thia^ aiseirticKt voioe came tiobaarer 
than tlyelast ; it might be t3nly a fineeae, after ^11 ; bm in iseal earn- 
est it was mighty like a groan. < The Lord be about ms,^ I said, 
to myself, ^what*s this?— have ye the pass?' Idiedout'bave 
yt5 ttie pass ? or what brings ye walking here in nomine pairi ?» for 
i wus SO tsonftised whether it was a <i9petit'er not, I was g<Hng «6 
address him in Latin-^there's nething eg[ual to the dead langnagcia 
to lay a ghost,' erery body knows. Faifh the moment I said these 
words he gave another groan, deeper and mofe melaaicboly like 
Iftian befere. ' ^i{ it*s tmeasy ye are,' says I, * for «ny n^iieot erf 
your friends,' for I fliougbt he might be in- purgatory Jonger than 
lie thonglrt convenient, < tell me what yon wish, amd g^ home peace- 
ably out of the Tain, for this weather can do no good to Irring or 
dead', go home,' said I, * and, if it's masses yeM like, Pll give yoa 
h day's pay mypelf, rather than you should fret yourself this way.;* 
The words were not well out of my mouth, when he came so near 
me that tlie sigh he gave went right through both my ears; Mhe 
Lord be merciful to me,' said I, trembling.' <Amen/ saya h% 
'whether you're joking or not.' The moment lie said tiaat waif 
takii was relieved, for I knew it was not a sperit, aad I began to 
btigh heartily at my mistake ; * and who are ye at all ?' said I, 
*that*s roving about, at this hour of the night, ye can't be Father 
•Luke, for I left him asleep on the carpet before I quitted the col- 
lege, and fttitb, my friend, if you had'nt the tadte for devaraian y^ 
would wot be out now ?' He coughed then «o hard that I could not 
make am well what he said, but just peroeived that he had lost his 
way on the common, and was a little disguised in liquor. < It'a a 
■good man's case,' said I,<to take a little too much, though it's M^nt 
I don't <fver do myself 5 «o, take hold of my haoad, aad I'll see y<A 
-eafe.^ T stretched t)ut my haird, and get him Jnot 'by the arm, ae I 
hoped ; but by the hair of the head, for he was all dripping with 
wet, and had lost his hat. * Well, you'll not be better of this mg^^s 
-catofifftton, thought I, * if y^ are liabte to the ttietmiatism ; and, now, 
^rthereabotitsdo you live, my friend, fw ril aee you safe before I 

13* 



156 ooiryxanQiitf. op mabxt lobes^ito* 

kare you ?' Whal he said then t never C091M clearly make <M, 
for the wind and rain were bothibeating so hard against my &ce 
Aat I could pot hear a word ; however^ I was able just to perceiye 
that he was yery much disguised in drink, and spoke rathe^r thick. 
< Well, never mmd,' said I, ' it's not a^time of day for much con- 
versation ; so, come along, and I'll see you safe in the guard-house ; 
if you can't remember your own place of abode in the mean* 
while.' It was just at that moment I said this that I first discbv* 
ered he was not a gentleman. Well, now you'd never guess how 
I did it ; and, £aiith I always thought it a very cute thing of me, and 
both of US' in the dark." 

^ Well, I really confess it must have been a very difficult thing, 
tmder the circumstances ; pray how did you contrive ?" said Ibe 
major. 

'< Just g\jtea8 how." 

^ By the tone of his voice perhaps, and his accent," said Curzon. 

*^ Devil a oit ; for he spoke remarkably well, considering how fitr 
gone he was in liquor." 

" Well, probably by the touch of his hand ; no bad test." 

'< No ; you're wrong again, for it was by the hair I had a hold of 
him for fear of falling, for he was always stooping down. Well, 
you'd never guess it ; it was just by the touch of his foot." 

« His foot ! Why how did that give you any information ?" 

<< There it is now, that's just what only an Irishman would ever 
have made any thing out of; for while he was stumbling about, he 
happened to tread upon my toes, and never, since I was bom, did 
I feel any thing like the weight of him. 'Well,' said I, nhe loss 
of your hat may give you a cold, my friend; but upon my con- 
science you are in no danger of wet feet with such a pair of strong 
brogues as you have on you.' Well, he laughed at that till I 
ihougbt he'd split his sides, and, m good truth, I could not help 
joining in the fun, although my foot was smarting like mad, and 
so we jogged along through the rain, enjoying the joke just as if 
we were sitting by a good fire, with a jorum of punch between us. 
I am sure I can't tell you how often we fell that night, but my 
clothes the next morning were absolutely covered with mud, and 
my hat crushed in two ; for he was so confoi^ndedly drunk it was 
impossible to keep him up, and he always kept boring along with 
his head down, so that my he^rt was almost broke in keeping him 
upon his legs. I'm sure I never had a more fatiguing march in 
the whole Peninsula, than that blessed mile and a half; but every 
misfortune has an end at last, and it was four o'clock, striking by 
the college clock, as we reached the barracks. After knocking & 
couple of times, and giving the countersign, the sentry opened the 
small wicket, and my heart actually leaped with joy that I had 
done with my friend ; so, I just called out the sergeant of the guard, 
and said, will you put that poor fellow on the guard-bed till morn- 
. ing, for I found him on the common, and he could neither find his 
way home nor tell me where he lived.' < And where is he ?' said 



covwj^mom ov mauwx j^nns^vm^. \ 151 

Uie s^eaat. 'He's oatside the gSiXe thore/ said l, ^wet to the 
dda> and ^akiug as if he had the agtie/ < And is this him?' said 
the Serjeant as we went outside. ' It is,' said I, ' maybe you know 
him ?' ' Maybe I've a gue&s/ said he, bursting into, a fit of laugh- 
ing, that I thought he'd choke witk < Well, Serjeant,' said I, * I 
always took you for a humane man; but if that's the way yoa 
treat a fellow-creature in distress^' ' A fellow-creature,' said he^ 
laughing louder than before. <Ay, a fellow-careature,' said I— » 
for the Serjeant was an orangemah^ — ^'and if he differs from you 
in matters of religion, sure he's your fellow-creature ^ilL' < Troths 
doctor, I think there's another trifling difference betune us,' said 
he. * Damn your politics,' said I ; ' never let them interfere with 
triie humanity.' Wasn't I right. Major? < Take good car^ of 
him, and here's half-a-crown for ye.' So saying these words, I 
steered along by the barrack wall, and, after a little groping 
about, got up stairs to my quarters, when, thanks to a natulrally 
good constitution, and regular habits of life, I soon fell wt 
asleep." , 

When the doctor had said thus .much, he pushed his chair 
slightly from the table, and, taking off his wine, looked about him 
with ike composure of a man who has brought his tale to a terau* 
nation. v 

'< Well, hut doctor/' said the Major, << you are surely not done. 
You have not yet told us who your interesting friend turned out 
to be." 

^ That's the very tl;iing, then, I'm not able to do." 
<* But, of course," said another, « your story does not end there.** 
**And where the devil would you have it end?" replied he, 
^ Bid'nt I bring my hero home, and go arieep afterwards myseli^ 
and then, with virtue rewarded ; how could I finish it better. 

^< 0, of course ; but still you have not accounted for a principal 
eharacter in tb^ narrative," said I. 

"Exactly so," said Curzon. «We were all expecting some 
cqplendid catastrophe in the morning ; that your con^anion turned 
out to be the Duke of Iieinster,at least-— or perhaps a jrebel general, 
with an immense price upon his head." 
^ Neither the one jaor the other," said Fin, drily. 
" And do you mean to say there never was any clue to the di»>. 
covery of him ?" 

" The entire ai&ir is trapped in mystery to this hour," said he^ 
" There was a joke^about it, to be sure among the officers ; but the 
North Cork never wanted something to laugh at." 
« And what was the joke ?'' said several voices together. 
<< Just a complaint from old Mickey Oulahan, the postmaster, to 
the colonel in the mpming, that some of the officers took away his 
blind mare off the common, and that the letters were late in cons^ 
quence." 
. "And so, doctor," called out seven or ^ight, **your friend turned 

outtobe-t^" 
• ■ ■ 



USB twnt$8tmm 0r vaiat i^bftue^uss. 

^< ffpon my cMseieaoe^th^ mid so^ «iid Hiat »i6cal, Ihe tseljemty 
•wmldttiketdB^ath of it; tf«t my dtm teii^osiskm FA M¥^ A»^ 
ttoM u the lioiir of oif detfdk*' 



CHAPTJCR XVI. 



Om steimettl <h6 m^jtt IJhat ni^ was a late one, for cifter*^li9 
im/i d!hc«iMd iM)M» coopers of dat^it, 'ftrore wtiis a Teiy geneml 
IpttMic fe«^g m fkvour «Kf a Uhiiled bono and somo fterillod ItM- 
«i0j;9, fbIl#M^^«.Terf ampl^ bo^ of biahop, ov^r which simpte 
lootidimenits <we tolked <<groen ¥Oom'^ Yfll near the tnr«ak f^f day. 

From having been so long away from the corps I had much ^ 
tuavti of tl^ <dtoing6 atut intetitions lio do, attd heard with much 
(ploa8iire»that theypodBeistfed an^xoeedm^iiaAdsome theatre, w^l 
itofdkted with scenery, ^dressee, and decomtions ; that Hhey were at 
the pinnacle of public estimation, from what they had already M- 
<oompli6hed, and calefutated on the result of my appearance to 
i««)Wn them Willi hono«r. I had indeed very little choice left me In 
the matter; for not only had they booked me for a particular parft, 
but bills were already in circulation, and sundry little three corner- 
ed Drotes enveloping theito were sent to the eKte of the surrounding 
*O0ufttry, setting forth that « on Friday evening the committee of 
the garrison theatricals, intending to perform a dress rehearsal of 
the "Family party,'* request the pleasure of Mr. — —and Mrs. 

■* *s Company on the occasion- Mr. LoTrequer will undertake 

the part of Captaii; Beaugarde. Supper at twelve. An anstwtr 
^W oblige.'' 

The Bight of one of these pleasant little epi^es, of wtiidi the 
'foregoing vs a true copy — was presented to me as a great favour that 
evening, it having been agreed upon that I was to know nothing 
of their high and mighty resolves till the following morning. It 
. was to little purpose that I assured them all, coltectively and indi 
vidually, that of Captain Beaugarde I absolutely knew Aottiiug^ 
--*had neJC^er read the piece— *nor even seen it 'perfbrmed. I felt 
too,<toat my last appeattwice in dharaoter in ^ « Family Pafty,*' 
was any thing but suoeessfal ; and I trembled, lest in me discus- 
sion of the subject, iK^me ^confounded allusion to my adventure at ^ 
43heleenham might come out. Happily they seemed alt ignotant 
of tliis; and fearing to bring conversation in any way to the m:at- 
«0r of Boy late travds, I fell in with their humour, and agreed if it 
were possible, in the limited time allowed me to manage it*^^[9lttd 
hnt fcnjEC dai^-^I should undertake tbe4sbat«eter. My coneu^^hce 
faUed to give the full satisfaction I had ezpecte^^and theyao hablMh 



, ally did what they pleased with me^ that, like all men, so disposed, 
I never got the credit for concessioa which a man more niggard^ 
of his services may always command. 

" To be sure you will do it, Harry," said the major, *^ why nol? 
I could learn the thing myself in a Couple of hours, as for that." 

Now, be it known that the aforesaid Major was so incorrigibly 
dow of study, and dull of comprehension, that he had been suc- 
cessively degraded at our theatrical board from the delivering of a 
^tage message to the office of check-taker. 

'^ He's 80 devilish good in the love scene," said the junior endgt. 
With the white eye-brows, " I say, Gurzon, you'll be confoundedly 
, jealous though, for he is to play with Fanny." 

" I rather think not," said Curzon, who was a little tipsy. 

^ 0, yes," said Frazer, ^^ Hepton is right. Lorrequer has Fauy 
for his ^ Frou ;' and, upon my soul, I should feel tempted to take 
the part myself upon the same terms ; though I verily believie I 
should forget I was acting, and make fierce love to her on the 
stage." 

^ And who may la charmante Fanny be ?" said I, with sonM- 
^tbing of the air of the " Dey of Algiers" in my tone. 

"Let Curzon tell him," said several voices together; "he is tbs 
only man. to do justice to such perfection." 

" Quiz away, my merry men," said Curzon ; " all I know is, that 
you are a confoundedly envious set of fellows; and if so lovely ft 
girl had thrown her eyes on one amongst you " 

"mp! hip! hurrah?" said old Fitzgerald; " Curzon is a gone 
man. He'll be off to the palace for a Ucense some fine morniis^g^ 
or 1 know nothing of such matters.'* 

" Well, Bat,*' said I, " if matters are really as you all say, whf 
does not Curzon take the part you destine for me ?" 

** We dare not trust him," said the major ; " Lord bless yoi, 
when the call-boy would sing out for Captain Beaugarde in the •&- 
cond act, we^d find that he had Levanted with our best slasMl 
trowsers, and a bird of paradise feather in his cap." 

"Well," thought I, " this is better at least than I anticipated, &r 
if nothing else offers, I shall have rare fun teasing my friend Cba9* 
ley" — for it was evident that he had been caught by the lady ill 
question. 

" And so you'll stay with us ; give me your hand — ^you are a 
real trump." These words, which proceeded from a voice at die 
lower end of the table, wel'e addressed to my friend Finucane. 

" rU stay with ye, upon my conscience," said Fin ; " ye have a 
most seductive way about ye ; and a very superior taste in saiik 
punch," ' . 

"But, doctor,'* said I, "you must not be a drone in the hive^ 
what will ye do for us? You should be a capital Sir LuciU6 
O'Trigger, if we could get up the Rivals." 
' " My forte is the drum— the big drum ; put me among whai dM 
OieelcB call the ^ Mousikoi^' and I'll astonMi ye.'' 



*1M MvrsssioNs or iiabbt lobrxquxk. 

It was at onoe agreed that Fin should follow the bent of his 
"genius ; and after some other arrangements for the rest of the party 
we separated for the night, havmg previously toasted the << Fanny/' 
to which Curzon attempted to reply, but sank, overpowered by 
punch and feelings, and looked unutterable things, without the 
power to frame a sentence. * 

During the time which intervened between the dinner and the 
'night appointed for our rehearsal, I had more business upon my 
hands than a Chancellor of the Exchequer the week of the budget 
being produced. The whole management of every department 
fell, as usual, to my shdtre, and all those who, previously to my 
arriyal, had contributed their quota of labour, did nothing whatever 
now but lounge about the stage, or sit half the day in the orchestra^ 
listening to some confounded story of Finucane's, who contrived 
to have an everlasting mob of actors, scene-painters, fiddlers and 
-call-boys always about him, who, from their uproarious mirth, and 
-repeated shouts of merriment, nearly drove me distracted, as I 
stood almost alone and unassisted in the whole management Of 
la belle Fanny, all I learned was, that she was a professional 
actress of very considerable talent, and extremely pretty ; that 
Curzon had fallen desperately in love with her the only night she 
had appeared on the boards there, and that to avoid his absurd 
persecution of her, she had determined not to come into town 
"until the morning of the rehearsal, she being at that time on a 
visit to the house of a country gentleman in the neighbourhood* 
Here was a new difficulty I had to contend with— to go through 
my part alone was out of the question to making it effective ] and 
I felt so worried and harassed that I often fairly resolved on 
taking the wings of the mail, and flying away to the uttermost 
parts of the south of Ireland, till all was still and tranquil again. 
JBy degrees, however, I got matters into better train, and by get- 
^g over our rehearsal early before Fin appeared, as he usually 
fllept somewhat later after his night at mess, I managed to have 
things in something like order ; he and his confounded drum, which, 
•"whenever he was not story-telling, he was sure to be practising on 
iMsing, in fact, the greatest difficulties opposed to my managerial 
functions. One property he possessed, so totally at variance with 
all habits of order, that it completely baffled me. So numerous 
were his narratives, that no occasion could possibly arise, no 
^ance expression be let fall* on the stage, but Fin had something 
he deemed apropos, and which, sans fagon, he at once related for 
4he^ benefit of all whom it might concern ; that was usually the 
•entire corps dramatique, who eagerly turned from stage directions 
and groupings, to laugh at his ridiculous jests. I shall give an 
instance of this habit of interruption, and let the unhappy wight 
^ho has filled such an office as mine pity my woes. 

I was standing one morning on the stage drilling my " corps" as 
'Usual. One most refractory spirit, to whom but a few words were 
entrusted, and who bungled even those, I was endeavouring to train 
into something like his part. 



\ » e01Y7BSSI09S 07 BABRT lORREQITElt. 155 

^ Come now, Elsmore, try it again-— just so. Yes, come forwaid 
in this manner — take her hand tenderly — ^press it to your lips ; re* 
treat towards the fiat, and then bowing deferentially — thus say, 
^ Good night, good night' — that's very simple, eh ! Well, now,. 
Aat's all you have to do, and that brings you over here — ^so yoi^ 
make your exit at once/' 

** Exactly so, Mr. Elsmore, always contrive to be near the door 
mider such circumstances. That was the way with my poor friend, 
Curran. Poor Philpot, when he dined with the Guild of Mer- 
chant Tailors, they gave him a gold box with, their arms upon it 
— ^a goose proper, with needles saltier wise, or something of that 
kind ; and they made him free of their * ancient and loyal corpora- 
tion,' and gave him a very grand dinner. Well, Curran wa« 
mighty pleasant and agreeable, and kept them laughing all night, 
till the moment he arose to go away, and then he told them that he 
never spent so happy an evening, and all that. < But, gentlemen,'^ 
said be, <1t)usiness has its calls, I must tear myself away ; so wishiny 
you now' — ^there were just eighteen of them — ^ wishing you now 
every happiness and prosperity, permit me to take my leave, — 
and here he stole near the dooj: — * to take my leave and bid you 
both good night.' " With a running fire- of such stories, it may 
be supposed how difficult was my task in getting any thing done 
upon the stage. 

Well, at last the long expected Friday arrived, and I arose in the 
morning with all that peculiar tourbillon of spirits that a man fbeis 
when he is half pleased and whole frightened with the labor before 
him. I had scarcely accomplished dressing when a servant tapped 
afmy door, and begged to know if I could spare a few moments 
t(^ speak to Miss Ersler, who was in the drawing-room. I replied, 
of course in the affirmative, and rightly conjecturing that my fair 
fiiend must be the lovely Fanny already alluded to, followed the 
ilervant down stairs. 

'< Mr. Lorrequer, said the servant, and closing the door behind 
me, left me in sole possession of the lady. 

<* Will you do me the farvor to sit here, Mr. Lorrequer," said one 
of the sweetest voices in the world, as she made room for me on 
the sofa beside her. '* I am particularly short-sighted ; so pray sit 
near me, as I really cannot tdk to any one I don't see." 

I blundered out some platitude of a compliment to her eyes— - 
the fullest and most lovely blue that ever man gazed into— at 
which she smiled as if pleased, and continued, " Now, Mr. Ix>rre- 
qiier, I have really been longjng for your coming ; for your friends 
of the 4— th are' doubtless very dashing, spirited young gentlemen, 
perfectly versed in war's alarms; but pardon me if I say that a 
more wretched company of strolling wretches never graced a barn. 
^ New, come, don't be angry, but let me proceed. Like all amateur 
people they have the happy knack in distributing the characters — 
to put every man in his most unsuitable position— and then that 
poor dear thing Curzon-^I hope he's not a friend of yours — ^by 



iSfi ' C0XFJSS8X0NS OX! RAJKfpT LOJUUK^QW* 

f 

€om& dire fatality always plays the lover's partSj^ha ! ba ! ha ! ^Fme, 
I assure you^ so that if you had not been announced as comil^ 
this week, I should have left them and gone off to Bath." 

Here sdie rose and adjusted her brown ringlets at the glassy 
jpving me ample time to admire one of the most perfect figures I 
ever beheld. She was most becomingly dressed, and betray^ 
A foot and ancle which for symmetry and " cbatisgure" might have 
challenged the Rue Rivoli itself to match it. 

My first thought was poor Curzon; my second, happy ani 

• Ihrice fortunace Harry Lorrequer, There was no time, bowevar^ 

ibx indulgence in such very pardonable gratulation ; so I at once 

proceeded '^ pour /aire Vaimablty^ to profess my utter inability tt 

00 justice to her undoubted talents,, but slyly added, that in the 
love making part of the matter she should never be able to dis(»>yer 
that I was not in earnest. We then chatted gaily for upwards iA 
a^ hour, until the arrival of her friend's carriage was ajQnoanoed» 
when,, tendering me most graciously her hand, she smiledpbenigulyi 
and saying, " au revoire doncP drove off. 

As I stood upon the steps of the hotel, viewing her ^^ out of the 
visible horizon,", I was joined by Curzon, who evidently, from his 
^If-satisfied air, and jaunty gait, Uttle knew how he stood in the 
,fair Fanny's estimation. 

" Very pretty, very pretty indeed, deeper and deeper stUl/'-^ 
cried he, alluding to my most courteous' salutation as the carriage 
xounded the corner, and its lovely occupant kissed her hand onc^ 
more. " I say, Harry my friend, you don't think that was meaitf 
for you, I should hopie ?" 

« What ! the kiss of the hand ? Yes, faith, but I da'' 
^^ Well, certainly, that is good ! why, man, she just saw me coB^ 
ing up that instant. She and I — vre understand eaih other,— never 
^nd^ doa't be cross — ^no fault of yours^ you know." 

" Ah, so she is taken with you," said I, ** Eh Charley ?" n 

^* Why, I believe that, I may confess to you the real state of 
matters. She was devilishly struck with me the first time we x»r 
lieavsed together. We soon got up a Uttle flirtation ; but the other 
sight when I played Mirabel to her, it finished the affair. She 
was quite nervous, and could scarcely go through with her part 

1 saw it, and upon my soul I am sorry for it ; she's a prodigiously 
jfine girl — ^such lips and such teeth ! Egad I was delighted when 
you came ; for, vou see, I was in a manner, obliged to take one line 
m character, and I saw pretty plainly where it must end ; and you 
know with you it's quite different, she'll laugh and chat/ and all 
thai sort of thing, but she'll not be carried away by her feelings; 
ygu imderstand me !" 

** 0, perfectly : it's quite indifferent as you observed." 

If I bad not been supported internally during this short dialogue 

oy the recently expressed opinion of the dear Fanny herself upon 

imr friend Curzon's merits, I think I should have been tempted to 

iake the lihexty of wringing his neck off. However^ the a£Eur was 



/ 

nHUdi iNMter M M slpo^ a0 1 h^ only \o wait a Ultle widh pfwes 
piiiCiise, and 1 bad ua fears but that my friend Charley would be- 
come the hero of a very pretty episode for the mess. 

4«St> I suppose you must feel considerably bored by this kindxlf 
thing/' I said, endeavouriag to draw him out; 

.^ Why, I do," replied he, "and I do not. The girl is very pretty* 
The place is dull in the morning; and altogether it help^ to fill up 
ti»4/' . * . 

" Well,'* said I, " you are always fortunate, Curzon. Ypu hav^ 
erer your share of wbat floating luck the world affords." 

' «< It is not exactly aU hick, my dear friend -, for, as I shall explain 
t^you— '' 

^ Not now," replied I, " for I have not yet breakfasted." Sa 
aiying, I turned into the coffee-ro(Hn, leaving the worthy adjutanr 
to revel in his fancied conquest, and pity such unfortunates as my«» 

After an early dinner at the club-house^ I hastened down to th<^ 
theatre^ where numerous preparations ft»r the night were goiini^ 
liprward. The green-room was devoted to the office of a supper- 
XOiom^ to which the audience had been invited. The dresaLng«» 
laoms were many of them filled with the viands destined for tb^ 
entertainment. Where, anaong the wooden fowls and " impracli* 
eaUe" flagons, were to ^ seen very imposing pasties and flasks of 
<Aampagne> littered togjeth^r in the most admirable disorder. TIm 
confusion naturally incidental to all private theatricals, was tea^ 
fold increased by the circumstances of our projected supper. Cooks 
and scene-shifters, fiddlers and waiters, were most inextricably 
mingled; and as in all similar cases, the least important functional 
ries took the greatest airs upon them, and appropriated withotH 
hesitation whatever came to their hands — thus the cook wouH net 
have scrupled to light a fire with the tioloncello of the orchestra j 
and I actually caught one of the '^gens de cuisine** making a ^^jotj^ 
Jtlei** in a brass helmet I had once worn when astonishing the 
world as Coriolanus. 

Six o'clock struck. In another short hour and we begin, thougM 
I, with a sinking heart, as I looked upon the littered stage crowded 
with hosts of fellows that had nothing to do there. Figaro him^ 
self never wished for ubiquity more than I did, as I hastened from 
place to place, entreating, cursing, begging, scolding, execrating, 
and imploring by turns. To ipend the matter, the devils in the 
orchestra had begun to tune their instruments, and I had to bawl 
like a boatswain of a man-a-war, to be heard by the person bed- 
side me. 

As seven o'clock struck, I peeped through the small aperture ill 
the curtain, and saw, to my satisfaction, mingled, I confess, with 
fear, that the house was nearly filled — the lower tier of boxes en* 
tifely so. There were a great many ladies handsomely dressedy 
chatting gaily with their chaperons, and I recognized some of my 
acquaintances on every side; in &ct^ thejoe was ^scarcely a family> 
14 



108 c<mriMioii9 ov bakut iiomsswam. 

of rank in the county that had not at least some memben of k 
present As the orchestra struck up the overture to Don GioYanBi^ 
{ retired from my place to inspect the arrangements behind. 

Before flie performance of the ** FamilyiParty/' we were to hate 
a little one-act piece called ^^ a day in Madrid/' written by myself | 
die principal characters being expressly composed for <^ Miss Erdar 
and Mr. Lorrequer.'' 

The story of this trifle, it is not necesAry to allude to ; indeed, if i 
it were, I should scarcely have patience to do so, so connected is 
my recollection of it with the distressing incident which followed* 

In the first scene of the .piece, the cur|^in rising displays la belle 
Fanity sitting at her embroidery in the midst of a beautiful gardeB, - 
surrounded with statues, fountains, &c. ; at the back is seen a pari* 
lion in the ancient Moorish style of architecture, over which hang 
the branches of some large and shady trees-Hshe comes forwai^ 
expressing her impatience at the delay of her lover, whose absence 
she tortures herseU: to account for by a hundred different supposi* 
tions, and after a very stdSicient expos6 of her feelings, and some 
little explanatory details of her private history, conveying a vecy 
clear intimation of her own amiabiUty, and her guardian's cruelty, 
she proceeds, after the fashion of other young ladies similarly situate 
ed, to give utterance to her feelings by a song ; after, therefore, a 
suitable prelude from the orchestra, for which, considering the im* 
passioned state of her mind, she waits patiently, she comes forward ' 
and begins a melody^ — 

«d w&j is 1m &r from the heart that adoraa him V 

in which, for two verses, she proceeds with sundry sol feggio% to 
account for the circumstances, and show her own disbelief of the 
explanation in a 'V'ery satisfactory manner — ^meanwhile, for I must 
not expose my reader to an anxiety on my account, similar to 
what the dear Fanny here laboured tmder, I was making the neces- 
sary preparations for flying to her presence, and clasping her to 
my heart — ^that is to say, I had already gummed on a pair of mus- 
taches, had corked and arched a ferocious pair of eyebrows, which, 
with my rouged cheeks, gave me a look half Whiskerando, half 
Grimaldi ; these operations were performed, from the stress of cir- 
cumstances, sufiiciently near the ob;|ect of my affections, to afford 
me the pleasing satisfaption of hearing from her own sweet lips, 
her solicitude about me — in a word, all the dressing-rooms but two 
were filled with hampers of provisions, glass, china, and crockery, 
and from absolute necessity, I had no other spot where I could 
attire myself unseen, except in the identical pavilion already alluded 
to — ^here, however, I was quite secure, and had abundant time also, 
for I was not to appear till scene the second, when I was to come 
forward in full Spanish costume, "every inch a Hidalgo." Mean* 
time, Fanny had been singing — 

«0 why 10 he far," dx.» Ac. *io ^. . ^ l"^ 



CQirnuMaoiig of usmmx i^nkuws*. IM§ 

At Iheoondumonof the last vezse, just as she iweots the wtedg 
«why, why, why/' in a very^ distracted and melting cadence^ «. 
. Toioe behind startles herT-*she turns and beholds her guardian — eo 
at least runs the course (^ events in the r^ drama — that it sliould 
follow thus now however, <^Diis aliter visum/' — ^for just as die 
eame to the very moving apostrophe alluded to, and called out^ 
<< why comes he not ?" — a gruff voice from behind answered in a* 
strong Cork brogue — ^ ah f would you have him come in a state of 
nature ?" at the instant a loud whistle rang through the house, and 
the pavilion scene slowly drew up, discovering me, Harry liorra* 
quer, seated on a small stool before a cracked looking-glass, my 
coily habiliments, as I am an honest 'man, being a pair of long 
white silk stockings, and a very richly embroidered shirt with point 
laoe collar, llie shouts of laughter are yet in my ears, the loud 
xoar of inextinguishable mirth which after the first brief pause o£ 
a*t(Hiidmient gave way, shook the entire building-^my recollection 
may well have been confused at such a moment of unutterable- 
lAame and misery ; yet, I clearly remember seeing Fanny, the- 
eweet Fanny herself, fall into an arm-chair qearly suffocated with 
convulsions of laughter. I cannot go on ; what I did I know not*. 
I suppose my exit was additionally ludicrous, for a new eclat de 
Tire followed me out I. rushed out of the theatre, and wrapping, 
only my cloak round me, ran without stopping to the barracks. 
But I must cease ; these are woes too sacred for even confessions 
like mine, so let me dose the curtain of my room and my chapter 
4ogethfir^ and say, adieu for a season. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

THE WAGEB. 



It might have been about six weeks after the events detaOed 
in my last chapter had occurred, that Curzon broke suddenly into 
my room Me morning before I had arisen, and throwing a precau- 
tionary glance around, as if to assure himself that we were alone^ 
seized my hand with a most xmusuai earnestness, and stead&stlj* 
looking at me said — 

« Harry Lorrequer, will you stand by me ?" 

So sudden and unexpected was his appearance at the moment, 
that I really felt but half awake, and kept puzzling myself for an 
explanation to the scene, rather than thinking of a reply to hia 
question -, perceiving which, and arguing but badly from my silence, 
he continued — » ,. , , u -m 

" Am I then, really deceived lA what I believed tQ po an pW wa 

tried &]eii4?'' 



^Why, what the deriPs the matter?^ I cried ont. * If yon Br# 
itt a scrape, wby of course you know I'm your man ; but stSl^te 
oiify Mr to let one know something of the matter in the meanwhde.^ 

"In a scrape !** said he, with a long drawn sigh, intended te 
beat the whole Minerva press in its romantic cadence. 

« Well, but get on a bit,'* said I, rather impatiently ; « who ii^ 
Ifte fellow youVe got the row with ? Not one of ours, I trust ?*^ ^ 

" Ah, n^y dear Hal,'' said he, in the same melting tone as before' 
-^** How your imagination does run upon rows, and broils, an^ 
dtteHing rencontres," (he, the speaker, be it known to the read^^' 
was the fire-eater of the regiment,) ** as if life had nothing better to 
oiferjhan the excitement of a challenge, or the mock heroism of « 
meeting.'* ' 

As he made a dead pause here, after which he showed no Hth- 
position to continue, I merely added — 

** Well, at this*rate of proceeding we shall get at the matter itt* 
hand, on our way out to Corfu, for I hear we are the next regimoHl 
ftr the Mediterranean.*' 

/Die observation seemed to have some effect it rousing him firon 
hb lethargy, and he added — '« 

^ If you only knew the nature of the attachment, and how com* 
pletely all my future hopes are concerned upon the issrtie *^ 

^ Ho ?" said I, " so it's a money affair, is it ? and is it old Wat^Mfe^ 
has issued the writ ? I'll bet a hundred.'^ 

** Well, upon my soul, Lorrequer," said he, jumping from hto* 
chair| and speaking with more energy than he had before eimctit,' 
^you are, without exception, the most worldly-minded, cold- 
blooded fellow I ever met. What have I said that could have led 
you to suppose I had either a duel or law-«uit upon my hands this^ 
morning ? Learn, once and for all, man, that I am in love — des« 
perately and over head and ears in love." 

" Et piiisy'* said I coolly. 

<* And intend to marry immediately." 

« 0, very well," said I, " the fighting and debt will come later^ 
^t's all. But to return — now for the lady." 

" Come, you must make a guess." 

" Why, then, I really must confess my utter inability ; for youp 
ajttentions have been so generally and impartially distributed sino§* 
^our arrival here, that it may be any fair one, fi^ora your venerable 
partner at whist last evening, to Mrs. Henderson, the pastry-co©k? 
inclusive, for whose, macaroni and cherry-brandy your feelings 
have been as warm as they are constant." 

"Come, no more quizzing, Hal. You. surely must have rc- 
Doarked that lovely girl I waltzed with at Power's ball on Tuesdajr. 
last" 

<^ Lovely girl ! Why, in all seriousness, you don't; mean tlia 
fdoiall woman with the tow wig." ; 

'<No, I do not mean any such thing^-^r » beadtfftil creatore, 
jwith the brightest locks in Christendom— the very UghtJiiiMnl 



«airiaf fkii^, D^mkiklieiio love^^ painty mi ft foot-i-Sid you 
MhMfootP' ^ 

'^No; that wai& rather diflfesult, for lihe kept contfam^By bobbinft 
op and down, like a boy's cork-float m a fish pond.*^ 

« Stop there. I shall not permit this any longer— I came hot 
hefetoHstea to— — '^ ' 

^ B«t> Oaraon, my boy, yon're not angry }^ 

^ Yes, sir, I am angry V 

^ Wby, surely, you have not been serious all this time ?** 

** And why not, pray ?'* 

^01 I don't exactly know— that is, fahh I scarcely thought 
yoa were in earnest, for if I did, of course I should honestly have 
confessed to you that the lady in question struck me as one of tbo 
handsomest persons I ever met/' * 
, ''You think so really, Hal?'* 

*** Certainly I do, and the opinion is not mine alone; she is, in 
fact, universally admired/' 

.' ^Oome, Harry, e^jtcuse my bad temper. I ought to have known 
.yo« better — give me your hand, old boy, and wish me joy, for 
Mth you aiding and abetting she is mine to-morrow morning." 
• I wrung his hand heartily — congratulating myself, meanwhile^ 
hffw happily I had got out of my scrape ; as I now, for the first 
Ittne, perceived that Curzon was bona fide iii earnest. 

^ So, you will stand by me, Hal," said he. 
' ^Ctf course. Only show me how, and I am perfectly at yoict , 
serriee. Anything from riding postilion on the leaders to offlciatt 
ing as bridesmaid, and I am your man. And if you are in want 
ef such a functiwary, I shall stand in * loco parentis^ to the lady, 
iuA give her away with as much ^oncHon*mA tenderness as thoura 
IhaA as many marriageable daughters as king Priam himself. It 
Mrwdth me in marriage as in dlielling-*-I*ll be any thing rathet 
Attn a principal ; and I have long since disapproved of dthet 
OMidfiod as a means of * obtaining satisfaction.' " 

** Ah, Harry, I shall not Ufe discouraged by your sneers. You've 
baon rather unlucky, I^m aware ; but now to return. Your office 
on ttns occasion, is an exceedingly simple one, and yet that which 
I could only confide to one as much irfy friend as yourself. You 
Buist carry my dearest Louisa ofi"." 

^ Cany her 08*? Where ?— when ?— how ?" 

" All that I have already arranged, as you shall hear." 

^ Yea. But first of all please to explain why, if going to ru^ 
away with the lady you don't accompany her yourself." . 

^ Ah ! I knew you would say that ; I could have laid a wager 
yon'd ask that question, for it is just that very explanation will 
show all the native delicacy and feminine propriety of my darting 
lioa; 9xA first, I must tdl you, that old Sir Alfred Jonson, her fa- 
ther, has some confounded prejudice against the army, and never 
tpotdd consent to her marriage with a red-coat — so that, his con- 
. beibgi fiut lOf the ^fuestiooy our only soui^ is an elopementl 

;i4* X 



. ^^Louifla consents to this, bm only upon one cdncKtion-'-^andthiB 
she insists upon so firmly — I had ahnost said obstinately^ — that, m^ 
withstanding all my arguments and repiesentations, and ettm 
entreaties against it, she remains inflexible ; so that I have at length 
yielded, and she is to have her own'way/' 

<< WeU, and what is the condition shQ lays such stress upon ?'' 

<< Simply this — that ive are never to travel a mile together until 
I obtain my right to do so, by making her my wife. She has got 
some trumpery notions in her head that any slight transgression 
over the bounds of delicacy made by women be&re. marriage is 
ever after remembered by the husband to their disadvantage, and 
she is, therefore, resolved not to sacrifice her principle even at sudfai 
a crisis as the present'^ 

« All very proper, I have no \ioubt ; but still, pray explain what 
I confess appears somewhat strange to me at present How does , 
so very delicately-minded a person reconcile herself to travellii^ 
with a perfect stranger under such circumstances ?" 

^^That |[ can explain perfectly to you, Ypu must know that 
when my darling Loo consented to take this step, which I induced 
her to do with the greatest difficulty, she made the proviso I have 
just mentioned; I at once showed her that I had no maiden aunt 
or married sister to confide her to at such a moment, and wfai^ 
was to be done ? She immediately replied, < Have you no elderly 
brother officer, whose years and discretion will put the tmnsaction 
isL such a light as to silence the slanderous tongues of the world, 
for with such a man I am quite ready and willing to trust myseUl' 
You see I w:as bard pushed there. What could I do ? — ^whom could 
1 4ielect ? Old Hayes, the paymaster, is always tipsy ; Jones is five^ 
and-forty — ^but still if he found out there were thirty thousanftl 
pounds in the case, egad ! Pm not so sure I'd have found my be- 
trothed at the end of the stage. You were my only hope : I knew 
I could rely upon you. You would carry on the whole affair witib. 
tact and discretion ; and as to age, your stage experience would 
enable you, with a Uttle assistance from costume, to pass muster; 
besides that, I have always represented you as the very Methusev 
lah of the corps ; and in the gray dawn of an autumnal mommg — 
with maiden bashfulness assisting — the scrutiny is not likely to be 
a close one. So, now, your consent is aloUe wanting to completa 
the arrangements which, before this time to-morrow, shall have 
made me the happiest of mortals.'' 

Having expressed, in fitting terms, my full sense of obligatioiv 
for the delicate flattery with which he pictured me as ^ Old Lonre^ 
quer" to the Lady,' I begged a more detailed account of his plan, 
which I shall shorten for my reader's sake, by the following brief 
expose. 

A post-chaise and four was to be in waiting at five o'clock in 
the morning to convey me to Sir Alfred Jonson's residence, about 
twelve miles distant. There I was to be met by a lady at the gate^ 
lodge, who w«u3 subs^qwntly to accompany me to a mxmH TiUa^ 



C0ir9B9SI01IS OF SUUftBT LOSSXQtrXB. • IM ' 

QA Ae Nord, vbeie an old coU^ frirad of Curzon's happeoied to 
seside, as paison, and by whom the treaty was t6 be concluded. 

This was all simple and clear enough — ^the only condition neces- 
sary to insure success, being punctuality^ particularly on the lady's 
part. As to mine I readily promised my best aid and warmest 
efforts in my friend's behal£ 

ff There is only one thing more/' said Gurzon. ^< Louisa's 
iroun'ger brother is a devilish hot-headed wild sort of a fellon^ ; and 
It would be as well, just for precaution sake, to have your pistols 
along with you, if, by any chemce, he should make out what was 
going fon^ard — ^not.but that you know if any thing serious was to 
take place, I should be the person to take all that upon my hands." 

"0! of course — I understand," said L Meanwhile I could not 
help running over in my mind the pleasa,nt possibilities such an 
adventure presented, heartily wishing that Gurzon had been con- 
tent to marry by bans, or any other of the legitimate modes in use, 
without risking his Mend's bones. The other pros and cons of J 
the matter, with full and accurate directions as to the road to be 
taken on obtaining possession of the lady, being all arranged, we ' 
parted, I to setfle my costmne and appearance for my first perform- 
ance in an old man's part, and Gurzon to obtain a short leave for 
a few days from the commanding officer of the regiment. 
, When we again met, which was at the mess-table, it was not 
]Rrithout evidence on either side of that peculiar consciousness 
which persons feel who have, or think they have, some secret in 
common, which the world wots not o£ Curzon's upusuallv quick 
and excited manner would at once have struck any close observer 
as indicating the. eve of some important step, no less than contin- 
ual allusions to whatever was going on, by sly and equivocal jokes 
imd ambiguous jests. Happily, however, on the preset occasion^ 
the party were otherwise occupied than watchmg him— bemg most 
profoundly and learnedly engaged in discussing medicine az^ mat- 
ters medi<^ with all the acute and accurate knowledge whkdi cha- 
taeterises such discussions among the non-medical public. 

The present co^versation originated from some mention our 
senior surgeon Fitzgerald had just made of a consultation which 
he was invited to attend on the next morning, at the distance of 
twenty miles, and which necessitated him to start at a most uncom- 
fortably early hour. While he continued to deplore the hard fate 
of such men as himself, so eagetly sought after by the world, that 
their own hours were eternally broke in upon by external claims, 
the juniors were not sparing of their mirth on the occasion, at the 
expense of the worthy doctor, who, in plain truth, had never been 
disturbed by a request like the present, within any one's memory. 
Some asserted that the whole thing was a puff, got up by Fitz. 
hijoiseilfj who was only going to have a day's partridge-shooting ; 
jo^'-jers hinting that it was a blind, to escape the vigilance of Mm. 
.. .itzgerald — ^a well-known virago in the regiment — awhile Fita. 
.^'njoyed himself; and a third party, pretending to jsympathise with 



IM » cmwwnnms ov hakbt iiesBB^VBa. 



die doctor^suggmted thai a iniodred poondf would be die Imm 
he coald possibly be offered for such services as his on so grare an 
eeeasion. # 

« No, no, <Miiy fifty,'' said Filz, gravdy. 
« ^ Fifty ! Why, you tremendous old humbug, you dont meaiKo 
say you'll make fifty pounds before we are out of our beds in tha 
learning ?" cried one. 

• ^ I'll take your bet on it," said the doctor, who bad, in this in^^ 
stance, reason to suppose his fee would be a large one. 

During this discussion, the claret had been pushed round raliMi 
freely; and fully bent, as I was, upon the adventure before me, I 
had taken my share of it as a preparation. I thought of the amaz« 
tog prize I was about to be instrumental in securing for my friend 
'*^for the lady had really thirty thousand pounds — and I could nol 
conceal my, triumph at such a prospect of success in pomparisoa 
with the meaner object of ambition. They all seemed to envy 
poor Fitzgerald. I struggled with my secret for some time — boC 
my pride and the claret together got the better of me, and I called 
Ottty <^ Fifty pounds on it, then, that before ten to-morrow morning, 
FJrl ntake a better hit of it than you — and the mess shaD deddrt 
between us afterwards as to the winner." 

<^ And if you will," said I, seeing some reluctance on Fitz's paii^ 
to take the wager, and getting emboldened in consequence, 'Met 
the judgment be pronounced over a couple of dozen of champagnci^ 
paid by the loser." 

This was e^^oup d^etat an my part, for i knew at onoe tbeitf 
weie so many parties to benefit by the bet, terminate which way it 
might, there could be no possibility of evading it. My TU9t suo^ 
oseded, and poor Fitzgerald, fairly badgered into a wager, thpi 
terms of which he could not in the least comprehend, was obliged 
tD sign the conditions inserted in the adjutant^s n6te^book--4iii 
great&t hope in so doing being in tiie quantity of wine he bad 
«een me tirink during the efvening. As for myself, the bet was n# 
sooner made than I began to think upon the very little chanoe I 
had of winning it ; fi)r even supposing my success perfect in the 
dspartment aUotted to me, it might with great reason be ^oublad 
what peculiar benefit I myself derived as a counterbalanoe ta th« 
iie of the doctor. For this, my only trust lay in the justice of A 
decision which I conjectured would lean more towards the good^ 
ness of a practical joke than the equity of the transaction. Ths 
party at mess soon after separated, and I wished my friend good 
sight for the last time before meeting him as a bridegroom. 

I sjrranged every thing in order for my start My pistol-case I 

J laced conspicuously before me, to avoid being forgotten in tha 
aste of departure ; and having ordered my servant to sit up adi 
night in the guard-room until he heard the carriage at the barracb- 

£te, threw myself on my bed but not to sleep. The adventure I was 
(Hit to engage in suggested to my mind a thousand associati0n% 
into which many of the scenes I have ali»ady narrated eut^ed. i 



OF B4nr x^Kss^nm. I6S 

Aoagfat bov fineqti^ally I had myself been on the verge of tbi4 
iCate which Cunson was about to try, anA bow it always happened 
ttiat when nearest ta saccess, failure had intervened. From my 
wnry school-boy days my love adventures had the same unfortut 
Dftle abruptness in their issue ; and there seemed to be something 
very like a fatality in the invariable unsuccess of my efforts at mar^ 
liage. I feared, too, that my friend Cur2on had placed himself in 
vwy unfortunate hands — ^if augury were to be relied upon. Some* 
dung will surely happen, thought I, from my confounded iU luck, 
and an will be blown up. Wearied at last with thinking, 1 feU 
into a sdond ideep for about three quarters of an hour, at the end 
Af whieh I was awoke by my servant informing me that a cbaiae 
aiiA four were drawn up at the end of Barrack-lane. ' 

^'Why, smrely, they are too early, Stobber? It's only four 
i^dock.'' * 

« Yes^ m ; but they say that die road for eight miles is very bad^ 
•nd they 'must go it sdmost at a walk.'' 

That is certainly pleasant, thought I, but Fja in for it now, 99 
cw't help it. 

In a few minutes I was up and dressed, and so perfectly trans- 
flmned by the addition of a brown scratch-wig and large green 
spectacles, and a deep-flapped waistcoat, that my servant, on as*' 
aiitsfmg my ropm, could not recognise me. I followed him now 
aetess the barrack-yard, as with my pistol-case under one arm and 
alantem in his hand he i^oceeded to the barrack-gate. 

As I passed beneath the adjutant's window, I saw a light— 4be 
jMh was quickly thrown op^ and Curzon appeared. 

« b that you, Harry ?" 

Yes — when do yon i^art ? 

^ In about two houn. I've only eig^ 4niles to go—- you have 
upwards of twelve, and no time to lose. God bkss you,.my boj. 
«^-W6'll meet soon." * 

^ Hei e's the carriage, sir, this way." 

^ Well, my lads, you know the mad I suppose ?" 

« Every inch of it, 3ronr honour's gl(Hry ; we're always coming it 
tn doctors and 'pothecaries ; they're never a week without themu" 

I was soon seated, the door dapped too, and the words ** all right'' 
given, aiMl away we went. 

Little as I had slept during the night, my mind was too mnin 
occupied with the adventure I was engaged in to permit my 
tfatagtoof deep now^so that I had abundant opportunity afibrd 
«d me of pondering over all the bearings of the case, with much 
iMire of deliberation and caution than I had yet bestowed upon ii* 
Om thing was certain, whether success did or did not attend our 
imdertaking, the risk was mine and mine only ; and if by any acd- 
dent the affair should be akeady known to the family, I stood a 
VBcy fitir ebance of being shot by one of the sons, or stoned to d^th 
bylhe tenantry; while my exe^lent friend Curzon should be eat- 
ing Iris breakfast wiOi bis revetead fiiend, and only intenruptuig 



165 00N9ZB8I01I8 OV BABBT LORKXQt»B. 

Uniself in his fourth innffiny to wonder << what could keep fliem ;" 
and besides, for minor miseries will, like the little devils in Don Gio* 
Tanni, thrust up their heads among their better-grownbrethren, xaf 
fifty-pound bet looked rather blue ; for even under the most favora- 
ble light considered, however Curzon might be esteemed a gainer^ 
it might be well doubted how far I had succeeded better than the 
doctor, when producing his fee in evidence. Well, well, I'm in 
for it now ; but certainly it is strange, all these very awkward dr^ 
cumstances never struck me so forcibly before ; and after all, it was 
not quite fair of Gurzon to put any man forward in such a transae* 
lion ; the more so as such a representation might be made of it at 
the Horse-Guards as to stop a man's promotion, or seriously affect 
his prospects for life, and I at last began to convince mysietf tbat 
many a man so placed, would c^rr^ the lady off himself, and leave 
the adjutant to settle the affair with the family. For%wo mortal 
hours did I conjure up every poadble disagreeable contingency that 
might arise. My being mulcted of my fifty and laughed at by the 
mess seemed inevitable, even were I fortunate enough to escape a 
duel with the fire-eating brother. Meanwhile a thick nusty ram 
continued to fall, adding so much to the darkness of the early homr, 
that I could see nothing of the country about me, and knew nothing 
of where I was. ^ 

Troubles are like laudanum, a small dose only excites, a strong 
one sets you to sleep — not a very comfortable sleep mayhap— but 
still it is sleep, and often very sound sleep ; so it now happened 
with me. I had pondered over, weighed, and considered sdl the 
pros, cons, turnings, and windings of this awkward' predicament, 
till I had fairly convinced myself that I was on the high road to a 
confounded scrape; and then having established that.&ct to mj 
entire satisfaction, 1 fell comfortably back in the dhaise, and sunk 
ioto a most profound slumber. 

If to any of my readers I may appear h^re to have taken a very 
despondent view of this whole affair, let him only call to mind my 
invariable ill luok in such matters, and how always it had been 
my lot to see myself on the fair road Jo success, only up to that 
point at which it is certain, besides— but why expbiin ? These 
are my Confessions. I may not alter what are matters of &ct. 
and my reader must only take me with all the imperfections of 
wrong motives and headlong impulses upon my head, or aban- 
don me at once. 

Meanwhile the chaise rolled along, and the road being better 
and the pace faster, my sleep became more easy ; thus, about am 
hour and a half after I had fallen asleep, passed rapidly over, 
when the sharp turning of an angle distended me from my leaning 
position and I awoke. I starte'd up and rubbed my eyes ; sever^ 
seconds elapsed before I could think where I was or whither going. 
Consciousness at last came, and I perceived that we were driving 
up a thickly planted avenue. Why, confound it, they can't have 
mistaken it, thought I, or are we really going up to the house^ m-, 



fteid of vaiting at the lodge ? I at once lowered the sash, and 
iCretdliing out* my, head, cried out, '^ Do you know what ye aie 
ahout, lads ; is this all right ?'^ but, unfortunately, amid the rattling 
of the gravel and the clatter of the horses, my words were unheard ; 
and thinkiz^ I was addressing a request to go faster, the villains 
cracked their whips, and breaking into a full gallop, before five 
Bunutes flew over, they drew up with a jerk at the foot of a long 
portico to a large and spacious outgone mansion When I rallied ^ 
mm the sudden check, which had nearly thrown me throi^ the 
window, I gave myself up for lost : here I was vis a vis toih» 
Very haU-door of the man whose daughter I was about to elope 
mUtk, whether so placed by the awkwardness and blundering of 
the wr^cbes who drove me, or delivered up by th^ treadiery, it 
mattered not, my fate seemed certain ; before I had time to deter- 
aaine upoil*any line of acting in this confounded dilemma, the door 
was jerked ope^ by a servant in a sombre livery ; who, protruding 
his head and shoulders into the chaise, looked at me steadily for a 
moment, and said, ^* Ah ! then, doctor darlin', but ye're welcome.^ 
With the q;>eed with which sometimes the bar of an air long since 
heard, or the passing glance of an old fiimiliar face can call up 
ib» memory of our very earliest childhood, bright and vivid before 
OS, so that^one single phrase explained the entire mystery of my 
present position, and I saw in one rapid glance that I had got into 
the chaise intended for Dr. Fitzgerald, and was absolutely at tbttt 
moment before the hall door of the patient. My first impulse was 
an honest one, to i^vow the mistake and retrace my steps, taking 
my diahce to settle with Curzon, whose matrim<mial scheme I 
jbresaw, was doomed to the untuQMly fiite of all those I had ever 
l>een concerned in. My next thought, how seldom is the adage 
true which cniys ^ that second thoughts are best,'' was upon my , 
lockless wager, for, even supposhig that Fitzgelrald should follow 
me in the other chaise, yet as I had the start of him, if I could only ' 
• pass muster for half an hour, I might secure the fee, and evacuate 
the territory ; besides that there was a great chance of Fitz's having 
gone on my errand, while I was joumejring on hisy in which case 
I should be safe from interhiption. Meanwhile, heaven only could 
tell, what his interference in poor Curzon's busmess might not 
involve. These serious reflections took about ten seconds to pass 
through my mind as the grave looking old servant proceeded to 
encumber himself with my cloak and my pistol-case, remarking as 
he lifted the latter, ^ And may the Lord ^ant ye won't want the 
instruments this time, doctor for they say he is better this morn- 
ing ;" heartily wishing amen to the benevolent prayer of the honest 
domestic, for more reasons than one, I descended leisurely, as I 
conjectured a doctor ought to do, from the chaise, and with a 
«demn pace and grave demeanoui^ followed him into the house. 

In the small parknir to which I was ushered, sat two gentlemen 
Mmewfaat advanced in years, who I rightly supposed were my 
iaedioal oonfireres. One of theie was a tall^ pale, ascetic-looking 



tmm^with gmyhaiKs and retj^ealing fordiead, 9k) w iii«pe0eh» Mid 
higubrious in demeanour. The other, his antithesis^ was a dotoeli 
rosy cheeked; apoplectic looking subject ; with a laugh like a sufio- 
catiDg wheeze^ and a paunch like an alderman ; his quick, restless 
eye, and full nether lip denoting more of the bon vivant than th^ 
abstemious disciple of ^sculapius. A momi^t's glance satisfied 
me, that if I bad only these to deal with^ I was safe, for I saw Ibat 
they were of that stamp of counOry practitioner, half-i^yaieiMiy 
faslf-apolhecary, who rarely come in contact with the higbor 
•rdecs of their art, and then only to be dictated to, obey ni 
frumble. 

<< Doctor, may I beg to intrude myself, Mr. Fbipps, on f^m 
motke ? Dr. Phipps or Mr. it's all one ; but I har^ only a lic^Me 
m pbsurmacy, though they call me doctor.^' 

^< Surgeon Riley, sir; a very respectable practitioner,'' said fa% 
vaying his hand towaids bis rubicund confrere. 

I at once expressed the great happiness it afforded fiie lo txmtit 
fluch highly informed and justly celebrated gentlemen^ and fearing 
.every moment the arrival of the real Simon Pure should cover vm 
with shame and disgrace, begged they would affiord me as sowes 
possibly, iiome history of the case we were concerned for. Tk$f 
Ihccordii^ly proceeded to expound in a species of duet, soms 
euzious particulars of an old gentlemen, who bad the evil forfrum 
lo have them for his doctors, and who laboured under some swj^^ 
ing of the neck, which they differed as to the treatment of, ai^ m 
consequence of which, the aid of a third party (mysetf, Giod bkii 
Ihe mark !) was requested. 

As I could by no means div^/st myself of the fear of Fita.'a^aDiTely 
I pl^ded the multiplicity of my professional engagwk^tsae a 
reason for at once seeing the patient ; upon which I was condueied 
up stairs by my two br^iren, and introduced into a balf4ie^blad 
t£amber. In a large easy chair sat a florid-looking old man, w^ 
a face in which pain and habitiml ill-temper had oombmed to 
ikbsorb every expression. 

^ This is the doctor of the regiment, sir, that you desired to see/' 
•aid my tall coadjutor. 

<'0 ! then very well; |[ood morning, sir. I suppose y^u WSI 
find out somaUiing new the matter, for them two there have beitt 
lining so every day this two months." 

^ I trusty sir," I replied stiffly, << that with the assistance of eqr 
learned friends, mudi may be done for you. Ha I hem ! so this is 
the malady. Turn your head a littl^ to that side ;" here an awful 
groan escaped the sick man, for I, it appears, had made considerable 
impression upon rather a delicate part, not unintentionally I mnil 
confess ; for as I remembered Hoyle's maxim at whist, ^ when « 
doubt play a trump," so* I thought it might be true in physic, wham 
posed by a difficulty to do a bold thing also. <^Does that hurt 
you, sir?" said I in a soothing and ailectioiiale tone of ywm, 
<<Like the devil," growled the patient «<And hare?" miA L 



«0! o ! I can't bear it way loti««r.'' <<Q 1 |f pdioem^f' njMl ]^ 
f^ tte tiling ia just as 1 ex|)eoted,'' Here I raised my g]^i»iiv% 
and looked indescribably wise at my confreres. 

^ No aneurism, doctor/' said the tall on^. 

" Certainly not:" 

" Maybe/' said the short man, " maybe it's a stay-at-home-with- 
us tumor after all /' so at least he appeared to pronounce a con* 
founded technical, which I afterwards learned was << steatomatpus /' 
conceiving that my rosy friend was disposed to jeer at me, I gare 
him a terrific frowil, and resumed, ^<tbis must not be touched." 

" So you won't operate upon it," said the patient. 

^' I would not take a thousand pounds and do so/' I replied* 
^^ Now if you please, gentlemen," said I, making a step towards 
the door, as if to withdraw f6r consultation ; upon whictt they 
accompanied me down stairs to the breakfast-room. As it was the 
oialy time in my Pe I had performed in this character, I had soma 
doubts as to the propriety of indulging a very hearty breakfast 
appetite, not knowing if it were unprofessional to eat ; but from 
thu» doubt my learned friends speedily relieved me, by the entim 
4ewotion which they bestowed for about twenty minutes upa» 
ham, rolls, eggs, and cutlets, barely interrupting these important 
oecupatioos by sly allusions to the old gentleman's malady, and 
his ehance of recovery. r 

<< Well, doctor/' said the pale one, asf at length, he rested from 
his labours, ^< what are we to do ?" 

*' Ay/' said tbe other, "there's the question." 

" Go on/' said I, ** go cm as before ; I can't advise you better.^ 
Now, thisi was a deep stroke of mine ; for up to the present moment 
I do not k»ow what treatment they were practising ; but it looted 
a shrewd thing to guess it, and it certainly was civil to approve . 
o£it 

" So you think that will be best." 

« I am certain — I know nothing better/' I answered. 

" Well, I'm sure, sir, we have every reason to be gratified fiir 
tfie very candid manner you have treated us. Sir, I'm yous most 
obedient servant," said the fat one* . 

" G^itlemeBy both your good healths and professional suoceaa 
«lflo ;" here I swi^wed a, petit verre of brandy ; thinking all the 
while there were worse things than the practice of physic. 

*^ I hope you are not going/' said one, as my chaise drew up at' 
Aie door. 

"Business calls me/' said I, " and I can't help it." 

" Could not you managis to see out friend here again, in a day 
or two ?" said the rosy one- 

*^ I fear it will be impossible/' replied I ; " besides I have a notion 
he may not desire it." 

" I have been commissioned to hand you this," said the tall 
deetxir, with a half sigh, as he put a check into my band. 

I bowed slightly, and stufied the crumpled paper with a half 
15 Y 



170 €OKyS8BI01^8 OP HASftT X«0BBS<l17E]l* 

careless air into tnf waistcoat pocket^aml wishing them both everf 
upedes of happiness and saccess, shook hands four times wiUi each, 
and drove off; nerer belioTing myself saft 'till I saw the gate- 
lodge behind me, and felt myself flying on the road to Kilkenny at 
about twelve miles Irish an hour. 



CHAPTER XVm. 

THE SLOFEMEKT. 



It was past two o'clock when 1 reached the town. On enter* 
ing the barrack-yard, I perceived a lai^e group of officers chatting 
together, and every moment breaking into immoderate fits of 
laughter. I went over, and immediately learned the source of 
iheir mirth, which was this : No sooner had it been known that 
ntzgerald was about to go to a distance; on a professional call, 
than a couple of young officers laid their heads together, and wrote 
an annonymous note to Mrs. Fitz. who was the very dragon of 
jealousy, informing her, that her husband had feigned the whole 
Mstory of the patient and consultation as an excuse for absenting 
hiriiself on an excursion of gallantry; and that if she wished to 
asatisfy herself of the truth of the statement, she had only to follow 
him in the morning, and detect his entire scheme; the object of 
these amiable friends being to give poor Mrs. Fitz. a twenty miles' 
jaunt, and confront her with her injured husband at the end of it. 

Having a nodnd actively alive to suspicions of this nature, the 
worthy woman made all her arrangements for a start, and scarcely 
was the chaise and four, with her husband, out of the town, than 
was she on the track of it, with a heart bursting with jealousy, 
and vowing vengeance to the knife, against all concerned in this 
scheme to wrong' her. 

So far the plan of her persecutors had perfectly succeeded ; they 
saw her depart on a trip of, a§ they supposed, twenty miles, and 
their whole notions of the practical joke were limited to the ec- 
claircissement that must ensue at the end. Little, however, were 
they aware how much more nearly the suspected crime, was the 
position of the poor doctor to turn out ; for as by one blunder I 
had taken his chaise, so he, without any inquiry whatever, haci 
got into the one intended for me ; and never awoke from a most 
refreshing slumber, till shaken by the shoulder by the postUlion, 
who whispered in his ear — " here we are, sir ; this is the gate.'* 

" But why stop at the gate ? Drive up the avenue my boy.'' 

^* His honour told me, sir, not for the world to go farther than the 
lodge ; nor to make as much noise as a mouse." 

« Ah ! very true. He may be very irritable, poor m^n ! Well, 
atop here, and ril get ouf 



Just as the doctor had readied the ground, a very smart-Jooking 
ioubrette tripped up, and said to him^^ 

<< Beg pardon, sir ; but you are the gentleman from the barrack, 
sir r^ 

'' Yes, my dear,'' said Fitz, with a knowing look at the pretty ' 
&ce of the damsel, ^^ what can 1 do for you ?" 

'< Why, sir, my mistress is here in the shrubbery ; but die is so 
nervous, and so frightened, I don't know how she'll go through it." 

'< Ah I she's frightened, poor thing ; is she! ! she must keep 
up her spirits, while there's life there's hope." 

"Sir." 
* << I say, my darling, she must not give way. I'll speak to her a. 
little. Is not he rather advanced in life ?" 

" 0, Lord ! no sir. Only two*and-thirty, my mistress tells me ? 

" Two-and-thirty ! Why I thought he was above sixty." 

^^ Above sixty ! Law ! sir. You have a bright fancy. This ia 
the gentleman, ma'amu Now sir, I'll just slip aside for a moment^ 
and let you talk to her»" 

" I am ^eved, ma'am, that I have not the happiness to mak» 
your acquaintance under happier circumstances." 

<^ I must confess, sir — ^though I am ashamed" — 

^ Never be adiamed, ma'am. Your grief, although I trust cause- 
less, does you infinite honour." <^ Upon my sorQ she is rathes- 
pretty," said the doctor to himself here. 

" Well, sir, as I have the most perfect confidence in you, from 
all I have heard of you, I trust you will not think me abrupt i& 
saying that any longer delay here is dangerous." 

^ Dangerous ! Is he in so critical a state as that then ?" 

^' Critical a state, sir ! Why what do you mean ?" 

" I mean, ma'am, do you think, then, it must be done to-day ?"^ 

" Of course I do, sir, and I shall never leave the spot without 
your assuring me of it." 

^^ ! in that case make your mind easy. I have the instruments 
in the chaise." 

" The instruments in the chaise ! Really, sir, if you are not jest- 
ing— I trust you don't think this a fitting time for such— I entreat 
of you to speak more plaiidy and intelligibly." 

" Jesting, ma'am I I'm incapable of jestmg at such a moment.'* 

" Ma'am ! ma'am ! I see one of the rangers', ma'am, at a dis- 
tance ; so don't lose a moment, but get into the chaise at once." 

" Well, sir, let us away ; for I have now gone too far to retract.'^ 

" Help my mistress into the chaise, sir. Lord ! what a nwx 
It is." 

A moment more saw the poor doctor seated beside the youn^ 
lady, while the postilions plied whip and spur with their best 
energy ; and the road flew beneath them. Meanwhile the delay 
caused by this short dialogue, enabled Mrs. Fitz's slower convey- 
ance to come up with the pursuit, and her chaise had just turned 
the angle of the road as she caught a glimpse of a muslin drew 
stepping into the carriage with her husband. 



ITI ciMrrfSdvevs •w bjibst tAnmmtctomm 

Timm are na weids eapirUe^ of oonvnyhig dn ftintest itei'of 
the feelings that agitated Mrs. Fitz at this moment The fiiUart 
confirmation to her worst fears was before her eyes^nst at the 
' yery instant when a doubt was beginning to cross over her miiOfil 
Ibat if might bare been merely a hoax that was practised on her/ 
and that the worthy doctor was innocent and blameless. 'As fmt 
the -poor doctor himself^ there seemed little dianoi ot his being 
enlightened as to t)ie real state of matters ; for from the mcmeM 
fhe yoang lady had taken her j^iaee in the chaise^ she had bnri^d 
her face in her hands, Jtnd sobbed continually. Meanwhile h0 
concluded that they were approaching the house by somo back 
entrance, to avoid noise and confusion, and waited with dUs pa- 
tience, for the journey's end. • ' 
jA6, however, het grief continued unabated;, Fita, at length, be- 
gan to think of the many little consolatory acts- he h«d successfully 
practised in his professional career, and was just Insinuating' some 
¥«ry tender speech on the score of reagiiation, when' his head in- 
clined towards the weeping lady beside him, when the chaise of 
Mi's. Fitz. came up along side, and th^ postillions^ having yielded 
to the call to halt, drew suddenly up^ displaying to fte enragedK 
wife the tableau we have mentioned. 

« So> wretch,'* she -screamed rather than spoke, «^ I have detected 
you at last." 

" Lord bless me ! Why it is my wife.'' 

**'Tes, villain ! your injured, much-wronged wife ! And you, 
mfadam, may I ask what have you to say for thus- dbping with a? 
married man?" 

" Shame ! My dear Jemima," said Pitsr. * how can you possibly 
permit your foolish jealousy so far to blind your reason. Don't 
you see I am going upon a professional call ?" 
'* ! you are. Are you? Quite professional, Pil be bound;"* 
« 0, sir ! 0, madam ! I beseech you, save nfe from the anger of ' 
my relatives, and the disgrace of exposure. Pray bring me back/ 
at once." 

"Why, my 'God ! ma'am, what do you mean ? Yoa are not 
gone mad, as well as my wife." • 

« Really, Mr. Fitz.*' said Mrs. F. <<this is Carrying the joke taHf 
far. Take your unfortunate victim — as I suppose she is such — 
home to her parents, and prepare to accompany me to the barrack? 
aad if there be law and justice in — " 

** Well ! may the Lord in his mercy preservB piy senses, or you 
win both drive me clean mad." 

" 0, desgr ! o, dear !" sobbed the young lady, while Mrs. Pitz- 
^rald continued to upraid at the top of her voice, heediess* of the 
msdaimers and protestations of innocence poured out with ih» 
eloquence of despair, by the poor doctor. Matters were in tYm 
state, ivhen a man dressed in a fustian jacket, like a groom, drove 
up to the side of the road, in a tax-cart ; he immediately got dowfr, 
and tearing open the door of the doctor^s chaise, lifted out the 



ftaasig Iwd/f^uid^psmUeiiier safely in his own<inijreyiane»inaBri|f[ 



*i say, masleBf you'te im hide this moEoing^.that Mr. Willisai 
tmk the lotper road ; tor if Ae had eome up witii you, instesd nd 
me, he'd biowr the roof oif your s^ull, that's all." . 

While «th£se highly satisiactory words were being addiessedlo 
poor Fiiz., Mrs» Fitzgerald hadrremored from her carriage to thiit 
of 4ior husband, i^erhaps preferring four horses to two ; or perhaps, 
sbe had still some, unexplained views of the tramssustion, whick 
might as well be told on the road homeward. 

Whatarer might have been die nature of Mrs. F.'s dissertatioi^ 
nothing is known. The chaise containing these turtle doves arrii^ 
late at night at Kilkenny, and Fitz., was installed safely in his Quar- 
ters .b^re any one kiaew of Ms having come back. The foUlKW* 
mg morniiig he was reported 'ill ; and for three weeks he was bol 
Once seen, and that time only at his window, with a flannel nights 
cap oa his head, looking particularly pale, and rather dark under 
one eye. 

^6 for Gurzon-^^ last thtng knowu of him that luokless moTO:* 
sig, was hkt hiring a post-chaise for the Royal Oak, from whence 
he posted to Dublin, and hastened on to England, in a few dajra 
me learned that the adjutant had exchanged into a regiment m 
fianada ; and to this hour there are not Ihree men in the -^ih whd 
know the real secret of that morning^s mkadF^ilures. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

' . Astthereappeamdito "be bvit little prospeet of poor Fitz^feraldn 
MrquiFiag any explanation from me as toihe e^eictB of thattnonongv 
fi>r he fea«ed to venture from his room, 'lost hemight be recognised 
and proseouted for abduction, I thought it better to keep my emm 
ascretatso; and it was tteoefoire with a feeling of any thing IbuI 
tegFOt, that 4 received *an order which, under edier circmnstancsB^ 
would have readered one miserable — ^to march on detadiment daty . 
T/O any one at all conversant with the life we lead in :the army, i 
need not say how unpleasant such a change usually is. To ^ir*^ 
render your capital mess, with all its well appoimled equipments-^ 
your jovial brother officers — your West India Madeira — your>cocA 
tLafitCOT-your daily, hourly, and half-hoiwiy dSirtatiwra with the 
whole female :popvriation — ^never a deficient one in a garrison towir 
-*-not to speak of your Smatehes a:t 'trotting, coursing, and pigeoa; 
•hoetihg, and a hundred other rdelactable modes of getting over^ia 
gfiottiMl thjumgh lii% till k pleaa^ yoitt i]|Qg8alelal cous^.aiifilHth» 

• 15* 



f94 COHTBSSXOl^ or HABBT 10RR£Q91». '^, 

Hone Guards to make you a major^eceral-— to sorreoder all Umw, 
I say, for the noise, dust, and damp disagreeables of a country inQ| 
with bacon to eat, whiskey to drink, and the priest, or the consta- 
Iwilary* chief, to get drunk with — I speak of Ireland here— and 
your only affair par amours, being the occasional ogling of the 
apothecary^s daughter opposite, as often as she visits the shop, in 
the Boi disant occupation of measuring out garden seeds and senna. 
These are, indeed, the exchanges with a difference, for which there 
is no compensation ; and, for my own part, I never went upon such 
duty, that I did not exclaim with the honest Irishman, when the 
mail went over him, " 0, Lord ! what is this for ?^' — firmly believ 
kig that in the earthly purgatory of such duties, I was reaping the 
heavy retribution attendant on past offences. 
' Besides, from being rather a crack man in my corps, I thought 
it somewhat hard that my turn for such duty should come round . 
about twice as often as that of my brother officers ; but so it is — I 
never knew a fellow a little smarter than his neighbours, that was 
not pounced upon by his colonel for a victim. Now, however, I 
looked at these matters in a very different light. To leave head- 
quarters was to escape being questioned; while there was scarcely 
any post to which I could be sent, where soniething strange 6r 
adventurous might not turn up, and serve me to erase the memory 
of the past, and turn the attention of my companions in any quar- 
ter rather than towards myself. 

My orders on the^ present occasion were to march to Clonmel; 
from whence I was to proceed a short distance to the house of a 
magistrate, upon whose information, transmitted to the Chief Sec- 
retary, the present assistance of a military pdrty had been obtained ; 
-and not without every appearance of reason. The assizes of the 
town were about to be held, and many capital offences stood for 
trial in the calendar ; and as it was strongly rumoured that, in the 
event, of certain convictions being obtained, a rescue would be 
attempted, a general attack ^ upon die town seemed a too natural 
eonsequence ; and if so, the house oi so obnoxious a person as him 
I have, alluded to, would be equally certain of being assailed. 
Such, at least, is too frequently the history of such scenes, begin- 
ning with no one definite object: sometimes a slight one — ^more 
ample views and wider conceptions of mischief follow ; and what 
has begun in a drunken riot — ^a casual rencontre — ^may terminate 
in tile slaughter of a 'family, or the burning of a viUage. The 
finest peasantry —God bless them — are a vif people, and quicker 
at taking a hint than most others, and have, withal, a natural taste 
for fighting, that no acquired habits of other nations can pretend to 
vie ^ith. 

* As the worthy person to whose house I was now about^to pro- 
ceed was, and if I am rightly informed is, rather a remarkable cha- 
racter in the local history of Irish politics, I may as well say a few 
words concerning hkn. Mr. Joseph Larkins, Esq.-^(fpr so he 
ligned hunself)-— bad only be^'-n lately elevated to the bench ci 



eONFBSSIOKS 0]> HA&ET IiOJUUT^^VaB. ' IK 

: magistrates* He was originally one of that iai^ but intcffligmt 
class called in Iteland ^^ small farmers/' remazks^le chiefly for a 
considerable tact in driving harl bargains^-a great skill in wettiers 
-i-^ rather national dislike to pay all species of imposts, whether 
partaking of the nature of tax, tithe, grand jary cess, or any thing 
of that nature whatsoever. So very accountable — ^I had almosC 
said, (for I have been long quartered in Ireland,) so very Uudable 
a propensity, excited but little of surprise or astonishment u^ his 
neighbours, the majority of whom entertained very similar views-^ 
none, however, possessing any thing like the able and lawyerlik^ 
ability of the worthy Larkins, for the sucoessfiil evasion of these 
inroads upon the liberty of the subject. Such, in fact, was his 

. talent, and so great his success in this respect,^that he had estab* 
lished what, if it did not exactly aniount to a statue of exemption 
in law, served equally well in reality ; and for several years he en* 
joyed a perfect immunity on the subject of money-paying in gene* 

. nd. His ^< little houldin'," as he unostentatiously called some five 
hundred acres of bog, mountain, and sheep-walk, lay in a remote 
part of the county, the roads were nearly impassable for several 
imiles in that direction, land was of littte value ; the agent was a 
timid man with a large family ; of three tithe-proctors who had 
penetrated into the forbidden territory, two laboured under a dys- 
pepsia for life, not being able to digest parchment and sealing-wax, 
for they usually dined on their own writs ; and the third gave five 
pounds out of his pocket, to a large, fresh-looking man, with brown 
whiskers and beard, that concealed him two nights in a hay-loft, 
to escape the vengeance of the people, which act of pUlanthropy 
should never be foi^otten, if some ill-natured people were not bold 
enough to say that the kind individual in question was no other 
man than — • 

However this may be, true it is that this was the last attempt 
made to bring within the responsibilities of the law so refractory a 
subject; and so powerful is habit, that altbiugh he was to be met 
with at every market and cattle-fiiir in the county, an arrest of his 
person was no more contemplated than if he enjoyed the privilege 
of parliament to go at large without danger. 

When the country became disturbed, and nightly meetings of 
the peasantry were constantly held, followed by outrages against 
life and property to the most frightful extent, the usual resources 
of the law were employed unavailingly. It was in vain to ofiSur 
high rewards. Approvers could not be found; and so perfectly 
organised were the secret associations, that few beyond the very 
ringleaders knew any thing of consequence to communicate. S^ 
cial commissioners were sent down from Dublin ; additional police 
force, detachments of mUitary ; long correspondence took place 
between the magistracy and the government — but all in vain. The 
disturbances continued ; and at last to such a height bad they risen^ 
that the country was putnunder martial law; and even this was 
ultimately found perfectly insufficient to repei what now dailf 



•AieflteDed t6 beeoine on open lebeUnm laUier thaxi mem vgrnnmi 
^disturbance. It was at this precise moment, when all resoaitais 
seemed to be fetst exhausting themselves, that ceartaiii informatim 
leached jhe Castle, of 'the most important nsture. The individual 
Who obtained and transmitted it, had perilled bis life in so doings*- 
Imt the result was a great one-^no less than the capital convictkn 
and execution of seven of Ihe most influential amongst the dieitf- 
'liacted peasantry. Confidence was at onoe shaken in the aecieay 
4>f their associates; distrust and suspicion followed. Many of the 
lloldest sunk beneath the fear of betrayal, and themselves became 
evidence for the crown ; and in five months, a county shaken with, 
/midnight meetings, and blazing with insurrectionary fires, became 
aknost the most tranquil in its province. It may well be believed^ 
Ihat he who rendered this important service on this trying ^aner- 
.gency, could not be .passed over, and the name of J. Larkins soon 
jdler appeared in the Gazette as one of his Majesty -s justices of the 
ipeace for the oo\mty.; pretty much in the same spirit in which <a 
eountiry gentleman converts the greatest poacher in his neighbour ^ 
bood by making him his gamdteeper. , 

' . In person he was a large and powerfully built man, consid^rab^ 
•above six feet in height, and possessing great activity, combined 
with powers of endiuing fatigue almost incrediUe. With an eye 
like a hawk, and a. heart that never knew fear, he was the per$on, 
af all others, cakulated to stril^ tersor into the minds of the cotn- 
(tvy people. The reckless daring with which he threw himself iito 
danger — ^the almost impetuous quk^kness with which he followed 

Xa sceni, whenever information reached him o^ an important 
racter-^had their full effect upon a people who, loi^ accustola- 
^ to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law were almost 
paralysed at beholding detection and punishment follow on crim^ 
t|i9 certainly as the thuiider^rash follows tb6 lightning. 
. His goeat instrument . for this purpose was the obtaining infotma^ 
lion from sworn memi^iis of the secret sooieties, and whose name^ 
,«iever appeared in the course of a trial or prosecution, until the 
•Measure of their ihiquity was. completed, when they usually re- 
ceived a couple of hundred pounds, blood-money, as it was called^ 
iwith Which they took Ihenaselves away to America or Australia — 
^their lives being only secured while they remained, by the shelter 
jUlbrded them in the magistrate's own house. And so it h^p- 
ijpened that, constantly there numbered from ten to twelve of these 
^wretches, intnates of his family, each pf whom bad the burden of 
Murticipation in one murder at least, waiting for an opportunity to 
JaaPre the country, unnotioed and uiiwatch^. 

Such a frightful and unnatural state of things, can hardly be 
49ondeived; and yet,.shoGkinga^ it was, it was a relief to that which 
hA to it. I have dwelt, perhaps, too long upon this painful sub- 
jeet*^ but let my reader now accompany me a Httie farther, and the 
laeene shall be changfHl. Does he see that long, low, white house, 
IV^a.taU^ste^ roof^:porforated with innumerable narrow wii^ 



w SAittT i0M«<(tnEiai. 1T7 

There are ra lew strsgglmg beech trees, upoii a low/bledk- 
tookiog field bfefore tiie faocoe; whidh is called, jt^ar excellence^ liie 
» iamra^ a pig or two, some geesQ, and a tethered gpat are, here and 
Ibeie musing over the ostate of Ireland, while some rosy curly- 
Jieadad noisy, and baire^egged urchins are gambdlling before the 
'4»or« This is the dwelling of the wor^ipfid justice to which 
40^self and my party were now approaching, with (hat degree of 
Mti>Tity which attends on niost marches of twenty miles, under the 
^ppi»ssi;ve doseness of a day in autumn. Fatigued Bpd tired as I 
JM^s^yet I c©uld'not enter the little enclosure before the house, 
imtbout stopping for amom^it to admire the view before me. A, 
4aige'tra<^ of rich country, undulating on every side, and teeming 
. with com fields, in all the yellow gold of ripeness ; here and them 
mlmost hid by small clumps of ai^ and alder, were scattered some 
Bootlages, from which the blue smoke rose in a curling column into 
4hfi calm evening's sky. All was graceful, and beautifully tran- 
Ifml ; and you might have selected the picture as emblematic of 
^iiat. happiness and repose we so constantly associate with our ideas 
4if the country; and yet, befoi^ that sun had e^^ten set, which now 
sMtd the landscape, its glories would be replaced by tife lurid 
, ^are of nightly incendiariana, TB(nd— but here, fortimately for my 
^readeiT, and perhaps m3rself, I am interrupted in my meditations by 
aririi, melUfiuous accent saying, in the true Doric of the south — 

"=Mr. Loorequer I you're welcome to Cunyglass, sir. You've 
had a hot day fer your march. Maybe you'd take a taste of sherry 
bafiiee dinner? Well, then, weUl 'not wait for Molowny, but order 
St up at once.'' 

4i} saying, I was Jcnhcred into a long, low drawing-room, ia 
3wfaioh w<are:Gallaeted togetter about a dozen m^, to whom I wtt 
$|»eoiaUy axidiseveraUy presented, and among whom I was happy 
tt)'fiisd my bonrdttig-house acquaintance, Mr. Daly, who, with the 
(itfiBfs, had arrived that same day, for the assises, and who wem 
all^membersof the legal pro€ission, either barristers, attorneys CT 
clerks of the peace. 

The hungry aspecft of the e9nrvives,'no less than the i^eed with 
isihich dmoer made its appearance after my arrival, showed me 
that ray coming was only watted ^or to complete the party— the 
MT.iMolowny before alluded to, being unanimously voted presents 
The meal itself had but slight fHretensions to elegance ; there were 
Btfttther vol au vents; xwr croquettes ; neither were there poukts 
auw iffuffes, nor cotellettes aki souiihe ; but in their place stood u 
bfdly fish of some five-and«twenty pounds weight, a massive 
sirloin, with all thjB usual armament of fowls, ham, pigeon-pie, 
beef-steak, &c.!^ lying in rather a promiscuc^us order along either 
bide of the table. The party were evidently disposed to be satis- 
fi«d, and i acknowledge, I did not prove an exception to the learned 
individuals about me, either in my relish for the good things, or 
my 'appetite to enjoy them. Dauke-csi desipere in hco, sstys some 
one, by which I suppose is meant, that a rather slang compaiiy ^ 



occasionally good fun. Whether £r<un my taste for the ^< humani- 
ties" or not, I am unable to say, but certainly in my then humour^ 
I should not have exchanged my position for one of much greater • 
pretensions to elegance and ton. There was first a g^ieral on- 
slaught upon the viands, crashing of plates, jingling of knives, 
mingling with requests for^^^more beef," ^Hhe hard side of tixe 
salmon,'^ or ^^ another sUce of ham." Then came a dropping fiie 
. of drinking wine, which quickly increased, the decanters of sherry 
for about ten minutes resting upon the table about as long as 
Taglioni touches thb mortal earth in one of her flying ballets* 
Acquaintances were quickly formed between the members of the 
bar and myself, and I found that my momentary popularity was 
likely to terminate in my downfall ; for, as each introduction was 
followed by a bumber of strong sherry, I did not expect to last 
till the end of the feast. The cloth at length disappeared, and I was 
Just thanking Providence for the respite from hob-nobbing wbkk 
I amagined was to follow, when a huge, square decanter of whiskey 
appeared, flanked by an enormous jug of boiling water, and re- 
newed preparations for drinking upon a large scale seriously com- 
menced. It was just at this moment that I, for the first time, 
{perceived the rather remarkable figure who had waited upon us 
at dinner, and who, while I cluronicle so many things of little 
import, deserves a slight mention. He was a Uttle old man of 
about fifty-five or sixty years, wearing upon his head a barrister's 
wig, and habited in clothes which originally had been the costume 
•of a very large and bulky person, and which consequently added 
much to the drollery of his appearance. He had been, for forty 
years, the servant of Judge Vandeleur, and had entered his pre- 
sent service rather in the light of a preceptor than a menial, inta- 
riably dictating to the worthy justice upon every occasion of 
etiquette or propriety, by a reference to what << the judge himself' 
did, whidi always sufficed to carry the: day in Nicholas's. favor, 
opposition to so correct a standard never being thought of by the 
justice. 

" That's Billy Crow's own whiskey, the * small still/ " said 
Nicholas, placing the decanter upon the table, ^make much of it, 
for there isn't such dew in the eounty."^ 

With this commendation upon the liquor, Nicholas departed, 
and we proceeded to fill our glasses. 

I cannot venture — ^perhaps it is so much the better that I caxmot ' 
— ^to give any idea of the conversation which at once broke out, 
as J the barriers that restrained it had at length given way. But 
law talk in all its plenitude, followed; and for two hours I heard 
of nothing but writs, detainers, declarations, traverses in prox, vad 
alibis, wi& sundry hints for qui tarn processes j interspersed, occa- 
sionally, with sly jokes about packing juries and confusing wit- 
nesses, among which figured the usual number of good things attri- 
buted to the Chief Baron O'&rady and tibe other sayers of smart 
sayings at the bar. 



coKMSJaiairs ov uammx i«oftft«^9»B. 179 

/' Ah !^^ skid Mr. Daly, drawing a. deep fog^ at the saiae iostaiit 
*-^^the bar is sadly Men off since I was called in the year 
seventy-six. There wad not a leader in one of the circuits at 
that time that couldn't puzzle any jury that ^yer sat in a box ; and 
as for driving through an act of parliament, it wasf aa Sandio 
.Panza says, cakes and gingerbread to them. And then, there is 
one especial talent lost forever to the present generation — just like^ 
stained glass and illuminated manuscripts, and slow poisons and' 
the like — that were all known years ago^ mean the beautiful 
art of ad(kessing the judge before the jury, and not letting them 
know you were quizzing them> if ye liked to do that same. Poor 
Peter Purcell for that — rest his ashes — be could cheat the devil 
himself if he had need — and maybe he has had before now. Peter 
is sixteen years dead last I>fovember.'' 

"And what was Peter's peculiar ta<^ in that respect, Mr. Daly ?*' 
said I. 

" 0, then I might try for hours to explain it to you in vain ; but; 
I'll just give you an instance that'll show you better than all my 
dissertations on the subject, and I wds present myself when it hap- 
pened, more by token, it was the first time I ever met him on cur- 
«uit : — 

" I suppose there is scarcely any one here now, except myself, 
daat remembers the great cause of Mills versus Mulcahy, a widow 
.and others, that was tried at Ennis, in the year '82. It's no mat- 
ter if there is not. Perhaps it may be more agreeable for me, for 
I can tell my story in my own version, and not be interrupted. 
Well, that was called the old. record, for they tried it seventeen 
tin^s. 1 believe, on my conscience, it killed old Jones, who was 
.in the common pleas; he used to say, if he put it for trial on the 
<lay of judgment, one of the parties would be sure to lodge an ap- 
peal. Be that as it may, the Millses engaged Peter special, and 
brought him down with a great retainer, in a chaise and four, flags 
flyings and favours in the postilions' bats, and a fiddler on the roof, 
playing the ^ hare in the com.' The inn was illuminated the same 
evening, and Peter made a speech from the windows upon the 
liberty of the press and religious freedom all over the globe, and 
tiiere wasn't a man in the mob did^nt cheer him, which was the 
anore civile because few of them knew a word of Engli^, and the 
others thought he was a play-actor. But it all went off well, never* 
thelesSyfor Peter was a clever fellow ; and although he liked money 
well, be liked popularity more, and he never went any where spe- 
cial that he had'nt a public meeting of some kind or other, either 
.4o aboUsh rents, or suppress parsons, or some such popular and 
beneficial scheme, which always made him a great favourite with 
the people, and got him plenty of clients. But I am wandering 
from the record. Purcell came down, as I said before, special for 
MUls; and when he looked over his brief, and thought of the csbse, 
fas determined to have it tried by a gentlemen jury, for although 
he was a great man with the mob; be liked the. country gentlemen 



180 nmfwmamM^s wf latAttaT lorbsqvsb. 



\tti1itie jury box, for he was |ilway8 coming out with quota- 
ilVDDS firom the dassics, which, whether the grand jury nndenrtood 
**r nol, they always applauded very much. Well, when he came 
into court that morning, you may guess his surprise and mortifl- 
icntion t4>£ud that the same jury that had tried a common eject- 
ment case^ were still in the box, and waiting, by the chief jnstice'9 
idirection,to try Mills versus Mulcahy, the greait case of the ^A 
mzes. • . ' 

'** I hear they were a set of common dod-hopping wretches, with 
jfiize jcoats and brogues, that no maih «ould get round at ail, for 
tbey weise as cunning as foxes, and couid tell blarfiey from good 
3Bnse, rather better than people witih bfetter coats on them. 

**,Now, the moment that Mr. Purcell came into the court, after 
bowing politely to the judge, he looketf up to the box, and When 
fie saw the dirty faces of the dealers in poric and potatoes, and /he 
unshaven chins of the small farmers, his heart fell within him, and 
iie knew in a. minute how little they'd care for the classics^-if he 
iqaoted Csesar's Coinmentaries itself for them^--^ignarant creatures 
«6 they were ! t 

" Well, the cause was called, and up gets Peter, and be be^m 

to *^ express,' (as he always called it himself,) < the great distress 

{his client and himiself would labour under, if the patient and most 

intelligent jury dien on the panel should cmne to the consideration 

of so very tedious. a case as this promised to be, after their already 

most. fatiguing exertions;' he conrn^nted upon their absence ^fi'om 

ftbeir wives and families, itheir ferms neglected, their crops ^haivstrd- 

led, and in about fifteen mirmtes he showed ^them they were, if 

not speedily released and sent home, worse treated and harder 

.used than many of the prisoners condemned to three months' im- 

l^risonment; and actually so faT worked upon the feelings of the 

lehief himself, that he turned to the 'fbrenaan of the jury and said^ 

<that although it was a great. deviation from his habitual praCttise, 

df at this pressing season their .prospects were mvolved lo tl^^eJ^ 

.tent the learned counsel had pictured, why then, that he w%>%ild <eo 

^r bend his practice on thisocoasi<MD, and they 3boukll»e*diaiiissed.'^ 

li^w, Peter, I must confess, here : showed the emost culpable %mk 

jranee in not knowing that a set of ecMmtfy fellows, put up in a jury 

^box, would rctdier let every blade of com rot in the ground, fthsm 

.give up what tbey always supposed /so very 'I'espedtabie an ap*- 

jpointment; for they invariably imagine in these ^cases fhat they aofo 

something very like my lord the judge, ^barrin' the ermine;'^ *b^ 

«8ides, that on the present occasion, Peter's argument in their favour 

^decided them upon staying, for they n^w felt like martyrs, asf 

(firmly believed that they were putting the chief justice under lA 

'Oblation for life. ' 

" When, therefore, they heard the question of the court, it did 
not take a moment's time for the whole body to rise en masset^xidk 
bowing to the judge, call out, ^ We'll slay, my lord, and try ererjr 
another's son of them for you ; ay^ if it lasted till Cttnastmas.' 



0«*va»flxcr9s n kjishv. unmrn^csmm UI 



^ I am store, my Ierd>?''8aid Peter^edlecStingMntalffor ati effarc^ 
'I cannot sufficiently axptes&niy gra/tiiliide fotf die graat aaeiffios 
these gifted and highly intelligent gentlemen are making in my 
client's behalf; for, being persons who have great interests in the 
country at stake, their conduct ^i the present occassion is the more 
praiseworthy ; and I am certain they fully appreciate, as does your 
lordship, the difficulty of the case before us, when docmnents will 
be submitted, requiring a celjaiii d^gte^ 0{ acquaintance with such 
testimonials sufficiently to comprehend. Many of the title deeds, 
as your lordship is ai^are-, being, obtained mider old abbey char- 
ters, are in the learned languages ; and we, all know how home to 
om heattv and bosoms eomes the beautiful line of the Gireekipoet 
^ vacims viator cantabtt ante latronem.' '^ The souod of the qjOOK 
tetion soused) ttie dtief justice, who had been in some measure ior^ 
atteatiTB to the preeediog part of the leaeoed counsel 'a addressyaad 
be called out rather sAiarply^ ^ Greek ! Mr. Puxeell — why I must 
bjKve mistaken — will yau repeat the passage ?" 

^ < With pleasure, my lord. I was just observing, to your lordr^ 
ship and the jury, with the elegant poet Hergesius, ^ Vacuus viat<Ni 
cai^abit ante latronem.' 
«« Greek, did you call it ?' 
^ * Yes, my lord, of course I did.' 

"^ Why, Mr. Puicell, you are quoting' Latin to me^^and what 
do yon mea^ by talking of the learned Hergesius/and Greek all 
IhiS' time ? — ^the line is Javenal'&' 

<< < My lord, with mueh submission* to your lordship, and every 
deference to your great attainments and very superior talents,, let 
me still assure yon that I am quoting' Greek, and thaX your lorddiip 
is in error.' 

<< ^ Mr. Purcell, I have only to remark, that if you are desiroua 
tamake a jest of the eourt; you had better be cautious I say ; sir,' 
and here the judged waxed exceeding wroth, < I say the line i» 
I^Mt-^Latin, sir, Juvenal's Latin, sir — every schoolboy knows it !' 
"< Of course,, my lord,' said Peter, with great humilitjr, ^I bowr 
myself to the decision of your lordship ; the line is, therefore, Latin* 
Vet I m^^y be permitted to hint that were ycMir lordship disposed 
to submit this question, as you are shortly about to do another and 
a sinutar one, to those clear-sighted and intelligent gentlemen there, 
I am satisfied, my lord, it would be Greek to every man of them. 

<< The look, the voice, and the peculiar emphasis with which 
Peter gave these words, were perfectly successful The acute 
judge anticipated the wish of the counsel — th^ jury were dismiss- 
ed, and Peter proceeded to his case before those he knew better 
bow to deal with, and with whom the result was more certain to 
be as he wished it" 

To this anecdote of the counsellor, succeeded many others, o£ 

vhteh, as the whiskey was potent and the hour late, my memory 

is Qot over retentive : the party did not break up till near four 

e^elook.; and even then,, our semnce only concluded, because som0 

16 



168 oowvsasioiis ow hah&t iiOBms^raiu 

one gravely remarked ^ that as we dioBld be all aetiTely engaged 
on ^ moirov^ early hours were adviflable/' 



CHAPTER XIX. 

THB ASSIZE TOWN. 



I BAB not been above a week in my new quarters, when my 
servant presented me, among my letters one morning, with a 
packet, which, with considerable pains, I at length recognised to be 
directed to me. The entire envelope was covered with writing in 
various hand|, among which I detected something which bore a 
&int resemblance to my name ; but the address which followed 
was perfectly unreadable, not only to me as it appeared, but also 
to the " experts'' of the different post-offices, for it had been fol- 
lowed by sundry directions to try various places beginning with T, 
which seemed to be the letter commencing the " great unknown 
locality :" thus I read << try Tralee,'' « try Tyrone,'^ ''try Tander- 
agee,*' &c., &c. I wonder that they didn't add, "try Teheran,'' and 
I suppose they would at last, rather than abandon the pursuit. 

*' But Stubber,'' said I, as I conned over the various addresses 
on this incomprehensible cover, " are you sure this is for me ?" 

" The postmaster, sir, desired me to ask you if you'd have it, for 
he has offered it to every ^nedown in these parts lately ; the water- 
guard officers will take it at 8d. sir, if you won't, but I begged you 
might have the refusal." 

. " ! very well ; I am happy to find matters are managed so 
impartially in the post-office here. Nothing like a public cant for 
making matters find their true level. Tell the postmaster, then, 
Pll keep the letter, and the rather, as it happens, by good luck, to 
be intended for me." 

** And now for the interior,*' said I, as I broke the seal, and 
read : 

<*Parti, Rue Castigtionc. 
" My dear Mr. Lorrequer — ^As her ladyship and my son have in 
vain essayed to get anything from you in the shape of reply to 
their letters, it has devolved upon me to try my fortune, which, 
were I to augur from the legibility of my writing, may not, I 
should fear, prove more successful than the" — ^— (what can the 
word be?) "the — the" — why, it can't be damnable, surely?— no, 
it isamfable I see — "than the amiable epistle of my lady. I can- 
not, however, permit myself to leave this Tlirithout apprising you 
that we are about to start for Baden, where we purpose remaining 
a month or two. Your cousin Guy, who has been staying for 



GonrXMioKs or hamt %joj»mwbm. 189 

flome time with us, has been obliged to set out for Gkneva, Imt 
hopes to join in some weeks hence. He is a great favorite with 
us aU, but has not effaced the memory of our older friend, your- 
self. Could you not find means to come over and see us — if only 
a flying visit ? Rotterdam is the xoute, and a few days would bring 
y oU to our quarters. Hoping that you may feel so disposed, I have 
enclosed herewith a letter to the Horse Guards, which I trust may 
jbcilitate your obtaining leave of absence. I know of no other 
mode of making your peace with the ladies, who are too highly 
incensed at your desertion to send one civil pc»toript to this letter ; 
and Kilkee and mjrself are absolutely exhausted in our defmce of 
you. Believe me yours; truly, 

^ Callokbt." 

Had I received an oflicial notification of my being appointed 
paymaster to the forces, or chaplain to Chelsea hospital, I believe 
I should have received the reformation with less isurprise than I 

Serused this letter — that after the long interval which had elapsed, 
uring which I had conaldered myself totelly forgotten by tlus 
fiimily, I should now receive a letter — and such a letter too— quite 
in the vein of our former intimacy and good feeling, inviting me 
to their house, and again professing their wiUingness that I should 
be on the terms of our old familiarity — ^was little short of wonder- 
ful to me. I read too-— yith what pleasure ? — ^that slight mention 
of my cousin, whom I had so long regarded as my succcessful rival, 
but who I began now to hope had not been preferred to me. Per- 
haps it was not yet too late to think that all was not hopeless. It 
appealed, too, that several letters had been written which had 
never reached me ; so, while I accused them of neglect *and forget- 
fulness, I was really more amenable to the charge myself; for, from 
the moment I had heard of my cousin Guy's having been domes- 
ticated amongst them, and the rumors of his marriage had reached 
me, I suffered my absurd jealousy to blind my reason, and never 
wrote another line after. I ought to have known how « bavarde/^ 
Guy always was — ^that he never met with the most common-place 
attentions any where, that he did not immediately write home 
about settlements and pin-money, and portions for younger chil- 
dren, and all that sort of nonsense. Now I saw it all plainly, and 
ten thousand times quicker than my hopes were extinguished 
before, were they again kindled, and I could not refrain from re- 
garding Lady Jane as a mirror of constancy, and myself the most 
foijfunate man in Europe. My old castle-building propensities 
came back upon me in an instant, and I pictured myself with Lady 
Jane as my companion, wandering among the beautiful; scenery 
of the Neckar, beneath the lofty ruins of Heidelberg, or skimming 
the plslcid surjface of the Rhine, while, ** mellowed by distance,'* 
came the rich chorus of a student's melody,* filling the air with its 
flood of song. How delightful, I thought, to be reading the lyrics 
of Uhland, or Burger, with one so capable of appreciating them; 



rd4 eemmssioir^ ot »Ainrr losifiBQinEfit. 

with all the ballcytred aaeoeiBlloiis of ftie^Vaferland" abottfi»1 
Yen, said I aiond, tQpmthig the well^mown line df a Germaa 
*Lied''— 

** Bftknoizt mit Laoby den lieben volUa BaBher/' 

<* Uponi my eonsGieiice/' said Mr«ij)ai7, who had for so^me' Mme 
poU; been ia silent adsoiraiioii of my stage-struck appearafic^iu-^ 
^ iipo» my cooscieiice^ Mr. Lorvequerf I had no oonoeption fern 
knew Irish;'' 

The mighty talisatan* of the counseHor's voice brought me Imdk 
^ ia a moment to a eDUeoiousiiess of where I was theas standing, and 
\ the still more unfortmiate fact that I wa« only a sttbaitem ia his 
! majesty's— thr-—. 

! " Why, my dear comisellor, that was German I was quoting, not 
Irish." 

<< With all my heart," said Mr. Daly breaking the top of his 
third egg-^^ with all my heart ; I'd rather you'd talk it dian ma 
Mueh conversati)on in that tongue, I'm thinking, would be migkty 
Apt to loosen one's teeth." 

<<.Not at all, it is the most /beautiful language in Europe, and 
the most musical too. Why, even in your own peculiar taste in 
such matters, where can you find any language so rich in Baceha^ 
jialian songs as the German ?" 

" I'd rartier hesfr the " Cruiskeen Lawn" or the " Jug of Puneh," 
as my old friend Pat Sampson could sing them, than a seore of 
your high Dutch jawbreakers." 

<^ Shame upon ye, Mr. Daly ; and for pathos, for true feeling) 
where is there any thing, equal to Schiler's ballads ?" 

" J don't think I've ever heard any of his ; but if you will talk 
of ballads," said the counselor, <^give me did Mosey M'Gany'S': 

what's finer thaa" and here began, with a mpat nasal twang 

and dolorous emphasis^ to sing — 

" * And I stepped up unto her, 

An* I made a congeffr^- 
And I ax'dheT herpardoi^ 

For the making 00 free." 

^ And then the next verse^ she sap — 

• Are you goin' to undo me. 
In thifl desert alone V-— — 

*' There's a shake there." 

" For Heaven's satke," I cried, " stop ; when I spoke of baUadSi 
I never meant such infernal stuff as that." 

" I'll not give up my knowledge of ballads to any man breaihi- 
ing," said Mr. Daly ; ^^ and, with God's blessing I'll sing you one 
this evening^ after dinner, that will give you a cramp in the sto- 
mach," 

An animated discussion upon lyrical poetry was here interrupted 
by a summons from our host to set out for the town My party 



fiourt hou89, ia the ev^nt of aay neriws 4ii3ti»lwQep, wbi^h A«^ 
existed but too much reason to fear fipm the higUjr exoited Btale of 
Jiielmg ou the subject of the approachiag trials. The sokUem ^vml^ 
nnder the guidance of Mr. Laricinsy aafelf escooced ta a taa-yasi;; 
and I myself, having consigned them for the present to a noiHUWh 
miasioBed officer, was left, at perfect Ub6i:|ty to dii^ose ef nsy lime 
And person as it might pl^^uie me. 

While the^e arrangements were taking idaoe, I had eatirelfr loit 
flight of Mr. Daly, under whose guidance and protection I irMbli 
to obtain a place within the bar to hear the tprials; to that I "wmt 
now perfectly alcine^ for my host's numeroua aToeatbii^ eolMf 
precluded any thought of putting myself under iaaoire* ^ 

My first object wa^ to reach tbe Qourt^aeerand th^te eeiild 
be little difficulty iu finding it, for the throng of persons in 4l# 
ftreet were all eagerly bending their way thither. I aoeordo^ 
followed with the streamt and soon found myself among aa QnMrv 
ixfeous multitude of frieze-coated and i^ed^loaked people, of luMtti 
sexes, in a large open square, which formed the msorket-plaee, «m 
«ido of which was flanlmd by the court-house— for ae sueh I Mr 
mediately recognized a massiveJooking gray atone buildiag-Hhl 
which the numerous windows, all open and filled with pe<^piib 
exhaled a continued ^ream from the ci^wded atmospbeie withiil^ 
To approach it was perfectly impofoible : for the square wae pacM 
wa closely, that as the people approa<4;ied* by the various siiMllL 
they were obliged to stand in the avenues leadiB|[ to il, and recMl 
what was going on from a distance. Of this large multitude f 
eoon became one, hoping that at length some fortunate opportioailir 
might enable me to obtain admission thrwgh eomeof myJiifll 
^ acquaintance& 
^ That the fate of those who' were then upon their trial for tfiidi 
lives absorbed the entire feelings of those without, a momeneuff 
glance at the hundreds of anxious and care-worn faces in mk 
crowd, would completely satisfy. Motionless and silenttfaey sloedf 
they felt no fatigue-^no want of food or. refreshment--their interalt 
was one and undivided— all tbdr ho^s and fears w«re centered \A 
iSofi events then passing at a short distanee from diem, but to whiok 
their ignorance iinparted an additional and moore painful excite- 
ment— the only information of how matters w^re going on betan 
by an occasional word, sometimes a mere gesture from' some am 
Stationed in the windows to a friend in the crowd. / ' 

When the contemplation of this sii^ularly impressive scsM wii 
beginning to weary from the irksomeaess of my position, 1 thought 
of retiring; but soon discovered how impossible was such a stsy^ 
The crowd had blocked up so completely all the avenues of ap 

S roach, that even had I suooiBeded in getting from the market^pl«o% 
; would be only to rwiain finaly inqpacted amyong ihe meb iftlki 
Street* 
It now also occomd 10 nie, llmt altlmngh i had bwi I 

16* S A 



4M Mimflsioirs of SABttr lorbsqitsb. 

Ijarkins no call coqM posrfbty be wMe upon my senriiees or (hose 
^ my party till after the trials yet, were that to conclude at any 
Bioment, I should be perfecdy unable to regain the place where X 
iiad stationed them, and the most serious consequences might 
^Dsae from the absenfee of their officer, if the men were required 
loact 

From the tkn& this thought took possession of me, I became 
excessively uncomfortable. Every expression of the people that 
denoted the progress of the trial, only alarmed me for the conclu- 
«ion, which I supposed, might not be distant, and I began, with all 
my ingenuity, to attempt my retreat, which, after halif an hour's 
Mvero struggle, I completely abandoned, finding myself scarcely 
ten yards from where I started. 

At length, tiie counsel for the crowu, who had been speaking 
to evidence, ceased ; and an indistinct murmur was heard througn 
the c6urt-house, which was soon repressed by the voice of the 
erier oalling ^ silence.'^ All now seemed still and silent as the grave 
— ^yet, on listening attentively, for some time, you could catch the 
tow tones of a voice speaking, as it appeared, with great delibera- 
ti<m and downess. This was the judge addressing the jury. In a 
short time this also ceased ; and, for about half an hour, the silence 
was perfectly unbroken, and both within and without there reigned 
one intense and aching sense of anxiety that absorbed every feel- 
ing, „and imparted to every face an expression of almost agonizing 
uncertainty. It was, indeed, a space well calculated to excite such 
emotions. The jury had retired to deliberate upon their verdict 
At length, a door was heard to open, and the footsteps of the jury, 
nn they resumed their places, sounded through the court, and were 
heard by those without. How heavily upon many a stout heart 
those footsteps fell ! They had taken their seats— then came an- 
other pause — ^after which the monotonous tones of the clerk of the 
court were heard, addressing the jury for their verdict. As the 
foreman rises every ear is bent— every eye strained — every heart- 
string vibrates : his lips move, but he is not heard ; he is desired by 
ttie judge td speak louder ; the colour mounts to his before bloodless 
fece 5 he appears to labour for a few seconds with a mighty effort, 
and,, at last, pronounces the words, « Guilty, my Lord, all guilty !*' 

I have heard ttie wild war-whoop of the red Indian, as, in Ids 
own pipe forest, he has unexpectedly come upon the track of his 
£>e, and the almost extinguished hope of vengeance has been 
kindled again in his cruel heart — I have listened to the scarcely 
loss savage hurra of a storming party, as they have surmounted 
the cmmbling ruins of a breach, and devoted to fire and sword, 
with that one yell, all who await them — and once in my life it has 
been my fortune to have heard the last yell of defiance from a 
pirate crew, as they sunk beneath the raking fire of a frigate, 
laflier than surrender, and went^down with a cheer of defiance 
that rose even above the red artillery that destroyed but could not 
fabdm tfaem^but netaer, in any or all of these awful moments, 



MUfMBBieirs or mammy xawam^tmn. IWf 

tt my heart Tibrate la aucfa sesaaSa as 76Qt tihie air when the fittal 
^ Guilty was heard by those within, and repeated to those with* 
out It was not grief-— it was not despair — ^neitber was it the cry 
of diarp and irrepressible anguirii, from a suddenly blighted hopre 
-^but it was the long pent-op and carefully concealed burst of feel- 
ing which cidled aloud for vengeance — red and reeking revenge 
upon all who had been instrumental in the sentence then delivered. 
It ceased, and I looked towards the court-house, expecting that an 
immediate and desperate attack upon the building and those whom 
it contained would at once take place. But nothing of the kind 
ensued; the mob were already beginning to disperse, and before I 
recovered perfectly from the excitement of thetfe few and terrible 
moments, the square was nearly empty, and I almost felt^as if the 
wild and frantic denunciation that still rang through my ears, had 
been conjured up by a heated and fevered imagination. ^ 

When I again met our party at the dinner table, I could not 
help feeling surprised on perceiving how little they sympathised in 
my feeling for the events of the day; which, indeed, they only 
alluded to in a prc^esmonal point of view — criticising the i^eeches 
of the counsel on both sides, and the character of the different wit- 
nesses who were examined. 

" Well,*' said Mr. Daly, addressing our host, *' you never could 
have had a conviction to-day if it wasn't for Mike. He's the best 
evidence I ever heard. Pd like to know very much how you ever 
got so clever a fellow completely in your clutches ?'' 

<< By a mere accident, and very simply,'' replied the justice. " It 
was upon one of our most crowded fair days-^half ihe county 
was in town, when the information arrived that the Wailshes were 
muidered the night before, at the cross-roads above Telenamuck 
mills, "the news reached me as I was signing some tithe war- 
rants, one of which was against Mickey. I sent foT him into the 
office, knowing that as he was in the secret of all the evil doings^ . 
I might as well pretend to do him a service, and offer to stop the 
warrant, out of kindness, as it were. Well, one way or another,, 
he was kept waiting for several hours while I was engaged in 
•writing, and all the country people, as they passed the window, 
could look in and see Mickey Sheehan standing before me while I 
was employed busily writing letters. It was just at this time that 
a mounted policeman rode in with the account of the murder; 
upon which I immediately issued a warrant to arrest the two Mac 
JSeiis and Owen Shirley upon suspicion. I thought I saw Mike 
turn pale, as I said the names over to ihe serjeant of police, and F 
at once determined to turn it to account; so I immediately began 
talking to Mickey about his own affairs, breaking off, every now 
and then, to give some.directipns about the men to be captured^ 
The crowd outside was increasing every instant, and you need not 
have looked at their faces twice, to perceive that they had regarded 
Mickey as an approver ; and the same night that saw the Mac 
I^^eils m custody, witnessed the burning of Sheeban's house and 



^ B9A tie <N# awi^pad bf » qmpnclA <imr;4D- 

«iiei»9 ^oae^ undei my prAt^clioB, wUh the imj^meiUMi upm 
^hiuraisier. of having tmoei King's cFi^eoce, I bad Uttla 4roiible iai 
fanttadiag him that be might as well bopafit by tba report aaenjof. 
the aiaune without the gain. He soon complied^ and the aeoFictiooi 
•f this day ace partly the result.'' 

When the applause wbJoh greeted this^everstroke^ of our host 
]M(d subsided, I inquired what results might, in ftU likelihood, &A^ 
tow the proeeedingf of which I bad that day been a witness ? 

«< Nothing will be. done immediately," replied the justice, ^'b%> 
itause we have a large force of police and military about us ; hik 
let either, or unhappily both be withdrawn^ aj&d the cry you heajfiA 
giveH in the miurkat-place to^y will be the death-wail £or inosa 
than one of those who are well and bearty at this moment" 

The train of thought inevUably foroeid upon me by all J[ had beaii 

It spectator of during the day, lAit little disposed me to be ajar- 

triour m the mirth and conviviality^ whicb^ as usual, formed tlm 

9t9th o| the assize dmners of Mr. Laricins ; and I accordii^y tod( 

-m^audy o^poitiuuty to cjuit the company and retire for theiii(bl. 



CHAPTER XXt 



A DAT lUf DlJBha. 



Ov the third day of my ^residence ai CurryglasSp arrived mf 
friend, Mortimer, to replace me, bringing my leave from, the colo- 
nel, and a most handsome letter, in wnidi he again glanced at the 
prospect before me in the Callonby family, and hinted at mj desti- 
nation, which I had not alluded to, adding, that if I made the pre<- 
tence of Atudy In Germany the reason for my application at the 
Horse Guards, I should be almost cert^n to obtain a six montns* 
leave. With what spirits I ordered Stubber to pack up my pert- 
isnanteau, and secure *our places in the Dublin mail for that night, 
while I myself hurried to take leave of my kind entertainer and * 
his guests, as well as to recommend to their &.vour and attention xaj 
excellent friend Mortimer, who, being a jovial fellow, not at all in ^ 
love, was a happy ejsrfiange for 'me, who, deqpite Ikily's capital 
stories, had spent the last two days in watching the high road foir 
my successor's arrival. 

. Once more, then, I bade adieu to Curryglass and its hospitable 
owner, whose labours for "justice to Ireland" I shall long remember, 
and depositing myself in the bowels of his majesty's mail,igare 
wajr to the full current of my hopes and imaginings, which at last 
ended in a sound and refreshing sleep, from which I only awokl 
as we drew up at the door of the Hibemiajv ia Dawson-street. 



' TtmAM tetea^Iy boar fheni ims oooftidnabU biMtfe miA «e- 
iMijr ef MtpaMtido, iriiidi I was at soiBfi lea to aocouot for, ttt 
Mbrnied by Ae imler that there ^wvepfr upwards of Owe bimdMl 
M ii n^i s gft in fte haliae^ it beim the day of hk majesty's ezpeetad 
ttrirdi on bis Tint to IrelanaTand a very confiiderable seetim 0E. 
tiie eomty Galway being at that moment^ viA their wives anA 
faimilies, installed, for the occasion, in this, their favorite hotel. 
'« Although i fa»d been oeadmg of fbas appcoadiiog event every 
dny fi>r thelast three mouths, I could not fa^ fteiing snrpriaed at 
tlir intense appearance of exdteinent it occasioned, and, in ib» few 
minutes' conv^ieatioa I held with the waiter, learned the total imr 
pesribilky of procindBg a lodging any where, and that I eould not 
hKf e a bed, even were I to o&r five guiiieas for it Having tberefoiw 
no indinaition to sleep even upon easier terms, I ordered my break* 
fast to be ready at ten, and set out upcMi a stroll through the town. 
I eOQid not help in my short ramble trough the streets, per ceiv-> 
ing how admirably adapted were the worthy Dubliniles for all tb^ 
honours that awuted them ; garlands of flowers, tranqparenete% 
flags, add the oUier insignia of rejoicing, were every where in pnK 
|Bialian, and, at the end of Sackville street, a considerable eree^ 
liHii^ very muchresCTobting an impromptu gallows, was being bnfll^ 
fv the purpose, as I afterwards leamed, of giving the worshipful the; 
hard mayor the opportunity of opening the city gates to royalty^ 
areatBig the obstacle where none existed ; being a very ingenioiiH 
eonceit, and considerable Irish mto tiie bargain. I caidd not Ueipt 
ilelvDg some desire to witness how all riiould go off,, to use tba 
Aeatiieal phrase ; but, in my anxiety to get on to the continent; I 
ait once abandoned every thought ot delay. When I neturned (e^ 
Ibe eofiee^room of my hotet, I found it crowded to excess ; ^vegr, 
Bifle/tabley origincdly destined for the accommodation oi one, bav«> 
Iflgi^ kiast two, and sometimes three occupants. In my hurried 
glance round the room,, to decUe where I riiould place myself I 
Wtts considerably struck widi the appearance of a stout elderly 
fsntlemaa with red whiskers, and a^iigfa, bald forehead ; he.hat^ 
aUhoi^ the day was an oppressively hot one, three-waistcoats^^ 
and by the brown York tan of his long topped boots, evinoed a 
flMry considerable contempt either for weather or fashion ; in tho 
t^sick glance of his idiarp gray eye,* I read that he listened half 
dbabtingly to tbe.nanrative of his companion, whose back wa# 
turned towards me, but who appeared fromtttbe occasi(»ial wozdp 
which reached me, to be giving a rather marvellous and melodra- 
matic version of the expected pleasures of the capital. There was 
fometbiag in the tone of the speaker^s voice that I thought I recog- 
nised ; I accordingly drew near, and what was my surprise to dis- 
cover my friend Tom O'Flaherty. After our first salutatipn was 
over, Tom presented me' to his friend, Mr. Burke, of somewhere^ 
who* be continued to inform me, in a stage whisper, was a <^ regit- 
}fur dust,'' and never in Dublin in his life before. 

t<<^AadJo you say sir, thai his majesty cannot enter without thf^ 
permission of the lord mayor ?'' 



^And the aldaimeii toio/^ replM Tom. <<It isaneld IMU 
ceremony ; wh^x his majesty oomes up to the gate» be demmii 
admissioiij aod the lord mayor refuses, because he would be. thai 
surreudering his great prerogatiye o( head of the city ; then the 
ddermen get about him> and cajole him, and by degrees he's voa 
over by the promise of being knighted, and the king gains the day, 
and enters.'^ 

^ Upon my conscience, a mighty ridiculous ceremony it is, after 
all,'' said Mr. Burke, ^ and very like a bargain for dieep in Bailie 
nasloe fair, when the buyer and seller appear to foe going to fight^ 
tfll a mutual friend settles the bargain between tbemu" 

At this moment Mr. Burke suddenly sprung from his chair, 
which was nearest the window, to look out; I accordingly fel^ 
lowed his example, and beheld a rather ludicrous proeessioui if 
such it could be called, consisting of sq few persons. The princi- 
pal individual in the group was a florid, fat, happy-looking gentle- 
man of about fifty, with a profusion of nearly white whiskers^ 
which met at his chin, mounted upon a sleek charger, whose half« 
ambling, half-prancing pace had evidendy been acquired by lon^ 
habit of going in procession ; this august figure was habited in a 
scarlet coat and cocked hat, having aiguillettes, and all the oth» 
appanage of a general officer ; he also wore tight buckskin breeches 
and high jack-boots, like those of the Blues and Horse Guards; at 
he looked from side to side, with a self-satisfied contented air, > be 
appeared quite insensible of the cortege which followed and pre** 
ceded him ; the latter, consisting of some score of half-ragged boys, 
yelling and shouting with all their might, and the former being, a 
kind of instalment in hand of the Dublin Militia Band, and who, 
in nmnbers and equipment, closely resembled the ^army whidhi 
accompanies the first appearance of Bombastes." The only dif- 
ference, that these I fiq>eak of did not play ^ the Rogue's March/' 
which might have perhaps appeared personal. 

As this goodly procession advanced, Mr. Burke's eyes became 
rivetted upon it ; it was the first wonder he had yet beheld, and he 
devoured it. « May I ask, sir," said he at length, ^* who that is ?•* 

« Who that is !" said Tom, surveying him leisurely as he spoke ; 
''why surely, sir, you must bo jesting, or you would not ask such 
a question ; I trust, indeed, evfery one knows who he is. Eh, Harry,** 
said he, looking at me for. a confirmation of what he said, and to 
which of course I assented by a bok. 

^« Well, but, my dear, Mr. O'Plaherty, y6u forget how ignorant i 
am of every thing here " 

^* Ah, true," said Tom, interrupting ; **I foi^ot you never saw 
him before." 

** And who is he, sir ?" 
^ ^' Why, that^s the Duke of Wellington." 

*' Lord have mercy upon me, is it ?" said Mr. Burke, as he upset 
th^ table, and all its breakfast equipage, and rushed through the 
coffee-^room like one possessed. Before I could half recover from tha 



ft'ef teifl^iag lim evwi thfew me iirto, I heard him as he ran at 
toil 8pee4 do VQ Daw8on*street, waviog his hat, and shouting octt 
ai. thSi top of his liuigs, ^ God Uess your grace — Long life to your 
grace — Hurra for the hero of Waterloo; the great captain of the 
a^/''&c: &a ; which, I grieve to say, for the ingratitude of the in- 
dividual lauded, seemed not to afford him half the pleasure, and 
none of the amusement it did the mob, who re-echoed the shoute 
wd cheering till he was hid widiin the precincts of the Mansion 
House. 

^ And, now," said Tom to me, « finish your breakfast as fast as 
possible ; for, when Burke comes back he will be boring me to dii» 
-with him, or some such thing, as a kind of acknowledgement of his 
gratitude for showing him the Duke. Do you know he has seen 
more wonders through my poor instrumentality, within the last 
three days in Dublin, than a six months' trip to the continent wouki 
flbow most men. I have made him believe that Burke Bethel 
is Lord Brougham, and I am about to bring him to a soiree at Mi- 
Ladi's, who he supposes to be the Marchioness of Conynghamu 
Apropos to the Bellissima, let me tell you of a < good hit' I was 
witness to a f€^w n^hts since ; jou know, perhaps, old Sir Charles 
Oiesecke, eh ?'' 

« I have semi him once, I think — ^the professor of mineralogy." 
' ^< Well, poor old Sir Charles, one of the most modest and retiring 
men in existence, was standing the other night among the mob, in 
one of the dra1ving-ro6ms, while a waltzing party were figuring 
away, at which, widi that fondness for < la danse' that characterises 
'Overy Oerman of any age, he was looking with much interest, when 
my lady came tripping up, and the following short dialogue ensued 
within eaiHihot :—" 

^< Ah, mon dier, Sir Charles, ravi de vous voir. But why are 
- you not dancing ?" - 

<< Ah, mi ladi, Je ne puis pa% c'est il dire, Ich kann es nicht ; I am 
too old;" Ich bin ^" 

<<0, you horrid man; i understand you perfectly. Tou hale 
ladies, that is the real reason. You do— yon know you do." 

<< Ah, mi ladi, Gnddige frau; glauben sie mir; I do loave do 
ladies; I do adore de sex. Do you know, mi ladi, when I was in 
Greenland I did keep four womans." 

^ O, shocking, horrid, vile Sir Charles, how could you tell me 
such a story? I shall die of it." - 

^* Ah, mine Gott ; my ladi ; sie irren sich, vous, vous trompesz. 
You are quite in mistake ; it was only to row my boat /" 

« I leave you to guess how my lady's taste for the broadside. of 
the story, and poor Sir Charles's vindication of himself, m regard 
to his estimation of ^ le beau sexe,' amused all who heard it ; as for 
me, I had to leave the room, half choked with suppressed laughter. 
And, How, let us bolt, for I see Burke conung, and, upon my soul 
J am tired of telling him lies, and must rest on my oars for a few, 
]|M>i|r9 1^ }east/' 



uteve thcie ia ao mueh novelty a» a buque dly ineianrts ta a^ 

te the first timei these ie Utik oecatioa to dmw apon imegimtiea 

fur ywx lactfl." 

<<Ahyjny dear Hairiry haw little do yeukmw of life; there »« 
kind of man whoae appetite for the marrdiotie it wch, that hm 
MHt be crammed with miiadea. or he dies of inaoitiQiif and fOK 
mis^t as well attempt to feed a tij^er upon pa^ de fin gfm$ 
as satisfy him by mere naked, mivarnished truth. I'll jusi |{iw 
l^v an easy illustration; you saw his delight this moming when 
tfie * Duke' rode past ; weU FU tdl you the ^onveise of that pusip 
position DOW. The night before last, having nothing better to iif^ 
we went to the theatre ; the piece was ^ La Perouse/ which liMtf 
have been playing here for the last two months Ip crowded bouwi^ 
to exhibit some North AmericsA Indians whom 0ome thsalnaii 
speculator brought over' ^exprds/in all the horrors of fur, immr 
^tun and yellow ochre. Findiisc the ^ 8pecta«lo' lather nnmlmBisI*- 
iSig, I leaned back in my box, and fell into a d^ze. M^a^whitof 
my inquiring friend, Mr. Burke^ who UM natumlly an^oqsi m hi^ 
(always does, to get au fond at matters^ left bjs pl^ee to obdiin in- 
formation about the piece, the audience, and above eil, the aifUbcih 
ticity of the Indians, who certainly aatwisbed biin oonsid^iiUly. 

<<Now k so happened that about a fortnight pvevipus^ some 
violent passion tp return home to their own country b«d s mf A 
{these mteresting individualst aod they felt the viost iarQi9sliMl» 
longing to abandon the savage and umatura} condiments of 
teef mi Guinnes's jporter, and resnw? their nncient and i 
iBiviliaed habits of life. In feet, like the old Afriow lsdy»^ ^.- 
tinned b/ the missionary at the Cape, they felt they eoBld leiie 
Mppy tf they ^eoidd only j^ne^ more have a xoast ^ild Jfoj sup- 
per,' and as such luxuries are dear in this coimtry^ Stay eaolbfr 
W^ek they would not, whatever th«^ ^^oQsc^^ences might be ; the . 
manager reasoned, begged, implored and threaten^, by IniM*; 
4|U would not do, go they were deterniined^ suPkd aU t];ie AUifojrtuiiate 
proprietor could accomplish was, to make a pi^rehsse of diQur pw- 
^rties in fuj, belts, bows, arrows, and feathers, and get them 
iHWay Quietly, without the public being the wiser. The pieee uis 
too profitable a one to abandon, so h^ looked about anxjyraslf , Jo 
unpply the deficiency in his corps firamaiigMe. For several days 
nothing presented itsiclf to his thoughts, and the public were bs- 
fmxmg more clamourous for the repetition of a drama whiflh had 
greatly delighted theiQ. What was to be done ? In a mood fit 
doubt and uncertainty the wretched manaj|^ was taking his 
laooustomed walk upon the light-hpuse pier, while a number jof 
.unfortunate country fellows, bare legged and lanky, with baf 
?opes fastening their old gray coats around them, were standisig 
beside a packet, about to take their departure for Eagland, f(par the 
tiaryest» Their uncouth appearanoe, their wild looks, their violent 
gestures, and, above all, their strange and guttural laAgaage^ fiv 



' they were all spiking Itudi, attracted the attention of the manar 
ger ; the effect to his professional eye was good, the thought struck 
him at once. Here are the very fellows he wanted. It was 
scarcely necessary to alter any thin^^ about them^ they were ready 
made to his hand, and iti mkny ^efipeds better savages than their 
prototypes. Through the mediation of some whiskey, the appro* 

' priate liquor in allvtreMtett^^ Ulid^BaCUre^ a bargain was readily 
struck, and in two hours more, ^ these forty thieves' were rehears- 
]>g vpm file dassic board* of our Iheatre, and once more. La 
tmmmy in all ifce f lory of red eapitai letters^ shone forth fai Ae 
marking adhrMisemenii^. Tk^ run of the piece ednfinued uii- 
ataled ; the Indittfis were the rage ; fio^ng else was Ihbu^t or 
spoken of in Dublin, and already the benefit of Ashewaballagh , 
He was aacioanced, who, by the by, was a little feUow firom Mar- 
tin's estate in Conntffiara, and one of the drollest dogs I ever heard 
^HJL Wall, it so happened timt if was upon one of their nights of pei^ 
^lAlWgjlhat I found nayself, wilh Mr« Burke, a spectator of their 
proceedings ; I had fallen into an easy slumber, w;hile a dreadfU 
Siir in 1]^ bex lodbby roused me from my dreani, and the loud cry 
Jof'I^^PSn him out/ < pitch him over,' < beat his brains out,' and other 
humane proposals of the like nature, effectually restored me to ooft- 
sciousness ; I rushed out of the box into the lobby, and there, to 
Mjy f^onjfidtai^t, ipti^jmidst of a cofisidetabk crowd, beheld my 
1^mi» M^^ ^prke, jbelabprj^g Oie boi:-keeper with all his might 
mkk %f ottpn ufiobrella of jr^lhtr unpleasant proportions, accom- 
9mfmg eacb blow with an explaiaation of * well, are' they Con- 
miigbtn)^, B^dWr yoj^ ara«cjsil, eh ? a^e <h^ all west of Athlone, tell 
tl^il^i^nowi I wonder wihat's j^regresMiiig me beating* the sotd 
^.of y^e/ i^er o^4fhimmg »a sboirt ee^ialioQ of hosrilities, and te- 
§l^^gfOOT Sharkey to Ms lep,<i|iUQb more dead than, alive fhNSi 
a^ frj^ht, I learned, at tost, t^ teterrima causa beHi. Vk. 
Burke, it seems, had entered into conversation wbh Sharkey, the 
*bf 3;-rk@ep&r, a§ to all the partieuliu^s of the ttbeatre, ahd the present 
piece, but especiajily as t^ Ibe ireal and autt^entic history d/i tife 
Indians, whose language, he remarked^ in maay respects to re- 
l^ni^ J^ish. Poor Sharkey, wjbose beaefit-nigl^.was opproach- 
jp^, jO^ougbt he might secure a friend for life, by impartiiig to him 
^ ilfOjportaiit state seoret ^ wd .wh«i, thevefore^ pressed rather 
^psely an to the ^«avages^ whereabout' i^olved to try a bold 
0k^j and taisf his unknown interrogator. < And so you don't 
aregJly k»ow where they come from nor can't guess?' ^ Mayfce, 
^^ri^' said Mr. Burke^ innocently. ^ Try again, sir,' said Shachey, 
with a knowing grin. ^Is it Behring's Straits?' said Mr;Buike. 
' W^ da you think of Galway, sir?' said Sharkey, with a leer m* 
4«0aded to cement a friendsl^p wr life; the words were no sooner ouc 
pf bis lips, ^aa Burke, who immediately took them as a piece of 
direct insolai^Qe to himaslf and bis country, felled him to the earth, 
?l|d was m the «ot of eontinuing the diaciplfaie when I atrived on 

4bi4el4p(tottte.'' 

17 «B 



4 s 



CHAPTER XXIL 
▲ mukwr AT mowrwu 

^Avo must you really leare us so soon/' said Tom^ as we 
issued fordi into the street; ^^why I was just planning a whde 
week's adventure for you. Town is so full of all kinds of idle 
people, I think I could manage to make your time pass pleasantly 
enough/' 

'< Of that/' I replied; <' I have little doubt ; but for the reasons 1 
have just mentioned, it is absolutely i^ecessary that I should not 
Jose a moment ; and after arranging a few things here, I shall stait 
to*morrow by the earliest packet, and hasten up to h^Ykdm at 
once." 

^ By Jupiter," said Tom, ^^ how lucky I just temember 80ine«> 
thing, which comes admirably apropos. You a^ie going to Paris— 
is it not so ?" 

<< Yes, direct to Paris." • 

«< Nothing could be better. There i;F& a particularly nice person, 
n great friend of mine, Mrs. Binghajsn, waiting for several days in 
hopes of a chaperon to take care of herself and daughter— a lovely 
girl, only nineteen, you wretcfe^o London, en route to the conti. 
nent ; the mamma a delightful woman, and a widow, with a very 
«tisfactpry jointure—yoii understand— but the daughter, a regu- 
lar downright beauty, and a ward in chancery, with how niany 
thousand pounds, I am afraid to trust myseli to say. " You must 

know, then, they are the Binghams of ^,upon my soul, I foiget 

where ; but hijjnly respectable." 

<< I regret 1 have not the pleasure of tlieir acquaintance, and the 
more beci»:ase I shall not be able to make it now." 
. ^M why ?'^ said Tom, gravely. 

^ ^ itecause, in the first place, I am so confoundedly pressed for 
time that I could not possibly delay under any contingency that 
might arise ; and your fair friends are, doubtless, not so eagerly de- 
termined on travelling night and day till they reach Paris. Se- 
condly, to speak candidly, with my present hopes and fears weigh- 
ing upon my mind, I should not be the n^ost' agreeable travelling 
companion to two ladies with such pretensions as you speak off 
and thirdly, -" 

'^ Confound your thirdly. I suppose we shall have sixteenthly, 
like a Presbyterian minister's sermon, if I let you go on. Why, 
they'll not delay you one hour. Mrs. Bingham, man, cares as lit- 
tle for the road as yourself; and as for youx petits soinsy I suppose 
if you get the fair ladies through the custom-house, and see them 
safe in a London liotel, it is all that will be required at your hand/' 



* » Ilolirfth)E^tan^g all you say, I see the downright JonpowH^iiitf: 
of my taking such a charge at this moment, when my own a&in 
xequire all the little attention I can bestow ; and when, weie i once 
JEProlred with your fair friends, it might be completely out of nqr 
ipower to prosecute my own plans." 

As I said this, we reached the door of a handsome looking house 
in fialdare street ; upon which Tom left my arin, and informing me 
Ifaat he desired to drop a card knocked loudly. 

^< Is Mrs. Bingham at home," said he, as the servant op^ied ths 
door. 

** No sir, she's out in the carriage.*' 

^ Well, you see, Harry, your ill luck befriendsyou ; for I was re^ 
. solved on presenting you to my friends and leaving thereat to its 
merits.'^ 

^ I can safely assure you that I should not have gone up stairs/' 
said I. ^< Little as I know of myself, there is one point of my cfaa-^ 
sacter I have never been deceived in, the fatal facility by which 
•very new incident or adventure can turn. me from following up 
ikiy best matured and longest digested plans ; and as I feel tMi 
weakness, and cannot correct it, the next best thing I can do is to 
fly &e causes." 

** Upon ray souV' said Tom, <^you have become quite a philo 
aopher since we met. There is an old adage which says, ^ no king 
is ever thoroughly gracious if he has not passed a year o^ two in 
dethronement ;' so I believe your regular lady-killer — ^yourself for 
instance — becomes a very quiet animal for being occasionally jiked. 
But now, as you have some conmiissions to do, pray get done wilii 
tfiem as &st as possible, and let us meet at dinner. Where do you 
dine to-day?'' 

^ Why, upon that point, I am at your service completely." 

*< Well, then, I have got a plan which I think will suit you. Yoa 
said you wifbed to go by Holyhead, for fear of delay ; so, we*U 
4rive down at six o'clock to Skinner's, and dine with him on board 
tiie packet at Howth. Bring your luggage with you, and it -wJSL 
save you a vast deal of fuss and trouble in the morning." 

Nothing could be better management for me than this, so I ac- 
cordingly promised acquiescence ; and having appointed a rendez- 
vous for six o'clock, bade O'Plaherty good by, inwardly rejoicing 
that my plans were so far forwarded, and that I was not to be 
embarrassed with either Mrs. Bingham or her daughter, for whosis 
acquaintance or society I had no peculiar ambition. 

My commissions, though not very numerous, occupied the few 
hours which remained, and it was already a few minutes past six 
o'clock when I took my stand under the piazza of the post office 
to wait for O'Plaherty. I had not long to do so, for immediately 
sAer I reached the spot, he arrived in an open barouche and 
four posters, with three other young men to whom he severally 
introduced me, but whose names I have tqtally forgotten 5 I only 



I «f Iht pMljr ita» arililMy flwiirtfbflHil fvHired 
tolowo. 

Wb«Q X had lakte my Mfti, I O0q1< M( fadp wUtpstia^ 
4mt alAoii^ his fmad Skatakm a^^t bm «" tan'' tea tistlMtMl 
for two at his diimer, yet as we wertttofw Matnogapai^^il 
mil^ be aa well to diae at the hotel » 

^'Q^'' said ha, ''I hare amoiged all that; I h»ve tsaal hia m 
apecial messenger two hours aifiee, and ao make your miad ^fif ■■! 
am ihall not be duappoiuted, nor be afaoit-taken." 

Our drive, although a long one passed quickly over, and bafioiii 
we had reached our destination, I had faeeome toferably inCtmate 
with all the party, who were evjdendy picked meiiy aeleeted by 
Of Fbiherty for a pleasant evening!. 

We drove along the pier to the wharf, where the steamer laf ^ 
ttd were received at onee by Tom's firiend with all thb warm weif^ 
eoiiie and ho^ilality of a sailor, uniited with the addresa and pdlirii 
of a very finished gentleman. Aa w» dsaeendad the compwkHK 
ladder to the cabin, my mind became speedily divested of a«p 
fears I might have indulged in, as to the want of prepan^n ei 
our entertainer. The tahle was covered with all the appMage of 
handsome plate and cut glass, while the side-tables ^illmd wiA 
a magnificent desert, and two hiXga w&MKX>olen {iresented an 
anay of d^ampagne necks fining with their liSBuien e»val»liMi 
woidd have tempted an anchorite. 

> I remember very little else of that evening than the <oup ^mH 
I have mentioned, besides, were my memory aoore letentive^ 1 
Blight scniple to trespass farther on my leader^s patience, by tha 
detail of those pleasures, whidb, like love-lettefs, however aq/n^ 
able to the parties immediately concerned, are very unedifyiug ts 
all others. I do remember, oeJrtaiBly, that good Storiea and capital 
MM^asneoeeded each other wkh a rapidity only to be equattid'by 
Ihe popping of coorks; and have also a very vague Md iadistitiet 
beeolieetion of b, dsmee mufld the tabky evidently to fiaifrih a iClm^ 
hat which, it appears, finished me toe^ for I saw »o raoDe ^toft 
night. 

How many men have eonayaiemorated the wakiog sensation of 
their feUowHOsen, ^t^ a tiig^t's delniueh ; yet at the same time, I 
«m not aware of any one having perfectly conveyed e^en a paes^ 
ing likeness to the mingled throng of sensations which crowd oogfu 
brain on such an occasion. The doubt of what has pitised, by ds^ 
grees yielding to the half-consciousness of the tr«itb, fhe feeling of 
idiame, inseparable except to the habitually hard-goer, for the 
e(veats thus dimly pictured, the racking headache aixl intense thicst 
with the horror of the potation recentiy indulged in : the recurring 
Jttnse of the fun or cGroUery of a story or an incident which pro- 
vcken us again to laugh despite the jarring of our brain from the 
jahaktttgi AU this and more most men have felt, and happy aie 
Ihey when their walcuig. thoughts are limited to such, at s^eb 
limes as these — ^the matter becomes considerably worse, when the 



^9> nLMtiy vtfBPOTiP^ IM 

i 

^TOQ iQ:]F^iur bost nod. ^almost moxapnts, yon only fifid youoidf 
0quak , .. 

. it 18 tFuly aQpI^asMitiOH mbbing yaur eye9 and opening your 
^ihPp t9 difieoYer, l|a^ this gi^t bell is licigiQg the half ham hkoti^ 
TOttr qmrterly examiaation at fDoUefe, wfaiUe Lackey Lloyd^ and 
Lucian are dancing a reel through yoar brain^ little short of mad** 
iwos ; acaroely k^s >i^eeable is it, to learn that your friend Ca^ia 
Wildfire^i^ at the door in his ca|>; to accompany you to the JPbco!* 
nix, to stand wUbm twelve paces of a cool jp;entleman who hiMH 
Imm ttttii^ with his arm in IS^u 4e Cologne &t the last half4uiUiK 
that he may pick you out ^ artist-like.'' There are, besides timn^ 
innumerable situations in which ouic prepajrations of the ni§^t 
'pmUl ^app^ar, as now of the wisest ; but I prefer going at onoe to 
iQf own, which, although considerably inferior in difficulty, w^o^, 
not without its own " discigremens.^^ 

When I awoke, ^erefoi^, on board the << Firo-fly," the moming 
aflta oar diAasr*pa^y9 1 was perfectly unable, by any mental pip(H 
eai«i within oay reacb^ to lUscover whq?^ I was. On ship-boaid I 
Mb I mMst bo--the wnrow berth— the gildi^ and panelled cabiipi 
inU€h met n^y eye, tt^ough mv balf-opei^ curtains, and that peci^ 
ttar availing, motion inseparable from a vessel in the watei^ att 
^ai^iflied me of Uii^ &ct. .. I looked about me, but could see x^o ons^ 
toc give me the least idiea of iipiy position. Could it be that wo 
were on our way out to Corfu, and that I had beeii ill fox aoina 
toM paat 

, Bat tbis: cabin had litdo resemblance to a tran^rt ; perliapsit 
podl^ be a frigato-^I knew not. Then agai% wero we sailing, or 
a4 fiBoboir> for the ship wa3 nearly motionless ; at this instant a tr^ 
mettdons oQtlie like thunder crashed through my bead, and ibr a 
lOMMOt I expected we bad exploded, ;and would all be blpwn U|P) 
init an instant after I discovered it must be the escape of the. steaoiy 
wd that I was on board a packet ship. Here,.then, was some 
cteo to my sitiiiation^ and one which would probably have elicited 
ajQ in due season ; but jqst at tbis moment a voice on deck ;^vo4 
mab^BSk any ioxiim calculatbofli Two perscaas w^conversiqg* 
wbeae v^oices wears not altogether unknown to n^, but Fby I km^F 
not. ^ ) 

: '^Thon, ca^ainy I sopp^se, you consider this an excellent jpa^k 

n ^ Yes, of course I do/' replied the captain ; ^< it's only fiv^ how 
^aom Ire left Hpwtb, and now you see we ave nearly in; if w^ 
Iwre Iba xan of the tide we dttU reach the Head beigaie tw^elyi^ 

\, ^JHa I hat'' aaid 1 1^ myfelf^ ^^ now I bogin to learn something. 
So we haw crossed tba i^t^nnel while I was sleaping'-'Haot ^ 
least agreeable thing for a man to hear who suffers martyrdom 
from sea sickness — ^but let me listen again." 
^ And that large mountain there— is that Snowden ?" 

17* 



198 emnmom w iiAEiT ixmM9^^ 

^ No. You cannot see Snowden ; there is too much mist about 
it ; that mountain is Capel Garigg ; and there that bold bluff to the 
eastward^ that is Penmen Mawr/' 

^ Come^ there is no time to belost,^' thought I ; so ffpringing odt 
of my berth accoutered as I ^vas, in merely trowsers and slippen^ 
with a red handkerchief fastened nig^t-cap fitshion round my 
head^ I took my way through the cabin^ • . 

, My first thought on getting upon my legs was how tremendous- 
ly the vessel pitched^ which I had not remarked while in my berth, 
' but now I could scarce keep myself from faUing at every step* I 
was just about to call the steward, when I again heard the voices 
on deck. 
** You have but few passeiigers this trip.*' 
*'I think only yourself and a Captain Lorrequer,** repHed the 
captain, ^ who by-the-by, is losing all this fine coast, which is cer<- 
tainly a greiat pity.*' 

'<He shall not do so much longer," thought I ; <<fbr u I &id 
. that there are no other passengers, I'll make my toilet on deck, and 
enjoy the view besides/' With this determination I asoended dow* 

Sr and cautiously the companion ladder, and stepped out Upon tiha 
eck ; but scarcely had I done §o, when a roar of the loudest 
laughter made me turn my head towards the poop^ and there to 
my horror of horrors I brfield Tom O'Plaherty seated between « 
two ladies, whpse most vociferous mirth I soon perceived was eli« 
cited at my expense. 

All the party of the preceding night were also there, and as I 
turned from their grinding faces to the land, I saw to my dmme, 
and confusion, that we were still lying beside the pier at Howth; 
while the band-boxes, trunks, and imperials of new arrivals weie 
incessantly pouring in, as travelling carriages kept driving up lo 
the place of embarkation. I stood perfectly astounded and bewil- 
dered — shame for my ridiculous costume would have made me fly 
at any other time — ^but there I remained to be laughed at patiently, 
while that villain O'Flaherty, leading me passively forward, intro- 
duced me to his friends — ^< Mrs. Bingham^ Mr. Lorrequer ; Mr. 
XiOrrequer, Miss Bingham. Don't be prepossessed against him^ 
ladies, for when not in love, and properly dressed, he is a marvd- 

lously well-looking young gentleman ; and as " 

What the remainder of the sentence might be> I knew not, for I 
rushed down into the cabin, and locking the door, never opened il 
till I could pferceive from the stern windows that we were really 
off on our way to England, and recognised once more thelaugfaing 
face of O'Flaherty, who, as he waved his hat to his friends from 
the pier, reminded them that << they were under the care and pro- 
tection of his friend Lorrequer, who, he trusted, would condescend 
to increase his wearing apparel under the circumyBtances.'' 



wtnnuMOM oi mammt i.on^«tyBa. 19§ 



CHAPTER XXIII. 

THX JOUHHST. 

Wnir I did at last rentuie upon deck^ it was with a costume 
sCudioudy accurate, and as much of manner as I could possibly 
muster^ to endeavour at once to erase the unfortunate impression of 
my fbvt appearance ; this^ howeyer, was not destined to be a par- 
fectly succeissful mancBUvre, and I was obliged after a few minutes 
to join the laugh, which I found could not be repressed, at my ex- 
pense. One good result certainly followed from all this. I became 
almost immediately on intimate terms with Mrs. Bingham and her 
daughter, and much of the awkwardness in my position as their 
chaperon^ which bon-gre, malgri I was destined to be, was at 
once got over. Mrs. Bingham herself was of that « genre'^ of wi- 
dow, which comes under the ** fat, fair, and forty*' category, with 
a never ceasing flow of high, almost boisterous, spirits — an excel- 
lent temper, good health— and a well-stocked purse. Life to her 
was like a game of her favourite " speculation.'* When, as she he* 
Ueved, the ^' company honest," and knew her cards trumps, she 
was tolerably easy for the result., She liked Kingstown— she 
liked short whist— she liked the military- she liked the ''junior 
bar," of which die knew a good number — she had a well furnished 
house in Eildare street — ^and a well cushioned pew in St Aime's; 
she was a favourite at the castle — and Dr. Labatt ^ knew her con- 
stitution." Why, with all these advantages, she should ever have 
thought of leaving the "happy valley" of her native city, it was 
somewhat hard to guess. Was it that thoughts of matrimony, 
which the continent held out more prospect for, had invaded the 
feir widow's heart ? Was it that the altered condition to whidi 
politics had greatly reduced Dublin, had effected this change of opin* 
ion ? or was it like that indescribable longing for the unknown 
something, which we read of in pathetic history of the fair lady 
celebrated, I believe, by Petrarch, but I quote from memory : 

''Mn.GiUifTeiyill, 

KotiiiBg eaa hnprofie her, 
BvttoMotlMTiiiUeritf, 

And widdte through the Lonvn.** 

None of these, I believe, however good an4 "^alid reasons in 
themselves, were the moving powers upon the present o(^casion; 
the all sufficient one that Mrs. Bingham had a daughter. Now 
Miss Bingham was Dublin too — but Dublm of a later edition — ^aiid 
a finer, more hot-pressed copy than her mamma. She had been 
educated at Mrs. Somebody's seminary in Mountjoy-square — ^had 
been taught to dance by Montague— And had learned French from 



a Swiss gorerDess — ^with a number of similar adyantage9--a rerf 
pretty figure~;-dark eyes — ^long eye-lashes and a dimple — ^and last^ 
but of course leasts the deserved reputation of a large fortune. She 
had made a most successful debut in the Dublin world, where she 
was much admired and flattered, and which soon suggested to her ' 
quick mind, as it has often done in similar cases to a young pro-^ 
vincial debutante, not to waste her ^^fraicheur^* upon the minor 
Ibeatres, but at once to appear upon the ^^ great bpardlsi" j^ fkr 
evidencing a higher flight of imap;ination and enterprise tbaA 19 
wually found amona; the cUgtie of her early associates, who may 
be characterised as that school of young ladies, who like the ^ Cor- 
jair'^ and Dunleary, and say^ ^' ah don't !" 

She possessed nuich more common sepse than her mamma^ au4 
promised under pro^r advantages to become speedily quite suffix 
4U0Qtly acquainted with ihe world and its habitudes. In tibe meaU' 
while I perceived that she ran a very considerable risque of beii^ 
carried off by some mustachoed Pole, with a name IBse a snee^^ 
who might pretend to enjoy the entree into the fashionable cirplep 
W* the continent 

. Very little, study of my two fair friends enabled me to see tbmi 
WUCb ; and very Uttle ^^ usage" sufficed to render m^ speedily inti- 
jaate with both; the easy bonhommie of the mamma, who had a 
very methodis^cal appreciation of what the ^^ connection'' caU 
^ creature comlforts," amused me much, and opened one ready path 
4o her good graces by the opportimity afforded of getting up a lui^ 
ti^oa of veal cutlets and London porter, of which I partow^ not $, 
little to the loss of the fiiir daughter's esteenL 

While, thece&re, I made the tour of the steward's cell in searcib 
oi Harvey's sauce, I brushed up my memory of the Corsair and 
Childe Harold, and alternately discussed Stilton and Southey^ t# 
Ver and lobsters, Haynes Bayley and hanL 

The day' happened to be particularly calm and delightful, so (hat 
we never left the deck ; and the six hours which brought us &om 
land to land, quickly passed over in this manner ; and ere we reached 
^^ the Head," I had become the warm friend and legal adviser of 
HfB mother ; and with the daughter I was installed as chief confi- 
dant of dll her grie& and sorrows, both of which appointments cost 
me a solemn promise to take care of them till their arrival in Paris, 
where they had many friends and acquaintances awaiting .theuL 
Hore, then, as usual, was the invincible fiuulity with which I gave 

' myself up to any one who took the tiouUe to influence me. One 
thing, nevertheless, I was determined on, to let no circumstance 1 

, defer my arrival at Paris a day later than was possible : therefore, \ 
though my office as chaperon might diminish my comforts en 
Toutey it should not interfere with the object before me. Had toy 
mind not been so completely engaged with my own immediate 
prospects, when hope suddenly and unexpectea revived, had be- 
come so tinged with fears and doubts as to be almost torture|f 
must have been much amused wltb my present position, as t fomout 



flalfsrif seated yrbh my ttra friendsj^ mlKrig along throtigli Wa1e» in 
Ibeir comfortable travelling earriage-^giving all thf) orders a^lbi 
differaiit hotelv^-^seeing after the ltt^age--^and acting en maiirt 
in every respect. 

'nie good widow enjoyed particularly the difficulty whidi tsf 
precise posdtion^ with regard to -her and her daughter, threw tm 
di£hrent innkeepens on the road into, sometimes supposing m^ S» 
be her husband, sometimes her son, and once her son-in-law ; wMidi 
very alarming conjecture brought a erisoson tinge to the fair daugh* 
tar's cheek, sm expression, which, in my ignorance, I thought iooM 
very like an inclination to faint in my arms. 

At length we reached London, and having been there safely 
installed at " Mivart's," I sallied forth to present my lettter to the 
Horse Guards, and obtain our passport for the continent 

" Number nine^ Poland street, sir,'^ said the waiter, as I enquired , 
the address of the French consul. Having discovered that my 
interview with the commander-in-<5hief was appointed for feur 
o^clock, I determined to lose no time, but make every possibte ar« 
langement for leaving Lond<m in the morning. 

A cab quietly conveyed me to the door of the consul, aronni. 
which stood several other vehicles, of every shape and fashion, 
while in the doorway wer# to be seen numbers of people, throng- 
ing and pressing, like the Opera pit on a full night. Into the mkfat 
of this assemblage I soon thrust myself, and, borne upon the cur- 
rent, at length reached a small back parior, fill^ also with peo^ 
pie ; a door opening into another small room in the front, showed a 
similar mqb there, with the additioh of a small elderly man, ia a 
bog* wig and spectacles, very much begrimed with snuff, and speak* 
ing in a very cbcderic tcme to the tarious applicants for passportflj^ 
who, totally ignorant of French, insisted upon interlarding tbek 
demands with an occasional stray phrase^ making a kind of tessel- 
lated pavement of tongues, which would have shamed BabeL 
Nearest to the table at which the fuhctionary sat, stood a taxa^ 
tachoed gentleman, in a blue frock and white trowsers, a white 
hat jauntily set upon one side of his head, and primrose gloreilL 
He cast a momentary glance of a very und^valuing import upon 
the crowd around him, and then, turning to the consul^ said ia a 
very soprano tone — 

** Passport, monsieur V* 

^^ Que voulez vous que je fesse," replied the old Fretichniw 
{Tuflly* 

<< Je suis j'ai-— that is, doanez moi passport'' 

^ Where do you go ?'' replied the consul 

"CJalai/* 

^ Comment diable, speak Inglis, and I undenHan you aa beaMB. 
Your name V^ 

^ Lorraine Snaggs, gentilhomme.*' 

«* What age have you ? — ^how old ?'* 

^Twenty-two/' 



eOirVXMlORSyOF HARRY I.O&KBQI7B&* 

*^ C'est ^a" said the old consul, flinging the ptsspoit aeross 4S» 
lable, with the air of a man who thoroughly comprehended the 
Api^cant's pretension to the designation of gentilhomme Anglais. 

As 1 followed the worthy representative of Sevendials with my 
•ye, another person had neared the table. She was a rather pretty 
young woman, with blue eyes, and brown hair braided quietly on 
fler forehead, and wearing a plain dose bonnet of a very coquettish 
appearance. 

<<Will you be seated ma'mselle?" said the polite old French- 
man, who had hitherto been more like a bear than a human being 
— ^ Ou allez vous done ; where to, ma chere V^ 
• « To Paris, sir." 

« By Calais?" 

« No, sir, by Boulogne" — 

^ C'est bon ; quel age avez vous. What old, ma belle ?" 

^ Nineteen, sir, in June." 

** And are you alone, quite, eh ?"' 

'*'No sir, my Uttle girL" 

<< Ah ! your leetel gurl— c'est fort bien— je m'apper^ois ; and youi 
name ?" t> 

** Fanny Linwood, sir." ^ 

** C'est fini, ma chere, Mademoiselle JPanni Linwood," said the 
dd man, as he wrote down the name. 

« 0, sir, I beg your pardon, but you have put me down Made* 
moiseUe ; and — and — you see, sir, I have my little girl." 

. ^ A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in France 
— ^u plaisir de vous voir. Adieu." 

<< They don't mind these things in France," said I to myself, re- 
peating the old consul's phrase, ixchich I could not help feeling as 
a whole chapter on his nation. 

My business was soon settled, for I spoke nothing but English — 
▼ery little knowledge of the world teaching me that whe^ we have 
any favor, however slight, to ask, it is always good policy to make 
Ae amende by gratifying the amour propre of the granter — ^if, 
happily there be an opportunity for so doing. " 

When I returned to Mivart^, I found a written answer to my 
letter of the morning, stating that his lordship of the Horse Guards 
was leaving town that afternoon, but would not delay my depar- 
ture for the continent, to visit which a four months' leave was 
granted me, with a recommendation to study at Weimar. 

The next day brought us to Dover, in time to stroll about the 
cliffs during the evening, when I again talked sentiment with the 
daughter tUl very late. The Madame herself was too tired to come 
out, so that we had our walk quite alone. It is strange enough 
how quickly this travelling together has shaken us into intimacy. 
Isabella says she feels as if I were her brother : and I begin to think 
myself she is not exactly like a sister. She has a marvellously 
pretty fbot and ancle. 

The climbing of cliffs is a verv dangerous pastime. How true 



the Treiieh adage-^-C'e^^ plus facile de gHner ^r la gazan que 
sur la glace.^^ But still nothing can come of it ; for if Lady Jane 
be not false, I must ooosider myself an togaged man. 

^< Well, but I hope/' said I, rousing myself from a reverie of 
some minutes, and inadyertently pressing the arm which leaned 
upon me — ^'^your mamma will not be alarmed at ou^ long ab*- 
sence?" 

" ! not in the least ; for she knows Fm with you.'^ 

And here I felt a return of the pressure — ^perhaps also inadrer* 
tently given, but which, whether or not, effectually set all my sea^ 
sonings and calculations astray ; and we returned to the hotel, silent, 
on both sides. 

The appearance of la chore mamma, be^de the hissing tea*tiiD^ 
brought us both back to ourselves, and, after an hour's chatting^ 
we Vished good night, to start on the morrow for the continent. 



CHAPTER XXIV. 



CALAIS. 



It was upon a lovely evening in autumn, as the Dover steata* 
boat rounded the wooden pier at Calais, amid a fleet of small boats 
filled with eager and anxious faces, soliciting, in every species iof 
bad English and ^^patois^^ French, the attention and patronage of 
tbe passengers. 

'* Hotel de Bain, mi lorV* 

'< Hotel d' Angleterre,'' said another, in It voice of the most im- 
posing superiority. <' C'est superbe — ^pretty well." 

<< Hotel du Nord, votre Excellence — ^remise de poste and 'delays' 
(quere relays) at all hours.^' ^ 

'^ Commissionaire, mi ladi," sung out a small shrill treble fronn 
the midst of a crowded cock-boat, nearly swamped beneath our 
paddle-wheeL 

What a*scene of bustle,, confusion and elcitement does the deck 
of a steamer present upon such an occasion. Every oneis running 
hither or thither, " Sauve qui pent" is now the watch-word; and' 
friendships, that promised a life-long endurance only half an hour 
ago, flt^ here a speedy dissolution. The lady who slept all night 
upon deck, enveloped in the folds of your Astracan cloak, scarcely^ 
deigns an acknowledgement o/you, as she adjusts her ringlets before 
the looking-glass over the stove in the. cabin. The polite gentle- 
msm, that would have flown for a reticule or a smelling-bottle upon 
the high seas, won't leave his luggage in the harbor ; and the gal 
lantry and devotion that stood the test of half a gale of wind and a 



Mi G0vnP8ioflM or sAmr L^smiB^Mii. 

«mt jacket, is not pioof urhen the safety of a carpet-bag <Mr tbe ies 
Wiity of a <^ Mackintosh^^ is ooDcerned. 

And thus h^re, as elsewhere, is proeperity the touchstone of good 
frelifltg. 'All the various disguises which have been as6umedy/7er 
vimggioy are here inHnediately abandoned, and, stripped of the tra- 
vaUiog eostiune of itrbanky and courtesy, which they put on for the 
voyage, they stand forth in all the unblushing front of selfishness 
and self-interest. 

9onm tender scenes yet iind their place aimd the debris of this 

ehaotio state. Hem i^ay be seen a careful mother adjusting innu- 

nierable shawls and Imndkepchieft round the throat of a sear^ees 

young lady with a cough ; her maid is at the same instant taking a 

^ tewto farewell of the steward in the after-cabin. 

Here is a very red-faced and hot individual, with punch-colored 
breeches and galtem, disputing '' one brandy too much'' in his ^M, 
and vowing that the company shall bear of it when he returns to 
England. There, a tall, elderly woman, with a Scotch-gray eye, 
and a sharp cheek-bone, is depositing within her muff various seiz- 
able articles, that, until now, had been lying quietly in her trunk. 
Yonder, that raw-looking young gentleman, with the crumpled 
frock coat, and loose cravat, and sea-sick visage, is asking every 
one " if they think he may land without a passport." You scarcely 
recognise him for the cigar-smoking dandy of yesterday, that talked 
as if he had lived half his life on the continent. While there, a 
rather pretty girl is looking intently at some object in the blue 
wat^f beside the rudder post You are surprised yoii eaniioi 
make it out ; but dien, die has the advantage of yoti, for dse taU^ 
WolMooking man, with the knowing whiskerj^ is evidently whis- 
pfering something into her ear. 

" Steward, this is not my trunk— mine was a leathe r " 

"'AH the * leathers' are gone in the first boat, sir. ■' 

^ Most scandklous way of doing business." 

" Trouble you for two-and-sii-pence, sir." 

^ Thens's Matikla coughing again," says a thin, shrewish woman, 
with a kind of triumphant scowl at her better half; , " but you would 
have her wear that thin shawl 1" 

^ Whatever may be the fauU of the shawl, I faney no one wi& 
reproach her ancles for thinne&s," murmurs a young Guard's maa, 
at he peeps up the companion-ladder^ 

Amid all the Babel of tongues and uproar of voices, the thorough 
UBofthe escape steam keeps up its infernal thunders, till the very 
bvain reels, and, nek as you have been of the voyage, you half 
wish yourself once more at sea, if only to have a moment of peacB 
aikd tnutquillity.. 

Numbers i$ow throng the deck who have never made diehr ap» 
pcanuaee before. Pale, jaundiced, and crumpled, they have ail 
the aea««iek look and haggard cheek of the real martjnr^all except 
one, a stout, swarthy, brown visaged man of about foitv, with a 



mf inn^ and a Yoice like 4lie feiarth slriBg 'of a. irioliocellOf 
You wonder why he should have taken to his bed; leam,; theii|, 
Aa* he is.hifl Majesty'^ eonrier from the foreign office, gou)g with 
Asspatohes m ComstaBtinopie ; 9fkd that, aa he is oot de^tineof to li» 
down in a bed for the next fottrteen days, he is glad even of tha 
mrsow resemblance to one, he finds in the berth of a steamboat* 
At length jjou mre on shore, and mavdhed off in a long string, like 
at gang of oanyicta to the Bureau de I'octEoi, and here ia begun am 
eCBamination of the luggage,, which promises, from its minuteness^ 
to last for the three mon&s you destined to spend in Switzerland 
At the end of an. hour you discover that the soi disant commit* 
fionnaire will transact all this afiair for a few francs; and,. after a 
tiresome wait in a filthy room, jostled, elbo^yed, and trampled 
upon, by boora with sabots, you adjourn to your inn, and bejg^in ^i 
feel that you are not in England 

Out tittle party had but few of the miseries here recounted tp 
contend with* My "aavoir faire," with all modesty be it spoken* 
luia been long schooled in the 9ti and practice of trayelling; and 
while our less experienced fell^^-traTellers were deep in the novel 
mysteriea af cotton stockings and petticoatsi, moat ostentatiously 
displayed upon every table of the Bureau, we were comfortably 
•eated in the handsome sif !oon of the Hotel du Nord, looking out 
Wpon a pretty gras$ plot snvrounded with orange tress, and display^ 
ngin the middle Kjet cPeau about the size of awalking-etiek. 

^ Now, Mr. Lorrequor,'' said Mrs. Bingham^ as she seated het^ 
self by the open window, "never forget how totally dependent we 
kre upon your kind offices, Isabella has discovered already thai 
tfaa French of Mountjoy-square, however intelligible in that neigh^ 
bourhood, and even as far aa Mou»t-street, is Coptic and Sanscrit 
Here; and a«(lbr myself, I intend to affeet deaf and dumbness till I, 
leaeh Parie^ where I hear every one can speak English^ a little.'' 

**Now, then, to begin my funetions,'' said I, as I rung for the- 
-waiter, and ran over m nr^ mind rapidly how many invaluable 
Mnti for my new poaition my laresent tvip might afford me, 
<< always provided'' (as the lawyers say^) ikai Lady Jana Cal^ 
lonby might feel Herself tempted to becoma my travelling eom- . 
panion, in whieh caae-^— -«-But, x^^nfeund it, how I am castle^build— 
mg again. Afeanwhile, Mrs. Brngbam it lodsing' as hungry and 
ikmished as thoi^ she wonid ett thp wattw. <<Hal this is tha- 
*earfe."' 

« Allons faire petit soupte." 

« Gotell^tes d'agnean." 

« Maionnaise d'homard.^ 

<« Perdreaux rouges aux tndhs^madE thai, aux tiufibs." 

«'6el6e au maraschin." * ^ 

^ Ahd the wine, dr," said the'Waiter, with a look of approval at* 
my selection, * Ohampatgne^«-no olber wind, sir )" 
^No,'\saidI, ^^Cfaampaigne onlyviiapp6diSg]Aoey^«oiiisfe/^ 



,/« 



MB OOHVESSIONS OV VABBT LORBSQVSB^ ^ 

I added, and the w&iter departed with i^ bow diat would have 
graced St. James's. 

As long as our immaterial and better part shall be doomed to 
keep company with its fleshy tabernacle, with all its attendant 
' miseries of gout and indigestion, how much of our enjoyment in 
this world is dependent upon the mere aoeessory circumstances by 
which the busmess of life is carried on and maintained, and to 
despise which is neither good policy nor sound philosophy. In 
this conclusion a somewhat long experience of the life of a travel- 
ler has fully established me. And no where does it press more 
forcibly upon the mind than when first arrived in a continental 
inn, after leaving the best hotels in England still fresh in your 
memory. I do not for a moment dispute the very great superiority 
in comfort of the latter, by which I would be understood to mean 
^ all those resemblances to one's own home which an English hotel 
so eminently possesses, and every other one so markedly wants ; 
but I mean that in contrivances to elevate the spirit, cheer the 
jaded and tried wayfarer by objects which, however they may 
appeal to the mere senses, seem, at least, but little sensual, give 
me a foreign inn ; let me have a large spacious saloon, with its 
lofty walls and its airy, large-paned windows, (I shall not object if 
the cornices and mouldings be gilded, because such is usually the 
case] — ^let the sun and heat of a summer's day come tempered 
through the deep lattices of a well-fitting "jalousie,'' bearing upon 
ihem the rich incense of a fragrant orange tree in blossom — and 
the sparkling drops of a neighbouring fountain, the gentle plash of 
which is faintly audible amid the hum *of a drone*bee — ^let such 
1)0 the " agrfemens" without — ^while within, let the more substan- 
tial joys of the table await, in such guise as only a French cuiifine 
can present them — give me these, I say, and I shall never sigh for 
fiir-famed and long deplored comforts of a box in a coffee-room, 
' like a pew in a parish church, though certainly not so well cushion- 
^, and fully as dull, with a hot waitbr and a cold beefsteak-*-tke 
' t)nly thing higher than your game being your bill, and the only thing 
less drinkable than your port being the porter. 

With such exotic notions, figurez vous^ my d6ar reader, whether 
or not I felt happy as I found myself seated between my two fiiir 
fiends doing the honours of a little supper, and assisting the exhik* 
Tationof ourchampaignebysucheffortst)f wit as, under favouraUe 
circumstances like these, are ever successful — and which, being 
like the foaming liquid which washeis them down, to be swallowed 
without waiting, are ever esteemed good, from the excitement that 
results, and never seriously canvassed for any more sterling bieriL 
Nothing ever makes a man so agreeable as a belief that he is so : 
and certainly my fair companions appeared to have the most excel- 
lent idea of my powers in that respect; and I fancy that I made 
more hon mota, hit off more epigrams, and invented more choice 
incidents on that happy evening, than, if now remembend, woidd 
Mffice to pay my tailor's biD, wh^n collated for Beptltira Miwel 



^ eoBrvBssioNs of hakut x.oamx%9u. -M7 

lany^ and iUostrated by Gtuikshank— alas ! tl»t, likd the good 
liquor that seasoned them, both are gone by, and I am left but to 
cbronicle their memory of the fun, in dnlness, and counterfeit the 
efEervescence of the grape juice, by soda Water. One thing, ho w- 
ever, is certain — ^we formed a most agreeable party ; and if a feel- 
ing of gloom ever momentarily shot through my mind, it ivas, that 
evenings like these came so rarely in this work*a-day world — ^that 
each such should be looked on as our last. 

1£ I had not already diown myself up to my reader as digixrpon 
volage of the first water, perhaps I should now hesitate about con- 
fessing that I half regretted the short space during whic^ it shou^ 
be my privilege to act as the guide and mentor of my two friendsi 
The impetuous haste which I before felt necessary to exercise^ 
> in reaching Paris immediately, was now tempted by prudent 
thoughts about travelling at night, and reflections about sun-stroke . 
by day ; and even moments most devoted to the object of my 
heart's aspirations were fettered by the very philosophic idea, that 
it could never detract from the pleasure of the happiness that 
awaited me^ if I travelled on the primrose path to its attainment. 
I argued thus : if Lady Jane be true — ^if-— if, in a word, I am des- 
tined to have any success in the Callonby family, then will a day 
or two more not risk it. My present friends I shall, of course, take 
leave of at Paris, where their own acquaintances await them ; and 
on ther other hand, should I be doomed once more to disappoint- 
ment, I am equally certain I should feel no disposition to form a 
new/attachment. Thiis did I reason, and thus I believed; and 
though I was a kind of consultation opinion among my friends in 
« suits of love,'' I was really then unaware that at no time is a 
man so prone to fall in love, as immediately after his being jilted. 
K common sense will teach us not to dance a bolero upon a 
sprained ankle, so might it also convey the equally important les- 
son, not to expose our more vital and inflammatory organ to the 
fire the day after its being singed. 

Reflections like these did not occur to me at this moment ; be- 
sides that, I was ^ going the pace" with a forty-horse power of 
agreeability that left me little time for thought^east of all, if se- 
rious. So stood matters. I had just filled our tall slender glasses 
with the creaming smd '< petillan" source of wit and inspiration, 
when the bud crack, crack, crack of a postillion's whip, accompa- 
nied liy the shaking trot of a heavy team, and the roll of wheels, 
announced a new arrival. ^ Here they come," said I, " only look 
at them— -four horses and one postillion,. all apparently straggling 
and straying aftet their own fancy, but yet going suiprisingly 
. straight, notwithstanding. See how they come througli that narrow 
archway-— it might puzzle the best four-in-hand in England to do 
itlletter." 

^ What a handsome young man, if he had not those odioHar 
oioustaches. Why, Mr, X^oirequer^he koowsifotf / see, he ii bow* 
ing to you." 



.MB cfmrBtsMMis ov xabbt LosBxtvait. ' 

^MeJ Oh ! JW. Why, wmif^ it most be^^^hs deriU^it ia Sfl 
kee, Lady Jaoe^s brotheY. I know his temped well One ftve 
ttinutea' observation of my present intimacy with my fair frieods, 
and adiea to all hopes for me of calling Lord Gallonby my iather- 
te*law. There is not, therefor^, a moment to lose.'^ 

As these thoughts rerolved through my mind, the eo6fasi(Hi I 
felt had covered my face with scariet ; ai&d with a spedes of bloa- 
dering apology for abruptly leaving them for a moment, I ran down 
stairs only in time snificient to anticipate Kilkee's questions as to 
Ika number of my apartments, to which he was d^irous of pve* 
^seeding ft once. Our first greetings over, Kilkee questioned me 
MB to my route-r^^adding, that his now was necessarily an nnde- 
oided one, for if his faimly happened not to be at Paris, he should 
bo obliged to seek after titiem among the German' watering-plaoes. 
^In any case, Mr. Lorrequer," said he, << we shall hunt them in 
oouples. I must insist upon your coming along with me/' 

<^ Oh ! that,'' said I, ** you must not think of. Your carriage is 
a coupiy and I cannot think of crowding you." 

<* Why, you don't seriously want to affront me, I hope ; for I 
flatter myself that a more perfect carriage for two people cannot 
be built. Hobson made it on a plan of my own, and I am exces- 
idvely proud of it, I assure you. Come, that matter is decided«>- 
now for supper. A«s there many EngUah here just now ? — By- 
Ihe^by • those new ' natives' I think I saw you standing with on 
the balcony — who are they ?" 

** Oh ! the ladies--oh ! yes, people I came over with——" 

** One w^ia pretty, Ifancied. Have you supped. Just order seme* 
thing, will you«*-meanwhile, I shall write a few lines beibrs the post 
kaves«" Saying which, ho dashed up stairs after the waiter, and 
left me to my meditationa 

^^ This begins to be pleasant," though I, as the door closed, leai¥» 
img me alone in the ^ saloon.'^ In cireumstanoea of such mom^ie, I 
had never felt so nonplussed as now, how to decline Eilkee's invi- 
Ifttion, without discovering my intimacy with the BingbamS'-«and 
yek I could not, by apy possibility, desert them thus abruptly. Such 
1^1 the dilemma. << I see but one thing for it," said I, gloomily, 
M I strode through the coffee-room, with my head sunk and my 
]iaiid9 behind my back-<-<< I see but one thing left^^I must be taken 
SI If^-night, atnd not bo able to leave my bed in the mornin^*^^ 
j^ver-r-a contagious fever — blue and red spots all over me-»^uid 
it», rs^ving AF'ildly he&ae breakfast time ; cmd if ever anjr diseovety 
^beo pliice si mnp intimaey abov«. stairs, i mmt only establish it as 
H ppomi^nitoiy symptom of insanity, wbidi seized me in the packet. 
-JkMf no^m for a doctor that will understand my ease^ and listen to 
iiei^aon,^ as they woiftld cis^tt il in Irekad."^ Witi^ this idea upper- 
most, I walked out into the court-yard to look for a commissfonaiee 
III guide me in my seareh. Around on every »de of me stood'the 
imriioipr qaaisgeo %pd voilureji of the hotel and its inmates, to the 
full as distinctive and peculiar in character as their o wnesEK ^* Ji^ 1 



dosystooirs or hakbt x.oBBxaiJXB. f 09 

Ihar* is Kakee's/^ salid I^ w my eye }^ted upon A& weU-tai- 
laHflod and al^^aot little earriage which he had b«en on\j with 
Jiisliee foeomiumiaing. ** It is certainly perfect, and yet I'd give 
a handful of Iouui*d'ors it was like that venerable cabriolet yonder, 
with the one wheel and no shafts. But, alas f those springs give 
little hope of a break down, and that ooafouoded alle will outlive 
the patentee. Bat, still, oaQ nothing be done ? — eh ? Come, the 
thought is, a good one — I say, gar^oa, who greases the wheels of 
m^ carriage here V' 

** G'est moi, monsieur,'' said a great oaf, in wooden shoes *and a 
fefcuas. 

<< Wdl, then, do you understand these?'' said I, touching the 
patent axle-boxes with my cane. 

He shook his head. 

^ Then who does, here ?" 

«^ Ah \ Michael understands them perfeotity.'^ 

<< Then bring him here," said I. 

In a few minutes, a little, i^rewd old fellow, with a stnith^s 

Sifon, made his apj^earance^ and introduced himself as M. Mir 
ael I had not much difficulty in making him master of my 
plan, whieh was, to detach one of the wheels, as if ibr the purpose 
eif oiling the axle, and afterwards render it incapable of being re- 
placed'-^^t least for twenty-four hours. * 

^ Tliia ia my idea," said I ; ** nevertheless, do not be influenced 
Iqr me^ All I asfe is, disable the carriage from proceeding to-morrow, 
adM here are three lonis-d'ora at your service." 

^ Soyea bien tranquille, monsieur, mi lor shall spend to-morrow 
in Calais, if I know any thing of my art ;" saying which, he set out 
in search of his tools, while I returned to the salon with my mind 
ireheved, and folly prepared to press the urgency of my reaching 
l^is without any delay. 

. « Well, Mr. Lorrequer,'^ said Ki&ee, as I entered, ^here is slip- 
per waiting, and I am as hungry as a wotf." 
; ^Oh ! I beg pwrdon — ^Ihre been getting every thing in readiness 
for our start to-morrow morning, for I have not told you how an»- 
ieua I am to get to Pane before the 8th — some family busines^^ 
which requmemy looking after, compelling me to do so." 

"As to that, let your mind be at restyforlshall travel to-morrow 
nigtut^if yott prefer it Now fwr the Fblnay. Why, you are not 
drinking your wine. What do you say to our paying our reiq)ecla 
to the fair ladies above stairs ? I am sure the petits soin^ you 
luivofMractised coming over would permit the liberty." 

" Oh ! hang it,^io. There's. neither of them pretty, and I should 
rather avoid the risk of making a regular acquaintance with them," 
said I. ' 

"As you like, then — only, as you'll not take any wine, let ua 
have a stroll through the town." 

After a short stroll through the town, in which Kilkee talked 
the entire time, but of what I know not, my thoughts being upon 

19* %D 



aiO coawmmions or habet urnxxQims. 

my own iminediate concerns, we letumed to the tioteL An we 
entered the porie^eochere^ my friend Michael passed me, and as 
he took off his hat in salutation, gave me one rapid glance of his 
knowing eye, that completely satisfied me that Hobson's pride in 
my fhend's carriage lutd by that time received quite sufficient 
provocation to throw him into an apoplexy. 

'^ By-the-by/' said I, ^ let us see your carriage. I am curious 
to look at it'^— (and so I was.) 

^ Well, then, come along, tbis way ; they have placed it under 
some of tiie sheds, which they think coach4iouses." 

I followed my friend through the court till we arrived near the 
&tal spot ; but before reaching, he had caught a glimpse of the 
mischief, and shouted out a most awfiil imprecation upon the author 
of the deed which met his eye. The fore-wheel of the coupe haa 
been taken from the axle, and in the difficulty of so doing, from 
the excellence of the workmanship, two of the spokes were broken 
— ^the patent box was a mass of rent metal, and the end of the 
axle turned downwards like a hoe. 

I cannot convey any idea of poor Kilke^s distraction ; and, in 
reality, my own was Uttle short of it ; for tne wretch had so fiur 
outstripped my orders, that I became horrified at the cruel destruc- 
tion before me. We both, therefore, stormed in the most impo»- 
ing English and French, first separately and then together. We 
offered a reward for the apprehension of the culprit, whom no one 
appeared to know, although, as it happened, every one in a large 
household was aware of the transaction but the proprietor himsel£ 
We abused all — ^innkeeper, waiters, ostlers, and chambermaids, 
collectively and individually — condemned Calais as a den of ini- 
quity, and branded all Frenchmen as rogues and vagabonds. This 
seemed to alleviate considerably my friend's grief, and excite my 
thirst — ^fortunately, perhaps, for us ; for if our eloquence had held 
out much longer, I am afraid our auditory might have lost their 
patience ; and, indeed, I am quite certain, if our French had not 
been in nearly as disjointed a condition as the spokes of the caleehe, 
such must have been the case. 

<< Well, Mr. Lorrequer, I suppose, then, we are not destined to 
be fellow-travellers — ^for if you must go to-morrow '^ 

<< Alas ! it is imperative," said L 

<< Then, in any case, let us arrange where we shall meet^ for I 
hope to be in Paris the day after you." . 

« Pll stop at Meurice." 

^ Meurice, be it," said he, ^^ so now good-4iight, till we meet in 
Paris." ' 



dovrsssxons or haskt LOSABQirxiu dll 



CHAPTER XXV. 

THE $»Sir-D'ABHB. 

I HAD fortttnately sufficient influence upon my fair friends to 
persuade them to leaye Calais early on the morning following; and 
two hours before Kilkee had opened his eyes upon this morUd lifey 
we were far upon the road to Paris. 

Having thus far perfectly succeeded in my plot, my spirit rose 
rapidly, and I made every exertion to make the road appear short 
to my fellow-travellers. This part of France is unfortunately de- 
ficient in any interest from scenery; large undivided tracts of wav- 
ing cornfields, with a back-ground of apparently interminable 
forests, and occasionally, but rarely, the glimpse of some old time- 
worn chateau, with its pointed gable and terraced walk, are nearly 
all that the eye can detect in the intervals between the small towns 
and villages. Nothing, however, is << flat or unprofitable'' to those 
who desire to make it otherwise; good health, good spirits, and fine 
weather, are wonderful travelling companions, and render one tole- 
rably independent of the charms of scenery. Every mile Uiat sepa^ 
rated me from Calais, and took away the chance of being over- 
taken, added to my gaiety, and I flatter myself that a happier party 
have rarely travelled that well frequented road. 

We' reached Abbeville to dinner, and adjourned to the beautiful 

little garden of the inn for our coffee; the evening was so delightful 

that I proposed to walk on the Paris road, until the coming up of 

tfie carriage, which required a screw, or a washer, or some such 

trifle as always occurs in French posting. To this la chere mamma 

objected, she being tired, but added, that Isabella and I might go 

on, and that ^e would take us up in half an hour. This w'as an 

arrangement so very agreeable and unlocked for by me, that I 

press(^ Miss Bingham as^r as I well could, and at llist succeeded 

in overcoming her scruples, and permitting me to shawl her. One 

has always a tremendous power of argument with the uninitiated 

abroad, by a reference to a standard of manners and habits totally 

different from our own. Thus the talismanic words — ^< Oh ! don^ 

be shocked; remember you are in France," did more to satisfy my 

young friend's mind than all I could have said for an hour. Little 

did she know that in England pnly, has an unmarried young lady 

any tiberty, and that the standard of foreign propriety on this head 

is far, very far more rigid than our own." 

^<La premitoe rue k gauche," said an old man of whom I 
inquired Uie road; <'et puis," added I. > 

<<And then quite straight; U i» a Ghftius6e all the waf^ and yofa 
wottot misteko iV* 



" Now for it, Mademoiselle," said I. " Let ns try if we cannot 
see a good deal of the country before the carriage comes up.*' 

We had soon left the town behind and reached a beautifully 
shaded high road, with blossoming fruit trees, and honeysuckle- 
covered cottages; there had bwa seveial light showers, during the 
day, and the air had all the fresh, fragrant feeling of an autumn 
evening, so tranquillizing aini calming tbat few there are who have 
not felt, at some time or other of their lives, its influence upon their 
minds. I fiuicied my fair companioa did so, for, aa she wa&ed 
beside member silence, and the gentle pies^ure of her aim^ were 
tuc more eloquent than words» 

If that extraordinary flutter and flurry of sensations which will 
BOW and then seize you, when walking, upon a lonely eountry 
Kiad with a pretty ^rl for your companion^ whose arm is linked 
in yoursy and whose thoughts, as far as you eaa guesa at least, are 
travelling the §ame path with youi own— if ihia be animal aia9- 
jMtism, or one of its phenomena, then do I swear by Mesm^, 
whatever it be, delusion or oUi^wise,it has given me the brjgbieiit 
moments of my life — these are the real ^^winged dreams'' of ple»- 
sures which outlive others of more absorbing and actual interest 
lUtthe time. AlGEer all, for how many of our happiest feelings aue 
we indebted to the weakness of our nature! The man (hat is 
wise at nineteen, ^< Je Pen fais mon compliment," but I assu^edlgr 
do not envy him; and now, even now, when I number more yeara 
fban I should like to '^confess," rather than suffer the suspiciliaa 
watchfulness of age to creep on. me, I prefer to ^^go on belie ving/* 
even though every hour of the day Should show me duped aad 
deceived. While I plead guilty to this impeachmeal, let me sbow 
in mitigation, that it has its enjoyments — ^firsl, although I am the 
IBOst constant and devoted man breathing,, as a very cursory 
fiance at these Confcsstons may prove, yet I have never been 
«ble to restrain myself from a propensity to make love, merely as 
.« pastimes The gambler that sits down to play cards, or ba^ani 
•gainst himself, may perhaps be the only person that can compM*- 
JiQud this tendency of mine. We both of us are playing iGpt w^ 
'^ipgy (or love, which I suppose is synonymous;) we neither <^ na 
put forth our strength; fox that very reason, and in fact lUce the 
w^aiter at Vauxhail, who was complimented upon the dexlerity 
with which he poured out the lemonade, and confessed that be 
epent his mornings '^praetiaiug vith vater," we pass a eonsiderable 
Bortion of our lives in a mimic warliBLie, w^bidb^ if it seem uf^so- 
atable, is^ nevertheless, pleaAaot« 

Afler all this long tirade, need } say how our walk preceded ^ 
We had fallen into a kind of discussion upon the singular intimaof 
which had so rapidly grown up amongst us, and which years long 
m^bt have &iled to eog^er. Our attempts ta analyse the rea- 
sous for, and the nature of tl^ friendship thus so suddenly asta- 
Wished — a. satber dangeran^ and difficult topin, when the parties 
are both young-^-one eminently handsome^ and' t>» Ihrft digypswed 



oBs om HAMcr jummm^w mt u SU 



kfhi xnott sgreeabtB. Ob, nijr dcsar yoang fnM|d» ef etther mc, 
wfaAteTer your fselings be Ibr one another^keep them to your* 
■alf^s; I laaov of nothing half so hazatdouaas that ^^compairiiig 
Cf[ nbt»" which sometimefl happens. Analysis is a beautiful tiring 
m mathematics or chemistry, bat it makes sad havoc when aj^iiied 
to the ** fonetioos of the heart.'' 

<< Mamma appears to have feigv^en us/' sail Isabella, as di# 
^pokBy after walking for ^ome time in silence beside me. 

'<Qh, depend upon it, the carriage has taken all this time to te* 
/•pair ; but are you tired ?" 

^Oh, by no means; the evening is delightfiil, but — «^^' 

" Then perhaps you are ennuyie/' said I, half pettishly, to pto- 
▼eke a disdaimer if possible. To ^is insiduouriy put qnere I 
received, as I deserved, no answer, and again we satmtered on 
TVtf hoot speaking. 

^To whom dees diat chateau belong, my old friend?'' said f, 
addressing a man on the road-side. 

<^ A Monsieur le Maurquis, sir,'' replied he. 

^* But what's his name, though ?" 

^ Ah, that I can't tell you," replied the man again. 

There you may perceive how, even yet, in provincial Fratieey 
ib^ old respect for the aristoci-acy still survives ; it is sufficient that 
die possessor of that .fine place is << Monsieut le Marquis ;" but Miy 
other knowledge of who he is, and what, is soperfloous. 

" How far are we from the next village, do you know ?" 

^ About a league." 
' « Indeed. Why I thought *La Scrape' was quite near us." 

^ Ah, you are thinking of the Amiens road.*' . 

^ Yes, of course ; and is not this the Amiens road ?" 
^ ^Oh, no; the Amiens road lies beyond those low hills to the 
i^t You passed the turn at the first 'barrifere.' " 

"Is it possible we could have come wrong?" 

" Oh, Mr. Loarrequer, don't say so, I entreat of you." 

" And what road is this then, ray friend ?" 

^This is the road to Albert and Peronne." 

"Unfiirtunately, I believe he is quite right. Is there any cro8»> 
road from the village before us now, to the Amiens road ?** 

^ Yes; you can reach it about three leagues hence." 

" And we can get a, carriage at the inn, probably?" * 

^ Ah, that I am not sure of — . Periiaps at the Lion d'or yoa 
may." 

** But why ^ot go back to Abbeville ?" 

^ Oh, Mrs. Bingham must have left long since, and besides yott 
forget the distance ; we have been walking'two hours." 

^Havr for the village," said I, as I drew my friend's arm closet 
within mine, and we set out in a fast walk. 

babeDa seemed terribly frightened at the whole affiur; wlial 
her mamma might think, and what mi^ be ber fears aA not find* , 
iaguaon the road, and a hxmdred other eaooaniging reflectio&s ef 



014 ooomuiBicnis ow bamit Lomu«ii»L 



Aifl oature she poured forth unceasingly. As for myaei^ I did 
not koow well what to think of it ; my old fondness for adventoie 
being ever sufficiently strong in me to give a relish to any thing 
which bore the least resemblance to one. This I now concealed, 
and sympathised with my fair friend upon our mi^ap, and assur- 
ing her, at the same time, that there could be no doubt of our 
overtaking Mrs. Bingham before her arrival at Amiens. 

<' Ah, diere is the village in the valley; how beautifully situated/^ 
' <<0h, I can't admire any thing now, Mr. Lorrequer, I am so 
frightened.'' 

'< But surely without cause," said I, looking tenderly beneath 
her bonnets 

. <'Is this," she answered, << nothing?" and we walked on in si- 
lence again.- 

On reaching the Lion d'or we discovered that the only convey- 
ance to be had was a species of open market-cart drawn by two 
horses, and in which it was necessary that my fair friend and my* 
self should seat ourselves side by side upon straw : there was no 
choice, and as for Miss Bingham, I believe if an ass with panniers 
had presented itself, she would have preferred it to remaining 
where she was. We therefore took our places, and Ae could not 
refrain from laughing, as we sat out upon our journey in this ab- 
surd equipage, every jolt of which threw us from side to side, and 
rendered every attention on my part requisite to prevent her being 
upset. 

After about two hours' travelling we arrived at the Amiens road, 
and stopped at the barriire. I immediately inquired if a carriage 
had passed, resembling Mrs. Bingham's, and learned that it had, 
about an hour before, and that &e kdy in it had been informed 
that two persons like those she asked after, had been seen in a 
caltehe driving rapidly to Amiens, upon which she set out as fiist 
as possible in pursuit. 

<' Certainly," said I, '^ the plot is thickening ; but for that unludcy 
mistake she might in all probability have waited here fat us. 
Amiens is only two leagues now, so our drive will not be long, 
and before six o'clock we shall all be laughing over the matter as 
a very good joke." 

On we ratfled, and as the road became less frequented, and the 
shadows lengthened, I could not but wonder at the strange situa- 
tions which the adventurous character of my life had so often 
involved me in. Meanwhile, my fair friend's spirits became more 
and more depressed, and it was not without the greatest difficulty 
I was enabled to support her courage. I assured her, and not 
altogether without reason, that though so often in my eventfid 
^ career accidents were occurring which rendered it dubious and 
difficult to reach the goal I aimed at, yet the results had so often 
been more pleasant than I could have anticipated, that I always 
fUt a kind of involuntary satisfaction at some apparent obstacle ttf 
iny path, setting it down as some eapedal means of fortune, to 



Inighten the pleuaie awaiting xne : ^ and now/' added I, ^ even 
hare, perhaps, in this very mistake of our road— the sentiments I 

.^have heard — the feelings I have given utterance to " What 

,1 was about to say. Heaven knows — ^perhaps nothing less than a 
• downright proposal was coming; bat at that critical moment a gen- 
d^arme.rode* up to the side of our wagon, and surveyed us with 
the peculiarly significant scowl his order is gifted, with. AAer 
tcotting alongside for a few seconds he ordered the driver to halt, 
and, turning abruptly to as, demanded our passports. Now our 
passports were, at that precise moment, peaceably reposing in the 
side pocket of Mrs. Bingham^s carriage ; I therefore explained to 
the gen*d'arme how we were circumstanced, and added, that on 
arriving at Amiens the passport should be produced. To this hi 
replied, that all might be perfectly true, but he did not believe a 
word of it— that he had received an order for the apprehension of ' 
two English persons travelling that road— and that he should ac- 
cordingly request our compatiy back to Ghantr&ine, the commis- 
sionaire of which place was his officer. 

^ But why not take us to Amiens,'' said I ; <^ particularly when 
: I tdl you that we can then show our passports ?'' . 

^<I belong, to the Chantrdine district,'' was the laconic answer; 
and 13ce the gentleman who could not weep at the sermon because 
he belonged to another pari^, this specimen of a French Dogberry 
would not hear reason except in his own ^ commune." 
, No arguments which I could think of had any effect upon him, 
and amid a volley of entreaty and imprecation, both equally vain, 
we saw ourselves turn back upon the road to Amiens, and set out 
at a round trot to Chantrdine, on the road to Calais. 

Poor Isabella, I really pitied her ; hitherto her courage had been 
principally sustained by the prospect of soon reaching Amiens; 
now there was no seeing where our adventure was to end. Be- 
sides that, actual fatigue from the wretched conveyance began to 
distress her, and she was scarcely able to support herself, though 
assisted by my arm. What a perilous position mine, whispermg 
consolation and comfort to a pretty girl on a lonely road, the only 
person near being one who comprehended nothing of the language 
we spoke in. Ah, how little do we know of fate, and how often 
do we despise circumstances that determine all our fortunes in the 
world. To think that a gen-d'arme should have any thing to do 
with my future lot in life, and that the real want of a passport to 
travel should- involve the probable want of a license to marry. 
Yes, it is quite in keeping, thought I, with every step I have taken 
through life. I may be brought before the "maire" as a culprit^ 
and leave him as a Benedict. 

On reaching the town, we were not permitted to drive to the inn, 
but at once conveyed to the house of the "commissaire," who was 
also the " maire" of the district. The worthy functionary was long 
since in bed, and it was only after ringing violently for half an hour 
that.a head, surmounted with a dirty cotton night-cap, peeped ftom 



M6 MBffMsiotfs am aABar 

SB upper window, aad seemed to 8ar?0f the aseemUeige beiMidL 
with patient attention. By this tkne a considerable crowd had col- 
lected from the neighboring ale-houses and eabaret^j who deemed 
it a moet fitting occasion to honour us with the most infernal jrells 
and shouts, as indicating their love oi justice, and delight in detect- 
ing knavery ; and that we were both involved in si^h suspicion, 
we had not long to learn. Meanwhile the poor old maire, wlto 
.had been an employ^ in the stormy days of the revalution, and 
also under Napoleon, and who fully concurred with Swift that ^ a 
crowd is a mob, if composed even of bishops," firmly believed that 
the uproar beneath in the street was the announcement of a new 
tiiange of affairs at Paris, determined to be early in the field, and 
i^outed therefore with all his lungs — ^<vive le pietiple'^ — *^v\v% la 
charte" — *^^ baa les autres/' A tremendous shout of laughter 
eahited t&is exhibition of imezpected republicanism, and the poor 
ODure retired from the window, having learned his mistake, coveted 
with' shame and confusion. 

Before the mirth caused by this blunder had subsided, die door 
had opened, and we Weire ushered into the bujteau of the commis- 
saire, accompanied by the anxious crowd, all curious to know the 
particulars of our crime. 

The maire soon appeared, his night-cap being replaced by a 
small black velvet skull-cap, and his lanky figure envefeped in a 
tarnished silk dressing-gown ; he permitted us to be seated, while 
thegen-d'arme recounted the suspicious circumstances of out tra-i 
veiling, and produced the order to arrest an Englishman and his wife 
who had arrived in, one of the late Boulogne^packets, and who had 
carried off from some banking-house money and bUls for a large 
amount. "^ 

<' I have no doubt these are the people,'' said the gen-d'arme ; 
<^and here is the ^ carte descriptive.' JLet us compare it-^< Forty 
two or forty-three years of age.' " 

^ I trust, M. le Maire," said I, overhearing thie, << that ladies do 
not recognise me so much." 

^ Of a pale and cadaverous aspect," continued the gen-d'arme» 

" Civil and complimentary, certainly," added I. 

^ Squints much with the left eye. Look at Monsieur le Maive, 
if 3fou please, sir," said the gen-d'arme. 

Upon this the old functionary wiping his spectacles with a snuffy 
handkerchief, as if preparing them to examine an eclipse of the 
sun, regarded me fixedly for several minutes, and said— >^ Oh, yei^ 
I perceive it plainly ; continue Uie description." 

^ Five feet three inches," said the gen-d'arme. 

<^Six feet one in England, whatever this climate may h^ve done 
since." 

** Speaks broken and bad French." 

''like a native," said I; ^'at least so said my fidenda in the 
diauss^e D'Antin, in the year fifteen." 

Here the catalogue ended, and a short conferenoe between Ibe 



:€mmamfimM ^ VMftr MiWiOii- tiff 

k and th^ geiird^4rtti« mfOfid^ wU# •nied te ^n« Maf mot 
mined toi ezamiBatkNi 011 the itioiiowi OMMrarhUe ve wme i0t9h 
teain at the km, under the surveiUaiiee of the ge»4'ti«iie. 

On reaching the inn my poorfijetid frassdcoi&idetelyeKhauilttl 
that she at once retired io her roeoi^ aiad I proeeededio fulfil a^0- 
mise I had made het to despatdi a note to l^fs. Bingham at Amunl 
^ a special messenger, acquainting h^ with all onr mishapi^ a«l 
requesting her to come or send to our aasiblance. This doae, a&d 
a good supper smoking Wore me, of wMch with dsffioui^r i fm^ 
miaded Isabella to partake in her o^u room^ I again Yegaiited mf 
equanimity, and felt onee mo^ at ease. 

The gen-d'arme in Arhose guardianship I bad inran Irft mnM # 
4m specimen of his caste ; a lacge and ponrerfolly built maa lif 
about fifty, with ao enormous Wrd of gmaiy bvotwii mid pt|f 
biiur, meeting above and beneath his nether tip; hiseyebiO'Wis wesa 
heavy and beetling, and nmrly coooealed fan riiarp gray ems» 
vJiile a deep sabre-wputid had left upon his, cheek a loi^ wnMe 
soar, giving a ntiost warlike and ferocious look to his featsves. . 

As he sat apart from me for some time, sUent and motionlels, I 
QfMild not help imagining in how many a hard-fought day he Mi 
borne a part ; for he evidently; &om his age and bearing, had beeii 
one of the soldiers of the empire. I i&viced him to partake of oar 
bottle of Medoc, by which h» ae^iEied flattered. When the flssfc 
became low, and was replaced by another, he appeared to hsina 
lisst imi^ of his cdhstrained air, and seemed forgetting rapidly Am 
suspicious circumstances which he supposed attached to me-^wjuc-* 
ed wondrous confidentsCL and commmiieative, and eondescendeA 
to impart some traits of a life which was not without its vifiiMi«> 
tttdes, for he had been, as I suqpected, oae of the ^^Ouarde^-^^het 
old guarde— was wounded at Marengo, and received the ctoii: 
d'bdaneur in the field of Wagram, from the hands of the empensr 
himself The headlong enthusiasm of attachment to Napelasi^ 
whidi his brief and stormy care^ dddted even from those wte 
siifieied long and deeply in his behalf, is not one of the least m^ 
gular dreumstances which this portion of tnstory displays. Whife 
the i%ours of the conscription had invaded every &mtly in Franov 
from Normdndie to La Vendue — while the untilled fields, the ruioh 
ed granaries, the half-deserted villages, all attested the depopulation 
of the land, those talismanic words, '^'Empereur et la gloire,'' byr 
some magic mechanism seemed all-sufficient not only to reprsiia 
regret and suffering, but even stimulate pride, and nourish ^aloor; 
and even yet, when it might be supposed that, like the briUianI} 
glass of a magic lantern, the gaudy pageant had passed awaf^ 
leaving only the darkness and desolation behind it*^he memorif 
of those days under the empire survives untarnished and uniob* 
paired, and every sacrifice of friends or fortune is accounted Wt 
little in the bahince when Ae honour of La Belle Fmnoe, and ikm 
tiiu|Bftphs of tlie gremd ** armlie'' are weighed against tiieuL Hiii 
iikfauated and etithusiastici Ibilo wets ef thisgieat men, we«itdMM^ 
19 29 E 



918 poimtaioiis or baut LonsQtrvB. 

in wme respeots, to resemble |be dnmkard in the ^Vandevffle/^ 
-vrho alleged as hisexcQse for drinking, that whenever he was sober 
his poverty disgusted him. ^My cabin/' said he, ^^is a cell, nry^ 
wife a mass of old rags, my child a wretched object of misery and 
malady. Bat give me brandy ; let me only have that, and then my 
hut is a palace, my wife is a princess, and my child the very pic- 
ture of health and happiness y' so with these people — ^intoxicatml 
with the triumphs of their nation ^^tete montey^' with victory — 
they cannot exist in the horror of sobriety which peace necessarily 
enforces; and whenever the subject turns in conversation upon the 
distresses of the time or the evil prospects of the countiy, the^ 
call out, not like die drunkard, for brandy, but in the same spint 
Ihey say — ^'^ Ah, if you would again see France flourishing and 
happy, let us once more have our croix d'honneur, our epaulettes, 
our voluntary contributions, our Murillos, our Velasquez, our spoils 
from Venice, and our increased territories to rule over.'' This is 
the language of the Buonapartist every where, aiid at all seasons; 
and tibe mass of the nation is wonderfolly disposed to participate 
in the sentiment. The empire was the iBneid of the nation, and 
Napoleon the only hero they now believe in. You may satisfy 
yourself of this easily. Every ca/if 'will give evidence of it, every 
society bears its testimony to it, and even the most wretched Vau* 
deviUe, however trivial the interest — ^however meagre the story, 
and poor the diction, let the emperor but have his " r&le" — ^let him 
be as laconic as possible, carry his hands behin<niis back, wear the 
wcill-faiown low cocked-hat and the ** redingote gris*^ — the suc- 
cess is certain---every sentence he fitters is applauded, and not a 
smgle allusion to the Pyraniids, the sun of Austerlitz, I'honneur, et 
la vieiUe garde, but is sure to bring down thunders of acclama- 
tion. But I am forgetting myself, and perhaps my reader too ; the 
conversation of the old gen-4'arme accidentally led me into reflec- 
tions like these, and he was well calculated, in many ways, to call 
^em forth. His devoted attachment — ^his personal love of the em- 
peror — of which he gave me some touching instances, was admi- 
rably illustrated by an incident, which I am inclined to tell, and 
hope it may amuse the reader as much as it did myself on hear- 
ing it. 

When Napoleon had taken possession of the papal dominions, 
as he virtually did, and carried ofi* the pope, Pius VI., to Paris, this 
old soldier, then a musketeer iii the garde, formed part of the com- 
pany that mounted guard over the holy father. During the earlier 
months of the holy father's confinement be was at liberty to leave 
his apartments at any hour he pleased, and cross the court-yard of 
the palace to the chapel where he performed mass. At such mo 
ments the portion of the Imperial Guard then on duty stood tmder 
amis, and received from the august band of the pope his benedic- 
tion as he pa.ssed. But one morning a hasty express arrived from 
the Tuilleries, and the officer on duty comniumcated his instruc- 
(jbns to his party, that the apostolic vicar was not to be permitted 



to pass, as heretofore, to the chapel, and that a most rigid superin- 
teadence was to be exercised over his movements. My poor com- 
panion had his turn for duty on that ill-starred day ; he had not 
been long at his post when the sound of footsteps was heard ap- 
proaching, and he soon saw the procession which always attended 
tfie holy father to his devotions, mvandng towards him; he imme- 
diately placed himself across the passage, and with his musket in 
rest, barred the exit, declaring, at the same time, that such were 
Mb orders. In vain the priests who formed the cortege addressed 
themselves to his heart, and spoke to his feelings ; and at last find- 
ing little sttcoess by these methods, explained to him the mortal sin 
and crime for which eternal damnation might not be a too heavy 
retribution if he persisted in preventing his holiness to pass, and 
tims be a means of opposing an obstacle to the head of the whole 
Catholic church, for celebrating the mass; the soldier remained firm 
and unmoved, the only answer he returned being, ^Uhat he had 
bis orders, and dared not disobey them.'' The pope, however, 
persisted in bis resolution, and endeavoured to get by, when the 
nardy veteran retreated a step, and placing his musket and bayonet 
at the charge, called out ^'au nom de PEmpereur," when the pious 
party at last yielded, and slowly retired within the palace. 

Not many days after, this severe restriction was recalled, and 
once more die father was permitted to go to and from the chapel 
of the palace, at such times as he pleased, and again, as before; in 
passing the corriddr, the guards presented arms and received the 
holy benediction, all except one ; upon him the head of the church 
firowned severely, and turned his back,, while extending his piou» 
hands towards the others. << And yet,'' said the poor fellow in 
concluding his story, ^< and yet I could not have done otherwise; I 
had my orders and niust have followed them, and had the emperor 
commanded it, I should fiave run my baypnet through the body of 
tibie holy father himsel£ 

<< Thus, you see, my dear sir, how I have loved the emperor, fof 
I have many a day stood under fire for him in this world, ' et il 
faut^ quefailk encore au feu pour lui qpr^ ma morV " 

He received in good part the consolations I offered him on thia 
head, but I plainly saw they did not, could not relieve his mind 
from the horrible conviction ne lay under, that his soul's safety for- 
ever had been bartered for his attachment to the emperor. 

This story had brought us to the end of the third bottle of Me- 
doc ; and, as I was neither the pope, nor had any very decided in- 
tentions of saying mass, he offered no obstacle to my retiring for 
. (he night, and betaking myself to my bed. 



ic , 



CHAPTER XXFI 

T«s wv AT ^UikwituAmm. 

. Wmmm contrasted wUk the comfoists af an Ssglish bad-f MOft Wk 
a l^nod b»tel, bow miserably dioitdo«B th^ ai^petrance of « Vrntadk 
OM fail ID the estimation of the tiiced t£a¥eU^. M OKchmace te 
dM oarpeted Aodr, the weli-curtaiaed wiiidovfly tbe rioUy <apot^ 
tried bed, the well-cushioned armchair, and ihe inwaBiAraUjeci&or 
iHKuries which await him ; he has naught but a aairow, vmtm» 
tttuied bed, a bare floor, occasionally a flagged oQie, tbxee hardean^- 
b*t(oa»ed chairs, atMl a lookii^-glass which loaay coayey an idea oC 
bow y<oiL would look under the combined influence of thecholei% 
aiid A sta^oke of apoplexy, one-half of yK>ur face beifig twioe. tkw[ 
Isd^th of the other, and the entire of it of a bluish-green tisH^^ 
pjMtty onOHgh in one of Turner's landscapes, but not «t «11 beoomr* 
. is^ when applied to the <^ human face diyine.'' Let no late amval 
from the continent contradict me here by his late experienoa^ 
which a stray twenty pounds and the railroads — ^(confound Aam 
jbr the same) — have enabled him to acquire. I speak of matteit 
bof<»e it occurred to all Cfaaring-Cross and Cheapside to '^ take tiia 
watear'^ between Dover and Calais, and inundate the Wdrld witk 
the wit of the Cider Cellar, and the Hole in the Wall No! In Mm 
dsjFS I write q£^ the travelled were of another g»nas, and ftm 
0Mgbt4ine at Vory's, or have your lodge at '^ Les Italiens," with'* 
out being dunned by your tailor, at the one, or oonfronitod wiA. 
your washerwoman at 4he other. Perhaps I have written afl Aiui 
i|i the spite and malice of a man who feels that his louis«d'or 01^ 
goes half as far now as heretofore; and attributes a2| his diminished 
^iqqyments and restricted luxuries to the unceasing cuiarent of Ids 
^untrynien, whom fate, and the law of imprisonment for debt| 
impel hither* Whether I am 4S0 lar guilty or not, is not now &e 
fuestionj suffice it to say» that Harry Lorrequer, for reasons best 
l^wn 'to himself, liv^ abroad, where he wiU be moA happy 4o 
see any of his old and former friends who take his quarters em 
route ; and in tb& words of a bellioosd brother of the pen, but in a 
fisfeir difiereiiit^irit,he would add, <^that any person who feels him- 
self h6i» alluded to, may learn the author's address |t his publish^ 
er's." <rNow lot us go back to <mi muttons," as Barney Coyla 
used to say in the Dublin Library formerly — ^for Barney was fond 
of French allusions, which occasionally tooh^ gave in their own 
tongue, as once describing an interview with Lord Cloncurry, in 
which he broke off suddenly the conference, adding, f^ I told him I 
never could consent to such a proposition, and putting my chateau 
\chapeau) on my head, I left die house at once." 



OP m^Bmt MuawwA. MM 



tk^m^-mvif thxee o'«I««k in Ifae iMcmi«^a%fli(M:om9«Mid bf 
IJMr HKftiler; wbo^ lOre olbersi of bis tribe, had bfieome a kiod ^ 
mmmambxdkl ex-ofSydOy I wendett my way 19 one flight of staiM^ 
aad dowa aootiiei;i along a natrow ^rridor, down tw# stef% 
Ihcragh an aole^ambc^r, and into another corridory to Noi..S)d,jHf 
biJbitatioa fof the night. Why I should h^ve bef n so far eandwet^d 
fiMA the habitable portiaa of the bojoae I had spent my evejMiif 
m, I leave therlearned in such matters to explain; as lor me, I hai^ 
aTer remarked it, while asking for a chamber in a larg^ roamif- 
botel) the singular pride w^ which you are ushered up gi^l^ 
stair-^asesy down passages, through eorridors, and up narrow back 
flights, till the blue sky is seen through the sky-light, to No. 199, 
^&e only spave bed-ioom in the hoase/' while the silenee ani 
d^aalation of the whole estaUiahmoiU would seem to imply te 
otherwise — the only evidence of occupation bemg a pair q£ diilf 
WeUiogtone at the door of No. 72. 

^ Well, we have arrived i4 kot," said I, drawing a deep agh ai 
I dxrew m)tsalf upon a rieketty ebair, and sunreyed lapftAy Bqr 
meagse-lopking apartment 

^Yes, this is Monsieur's ehavahes,'' said the waiter, with a 
may peculiar look, half servile, hahf droll. ^ Madame^se couoki^ 
JJo. aa*' 

"< Very weU, goad a^h V ^M if ckatng tjbe do<»r haatily^ m€ 
iiat liking the fiur^er scnuUtiy of tbe fellow'a eye, as he fialeMB 
item me, as if to search what precaee degpree of rdaiionsbip*axiflled 
l^^tween myself and my fair friend, whom he had called ^ Madame? 
loirposely to elicit an observation &om me. ^ Ten to one thou|^'' 
md. I^as I undressed myself, '^but thoy think she is my yri&H^ 
hofw good< — bnl again<**ay, il is veiry pos^ble, considering we aaii 
ki France. Numero vingt4iuil, i}tuio far enough for thes pait 4f 
Aft bouse I should suppose from my number — thai old geiHd'aniO 
was a fine fellow — ^what strong attadiment to Napoleon; and the 
atary of the pope; I hope I may remember ihat. Lsabdla^pemr 
gidH-4his adventure must really distress her — hope sbe is not 
aiyiog over it — what a devil of a hard bed — and it is aot^fivo ftflt 
long too — and, bless my soul,, ia this all by way of covering ; wby^ 
I shall be perished 'here. Oh ! I must certainly put aU' my dothai 
%n^er me in addition, unfortunatdy there is no heaxth-rulg-^^wcl^ 
i^foe^ is no help for it now — so let me try to sleep^^-numero vingft- 

How long I remained in a kind of uneasy, fitful slunauber^ I eaia> 
not tell ; but I awoke shivering with cold — puzzled to tell wheie I 
was, and my brain addled with the broken fragments of half a 
daaen dreams, all mingling and mixing themselves with the un- 
pleasant realities of my situation. What an* infernal contrivance 
for a bed, thought I, as my head came thump against the top^ 
while jny legs projected &r beyond the foot-mil; the miserable 
section of elotlmig over me at the same time being only sufficient 
to tOMor the ni^ air wbjoh in autumn ia ocsagionatty avram 



M2 CONFESSIONS OF HABBT LORBEQVEB. 

and cutting. This will nerer do. I must ring the bell and rouse 
ttie house, if only to get a fire, if they don't possess such a thbig 
BM blankets. I immediately rose, and groping my way along the 
wall, endeavoured to discover the bell, but in vain ; and for the 
same satisfactory reason that Yon Troil did not devote one chapter 
of his work on ^ Iceland'' to '* snakes,'' because there were none 
»uch there. What was now to be d<»ie ? About the geography 
ef my present abode I knew, perhaps, as much a^the public at 
large know about the Coppermine river and Behring's straits. 
The world, it was true, was before me, " where to choose," admi- 
rable things for an epic, but decidedly an unfortunitte circumstance 
for a very cold gentleman in search of a blanket. Thus thinking, 
I opened the door of my chamber, and not in any way resolv^ 
how I should proceed, I stepped forth into the long corridor, which 
was dark as midnight itself. 

Tracing my path along the wall, I soon reached a door which I 
In vain attempted to open ; in another moment I found another 
and another, each of which were locked. Thus alori|; the entire 
corridor I felt my way, making every effort to discover where any 
of the people of the bouse might have concealed themselves, but 
without success. What was to be done now ? It was of no use 
to go back to my late abode, and find it comfortless as I left it ; so 
I reaolved to proceed in my search ; by this time I had arrived at 
Am top of a small flight of stairs, which I remembered having 
come up, and which led to another long passage similar to the one 
I had explored, but running in a transverse direction : down this I 
now crept^ and reached the landing, along the wall of which I was 
^ded by my hand, as well for safety as to discover the architrave 
of dome friendly door, where the inhabitant might be sufficiently 
Samaritan to lend some portion of his bed-clothes; door after door 
foUowed in succession along this cpnfounded passage, which I began 
to think as long as the gallery of the lower one *, at last, however, 
just as my heart was sinking within me from disappointment, ths 
luindle of a lock turned, and I found myself inside a chamber. 
How was I now to proceed ? for if this apartment did not contain 
any of the people of the hotel, I had had but a sorry excuse for 
disturbing the repose of any traveller who might have been more 
fortunate than myself in the article of blankets. To go back, 
however, would be absurd, having already taken so much trouble 
to find out a room that was inhabited — ^for that such was the case, 
a short, thick snore assured me — so that my resolve was at once 
made, to waken the sleeper, and endeavour to interest him in my 
destitute situation. I accordingly approached the place where tte 
•nasal sounds seemed to issue from, and soon reached the post of a 
bed* I waited for an instant, and then began, 

*^ Monsieur, voulez vous bien me perm6ttre " 

^^ As to short whist, I never could make it out, so there is an end 
'of it," said my jmknown friend, in a low, husky voicey which, 
strangely enough, was not totally unfamiliar to me : but when or 
how I had heard it before X could not then think. ^ 



covyBs$ioN8 OF ttliftir losswiitsb. " MS 

Wen, thought I9 he is an EngiishmaD, at all eTents, so I hope )aok 
patriotism may forgire my intrusion^ so here goes once more to 
rouse him, though he seems a confoundedly heary rieep^. ^ I 
beg your pardon, sir, but trnfortunately, iii a point like the present 

perhaps " 

<< Well, do you mark the points, and I'll score the rubber/^ 
said he. 

^ The devil take the gambling fellow's dreaming," thought T^ 
raising my voice at the same time. 
<^ Perhaps a cold night, sir, may suffice as my apology." 
"Cold, oh, ay! put a hot poker in it," muttered he; "a hoi 
poker, a little sugar, and a spice of nutmeg — nothing else — ^theii 
it's delicious." 

" Upon my soul, this is too bad," said I to myself " Let us 
see what shaking will do. Sir, sir, I shall feel obliged by ^ — -^' 

" Well there, don't shake me, and I'U tell you where I hid the 
cigars — ^they are under my straw hat in the window." 

<* Well, really," thought I, " if this gentleman's confessions were 
of an interesting nature, this might be good fun ; but as the night 
is cold, I must shorten the ' sSance,' so here goes for one eCfort 
more." 

" If, sir, you could kindly spare me even a small portion of yottr 
bed-clothes.'^ t '> 

« No, thank you, no more wine ; but I'll sing With pleasure :" 
and here the wretch, in something like the voice of a frog with tfie 
quinsy, began, "^ I'd mourn the hopes that leave me.'" "You 
^hall mourn something else for the same reason," said I, as losihjg 
all patience, I seized quilt and blankets by the corner, and with 
one vigorous pull wrenched them from the bed, and darted frotaT 
the room — ^in a second I was in the corridor, trailing my spoil be* 
hind — which in my haste I had not time to collect in a bundle.-^ 
I flew rather than ran along the passage, reached the stairs, and in 
another minute had reached the second gallery, but not before I 
heard die slam of a door behind me, and the same instance the foot- 
eteps of a person running along the corridor, who couM be no other ^ 
than my pursuer, effectually aroused by my last appeal to his eba- 
rity. I^darted along the dark and narrow passage ; but soon to my 
horror discovered that I must have passed the door of my chainber, 
for I had reached the foot of a narrow back stair, which led to the 
^enier and the servant'| rooms, beneath the roof To turn now 
would only have led me plump in the fece of my injured country-- 
man, of whose thew and sinew I was perfectly ignorant, and did 
not much like to venture upon. There was little time for reflec- 
tion, for he had now reached the top of the stair, and was evidently 
listening for some clue to guide him on ; stealthily and silently, and 
scarcely drawing breath, I mounted the narrow stairs, step by step, 
but beiore I had arrived at the landing, he heard the rustle of the 
bed-clothes, and again gave chase. There was something in the 
nurelenting ardour of bis pursuit; which 9u$$^st9d t^ my mia<l thi^ 



Ml* flff ai MM WMOoipioiwMiB file j: and M fern added sf«9d to 
«iy«teps, I daahsd atoa^ banealb dis low-iMfed passage wojpdai^ 
ktg whan chance of aaeai^ might y^ present itself. Just at thw^ 
iHteBk, the hand by wbii^h. I had guided myself along the waU, 
lenched the handle of a door — ^I turned it — ^it opened — I drew in 
. tiqr t^xeeiooB hosdle^ tnd dosing the door nai^elessly^ sat down, 
breathless and still, upon the floor. 

ftmiKsely wa0 tUs, the work of a second, accomplished, when 
the heavy tread of my pursuer resounded on the floor. 

« Upon my censcieBce, it's strange if I havnH you now, my 
ftfrnd,'' said hd ; ^you're m a euJ de me here, as they ssly, if I 
toow any thing of the house ^ and fiiith I'll make a salad of you, 
when I get you, that's all. Devil a dirtier trick ever I hieai^d 
«lo£" 

Steed I say that tliesei words had the true snoack of an Irish zf^ 
^mil, which circuiiistanc^ fron^ wbateTer cssuse, did not bf any 
means tend to assuage itty fears iu the event of discovery. 

However, from such a misfortune my good geniui^ now delivered 
3n»; fst after tranevsing the passage to the end, he at kst diah 
icraered anothes, which led by a hmg flight to the second story, 
down which he proceeded, venting at every step his determination 
At Tcngeance, and bif lesohuioa not t» desist from the pursuit, if 
it todk the entire night for it. 

<*WdU now," though J, **as he will scarcely venture np here 
•gaiBs, aitd as I may, by leaving this, be only incurring the rksk of 
eneounteriiig him^my best plaik is to stay where I am, if it be. poi^ 
jriMe, ^^th this intend L proceeded to explore the apartment 
nMch ffoss its perfect stilhies^ I concluded to be unoccupied,-^ 
Aftet s(M»ie few minutes groping I reached a low bed, fortunajtely 
empty, and aldiough the touch of the bed-clothes led to no very 
JUNmrable augury of its neatness or elegance, there was little choicp 
*tli1|l«3 momeol, so 1 rolled my^self up in my recent booty, and re- 
criivjed to await patiently for daybreak to regain my apartment. 

As always happens in such circumstances, sleep came on jw 
murnpares — eo at least every one's experience I am sure caa testify, 
iimt' ii you are forced to awake early to start by some morning 
jCi|B«h, and ibat unfortunately you have not got to bed tijl late 4t 
nigjbt^, the^ chances are ten to one, that you get no sleep whatever, - 
n^ply because you are desirous for it ; but make up your mij^ 
*fi«er-so resolutely, that you'll not sleep, and whether your deter- 
.maalian be built on motives of propriety, duty, convenience, or 
haalthi and the chances are just as strong that you are sound ajod 
anoring before ten minutes. 

How many a nmn has. found it impossible; with every effort of 
his heart and brain aiding his good wishes, to sit with unclosed 
«yes and ears through a dull sermon in the dog-days ; how many 
m expectant, longing heir has yielded to the drowsy influence 
H^ea endeavouring to look contrite under the severe correction of 
nlfotone on extravagance from bisi uncle. Who has not felt tht 



•9 HABftT iiiimiwuiuiM. M5 



ttMriilftle tejiAnMsy ta <« dfop eff '' i» Ike h^ 
«• a mofii. cMfHrjMiMie ? i need not oatakgm 4e tiM 
otfler titttatioDS ia life infuiitd^ taore *^ sba»p^0uaifeiaia§^* Vkm 
moiptHne ; for mysaU^ my pleasaotnt aod SDundest momenls of 
permt feiffetfidnm of this droary worid and i^ hs cam, faMie 
been taken «» an oaken bencfa, eeated heit uprig^ and edb d ttlr 
l»a leeturer on botany, whose ca^oBing accent^ onked with the- wft- 
ened light of an autmnoal day, piercing it» dif&eiste rays throai^ 
A» narrow and cob webbed windows, die odoni of thereeent pknts 
and flowers aiding and abetting, all combined to sleep the soul ki 
dsep, and yon sank by imperee|MablB and gradual stepa into that 
Slate of easy slumber, ia which ^* ooae no dreams,'' and tti^ last 
snamis of the lectover's ^ hypogenons and perigenous'' died away, 
becoming beautifaliy less^till your senses sank into rest,the syllabtas 
^"^ging us, rigging us,*' seemed to meit away in the difltooce a«d 

Aide from ycHir memory Peace be irtth you. Doctor A. If I 

owe gratitude anywhete, I have my debt with. you. The Tory 
msmory I bear of you, has saved me no inconsidearadbie sum infaep 
and henbane. ^ Witltoat any assietanee feom the aeimicea oft the 
yiissual occasion, I was sooa asleq>, and woke not titt the ci^HUag 
of wh^ and the tmmpling of horses' feet on tf» payement of the 
-otfaeb-yard apprmd me that Hmt world had riaeis lo its daily hriMUr, 
9mtm should 1. From the diort siwey of my present. Ghamhar 
whieh I took on waldng, 1 co^eotared it most have been the dsn 
of some ^ die servants of the homie upon occasion-^wo low 
fsnaekle-beds of die meanest descriptioir hiy aloag the walL oroe- 
ske ft>min6$ one of them appeased to have been slept in dbuiQg 
dm past night, but by what species of animal the Fates alione can 
tell. An old demi-peak saddle, cajpp^ and tiH>ed with haass, 
soma lusty bits, and stiay slimip-irons, lay here and there upon 
Aft Aoor ; while upon a species of dothee-rack, lUtached to a safier, 
hung a tarnished suit of postillion's livery, cap, jadcet, leatfiess, 
9mi jaek-hoots, afi ready for use ; and evidently from their airangs- 
ment supposed by the owner to be rather a creditable ^ torn out" 

I turned over these singular habiliments with much of the CMii- 
osity with which mi andquary would smr vey a suit of chain aimour ; 
the long. epaulettes of yellow cotton^ cord, the heavy bell with its 
brass buckle, the cumbrous boot% plaited and bound widi iron like 
churns^ were in rather a ludicrous contrast to the equipment of our 
light aiid jockey-like boy» in nankeen jackets and neat tpps, thi^t 
^pois along over our lencel ^ macadam." 

<< But," thought I, "< it is full time I should get bac^ to No. 88, 
and make my appearance below stairs ;" though in what pari of 
the building my room lay, and how I was to reach it without mgr 
elplhes» I hiA not the slightest idea. A blanket is an excessively 
comfortable article of wearing apparel when in bed, but as a walk- 
ing <rastiime is by no means convenient or appropriate ; while to 
»g % wii^mk wumg% bowevm: appropriate duiing d^ night, 
wwt ffiw^r iMMW <daipc&iene if done <<mpleia jpur/' and 

«F 



• M9 CONFB89IOK8 Of XABBT LOBmXHVXX. 

with, the whole establiahment awake and active; the ooiae of 
mopping, ecrabbing, and poUshiog, which is etejrnally going for- 
ward in a foreign inn amply testified there was nothing which I 
could adopt in. my present naked and forlorn condition, save the 
bizarre and ridiculous dress of the postiUidh, and I need not say 
the thought of so doing presented nothing agreeable. , I looked 
ftom the narrow window out iq>on the tiled roof, but without any 
prcHipect of being heard if I called ever so loudly. 

T^e infernal noise of floor cleansing, assisted by a Norman pea- 
sant's *< chanson du pays," the time being well marked by her 
heavy sabots, gave even less chance to me within ; so that after 
more than ha& an hour passed in* weighing difficulties, and can- 
vassing plans, upon donnii^ the blue and yellow, and setting out 
for my own room without delay, hoping sincerely, that with pro- 
per precaution, I shoidd h^ able to reach it unseen and unobserved. 
. As I laid but little stl^ss upon the figure I should make in my 
new habiliments, it did not cause me much mortification tp find 
that the clothes were considerably too small, the jacket scarcely 
coming beneath my arms, and the sleeves being so Akoxt that my 
Jbands and wrists projected bpyond the cufis Uke two encKrmous 
<daws ; the leathers were also limited in their length, and when 
drawn up to a proper height, permitted my knees to be seen be- 
neath like the short costume of a Danish Tauridor, but scarcely 
«is graceful; not wishing to encumber myself in the heavy and 
noisy masses of wood, iron, and leather^ they call '^ les bottes forts," 
I slipped my feet into my slippers, and stole gently from the room. 
How I must have looked at the moment I leave my reader to guess, 
a9 widi anxious and stealthy pace I crept along the low gallery 
that led to the narrow staircase, down which I proceeded, step by 
step ; but just as I reached the bottom, perceived a little distance 
from me, with her back turned towards me, a short, squat peasant 
on her knees, labouring with a brush the well waxed floor ; to 
pass therefore, unobserved, was impossible, so that I did not heai- 
.tate to address her, and endeavour to interest her in my behalf, and 
enlist her as my guide. 

^^ Bon jour, ma chere," said I in a soft insinuating tone ; she did 
not hear me, so I repeated, 

** Bon jour, ma chere, bon jour." 

Upon this she turned round, and looking fixedly at me for a 
second, called out in a thick patois, '^ Ah, le bon Dieu ! qu'il est 
drole comme 9a, Francois, savez-vous, mais ce ne'st pas Francois;" 
saying which, she sprang from her kneeling position to her feet, 
and with a speed that her shape and sabots seemed little to pro- 
mise, rushed down the stairs as if shQ had seen the devil himself. 

<* Why, what is the matter with the woman?" said I, *^ surely if 

I am not Francois — ^which God be thanked is true-^yet I cannot 

look so frightful as all this would imply." I had not mud^time 

' given me for consideration now, for before I had welt .od|iheied 

the number over a door before m^, the loud aoise of s ' nU yoioea 



<« the floor be&eath attracted my attention, a&d the momeDt after 
the heavy tramp of feet followed, and in an instant the gallery vma 
thronged by the men and women of the house — waiters, hostlers, 
cooks, sculUons, filles de chamhre, mingled with gens-d^armes, pea- 
sants, and townspeople, aU eagerly forcmg their way up stairs; yet 
all on arrivitig at the landing-place, seemed disposed to: ke^ at a 
respectful distance, and bundlmg themselves at one end of the cor- 
ridor, while I, feelingly alive to the ridiculous appearance I made, 
occupied the other — ^the gravity with which they seemed at first 
deposed to regard me, soon gave way, and peal after peal of laugh- 
ter broke out, a^d young and old, men and women, even to the 
most farouche genS'<l'armes,all appearing incapable of controUutg 
the desire for merriment my most singular figure insf>ir«d ; and un- 
fortunately, this emotion seemed to promise no very speedy condn- 
sion ; for the jokes and witticisms made upon my appearance threat- 
ened to renew the festivities, ad libitum, 

<< R^gardez done ses 6paij(les,'^ said one* 

'^ Ah, mon Dieu ! II me fiiit I'id^e d'une grenouille aves ses jambes 
ja^mes,'^ cried another. - 

^ U vaut son pesant de Iromage pour une Vaudevflle,^' said the 
director of the strolling theatre of the place^ 

^ Pll give seventy francs a week, 'd'appointment,' and * Scribe* 
shall write a piece express for himself, if |e'U take if 

. ^ May the devil fly away with your grinning baboon faces,^' 
said I, as I rushed up the stairs again, pursued by the mob. at fdll 
ory ; scarcely, however, had I reached the top step, when the rough 
iumd of the gen-d^arme seized me by the shoulder, whUe he said 
in a low, husky voice, ^^ c'est inutile. Monsieur, you cannot escape 
--Hthe thing was well contrived, it is true ; but the gen&nl'armes of 
France are not easily outwitted, and you could not liave long 
avoided detection, even in that dress/' It was my turn to' laugh 
now ; which, to their very great amazement, I did, loud and long ; 
4hat I should have thought my present costume could ever have 
been the means of screening me irom observation, however it 
might have been calculated to attract it, was rather too absurd a 
supposition even for the mayor of a village to entertain ; besides, 
it only now occurred to me that I was figuring in the character of 
a prisoner. The continued peals of laughing which this mistake 
on their part elicited from me, seemed to afford but slight pleasure 
to my captor, who gruffly said*-^ 

<* When you have done amusing yourself, mon ami, perhaps you 
will do us the favour to come before the mayor.'' ' 

" Certainly," I replied ; *^ but you will first permit me to resume 
my own clothes^ I am quite sick of masquerading < en postillion.* " 

^ Not so fast, my firiend," said the suspicious old follower of 
Fouch^ — ^notsofast; it is but right the maire isfaould see you in 
the disguise you attempted your escape in. It must be especially 
mentioned in the joroe^ t;erda/." 

<^ WeU, this is becoming too ludicrous," said I. ^^ It need not 



m m^daif yon trhjr, 1k»w, andT wtiere^ I poC ml 

iMir ecMfoBBditd ngt '^ 

« Tb^ toil it k^ Ifa0 mtttre, at t)ie Baieao.^^ 

^ But f«r that purpose it is not necessary Ishould be conducted 
tbroQ^ tha stiests ia bvaad day, to be laughed at No, poeitiv^, 
1^ not go* fai my own dress, VH acconpany yov wKh pleasure/' 
4 ^Victory Heori^ OuiDaMiie/' said the gen-d'arme, addressing Ms 
^MBpaniom,. who immediately closed round mev ^ You see," added 
Imv ^ there is iia use ifi resisting/' 

Need I seco«mt my own shame and ineffable disgrace ? Alas! it 
im too, too tmeu Harry Lorzequer — ^wfaom SCnltze entreated to 
mear hia coalar, the ornament of Hydto Park, the last appeal ia 
(iaegg^ fashJooy and eqnipage — was obliged to parade throngfa Ae 
MeAr of a markeMown in France, with foar gens-d'armes for his 
. eompanian% and he himself habited in a mongrel character — half 
postillion, half Delaware Indian* The incessant yelh of laughter 
—the screams of the cluldren, and the outpouring of every species 
of aareasmand lidicsQlis, at my expense, were not all-^for^as 1 
emerged from the porte-cochere, I saw Isabella in tiie window : b«r 
4qpoa were ssd with weeping ; bat no sooner bad she beheld me, 
than she broke out int0 a&ci laughter, tfiat was aodible even in 

Rage had new taloy suob a hold upoB me, that I forgot my 
ridiowfoiiaaiKieaaaBae in my thivst for vengeance. I marched on 
'ttrongb the grinning ciowdy with the step of a martyr. I suppooe 
sqr heroie faaaiing aod w«rli]i» depo^ have heightened 

An diioUery of the aeene : fox the devils only laughed the mam. 
Tbo bnroan of ^ maite could not contain ane-tenth of the anxious 
and (tfiriottftiodividnalB who thronged the entrance, and for about 
twenty minutes tho whole efforts of the gens-d'annes were Mttle 
«e»(CHig^ to keep order and maintain alienee. At length ^ne mahe 
made hi9 appeamnee, and aocnstomed as he had been for a long 
Wh tot ssenea ^ aaabsord and extraordinary nature, yet the ridicule 
ofttiy look and eostume was too much, and -he laughed outright 
Thiftwasof comsethe signal /or renewed mirth for the crowd, 
wtftlothoeB without doors, infected by the example, took up the 
. jasty and I bad the pleasmre of ^ short calculation, a ia Babiage^ 
«f bow many sMxiUary jaws wese at that same moment wagging 
atmy expense. 

However, the examination commeneed ; and I at length obtained 
aa< opportunity o^expkuning under what circumstances I had left 
my room, and how and why I had been indaeed to don this con- 
ftnaded cause of all my misery. 

^^ This may be very true,"^8aid the mayor, ^ as it is very plaud- 
Ue.; if you have evidence to prove what you have stated ^" 

^ If it's evidence only is wanfing, Mr. Maire, I'll confirm one 
part of the story,'' said a voice in the crowd, in an aocent and time 
that assured me the speaker was the ii4i]»d proprietoe of the 



! bkakete. Itaxted vouod faajrfily H hNHc« pf 
what was my surprise to recognise a mjol^^ S^hKai 
Mr. F^somurite O'ljearjr. 

<^ Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer/' and In ; *^ tills ts oiightf VSm 
our ould practices in College-green ; but upon tny conscience, th6 
maire has the advantage of Gabbet. It's lucky fi>r you I know his 
worship, as we'd call him at home, or this might be a serious busi- 
ness. Nothing would persuade Ibem th$Lt you were not Luciea 
Buonaparte, or the iron mask, or something of that sort, if they 
took it into their heads/' 

Mr. O'Leary was as good as his word. In a species of French, 
thttl I'd TBfilure to say woidd be peifecliy iiUcMigiMe tti MijiHiigtir, 
hi oontrived to explain to the. zoaire that I wis imtiher a.iwiMVii'F 
xm B. swindler, but a very old friend of his, aod oeteei|a^% mm 
pqirocke. The official was now us profiiae <d his civilitiM m iio 
had before been of his m^ieioos, aiid. iiooat hospilably ipressed iw. 
tn slay for breakfinst. This, £or many reasons, I was obliged to 
daditie-^not the least of which waa, my impatknce to get out ^ 
ay pnesent costume. We accoafdin^ -promrei a carriage, a«Mi C 
mtomod to the hotel, acceened &i>m,die|[aa»,bttt still aoooiMipaaM 
by the shouts of the mob, who evideoliy took a most lively intoffit 
itt ihe entire proceeding. 

I loBt BO time in ehangii^ my oostuiae, aod was about to de« 
asead to the sadoon, when the master of the liouse imM lo ioS»m 
OB that Mrs. Bingham's cornier bad arrtved with the canji^^und 
that ahe expected us at Amiens as soon as possiUe. 

<< That is all right. Now, Mr. O'Leaiy^I mast pray y^u to ftiw 
gire aU Ae liberty I have talcea with yo.u^ aod also pesmit me l» 
defer the explanation of maay circumstaiioes which Beem at yue* 
sent strange, till '^ 

<< Till sine dke, if the story be, a long one^^agr dear aijr^-rth^mte 
Mthing I hate so much^ except cold panelik" 

^ You a,^e goii% to Faris/f aoid I ; << is it not so ?'' 

^ Yes, I'm thiciking of it.- I was up at TfioIhattejDi im NorwAf^ 
three weeks ago, and I was obl^ied to imve it hastiif ^ IVe ^m 
aippoindiieiit with a friend in Geneva,'' 

^ Then how ^ you travel ?" 

<< On foot, just as you see, except that I've a tobaeoo tef nfi 
starirs, and an umbrella." 

<< Light equipment, certainly ; but you nrast allow me to givafwa 
aset down as &r aa Anuens, anl also to present you lo -my &ieiid8 
ttowe." 

To this Mr. O'Leary made no objectitm ; and as Mies BiiighaHi 
oouid not bear any delay, in her anxieiy to join her mothec, ws 
set out at OBoe**^tbe only thing to mar my fuU enjoyment at the 
iMOVsnt, being ^ sight of the ideatibal vestments I had so late^r 
%mred m, bobhing up and do^m before «i|F efea lor ibe whoils 

20 



990 (^wmmnfmB^ m mjmmr 

flfoiM from my ftiend Mr. O^Learjr, wUeh were fior too 
veiMied by my fair companion. 

At twelve we arrived at Amiens, when I presented my fnsoAp 
Mr. O'Leary, to Mrs. Bingham. 



CHAPTER XXVIL 

ICB. O^LSABT. 



At the conclnsion of my last chapter I was about to introdiice 
to my reader's acquaintance my friend Mr. O'Leary ; and, as he is 
destined to occupy some place in the history of these CoxifessionBy 
I may, perhaps, be pennitted to do so at more length than his m- 
trinsic merit at first sight might appear to warrant 
' Mr. O'Leary was, and I am induced to believe is, a particulariy 
short, fat, greasy-looking gentleman, with a head as free from 
phrenological development as a billiard-blill, and a cpuntonance 
which, in feature and colour, nearly resembled the face of a cherub, 
<brved in oak, as we see them in old pulpits. 

Short as is his stature, his limbs compose the least j^art of it. His 
hands and feet forming some compensation by their ampte propor- 
tions, give to his entire air and appearance soniewhat the look of a 
small fish, with short, thick fins, vulgarly called a cobbler's thumb. 
His voice, varying in cadence from a deep barytone, to a high fid* 
setto, maintains throughout the distinctive characteristic of a Dublin 
accent and pronunciation, and he talks of the << veel of Ovoca^ and 
abeef-f/eeV^ ^i^h some pride of intonation. What part of ^Ae 
island he came originally from, or what may be his age, are quea- 
fions I have the mosArofound ignorance of; I have heard many 
anecdotes which would imply his being what the French call <^ d^un 
age mur'' — ^but his own observations aje generally limited to events 
occurring dnce the peace of ^^ fifteen.'' - To his personal attractions, 
such as they are, he has never been solicitous of contributing by the- 
meretricious aids of dress. His coat, calculating firom its kngth of 
waist, and anmle skirt, would, fit Bumbo Green, while his trowsers, 
being made of sdme cheap and shrinking material, have gradually 
contracted their limits, and look now exactly like knee-breeches, 
without the usual buttons at the bottom. 

^ These, with the addition of a pair of green spectacles, the glass 
of one being absent, and permitting the look-out of a sharp, gray 
eye, twmkling with drollery and good humour, form the most pal^ 
^able of his externals. In point of character they who best knew 
Iiim represented him as the best-tempered> best-hearted fellow 
breathing ; ever ready to assist a friend, and always postponing bim 
6wn plans and his own views, when he had anv, to the w&hea 
and intentions of otii^ns. Aanmg the many odd things about hiaa 



09 SAMIT LC^BSSWSB. . 991 

^«sa ooDslant pfefeiencefor travBUingoQfQot^aiida great pamoiL 
for Imng abroad, both of which tastes he gratified; although h» 
size, might seem to offer obstacles to the one, and his total igno^ 
laiice of every continental language, would appear to preclude 
the other; with a great liking for tobacco, which he smoked a& 
day — a fondness for whist and malt liquors-^is antipathies were 
few ; so that, except when called upon to shaye more than once in 
the week, or wash his hands twice on the same day, it was diffi« 
eolt to disconcert him. His fortune was very ample ; but although 
his mode of living was neither very ostentatious nor <:ostly, he 
ecmtrived always to spend his income. Such was the gentleman 
I' now presented to my friends, who, I must confess, appeared 
strangely puzzled by his manner and appearance. This feeling, 
however, soon wore off; and before he had spent the morning in 
their company, he had made more way in their good graces^ and 
gone fiuther to establish intimacy, than many a more acc(»aiplished 
person, with an unexceptionable coat and accurate whiter, might 
have effected in a fortnight What were his gifts in this way, I 
am, alas, most deplorably ignorant of; it was not, heaven knows, 
that he possessed any conversational talent— of successful flattery 
he knew as much as a negro does of the national debtj^ and. yet 
t|ie << bon-hommie" of his character seemed to tell at once; and I 
never knew him fail in any one instance to establii^ an interest for 
himself before he had completed the ordinary period of a visit. 
- I think it is Washington Irving who has so admirably depicted 
the mortification of a dandy angler, who, with his braver gar** 
nished with brown hackles, his well-poised rod, polishied gaff, and 
handsome landing-net, with every thing befitting, spends 4iis long 
summer day whipping a trout, stream without a rise or even a 
ripple to reward him, while a ragged urdiin, with a willow wand 
and a bent pin, not ten yards distant, is coviering the greensward ^ 
with myriads of speckled and scaly backs, from one pound weight 
to four ; so it is in every thing — '* the rslce is not to the swift;'' the 
elements of success in life, whatever be the object of pursuit, are 
very, very different from what we think of them at first sight, and 
so it was with Mr. O'Leary ; and I have more than once witnessed 
the triumph of his homely manner and blunt humour over the more 
polished and well-bred taste of his competitors for favour ; and what 
m%ht have been the limit to such success, heaven alone can tell, 
if it were not that he laboured. under a counter-balancing mfirmity, 
sufficient to have swamped a line-of-battle ship itself. It wa^i 
siinply d3is=— a most unfortunate propensity to talk of the wrong 
place, person, or time, in any society he found himsdf; and this 
taste for the mal-aprqposi, extended so &T9 that no one ever ven^ 
tured into company with him as his firiend, without trembling for 
the result; but even this, I believe his only fault, resulted fnmi the 
natural goodness of his character and intentions ; for believing, aa 
hed^in his honest simj^idtv, that the azbitrfury distinctions of 
class an^ rank were held as dbeaply by others as by himself, he 



Micvata «orspla aXwcMiitiiig «» m 4^^ 
«iid wMi as Uttltt hesttatioti wovid be, if Mked, Inttra mBUg itui 
« Cniisiroea Lawa/' or the << Jug of Pandi/' after LabbMhe tmi. 
ftnahed the << Al Idea/' from ¥^ro. Memvaise honied he iwl 
ttone ; indeed I am not mir-e that he had aay kind of ehame vrlmi^ 
wmt, ezeept possibly when delected with a coat that Yme itty 
appearaMo of newness, or if owr perenaded to wear glotM^ 
iraich he ever oonndered as a special effemmacy. 

Sooh, in a few words, was die gentleman I now presemed eo 
miy fricMMls, and how ftr he insinnated himself into their go«d 
gmoee, let Ae fact tell, that on my t etnm to die breakfluit^roea^ 
after ftbout an hoards absence, I^ heard htm detaflingHie partieiAait 
of a route they were to take by hts advice, and also learned Am 
he imd been ofihrad and had accepted a seat in iholr eaniagis in 
ftois. 

^Tten PH do myself the pleasnie of jMO^g yoeir party, 
Bbii^am," said he. ^Bingham, I think, m^dam, is your i 

«Y«SiSir." 

^Anytdai^n, may f ask,0f a most dear fkiend of mine, of the 
amne name, from Cnnynaslattery, in theconnty Wexfyrd ?'* 

« I am really not awnre,^' said Mrs. BJngham. ^ My faaAand^ 
ftiraily are, i believie, many of them firom &at county*'' 

*^Ah, what a pleasant Mow was TomF' said Mr. O'Leaty^ 
mui&ngfy) and with diat peculiar tone which made me tumkl^ 
far I knew well diat a remmiscence was coming. ^ A. fkaaant 
Mow, indeed." 

« Is h» alhre, sir, now ?»' 

^I brieve so^ ma'am ; but I hear the climnte doee not o»ao 
widi Um." 

« Ah, dien, he's abroad 1 In Italy, pw*aWy F" 

« No, ma'am, in Botany Bay. His brother, they aay, migit 
have saved him, but he left poor Tom to his &AB ; £» he was just 
dien paying Imi conit to a Miss Grow, I think, with a large abo* 
tone. Oh Lord, what have I said, if s always the tuck of nml^ 
The latter exclamation was the result of a heavy sangh upon *e 
ioM, Mrs. Bingham having fallen m a faiot^Hihe being the iden« 
deal lady aUaded to, and her husband die brodsier of pleasastf Tom 
Bingham. 

To hurl Mr. O'Leary o«it of the room by one hand, aad nog 
the belt wkh the other, was the wotk of a moment; and with pro* 
percare, and in due time, Mrs. Bingham was brought to henisl^ 
wheU) most fortunately, she entirely f(^|Ot the >cau^e of her snddhui 
indisposition ; mnd of course, neither her daughter nor mymlf wl* 
ftred any due to escape us which might lead to its discovery. 

When we were once more upon the road, to effiuse if it mig^ 
bo neoessary any unpleasant reoanenee to tfie fate asene, i peo« 
oeeded to give Mau Bingham an aomum of my adventaro m 
QhaaHitfiMihi whtah. 4tf eomso, I «Qdonvooitd«s mndst mF^ttMl 



O'Ldarjr ^ ^ boQouss 0{ beuf^ laugbod al io pieiitMMV to tajr- 

self, laxing little strese ^poii my sMMt^ueiadii^ m tii9 lade-boota.. 

^* You are q.uUe xigbt/' said Q'Leiurjry J0mii^ ia the bemtf ^nfjm 
against him, ^^ quite right, I was idways a vmy heanry slaspei***- 
ii^eed, if I wasa't, I wouldn't be here n<Hr^ trarv^mg atboat «» 
gargoHf free as air;'' hare he heayed a sigh^ which from its b 
g^uity with Jm jovial look aod h$tppy expression, tfaffaw us all i 
renewed lai^hter* 

^ But why, Mr. O'Leary — ^what «aii your sleopioess have to do 
with such tender recoUeetioiis^ for such, I am suie, that sigh bo^ 
;speaks them ?" 

^^ Ah ! ma'am, it may se^m strange, but it is Beyertbeless tcM^ 
if it were not for that unfortunate tendtney, I should ]K>w be dia 
l^ppy possessor of a most accoaiplished and amiable lady, aod 
eight hundred per annucu three and a half p^ cent stodc." 

-^ You overslept yourself on the weddiag-day, I suppose." 

^<^ You shall hear, ma'am, the story is a viery short one : It is ao^ 
about eight years ago, I was rambling through the south of f^a^ce^ 
and had just reached Lyons, where the confounded pavemeat AnI 
sticks up like spears, with the. point up^ards^ bad compelled m# 
to rest some days and recruit ; for this purpose I installed myself 
in the pension of Madame Gaurgead, Rue de Petits Carmei^ m 
quiet house — where we dined at twelve, ten in nuniber, upon 
about two pounds of stewed beef^ with garlic and carrots«*-a Ugfal 
soup, being the water which accompanied the same to render il 
tender in stewii^ — some preserved cherries, aitd an omeiette, 
with a pint bottle of Beaune, 6me quality, I believe — a species of 
pyroligneous wine made from the vine stalks, but pleasant in siub* 
mer with your salad ; then we played dominos in the evenmg^ af 
whist for sous points, leading altogether a very quiet and virtuous 
existence, or as' Madame herself expressed it, ^une vie:taut*a«&it 
patriarchale ;' of this I cannot myself affirm how far she was lig^ 
in suppos^ig the patriarchs did exactly like us. But to pro6eed«i 
in the same establishment there lived a'widpw whose late huBr* 
band had been a wine merchant at Dijon^ — ^he had also^ I suppose,, 
from residing in that country, been imitating the patriarchs, for b» 
died one day. Well, the lady was delayed at Lyons for some law 
busiiiess, and thus it came about, that her husband's testattieat 
and the sharp paving stones ia the streets, determined we should 
be acquainted. I cannot express to you the delight of my fak 
countrywoman at finding that a person who spoke English bad 
arrived at the ^pension' — a teeling I myself somewhat participated 
in ; for to say truth, I was not at that time a very great prondent 
in French. We soon became intimate, in less time p»>bably thaa 
it would otherwise have happened, for from tb^ ignorance of aU 
the others of one word of English, I was enabled during dinoM 
to say many soft and tender things, whild^ one does not usua&y 
veutCHre on in compahy. 

^1 recounted my travels, and told various adventures of mr 

20* «G 



9S4 coimssiOKs ov habkt lohrsquxr. 

wmderings, till at last, from being merely amused, I found that 
my fair fi^nd began to be interested in my narratives; and fire* 
quently when passing the bouillon to her, I have seen a tear in 
we comer of her ey^ : in a wdrd, ^ she loved me for the dangeis I 
had passed/ as Othello says. Well, laugh away if you like, but 
it's truth Pm telling you/' At this part of Mr. O'Leary's story 
we all found it impossible to withstand the ludicrous mock heroic 
of his fetoe and tone, and laughed loud and long. 'When we at 
length became silent he resumed — ^^^ Before three weeks had 
passed over, I had proposed and was accepted, just your own way, 
Mr. Lorrequer, taking the ball at the hop, the very same way you 
did at Cheltenham, the time the lady jilted you, and ran off wUh 
your firiend Mr. Waller ; I read it all in the news, though I was 
then in Norway fishing." Here there was another interrpption 
by a laugh, not, however, at Mr. O'Leary's expense. I gave him 
a most menacing look, while he continued — ^^^the settlements were 
aoon drawn up, and consisted, like all great diplomatic documents^ 
of a series of 'gains and compensations;' thus, she was not to 
taste any thing stronger than kirsch wasser, or Nantz brandy; and 
I limited myself to a pound of short-cut weekly, and so on : but to 
proceed, the lady being a good Catholic, insisted upon being mar- 
ried by a priest* of her own persuasion, before the performance of 
ihe ceremony at the British embassy in Paris ; to this I could offer 
no dbjection, and we were accordingly united in the holy bonds 
the same morning, after signing the law papers." 

** Then, Mr. O'Leary, you are really a married man." 
^ "That's the very point Pm coming to, ma'am ; for I have con- 
sulted all the jurists upon the subject, and they never can agree. But 
you diall hear. I despatched a polite note to Bishop Luscombe, 
and made every arrangement for the approaching ceremony, took 
a quarter in the Rue Helder, near the Estaminet, and looked for- 
ward with anxiety for the day which was to m^ke me happy; for 
our marriage in Lyons was only a kind of betrothal. Now, my 
£iir firiend had but one difficulty remaining, poor dear soul — I re- 
frain from mentioning her name for delicacy sake ; but poor dear 
Mrs. Ram could not bear the notion of our going up to P^ris in 
the same conveyance, for long as she had lived abroad, sherhad 
avoided every thing French, even the language, so she proposed 
that I should go in the eatly 'Diligence,' which starts at four 
o'clock in the morning, while she took her departure at nine ; thus 
I should be some hours sooner in Paris, and ready to receive her 
on her arriving ; besides sparing her bashfulness all reproach of- 
, our travelling together. It was Ho use my telling her that I always 
travelled on foot, and hated a * Diligence ;' she coolly replied, that 
at our time of life we could not spare the time necessary for a pil- 
grimage to Jerusalem, for so she supposed the journey from Lyons 
to Paris to be ; so fearing lest any doubt might be tlir6wn upon 
the ardour of my attachment, I yielded at once, remembering at the 



I 
covntsibirs 09 hab&t ixMrnsqims; ' 2M 

moment what my poor friend Tom Bing Lord, Pm at it 

agam!" 

" Sir, I did not hear." ^ 

^^ Nothing, ma'am^ I was just goiiig to observe that ladies of a 
certain time of hfe, and widows ^eciaUy, like a lover that seemflr 
a little ardent or so all the better.^ Here Mrs. Bingham bloshed^ 
h^ daughter bridled, and I nearly suffocated with shame and suj^- 
pressed laughter. 

" After a most tender farewell of my bride or wife, I don't know 
which, I retired for the night, with a mind vacillating between my 
hopes of happiness and my fears for t^e result of a journey so^ 
foreign to all my habits of travelling, and in which I could not bul 
tremble at the many casualties my jiabitual laziness and dislike to 
any hours but of my own choosing might involve me in. 

^^ I had scarcely laid down in bed, ere these thoughts took such 
possession of me> that sleep for once in my life was out of the 
question ; and then the misery of getting up at four in the mom^ 
ing-*-putting on your clothes by the flickering Ught of the porter'9 
candle — ^getting your boots on the wrong feet, and all that kind of 
annoyance-rl ani sure I fretted myself into the feeling of a down- 
right martyr before an hour was over. Well, at least, thought If 
one thing is well done — ^I have been quite right in coming to steep 
here at the Massagerie Hotel, where the diligence starts from, or 
tixe chances are ten to one that I ^ould never wake till the time 
was past. Now, however, they are sure to call me; so I may sleep 
tranquil]^ tiU then. Meanwhile I had forgotten to pack my trunk 
— ^my papers, &c., laying all about the room in a state of consider- 
able confusion. I rose at once with all the despatch I could mus-* 
telr ; this took a long time to effect, and it was nearly two o'clock . 
ere I finished, and sat down to smoke a solitary pipe--the last, as> 
I supposed, it might be my lot to enjoy, for heaven knows how 
long, Mrs. R. having expressed, rather late in our intimacy I con* 
fess, strong opinions against tobacco T^thin doors. 

"When I had fini^ed my little sac of the ^weied,' the clock 
struck three, and I started to think how little time I was destii^d 
to have in bed. In bed ! why, said I, there is no use thinking of 
it now, for I shall scarcely have lain down ere I shall be obUged 
to get up again. So thinking, I set about dressing myself for the 
road; and as the season was winter, and the weather dreadfully 
severe, took care to array myself in all the covering I could lay 
hands upon ; and by the time. I had enveloped m3rself in a pair of 
long Hungarian gaiters, and a kurtcha of sheep's wool, with a 
brown bear*skin outside, with a Welsh wig, and a pair of large 
dark glass gobies to defend the eyes from the snow, I was not 
only perfectly impervious to all effects of the weather, but so- 
thoroughly defended from any influence bf sight or sound; that a- 
volcano might be hissing and thundering within ten yards of me^ 
without attracting the sUghtest attention. Now, I thought, instead 
of remaining here^ I'll just step down to the coach, and get snugly 



100 the diligtuca^raiul b»inn|;[ secwred the corner of the oaap^v 
resign myself to sleep with the certainty of not being left behisd^ 
and; probably, too, be some miles on my journey before awakii^. 

*I aocordiagly went dewn stairs, and to my.suipffise ferund, 
eivmn at thait eaarly houry th*i V^ivf of the gar^ciis of the heoe^ 
were stirring antil buelKng ubov^ getting, all the higgage op id tbe^ 
bujpe wooden leviathan t&t was tc convey us en onir reed^ Th^se . 
they stood, like bees around a hive, clustering and buzzing, amA 
all so ei|gag^d that with difficuUy conld I get an aaswer ta my 
q^aestMn ef, Whai diligence it wae? ^La diligence pour Paris, 
MoQsieuc.' 

** ^ Ah, all right then,' said. I ; so, watcbk^ an. opportunity to do) 
am uaabBerved, for I supposed Ithey mjg^ luve lauded at me, I 
stepped quietly into the ooupe-, and amid the cueaking of cavdage,. 
aiui the ttKunping of ieet on the roof, fdl as- sound aeleep as ever 
I did in n^ lifa— libese sounds coming te my muffled eas8,.aoft ae 
tba eehoes on the Rhine. When it was that I awoke I cannot say;, 
bat as I rubbed my eyes aad yawned after a most refreshing sle^ 
I perceived that it was still quite dark all asound, and that the di4- 
geoce was. standing before the door of some ina and not moving 
Miy tbe«^t I, this is the first stage ; bow naturally one alwaysi 
wakes at the change of hoirses-^ kind of instinct implanted b> 
Fsovidence, I suppose, to direct ws to a little refreshment on the 
road. With these pious feelings I let down the glass, and called: 
out to t]:ie garcon for a glass of brandy and a cigar. WhUe ha 
was'bringing them,! had tii^oe toi look about, and peirceived to my 
very great delight, that I had the whole coup6 to myself. < Are 
there any passengers coming in here ?^ said I^ as the wait^ came 
forward with my petit verre. ^ I should think not, sir,'^ said the fel- 
low .with a leer ! ^ Then I shall have the whole coupe to myself?' 
said I. ^ Monsieur need have no foar of being disturbed ; I can 
safoly assure him that he will have no one there for the next 
twenty-four hours.' This was really pleasant intelligence; sa I* 
dbucked him a tea sous piece, and closing up the window aa the 
laorning was cold, once more lay back to sleep with a success that 
has never foiled me. k was to a bright blue cloudless sky,, and. 
the sharp clear air of a fine day in winter, that I at length opened 
my eyes. I pulled out my watch, and discovered it was exactly 
twa o^elock ; I next lowered the glass and looked about me, and 
very mueh to my surprise discovered that the diligence was not 
moyiag, bat standing very peaceably in. a very crowded coagse- 
gation of other suftilar and dissimilar conveyances, aU of which 
seemed,. I thought, to kbeur under some physical ailment, secae 
wanting a box, others a body, &c., &c., and in fact soggesting the 
idea €Kf an infirmary fov old and disabled carriages of either sea, 
mails and othecs. ^ Oh, I have it,' cried I, ^ we are arrived at Mt. 
Oeian, and they are all at dinner, and from my being alone in the 
coufrfy they have forgotten to call me.' I imooediately opened the 
daai aad stepped out into the moryaird, crowded withcoodncstettrs. 



OimFJBMK>li>S or JBAMEGr ItORBfiQDBlL 



^moftiis atKl osdiM ; iv^hp, I thtragfat^iortnd tMher awprimtiat im* 
wg me 'ememe firom the diligance. 

^ < Ycm >dia not know f iras tfaere,^ said I^ with a kaawimgvmig^ 
«rt^ne m>( tbeni as I passed. 

^ < Asswsment non/ said the iielhi^ with a laugh, that vmB Iha 
signal for all the others to join in it ^ Is the table ^d'faote omr?* 
said I, regardless of the mirth avoand «ie. ^Monsieur is just in 
tiihe,' aaid the ^waitor, who happened to pass with a soup^nreen 
in his hand. < Have the goodness to step this way.' I bad baae^ 
tkmeto remark the olose vesemblanoe c^ Urn waiter to the feHow 
^who prosented me with iay brandy and jeigar in the aaomiog, 
wheto he ushered me into a large room wilii aiMHit forty peraoBB 
sitting at a long table, evidently waitinjg with impatience for «he 
* Pdtage' to begin their dinner. Whether it wias they ^njoyied the 
,}<lke of having neglected to call me, or that they were IraghingaC 
i»y travelling costume, I cannot say, but the moment I came ia,f 
oould perceive a general titter <run throi]^h the assembly. < NotitOD 
lale, after aU,tgentlemen,' said I, marohing grairelyup the table. 

*^ < Monsieiir is in exoellont tiaae,** said the ho«t, making oroom 
for me beside kis chair. Notwithstanding the inmimbf anoe 4yf tof 
weighty habiKments, I pmceeded to tie ample justice to Aeimnds 
before me, apologising laughingly to lihe iiost, tby pleading a ira* 
vrtler's appetite. 

^ ' Then you have perhapAome far this morrfing/said aigwifle-. 
man opposite. 

<^ < ¥bs/ said I, ^I have 'been on the voad smce four o'«cAocir/ 

" ^ And <how are the roads ?' said anoflier. ^ V«ry bad,* iaaid 1, ^ 
^the first few stages from L3^ns, afterwards. mnoh better.' ^Uis 
was said at a v«ntm!«, as I began to ^e ashamed o( being always 
aileep before my fellow-^tmveDers. They did mit 'seem, 4iowevttr^. 
to nndefstatid me perfectly; and one old fellow ^utlingdiami^faSs 
tspectades ffom his foreftiead, leaned over and «aid, * Jkad wbese, 
may I ask. has Monsieur oome from tfais*momhig ^ 

" *From Lyons/ said I, with the proud air of a man who has, 
done a stout feat, and is not ashamed of the exploit. 

" 'From Lyons!' saidone. ^From Lyoiwri' cried another. 'From 
Lyons !' repeated a third. 

" ' Yes,^ said I ; * what the devil is so strange in it ; travelling is 
so quick now-a-days, one thinks^notbing of twenty leagues before 
dinner. 

<< The infernal shout of laughing that followed my explanation 
is still in my ears ; from one end of the table to the other there was . 
ieoe eontinned ha, ha, ha— €rom the greasy host 'to the littte-tnuich- 
backed waiter, they were all grinning away. 

*^ < Andliow did Monsieur travel?' said the ddigeofleman^^driio 
tseemed to carry 9n the prosecution against tne. 

*" By the diligence, the « Aigle tioir,*' ' said I, givnmg »flie'«ime 
with some pride, that I was not altogether igiioittnt of the ccHnne^* 



888 ooirvB8sioK8 or harbt lokhsqubb. i 

<< Allien you should ccfrtainly not conlplain of the roads/ 1 
the host chuckling; <for the only journey that diligence has made, 
iUb day has been from the street<door to the inn-yard ; for as they 
found when the luggage was nearly packed thieit the axle was 
almost broken through, they wiieeled it round to the eoUr, and pre-, 
pared another for the travellers/ 

« * And where am I now/ said I. 
: << Mn Lyons/ said twenty voices, half choked with laughter- at 
my question. 

^I was thunderstrack at the news at first; but as I proceeded 
with my dinner, I joined in the mirth of the party, which certainly 
was not diminished on my telling them the object of my intended 
journey. 

<< < I think, young man,' said the old fellow with the spectlsLcles, 
^ that you should take the occurrence as a warning of Providence 
that marriage will not suit you.' I began to be of the same 
opinion ; — ^but^hen there was the jointure. To be sure, I was to 
give up tobacco ; /ind perhaps I should not be as free to ramble 
about as when en gar f on. So taking all things into consideration, 
I ordered in another bottle of Burgundy, to drink Mrs. Ram's 
health-^-got'my passport vis6d for Barege — and set out for the 
Pyrenees the same evening." 

<< And have you never heard any thing more of the lady?" said 
Mrs. Bingham. 

*< Oh, yes. She was faithful to the last ; for I found out when at 
Rome last winter that she had offered a reward for mo in' the 
. newspapers, and indeed had commenced a regular pursuit of me 
through the whole continent And to tell the real fact, I should 
Bot now fancy turning my steps towards Paris, if I had not very 
tolerable information that she is in full cry afier me through the 
Wengen Alps, I having contrived a paragraph in Galignani, to 
seduce her thither, and where, with the blessing of Providence, if 
the snow set in early, she must pass the winter." 



CHAPTER XXVIII. 

PARIS. 



Nothing more worthy of recording occurred before our arrival 
at Meurice on the third day of our journey. My friend O'Leary 
kad, with his usual good fortune, become indispensable to his new 
acquaintance, and it was not altogether without some little lurking 
discontent that I perceived how much less often ray services were 
called in request since his having joined our party; his information, 
notwithstanding its very scanty extent, was continually relied upon^ 



COITFXSSIOKS or SARR7 XiOSKKWaB. 2$9' 

and Iu8 very imperfect French everlastidgly called into requju^ti0ii 
to interpret a question for the ladies. Yes, thought I, ^^ Othello's 

, occupation's gone;" one of two things has certainly happened; 
eidier Mrs. Bingham and her daughter have noticed my continued 
alKstractioa of mind, and have attributed it to the real cause, the 
pre-occupation of my affections ; or thinkings on the other hand, 
that I am desperately in love with one or the other of them, have 
thought that a little show of preference to Mr. O'Leary may stimu- 
late me to a proposal at once. In either case I resolved to lode no 
time in taking my leave, which there could be no difficulty in doing 
now, as the ladies had reached their intended destination, and. had 
numerous friends in Paris to advise and assist them; besides that, I 
had too long neglected the real object of my trip, and should*lose no 
time in finding out the Callonbys, and at onceJearn what prospect 
of success awaited me in that quarter. Leaving my fair friends 
then to refresh themselves after the journey, and consigning Mr. 
O'Lesury to the enjoyment of his meershaum, through the aid of 
which he had rendered his apartment like a Dutch swamp in 
autumn, the only portion of his own figmre visible through the mist 
being his short legs and heavy shoes. 

On reaching the house in the Rue de la Paix, where the Gal- 
lonbys had resided, I learned that they were still at Baden, and 
were not expected in Paris for some weeks ; that Lord Kilkee had 
arrived that morning, and was then dining at the Embassy, having 
left an invitation for me to dine with him on the following day, if 
I happened to call. As I turned from the door, uncertain whither 
to turn, my steps, I walked on unconsciously towards the Boule- 
vard, and occupied as I was, thinking over all the chances before 
me, did not perceive where I stood till the bright glare of a large 
gas lamp over my head apprised me that I was at the door of the 
well known Salon des Etrangers, at the corner of the Rue Richer ' 
Ueu; carriages, citadinesi and vigilantes, were crowdj^g, crastung, 
and clattering on all sides, as the host of fashion and the gaming- 
table were hastening to their champ de battaille. Not being a 
member of the Salon, and having little disposition to enter, if!^I 
had been, I stood for some minutes locking at the crow4 as it con- 
tinued to. press on towards the splendid and brilliantly lighted 
stairs, which leads from the very street, to the rooms of this palace^ 
for such, in the magnificence and luxury of its decorations, it really 
is. As I was on the very eve of turning away, a large and yerr 
handsome cab-horse turned the corner from die balustrade, with 
the most perfect appointment of harness and carriage I had seen 
for a long time. 

While I continued to adndire the taste and propriety of the 
equipage, a young maii in deep mourning sprung from the inside, 
and stood upon the pavement before me. <^A deux heures, 

, Charles," said he to his servant, as the cab turned slowly round. 
The voice struck me as well knpwn. I waited till he approached 
the lamp, to catch a glimpse of the foce ; and what was my sur* 



MO eosTMssnyNS or bahut iob&eiiusii. 

Mte to teco^tse my eduetn. Gay Lomequer of the 10th, tvltom I 
nd not inet with for six y^rs before. My first impulse W9m tmt 
to make myself known to him. Our mutual position with regtttd 
■ to Lady Jane was so much a myrtery, as regarded mysejf, that I 
* lifted the resuh of any meethig, until I was sufficiendy aware bf 
how matters stood, and whether we were to meet as frieiids and 
trtations, or rivals, and consequently enemies. 

Before I had time to take my resolution, Gtiy had recogtnsed 
me, and seizing me by the hand with both his, trailed, " Harry, my 
did friend, how are you ? how long hare you been here, and never 
to call on mjB ? Why, man, what is the meaning of this ?'* Before 
I had time to say that I was only a few hours in Paris, he again 
ibterrupted me bysayihg: "And how comes it that you are not 
to mourning ? You must surely h%ve heard it.'* " Heard what ?'* 
I cried, nearly 'hoarse from agitation. "Our poor old . friend, Sir 
^y, didn't you know, is dead." Only those who have felt how 
lltlong the ties of kindred are, as they decrease in number, can tell 
liow this news fell upon my heart. All my poor uncle's kind- 
tiesses came one by one full upon my memory ; his affectionate 
letters of advice ; his well-meant chidings, too, even dearer to me 
tfian his praise and approval, completely unmanned me; and I 
itood speechless and powerless before my cousin as he continued 
to 'detail to me the ra^nd progress of Sir Guy's malady, ati attack 
'rf gout in the head, which cairied him off iti thrfee days. Letters 
tiad been sent to me in different places, but none reached ; and at 
iiie very moment the clerk of my unde's lawyer was in pursuit of 
me through the highlands, where some mistaken information had 
Induced him to follow me. 

** You are, therefore," continued Guy, " unaware that our undo 
lias dealt so fairly by you, and indeed by both of us ; I have got 
tte Somersetshire estates, which go with the baronetcy ; but the 
Cttmberland property is all yours; and I heartily wia*i you joy of 
ftft^Hng neariy eight thousand per annum, and one of the sweetest 
vBlas that ever man fancied on Derwentwater. But come along ' 
tore," <iontinlied he ; and he led me through the crowded corridor and 
«p the wide*tair ; " I have ftuch to tell you, and we catf be perfec^^Iy 
'ftKAie here ; no one will trouble themselves with us.*' Unconscious 
Hjf all arou&d me, I followed Guy along the gilded and glittering 
MsFby whieh led t6 the Salon, and it was only as the servant in 
ftch livery came forward to take my hat and cane that I remem- 
iWed where I was. Then ifhe full sense of all I had been Kstening 
i» rushed upon mfe, and the unfitness, and indeed the indecency of 
tbej}Iace for such communications s^s we were engaged in, tame 
Wosk forcibly before me. Sir Guy, it is true, always preferred my 
-tMi^in to me ; he it was, who was always tiestined to succeed l)Ofh 
•to his title and his estates, and his wildness and extravagance had 
ktft^r met with a milder r^uke and weaker chastisement than voy 
IblKes and my misibrtunes. Yet still he was my last remaining 
iMaYIre; the only tme I possessed in aii tfat world to whom in tmy 



4ifflfti:it)r or XtM I had to liook up ; &nd T felt, in the rery nuAst 'of 
my newly acqiik«d w^ahh «nA ridies, poorer and morb ahme thftn 
w«r I kad diMK in my lifetiine. I followed Guy to a smaSL and 
idindy lighted <sabitiet olST th^ great nalon, where, havitig sealed 
mirMl9«es, he prooeeded to detail to me the variouB events winch a 
itm ^tnt weeks had aocomplished. Of hWself he spoke but HtAe, 
and nervenr once alktded to the (Mtoibys at all ; indeed all i could 
1mm was 4hat he had left fiie army, and purposed remaining fti 
Ike winier at iParis, Where he appeared to have entered into tol its 
gaitfty and dissipation at once. 

**0f oourse/'^^aid te,*«yb« will give up * sodgering' now* at Ae 
bCtt It is but poor sjport after ^ve-and-twenty ^ and is perfectly uii' 
cMKkirable when a man has the means of pushing himself in the 
. f^Y "W>rid 5 and «ow, Harry, let us mix a Httle among the mbb 
kere^ for Messieiiirs les Banqniers dcHtit hold people in estinra^tScoi 
who come here only for the 'chapons an tie,' and the champagne 
>ghLc6e, as we sAiould ^eem to do were we to stay here muxSi 
longer." 

Such was the whirl of my thoughts, and so great the confusion 
m «iy id^sfirom all I had just heard, that I fek «^^f implicifly 
following every direction ^f my cousin with a chBd-feke t)bediencB, 
of the itell extent of which I became eiAy conscious when I found 
m^if seated at llhe table of ^le Salon, between my cousin Qxtf 
and an irid, hsrd-visaged, pate-eountenanced man, who he toMme 
i«i a whisper was Vilelle the Minis^r. 

What a sttffty for the man who woidd watdi the passions ^md 
emDtlons of his fellow-men, would the table of a r&uge tf m^ 
fambiittg-hause present — <he skill and dexterity which games iflf 
other Mnds inquire, being here wanting, leave the player ireete 
iChe fiifH abandonment «if the passiem. '*nie inftevest is not u ^adn- 
ally increasing ofr vacUkting one, as fo^une and Icnowledge of the 
igsnfe fafvotnr ; the result is uninfttsenced by any thing of his doing ; 
with the last turned card of the croupier is he rich or ruined ; «nd 
dHEs in the Very abstraction of the anxiety is this Ifhe most panffiil^ 
'eKciting of all :gafiabling whaiN^«r ; the very "rattle of the 6ice4)o9c 
to the hazaid player is a f elief ; and tlie thought that he is in 'sooebo 
«BDcay instrumental iii his good or bsA fortune gives a turn to Uria 
thoughts. There is something m Hke the ine^tiftle character df 
fate asBooiacted with the iiesult of a diance, which yon can in «> 
way affect or avert, that I have, notwithstanding a strong liias 'fiat 
l^kiy, ever dreaded and avoided the rottge ei ttc^trtable:: hitherto 
prudential motives had their ^ar^ in the tesolim; a small lossrit 
play becomes a matter of importanoe to a sub in a marching tegt- 
iifeent *; and, therefore, I was firm in my determtnaftion to avoid the 
.gamJUmg-tabte. N&w my fortunes were altered ; and as I looked 
Qtt the heap of shining louis-^orj whioh Guy pushed before tne*in 
«xdiange for a btUdt de banque of lai^ amouiift, I felt the fdU 
importaiice of my altered position, mingKng with the old and ^oxtg 
:iiBaGtised prejodioes wfaJch yeavs had been accmmilating to lht» 
%\ 2H 



lliere is besides some wonderful fascination to mo9t nien in the 
very aspect of high play : to pit your fortune against that of an- 
other — ^to see whether or not your luck shall not exceed some others 
— are feelings that have a place in most bosoms, and are certainly, 
if not naturally existing, most easily generated in the bustle and 
excitement of the gambling-hou^e. The splendour of the decora- 
tions; the rich profusion of gilded ornaments; the large and gor- 
geously framed mirrors ; the sparkling lustres ; mingling their effect 
with the perfumed air of the apartment, filled with orange trees 
and other aromatic shrubs ; the dress of the company, among whom 
were many ladies in costumes not inferior to those of a court ; the 
glitter of diamonds; the sparkle of stars and decorations, rendered 
more magical by knowiqg that the wearers were names in history. 
There, with his round but ample shoulder, and large massive head, 
covered with long snow-white hair, stands Talleyrand, the maker 
and unmaker of kings, watching with a look of ill-concealed anxiety 
the progress of his game. Here is Soult, with his dogged look and 
beetled brow ; there stands Balzac the author, his gains here are 
less derived from the betting than the bettors; he is evidently 
making his own of some of them, while, in the seeming bon Aom- 
mie of his careless manner and easy abandon, they scruple not to 
trust him with anecdotes and traits, that from the crucible of his 
fiery imagination come forth, like the purified gold from the fur- 
nace. And there, look at that old and weather-beaten man, with 
gray eye-brows, and moustaches, who throws from the breast- 
pocket of his frock, ever and anon, a handful of gold pieces upon 
the table ; he evidently neither knows nor cares for the amount, for 
the banker himself is obliged to count over the stake for him — ^that 
is Blucher, the never-wanting attendant at the S^lon ; he has been 
an immense loser, but plays on with the same stern perseverance 
w:ith which he would pour his bold cavdlry through a ravine torn 
by artillery ; he stands by the still waning chance with a courage 
that never falters. 

One strong feature of the levelling character of a taste for play 
has never ceased to impress me most forcibly — ^not only do th^ 
individual peculiarities of the man give way before the all-absorb- 
ing passion — ^but stranger still, the very boldest traits of nationality 
even fade and disappear before it ; and man seems, under the high- 
pressure power of this greatest of all stimulants, resolved into a 
most abstract state. 

Among all the traits which distinguish Frenchman from natives 
of every country, hone is more prominent than a kind of never- 
failing elasticity of temperament, which ^en^ almost to defy all 
the power of misfortune to depress. Let what will happen, the 
Frenchman seems to possess some strong resource within himself, 
in his ardent temperament, upon which he can draw at will ; and 
whether on the day after a defeat, the moment of being deceived 
m his strongest hopes of returned affection-^he overthrow of some 
long-cherished wish— it matters not~he never gives way entirely: 



OOKVXSSIONS 07^ HARRT 'LORBB^UBB. d43 

' • » 

but see him at the gaming-table — watch the intense, the aching 
anxiety with which his eye follows every card as it falls from rtie 
hand of the croupier — ^behold the look of cold despair that tracks 
his stake as the banker rakes it in among his gains — and you will 
I at once perceive that here, at least, his wonted powers fail him. . 
No jest escapes the lips of one, that would badintt upon the steps 
' of the guillotine. The mocker who would jeer at the torments of 
revolution, stands like a coward quailing before the, impassive eye 
' and pale cheek of a croupier. While I continued to occupy my- 
self by, observing the different groups about me, I had been almost 
mechanically following the game, placing sU each deal some gold 
upon the table ; the result however had interested me so slightly, 
that it was only by remarking the attention my game had excited 
in others, that my own was draVn towards it. I then perceived 
that I had permitted my winnings to accumulate upon the board, 
and that in the very deal then commending, I had a stake of nearly 
five hundred pounds upon the deal. 

"Faites votre jeu, le jeu est fait,'* said the croupier, "trente 
deux.'' 

" You have lost,' by Jove," said Guy, in a low whisper,,in Vhidh 
I could detect some trait of agitation. 

" Trente et une," said the croupier. " Rouge perd, et couleur.'' 

There was a regular buz of wonder through thp room at my 
. extraordinary luck, for thus, with every chance against me, I had 
won again. 

As the croupier placed the billets de banque upon the table, I 
overheard' the muttered commendations of an old veteran behind 
me, upon the coolness and judgment of my play ; so much for for- 
tune,^hought I, my judgment consists in a perfect ignorance of the 
chances, and my coolness is merely a thorough indifference to suc- 
cess. Whether it was now that the flattery had its eflEect upon me, 
or that passion for play, so long dormant, had suddenly seized 
hold upon me, I know not, but my attention became from that 
moment riveted upon the game, and I plaj'^ed Avery deal. Guy, 
who had been from the first betting with the indifferent success 
which I have so often observed to attend upon the calculations of 
old and experienced gsgnblets, now gave up, and employed him- 
self merely in watching my game. 

^^ Harry," said he at last, ^< I am completely puzzled as to whe- 
ther you are merely throwing down your louis at hazard, or are 
not the deepest player I have ever met with." 

" You shall see," said I, as I stooped over towards the banker, 
and whispered, " how far is the betting pennitted ?" 

" Fifteen thousand francs," said the croupier, with a look of sur- 
prise. 

"Then.be it," said I; "quinze mille francs, rouge." 

In a moment the rouge won, and the second deal I repeated the 
betj and so continuing on with the like sijccess ; when I was pre- 
. aring my rouleau for the fifth, the banquier ros^, and saying— 



M4 COVFXSSSONS OF HA1KR7 LORSX^ITSS. 

^ Menieorfi, la banqne est fesmfe poor ce soir/' procMded 4o 
feok Mb •casBette, and closed the table. 

^^ Von aie satisfied, now/' said Otiy, rising; '^yen see 3rou hajre 
. bvoke ih€ bank, and a very pretty incident to oominenee with yonr 
:§0t iiitrod«otMm to a campaign in Paris.'' ^ 

Having changed my gold for noles, I staffed them, with an air 
i>f weUrfl^eoted carelessness, into my pocket, and stroikd through*' 
Ae Salon, where I had now become an object of otmsidarably more 

• tmerest than all the marshals and miniflters about me. 

^ Now, Hal," said Guy, ^ I'll just order our sopper in the cabi- 
i|i0t,aiDd join you in a mcmient." 

As i remained for some minutes awaiting Guy's return, my 
lattention was drawn towards a crowd, in a smaller saloon, arni^ng 

• whom the usnal^silent deeorum of the play-'table seemed held in 
bat small respeot, for every instant some burst of hearty laughter 
i^aome open expression of joy or aiiger burst forth, by which I im- 
mediately perceived that they were the votaries of the rouletle table, 
a (game at which the strict propriety and etiquette ever mainftained 
at rouge et noir^ are never exacted. As I pressed near, to discover 
tiie cause of the mirth, whksh «very moment' seemed 4o augment, 
guess my surprise to perceive among the fovemo^ rank of the 
piayors, my acquaintatice, Mr. O'lieary, whom I «t that moment 
^lieved to be solaciBg hims^ with his meershaum at Meurice ! 
My astonishment at how he obtained admission 4o the Salon was 
even less than my fear of his recognising me. At no time lisit 
i\greeable to find that the man who is regarijied as tiie buffo of a 
fai!ty turns out to be yoizr friend, but still less is this so, nvhen The 
individual dakning acgoaintanoe with you presents any striking 
«ibsttrdity in his dress or manner, strongly at contrast with the 
IMraons and things about him 3 and dims it <now happened-^^JICr. 
O'Leary's external man, as we met him on the Calais read, with 
te various ax^mpaniments of blouse-<:ap, spectacles, and tobaceo- 

56, were nolhuig very imtri oar remarkable, bat wihen the asroe 
ire presents itself among the elegasis of the Parisian wmdd, 
xedsAent of eau de Portugal, and superb' in the glories ai brocade 
waistcoats and velvet coats, the thing was too absurd, and I longed 
to steal away before any chance shohld present itself of a;recogni- 
tion. This, h6wever, was impossible, as the croiwd from the odier 
tokie were all gathered round us, and I was obliged to stand -fast, 
and trust diat the excitement of the game, in which he appeated 
to be thoroughly occupied, might keep his eye .fixed on toiother 
garter.' I now observed that the same scene in which I had so 
lately been occupied at the i^uge et noir table, was enacting faeve, 
4mder rather different circumstances. Mr. O'Leary ims the only 
player, as I had just been — ^not, however, because his success ab- 
sorbed all the interest of the bystanders, but that, unfortunately, 
Ms constant want of it elicited some strong expression of discon 
vsaA and mistrust firom him, which excited the loud laughter of the 




'%^^:%^^^ 



^^&Jea4y. c^eaA^n^ a- coy/muit^o/za^^f Ja^/ij/Ai &il^M^/iac'ul. 



C0iai9SBieva oar babst JbOBBSOTSs* Md^ 



othem; bixt, of wbidk, firaia his garcAt anjtiefey fai faia gaofie, hm 
aeeaoieA totally unccaseioufiL 

^ Fates voCre JBUj Messieurs/^ sai<t thi» croupiei. 

^' Wait a bit liU r ehaiige ttiii^'' said Mr. (yiMJOf, produciog an 
Bngiish soveresgn ;. file action interpreCftd his wishsa^ and tfas! mch* 
ne; was wsarertBd inoo cauponMejitUk 

I now diseotvred cue great eauae o£ the nsirth of tbe byBlaQden^ 
ai^ least Ae. Elfish pottion o£ them. Mr. (VLeasy^ ^when plaeingt 
Ym money upon t^ table, ebseared the siogii^r ptaetios <^ ai^ 
nouneing' abad the amount of his ^^ which, for his owi» infonoftH 
ttsiiy he not only redaeedt to English, but also Ijsiah cmmeiioy ; fhoa 
the stillness of the room \raa every instamft broksn by a strxH^ 
Msh accent pronaimcing somethings of this Sdrl^-— ^five fraacs^'* 
'^fbur and a penny'' — ^Mea francs/' ^^^g^t and three ha^pence.'^ 
The amuseianent thus caused was.incseased by the: excitefnent Uft 
losses threw him into.. He now ceased to play for several timsa^ 
when at last he made an oiffieritig of his usuali stake. 

^* Perd>" said the eronpier,, raking in thfe piece with & contempt 
tuouB air at the smalhiess of the bet, and in no way pleased thai 
theintefesC Mr. O'Leary excited shmild pre?eab the (^er playenr 
ftovii betting. 

^^Perd," said O'Leary,.^ again. Divil anodiff song you sing 
than < perd,' and I'm not qiaite clear you're Eot cheatii^ all the 
while — only, God help you if you are!" \ 

As he so said, die head of a huge black-diom stick was half pro^ 
tnided across ti>ie table, causing renewed mirth; fer, among other 
regulations, every cane, however triflmg, is always demanded at 
the door; and thus a new subjeet of astonishment arose as to how 
he had succeeded in carrying it ^th. him into the salon. 

^ Here's at you again," said O'Leary, regardless of the laugb^ 
ter, and covering three or four numbers with his jetons. 

Round went the ball once more, and oskee more he lost 

<^Look now, divil a lie in it, he makes them go wherever hm 
pleases. I'll take a turn now at tli^ tables; fair play's a jewdU* 
and' we'll see how yoa'U get on.^' 

> So saying, he proceeded to insiniiiate himself huto the chair of 
Aie croupier, whom he proposed to supersede by no very geotio 
OMNUis. This was of course resisted, a^ as the loud mirth of die 
bptandi^s grew more and more boisterous^ the edes of <^ a hi 
fimty a. la porte/' imai the friends of the bank, rung through the 
srewd. ' 

**• Ck> it, Pat — ^go it, Pat," said Guy, over my siwulder, who 
seenied to take a prodigious interest in the proceeflhngsi 

At Ibis unexpected recognition of his xmtivity, fin: Mr. O'Leary 
aemsr sospeeced he could be discovered by bis accent; he lo<di:ed 
a«r06B the table, and eanght my eye at onee. 

** Oh, Vm si^ BOW ! stand by me, Mr. Lorre^n^, and we'll 
dne the room." 

So sayings and without further ]ttovoeation, he upset the croa 

81* 



246 covrBsnoHS oy habrt lobrbqubb. 

pier, chair and all, with one midden jerk upan the floor, and giving 
a tremendous kick to the cassette, sent all the five-franc pieces fly*, 
ing over him ; he then jumped upon the table, and brandishing his 
black-thorn through the ormolu lustre, scattered the wax-lights on 
air sides, accompanying ithe exploit by a yell that would have 
called up< all Connemara at midnigHt, if it had^only been beard there;, 
in an instant, the gens^armesj always sufficiently n^r to be called 
in if required, came pouring into the room, and supposing the 
whole affair had been a preconcerted thing to obtain possession of 
the money in the bank, commenced capturing different members 
of the company who appeared, by enjoying the confusion, to be 
fiivouring and assisting it My cousin Guy was one of the first so 
treated — a proceeding to which he responded by an appeal rather 
in favour with most Englishmen, and at once knocked down the 
gen-dP arme; this was the signal for a general engagement, and ac* 
oordingly, before an explanation could possibly be attempted, a 
most terrific combat ensued. The Frenchmen in the room siding 
with the gen-cP armeriej and making common cause against the 
English; who, although greatly inferior in number, possessed con- 
siderable advantage, from long habit in street-rows and boxing en- 
counters. As for myself, I had the good fortune to be pitted, 
against a very pursy and unwieldy IVenchman, who sacre^d to 
admiration, but never put in a single blow at me; while, therefore, 
I amused myself practising what old Cribb called <^ the one, two,'' 
upon his fat carcase, I had abiindant time and opportunity to 
watch all tl^at was doing about me, and truly a more ludicrous 
affair I never beheld. Imagine about fifteen or sixteen ^oung En- 
glishmen, most of them powerful, athletic fellows, driving an indis- 
criminate mob of about five timeS their number before them, who, 
with courage enough to resist, were yet so totally ignorant of the 
boxing art, that they letreated pell-mell, before the battering pha- 
lanx of their sturdy opponents — ^the most ludicrous figure of all 
being Mr. O'Leary himself, who, standing upon the table, laid 
about him with a bsass lustre that he had unstrung, and did con- 
siderable mischief with this novel instrument of warfare, crying 
out the entire time, "murder every mother's son of them," "give 
them anotlier taste of Waterloo." Just as he had uttered the last 
patriotic sentiment, he received a slight admonition firom behind, 
by thC/ point of a gen-d^arme^s sword> which made him leap from 
the table with the alacrity of a harlequin, and come plump down 
among the thickest of the fray. My attention was now directed 
elsewhere, for above all the din and " tapage" of the encounter I 
could plainly hear tfie row-dow-dow of the drums, and the mea-. 
sured tread of troops approaching, and at once guessed that a rein- 
forcement of the gen-d^armerie were coming up. Behind me there 
was a laVge window, with a heavy scarlet curtain before it; my re- 
solution was at once taken, I floored my antagonist, whom I had 
till now treated with the most merciful forbearance, and inune- 
diately spritng behind the curtain. A second's consideration show- 



oosrrossioNs or harrt xoBBBqtrBs. 247 

ed that in the search that must # nsae this would afford no r^fiige, 
so I at once opened the sash, and endeavoured to ascertain at what 
height I was above the ground beneath me; the night was so dark 
that I could see nothing, but judging from the leaves and twigs 
that reached to the window, that it was a garden beneath, and 
auguring from the perfumed smell of the shrubs, that they could 
not be tall trees, I resolved to leap, a resolve I had little time to 
come to, for the step of the soldiers was already heard upon the 
stair. Fixing my hat then down upon my brows, and buttoning 
my coat tightly, I let myself down from the window-stool by my 
hands, and fell upon my legs in the soft earth, of the garden, sai^ 
and unhurt. From the increased clamour and din overhead, I 
could learn the affray was at its height, and had little difficulty in 
detecting the sonorous accent aj!id wild threats of my friend Mr. 
O'Leary high above all the other sounds around him. I did not 
wait long, however^ to ehj6y'them: but at once set about securing 
my escape from my present bondage. In this I had Uttle difficulty, 
for I was directed by a Ught to a small door, which as I approached, 
I found that it led into the den of the Concierge, and also communi- 
cated by another door with the street. I opened it, therefore, at 
once, and was in the act of opening the second, when I felt^ myself 
seized by the coUar by a strong hand: and on turning round saw 
the sturdy figure of the Concierge himself, with a drawn bayonet 
within a few inches of my throat: "Tenez, mon ami,'^ said I, qui- 
etly, and placing.half a dozen louis, some of my recent spoils, in 
his hand, at once satisfied him that, even if I were a robber, I was 
at least one that understood and respected the conveniences of so- 
ciety. He at once relinquished his hold and dropped his weapon, 
and pulling off his cap with one hand, to draw the cord which 
opened the Porte Cochere with the other, bowed me politely to the 
street. I had scarcely had time to insinuate myself into the dense 
mass of people whom the noise and confusion within had assem- 
bled around the house, when the double door of the building open- 
ed, and a file of gens cParmerie came forth, leading between them 
my friend Mr. O'Leary and some others of the rioters — among 
whom I rejoiced to find mji;. cousin did not figure. If I were to 
judge from his disordered habiliments and scarred visage, Mn 
O'Leary's resistance to the constituted authorities must have been 
a vigorous, one ; and the drollery of his appearance was certainly 
not decreased by his having -lost the entire brim of his hat — the 
covering of his head bearing, under these distressing circumstances, 
a strong resemblance to a saucepan. 

As I could not at that moment contribute in any way to his 
rescue, I determined oii the following day to be present at his ex 
amination and render him all the assistance in my power. Mean- 
while, I returned to Meurice, thinking of every adventure of the 
evening much more than of my own changed condition and al 
tered fortunes. 



f4t OQMPattfoiNi or MABwr xomnmoL 

4 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

Tai first Haiag which met my eye, when walking indie msm- 
iBgy a£tor tlaie a&ur at the Sebn,. waia the rouleau of bflle«» de 
brnqpie wbkkl had won at play;, and it took sevezal minutes 
llefrift I eimld persuade myself that the entire recoflsction of the 
#¥eBi»g had any more solad foundation than & heated brain and 
fenr^roi iniaginatioo. Tlie sudden spiing from being a subaltern 

iBi the ^tby with a few hundreds per aimum — ^^^pour tout 

potage,'' to becoming the Teritable .proprietor of sereral thousands, 
with a hattdsome house in Gumbef land, was a ocmsideration^which 
i coi]dd scascely admit into my mind — so Jarful was I, tliat the 
Tory fiist occurrenee of the day should dispel' the illusicH!!) and 
thiow me back into the dull reaUty which I was hoping to escape 

There is no adage more true than due old Latii^ oi^ — ^^ttial 
what we wish, we readily believe ;'' so, I had little difficulty in 
ee&yincing myself that all was as I desired — although, certoiniy, 
my confused memory of the past evening contributed little to .ths^ 
eonviction^ It was, then^ amid a vesy whirl of anticipated plea^ 
auses, and new schema for enjoying life, that I sat down to a 
breakfast, at which, that I might lose no time in commencing my 
saee, I had Ordered the most recherche viands which even Frendi 
cookery can accomplish for the occasion. 

My plans were soon decided upon. I resolved to remain only 
long enough in Paris to provide myself with a comfortably travel 
ling carriage — secure a good courier — and s^rt for Baden ; when 
I trusted tibat my pretensions, whatever, favour they might have 
been^ once received with, would certainly now, at least, be listened 
to with more prospect of being a^ccessful. 

I opened the Galignani's paper of the day, to direct m& in my 
saarch, and had scarcely read a few Unes before a paragmph 
caught my eye^ lii^hich not a little amused me ; it was headed—- 
Saiima riot at the Salon des Eirangmrs, and aitempt i& rob the 
Bank:— 

^ Last evening, among the persons who pseseaied themselves at 
the table of this fashionable resort, were certain individuak^ whov 
by their names and dress bespoke any thing radier than the rank 
aind condition oi those who usually resort thexe^ and whose ad« 
mission is still unexplained, notwithstanding the efforts of die 
jpolice to unravel the mystery. The propnetors ctf the bank did 
net £aul to retteirk these persons.; but senq^ed £rom fear of disturb- 
ing the propriety of the Salon, to take the necessary itepa for tiieir 



«jcchi8i(m-*-re6erviog th«ir att^tioo to the adoption of precautioiif 
•gainst such intrusion in future — ^unfortunately, as it turned out 
erentualiy, for, |owards eleven o'clock^ one of these individually 
having lost a considerable sum at play, proceeded in a very vio^ 
kot and outrageous m^ner to denounce the bank, 2\nd went At 
&x as to accuse the croupier of cheating. This language having 
£uled to excite the disturbance it was evidently intended to pm^ 
mote, was soon followed up by a most dreadful personal attack 
upon, the banquier, in which he was thrown from his seat, and 
the cassette, containing several thousand francs in gold and notes, 
iminadiately laid bold oL The con&aioh now became consid^a- 
ble, aad it was apparent, that the whole had been a pre-<onoert(^ 
fcbeme. Several persons, leaping uppn the table, attempted tf 
•;(tinguiA the great lustre of the salon, in which bold attempl, 
they were most spiritedly resisted by some of the other plsLym 
wd the gens^'arme, who by this time had ar^rived in force. ^[%t 
not was quelled after a prolonged and desperate resistance, aai 
the rioters, with the exception of two, were captured, and W9t 
¥eyed to prison, where they await the result of a judicial investir 
gatioii->-<of which we shall not fail to lay the particulars before our 
leaders. 

<^ Since our goipg to press, we have learned that one of the riog^ 
leaders in this vile scheme is a noted English eacroc — a swindlQi;^ 

who w^s already arrested at C for travelling witha false pasik 

port ; but who contrives, by some collusion u^th another of tbi 
. gang, to evade the local authorities. If this be the case, we trust hi 
will be speedily detected and brought to punishment'' 

Whatever amusement I had found in reading the commencing 
portion of this ridiculous misstatement, the allusion in the latter pajt 
by no means afforded me equal pleasure ; and I saw, in one rapid 
glance, how much annoyance, and how many delays and impedi^ 
ments — a chaise, even of this ridiculous nature, might give rise to 
in my present circumstanoes. My passport, however, wiU setAi 
«U — ^thought I— ias I thrust my hands towards my pocket, in which 
I had placed it.along with some letters. 

Guess my misery, to discover that the whole of the pocket had 
been cut away, probably in the hope of obtaining the billets de 
banque I had won at pky, but which I had changed from^ that 
pocket to a breast one on leaving the table. This at once led mn 
to suspect that there might be some truth in the suspicion of tha 
newspaper writer of a preconcerted scheme, and at once explained 
to me what had much puzzled me before^--the extreme rapidly 
with which the elements of discord were propagated, for the whole 
affair was the work of a few seconds. While I continued to mik 
ditate on these matters, the waiter entered with a small note inajK 
envelope, which a commissionnaire had just left at the hotel for w/^ 
and went away, saying there was no answer. I vOpened it hastily ^ 
and read : — 

'' Dear H.— The confounded affair of last i^ght ha^ induced «# 

21 



S50 covvxssxovs or xabky xobrsqobb. 

to leave ibis for a few days ; besidef that I have obtained a most 
exceUent reason for absenting myself in the presence of a 'black 
eye, which will prevent my appearance in public for a week to 
come. As you are a stranger here, you need not fear being de- 
tected. With all its d6sagr6mens, I canH help laughing at the 
adventure, and I am heartily glad to have had the opportunity of 
displaying old Jackson's science upon those wretched gens-d'arme. 

"Yours, truly, 

« a. w 

This, certainly, thought I, improves my position. Here is my 
cousin Guy — ^the only one to whom,, in any doubt or difficulty 
here, I could refer— here he is — ^flown, without letting me know 
where to address him or find him out. I rung my bell hastily 
and having* written a line on my card, requesting Lord Eilkee to 
come to me as soon as he could, despatched it to the Rue de la 
Paix. The messenger soon returned with an answer, that Lord 
Silkee had been obliged to leave Paris late the evening before, 
having received some important letters from Baden. My anxiety 
now became greater. I did not know but that the moment I ven- 
tured to leave the hotel I should be recognised by some of the 
witnesses of the e^vening's fray ; and all thoughts of succouring poor 
O'Leary were completely forgotten in my fear for the annoyances 
the whole of this, ridiculous affair might involve me in. Without 
any decision as to my future steps, I dressed myself, and proceeded 
to pay my respects to Mrs. Bingham and her daughter, who were 
in the same hotel, and whom I had not seen since our arrival. 

As I entered the drawing-room, I was surprised to find Miss 
Bingham alone. She appeared to have been weeping — at least, 
the efforts she made to appear easy and in good spirits contrasted a 
good deal with the expression of her features as I came in. To my 
inquiries for Mrs. Bingham, I received for answer that the friends 
Mrs. Bingham had expected having left a few days before for 
Baden, she had resolv<^ on following them, and had now merely 
driven out to make a few purchases before her departure, which 
was to take place in the morning. 

There is something so sad in the thought of being deserted and 
left by one's friends under any circumstances, that I cannot express 
how much this intelligence affected me. It seemed, too, like the 
last stroke of bad news filling up the full measure, that I waste be 
suddenly deprived of the society of the very few friends about me, 
jusi as I stood most in need of them. 

Whether or not Miss Bingham noticed my embarrassment, I 
cannot say ; but certainly she seemed not displeased, and there wa9 
in the half-encouraging tone of her manner something which led 
ne to suspect that she was not dissatisfied with the impression her 
news seemed to produce upon me. 

Without at all alluding to my own improved fortune, or to the 
events of the preceding night, I began to talk over the coming 



ooinmmaams ow UAWKT hOM^Miivmm. Ml 

JMmey, and expressed xdj sincere regret that, having lost my pass* 
port tinder circttmstancef which might create some delay in re* 
trieving it, I could not join their party as I should otherwise have 
^ne. 

Miss Bingham heard this speech with rather more emotion than 
so simple a declaration was calculated to produce ; and, while she 
threw down h4r eyes beneath their lonjg, dark lashes, and coloured 
i^htly, asked — 

^ And did you really wish to come with us ?'' 

« Undoubtedly,'* said I. 

^ And is there no other objection than the passport ?" 

<< None whatever,*' said I, warming as I' spoke, for the interest 
die appeared to take in me, ccmipletely upset all my calculations, 
besides that I had never seen her looking so handsome, and thai, 
as the French wisely remark, << vaut toujours quelque chose/' 

^ Oh, then, pray come with us, which you can do, for mamma 
has just got her passport for her nephew along with her own ; and 
as we really don't want him, nor he us, we shall both be better 
ideased to be free of each other, and you can easily afierwards have 
your own forwarded to Baden by post" 

" Ah, but," said I, '^ how shall I be certain, if I take so flattering 
an offer, that you will forgive me for fillings up the place of the 
dear coumn ; for, if I conjecture aright, it is < Le Cher Edouard' 
that purposes to be your companion." 

^^ Yes, you have guessed quite correctly ; but you thust not tax 
me with inconsistency, but really I have grown quite tired of my 
poor cousin,^ since I saw him last night." 

.'< And you used to admire him prodigiously." 

<< Well, well, that is all true ; but I do so no longer.^' . 

** Eh ! perdi6," said I, looking cunningly in her eye. 

<< For reasons that Mr. Lorrequer shall never know, if he has to 
ask them," said the poor girl, covering her eyes with her hands, 
and sobbing bitterly. 

What I thought, said, or did, upon this occasion, with all my most 
sincere desire to* make a ^^clean breast of it in these confessions," I 
know not ; but this I do know, that two hours after, I found myself 
still sitting upon the sofa beside Miss Bingham, whom I had been 
calling Emily all the while, and talking more of personal matters 
and my own circumstances than is ever safe or prudent for ayoung- 
man to do with any lady under the age of his mother. 

All that I can now remember of this interview, is the fact of 
having arranged my departiure in the manner proposed by Mis» 
Bingimm — a proposition to which I acceded with an affectation of 
satisfaction that T fear went very far to deceive my &ir friend. 
Not that the pleasure I felt in the prospect was altogether feigned ; 
but certainly the habit of being led away by the whim and tern* 

Gr of the moment had so much becdme part of my nature, that I 
d long since despaired of ever guarding myself against the pnr 
pensity I had acquired^ of following every lead which any ona 



■i^lfat throir mt for me. And thoj as poor Hanr LinieqiMr iMif 
mwer the fim maa to giet into a fo v at the aoggsstkMi of a friead^ 
ao iie oaly vrailed the least posaibie preawig oa aof oocaaion, to 

involve himself in any scrape or misfortune that presented itself 
piovided there was oaly some one good enough to advke him to 
doso. 

As I entered my own room, to maioa pfepaTatioDS for my do- 
parture, I could not help thinking over all the events thus crowdad 
into the space of a few hours. My sudden possession oivreaiA — 
my prospects at Callonby still undecided — ^my scrape at the Salon 
— my late interview with Miss Bingham, in which I had only 
SIspptjd short of a proposal to marry, were aUaost saffieient to 
sorapy any reasonablemind ; and so I was beginning to suspeol^ 
when the waher in£Mrmed me that the Commiasaire of Police was 
in waiting below, mnd wished to speak to me. Affecting soaiasor*' 
prise at the request, which I at onep perceived the object of, I de- 
swed him to be tntrodoced. I was quite correct in my gaess. The 
information of my being concerned in the affair at the Salon had 
heott oomnauntcated to the authorities, and the dommissaire had 
orders to obtain bail for my appearance at the Tribunal de Justioa, 
on that day wedc, or commit me at once to prison. The Commis- 
ssire politely gave me-till evening to procure the required baiJ, asitis* 
fyhig himself that he could adopt measures to prevent my escapa^ 
and took his leave. He had scarcely gone, when Mr. E2dwaai 
Binghasn w^ announced — the reason for thki visit I coiild not so 
easily divine ; but I had little time allowed for my conjectures, aa 
the same instant a very smart, dapper little gentleman preseatsil 
himself, dressed in all the extravagance of French mode. His hair, 
which was permitted to curl upon his riioulders, was divided along 
the middle of the head ; his moustaches were slightly upturned and 
earefolly wajced, and his small chin-tuft, or Henri-qimtre, most 
gtaciliilly pointed ; he wore three most happily contrasting coloured 
waistcoats, and spurs of glittering brass. His visit was of scarcely 
ftvB minutes' duration; but was evidently the opening of a breach- 
ing battery by tthe Bingham &mily in all form--lheobjeet of whkh 
I ooold at least guess atw 

>' My embarmssments were not destfaied to end here ; for scarcelfr 
had I returned Mr; Bingham's eighth salutation at the head of the 
staircase, when another individual presented himself before ma* 
This figure was in every respect the opposite of my last visiter. 
Aithough framed perfectly upon the late Parisian school of dan- 
dyism, his, however, was tlie ^ecole 'militaire." lie Gaptaina 
Eugene de Joncourt, for so he introduced himself, was a potAf 
penonage, of about five-and-thirty or forty yeaft of age, with that 
mixture, of ban-hamie and ferocity jn his features whidi the 
seidiers of Napoleon's army either affBCted or possessed naturaUy. 
His featoref, which were handsome, and the expression of which 
'Iras pleasing, were, as it seemed, perverted, by the warlike tttra<of 
nmost^nific pair of wluskep smd mnstschfls^ feom chair i 



•» 
4ri)y f9od-^itm<mved bent; and the pxaetised frown wd qmcktan 
of kn dark eye wete eYKlently only the acquired advantages of 
his military career ; a handsome moutb> with singiilaily ^e^ulav 
9iui good teetiii^ ^k much atray from the/aroucAe look o| the 
Wj^er part of his face ; and contributed, with the aid of a! moflt 
yieasiiig voice, to imi^ess you in hU favour ; his dress was a blue 
braided frock^ decorated with the cordon of the legion ; but neither 
tbese^nor the cKn£ of his long cavalry spurs, were necessary to con- 
Tkioe you that the man was a soldier ; besides that, there was that 
mixture of urbanity and aplomb in h^ manner which showed him 
te be perfectly accustomed to the usages of the best society. 

^ May I beg to know/' said be^as he seated himself slowly, <<if 
this card contains your name and address?" handing me at the 
same moment one of my visiting cards^ I immediately replied in 
tte affirmative. ^ 

^ You are tiien in the English serviee ?" 

"Yes." 

"Thao,niiiy I entreat your pardon for the trouble of these quee^ 
tions, and explain the reason of my visit. I am the friend ^ Le 
Baron I]f Hauipenne, with wboip you had the altercanon last night 
itt'the Salon^ and In whose name I have come to request the ad- 
iten of a friend on your part." 

Ho, ho, thought^I, the Baron is then thd stout gestleroan that I 
* yammelled so uamercifuliy near the window ; but ^ow came he 
by my card? and besides in ^ row of that kind, I ^m not awaxf 
kow &r the matter ean be conceived to go farther, than what hap- 
pens at the moment These were the thoughts of a second of tis^ 
and before I eocdd reply any thing, the captain resumed. 

"You seem to have forgotten the circumstance, and so indeeil 
flhouid I like to do; but unfortunately D'Haulpenne says that you 
anmck him with your walking^ane.; so you know, under embt^ 
state of things, there k bat one course." 

, "But gently," added I, "I had no cane whatever the last 
evening." 

"Oh! I beg pardon," interrupted he ; "but my friend is most 
positive in his account, and describes the altercation as bavin? 
continued from the Salon to the street, when you struck him, and 
at the same time threw him your card. Two of our officers were 
also present ; and although, as it appears from your present for- 
getfulness, that the thing took place ih the heat and excitement of 
the moment, stfll*— " 

"But still," said I,catchii1g up his last words, "I never did strike 
the gentleman as you 'describe^^-never had any altercation in the 
street — and ^^ 

" Is that your address ?" saM the Frenchman, with a dight bow. 
' " Yes, certainly it is." 

" WHy then," said he, with a sKght curl of his upper lip — ^haif 
smile, half, derision 

" Oh ! make yourself perfectly easy," I replied. ^ If any oim 
22 



^M4 covysBstom ov har&t i^b&Aqves. 

has by an accident made use of my name, it shall not sofbr br 
, such a mistake. I shall be quite at your service, the moment I 
can find out a friend to refer you to/' 

I had much difficulty to utier these few words with a suitable 
degree of temper, so stung was I by the insolent demeanor of the 
Frenchman, whose coolness and urbanity seemed only to increase 
every moment. » ^ 

<<Then I have the honour to^'salute you,'' ntid he, rising witfi 
great mildness in his voice ; " and shall take the liberty to leave nty 
card for the information of your friend." 

So saying, he placed his card upon the table — ^ Le Capitaine 
Eugene de Joncourt, Cuirassiers de la Oarde." 

^^I need not press upon Monsieur the value of despatch.'' ' ' 

^ I shall not lose a moment," said I, as he clattered down (he 
stairs of the hotel, with that perfect swaggering nanehalanee 
which a Frenchman is always an adept in ; and I returned to mtr 
room, to meditate upon my numerous embarrassments, and thine 
over the difficulties which every moment was contributmg to in- 
crease the nt^ber of 

^ The indictment has certainly many counts," thought I. 

Imprimis— A half-implied, but fully comprehended promise -to 
marry a young lady, with whom, I confess, I only intend to journey 
this life — as iar as Baden. 

Secondly, a charge of swindling-^for such the imputati<m goes 
to — at the Salon. 

Thirdly, another unaccountable delay in joining the Callonbys,' 
with whom I am every hour in the risk of being ^eampramia/^* 
and lastly, a duel in perspective with some confounded IVenchman 
who is at this very moment practising at a pistol gallery. 

Such were the heads of my reflections, and such the agi^eaUe 
impressions my visit to Paris was destined to open witibi; how they 
were to be followed up, I reserve for another chapter. 



CHAPTER XXX. 

CAPTAiir thevahion's adventubs. 

As the day was now waning apace, and I was still unprovided 
with any one who could act as my second, I set out upon a search 
through the various large hotels in the neighbourhood, trusting that 
amid my numerous acquaintance I should be fortunate enough to 
find some of them at Paris. With a most anxious eye I scanned 
the list of arrivals at the usual haunts of my countrymen, in the 
Rue Rivoli, and the Place Vendome, but without success; Uiere 



> \on% oatalagiies of « Milora/' with their « couriers/' &e., bnt 
not one name known to me irfthe number. 

I repaired to Oalignani's library, which, though crowded as ever 
widi English, dictnot present to me one fisuniliar face. From thence 
I turned into the Palais Royale, and at last, completely jaded W 
ifalking, and sick from disappointment, ]L sat down upon a bei^ 
in the Tuilleries Garden. 

I luid scarcely been there many minutes when a gentleman ac- 
costed me in English, saying, << May I ask if this be your pro* 
perty?'' showing, at the same time a pocket-book which I had 
inadvertently dropped in pulling out my handkerchief. As I diaiJced 
him for his attention, and was about to turn ^way, I perceived tlmt 
he continued to look very steadily at me^ At length he said, 

^ I think I am not mistaken ; I have the pleasure to see Mr. hca- 
lequer, who may perhaps recollect my name, Trevanion of Ote 
4dd. The last time we met was at Malta.'' 
. ** Oh, I. remember perfectly. Indeed I should be very ungrate- 
ful if I did not; for to your kind offices there I am indebted for 
my life. You must surely recollect the street row at the < Ca- 
•roe?'" 

^ Yes ; that was rather a brisk affair while it lasted ; but, pray, 
how long aie you I^ere ?" 

^ Merely a few days ; and most anxious am I to leave as soon 
as possible.; for independently of pressing reasons to wish myself 
elsewhere, I have had nothing but trouble and worry since my ar- 
rival, and at this instant am involved in a duel, without the slight- 
est cause that I can discover, and, what is still worse, without the 
aid of a single friend to undertake the requisite negotiation for 
me." 

** If my services can in any way assist " . 

** 0, lay dear captain, this is really so great a favour that I cannot 
say how much I thank you." 

*^ Say nothing whatever, bui rest quite assured that I am com- 
pletely at your disposal ; for although we are not very old friends, 
|ret I have heard so much of you from some of ours, that I feel as 
&f we had been long acquainted." 

This was an immense piece of good fortune forme; for of all the 
persons I knew, he was the most suited to aid me at this moment 
in addition to a thorough knowledge of the continent and its ha- 
bits, he spoke French fluently^ and had been the most renamnA 
authority in the duello to a large miUtary acquaintance ; joining to 
a consummate tact and cleverness in his diplomacy, a temper that 
never permitted itself to be ruffled, and a most unexceptionable 
reputation for coiurage. In a word, to have had Trevanion for 

Jour second, was- not only to have secured odds in your favour^ 
ut, still better, to have obtained the certainty that, let the affair 
take what turn it might, you were sure of coming out of it with 
«iedit. 
' Be was tb9 Poly man I h>v§ eyer piet, w^o bad ViWk mini 



JM iuMwinwn w MMMwm 



in mmsMiioiit of this natnro^ and y«t mmat by asf < 
had degenerated into the fil«-««tCT ; Hnoie quiet, nnaaMiniing i 
MIS it waa impoarible to meet with, find in the Tarioiu anecdotes 
1 have heard of him, I have always traced a. degree of forbeav* 
$ltk%y that men of less known btarerf might net venture to ptBx> 
tiseL At the same tims, when once roused by any thing lil|B 
premeditated insult — or pre-determined affront — ^he became almost 
UBgovemable, luid it would be safer to beard the lion in bis dea 
tfian cross his path. Among the many stories, and ttiere were « 
great many current in his regiment concerning him, there was om% 
SD ^singularly characteristic of the mon, that, as I have passingly 
Saentioned his name here, I may as well relate it; at the same time 
premising that, as it is well known, I may only be repeating an 
<lAen-heard tale to many of my readers. 

When the regiment to which Trevanion belonged became part 
<ff the army of occupation in Parts, he was left at Versailles se^ 
iteosly ill from the effects of a sabre-wound he received at Water- 
loo, and from which his recovery at first was exeeedingly deubtfid. 
At the end of several weeks, however, he became out of dangeiv 
and was able to receive the visits of his brother o£Scers, whe»> 
ever they were fortunate enough to obtain a day's leave of abs^tice 
to run down and see him. From them he learned that one of bis 
oldest friends in the regiment had feUen in a duel, during the time 
irf his illness, and that two other officers were;]angerously wounded 
**-<me of whom was not expected to survive. When he inquired 
m to the reasons of these many disasters, he was informed that 
since the entrance of the allies into Paris, the French officers, boil* 
ing with rage and indignation at their recent defeat, and smarting 
under the hourly disgrace which ,the presence of their conquerors 
suggested, sought out, by every means in their power, opportuni- 
Mss of insult ; but always so artfully contrived as to render the op- 
posite party the challenger, thus reserving to themselves the ch<nes 
of the weapons. When, therefore, it is borne in mind that the 
IVench are the most expert swordsmen in Europe, little doubt can 
^Ist as to the issue of these combats ; and, in fact,.scarcely a morn- 
ing passed without^ three or four English or Prussian officers being 
earned through the Barritoe de I'Etoile, if not dead, at least serious- 
ly wounded^ and condemned to carry with them through life the 
inictions of a sanguinary and savage spirit of revenge. 

While Trevanion listened to this sad recital, and scarcely did a 
day come without adding to the long catalogue of disasters, he at 
Mce perceived that the quiet deportment and unassuming de- 
meanor which so strongly characterize the Engli^ officer, were 
eonstrued. by their French opponents into evidences of want of 
courage, and saw that to so .^systematic a plan for slaughter no com- 
Inon remedy could be applied; and that some <<coup d'etat'^ was 
absolutely necessary, to put it down once and forever. 

In the history of these sanguinary rcDcontres, one name was ooo- 
timtally recurring^ generally as the principal^ sometimei^the insti- 



m WkMM ^Moanmau Mtl 



gmatitiibmqmxHL This was aa oiStoer erf a diORSsmir regim^ 
vfafli had the sepatatkm of being the best swordiiaiian in the whole 
Fraadai anoy, and was so less distingnisbed for his ^'skill at fence/' 
than his uncompromising hatred of the British, with whom alone, 
of sU the alliedforees, he was eret known to come in contact 
9o o^brated was the ^Capitame Augnstin Oend^mar^^ for fab 
pniMdls, that it was well known at that time in Paris that he was 
the president of a daelUng club, associated for the estpress and 
«vowed object of provoking to insult, and as certainljr dooming 
M' death every English olj^cer upon whom they could fasten a 
quarrel. 

The Caf6 Philidot^ at that period in the Rue Vivienne, was' the 
ssndszTous of this reputable fection, and here ^Me CapitaincH'V 
aeigiied supreme, receiving accounts of the various '^aiSairs^ 
wiui^were transacting-*-counselling and plotting for the future. 
ifia ascendancy among his eoontrymen was perfectly undisputed, 
and being possessed of great muscular strength, with that pecct^ 
liady ^ faroaehe'' extierior, without which courage is nothing ik 
Fkaoce, he was in every way calealated for the infamous leader- 
ibq> lie Assumed. 

It was, unfortunately, to this same caft, being situated in what 
Wns called the English quarter, that the officers of the 43d regi- 
tOBDi were in the habit of resorting, totally unaware of the plq6 
by wbioh they were surrounded, and quite unsuspecting the 
MngM web of deliberate and cold-blooded assassination in whMk 
they were involved, afid here took place the quarrel, the result of 
Which Was the death of Trevanion^s friend, a young officer of 
gieat ptORHSe, and universally beloved in his regiment. 
. As Trevanion listened to these accounts, his impatience became 
daily greater, that his weak state should prevent his being amofig 
las bralher^^ffisers, when his advice and asmtanee were so 
imperatively required, and wheve, amid all the soHcitude for hfa 
forfed recovery, he eouUL not but perceive they ardently wished 
inrhlnL 

The day at last arrived, and, restored to something Hke Sis 
former self, Trevanion once more appeared in the mess-room of 
&» regiment. Amid the many sincere and hearty congratulations 
en his recovered looks, were not a few half*erx{^essed hints lliat 
he might not go much out into the world for some little time to 
come. To these friendly admonitions Trevanion replied by a good- 
humoured laugh, and a, ready assurance that he understood the 
iMended kindness, and felt in no wise disposed to be invalided 
again. '^ In fect,'^ said he, << I have ^come up h^e to enjoy life a 
Uttle, not to risk it ; but, among the sights of your gay <»pital, 
I must certainly have a peep at your famed captain, of whom I 
have heard too much not to feel an interest in him.'' ' 

Notwithstandmg the many objections to this, made with a view 

^ to delay his visit to the Philidor to a later period, it was at length 

agieedy that Aqr riionld all repair to the cafiEi that evenings btu 

22* »X 



npan the expraw understanding that etrery canee of qoaml sheiild 
be strictly avcuded, and that their stay should be merely soffideiit 
to satisfy Trevanion's curiosity as to the personnel of the renommi 
eaptain. 

It was rather before the usual hour of the caft's filling, that a 
number of English officers, among whom was Trevanion, enteradl 
the ^< salon'' of the ^'Philidor f* having determined not to attract 
any unusual attention, they broke into little knots and parties of 
threes and fours, and dispersed through the room, where they 
eiUier sipped their coffee or, played their dominoes, then, as now, 
the staple resource of a French caf6. 

The clock over the '^comptoir'' struck eight, and at the same 
instant, a waiter made his appearance, carr3ring a small table whieh 
he placed beside the fire, and, having trinmied a lamp, and {daeed 
a Ifurge fouteuil before it, was about to withdraw, when Trevanion, 
whose curiosity was roused by the singularity of these arrange* 
ments, determined upon asking for whose comfort they were in^ 
tended. The waiter stared lor a moment at the question, with an 
air as if doubting the seriousness of him who put it, and at last 
replied — ** Pour Monsieur le Capitaine, je craiSy^* with a certaift 
tone of significance upon the latter words. 

^* Lb Capitaine ! but what captain ?'' said he carelesriy ; ^^ for I 
am a captain, and that gentleman there-^nd there, too, is another,'' 
at the same instant throwing himself listlessly into the weU- 
cushioned chair, and stretxdiittg out his legs at fuU length upon the 
hearth. 

The look of ^orror which this quiet proceeding on his part, 
eUcited from the poor waiter, so astonished him that he could not 
help saying-— <^ Is there any thing the matter with you, my Mead ; 
are you ill?" 

*^ No, monsieur, not ill ; nothing the matter with ^ne; but yov, 
4ur ; oh, you, )»ir, pray come away.'' 

^ ilfi?," said Trevanion-; ^me ! why, my good man, I was never 
l>etter ixt my life ; so now just bring me my coffee and the Moni^ 
Iwr, if you have it : there, don't stare that way, but do as I bid 
you." 

There was something in the assured tone of these few words 
that either overawed or repressed every rising feeling of the waiter 
for his interrogator; for, silently handing his coffee and the news- 
paper, he left the room; not, however, without bestowing a parting 
glance 'so full of terror and dismay that our friend was obliged to 
smile at it. All this was the work of a few minutes, and not until 
the noise of oiew arrivals had attracted the attention of his brother 
officers, did they perceive where he had installed himself, and to 
what danger he was thus, as they supposed, unwittyigly exposed. 

It was now, however, too late for remonstrance; for already 
several French officers had noticed the circumstance, and by their 
interchange of looks and signs, openly evinced their satis&ction at 
it, and their delight at the catastrophe whieb seepied lAevitaUQ te 
the luckless Englishman, ^ ^^-^v^^ 



- In perfect ndmcy at whit they concfcif^ th»ir own fiintlin not 
apprizing him of the sacred character of that place, they stood 
aitontly looking at him, as he continued to sip hia coffee, appa- 
rently unconscious of every thing and person about him. 

There^was now a more than ordinary silence in the caf6, which 
at all times was remarkable for the quiet and noiseless demeanor 
of its frequenters, when the door was flung open by tlie ready 
waiter, and the Capitaine Augustin 6end6mar entered. He was a 
large squarely-built man, with a most savage expression of coun- 
tenance, which a bushy beard and shaggy overhanging mustache 
served successfully to assist ; his eyes were shaded by deep project- 
ing brows, and long eyebrows slanting over them, and increasing 
their look of piercing sharpness ; there was in his whole air and 
demeanor that certain French air of swaggering builyism, which 
^ ever remained in those who, having risen from the ranks, maintained 
the look of ruffianly defiance which gave their early character for 
courage peculiar merit. 

To the friendly salutations of his countrymen he returned the 
slightest and coldest acknowledgments, throwing a glance of dish 
dain arpund him as he wended his way to his accustomed place 
heside the fire ; this he did with as much of noise and swagger as 
he could well contrive ; his sabre^ and sabretasch clanking behind, 
ins spnrs jangling, and his heavy step made purposeIy*heavier to 
draw upon him the notice and attention he sought for. Trevanion 
alone testified no consciousness oi his entrance, and appeared 
totally engrossed by the columns of his newspaper, from which he 
never lifted his eyes for an instant. Le Capitaine at length reached 
the fire-place, when, no sooner did he behold hk accustomed seat 
in the possession of another, than he absolutdy started back witfi 
mrprise and anger. 

What might have been his first impulse it is hard to say, for, as 
the blood rushed to his face and forehead, he clenched his hands 
firmly, and seemed for an instant, as he eired die stranger, like a 
tiger about to spring upon his victim; this was but for a second, 
for turning rapidly round towards his party, he gave them a look 
of peculiar meaning, showing two rows of white teeth, widi a grin 
which seemed to say, ** I have taken my line^;'' and he had done 
so. He now ordered the waiter, in a voice of thunder, to bris^ 
him a chair; this he took roughly from him, and placed, with a 
crash, upon the floor, exactly opposite that of Trevanion, and still 
so near as scarcely to permit of his sitting down upon it. The 
noisy vehemence of this action at^last appeared to have roused 
Trevanion's attention, for he now, for the first time, looked up 
firom his paper, and quietly regarded his vis^a-^s. There could 
not in the world be a stronger contrast to t)ie bland look and cour- 
teous expression of Trevanion's handsome features, than the 
savage* scowl of the enraged Frenchman, in whose features the 
strong and ill-repressed workings of passion were twitching and 
distorting every lineament and line; indeed; no words could ever 



MO vomwE Bn o n m mw sabky jlobssqidsb. 



coimy one half m fomUy iui did tlMif look, insiilt-^pM^ pal- 
pable, deep, determined insnlt 

TrevanioD, whose eyes had been merely for a moment lifted 
from his paper, again fell, and he appeared to take no notice wlui^ 
#ver of the extraordinary proximity of the t'renchman, still less 
ef the savage and insulting character of his looks. 

Le Gapitaine, having thus failed to bring on the eclairdssement 
he sought for, proceeded to aeeomplish it by oth&r means; for, tak- 
ing the lamp, by the light of which Trevanion was still reading, he 
placed it at his side of the table, and at the same instant stretehing 
across his arm, he plucked the newspaper from his hand, gitring at - 
the same moment a glance of triumph towards the bystanders, as 
Ibougb he would say, <^ You see what he must submit to/' Words 
camK)t describe the astonishment of the British officers, as they 
heheld Trevanion, under this gross and open insult, cotitent hiB»- 
mil by a slight smile and half bow, as t£ returning a courtesy, 
and then throw his eyes downwards, as if engaged in deep thought, 
-while the triumphant sneer of the French, at this unapcountable 
eondnct, was absolutely maddening to them to endure. 

But their patience was destined to submit to stronger proof, for 
at this instant Le Gapitaine stretched forth one enermoas 1^, cased 
in his massive jack^boot, and with a crash deposited ^e heel upon 
the foot of their friend IVevanion^ At length he is roused, thouglNt 
Aey, for a slight flush of crimson ffitted across his cheek, and his 
upper lip trembled with a quick spasmodic twitching ; but both 
these signs were over in a second, and his features were as cahn 
•nd umnoved as before, and his only appearance of consciousness 
of the affront;^ was given by his drawing back his chair and plac- 
ing his legs beneath it, as for proteaion. 

This last insult, and the tame forbearance with which it witf 
mbuiitted to, produced all their opposite effects upon the bystanders, 
and looks of ungovernable rage and derisive contempt were evety 
moment interchanging ; indeed, were it not for the all-absoitbiog 
interest which the two great actors in the scene had concentrated 
upon themselves, the two parties must have come at onoe into 
open conflict . < 

The dock of the pafS strudk nine, the hour* at which Gend^mar 
always retired, so calling to the waiter for his peiit verre of brandy, 
he placed his * newspaper upon the table, and putting both his 
elbows upon it, and his chin upon his handjs, he stared full in Tre- 
▼anion's face with a look of the most derisive triumph, meant to 
crown the achievement of the evening. To this, as to all his 
former insults, Trevanion appeared still insensible, and merely 
regarded him with his never-changing half smile ; the peiii verre 
arrived; le Gapitaine took it in his hand, and, with a nod of most 
insulting familiarity, saluted Trevanion, adding with a loud voice, 
so as to be heard on every side — "A votre courage, Anglais." He 
bad scarcely swallowed the liquor when Trevanion rose slowly 
from theohair, displaying to the astonished gaze of the Frenchman 




^ / ' / '/J '/ ^^ / 



oonvssiom ov tblamww x^mai^wt' 9ift 

tip0 immesse proportions and gigantic fapiB of a maa v^ril-taiowii 

as the largest officer in the British army ; with one stride be was 
beiide the chair of the Frenchman, and with the speed of lightning 
he seized his nose by one band, while with the other he grasped 
Us lower jaw, and, wrenching open his mouth with the strength 
of an ogre, be spat down his throat. 

So sadden was the movement, that. before ten seconds had 
elapsed, all was over, and the Frenchman rushed from the rooiBp 
holding the fragments of his jaw-bone, (for it was fractured !) and 
followed by his countrymen, who, from that hour, deserted 4lld 
Ctdi Philidor, nor was there ever any mention of the famous cap- 
taia during the stay of the regiment in Paris, 



CHAPTER XXX 

nmicuLTixs. 



While we walked together towards Meurice, I explained <• 
Trevanion the position in which I stood ; and haying detailed, at 
full length, the fracas at the Salon, and the imprisonment of 
O'Leary, entreated his assistance in behalf of him^ as well as to 
free me from some of mv many embarrassments. 

It was strange enough — ^though at first so pre-occupied was I 
with other thoughts, that I paid but little attention to it — ^that no 
part of my eventful evening seemed to make so strong an imprea* 
sion on him as my mention of having seen my cousin Guy, and 
heard from him the death of my uncle. At this portio^ of my 
story he smiled, with so much significance of meaning, that I could 
not help asking his reason. ^ ^ 
/< It is always an unpleasant task,' Mr. Lorvequer, to speak in 
any way, however delicately, in a tone' of disparagement of a 
man's relatives; and, therefore, as we are not long enough ac- 
quainted ^^ , 

<<But pray," said I, << waive that consideration, and only re- 
member the position in which I now auL If you know any thiqg 
of this business, I entreat you to tell me — ^I promise to take what- 
ever you may be disposed to communicate,, in the a^une good part 
it is intended." 

<< Well, then, I believe you are right ; but, first, let me ask you, 
how do you know of y^ur uncle's death; for I have reason to 
doubt it?" 

« Prom Guy ; he told me himself." 

*' When chd you see him, and where ?" 

<< Why, I have iust told you ; I saw him last night at the Salon.'' 

^ And you could not be mistaken ?" 



' ** Impossible ! Besides, he wrote to me la note whicK I receiyed 
this morning— here it is**' 

« Hem— ha. Well, are yon satisfied that this is his hand-writ- 
ing?*' said Trevanion, as he perused the note slowly twice over. 

** Why, of coarse — ^but stop — ^ypu are right ; it is not his hand, 
nor do I know the writing, now that you direct my attention to it. 
But what can that, mean ? You surely do^not suppose that I have 
mistaken any one for him ; for, independent of all else, his know- 
ledge of my family, and my uncle's affairs, would quite disprove 
that." 

« This is really a complex affair," said Trevanion, musingly. 
"How long may it be since you saw your cousin — ^before last 
night, I mean ?" 

^ Several years ; above six, certainly." 

f<< Oh, it is quite possible, then," said Trevanion, musingly ; " do 
you know, Mr. Lorrequer, this affair seems much more puzzling 
to me than to you, and for this plain reason — ^I am disposed to 
think you never saw your cousin last night." 

"Why, confound it, there is one circumstance that I think may 
satisfy you on that head. You will not deny that I saw some one 
who very much resembled him; and certainly as he lent me above 
three thousand franks to play with at the table, it looks rather mora 
like his act than that of a perfect stranger." 

" Have you got the money ?" asked Trevanion drily. 

"Yes," said I; "but certainly you are the most unbelieving ot 
mortals, and I am quite happy that I have yet in my possession 
two of the billets de banquet for, I suppose, without them, you 
would scarcely credit me." I here opened my pocket-book, and 
produced the notes. 

He took them, examined ihem attentively for an instant, held 
them between him and the light, refolded them, and, having placed 
' them in my pockcft-book, said — ^*I thought as much — they are 
forgeries." 

"Hold !" said I, "my cousin Guy, whatever wildness he may 
have committed, is yet totally incapable of " 

" I never said the contrary," replied Trevanion, in the same dry 
tone as before. 

Then what can you mean, for I' see no alternative between that 
and totally discrediting the evidence of my senses ?" 

"Perhaps I can suggest a middle course," said Trevanion; 
**lend me, therefore, a patient hearing for a few naoments, and I 
may be able to throw soxn^ light upon this difficult matter. You 
may never have heard that there is in the same city of Paris, a 
person so extremely like your cousin Guy, that his most intimate 
friends have daily mistaken the one for the other, and this mistake 
has the more often been made, from the circumstance of their both 
being in the habit of frequenting the same class in society, where 
Knowing and walking with the same people, the difficulty of dis- 
criminating ha" h?'^'- neatly increased. This individual, who hai. 



too nmny aliases lor one to know which to particularize him by, 
is one of that numerous order of beings whom a high state of civi- 
lization is always engendering and throwing up on the surface of 
society; he is a man of low birth and mean connections, but gifted 
witfi most taking manners and unexceptionable, address and ap- 
pearance ; tb^se advantages, and the possession of apparently in 
ctependent means, have opened to him the access to a certain set 
of people, who are well known and well received in society, and 
obtained for him, what he prizes much more, the admission into 
several clubs where high play is carried on. In this mixed assem- 
blage^ which sporting habits and gambling (that grand leveller of 
all distinctions). have brought togefther, this man and your cousin 
Ouy met frequently, and, from the constant allusion to the won- 
derful resemblance between them, your eccentric cousin, who, I 
must say, was never too select in his acquaintances, frequently 
amtteed himself by practical jokes upon their friends, which served 
still more to nurture the intimacy between them ; and from this 
habit, Mr. Dudley Morewood, for such is his latest patron3rmic, 
must have enjoyed frequent opportunities of hearing much of your 
family and relations, a species of information he never neglected, 
though' at the moment it might appear not so immediately appli- 
eable to his purposes. Now, this man, who knows of every new 
English arrival in Paris, with as much certainty as the police 
itself, would at once be aware of your being here, and having 
learned from Guy how little intercourse there had been of late 
vears between you, would not let slip an opportunity of availing 
himself of the likeness, if ai^y thing could thereby turn to his 
profit." 

<*Stop,'* cried I; "you have opened my eyes completely, for 
BOW I remember tlmt, as I continued to win last night, this man, 
who was playing hazard at another table, constantly borrowed 
from me, but always in gold, invariably refusing the billets de 
banque as too high for his game." 

" There his object was clear enough ; for besides obtaining t/our 
gold, he made you the means of disseminating his false billets de 
banque?^ 

<< So that I have been actually playing and winning upon this 
Mow's forgeries,^' said I; <'and am perhaps at this very instant 
inscribed in the * Livre noir' of the police, as a most accomplished 
swindler; bu^What could be the intention of his note of this morn- 
ing?" 

" As to that,V said Trevanion, " it is hard to say ; one thing you 
may assuredly rely upon — ^it is not an unnecessary epistle, what- 
ever be its object; he never wastes his powder when the game flies 
too high ; so we must only wait patiently for the unravelment of 
his plans, satisfied that we, at least, know something. What most 
surprises me is, his venturing at present to appear in public ; for 
it is not above two months since an escaqpade of his attracted so 



f M ^ cpirvwsiDirs ow wAMwr JumuttUNu 

much attention of the play world here, that be Wifl oblifid to 
leave, and it was supposed that he would never retarn to Paria*" 

" One piece of good fortune there is at least/' said I, ^.wliieb« I 
can safely say, repays me for any and all t&e annoyanee this uq- 
happy a&ir may cause me ; it is that my poor old unde is aliU 
alive and well. Not all my anticipated pleasures, in newly ac* 
quired wealth, could have afforded me the saAie gratificatioa tbiit 
this fact does, for, although never so much his favourite aa nqr 
cousin, yet the sense of protection — the feeling of oonfidenoi, 
which is inseparable from the degree of relationship between wh^ 
standing, as he has ever done^ in the light of a father to me, is kA* 
nitely more pleasurable than the possession of riches, whidi muat 
ever suggest to me the recollection of a loud friend lost to4iie Sh* 
fver* But so many thoughts press on me-^-eo mtoy effects oCtfaii 
a&ir are staring me in the Ibice — I really know not wbioh wwf to 
turn, nor cai^ I even collect my ideasi sufficiently to determme wbal 
is first to be done/' 

^ Leave all that to me," said Trevanion ; ^ it is a tangled webi 

but I think I can unravel it; meanwhile, vrhfot does the MUitaim 

' reside ? for, among all your pressing engagements, this affair with 

the Frenchman must come off first ; and for this reason, althoiq^b 

you are not really obliged to give him satisfaction, by bis merelfF 

g-oducing your card, and insisting that you are to be responaihlo 
r the misdeeds of any one who might show it as his own addiaesi^ 
yet I look upon it as a most fortunate thing, while charges so heaiy 
may be at this moment hanging over your head, as the pxoceediagf 
of last night involve, that you have a public opportunity of »Mtr 
ing an antagonist in the field — ^thereby evincing no fear of publi- 
city, nor any intention of absconding ; &a be assured, that the 
nouce are at this moment in possession of what has occurred, and 
firom the fracas which followed, are well disposed to regard tho 
whole as a concerted scheme to seize upon the property of thd 
banque, a not uncommon wind-up here after luck fails. My 
advice is, therefore, meet the man at once; I shall take care Aat 
the prefect is informed that you have been imposed upon by a 
person passing himself off as your relative, and enter bail for yoM 
appearance whenever you are called upon ; that being done, we 
shall have time for a moment's respite to look around us, aiid co»« 
sider the other bearings of tbis difficult businesa" 

^< Here, then, is the card of address," said I ; ^^ Eugene iD^M^ 
court Capitaine de Cavalerie, No. 8, Chausse D'Antin." 

^^ Dejoncourt ! why confound it, this is not so pleasant ; he is 
about the best shot in Paris, and a very steady swordsman besides. 
I don't like this." 
^ But you forget, he is the friend, not the principal here." 
'< The more good fortime yours," said Trevanion, drily ; '^for I 
acknowledge I should not give much for your chance at twenty 
paces opposite his pistol; then who is the other ?" 



<< L€f Burcm d^Haulf>exine^" said I, ^ m^ bia naioe fe utt Ibvt I 
know of him ; )m Y^y appearasoe is utikaowii to me.^' 

"lbdiev« I a^ acquainted with him," said Treyemon^ ^bat 
hme w^ are at Meurice. Now I shall just write a few lines to^a 
l^ faend, who will manage t^ liberate Mr. O'Leary, whoeft 
services we shall need ; two persons are usual on each side in dikl 
^untry, and then * i I'ouvrage.' " 

The net^ written and despatched, Tref amon jumped into a cab^ 
Md set out for the Cbaussl D'Antin, leaTii^ me to think ov«r, if 
wnA as I could, the mass of trouble and coofusioii that tweQty*£Ma 
t of life la Paris had involved me io« 



CHAPTER XXXI. 

XXPLANATXON. 



It was past seven o'clock when Trevanion'made hisappearaooi^ 
tiCfiKMas^anied by O'Leary ; and having in few words informed mm 
that a meeting was fixed for the Ibllowing morning, near St. Clou^ 
prc^osed that we should at once go to dinner at Yerey's^ afier 
which we should have plenty of *tinie to discuss the various stepff 
to be taken. As we were leaving the hotel for this pprpose^ 8^ 
waiter requested of me to permit Mr. Meurice to speak a few 
words to me ; which, having agreed to, I entered the little bupea» 
where thisczai? of hotels sits enthroned, and what was my surprise 
10 learn the request he hsid to prefer, was nothing less than that^{ 
would ^0 far oblige him as to vacate the room I possessed iin tht 
lM>tel, adding that my c(Hnpliance would confer upon him the po wof 
to aeeommodate a ^^milor" who had written for apartment, a]i4 
-upas conang with a large suite of servants. Suspecting that som« 
.rumour of the late affair at Frescati might have influenced oqr 
iliend Meurice in this unusual demiand, I abruptly refused^ Ma 
was about to turn away, when he, perhaps guessing that I hai 
not believed his statements, handed me an open letter, si^ying^ 
^ You see, sir^ this is the letter ; and as I am so pressed foi spajp^ 
l>oom, I must now refuse the writer/' 

As my eye glanced at the writing, I started back in amazemeaf 
to perceive it was in my cousin Guy's hand, requesting that ap^llr 
ments might be retained for Sir Guy Lorrequer, my uncle, wbt 
was to arrive in Paris by the end of the week. If any doubt bad 
nemained on my mind as to the deception I had been duped By> 
itm would have completely dispelled it, but I had long before bWR 
2/Hkyixified of the trick, and only wondered how the &lse Guy — iSM- 
Dudley Moirewood— ^had esomrived to pireseat himself to nm n^ 
2S ilh 



opportunely I tod by what means, in so short a space bf time, he 
had become acquainted with my personal appearance. 

As I mentioned this circumstance of the letter to Trevanion, he 
could not i^onceal his satisfaction at his sagacity in unravelling tho 
mystery, while this new intelligence confirmed the justness and 
accuracy of all his explanations. 

While we walked along towards the Palais Royale, Trevanion 
endeavoured,not very successfully, to explain to my friend O'Leary, 
' ihe nature of the trick which had been practised, promising, at 
another time, some revelations concerning the accomplished indi- 
vidual who had planned it, which, in boldness and daring, eclipsed 
even this. 

Any one who in waking has had the confused memory of a 
dream in which events have been so iningled and mixed as to pre- 
sent no uniform narrative, but only a mass of strange and incon- 
gruous occurrences, without object or connexion, may form some 
notion of the state of restless exoitement my bra|n suffered from, 
as the many and. conflicting ideas my late adventures suggested, 
presented themselves to my mind in rapid succession. 

The glare, the noise, and the clatter of a French caf(J are certainly 
not the agents most in request for restoring a man to the enjoy- 
ment of hi^ erring faculties ; and, if I felt addled and confused 
before, I had scarcely passed the threshold ofVerey's when I 
became absolutely like one in a trance. The large salon wad 
more than usually crowded, and it was with diffi<^uUy that we 
obtained^ place at a table, where some other English were seated, 
among whom I recognised my lately made acquaintance, Mr. Ed- 
ward Bingham. 

Excepting a cup of coffee, I had taken nothing the entire day, 
and so completely did my anxieties of different kinds subdue all 
appetite, that the most recherchi viands of this well-known restate* 
rant did not in the least tempt me. The champagne alone had 
any attraction for me ; and, seduced by the icy coldness of the wine, 
I drank copiously. This was all that was wanting to complete 
the maddening confusioh of my brain, and the effect was instanta- 
neous ; the lights danced before my eyes; the lustres whirled round; 
and, as the scattered fragments of conversation on either side met 
my ear, I was able to form some not very inaccurate conception 
of what insanity may be. Politics arid literature, Mexican bonds 
and Noblet's legs. Pates de perdreaus and the quarantine laws, 
" ihe extreme gauche and the ^^ Bains Chtnois/^ Victor Hugo and 
Touge et noir, had formed a species of grand balkt d^ action in my 
fevered brain, and I was perfectly beside myself. Occasionally, top, 
I would revert to my own concerns, although I was scarcely able 
dto follow up any train of thought for more than a few seconds 
together, and totally inadequate to distinguish the false from the 
true. I continued to confound the counterfeit with my cousin, and 
"Wonder how my poor uncle, for whom I was about to put on the 
deepest mourning; could possibly think of driving me out of my 



CONFBSSIOKS OV 9ABKT LORRSQ9BX. StT 

lodgings. * Of my duel for the morning, I had the most shadowy 
recollections, and coaM not perfectly comprehend whether it was: 
O'Leary or I was the principal, and indeed cared but little. In 
this happy state of independent existence I must have passed a 
considerable time, and as my total silence when spoken to, or my 
irrelevant answers, appeared to have tired out my companions,, 
they left me to the uninterrupted enjoyment of my own pleasant 
imaginings. 

" Do you hear, Lorrequer/' at last said Trevanion ; " are you 
asleep, my dear friend? This gentleman has been good enough to 
invite us to breakbst to-morrow at St. Cloud." 

I looked up, and was just able to recognize the well-trimmed 
mustache of Mr. Edward Bingham, as he stood mumbling some* 
thing before me. " St. Cloud— what of St. Cloud ?" said I. 
<< We have something in that quarter, to-morrow.'.^ 
« What is it, O'Leary ? Can we go ?" 
'< Oh ! certainly — our engagement is an early one.'^ 

^ We shall accept your polite invitation with pleasure" 

Here, he stooped over and whispered something in my earf 
what, I cannot say, but I know that my r^ply, now equally lost to^ 
me, produced a hearty fit of laughing to my two firi^nds. 

My next recollection is, finding myself in a crowded loge, at the 
theatre.' It seems that O'Leary had acceded to a proposal firom 
some of the other party to accompany them to the Porte St. Mar- 
tin, where Mrs. Bingham and her daughter had engaged a box* 
Amid all the confusion which troubled thoughts and wine produced 
m me, I could not help perceiving a studied politeness and atten- 
tion on the part of Mr. Edward Bingham towards me ; and my 
first sobering reflection came, on finding that a place was reserved 
for me beside Miss Bingham, into which, by some contrivimce I 
can in nowise explain, I found myself almost immediately installed* 
To all the excitements of champagne and punch, let the attractions 
of a French ballet be added, and with a singularly pretty com- 
panion at your side, to whom you have already made sufficient 
lidvances to be aware that you are no longer indifferent to her, and 
I venture to predict, that it is much more likely your conversation 
will incline to flirting than political economy; and, moreover, thai 
you make more progress during ttie performailce of one single /ki« 
de deux upon the stage, than you have hitherto done in ten morn- 
ing calls, with an unexceptionable whisker and the best fitting 
gloves in Paris. Alas ! alas ! it is only the rich man that ever wins^ 
at rouge et noir. The welt-insured Indiaman, with her cargo of 
millions, comes safe into port ; while the whole venture of some^ 
hardy veteran of the wave, founders within sight of his native 
ishore. So is it ever ; where success would be all and every thing, 
it never comes — ^^but only be indifferent or regardless, and fortune 
is at your feet, suing and imploring your acceptance of her favours*^ 
What would I not have given for one half of that solicitude now 
so kindly expressed in*my favour by Miss Binghani, if syllabled by 



tli9 lips of Lady Jane GaUonby— ho w would mf hmat haver thro&H 
bsd for one light smile £rom one, while* I uii^teAilljp basked wt 
the openly aivowed preferease of the other. • These were aagr first > 
thoughts^— whsit wem the aoceeeding ooea ? 

<^ Comment 6Ue est belle/' said a FimichwoaHUi, turning: nonnd 
far the box next to us, and dicecting at the* mne monwftt tbeejms. 
of a naostached hero upon my fiiir coflopsiiimii / 

What a turn to my thoughts did this unexpected ejacukdion gme , 
rise to t I now began tb eonsider her mem attenti»Telyv angt cer- ' 
taibly* concurred fiiUy in the f^rench woman's Tjerdiet I bad nevper 
seen h^r loo^ half so vpM before. The gjeafe iuoit in hei featai»^ 
uMA were most classiGaUy regulai^ lay in tfae^ monotony and nai- 
fetm cfaaeader of ,tiieir expressioik Now thiv was* quite' ^»ngmfc 
Her cheek was sSghiiy finshed^ and hbr- eye» more briUiaolt tbam 
ever ; while her shglttly parted lipa gave a degree of speaking 
earnestness to her expression, that madb herpesifettdyTbeajitiAiiL 

Whether it was from tfiis cause. I canned say, but I eertaialy 
never fete so suddenly deeided m my life fecmi ooe cousse to its 
very opposite, as- 1 now did to make Uaitnabk to^ .psy lovely oom- 
pantoiib And here, I fear, \ must acknowledge,, in the> honesty ef 
these confessidnal details^ that vanity had also its share in the de»- 
eirion. To be the admitted and preferred suitor of the prettiest 
woman in compsmy, is generally a strong inducement to fall dea 
perately in love with her, independently of other temptations, fee 
so doing. 

How fer my successes tallied with my good intentions in tfaia 
respect, I canned now say. I only remember, that more thaneace: 
O^Leary whispered tome somel^ing like a caution of some stort oxr 
other*; but Emily's encouraging smiles and still more: encouragitts 
speeches had far more effect upocb ma than all .the eloquencei odr 
the united service, had it been engaged m my behalf, would have 
eibcted. Mrs» Bingham, too — who,, to do her justice, seemed buC 
little cognisant of our proceedings — from time- to time evinced that 
species of motherly satisfaction which very young nien rcgoice 
much, in, and older ones are considerably alarmed at. 

Tho play over, O'Leary charged himself with the ptrolection of 
madam, while I enveloped Emily in her^ocachmere, and drew her 
arm witbhi my own. What my hand had to do with hers I know 
not ; it remains one of the unexplained difficulties of that eventful, 
evening. I have, it is true, a haay recollection of pressing soma 
very taper and delicately formed finger — and remember, too^ the 
pain I felt next morning on awaking, by the pressure of a too ti^t 
ring, which had, by some strange accident, found its way ta my 
finger, for which its size was but ill accepted. 

<< You will join us at supper, I hope,'' said Mrs. Bingham, aa 
T^vanion handed her to her carriage. ^ Mr. Lorrequer^ Mr. 
O^Leary, we shall expect you.^' 

I was about to promise to do so, when Trevanion snddealy iiih 
^emi)Med me, aaymg that he had already accepted an mvitatioi^ 



iHvadadiMfgwd mglfi% Imrried a» away so aibriq)tly,>that I hud JK»t 
%mmiaBfA:ffMiini&:^v&n one jsanting look.at idie fair Skaily. 
' ' ' -*< m^hy, Tremoiiim," sftsd I, '^ ^irhat iiNrkation m-e you dieammg 
V mti^lf^mtmieyisAmaaid kaAReJ3«eii4eligblQd4o«barve gone bctme with 
Ae Binghams." ^ 

« So I perceived,^* said Trevanion, gravely ; " and it was for that 
precise reason I so firmly refused what^ individually, I should have 
Deen most happy to accept/* 

" Then pray have the goodness to explain.*' 
. " It is easily done. You have already, in recounting your mani- 
fold embarrassments, told me enough of these people, to let me see 
that tbe^intend you should marry among them ;' and, indeed, you 
have gone quite faar ^anough to encourage aich an expectation. 
Your present excited state has led you sufficiently far this evenings 
and I coald not answter iar your not proposing in all form before 
the Yupfier was over ; <tharefi>re, I had ito other course opei3t< to jaoe 
Ifaap piniiiirtly to refuse Mxs. Bingham's mvitsation. But here ime 
mm now at itfaae * Cadiran rouge ;' we shall rba^ve *our lob&ter and ft 
^ss of Moselle, and then to hed^ ibr me must not forgfA that w» 
«re to be at St. Cloud by seven/* 

^ Ah ! that is a good diou^t of yonra «boiit th« ^bster," sajd 
O'Leary ; <^and now, as you ufideestand these matters, just order 
sapiper, Atid let us «i9}oy ourselves**' 

With aU die accustomed de^aatoh jof « -reHaunmt^ k most ap^* 
tiziag/M^^sotiper made its. speed jr appearance ; And although judfr 
perfectly divested ief the high excitement which had hi^eeto ,pciii^ 
jessad me, my spirits wer^-exceUesi^ and I nevermore reilisfaed reMr 
goiid ^e msBkA go«id fayiowship. 

After a full Jumper to the heatehtef jtbe &ir Ehndly had been fuso- 
^sed and drained by aU Ihgiee, Trewanion again esplaioed hemr 
mMhtnore serioifts diffieutey wonld resuh foom any felse slqp in 
diat quarter than front aU my other sorapestsolleetively. 

"l^is he represented so strongly, thai Ax the ficat time I h^gun 
tepefoeive the train of t& eoosc^enees tiaat 'must inevUahly ee- 
leiilt, and promised mo^ iaithOilly W be gmded hy any cauoaei .be 
might feel disposed te. give vae. 

<< Ah I wfaait a iyity,^#said O'Leai^, ^ it istnod; oey cikse* It's wmf 
dittle umiide it woukl cost any oae to hroak eff a malch Sat ma* Ii 
had always slnost a 'peoehar talem fer duose tilings,'* 

^ ladeM 1*' sakl Treraniea. ^< Fnay, moay we know yeur secret ? 
fcr perhaps, ere long w» fnay Imve aocaaioQ &x its eiopteymeiit''' 

^ Tell it, by all means,** said I. 

•^ if i d9,** said O'Leary, "<* it will -cost yew at patieit bearings ^for 
my experiences are eeianected with two -episodes in ^my^earty Ufe, 
which, although net very amusing, are certamiy instructive.'* 

" Oh ! by all means, kt us hear 4hem,** said Tmvanion : *' foar we 
faai/se yet two bettles of chambertia left, aad must tfinish them, cre.^ 
we «a«t*'?^ 
• «3* 



illQ^ oovtMBjojn Of HABKT LbmKs^ims. 

<< WeD/agreed/^ ^id O'Leary ; ^ onijr, once f<yr all, as what I am 
•about to confide is strictly confidential, you must promise nerer 
even to allude to it hereafter in even the most remote mam^ier, 
much less indulge in any unseemly mirth at what I shall relate/' 

Having pledged ourselves to secrecy and a becoming seriousness, 
O'Leary began his story as follows :— 



CHAPTER XXXIII. 

KK. O^LSART's first LOVS. 



<'It was during the vice-royalty of the late Duke of Richmond 
that the incidents I am about to mention took place. That was a 
few years since, and I was rather younger, and a little more parti- 
cular about my dress than at present/' Here the little man cast 
an eye of stoical satisfaction upon his uncouth habiliments, that 
nearly made us forget our compact, and laugh outright. <^ Well, 
in those wild and headstrong days of youthful ardour, I fell in love 
-—desperately in love — and as always is, I beli^ve^ the case widi 
our early experiments in that unfortunate passion, the object of my 
affection was in every way unsuited to me. She was a tall, dark- 
haired, dark-eyed maiden, with a romantic imagination, and a 
kind' of a half-crazed poetic fervour, that often made me fear for 
'her intellect. I'm a short, rather &t — ^I was always given this 
way" — ^here he patted a waistcoat that would fit Daniel Lambert 
— ^^ happy-minded little fellow, that liked my supper of oysters at 
the Pigeon-house, and my other creature-comforts, and hated every 
thing that excited or put one out of one's way, just as I would 
have hated a blister. Then, the devil would have it— for as 
''Certainly as marriages are made in heaven, flirtations have some- 
thing to say to the other place— that I should fall most irretrievably 
in love with Lady Agties Moreton. Bless my soul, it absolutely 
puts me in a perspiration this hot day, just to think over all I 
-went through on her account ; for, strangeito say, the more I ap- 
peared to prosper in her good graces^ the more did idie exact on my 
part ; the pursuit was like Jacobus ladder— 4f it did lead to heaven 
it was certainly an awfully long journey, and very hard on one's 
legs. There was not an amusement she could think of, no matter 
how unsuited to my tastes or my abilities, that she did not imme 
diately take a violent fancy to ; and then there was no escaping^ 
and J was at once obliged to go with the tide, and heaven knows 
if it would not have carried me to my grave if it were not for the 
fortunate (I now call it) accident that broke off the affair forever. 
'^ne time she took a fiincy to yachting, and all the danglers about 
hm— -and she always had a cordon of them— youn^ aides-dit'CaiB^ 



eoirifEssiOKs ot AAftftr Loftfts^iriA. m 

:of her father the general, and idle hnssais, in clanking sabertasches 
and most absurd mustachios — all approved of the taste, and so 
kept filling her mind with anecdotes of corsairs and smuggters, 
fhat at last nothing would satisfy her till I — 1> who always would 
rather have waited for low water, and waded the Liffey in all lis 
black mud, than cross over in the ferry b6at, for fear of sickness 
— ^I was obliged to put an advertisement in the newspaper for a 
pleasure-boat, and, before three weeks, saw myself owner of a 
clinker built schooner, of torty-eight tons, that by some mockery 
of fortune was called * The DeUght.' I wish you saw me, as you 
might have done every morning for about a month, as I stood on, 
the custdm-house quay, giving orders for the outfit of the littk 
craft. At^ first, as she bobbed and pitched with the flood-tide, I 
used to be a little giddy and rather qualmish, but at last I learned 
to look on without my head reeling. I began to &ncy myself very 
much of a sailor, a delusion considerably encouraged by a huge 
P. jacket and a sou'-wester, both of which, though it was in the 
dog-days, Agnes insisted upon my wearing, saying I looked more 
like Dirk Hatterack, who I understood, was one of her favourite 
heroes in Walter Scott. In fiict, after she suggested this, she and 
all her friends called me nothing but Dirk. 

** Well, at last, after heaven knows how many excuses on my 
part, and entreaties for delay, a day was appointed for our first 
excursion. I shall never forget that day — ^the entire night before 
it I did not close my eyes ; the skipper had told me in his confounded 
sea-jargon, that if the wind was in one quarter we should have a 
short tossing sea ; and if in another a long rolling swell ; and if in 
a third, a happy union of both — ^tn fact, he made it out that it 
could not possibly blow right, an opinion I most heartily coincided 
ki, and most devoutly did I pray for a calm, that would not per- 
mit of our stirring from our moorings, and thus mar our projected 
party of pleasure. My prayer was unheard, but my hopes rose 
on the other hand, for it blew tremendously during the entire nighty 
dad although there was a lull towards morning, the sea, even in 
the river, was considerable. 

^ I had just come to the conclusion that I was safe for this time; 
when the steward poked his head into the room and said, 

<<^Mr. Brail wishes to know, sir, if he'll bend the mainsail 
to-day, as it's blowing rather fresh, and he thinks the spars light ' 

<'< Why, the devil take him, he would not have us go out in & 
hurricane ; surely. Pipes, we could not takex)ut ladies to-day ?' 

^ < Oh, bless your heart, yes,sir ; it blows a nit, to be sure, but she'e^ 
a good sea-boat, and we can run for Arklow or the Hook, if it 
comes fresher. ' 

<< ' Oh, nonsense, there's no pleasure in that ; besides Pm sure 
they won't like it—the ladies won't venture, you'll see.' 

<<<Ay,sir,but they're all on board already: there's eight ladiee 
in the cabin, and six on deck, and as many hampers of victuale 
andasmucherockeryas ifvewetea-goin'toMadeinu Capliia 



•V cMmnomis 'fur* babet &ewuB<|«»i. 



Omndiam, sor^ the soUier offioer, widi the Mg baaid, is a settziqg 
foaeh in the grog4ub/ 

^^Fiom th« eoose^ulsncef of this day I j^odaim ngpaelf iiumk 
(OMit,^ said I wkh a salesm v^ioB, as I drew on my duck tacowwt^ « 
and prepared to set out. 
^Aodjhe n.d.«il,sir/«id the -wid, not unde,jta»d«« 

^ <I csM not whidi/ «aid I»doggfediy ; ^ad or part ia Chis wiUU 
fnaeeodinf I^U not take.'' 

^<Ay^ ay, sir/ said the 8tai»d wrekhf ^then I'll say you^ 
MmiDg, and he may stretch the large canvass; for the skipper 
aays he likes a vet jacket when he has geatleoien out.' 

^ Never did a victim pat on a flame-coloured garment, the emr 
Ucm of fate, and set out on the march of death, with a heavier 
Imrt, than did I put on my pilot-coat that m<»ning to join my 
fiiends. 

^ * My last hope deserted me as I saw the little vessel lying beside 
Ae quay ; for I continued to trust that in getting out from the do<^ 
aeane aiccident or mischance might occur to spoil our sport, fiot 
no; there Ae lay rolling and« pitching in such a way that, even at 
anchor, they could not stand on the deck without holding* Amid 
the torrent of compliments for the perfection of aU my arrange- 
]Bents,a»d innumerable sweet things on my taste in the decoration 
and fitting up of my cabin, I scarcely felt myself afloat for some 
minutes, .and we got under way amid a noise and uproar that 
absolii^ely prevented the jpoesibility of drought 

^ Hitherto our destination had not been mentioned, and as ail 
ihe party appealed to Lady Agnes, I could not be less gallant, and 
Joined them in their request 

^ < Well, then, what do you think of Lambay ?' said she, looking 
Jtf tfa^e same moment towards the skipper. 

^< We can make it my lady,' said the man, 'but we'll liavo a 
longhish sea of it, for tiiere's a stroi^ point of westward in the 
wind.' 

<* * Then don't think of it,' said. I. * We hav^come out for plea* 
MTB, not to make out friends aick, or terrify /them^ It does vary" 
well for \is men.' ^ 

** * There you are, Dirk, with your insolent sneers about women'a 
nerves and female cowarctice. Now, nothing but Lambay wiU 
eonlent roe— what say yeii, ladies ?' 

'< A general reply oC approval m^ this speedi, and it was earned 
ty acdamation. 

^Xiambay then bo jjt,^ said I, with the voiee of a man, who^ 
entreating to be shot, is informed that he cannot be a&rded that 
]ileflH5Ui«, as his sentence is to be hanged But I must hasten 
over these painful recollections. We dropped down (he river, and 
aacsi left the tight-house find its long pier behind us, the mast 
aending like a whip, and the s^ boiling like barm over th^ lee 
ifteiwide. StiU Ibe i^irii of our pany loafy rose the hghtej^ aa4 



MS 



w$Omg tet eoiogiei tipan tfa« 111011 loid fia3ii|g<»f the ovsft 1 
«! oa «U skies ; the din and buz2 of tbe conreisstinn w«iit ^oa 
•idf anore loudly and less restrii^edlf tbaa if the }MUtf iud beelst on 
shore, and all, ^eiwa myselfy seemed happy, for up to this mooMBt 
I iiad fK)t been sea-'sick, yet certain pleasaat sensations, that ahier- 
■atety evkioed tiieniselFes in my stoFmaah and my head, waraed 
asB of what was ,in store for me. The W4nrd was now given ^ 
taek j I was in the act «f essayinga oofi iqieeoh to Lady Agnes^ 
irtiea $bB crmibttnded ery of 'seady ahon^ starboacd there, let go 
sheets and tacks, stand by, tairi.^ inie vessel plunged liead foie^ 
most into ^haboilic^ sea, n^jiicfa hissed oa <either bov; tbehearf 
hsomsiviing erer, carrying my hat along with it-— aiiid ahnoat mf 
head too. The rest of the party, possibly better infoomed than 
myself^ speedily dianged their places io the opposite side of ihs 
beat, vbile I remained hokhttg etf &st by the ^imwafe, till the sea^ 
mhia; over "wbat was now baccsUne ^e lee-side, carried me bead 
over heels into shingle ballast in the waist. Lord, liow they dtid 
kugh. Agnes, too, who never before c&M get beyond a, .very 
ftait smile, grew almo^ hysterical at my perforBBaoee. As for aas^ 
I only waal»d this to complete my long threatened mssfortnne; sea 
sioiBness, in all its most miserlUe forms, set in upon me, and, ess 
half an henir, i lay open that heap of small stones, as indifimiit 
$a all nMnid and about me, <as thongh I were dead. Ob, the k)og^ 
dmary hours of that mefawcholy day ; it seemed like a year. 'Hief 
Isoked and tscksd,they were beat md lacked again, the sea wash«* 
ing over me, and the ruffianly sailors trampling upon me witfaoat 
the slightest xemorse, whenever th^y had any occasion to pass 
hade m- forwanL Prmn my long tmnoe of suffering I was fNirtly 
roused by the steiraid shaking my shoulder, saying, 

<< < The gentlemen wish to know^sir, if yoa'd like smnmal to^eat^ 
as tbey.'rea gioin to have a morsel; we are getting into slack water 



" * Where are we ?' I replied, in a sepulchral '- 

^*<Mf the Hook, air ; we bare had a moBt splendid nin^ but I 
fear we'll ^aleh it soon; theise^isome dirty weather to the. wrest 
ward/ 

^ <Ood grant it,' said I, piously^ and in a low lone. 

'< < Did you say youM have a bite to eat, sir ?' 

^ * No !^-eat ! — am I a cannibal ? — eat^-go away-Hnarkme,my 
gomi fellow, I'll pay you your wages, if aver we get ariiore ; yoa'U 
ttsver set another foot aboard with me.' 

^ The man looked perfectly astounded as he moved away, and 
tny thoughits were soon engrossed by the proceedings nentf ma. 
The rattle of knives, and the jingling of plates and glaaKs weot , 
ma viery briskly for some time, accompatiied by various pleassttt 
observations of my guests, for sueh I judged them^ from the mtrdi 
which ever followed them. At last I thought I heard my nanat, ' 
or at least what they pleased to use as its substitute, mentidned ; I 
stasuied^ny ears fa<li8l«Dy«ttdilearoed thai they ware^planmng to 

2 M 



874 ooKVBssiavs of oabiy tos«fiavsx< 

talk <nrer the ptetended intention to run for Cowes, and see the 
r^tta. This they discussed then for about twenty minutes, in a 
loud Yoioe, purposely to see its effects upon me ; but as I was now^ 
aware of the trick, I gave no sign of any intell^ence. 

^ < Poor Dirk,' said Grantham ; < I believe by this tim$ he cares 
very little which way her head lies, but here comes something bet- 
ter than all our discussions. ^ Lady Agnes, sit here — ^Miss Pelham, 
hare's a dry cushion for 3rbu— did you say a wing, L^dy Mary ?' 

<<Now began the crash and clatter of dinner; champagne corks 
popping, gla^s ringing, and all that peculiar admixture of fracas 
and fun which accompanies a scrambled meal. How they did 
laugh and eat, ay, and drink too. G.'s punch seemed to have ijEs 
success, for sick as I was, I could perceive the voices of the mea 
grow gradufilly louder, and discovered that two gentlemen who 
had been remarkably timid in the morning, and scarcely opened 
their lips, were now rather uproariously given, and one even pro- 
posed to sing. 

^ If any man, thought I, were to look for an instant at the little 
seeaie now enacting here, what a mon^ might he reap from it ; talk 
of the base ingratitude of the world, you cannot say too much of 
it Who would suppose that it was my boat these people were 
assembled in ; that it was my champagne these people were drink-* 
ing; that my venison and my pheasants were feeding those lips^ 
which rarely spoke, except to raise a jest at my expense. My 
chagrin increased my sickness, and my sickness redoubled my 
chagrin. 

*< * Mr. Brail,' said I, in a Iqw whiq[>er> < Mr. Brail' 

'< ^ Did you speak, sir ?' said he, with about as mudi surprise ill 
his manner, as though he had been ad<hressed by a corpse. 

<* * Mr. Btaii/ said I, * is there any danger here ?' 

^ ^ Lord love you, no, sir, she's walking Spanish, and the sea 
going down ; we shall have lovely weather, and they're all enjoy- 
ing it, sir — ^the ladies.' 

« * So I perceive,' said I, with a groan ; * so I perceive ; but, Mr» 
Brail, could you do nothing— just to — ^to — startle tb^m a little, I 
mean for fun only ? Just ship a heavy sea or two : I don't care lor 
a little damage, Mr. Brail, and if it were to wash on&t the dinner- 
service, and all the wine, I should not like it worse.' 

<<< Why, sir, you are getting quite funny, the sickness is going.' 

***No, Mr. Bmil, worse than ever; my head is in two pieces^ 
and my stomach in the back of my mouth ; but I should like you 
to do this-HSK) just manage it, will you, and there's twenty pounds 
m my pocket-book, you can have it ; there now, won't you oblige 
me?— and hark' ye, Mr. Brail— if Captain Grantham were to 6e 
washed over by mere accident, it cannot be helped ; accidents are 
always occurring in boating parties. Go now, you know what I 



^< But, sir,' began he. 

^< Well, then, Mr. Brail, you won't— ^my ^(^ : now all I have 



convi&saiairs ot SARar Lomm^Mn. WS 

to say is this : that the moment £ caa find strei^b to do it, Pll staire 
oat a plank ; I'll scuttle the vessel, that's all ; I have made up tof 
mind, and look to yourselves now." 

«'< Saying these words, I again threw myself upon the ballast^ 
and, as the gay chorus of a drinking song was wsufted across me, 
prayed devoutly that we might all go down to the bottc^n. The 
soiig over, I heard a harsh, gruff voice mixing with the more 
civilized tones of the party, and soon perceived that Mr. Brail was 
recounting my proposal amid the most uproarious shouts of laugh- ^ 
ter I ever listened to. Then followed a number of pleasant sug- 
gestions for my future management; one proposing to have me^ 
tried for mutiny, and sentenced to a ducking over the side, another 
that I should be tarred on my back, to which latter most humane 
notion the fair Agnes subscribed, averring that she was resohred 
upon my deserving my sobriquet of Dirk Hatteraick, My wnih 
was now the master even of deadly siclmess. | got upon my knees, 
and having in vain tried to reach my legs, I struggled aft In this 
posture did I reach the quarter-deck. What my intention pre- 
cisely was in this excursion, I havo no notion of now, but I have 
some vei^y vague idea, that I meant to re-aet the curse of Eehamft 
upon the whole party. At last I mustered strength to rise ; but 
alas ! I had scarcely reached the standing position, when a tremea- 
dous heel of the boat to one side, threw; me into the gunwale, and 
before I was. able to recover my balance, a second lurch pished 
me headlong into the sea. I have, thank God, no fiurther reooUeo- 
tion of my misfortunes. When I again became conscious I found 
myself wrapped up in a pilot-coat, while my clothes were drying : 
the vessel was at anchor, in Wexford. My attached Mends bad 
atatted for town with post-hprses, leaving me no less cured of love 
than aquatics. . * 

<< The < Delight' passed over in a few days to some more favoused 
son of Neptune, andl hid my shame and my misfortunes by a year's 
tour on the continent." 

<< Although I acknoVledge,'^ said Trevanion, ^^that hitherto I 
have reaped no aid from Mr. O'Leary's narrative, yet I think it is 
not without a moral" . * 

<<Well, but," said I, '<he has got another adventure to tell us; 
we have quite time for it, so pray pass the wine and let us havB 
it" 

<< I hs^ve just finished the burgundy," said O'Leary, ^< and if you 
will ring for another flW, I have no objection to let you hear tfaa 
story of my second love." * 



#,;" -; .. .J? » '. ;. 



VVd iiwiiwiuiis 'W mAamr LO Motfii P j ML 



CHAPTER XXXIV. 

MB* O^lXaXt's SBCOITD X^TX. 

^ You nmy ^sSy mifppoBBf^* began Mr. (HLeary, << Aialt tlie im* 
iMippy tenninatioii «of ny finst passion served as a shield to me for 
' a long time against my mifortuuaie tendeodes towards t^ &ir - 
and such was really the case. I never spoke to a young lady for 
Avee years after, without a reeling ki my head, so associated in 
aoy mind, was love and sea^ekoess. liowerer, at last what will 
waft time do. It was aboot four years from the <late of this ad^en- 
ten, when I^became so, from oMivion of my former failm*e, as 
jq^in to tempt my fortune. My present choice, in every way un- 
like the last, was a gay, lively gid, of great animal spirits, and a 
mnsidertble torn for raillery, that spared no one ; the members of 
hoi own family .were not even.sacied in her eyes; and her father, 
a reverand dean, as firaqnently figured among the ludicrous aslns 
neighbours. 

<< The Everriiams had been very old friends of a rich aunt of 
ame, who never, by the by, had condescended to notice me till I 
aoade their acquaintance; bat no sooner had I done so, than she 
sent for me, and gave me to understand that in the event of my 
suoeeeding to the hand of Fanny Eversham, I should be her heir 
and the possessor of about sixty thousand pounds. She did not 
fliop here ; but by canvassing the dean in my favour, speedily pnt 
the matter on a most favourable footing, and in less than two 
-months I was received as the accepted suitor of the fair Fanny^ 
Aaa one of the reigning belles of Ihiblin. 

" They lived at this time, about three miles from townj in a very 
^nfttf country, where I used to pass ail my mornings, and many 
•f n^ evenings too, in a state of happiness that I shonld have 
considered perfect, if it were not for two unhappy blots — one, the 
taste of my betrothed for laughing at her friends; another the dia- 
boticai propensity of my ifitended father^in4aw to talk politics ; to 
the former I could submit; but with the latter submission only 
made bad worse; for be invariaJbly drew^up as I receded, dryly 
oos^rving that with men who had no avowed opinions, it was ilt- 
agreeing ; or that, with persons who kept their poHl^cs as a school- 
boy does his pocket-money, never to spend, and always ready to 
change, it was unpleasant to dispute. Such taunts as these I sub- 
mitted to, as well I might ; secretly resolving, that as 1 now knew 
the meaning of whig and tory,.rd contrive to spend my life, after 
marriage, out of the worthy dean's diocese. ' 

" Time wore on, and at length, to my most pressing solicitations, 
U was conceded- that a day for our marriage should be appointed* 



Not evqntfas ttidudky temnination of this m]p second loiiBe^afittrQBB 
d«|mT;e me of the happy souvenir of the few weeks wtuch wcsr&tP 
XBlervene belbraour destined union. 

^'^ The mornings were passed in xansacking- all the shops wbeia 
wc^dding finery could be proGuredh-«>laees, blondes^ Veltets^ anA 
•ss^S) littered evDeiy ei^rnec of the deanery^-^-^nd there was.9earcel|r 
a., carriage in. a coach-^maker^S} yard in* the cily iimJk 1 had not sei, 
aodl jumped in> to try the ^mngs, by the speoial direction of Msgl 
Byersham^ who never ceased ta impressmewithitfae awful resp<Hi»- 
sibility I was about to< take upcm me, in marrying so great a priae 
as her daughter — a feeling I found very general amos^ many of 
my fri^ids at* the Kildajre-stceet dbb. 

*^ Among th^ many indispensaJile pumhaaes which I was ta 
make^ and about which Fanny expressed herself more* than «0Bk«« 
nnmlj anxious, was a saddlis-horse fer me. She was a great horse- 
vtftmBhy and hated riding with only a senrant; and liad given mt. 
toi vnderstand as much about half-^Hdozea timee each day fer the 
last five weeks. How shall I acknowledge it-^-^questiianism was 
never my forte. I had all m^r life conside(mblei»fl|)eet for the horse 
as aux animal, pretty much, as I dmadad a lion oj? a tiger ; but as te 
any intention of mounting upon fihe baek of one, and taking a ride^ 
I should ae soon have dreamed of taking an airing vpon a gira&;^ 
and as to tho' thought of baying, feeding, and maintaining such a 
beast at my own proper cost, I should just astsoon hanre determined 
te irurchase a pillory or a duqking-stool^ by way of amuaittg my 
leisure hours. . ^ 

^^ However, Fanny was obstinate--*^whethe]^ A^ suspected any 
tlaag Of not I' cannot say — ^but nothing seemed to tmrn her from » 
hen purpose ; and although I pleaded a thousand things ia delay^ 
yet she grew each day more impalaent, and at laet I saw there wee 
nothing fer it buit to submit. 

^ When I arrived at this last bold resolve, I ootM not hdp 
feeling thet to possess- a horse, and not be able te moimt him, was 
only defeorring the ridicule ^ and as I had so often expressed thedifi* 
ficulty I felt in suiting myself as a cause of my dela^y, I eouM not 
possibly come forward with any thing very objectiwiable, or I 
should be only the more laughed at. There w>as, theii» but oee 
course to take ; a fortnight stiU intervened before the day whichi 
wae to make me happy, and I accordin^y resolved to tahe lessoae. 
in riding during the intervals, and by every endeavour in my pawer 
become, if possible, able to pass muster on the saddle before mgp 
bride. 

^ Poor okl Lalouette understood buit little of the urgency of the 
case, when I requested nis leave to take my lessons each mocnieg 
at six o^cloek, for i dared net absent myself (toing the day wilhh 
out exciting suspicion ; and never, I will vmture to assert, did 
knight^errant of old strive harder for the hand of Ms ledy-leve than 
HA I during that weary fortni^t; if ahipfogriff had been the 
a&tmal I bestrode, instead of Iming,. as it was, an M waiUey^ 
24 



ST8 cosvxfMiom or habrt lobbs^veb. i 

gray 9 I could not have felt more misgivings at my temerity, or 
more proud of my achievement. In the first three days the unao 
customed exercise proved so severe, that when I reached the dean* 
^ry I could hardly move, and crossed the floor pretty much as a> 
pair of compitsses might be supposed to do if performing that ex- 
ploit Nothing, however, could equal tfie londness of my poor, 
dear mother-in-law in embryo, and even the dean too. Fanny, 
indeed, said nothing ; but I rather think she was disposed to giggle 
a little; but my rheumatisin, as it was called, was daily inquired 
after, and I was compelled to take some infernal stuff in my port- 
wine, at dinner, that nearly made me sick at table. 

<^ ^ I am sure you walk too much,' said Fanny, with one of her 
knowing looks. * Papa, don't you think he ought to ride ; it would 
be much better for him.' 

^ < I do, my dear,' said the dean. * But then you see he is so 
hard to be pleased in a horse. Tour old hunting days have sj^oiled 
you ; but you must forget Melton and Granthwi, and condescend 
to keep a hack.' 

^ I must have looked confoundedly foolish here, for Fanny never 
took her eyes off me, and continued to laugh in her own wicked way. 
<' It was now about the ninth or tenth day of my purgatorial per- 
formances; and certainly, if there be any merit in fleshly mortifi- 
cations, these religious exercises of mine should stand my part 
hereafter. A review had been announced in the Phoenix park^ 
which Fanny had expressed herself most desirous to witness; and 
as the dean would not permit her to go without a chap^on, I had 
no means of escape, and promised to escort her. No sooner had I 
-made this rash pledge, than I hastened to my confidential friend, 
Lalouette, and having imparted to him my entire secret, asked him 
in a sdomn and imposing manner, 'Can I do it?' The old man 
shook his head dubiously, looked grave, and muttered at length, 
* Mosch depend on de horse.' ' I know it — I know it — ^I fe^l it,' said 
I, eagerly — ^'then where are we to find an animal that will carry 
me peaceably through this awful day — I care not for his price ?' 
" < Votre affaire ne sera pas trop ch6re,' said he. 
« < Why, how do you mean ?' said I. 

t< He then proceeded to inform me, that by a singularly fortunate 
chance, there took place th^t day an auction of 'cast horses,' as 
they are termed, which had been used in the horse police force ; 
8tod that from long riding and training to stand fire, nothing' could 
be more suitable than one of these ; being both easy to ride, and 
not given to start at noise. 

'* I could have almost hugged the old feljow for his happy sug- 
gestion; and waited with impatience for three o'clock to come, 
when we repaired together to Eissex-bridge, at that time the place 
selected for these sales. 

'' I was at first a little shocked' at the look of the animals drawn 
up ; they were most miserably thin — ^most of them swelled in the 
tegg<-.faw without sore backs — and not one eye, on an average. 



C0HFCS8IPHS 07 BABBT XORJUM^WB* fl7# 

HI every three ; but still they were all high Meppers, and carried a 
great tail ^There's your affaire/ said the old Frenchman^ as& 
long-legged fiddle-headed beast was led out ; turning out his fore- 
legs so as to endanger the nitan who walked beside him. 

<^ < Yes, there's blood for you/ said Charley Dycer, seeing my eye 
fixed on the wretched beast; < equal to fifteen stone with aiy fox- 
hounds; safe in all his paces, and warranted sound; except,' added 
he, in a whisper, <a slight spavin in both hind legs,, ring bone, and 
a little touched in the wind.' Here the animal gave an approving 
cough. < Will any gentleman say fifty poimds to begin V But no 
gentleman did. A hackney-coachman, however, said five, and the 
sale was opened ; the beast trotting up and down nearly over thev 
bidders at every moment, and plunging on so that it was impossi- 
ble to know what was doing. v , 

« < Five, ten — ^fifteen — six pounds — ^thank you, sir, — guineas'-^ 
< seven pounds,' said I, bidding against myself, not perceiving that 
J had spoken last. ^ Thank you, Mr. Moriarty,' said Dycer, tump- 
ing towards an invisible purdiaser supposed to be in the crowd. 
* Thank you, sir, you'll not let a good one go that way.' Every 
one here turned to find out the very knowing gentleman ; but he 
could no where be seen. 

^^ Dycer resumed, ^ seven ten, for Mr. Moriarty. Groing for 
seven ten — a cruel sacrifice— ^there's action for you — ^playful beast' 
Here the devil had stumbled and nearly killed a basket-pwoman 
with two children. 

« * Eight,' said I, with a loud voice. 

« < Eight pounds, quite absurd,' said Dycer, almost rudely ; a 
charger like that for eight pounds — going for eight pounds — going 
, — ^nothing above eight pounds-puo reiserve, gentlemen, you are 
aware of that. They are all, as it were, his majesty's stud — ^no re- 
serve whatever — ^last time, eight pounds — gone.' ^ 

*^ Amid a very hearty dieer from the mob — ^Grod knows why — 
but a Dublin mob always cheer— I returned, accompanied by a < 
ragged fellow, leading my new purchase after me with a hay halter* 

^ What is the meaning of those letters,' said I, pointing to a very 
conspicuous O. R. with sundry other ehigmatical signs, burned upon ' 
the animal's hind quarter. 

^< < That's to show he was a po-lice,' said the fellow with a grin ; 
^and when ye ride with ladies, ye must turn the decoy side.' 

^^ The auspicious morning at last arrived ; and strange to say, 
that the first waking thought was of the unlucky day that ushered 
in my yachting excursion, four years before. Why this was. so, 
I cannot pretend to guess ; there was but little analogy in the cir- 
cumstances, at least so far as any thing bad then gone. ^How is 
Marius?^ said I to niy servant, as he opened my shutters. Here 
let me mention that a friend of the Kildare-street club bad sug- 
gested this name from the remarkably classic character of my 
steed's countenance; his nose, he assured me, was perfectly Ro- 
wan, 



« «]llaviii»ls donig ftnefy^sir^ hBoaaag Us eough, aai lk€t tferiOii 

r ails his hind lege.' 
« < He'l) carry me quietly^ Siai«D ; eh ?' 
^ < Quietly ! PU warmftt be'U cariy yoo qaietlyv if that's: att.* 
^^Here was comfort, eertainlyi Simon had ttred forty yeaiB as 

riDtry-boy with my mother, and kaew a great deal about Jboflee& 
d^NMKed: myself^ therefintey ia high q)irils; and if my jAhot jaidtaK 
9oA oHiskin c»p^ ia fanner days: had half persuaded am that I waft 
tfom for marine acbievementB, cestainly my cords and tops^ dteifc 
Bsoraing, went far to eMvinee! me* that I must haTe once hem. a 
lievy keen sporteman somew>heve, without knowing sL It waa a 
MightAit July day that I set oqli to join my friend, who, fasving 
reeroited a large pavty, w^re^to vendeOT^uis at the comer of 8te« 
phen's-gffeen, thither proceeded in a certain ambling trot, which I 
have often observed is a vefy fti!vourtit& pace with timid horsemen, 
and genthdmem of the medical f sofessioab I was hailed with a 
most hearty wcteome by a large pavty as^I turned out of Grafton* 
street, among whom I pereeiv^ several friends of MissEverabam, 
and some young dragoon officers, not of my acquaintance, but who 
appeared to kno^w Fi^nny intimately, anl wese laughing heartily* 
"With her as I rode up. 

*^ I dont know if other men have experienced wdat I am about 
to mention or not ; but eertainly to. me there is no more painful 
sensation than to find yourself among a number of well-mounted, 
well-equipped people, while the animal you yourself liestrido 
seems only fit for the kennel. Every look that is cast at your un- 
kioky steed — every whispered observation about you are so many 
liiorns in your fiesb, till at last you begin to feel that your appear 
anee is fot vory little eke than the amusement and mirth of tho 
assembly; and every time you rise.iuyourstirrups you excite a laugh. 

"* Where, for mercy's sake, did you find that creatare?' jMud 
Fanny, surveying Marius through her glass. 

^ < Oh, him, eh ? Why he is a haiadsome horse, if in condition--- 
a charger, you know — that's hk style.' 

^ * Indeed,' iieped a young lancer, * I should be devilish sorry to 
eharge, or be charged with him.' And here they all chuckled at 
this puppy's silly joke, and I drew up to repress further libertiea 

<< < Is he any thing of a fencer ?' i^id a young country gentleman. 

<< < To judge from bis near eye, I should say much mtoxe of a 
boxer,' said another. 

*^ Here commenced a running fire of pleasantry at the expense 
of my poor steed ; which, not content with attacking his physical, 
extended to bis moral qualitiea An old gentleman near me ob* 
serving, < that I ought not to have mounted him at all, seeing ha 
was so damned groggy ;' to which I replied,' by insinuating, thai 
if others present were as free from the influence of ardent spkitsi, 
soeiety would not be a sufferer; an observation that, I flatter my* 
aei^ turned the mhrth against thepld fellow, for they all laughedml 
a quarter of an hour aftei; 



, ^ Wdl^at last we set out in ^ bride ^eo^ eiicl^ fjBeed nearFamT, 
t speedily forgot all my annoyances in the prospect -of figuiang 
to advantage before }ier. When we reached Gollege-greea the 
leaders of the cortege suddenly drew up, and we soon found tbi^^ 
ihe entire street opposite the Bank was filled with a dense n^ob q( 
people^ who appeared to be swayed hither and thither, like 80BBI# 
mighty beast, as the ipdividuals composing it were engaged in, . 
close Qooiflict. It was nothing naore nor less than <Hie of thoi» 
almost weekly rows vrhicb then took place betwe^i tJxe studeols 
of the University and the town's-people, and which rarely eniet 
without serious conseq^twices. The numbers of people pressing 
on to the scene of section soon blocked up our retreat^ and ym 
found ourselves most unwilUng spectators of the inflict Peli- 
ticat watch^words were loudly shouted by eaqh party; and at la^f 
the students, who appeared to be yielding to superior numbM% 
failed out for the intervention of the police. The aid was neavef 
ihan they expeeted ; for at the same instant a body of moun^ 
poUcemen, whose high helmets z^ndejced them sufficiently conspiciib* 
ous, were seen trotting at a sharp pace down Same-street* On they 
G9me with drawn i^abres, led by a weU-4ooking gentlemanlike per- 

Sina^ in plain clothes, who dashed at once into the middle of tbir > 
ay, issuing his orders>4nd pointing out to his followers to seowm 
<he riugleaders. Up to this momenit I had be^n a, most patient and 
rather amused spectator of what was doing. Now, however, v^j 

Sart was to con^exiee, for at the word ^charge,' givea in a bars% 
eep voice by the sergpe^nt of the party, Maxius, remembering hid 
ancient insect, pricked up his ears, cocked his tail, flung up botli 
Ibiis hia(| legs till they nearly broke the Provost's windows, and 
plonged into the thickest of the fray like a devil incarnate. 

<< Self-preservation must be a strong instinct, for I well remeo^ 
ber how little pain it cost me to see the people tumbling and rolUi^ 
tj^efbre and beneath me, while I continued to keep my seat. It WM 
only a moment before, and that immense mass were in man to 
man encounter^ now all the indignation of both parties segued 
lurned upon me; brick-bats were loudly implored, and paying 
stones begged to throw at my devoted head ; the wild huntsmao 
of the German romance never created half the terror, nor on£K 
tenth of the mischief that I did in less than fifteen minutes, foar the 
in-starred beast continued twining and twisting like a serpea|| 
plunging and kicking the entire time, and occasionally biting toa^ 
all which accpmpUshments I afterwards learned, however little in 
request in civil life, are highly prized in the horse police^ , 

^^ Every new order of the sergeant was followed in his own 
fashion by Marins ; who very soon contrived to concentrate in my 
unhappy person, aJl the interest of about fifteen bunded peoples 

^^ < Secure that scoundrel,' said the magistrate^ pointing witb hfti 
finger towards me, as I rode over a respectable looking oki li^Jy 
with a gray mu£ ^ Secuce him. ^ut him dowsk' 

24^ a N 



MB comsssioM or barbt roBEXQtrxs. 

« ' Ah, devU's lack to him, if ye do,* said a nowsmonger with a 
'broken shin.. 

<^0n I went, however ; and now, as the Pates would have it, 
instead of bearing me out of further danger, the confounded brute 
dashed onwards to where the magistrate was standing, surrounded 
by policemen. I thought I saw him change colour as I came on. 
I suppose my own looks were none of the pleasantelst, for the 
worthy man evidently liked them not. Into the midst of them, we 
plunged, upeetting a corporal, horse and all, and appearing as if 
bent upon reaching the alderman. ' 

^* Cut him down for heaven's sake. Will nobody shoot him?' 
said he, with a voice trembling with fear and anger.' 

*^ At these words a wretch lifted up his sabre, and made a cut at 
my head. I stooped suddenly^ and throwing myself from the 
saddle, seized the poor alderman round the neck, and both came 
rolling to the ground together. So completely was he possessed 
with the notion that I meant to assassinate him, that while I was 
endeavouring to extricate myself from his grasp, he continued to 
beg his life in the most heartrending manner. 

« My story is now soon told. So effectually did they rescue the 
alderman from his danger, that they left me insensible ; and I only 
came to myself some days after by finding myself in the dock in 
Green-street, charged with an indictment of nineteen counts ; the 
only word of truth is what lay in the preamble, for the 'devil in- 
citing* me only, would ever have made me the earner of that in- 
fernal beast, the cause of all my misfortunes. I was so stupified 
from my beating, that I know little of the course of th« proceed- 
ings. My friends told me afterwards, that I had a narroV escape 
from transportation ; but for the greatest influence exerted in my 
behalf, I should certainly have passed the autumn in the agreeable 
recreation of pounding oyster shells or carding wool ; and it cer- 
tainly must have gone hard with me, for, stupified as I was, I 
remember the sensation in court, when the alderman made his 
appearance with a patch over his eye. The affecting admonition 
Ctt the little judge — ^who, when passing sentence upon me, adverted 
to the former respectability of my life, and the rank of my rela- 
tives — actually made the galleries weep. 

^ Four months in Newgate, and a fine to the king then rewarded 
my taste for horse-exercise ; and it's no wonder if I prefer going 
on foot. 

'< As to Miss Eversham, the following short note from the dean 
eoiicluded my hopes in that quarter. 

** 'Deamrj, Wednesday numiiiig. 

«*Sir — ^After the very distressing publicity to which your late 
oenduct has exposed you — the so open avowal of political opinion^ 
at vartanc6 with those (I will say) of every gentleman — and the 
recorded sentence of a judge tin the verdict of twelve of your 
countrymen — ^I should hope that you will not feel my preseoi ad 



monition neeessary to in&xm you, HM your Tisits to my bousi 
shall oease. 

'^ ' The presents you made my daughter, when under our unfor^ 
tonate ignoranee of your real character, have been addressed ta 
« your hotel, and I am your most obedient, humble servant. 

" ^ Oliveb Evebsham/ 

^^ Here ended my second afiair ^par iimours ;lAad I freely con- 
fess to you that if I can only obtain a wife in a sea voyage, or a 
Giteeple chase, I am likely to fulfil one great condition in modem 
advertising — ^as having no incumbrance, nor any objection to* 

. travel/ 'V 



CHAPTER XXXV. 



; Mr. O'Lsarv had scarcely concluded the narrative of his second 
adventure, when, the gray light of the breaking day wits seen 
&intly struggling through the half-closed curtains, and apprbing 
us of the iatenciss of the hour. 

^I think we shall just have time for one finishing flask of Cham- 
bertin," said O'Leary, as he emptied the bottle into his glass. 

*<I forbid the bans for one,'V cried Trevanion. "We have all 
had wine enough^ considering what we have before us this mom-^ 
ing ; and besides, you are not aware it is now past four o'dodt. 
So, garden — gargon, there — how soundly the poor fellow sleepEh-' 
let us have some coffee, and then inquire if a carriage is in wait-^ 
ing at the comer of the Rue Vivienne." 

The coffee made its sippearance, very much, as it seemed, to Mr. 
O'Leary's chagrin, who, however, solaced himself by sundry^ 
petits verresy to correct the coldness of the wine he had drank, 
sMid at length recovered his good humour. 

"Do you know now/' said he, after a short pause, in which we 
had all kept silence, " I think what we are about to do, is the very 
Ugliest way of finishing a pleasant evening. For my own part I 
like the wind up we used to have in ^ Old Trinity' formerly; when 
after wringing off half a dozen knockers, breaking the lamps at the 
post-office, and getting out the. fire-engines of W^rburgb's parish, 
we beat a few watchmen and went peaceably to bed.'' 

"Well, not being an Iri*man," said Trevanion, "Pm half dis- 
posed to think that even our present purpose is nearly as favour- 
able to life and limb ; but here comes my servant. Well, John, is 
all arranged, and the carriage Teadf ?" 

Having ascertained that the carriage was in' waiting, and that 



fM aamumiMm MSABrnT 



the omall boz--4vas8 iwnnd^and Braaaagfa4octeed . wp flwcdwithfaiy 

we paid our bill and departed. A cold, raw, misty-looktegtiioni- 
ij^ with Biaases of darkionnng cloiidi owrhead, tuni cbaatiels ot 
dark lUHliiiuirky water beneath, wens Ike pleasant piwpecu wbHsh • 
met us as we issued forth itom tbe Caft. The lamps, whi<Ai hung 
suspeoded midway ftoross the street, (we speak of some years 
since,) creaked, with a low and plaintive sound, as they swung 
bfickwaide and farwardain tfae wind. Not a tetsti^y waeteard 
ie the istreet, ootMBg but tiie bsavy patter of the rain a« it AM 
oeaealieesly upon, the fon»ad pavement, k was, indeed, 4 most da- 
peesscag and disinrhing acoompanivient to our intended earcuraniRr 
and even O'Leary, who seemed to have but slight sympathy wiili 
external influences, felt it, for he spoke bht little, and was scarcely 
ten minutes in the carriage till he was sound asleep. This was, I 
confess, a great relief to -me; for, howe ve r impressed I was, and to 
this hour am, with the many sterling qualities of my poor friend, 
yet, I acknowledge, that this was not precisely the time I should 
have cared for their exercise^ and wotiM h^ve much preferred the 
companionship of a different order of person, even though less long 
acquainted with him. Trevasdon Was, of all others, the most suit- 
able for this purpose : and I felt no embarrassment in opening my 
mi/od freely t& him upon smbfecto which', but twemy^'lbur h&ara 
fpetFiouts. I «ottld not have imparted to a brother. 

There is no soob tmlocker o( the secrets of the heatt as the pos- 
sibly near approach of death. Indeed, I question if a great deal of 
tbe bitterness ihe thought of it inspires, does not depend upon that ' 
very cifcumstanee. TJoe reflection that the loog^reasured mysleiy 
^ont lived (and who is there withocrt some such ?) is about to be- 
ceane knowBy and the secret of onr inmost heart laid bare, is in itself 
dupi easing. Not one kind word, nor one remembrancing adien, to 
tboee we are to leave forever, can be spoken ar written, witfaont 
caUing vp ita own story of half-forgotten griefs, or, stili worse, set 
such' a moment, of happinesa never again to be pattaken of. 
.. *'I cannot explain why,** said I to Trevanion, «but althotrgh it 
hm uafoytuiM^iy been pretty -often my lot to have gone out on 
pjteaaipne like thfc, both as principal and friend, yet never before 
did I feel so completely depressed and low-spirited---and never, m 
fifect,.did so naoy thot^fats of regret arise before me for maeb of the 

poet, attd sorrow 6xt the chance of abandoning the foture '' 

. *^I oan understand/' said Trev»nion> intefruptmg— ** I have 
bimnl of jmiT pross^ct in the Calfonby family, and certainly, with 
eotih h^pee, J can weU conceive how little one wouM be disposed 
ti^ brook the slightest incident which could interfere with their ac- 
complishment; but, now, that yotur cousin Ouy^s pretensions in 
tlml quarter are at an end,^ I suppose, from all I have heard, that 
theve ean be np great obstacle lo yonrs.'^ 

^f Qny's pietenaione at an end f For heaven^s sake, tell me aV 
you know of this aflkir— for up to ilji nioment I am in utter igno^ 



cpmjnm^m W'^ueiwm Mjmmmwtmm. 



family." i 

^« Unfortoftalcjif /' ti^j^lkd TiBTaiiifm, ^ I inmr bat liltie^ buti atill 
dmt iktk » mthemio-^iiy hiinself havmg itnpaitol the secret |b 
a^ wrf dntimattifnend df mine* It appisaffft^then^ Aat yeur coaniii 
having heaMl that the €aUimbft had beea veiyisivii.ta yo«i iDlns^ 
land, and made all manner of ad?aaoe8 M^ yoti-^-tbad done sa tindit 
file impieaaiDatthat youvftte the o/ierneiMiew of Sir Guy, and 
eDnssquentiy^ the heir of a large fartmie«-^that is, Gay Mmself-^-aad 
Iturt they hadjiewr diBeovered the mistake dnring the time ihoy 
iSBsded inlraladod^ when their Kiot only permitted^ but eyen tnooii*^ 
laged die •ciotest iatimacy between yon and Lady Jane. »Ift m 

<< I have long suspeoftad. it Indeed- in no other way can I aot> 
eonut isirtbe'jreception I met vith from iY» CaUonbys. But iis it 
posaUe that Xiidy Jum cMdd b^re lent heiself to a^y thing: tfa 
4iiHvorthy^**«--«-" 

'^Pfeay, hear ne oat/' said TfmraodoD^ who vrns eiridently etmlt 
by the dependency of my voiee and anmer. ^^'Giiy, faavng 
hfisrl of their, mistake, and aogoring weQ to himself from thia crii*- 
ience of their 4iqpiintion, Bo-sooner heard of their arrival is Parii^ 
than he came over here andr-got iBferedueed to diem. Ffom ifaaiC 
line beacaroelljf olrer feft their liousev ieaeept to atccompany them 
Jol0 s9GiBly> «r to tfaa theatres* It j» ssai that with Lady Jane Hb 
made no ptogtam. Her mamMS, at tbe.beginAkig cold and isrw 
maly became daily more so ; until, at last, he was half disposed io 
oftaodoei ^he pncsait^Hu whioii,. by die by, lie has since coofesiied, 
wnsBdr view. entered more thrni any nSactimi for the lady-^^when 
Ihe tfaoitgbt struek him to benoit by what he supposed at firat t» 
iie thfi.great bar ^o hisisoccess. - Heauddenly paretasded to be*cml|r 
doflieotti of intinMioy with Lady Jane, horn hanring heard eo liMidi 
of her from you — affected to be greatly in yoiHr cocifidenee*^-and^ 
m fsiet^ asaaiKied the character of a friend oegnizant of all your 
fselmgs and hopes, and ardently desiring, by eircry means ia has 
power, to advance your views- — ^-'^ . 

<< And was it thus he suoeeedefl'?" I broke in. 

** ^T was thus be eadeavonored to succeed,^' said Trcvaaion. 

^^ Ah,.7Krith what soccess I but too well know,^ said I. '^.My 
unde himself showed me a ietter from Guy^ in which iie absoltxtil- 
iy ispeaks of the af&ir as settled, and talks of Lady Jane as about 
to b« his wife." 

** That may be all quite true ; but a little consddeiaifion of Ouy^s 
tabetics will show what he intended ; for I find that he indiKed yore: 
uncle, by some representations of his, to make the most handsome 
proposals, with regard to the marriage, to (he Callonbys ; and that^ 
to make the story short, nothing but the decided refusal of Lady 
Jane, who at^ length saw through his entire game, prevented tho- 
match." 



' ^ And tbeh abe did reAise^im V^^BtiA I, wi^ ^ropraMd «nl* 
tation. 

. . ^ Of tbat thdre can be tio doubt ; fot mdependentl jr of all the gos- 
o}) and quizzing upon the subject, to which Guy was exposed in 
the poteries, he made little secret of it himself— openly avowing that 
he did not consider a repulse a defeat, and that be reserved to sus^ 
tain the siege as vigorously as ever/' ^ 

Howeter interested I felt in all Trevanton was tiling me, I 
could not help falling into a train of tbinking on my first acquaint* 
anoe with the Callqnbys. There are, perhaps, but few things 
more humiliating than the knowledge that any attention or consi* 
deration we have met with, has been paid us in mistake for 
another ; and in the very proportion that they were prized before, 
axe ihey detested when the tru& is known to us. 
; To all the depressing influences these thoughts si:^e8ted, came 
the. healing balm thae Lady Jane was true to me — that she, at 
least, however others might be biassed by worldly considerations-*?- 
liiat she cared for me — for myself alone. My reader (alas ! for 
my diiaracter for judgment) knows upon how little I founded Ae 
conviction ; but I have often, in these confessiiMis, avowed my fail-- 
ingjpar exceHenee, to be a great taste for self*deception ; and here 
was a capital occasion for its indulgence. 

i ^We shall have abundant time to discuss this later on,'' said 
'^evanion, laying his hand upon my shoulder to rouse my waa- 
derii^g attentiou'-^'^ fore now I perceive, we have only eight minutes 
^ spare." 

,: As he spoke, a dragoon officer,, in an undress, rode up to the 
.'Window of the carnage, and looking steadily at our party for a few 
(Seconds, asked if we were ^Memeurs lea Jinglais^^^ and, almost 
iwithottt waiting for a reply, added, <<You had better not go asy 
.farther in your carriage, for the next turn of the road wiU bring 
you in sight of the village," 

We accordingly stopped the driver, and having widx i^me diffi- 
'eulty aroused O^Leary, got out upon the road. The miliiaire 
here gave his horse to a groom, and proceeded to guide us through 
a corn-field by a narrow path, with whose windings and crossings 
he appeared quite conversant. We at length Teached the brow of 
a little hill, from which an extended view of the country lay be- 
fore us, showing the Seine winding its tranquil course between the 
.Tiohly tilled fields, dotted with many a pretty cottage. Turniqg 
abruptly from this point, our guide led us, by a naxrow and steep 
path, into a little glen, planted with poplar and willows. A smaU 
stream ran through this, and by the noise we soon detected that 
a* mill was not far distant, which another turning brought us at 
once in front of. * . 

And here I cannot help dwelling upon the " tableau^^ which 
met our view. In the porch of the little rural mill sat two gentle- 
men, one of whom I immediately recognised as the person who 
had waited upon me, and the other I rightly conjectured to be my 



Ii4^^^e|8ary. BefiwQ tb#m j^ood a smaU taUei. coreied vith; «, iflipoi^ 

less napkin, upon which a breakfast equipage ^as spread — atnost 
mviting melan and a long, sleitder-ncK^ed bottle^ reposing in a little 
ice-paiiy forming part of the ^,^mat&rieV^ My opponent was 
coolly enjoying bis cigar^-^ half-finished cup of coffee iky beside 
jbim. — iiis friend was pccupied in examining the caps of the dueU 
ling pistols, which were placed upon a chair. No sooner had .we 
turned the angle which brought us in view, than they both rose, 
and taking off their hats with much courtesy, bade us good mom- 
iag. 

^^ May I offer you a cup <^ coffee,'' said Monsieur Oerigny to 
me, as \ came up, at the same time filling it out, and pushing over 
a little flask of Cognlac towards me. 

A look ficom Trevanion decided my acceptance of the proff(»ed 
civility, and I seated my^self in \he chair beside the baron. IVe- 
yanion meanwhile had engaged my adversary in conversatimi 
along with the stranger, who had been our guide^ leaving O'Leaxf 
alone unoccupied, which, however, he did not long remain ^.for^ 
although uninvited by the others, he seized a knife and fork, and 
commenced a vigorous attack upon a partridge pie near him; andj 
with, equal absence of ceremony, uncorked the champagne and 
filled, out a foaming goblet, nearly one4hird of the whole bottle^ 
adding — 

. ^ I thiiik, Mr. Lorrequer, there's nothing like showing them dial; 
we are just as cool and unconcerned as themselves." 

If I might judge from the looks of the party,,a happier mode of 
convincing them of our ^^free-and-easy" feelings could not possi* 
My have been discovered. From any mortification this proce^dbig 
might have caused me, I was speedily Telle ved by Trevanion calf 
ing O'Leary to one side, while he expla^ined to him that he must 
nominally act as second on the ground,- as Trevanion, being a 13^ 
sident in Paris, might become liable to a prosecution, should an]r 
Ifaing serious arise, while O'Leary, as a mere passer through, could 
cross the firontier into Germany, and hvoid all trouble. 

O'Leary at once acceded — ^perhaps the more readily beoauEle ha 
expected to be allowed to return' to Ins breakfast — but in this he 
isoon found himself mistaken, for the whole party now rose, and 
preceded by the baron, followed the course of the little stream. 

After about five minutes' walking, We found ourselves at the out- 
let of the glen, which was formed by a large stone quarry, making 
a species of amphitheatre, with lofty walls of rugged granite, rising 
thirty or forty feet on either side of us. The ground was smootn 
and level as a boarded floor, and certainly to amateurs in these sort 
pf matters, presented a most perfect spot for a " meeting." 

The stranger who had just joined us, could not help remarking 
our looks of satisfaction at the choice of .ground, and observed ^ 

<" This is not the first affaij: t^t i)iis Utae ^^ 



Ito^BMiditiit of St CkMdd ia^ I Hiiak At reryhesi'meer Ao&t 

' Trevanioa, irho^ during tbete few miantes, had been engagaft 
i»i1h Derigny, now drew me aside. 

^ Well, Lonrequer, have yon any reooHeetion bow of harisig seen 
your opponent before? m can you make a guese at the wwoq 
ofattthis?" 

« Never tUl this instant/' said I, ^have I beheld him/' as I look 
ed towards the tatl^ stdutly-btiill figure of my adversary, who was 
very leisurely detaching a cordon from his tightly fitting frock, 
douMess to prevent its attracting my aim. 
' ^ Welly never mind^ I shall manage every thing properly. What 
can you do with the small sword, for they have rapiers at the mill?* 
'. * Nottiing whatever ; I have not fenced since I was a boy.''* 

'< N'importe — then we^ll fight at a barritrt. I know they're not 
yrspared lor that from Englishmen; so just step on one side now, 
md leave me to talk it over." 

As the limited nature of the ground did nbt permit me tp retire 
io a distance, I became involuntarily aware of a dialogue, which 
099m, die seriousness of the moment oouM scarcely keep me from 
boghing at outright 

It was necessary, for the sake of avoidii^ asy posaiUe legal dii^ 
ficulty in the result, that O'Leary should give his assent to every 
Mip of the arrangement) and being totally ignorant of French, TVe- 
▼anion had not only lo transSate for him, but also to render ift 
jeply O'Leary's own oammeiilsi>r objections to the propositions 
ol the othevs. 

^Then It is agreed^-we aght at a barrth'eV^taiA Captain Be^ 
rfgoy. 

<« What's that, IHfevanion?'' 
u *^ We have agreed to pkce them at a barritre,^' replied Tmv»- 
«ion. 

<< That's strange/' muttered OliCaryto himself, who, knowing 
that the word meant a ^Hurnpike," never supposed it had smy other 
siKaMfiiation. 

^ Vingt quatre pas, n'est pas?" said Derigny. 

^Too far," interposed Trevanion. 

"What does he say now?" asked O'Leary. 
' ^Twenty-four paces for the distance." 

. « Twenty-four of my teeth he means," said O'Leary, mapping 
Iris fingers. "What does he thmk of the length of Sackyille-stieet? 
Arit him that, will ye ?" 

•* What says Monsieur ?" said the Frenchman. 

"He thinks the distance much too great." 

^*He may be mistaken," said the captain, half sneeringly. " My 
friend in <de la premiere force.' " 

"That must be something impudent from your looks, Mr. T» 
^HMdoD. Istt't it a dMosaad pities I can't speak French?" 



J •'VPRal saw T6U, then, ta twtlre pnscek} Vm togetfier, knd ttrd 
M6«i each, ff thcftrirt fite'be incotidiisivfe/* said Trevanion. ' • 

<»4twl if necessdry,^ added iJie Frenchman, carelessly, «concIudte 
uriA these*^ — touching Ihe swords with his foot, as he spoke. 

^* The choice of the weapon lies wifli us, I opine,^' replied TVe- 
tftfiion. '^^ We hare already named pistols, and by them we shjJl 
decide this matter."* 

it was at length, after irtnumerahle ohjections, kgr§ed npoh thai 
we should be placedrt)ack to back, and at a word given, each walk 
ftrward to a certain distance marked out by a stone, where we 
were to halt, and at the signal "une,''**deux,"^turn round and 
fire. 

This, Which js essehtklly a French indention in duelling^ was 
jerftctTy new to me, but by no means so to Trevanion, who was 
Mly aware of the immense consequence of not giving even a mo- 
mentary opportunity for aim to my antagonist ; and in this mode 
of firing, the most practised and deadly shot is Hable to err — par- 
ticularly if the signal he given quickly. 

White Trevanion and the captain were measuring out the ground, 
a Ifttle circumstance which was enacted near me was certainly not 
oyer calculated to strengthen my nerve. The stranger who had 
led ns to the gronndhad begun to examine the pistols, and findiq^ 
^ tfcat one of tf:^m was loaded, turned towards my adversary, saying, 
<* D'Haulpenne, yt>u have forgotten to draw the charge. Come, 
let us see what vein you are in.** At the same time, OTa^tng dff 
Ms large cavalry gteve, he handed die pistot to his friend. 

^ A double "mpoleon yon don't hit the thumb.** 

'^DonV* ^id the other, at^usting the weapon in his hand. ' 

The action was scarcely performed, when the. better flung the 
gWe into the air with alf his force. My opponetit taised his pt^ 
tol, waited for an ihstant, tHI the glore, having attained its greatest 
height, turned to fall again. Then cfick went the trieger — ^the 
glove turned round and round half-a-dozen times, and fell about 
twenty yards off, and the thumb was found cut clearly off at the ' 
juncture with the hand. 

TTiis — ^which did not occupy half as long as I have spent in 
recounting it— was certainly a .pleasant introduction to standing at 
fifteen yards from the principal actor; and I should doubtless 'lmV6 
felt it in all its force, had not my attention been drawn off by the 
ludicrous, expffession 6f grief ^in 0*Leary*s countenance, who evi- 
dently regarded me as already defunct. 

^ Now, Lorrequer, we are ready,*' said Trevanion, coming for 
ward ; and then, lowering his voice, added,'** All is in your favour; 
I have won the * word,* which I shall give the moment you halt. 
So turn and fire at once : be sure not to.go too far round in the 
turn — ^that is the invariable error in this mode of firing ; only no 
hurry — ^be calm.** 

" Now, messieurs,** said Derlgny, as he approached with his 
I^Bd leanii^g upon his arm, and placed him in ttie spot allotted 
25 . «0 



8M Quoirvpwnoiis ov. MAmur UAuaiPP* 

Jiim.. TroTwioQ then took wj anD,and placed 109 back to baek 
to my antagoniat. As I took up n^y ground, it po chaiiced tbaimjr 
adversary's spur slightly grazed me» upon which he inuoediately 
turned round, and, with the most engaging smile, begged a <^thoi»> 
sand pardons," and hoped I was not hurt. 
' O'Leary, who saw the incident, and guessed the ^tion aright, 
called out — « 

<' Oh, the cold-blooded Tillain ; the devil a chance for you, Mr. 
Lorrequer/'* j^ 

*^ Messieurs, your pistols,'' said Le Capitame la Garde, who, as 
he handed the weapons, and repeated once more the conditions of 
the combat, gave the word to march. 

. I now walked slowly forward to the place marked out by the 
stone ; but it seemed that I must have been in advance of my 
opponent, for I remember some seconds elapsed before Trevanion 
coughed slightly, and then with a clear full voice called out '^ Uw^^ 
^^DeuxJ^ I had scarcely turned myself half round^ when my riglit 
arm was suddenly lifted up, as if by a galvanic shock. My pistol 
jerked upwards, and exploded the same moment, and then dropped 
powerless from my hand, which I now felt was covered with 
warm blood from a wound near the elbow. From the acute, but 
momentary pang this gave me, my attention was soon called off; 
for scarcely had my arm been struck, when a loud, clattering noise 
to my left induced me to turn, and then, to no^y astonishment, I 
'eaw my friend O'Leary about twelve feet from ttie ground, hang* 
ing on by some ash twigs that grew from the clefts of the granite. 
Fragments of broken rock were falling around him, and his own 
position momentarily threatened a dcwnfjptU. He was screaming 
with all his might f but what he said was entirely lost in the shouts 
of laughter of Trevanion ^ind the Frenchman, who could scarcely 
Mand with the immoderate exuberance of their mirth. 

I had not time to run to his aid — whictf, although wpunded, I 
jshouldhave done-^when the branch he clung to, slowly yielded 
with his weight, and the round, plump figure of my poor friend 
rolled over the little cleft of rock, and, after a few faint struggles, 
came tumbling heavily down, and at last lay peaceably in the deep 
lieather at the bottom — ^his cries the whole time being loud enough 
to rise even above the vociferous laughter of the others. , > 

I now ran forward, as did Trevanion,, when O'L^ary, turning 
his eyes towards me, said, in the most piteous manner— 

" Mr. Lorrequer, I forgive you — here is my hand — ^bad luck to 
their French way of fighting, that's all — ^it's only good for killing 
one's friend, I thought I was safe up there, come what might" 

'* My dear O'Leary," said I, in an agony, which prevented my 
minding the laughing faces around me, " surely you don't mean to 
say that I have wounded you .?" 

" No, dear, not wounded, only killed me outright — through the 
brain it nmst be, from the torture I'm suffering." . "4 

. Th^ ^\lQ}^t i^itb w^c^ ^hi« 3pee9h was. recejiy^^ suffidentilt 



U&meiim^f wJiUe TroTanion^ widi a voice neaily dtoiked wMi 
kughter, 9aid — 

« Why, tiorrequer, did you not see thai your pistol, on being 
strode, threw your ball high upon the quarry? fortunately^ bow- 
ever, about a foot and a half above Mr. O^Leary^; head, wbote 
most serious woiinds are his scratched hands and bruised bones 
from his tumble." \ 

. This explanation, which was perfectly satisfactovy to me, was 
by no means so consoling to poor O'lieary, who lay quite uncon- 
Bcioua to all around, moaning in the most melancholy manner. 
Some of the blood which continued to flow fast from my wound, 
having dropped upon his face, roused him a little — ^but only to 
increase his lamentation for his own destiny, which he believi^ 
was fast accomplishing. 

^^ Through the skull — clean through the skull — and {w^erving 
my senses to the last ! Mr. Lorrequer, stoop down^— it is a dying 
man asks you — don't refuse me a last request. There's neither 
lock nor grace, honour nor glory in such a way of fighting — so 
just promise me you'll shoot that grinning baboon there, when 
he's goi^g off the ground, since it's the fashion to fire at a man 
with lus back to you. Bring him down, and I'll die easy." * 

And with these words he closed his eyes, and straightened out 
his legs — stretched his arm at either side, and arranged himself as 
much corpse fashion ad the circumstances of the ground would 
permit — while I now freely participated in the mirth of the others, 
which, loud and boisterous as it was, never reached the ears of 
O'Leary. 

My arm had now become so painful, diat I was obliged to ask 
Trevanion to assist me in getting off my coat. The surprise of the 
Frenchmen on learning that I was wounded was very consider- 
able— O'Leary's catastrophe having exclusively engaged all atten- 
tion. My arm was now examined, when it was discovered that 
the ball had passed through from one side to the other, without 
apparently touching the bone : the bullet and the portion of my 
coat carried in by it both lay in my sleeve. The only serious con- 
tequence to be apprehended was .the wound of the blood-veaiel, 
liAiich continued ^ pour forth blood unceasingly, and I was just 
crurgeon enough to guess that an artery had been cut. 

Trevanion bound his handkerchief tightly across the wound, 
and assisted me to the high road, which, sotsudden was' the loss 
of blood, I reached with difficulty. During all these proceedings, 
nothing could be possibly more kind and considerate than the 
conduct of our opponents. All the /ctrotcche and swaggering air 
which they had deemed the " rigueur" before, at once fled, and in 
its place we found the most gentlemanlike attention and true 
politeness. 

As soon as I was enabled to speajc upon the matter, I begged 
Trevanion to look; to poor O'Leary, who still lay upon the ground 
in a state of. perfect onconsdoosness, Captfiio Derigny, oo hear^ 



#g nif %Mh/iit oace vMiilled witm qtitirry, atid/trkh'Ch^ ffmn 
est difficulty, persuaded my friend to rise and endeavcwr ttpi/hSk, 
urbieh «t test he ^d tttempt, cHiiMng him to tuear 'Wktieci that it 
perhaps was the only case on TeocM'd, where a man with a btiBik 
m his brain bald made sucAi an exertion. 

With a view^ to my comfort and quiet, theypnt him into fhe cab 
of Le Baron ; and, having undertaken to send Dupuytrien iCf me 
immediately <m my i^eaehing Paris, took their ieave> atid Treva- 
Udon and I set out hiimeward. 

Not all my e(xhaustion and debility-^-4ior even the acute paiti I 
was suffering, could prevent my laughing at 0*Leary*s advenlure j 
NSOid it required all Trevanionfs prudence to prevent aiy indulging 
toe ht in my recollection of it 

When I reached Meurice's, I found Drtpttytrien fft waitimg, 
•who immediately pronounced the main artery of the limb as 
Wotmded; and almost as instantmieously proceeded to pass % 
I%atmre routKl it. This painful business being concluded, I was 
pbcad upon a sdfe, and being plentifully suppHed with lemonad€y, 
«nd enjoined to keep quiet, left to my own meditations, such as 
"fhey were, till evening — Trevanion having taken upon him le 
apdlogise for out absence at Mrs. Binghaiti's dyeuni^ ami <yLeai^ 
ibeing* fast arieep m his own apartments. 



CHAPTER XXXVI. 

XAB&r ianmL£xcTio«i^*A vinwt' x^vs. 

' I Birow a£ na aensations ^ very nearly alifee^ as tfaoSEr fell, oft 
iwaking aft^ vmry sudden and piofuse less of blood, and thnie 
Tosulting (from a laxve dose of opiums The disiziness^ the okmb* 
larion, and the abstraction at first, gradually yielding^ as the semes 
bsDomd dearer^ to a vague and indistinct ^oneeiousiiess ; then tha 
■trai^ mistiness, in which fact and fiction arp wrapped up-^lhe 
confounding of persons, and places, and times, and so as to endnai^ 
raas. and annoy — ^for the very debility you feel subdues all ii'tita- 
tion-^but rather to presentNa panoramic picture of odd and ineoi^ 
gfuous events more pleasing than otherwise. 

Of the circumstances by which I was thus brott^t to a tmSt 
couch, I had not even the most vague recollcction~the faces and 
the dress of all those' I had lately seen were vividly befcare me; but 
how, and for what purpose, Iknew not. Something in their kind- 
ness and attention had left an agreeable impression upon my mind, 
and without being able, or even attempting to trace it, I felt happy 
m the thought While th^ the ^^ hour before^' was dim and iia^is- 
tiifmt^ the events of years past were Tiyidly and brightly pietured 



Iml&fB me'j and stmngey too, the mere lemole the.pt^ri^^ th# imi» 
did it seem palpable and preseoit to my imagioatiQii. -. Fot sp il i% 
dtere is' ill memory a species of mental kmg-sightednessi which, 
tkrMgh blind to the object close beside you, can reach the blue 
moittitains and the starry skies, -which lie full many a league away* 
Is this a malady ? or is it rather a {»ovideiitial gift to alleviate the 
tedious houis of the sick-bed, and ebeec the lonely sufferer, whose 
thoughts are his only realm? 

• My school*boy daysjin all their holiday excitement ; the bank 
irliere I had eolled the earliest oo wsdips. of the year ; the clear hv^ 
mpid stresan, where days long I havew^chad the spedi^led trout^ 
as' they swam peacefolty beneath, or shook thek bright fins in th^ 
gay eumsdiifie; lAie. gprgeons dragon-fly that play^ abore tha 
water, and dipped l»s br^ht wings in its rifi^le^-^hey were aJQ 
bsfore me. And dien came the thought of school itself, with il9 
llttte world ^f boyish oares and emulations; the early imbibed path 
sioti for success ; the ardent loi^ng for snpenority ; the high and 
swelling &ieling of the heart, as home drew near, to think that I 
had gamed the wished-for prize — the object of many an hour'a 
tott'^^e thoD^ght of many a long hight^s dxeaum ; tny father's smile; 
my mother's kiss! Oh! what a very worlii of tender memory 
that oneUhought suggests; for what are all our lat^r successes w 
Ue-^ow bright soever our fortune be— *comi^red with the eariy 
triumphs of our infancy? Where, among the j<ealous rivalry o£ 
some, Ae cold and half-wrung praise of others, the selfish and 
tisympathising vegard ^f all, riiall we find any thing to repay mi 
Ut the sweUing ecstasy of o«ir young hearts, as those who have 
cradled and loTed us grow proud in our successes? For myself 
a life that has fiiiied in er^ prestige of those that prophesied 
i|L:n>iirabiy-^3rears Aat have followed on each other only to bHght 
An promise that kind and wdl^^vishing friends foaretold-^^aYe but 
Kttie to dwell upon, that can be recfemed to success. And yet, 
some. moments I have had, which half seemed to realise my early 
dream of ambition, and rouse my spirit within me ; but what were 
they all compared to ny boyish glories ? what the passing excite- 
ment one's own heart inspires in the lonely and selfish solitude, 
when compared with that little woddof sympathy and love our 
early home teemed with, as, proud in some trifling distinction, we 
Ibil into a mother's arms, and heard xmt &ther's << God bless yo|i» 
boy ?*' No, no^ the world has no leqiiital for thisL. It is Uce the 
toigbt day^ring, which, as its glories gild the east, display before 
us a.^^^ie world of beauty and promise— blighted hopes have not 
witbsred, &lse frisndships have not scathed, eold, selfish interest 
has not yet hardened our hearts, or dried Of our afieelions, and we 
are indeed happy ; but equally Uce the burst of morning is it fleet* 
iiif and shortlived ; and equally so, too, does it pass away, never, 
never to retam. 
Worn thoughts Uke these msw ufind wqndered on to tnoie ad 



dd4 oofrraBsnrHS ov mammy XtoassOTnt 

ttmced yearS) when, emerging from very boyhood, I bftjtf beUered 
myself a man, and was fully convinced I was ia love. 

Perhaps, after all, for the time it lasted — ^ten days, I tbinkr-4t 
was the most sincere passion I ever felt. I had been spemlii^ 
some weeks at a small watering-place in Wales with some rela» 
lives of my mother. There were, as might be supposed, but few 
^diatractiona^* in such a place, save the scenery, and an occai^ 
sional day's fishing in the little river of Dolgelly, which ran near. 
In all these little rambles which the younger portion of the family 
made together, frequent mention was ever being made of a visit 
from a very dear cousin, and to which all looked forward with the 
greatest eagerness — the elder ones of the party with a certain air 
of quiet pleasure, as though they knew more than they said, and 
Ate younger with all the childish exuberance of youtlaul delight 
Clara Mourtray seemed to be, from all I was hourly hearing, tlM» 
very paragon and pattern of every thing. If any one was praised 
ibr beauty, Clara was' immediately pronounced much prettier — 
did any one sing, Clara's voice and taste were far superior. In 
our homeward walk, should the |hadow8 of the dark hill fall witb 
a picturesque effect upon the blui lake, some ojae was sure to say, 
** Oh ! how Clara would like to sketch that" In short, there waa 
no charm or accomplishment ever the gift of woman that Clara did 
not possess; or, what amounted pretty much to the same thing, that 
my relatives did not implicitly give her credit for. The constantly, 
recurring praises of the same person affect us always diffei'ently as. 
we go on in life. In youth the prevailing sentiment is an ardent 
desire to see the prodigy of whom we have heard so much — in 
after years heartily to detest what hourly hurts our self-love by 
comparisons. We would take any steps to avoid meeting what 
we have inwardly decreed to be a "bore." The former was nay 
course ; and though my curiosity was certainly very great, I had 
made up my mind to aslgreat a disappointment, and half wished 
for the long arrival as a means of criticising what they could see 
m fault in. 

The wished-for evening at length came, and. we all set out upon 
a walk to meet the carriage wl^ich was to bring the bien aiwii 
Clara among us.* We had not walked above a mile when the 
eager eye of the foremost detected a cloud of dust upon the road 
at some distknce ; and, after a few minutes more, four posters were 
seen coming along at a tremendous rate. The next moment she 
was making the tour of about a dozen uncles, aunts, cousins, and 
cousines, none of whom, it appeared to me, felt any peculiar de- 
sire to surrender the hearty embrace to the next of kin in succea- 
sion. At last she came to me, when, perhaps, in the confusion 
of the moment, not exactly remembering whether or not she had 
seen me before, she stood for a moment silent-*a deep bjush 
mantling her lovely cheek — masses of waving brown hair dis* 
erdered and ioating upon her sboulders-^hier large and liquid 



blue eyes beammg upon me. One look was enough. I was deeply 
— ^iiretrievably in love. 

'< Our cousin Harry-^Hany Loi^equer---'mld Hairy, as we used 
to call him^ Clara/' said one of the girls, introducing me. 

She held out her hand, and said something with a smile. What, 
I know not-^nor can I tell how I replied ^ but something absurd it 
must have been, for they all laughed heartily, and the worthy 
papa himself tapped my shoulder jestingly, adding, ^ 

; .'< Never miod^ Harry— »y^u wQl do better one day, or I am much 
mistaken in you.V 

Whether I was conscious that I had behaved foalishly or not, I 
eannot well say ; but the whole of that night I thought ov«r plans 
innumerable J^ow I should succeed in putlii^ myself forward be« 
fore *^ Cousin Clara," and ▼indicating myself against any impttttt* 
tion of schoolboy mannerism that my first appearance might n&ve 
caused. . 

The msX day we remained at home. Clam was too mudi^ 
lEitigued to walk out, and notie of us would leave her« What a 
day of happiness that was! I knew something. of music and 
could sing ^a second. Clara was delighted at this, for the othefi 
^had not cultivated isinging much.. We theriafore spent the whole 
mormng in this way. Then she produced her sketch-book^ and I 
brought out mine, and we .had a mutual interdiange of prisoners. 
What cutting out of leaves and detaching of rice-paper landscapes t 
Then she came out upon the lawn to see my poney leap, and pro- 
mised to ride him the following day. She patted the greyhoundSy 
and said Gipsy, which was nunc, was the prettiest. In a word, 
before night fell Clara had won my heart in its every fibre, and 
I went to my room the very happiest of mortals. 

I need not chronicle my next three days-;— to me the most glo- 
rious ^ trois jours'^ of my life^ Clara had evidently singled me 
out and preferred me to all the rest. It was beside me she rodo 
— ^upon my arm she leaned in walking — and, to combU me witl^ 
delight unutterable, I overheard her say to my uncle, << Oh, I doat 
upon poor Harry ! And it is so pleasant, for Pm sure Mortimer 
will be so jealous." 

^ And who is Mortimer/' thought I ; ^^ he is a new charact^ in 
the plece^of whom we have seen nothing." 

I was not long in doubt upon this head, for that very day, at 
dinner, the identical Mortimer presented himself. He was a fine, 
dadiii^-looking, soldier-like fdlow, of about thirty-five, with a 
heavy moustadbe, and abronsed dieek-Hrather grave in his man- 
ner,.but still perfectly good-natured, and when he smiled i^owing 
a most handsome set of r^ular teeth. Clara seemed less pleased 
.(I thought) at his coming than the others, and todc pleasure m 
tormenting him by a thousand pettish and frivolous ways, which t 
was sorry for, as I thought^ he did not like it; and used to look 
half chidingly at her from .time to tifiOM, but.withoatany effectyf^r 
she juist went on m before) and genorfiUy ended by taking my arm: 



fUd^ityuigi ^^ Coio» awnf y Harrjr ; you abr&ys are kuid and nwer 
fook sulky. I can agree with you." T^ese were delighffiil 
v^ida for me to lisloa toi» but I eould not hear tbem without feel- 
ing for hinii who eviden^y was pained by Cliura's avowed prefer- 
woe for me ; aod whose years — ^for I thought tbiny-five at that ^ 
time a UtUe yerging upon tbe patriarcl»l-^»etttit]ed him to mdre 

' <^ Well/' thought ly o«e evening^' as this game had been'oarried 
iMiwr jfturtheis than usiial, ^ I hope sAie ia eontent now^ for certainly 
Mortimer is jealous ;'' and the result proved it, for the wholeof the 
following day be absented himself and never came^back t^l late in 
the evening. He had been, X found, ftom a chance observatieii I 
ovexb^^tcd, at the bishop's palace, and the Mahop hiniseAf, I le»med^ 
WM to bieakfaat with us in the morning. 

<^ Harry, I have a commimon for you,'^ saiA €!am. <*Tcm 
' must get up very early to-morrow, and climb the Cade^ mouttfiftiii, 
Md briagme a gmad bomfoet of the biueand purple heath #iat I 
liked io miMh the iaac time I wasihete. Mind, ver^ early, &r 1 
lalend to surprise the faishq> to-morrow with my taste in a nose^. 
gay« 

The sun iiad scarcely risen as I spmig from my bed, and starfed ' 
tpon my errand. Oh ! the glorioua beauty of that »MMrning'ff walk. 
A» I choked the mountain, the deep mists lay upon all ateundj 
and except the path I was treading, nothing was vis3)ile ; but be^ 
fore I reached the top, the heavy masses of vapour were yielding to 
the influence di the sun; and a9 they rotted from the valleys u{>tbe 
ttpuntain sides, wei«s every instant <$pemng new glens and ravines 
b(9Cieath me-— bright in all their verdure, and sp^cktod with sheep^ 
whose tinkling bells reached me even where I stood. 
. . I counted about twenty lakes at different levels, below me; some 
brilliant, and duning like polished mirroro ? otherst not k^ beatiti- 
ful, dark and solemn with some mighty mountain shadow. As I 
looked landward, the mountains reared their huge crests, one 
above the other, to the ferthest any eye coald reach. Towards 
the. opposite side, the calm and tranquil sea lay beneath me, bathed , 
in the yellow gold of a rising sun ; a few ships ^ere peaceably • 
lyin^ at anchor in the bay; and the only thing in motion was a 
row-boat, the heavy monotonous stixAsd of whoae oars rose m the 
stillness of the morning air. Not a single habitaUon of man could 
I (fes(»y, nor any vestige of a human being, except that mass o( 
something upon the rock far down beiieath be one, and I think it 
is, for I see the sheep^log ever returning agaki and again to fte 
WMspot 

My bouquet was gathered; Ae gentian of the Alps, which \$ 
found here; also contribidng its evidence to show where I had been 
to aeek it, and I turned home. 

The family were at breal^nst as I entered ; at least so the ser- 
vants said, for I only remembered then that tfie bishop was our 
|Mst^ and that I-crndd not {irarait mffmU without some digbt 



attention to my dress. I hastened to my room^ and scarcely had 
I finished, when one of my cousins^ a little girl of eight yean^ 
cam6 to the door and said : — 

" Harry, come down ; Clara wants you^'* 

I rushed down stairs, and as I entered the breakfast parlour, 
stood still with surprise. The ladies wei« all dressed in white, and 
even my little cousin wore a gala costume that amazed me. 

^My boiYquet, Harry; I hopef^ou hayte not fargotten i^' atid 
Clftra, as I approached. 

I pre^sented' it at once, when ^e gaily and eoquettishly hdd ootk 
her hand for me to kiss. This I did, tsty blood rushing to m^ faam 
and temples the .while, and almost depriving me of consciousneai* 

* Well, Clara, I am surprised at you/* said Mortimer. " HoW 
cam you treat the poor boy so ?*' 

] grew deadly pale at these words, and, turning round, loolceft 
at the speaker rail in the face. Poor fellow, thought I, he is jeakni% 
aad I am really grieved for him; and turned again to Clara. 

^ Here it is— Oh ! how handsome, papa,'' said one of the youngBt 
children, running eagerly to the window, as a very pretty opeR 
carriage with four hotses drew up before the house. 

^The bishop has Caste,'' I munnored to myself, scarcely deigor 
iiig to give a second look at the equipage. 

« Clara now left the room, but speedily returned — ^her dreMi 
dhanged, and shawled as if for a walk. What could all this measi^ 
—and the whispering, too, what is all that ?-Hind why are tibql 
all so sad ? — Clara has been weeping. 

"God bless you, my child — good-by,'' said my aunt, asshe fdldoi 
her in her atrms for the third time. ^ 

^ 6ood-by, good-by,'' I heard on every side. At lengthy 9fh 
preaching me, Clara took my hand and said : — 

^^'My poor Harry, so we are going to part I am goiii^ ftr 
KWy.'' 

"To Italy, Clara ? 0*i ! no^-nsay no. Italy ! I shall never Mtt 
fan again.*^ 

' "WonH you wear this ring for nae, Harry? It is an old favouciM 
ef yours — and when we meet again — ^— '* 

" Oh ! dearest Clara,*' I said, " do not speak thus.'* 
^^ Oood-by, my poor boy, good-by,'' said Clara^ hurriedly; mi^ 
nudning out of the room', she was lifted by Mortimer into tte eas^ 
riage, who, immediately jumping in after her, die whip oiadco4» 
the* herses ckitteredy and all was out of sight in a second. 

<^Why is she gone with him?'* said I, reproadifuUy^ turning 
towards my aunt 

^< Why, my dear^ a very milBcient reason. SHift wu married 
fhiff morning:'* 

This waa mT fiistlov^. 



CHAPTER XXXVIL 

N WISE BESOLYES. 

r Mv^Tsa over this boyish adventure^ I fell into a deep slumber, 
and on awakening it took me some minutes before I could recall 
my senses sufficiently to know where I was. The whole face of 
things in my room was completely changed. Flowers had been 
put in the china vases upon the tables — ^two handsome lamps^ 
jdiaded with gauzes, stood upon the consoles — illustrated books, 
prints, and caricatures, were scattered about. A piano-forte had 
also, by some witchcraft, insinuated itself into a recess near the 
sofa — a handsome little tea service, of old Dresden china, graced 
a small marquetry table-~and a little picquet table stood most in- 
vitingly beside the fire. ' I had scarcely time to turn my eyes fi'om 
one to the other of these new occupants, when I heard the handle ^ 
of my door gently turn, as if by some cautious hand, and imme- 
diately closed my eyes and feigned sleep. Through my half shut 
Kds I perceived the door opened. After a pause of about a second 
the skirt of a white muslin dress appeared — ^then a pretty foot 
stole a little farther — and at last the islight and graceful figure of 
Emily Bingham advanced noiselessly into the room. Fear had 
rendered her deadly pale, but the effect of her rich brown hair,, 
braided plainly on eidier side of her cheek, suited so well the 
. character of her features, I thought her far handsomer than even 
She came forward towards the table, and I now could perceive 
that she had something in her hand resembling a letter. This she 
plaiced near my hand — so near as almost to touch it. She leaned 
over me — I felt her breath upon my brow, but never moved. At 
this instant a tress of her hair, becoming unfastened, fell over upon 
jny face. She started — ^the motion threw me off my guard, and I 
looked up. She gave a iaint. scarce audible shriek, and sank into 
the chair beside :ne. Kecovering, however, upon the instant, she 
grasped the letter she had just laid down, and, having crushed it 
between her fingers, threw it into the fire. This done — as if the 
effort had been too much for her strength — she again fell back upou 
her seat, and looked so pale I almost thought she had fainted. , 

" Before I had time to speak, she rose once more ; and now her' 
&ce was bathed in blushes, her eyes swam with rising ieafSj and 
her lips trembled with emotion as she spoke. 

** Oh, Mr. Lorrequer, what will you— ^what can you. think of 
this? If you but knew — — ;'* and here she falteted and* again 
grew pale, while I with difficulty rising from the.' sofa, took her 
liand, and led her to the chair beside it. 

** And may I not know ?" said I; " may I not know, my dear— '^ 



I am not mff I di^ not say dearest-^'^ Miss Bingham^ wban, per* 
haps, the knowledge might make me the happiest of mortals ?'' . 

This was a pretty plunge as a sequel to my late resolutions. She 
hid. her face between her hands, and sobbed for some seconds. 

<< At least,'' said I, <^ as that letter was destined for me but a few 
moments since, I trust that you will let me hear its contents.'^ 

"Oh, no— not now — not now/' said she, entreatingly ; and^ 
rising at the same time, she turned to leave the room. I still hel^ 
her hand, and pressed it within mine. I thought she returned the 
pressure. I leaned forward to catch her eye, when the door was 
opened hastily, and a most extraordinary figure presented itself. 

It was a short, fat man, with a pair of enormous moustaches, of 
a fiery red ; huge bushy whiskers of the same colour ; a blue frock 
covered with braiding, and decorated with several crosses andr 
^ ribbons; tight pantaloons and Hessian boots, with long brass spurs. 
He held a large gold-headed cane in his hand, and looked about 
with an expression of very equivocal drollery mingled with fean 

" May I ask, sir,'' said I, as this individual closed the door bst 
nind him, " may I ask the reason for this intrusion ?" 

"Oh, upon my conscience, I'll do— I'm sure to pass musHxr 
now," said the well-known voice of Mr. O'Leary, whose pleasant 
features began to dilate amidst the forest of red hair he was dis^ 
guised in. " But I see you are engaged," said he, with a sly lookl 
at Miss Bingham, whom he had not yet recognised ; " so I mu0l^ 
contrive to hide myself elsewhere, I suppose." 

" It is Miss Bingham," said I, " who has been kin^ enough tih 
come here with her maid, to bring me some flowers. Pray pre- 
sent my respectful compliments to Mrs. Bingham, and say how* 
deeply I feel her most kind attentioil." 

Emily rose at the instant, and recovering her self*possessi<Mi at 
onc^, said — 

"You forget, Mr. Lorrequer, it is a secret from whom the 
flowers came ; at least mamma hoped to place them in your vasem 
without your knowledge. So pray don't speak of it — and I'm 
sure Mr. O'Leary will not tell." 

If Mr. O'Leary heard one word of this artful .speech, I ka<yi§r 
not, but he certainly paid no attention to it, nor the speakerywho- 
left the room without his appearing aware of it., 

" Now that she is gone — ^for which heaven be praised," said I 
to myself; " let me s^ what this fellow can mean." 

As I turned from the door, I could scarcely avoid laughing aloucl 
at the figure before me. He stood opposite a large mirror^ l^ 
hat on one .side of his head, one arm in his breast, and the other 
extended, leaning upon his stick; a look of as much ferocity asu 
such features could accomplish had been assun^ed, and. his whokrt 
attitude was a kind of oarioature of a melo^dramatic hfro m ft 
Qerman drama. 

« Why, O'Leary, Fhat is all this ?" 



^Hoili, httrtiv^ mM be^ in a fi^vfified whisper— ^^ never menMMf 
that name aigaiH' till \r€ aire o^er the frontier.^ 

^But^man, eaiplMn^-wbat do you mean P' 

« Can/*! yeu yuessP eai* he, dryly. 

^ InpieesiMe, Qi>les9 liie affair at the* saloon has itiSwsed ym to 
take thisi disgaise, I eatinot conceive the reason.^ 

^NothiBg fitxtber ftotn it, my dear friend;: mtiefr urevse ifian 

*f Out witfi it, then, at once/' 

<*Slie^r eome — she's here — ^in this wry house-^No. 29^, aboTet 
the enffe sol/' 

<< Who is here, in No. 29, above the enlfre sol ?'' 

^ Who) but Mni« O^Leavy hefself ? I was near saying* ^ad Imk 
tdher.** 

•• And- dc»es she knerw yoo are here ?^* 
. ^That is what I can't exactfy say,"' said he, '* but she has had 
the Liwe des Toyageors brought up ta her room, and has beenr 
waking rather unpleasant inquiries fbr the proprietor of certain 
hieroglyphics beginning with O, which bare* given ntve^grea't alans;' 
tliwmore, as ali the waiters have been sent for in turn, and subjected 
Uf kmg examination by her. So I have lost no time, but, under 
the auspices of your friend Trevanion, have become the Utecinating' 
fkgure you find me, and am now Comte O'Lieuki, a P6ie of nohi^\ 
family, banished by the Russian gotiemtnent, with a &ther in Si<^ 
beria, and all that ; and I hope, by the end of the week, to be able' 
to cheat at eearte^ and deceive the very police itself," 

Ttie idea of 0*Tieary's assuming such a metamorphosis waff tc^o 
absurd not to throw me into a hearty fit of laughing, in which t6e^ 
worthy emigri indulged also. ^ 

"But why not leave this at once," said I> « tf you are so mttch 
in dread of a recognition ?" 

<^yo« forget the trial," added O'Leary, <«I must be here on the 
Ifgth, or all my bail is forfeited." *' 

<« True — 1 had forgot that Well, now, your plans — " 

" Simply to keep very quiet here, till the affair of the tribanal isr 
oveiV And then quit Fmnee at once. Mean wtiile, Trevanion thinks 
tbat we may, by a bold stratagem, send Mrs. O'Leary off on a 
wrong scent, and has requested Mrs. Bingham to contrive* tb maker 
her* acquaintance, and ask her to tea inr her room, when she will 
see me, en PolonaiSj at' a distance, you know — hear something of 
my melanoboly destitiy from Trtevanion — and leave the hotel quite 
save she has no claim on me. Meanwhile, some otfiers of the* 
{narty are to mention incidentally having met Mr. (VLeary somie^ 
Wihere^or heard of bis decease^ or any pleasant little inekleiit tfeatf 
nwf oeour to* themf.*' 

"<<'Tbeiflas is exeeUent)" said I^ <<for in all probability she W9ff 
never come in your way again, if sent off on a good ertand tfemi 
time." I 



disposed to let her hear that I'm with BelzonimOEgypt, withatl^M^. 
gagement to spend the Christmtts irlAi the Dey <]f Algiers. That 
would give her-apreiVlff tcmr for dlie rettiainder of the yeitr, and 
ffaiMv t)^ the p^irramidB. But, tefi me ^rly^ tim I a good Pole V^ 

«• ittfthier short/' said I, « and a litfte too Ait, perhaps.'' 

<< l^t Gonses ivarn the dash of the .Tartar blood, nothing mofe ; 
and my mother was a Fin/' said he, "Mshe'il never a* whether 
from Carlo w or the Caucasus. Mow I -revel in the Hbought, that I 
tnay Bmcke in company without a breaoh of the* imities. Sat I 
jaamt go : there is a gentleman with a ^insey in No. 8, that grvw 
' m^ a lesson in Polish this morning. So good-by , and don't iorget 
to be well enough to-night, for yon must be present at ray debut.^ 

•0*Leary had scarbely gone, when my thoughts reverted to TSmill/f 
Siffigham. I w^s not suoh a coxcomb as to -fency her in love 'wMi 
«ie ; yet oercaialy there was soihething in (^ affair whieh looked 
not unlike it ; and though, by suoh a ofrcumstanee, every «mbait- 
trasmnent w4itch pressed upon me bad become infinitely ^ea4ar, I 
Aotfid not dissemble fpominyself a sense of pteasuve ut die thougM. 
She was reaflly a very pretty girl, and improved vaedly upon ao- 
^^atntance. ^L&f aisens ont toujour^ t&rtiS^ te Che^truest^proveA 
in any language, amdi felt 9t in itiB fuSMt fofee w<hen Tfovafuoii 
entered my room. 

" Wellj'Lorrequer," said he, " your time is certainly not likely to 
hang heavily on your hands in Paris, if occupation will prevent it, 
for I find you are just now booked for a new scrape.''' 

^ What can you mean ?" said I, starting up. 

« Why, O'Leary, who has been, since your illness, the . constant. 
visiter at the Bitigham»--^ifling there e^ety day, and spending hia 
• evenings — ^has just told me that the inamma is only waiting for the 
arrival of Sir Guy Lorrecjuer in 3Pari8,to open the trenches in all 
form ; and from what she has heard of Sir Guy, she deeihs it most 
Miely tie' wnH give her enrery aMand ^wofffati Id ^knaltit)^ yioa ^he 
ktisbanii ofthefair Ekaify.^' 

*** Ani Mriifc . good Teaseu, too,** 'said I v •^ f«* if niy wiwtle ?wi«Pe 
icnrty given (to «indentattd^hat I faadtODee^gOBefarin my attentioM, 
nothing would induce him to break off 4he matah. Me wws 
lorossed in \ave bimself, wfaen jwnag, antf' tea made a «eoi>e of (|eo- 
-fde oMenible'aiiice, in Ibe derieveleiitideftof ttiarryiDg tfaam agadait 

^ How very «ma«t you have ibeMOM^^ «aiid "tVewviiiion, Hdping a 
laok 9ovmd my room, and aorveyiag te turn eaeh of the new ocau- 
^ante. ^ You tnufift oertainly ^ckoo upon ^aeeing your lair finend 
Iwre, «T aQ this propHM is sadly wasted/' 

TMs was the tvme to esfAatn ail «(bout MJiss SMghana^mtt; 
«iid i4id«o, of eoar8o>o«Hltkig any details wUeh mi^ht aee«i «> 
»o tiaedleas, >er Jn^olfifig o^yt^aa iMensisl^^ 
^6 



0t$ .eowrasHoirsov uAMMrh^MMM^mm. 

Ti9^9mm Intend patte&ily to the tNid-— waa sflbnt lor some 
4iiomeiit^^th6n added^ 
' ** And you never aaw the letler ?" 

<<. Of course not It was burned before my eyes/' 
' ^< I think the afiair looks very serious^ Lorrequer. You may 
have won this girl's auctions. It matters Uttle whether the mamma 
;be a hackneyed matchmaker, ^r the cousin a bullying dueUist If 
^e girl have a heart,' and that you have gained it-^-— " 
i : " Then I must marry, you would say." 

"Exactly so — ;Without the prompting of your worthy uncle, I 
«ee no other course open to you without dishonour. My advice, 
5therefore, is, ascertain — and that speedily — ^how far your attentions 
^ve been attended with the success you dread — and then decide 
«t once. Are you able to get as far as Mrs. Bingham's room tins 
^ jiaoming ? If so, come along. I shall take all the/rat« of la chere 

mamma off your hands, while you talk to the daughter, and half- 
. an-hour's courage and resolution will do it^ll." 

Having made the most effective toilet my means would permit, 

jny right arm in a sling, and my step trembling from weakness, 

^ 1 sallied forth with Trevanion to make love with as many fears 

fyt the result as the most bashful admirer ever experienced, when 

^pressing his suit upon some haughty belle— but for a far differejit 

' reason. 



CHAPTER XXXVIL 

THB FEOPOSAL. 



"^Osi reaching Mrs. Bingham's apartments, we found that she had 
just left home to wait upon Mrs. O'Leary, and, consequently, that 
Miaa Bingham was alone. Trevanion, therefore, having wished 
jBoe a safe deliverance through my trying mission, shook my hand 
;warmly, and departed. 

I stood for some minutes irresolutely, with my hand upon the 
iock of the door. To think that the next few moments may de- 
cide the fortune of one's after life, is a su^ciently anxious thought; 
i)>ut that your fate may be so decided, by compelling you to finish 
*in sorrow what you have begim in folly, is still more insupport- 
able. Sqch, then, was my condition* I had resolved within my- 
self, if the result of this meeting should prove that I had won Miss 
Bingham's affections, to propose for her at once in all form, and 
«mi^e her my wife. If, on the other hand, I only found that ti» 
loo had amused herself with a little j^uwtng flirtation, why, tbm, 



I wiu a free man once tm>Tt : but, on catechizmg mya^if a little 
doaer^ also, oae somewhat dispossied to make love de novo. 

With the speed of lightning my mind ran over every passage of 
•or acquaintance-^or firs^ meeting-^ur solitary walks— oar 
daily, hourly associations — our travelling intimacy — the adventure 
at Gbantraine; — ^I'here was, it is true, nothing in all this which 
.could establish the fact of wooing, but eveiy^tfiing which should 
convince an old offender like myself that the young lady was ^e& 
prise,?' and that I myself— despite my really strong attachment 
elsewhere — was not entirely scatheless. 

^^ Yes,'' said P, half aloud, as I once more reviewed the past, ''it 
is but another chapter in my history in keeping with all the rest- 
one step has ever led me to a second, and so on to a third ; what 
with other mc^n have passed ifor mere trifles, have ever with me 
become serious difficulties, and the false enthusiasm with which I 
ever follow any object in life, blinds me for the time,^d, mistaking 
-zeal for indination, I never feel how my heart is interested in 
success, till the fever of pursuit is over." 

These were pleasant thoughts for one about to throw himself at 
a pretty girl's feet, and pour out " his soul of love before her ;'* but 
that with me was the least part of it Curran, they say, usually 
pjn^ed up his facts in a case from the opposite counsel's statements | 
J' always relied for my conduct in carrying on any thing, to 
the chance circumstances of the .moment, and trusted to my ani* 
mal spirits to give me an interest in whatever for the time being 
engaged me. 

. I opened the door. Miss Bingham was sitting at a table, her 
head leaning upon her hands — some open letters which lay before 
her, evidently so occupying her attention, that my approach wav 
unheard. On my addressing her, she tiirned round suddenly, and 
became at first deep scarlet, then pale as death ; while, turning to 
the table, she hurriedly threw her letters into a drawer, and mo- 
tioned me to a place beside her. 

After the first brief and commonplace inquiry for my health, 
and hopes for my speedy recovery, she became silent ; and I, too, 
primed with topics innumerable to discuss — ^knowing how short 
my time might prove before Mrs. Bingham's return — could not 
3ay a word. 

'< I hope, Mr. Lorrequer," said' she, at length, ''that you have 
incurred no risk by leaving your room so early." 

" I have not," I replied, " but even were there a certainty of i^ 
the anxiety I laboured under to see and speak with you alone, 
would have overcome all feai^ on this account Since this unfor- 
tunate business haa confined me to my chamber, I have done no- 
thing but think over circumstances which have at letigth iO 
entirely taken possession of me, that I must, at any sacrifice, bav^ 
sought an opportunity to e:^lain to you" — liere Emily looked 
down, and I Gontiatted— "I need scamly say what my fteUngt 



imit JoM'Wice bay/Q bottaped^ tbfit ta b§fr^ «iQop«d tlMiaaiilytep- 
piness of Uviqg* ia ypur socieityy of esumaluig yeiur worth, of iei^ 
W8 y^^ fascination^ were not tbe me«dDS most in request fi»r4iiin, 
^bo kaew too well how liul^ he deserved, either by &»tuiie or'd#> 
ipert,to hope to make.yMi bis; and yet how little has prudence or 
icaiAtion to do with situations like this,'' She did not guess tbe 
iminius of this speec^ '^ I felt all I have described ; and y^t, mmi 

Et, I lingered on prizing too dearly the happiness of the present 
ur, to risk it by any avowal of sentiments, whieh snight iware 
banished me from your presenoe forever. If the akeonlkm of 
l^ese hopes and fears have proved too strong for my season at kst^ 
I cannot help it ; and this it is which now leads nobe lo «nakB thie 
4KW>wal to yon.'' Emily turned her head aw»iy from me ; but imr 
;s(git^ted manner showed bow deeply my words had AfSected her,; 
f^d I, too, now that I had finished, felt that I bad been ^^xroimng it 
^ther strong." 

^ I hoped* Mr. Lorrequer," said she, at length, ^I hoped, I «bd- 
fess, to have had an opportunity of speaking with you." Then, 
jtbougbt I, the game is over, and Bishop Luscombe isdcher by £ve 

IWUmLds than I wish him^ ^^ Something, I know not what, in 

yiQur manner, led me to suspeot that your affections nnght lean to- 
wards me : bints you have dropped, and, now acid then, your 6bBnc0 
illusions, strengthened the belief, and I determined, at length, that 
]^ feeling of maidenly shame on my part .^nld endan^ the 
]uy>pines9 of eitheir of u^ and I ^termined to see you: ttos mwb 
BO difficult, that I wrote a letter, and that letter, which might lurve 
It^ved me all distressing explanation, I burped before yon this 
WPirning." 

f But why, dearest girl" — -.here was -a plunge — ^^ why, if die 
letter coulijl remove any misconstruction, or bould be the memaof 
4jispelling any 4oubt— why not let me see it ?" 
. ^ Hear mie out," cried she, ei^erly, «md evadently not heedtng 
my interruption, ^^I determined, if your adeetioos were, indeMt"*^ 
f #ox>4 of t^ars here broke fbrth^ and drowned her words ; her 
!l^ead saak between her hands, and. she sobbed bitterly* 

« Corpo di Baccho !" said I. to myself, "it's all over with me; 
1H^ ppor ,girl is evidently jealous, and her heart will break." 
- << Dearest, dearest Emily," said I, passing my arm round hii^ 
f9(l approaching my bead clpse to hers, "if you 'flunk that any 
other love than yours could ever beat within this hearti^tbeit I 
Wa]^ see you hpuxly b^f^ ipe*^live benei^ your ainile,and'^ze 
won your befi^uty'tTnand, still more :thaji all-^-ipardoa the boMnnss 
|if Ah^ thoiaght-^eel itbat I W4;u9 not indifferent -to you.^' 

^ ; 4pare itfe tUs at least," ^aidshe, tiirmiig i^u&d her teaifid 

f^es ifpof me,,anct.loioking most bi&witcbin^y beaatifiiL *^Uxm 
4ben .jsbpwed ypu tbis plainly ?" 

'«Yi$s, deadest girU That instinct whjch tells us we are loved 
Ii9ft!|(tf^|;^ wi^ mfj. 44^4 bf?:^ In.this b^»tiiif heartt^pr-**' 



*^ ! say not more/' said she, ** if -I have, indeed, gained yonr 
affections '' 

" l/--^YOu have," said I, clasping her to my heart, while she' 
continued to sob still violently, and I felt half disposed to blow my 
brains out for my suodseis. How^irer, thoqe .is something in love- 
making'as in fox-hunting, which carries you along in spite of your- 
wlf^^Md I^ontimifid to fMNor forfti wJ^da xhapscNdies of lovd 4b#t 
the i^netor FidoroomU n(»t equal. 

'^ Enough," said she, << it is enough that you love me, and that I 
iM^e eneomnkgad your so doing. But, ! tall me onee more, and 
iWnk hxrw much ii future happiness may vest upon your answer 
«-^eU mo, may n»i this be some passing AttachmedOj^ which q^ 
OHUMtaaces haxre ereasted^ and others may dispel ? Say, might not 
liJiflence, tk&e, or another more worlhy— -^" 

T)bis was oectainly a very mgid C£osfi^i8:amiaatio]i when I 
thought the itsiai was bver ; and »ot being ^^actly f»re^pared for il^ 
I ifek no either mode of reply Iban rpccssing her ^^t fingeirs alter*- 
nataly to my Ups, and mixHcring something tb«kt might pass for .^ 
iMkm\ion*o{ lave unallgrable, but, io my ow^ ears^ xeseDabled it 
laflftsnit ^m my ibtty. 

<< She is mine now," thought I, ^^so we must e'en make the belt 
^it; and truly ii^ is a very bandsoma giri, though, not a Lady 
Iv^e C«lloQby. The oextetep is the maoama^ b«t I do jupt .a^jr 
ojfMtte much diffioalty in that quaster^" 

** IjBftve me sfeo«r," eaid ahe, la a low «;nd broken voice; ^^bift 
ptipouse Bot to ^peak of this meeting t0 tjiy one before we mfiet 
9igfin. I have my rjaasoas ; believe me ithey ;are isufficient ones, mf 
f«r0Riifie me this hefis^e ^e part." 

Hifltving readily given the pledge required, I again kissed bar 
tend aad bade £inewell, not a little puzzled the whole time at pei^ 
^wring that, ever eince mf declaration and acoeptanqe, fimiljr 
seemed any thing but happy, and evidently struggtii^; J^g^iopl 
smie secret feeling of which I knew nothing* ^< Yeii," thoii^t I, 
INI I ^wended my way alon^ jtbe eorridor,'^^ the <poor little girl 4t 
mmnoBdoiisIy jeabas,and I-mttsit have 4aid many a thisg^ during 
om intf maoy to hurt hut. However, that is all paet and gone ; ao4 
iiowjoooiaB a tww duucaot^r fiir ma: lair nmi app»agan<:a wUi J^ 



.«Q 



908 eoamMtims o» sasm KMaHMnmsi 

V 



CHAPTER XXXVIII. 

TB0170HTS UPOir MATRIMOKT IN GSirEBAL, AND trBS AAMT IK 
PARTICULAR — ^THB KNIOHT OV KBRRT AND BILLV M^CABR. 

'*So/' thought I, as* I closed the dooj of my room behind me, 
** I am accepted — the die is cast which makes me a Benedict : yet 
Heaven knows that never was a man less disposed to be over- 
joyous at his good fortune !" What a happy invention it were, if, 
when adopting any road in life, we could only manage to foi^ 
that we had ever contemplated any other ! It is the eternal look- 
dBg back in this world that forms the staple of all our misery $ and 
we are but ill-requited for such unhappiness by the brightest anti- 
i^ipationii we can conjure up for the future. How much of all 
Ihat ^past'^ was now to become a source of painful recollection, 
and to how little of the future could I look forward with even 
hope! 

Our weaknesses are much more constantly the spring of all our 
RQDoyances and troubles than even our vices. The one we have 
in some sort oif subjection : we are .perfectly slaves to the others. 
This thought came home most forcibly to my bosom, as I reflected 
upon the step which led me on imperceptibly to my present em- 
barrassment. « Well, c'e^/j/SmV now, said I, drawing upon that 
bountiful source of consolation ever open to the man who mars hfis 
fortune--4hat <^what is past canHbe amended;'' which piece of 
philosophy, as well as its twin brother, that ^^ all will be the same 
a hundred years hence,'' have been golden rules to me from my 
dlildhood. 

The transitioti from one mode of life to another perfectly differ- 
But, has ever seemed to me a great trial of man's moral courage; 
I>e8ides that the fact of quitting forever any thing, no matter how 
Insignificant or vahieless, is always attended with painful misgiv- 
ings. My bachelor life had its share of annoyances and diiuip- 
pointments, it is true ; but, upon the whole, it was a most happy 
one — and now I was about to surrender it forever, not yielding 
to the impulse of affection and love for one without whom life 
were valueless to me, but merely a recompense for the indulgence 
of that fatal habit I had contraet^d of pursuing with eagerness 
every shadow that crossed my path. All my early friends — all 
my vagrant fancies — all my day-dreams of the future I was now to 
surrender— for, what becomes of any man's bachelor friends ^hea 
he is once^ married ? Where are his rambles in high and bye-ways 
when he has a wife? and what u left for anticipation after his weid- 
dingy except, perhaps^ to sp^ulate upon the arrangement of liii 



fuMml? To a oiililary man more than to any other thesd are seri- 
ous thoughts. All the fascinations of an army life, in war or peace, 
Ue^in the daily, hourly associations with your brother officers--4l]» 
morning cigar, the barrack«square lounge — the afternoon ride — tile 
game of billiards before dinner— ^the mess — (that perfection of din- 

'laer society) — ^the plans for the evening — the devilled kidney at 
twelve — forming so many points of departure whence you sail out 
upon your daily voyage, through life. J^ersus these you have that 
awful perversion of all that is natural — an officer's wife. , She has 
been a beauty when young, had black eyes and high complexion, 
a good figure, rather inclined to embonpoint, and a certain springi- 
ness in her walk, and a jauntiness in her air, that are ever sure 
attractions to a sub in a marching regiment. She can play back-^ 
gammon, and sing "di tantr palpiti,'^ and, if an Irishwoman, is 
certain to* be able to ride a steeple-chase, and has an uncle a )ord, 
who {en parenthese^ always turns out to be a creation made by 
King James, after his abdication. In conclusion, she breakfasts en 
papillotte-^vfeBXB her shoes down at he^l — calls every officer of the 
regiment by his name — ^has a great taste for increasing his majesty's 

. liie^es, and delights in London porter. To this genius of frow 
I have never ceased to entertain the most thrilling abhorrence ; and 
yet how often have I seen what appeared to be pretty and inte- 
resting girls, fall into something of this sort ! and how often have I 
vowed any fate to myself rather than become the husband of a 
baggage-wagon wife. 

Had all my most sanguine hopes promised realizing — ^had my 
«mt with Lady Jane b^n &.vourable, I could scarcely have bid 
adieu to my bachelor life without a sigh. No prospect of future 
happiness can ever perfectly exclude all regret at quitting our pre- 

isent state forever. I am s^re, if I had been a caterpillar, it would' 
have been with a heavy heart that I would have donned my wingti 
as a butterfly. Now the metamorphosis was reversed : need it be 
wondered if I were sad ? 

So completely was I absorbed in my thoughts upon this matter^ 
liiat I had not perceived the entrance of O'Leary and Trevanion, 
who, unaware of my being- in the apartment, as I was stretched 
«pon a sofa in a dark comer, drew their chaio towards the fire and 
tegan dmtting. 

" Do you know, Mr. Trevanion," said O'Leary, "I am half 
.afraid of this disguise of mine. I sometimes think I am not like a 
Pola; and if she should discover me — — " 

<<No fear. of that in the world; your costume is perfect, yoitt 
beard unexceptionable. I could, perhaps, have desired a little lesi 

paunch ; but then -" 

^ That comes of fretting, as Falstaff says ; and you must not f<Hr- 
|(et that I am 1)anish{od.from my country." 
*^ Niow, as to your oonvenation,! should adviaeyour saying TWjr 



i»8 

IJjirii-ttOjt mo wwrd .^ Bnflidi. ¥oii may, if 71m like, catt niiAe 
jwiatttAoe of Iriflh wtien bard pressed/' * 

^< I have my fears on that bgo^^ Tbefe is no kaaotring urbaire 
that might lead to diacovery. You kaow the atory of the Knight 
V.Kerry and Billy M^Cabe?'' ' 

^1 fear I must coixfess jmy igfiowtnce— I havenevertoaudof h;''' 

^ Theu maybe you never knew O^s Daxon?'' 

^ I have not that pleaeure either.'^ 

'** Lard bieas jBe, how fttraange that is ! I thought he was better 
JBmwm than the Duibie of WeU jfigUm, or die ;trEV.eiliDg piper. WieU, 
I must tell you the story^ jEor it has :a moval, too-^^idoajy sevienil 
morals ; but you'll find that out for yomsel£ Well, it seems tiiat 
tme day the Knight of Kerry was walking along the Strand in 
Xiondon, killing an hour^s timej till the House was done prayers, 
AAd Hume tired of hearing bimaelf speaking ; his eye was caught 
bf an enormous picture displayed upon the v^ «of a bouee, nepre- 
tSeBtiog a human figure ooveved with long, dai^ hair, with huge 
Xiaiis upon his hands, and a mo$t fearful expiSBskiB ^f fitce. At 
£m the Knight thought it was Dr. Bowsing rbuton coming nearar 
J2e heard a man with a soarkt livery ajid a eeisked hat, cail 4Mtt, 
^ Walk in, ladies and gentJemeo-^the most vonderfultRuiosity eircr 
jaKhibited— -only ooe iSiilUng'-^Hdie wild man fronn Obippoooirai^io, 
fin Africay — eats taw witlals without being(eoolBed,.andnEiS2ny otbsr 
^iwpnsing and pleasing perfonnaocea.^ 

<< The Knight paid his money, and was admitted. At first Aie 
0tow.i prevented his seaiog any .1hiiig'--for the place was fid to 
fMffaoation, and the neise aw&il — ^for, besides the e3)clamatioiis<aDd 
4V)^plause of (the fiudience, there were Ikhree harrdKirgans, playii^ 
'JE^me, sweet Home!' and <<7faepry iUpe,' and ^the ^Id loaa 
bimaelf contrihijitsid his shane to the uparoar. At last, the Knight 
i^tblained) by dint of squeeemg, snd .seme pnshittg:, a pfaMse in die 
.ifiiottt, when, to his very gseat hoieror, be beheld a figwre that fat 
eclipsed the portrait without doors. 

^ lit was a lasisii fiearJy flaked,'Ooireised with k»ig,^sha^*y i!Mrir,dhat 
Ipew even over Ms nose and eheak^bones. £fe sprang ahoiit,6opB- 
ftmes^n his feet,sometimes oe all fours, bittalvays utteri^f thesnost 
tmrbil yella^afid ^glaring upon the crowd, i&ainaiiner that was 
really dangerous. The Knight did not feel exactly 'bapfpy «t the 
Wboh proceedtng, and began heartily to wish himself back in the 
^ Himm,' ev«n upon a oaauoaittee of privileges, wben, suddenly^ 
the savage gave a more franloB acream t!haii before, and seiflod 
lifKin a morsel of jaw beef, whidh a keeper extended to fain oipon 
# long fork, like a tandem whip*^be sms not safe, it appears, at 
close quarters; — this he tore to pieces eagerly, and :devonred in dne^ 
JHOst TOSaoious manner, ansid fpi^ dapping of liands, and other 
evidences of satisfaction from the audience. I'll gii, now, thoi^t 
4W Soiciiti Ai ^Ood kflosm wiietfaac^ in his hungry moods^ ho 



mi|ji<:no» fitnef '(<y €»nelad« hisi diottet bf s Htenlwr &fip$siiSsaxmm 
Ji»r«^thi8 ksstsm^flome' sounds strocfc upon Kteeavstiiatsurpiisdtf 
hJRBi not a Kttle. Be listened more attentirety ; and^ eotle^i«rey W 
yovt can, his amazement, to find that, amid his most fea^pflil orjles^r 
and wild yells, iStie savage^ was talking foish. Laugh, if yon^ like^;' 
bat it'9 truth I am tiBllmg* you ^ nothing less than Msh. There* he* 
xmsV^jamping four feet high inthe air, eating his raw Baeat;in^ng 
out his? hair by handfUk; and; antid alt this, emsiHg tbe^ whole 
company to his heart's content, in as good Irish as ever wa9 heard' 
iwlTmlee. Now, though* «he Knight bad heard of red Jew9 and 
white negroes, he had never happened- to read s£ay aceonnt of an 
Aftiban Irishmaia,; set, he fotened very closely, and hy dtegrees^ 
n^ only the wordi were kn^iwn to him, butf ^e^ very voice wnr 
fmriUar. At length, something he heard, teft rre further donM 
upon hie mind^ and, tammg to the savage, bef addressed bim im 
Ikkhj at the saiae time fixing a look of most scratinizing hafipovi^ 
upmhim, 

^ Who are you, you scoundrel P' said the Knight 

^ Billy at'Cabe, y^ur honour." 

^ And what d» you mean by playing off these tricks here, insdeadT 
of earnntg^ 3^ur bread like an honest man ?" 

"Whist," said Billyj"and keep the secret: Pm earning 4be' 
wwt for yo»r honouR- One must do many a queer thing that pays* 
two pound ten an acpe for bad land." 

This was enough : the Knight wished Billy every success, and 
left him amid the vociferoius applause of a wel^nsatisfied aafdience; 
This advetatnre, it seems, hae made the we^thy kiiight a great friend' 
to the iiit»od«ction' of poor laws ; for he remarks very truly, " more' t 
of Billy ^»countrym«a might take a fency to a savage life, if tfae> 
siecret was found on^.'' 

It was impossible for me to preserve my incognito, as Mr. O'Leary 
cMidtrded his story, and I was obliged to join in the mirth of Tire- 
vmilon, whO' laughed IoikI and long as he' fintshetd it 



CHAPTER XXXIX, 



IKLbaat and Itovamion had scarcely teft the room ivfien Ae 
waiter e«tered wiA two tetters^-— the one bom a (>ermaa> po0(^ 
aaorh^and waa in the well-known hand of Lady CalIonby^--*4k» 
cithflr iw a writing wilii wbte^ C war no less^^familiaj^-^thait of' 
Emily Bingham. 

IjBft mxpam whu han^buen patieni enongli to fifXhm smb tliYOil||fh 



aiO cosiBsaiom ov haeut LomuM|v»m. 

dieae ^ CoDlsBsioiifi/' oooeeii^e my agitation at this moment Th«re - 
lay my fate before me, coupled, m all likelihoq^ with a view of 
what it might have been under happier auspices-Tat least so m 
anticipation did I read the two unopened epistles. My late inter* 
view with Miss Bingham left no doubt upon my mind that I had 
secured her affections; and acting in accordance with the counsel, 
of TYevanioUy no less than of my own sense of right, I xesolved 
upon marrying her, with what prospect of happiness I dared not,to 
think of! 

Alas ! and alas ! there is no infatuation like the taste for flirta*. 
tion— 4nere empty, valueless, heartless flirtation. You hide the . 
^ce*box and the billiard queue, lest your son becomes a gam6ler 
-**you put aside the racing calendar, lest he imbibe a jockey pie-, 
dailection — ^but you never tremble at his fondness for white muslin, 
and a^ satin slipper, far more dangerous tastes though they be, and. 
infinitely more perilous to a man's peace' and prosperity than all 
the " queens of trumps" tjiat ever figured, whether on pasteboard 
.or the Doncaster. <' Woman's my wakeness, yer honor,'' said an 
honest Patlander, on beipg charged before the lord mayor with 
having four wives living ; and. without having any such ^< Alge- 
rine act" upon my conscience, I must, I fear, enter a somewhat 
similar plea for my downfallmgs, and avow, in humble gratitude, 
that I have scarcely had a misfortune through life unattributable 
to them in one way or another. And this I say without any refer- 
ence to country, class, or complexion, " blabk, brbwn, or fair," 
from my first step forth into life, a raw sub. in the gallant 4th, to 
this same hour, I have no other avowal, no other confession to 
, make. " Be always ready with the pistol," was the dying advice 
of aii Irish statesman to his sons : mine, in a similar circumstance, 
would rather be " Oardez vous dtsfemmes^ and more especially 
if they be Irish. 

There is something almost treacherous in the facility with which 
an Irish girl r'eceives your early attentions, and appears to like 
them, that invariably turns a young fellow's head very long before 
he has any prospect of touching htr heart. She thinks it so natu- 
ral to be made love to, that there is neither any affected coyness 
' nor any agitated surprise. She listens to your declaration of love 
as quietly as the chief justice would to one of law, and refers the 
decision to a packed jury of her relatives, who rarely recommend 
you to mercy. Love and fighting, too, are so intimately united in 
Ireland, that a courtship rarely progresses without at least one ex- 
change of shotis between some of the parties concerned. My first 
twjantyrfour hours in Dublin is so pleasantly characteristic of this, 
that I may as well relate it here, while the subject is before us ; be-» 
sides, as these ^< Confessioiis'.' are intended as warnings and guides 
to youth, I msjy oony^y a useful lesion, showing why a-man should 
not "make love in the dark." 

H was uponaraw^iOold, driz^sling moaning in February, 18^, 



OQirvsf»oiis OF sikftKT i^emmB^MB. Hi 

tiuit om regimeftt landed on the north vail from Liverpool^' whmioo 
we bad been hurriedly ordered to repress some riots and disturb- 
ances then agitating Dublin. ^ 

We marched to ihe Royal Barracks, our band playing Patrick's 
Day, to the very considerable admiration of as naked a population 
as ever loved music. The — ^th dragoons were at the same time 
quartered Uiere — bright pleasant jovial fellows, who soon gave us 
to understand that the troubles were over before we arrived, and thai 
the great city authorities were now returning thanks for their pre- 
servation from fire and sword, by a series of entertainmentis of the 
most costly, but somewhat incongruous kind— the company being 
storce less mSlie than the dishes. Peers and playactors, judges 
and jailors, archbishops, tailors, attorneys, ropemakers and apothe- 
caries, all uniting in the festive delight of good feeding, and drink-* 
ing the "glorious memory" — ^but of whom half the company 
knew not, only surmising " it was something agin the papists.'^ 
You may smile, but thesd were pleasant times, and I scarcely care 
xo go back there since they were changed. But to return. The 
-^h had just received an invitation to a ball, to be given by the 
high sheriff, and to which they most considerately said we should 
also be invited. This negotiation was so well managed that be- 
fore noon we all received our cards from a green liveried youth 
mounted upon a very emaciated pony-^the whole turn-out not 
auguring flatteringly of the high sheriffs taste in equipage. 

We dined with the — ^th, and, as customary before going to an 
ev^iing party, took the " other bottle*' of claret that lies beyond 
the frontier of prudence. In fact, from the lieutenant-colonel 
down to the newly^joined ensign, there was not a face in the ^axt^ 
that did not betray " signs of the times,'' that boded most favour- 
ably for the mirth of the sherifPs ball. We were so perfectly up 
to theLmark,that our major, a Connemara man, said^ as we left the 
mesi^room, " a liqueure glass would spoil us." 
^ In this acm^ of our intellectual wealth, we started about eleven 
o'clock upon every species of conveyance that chance could press 
into the service. Of hackney coaches there were few — ^but in jin- 
gles, noddies and jaunting-cars, with three on a side and " one in 
the well," we mustered strong— down Barrack-street we galloped,. 
the mob cheering us, we laughing, and, I'm afraid, shouting a |ittle, 
too — ^the watchmen springing their rattles, as if instinctively, at 
noise, and the whole population up and awake, evidently enter- 
taining a high opinion of our convivial qualities. Our voices be- 
came gradually more decorous, however, as we approached the 
more, civilized quarter of the tpwn ; and with only the slight stop- 
page of the procession to pick up an occasional dropper-off, as ho 
lapsed from the seat of a jaunting-car, we arrived at length at our 
host's residence,4^omewhere in Sackville-street. ' • ' ' 

Had our advent conferred the order of knighthood upon the 
host, he. could not tttve recdved ns with more ^^ empressement^ 



ns 

Bi'tlraoh U9 allio lumby ih« bmd, tor ih» nmnter ofcifliiiinaJ 
tkdrtjy and then* prdstnled hb seriatim ta hin qwus^a^vefy^bv^ 
jewelled lady of some forty yeftrs — who, w4iat between bilging 
fsatheisj and her tovbam^ looked ezoesaivel^ IUdb a Cbmeserpagvda 
iftpoa a saucer. The rooms' were erowded to sttfibeadon-^tlM 
Botse awfiil — and the company crashing and elbowing father m 
limle more than you expect where the moiety are of the soAw am. 
HoweTer, <<m» ^^haUiui ^ touit^' say^etb the pc&ineirby and vilk 
truth, for we all so* perfectly fell io with, the habits of the pla«8| 
Aat, ere half aa: hour, we s^ezed, ogledy leered^ anddrankebaiBk 
fa^e Uke the rest of the oorpoiaDmiw 

^< Devillisb hot work, thisy'* said the cokmeivashe passed m» with 

two rosy-cheeked, smiling ladiea on eithec asm $ ^ the) naafw 

• -^thai little fellow in the pu&ch*coloured shorts^-haa very neartp 

fliit me hor^i du oamhat with champagne ; take eaie of him^ I aid* 

rtoe you." 

^ Tipsy as. t felt myself, I was yet suffieientiy clear to be fbify 
alive \xy the drollery of the aeene before me. Fiirtationa that, 
wder other drouraatanees, wouki demand the secrecy and sofitiide 
#jf a. country green lane, or soB»e> g^en bower, were hese coiv* 
dueted in all the open effrontery of wax lights and li^tres ; looks 
were interchanged, hands wave squeezed, and soiGt things whi»» 
yered^and smilea returned; till dae intoxication of ^^ punch negua'^ 
and spiced port, gave way to the far greater one of bright k»oke 
aod tender glances. Quadrilles and country dances — ^wakzing 
4;iere was none, (perhaps all lor the best) — ^whist, backgammon^ 
!i»9— unlimited for uproar — ^sandwiches, and warm lk{uois^ enoh 
ployed us pretty briskly till supper was announced, when a grand 
sqioaeze took place on the stairs — ^the population tending tluthev^ 
ward with an eagerness, that a previous starvation of twenty-foOB 
' hcfurs cottki alone justify. Among this dense mass of movingi 
muslin; velvet and broadcloth, I found myself chaperoning an 
fwtremely dempting little daoisel, with & pair of laughing: blue 
•yes, and dark eyelashes, who had been committed to my careand, 
gjlydance lor the passage.^' 

<^ Miss Moriority, Mr. Lorrequer,'^ said an old lady in graen.aiid 
spangles, who I afterwardsr found was the lady mayoress. 

^Tbe nicest girl in the room,'' said a gentlemsm. widi a Tippe- 
l«ry acoeirt, ^ and has a mighty nice place near AtUnne.'' 

The hint was not lost upon me, and I speedily began tofime 
taimaMe to my charge ; and before we reached the supper raem^ 
learned certain particulars of her history, which I have not yet 
jiKgot. She was, it seems, sister to a lady then in the room, the: wife 
ef an attorney, who rejpieed in the pleasing and daancal a^ppeiiak 
Ijan of Mr. Mark Anthony Fitzpatrick; the aibresaid Mark iaih 
thony being a tall, raw-boned, biad£*whi;rifisrad,m*loohin|^ dof, 
ttmt from time t» time contrived to thvow vnry nncomfevtable 
Bsoking gUnoeaai me and Mavy Annn^iSoor ahn won sni muMd^thn 



«f Mpp». AfioE a lev »uii^«8^howOT«^ I tMyB|r 
fiHgpl himi.aady indeed, every? tbiiig eisa, in the fiurcinejtion :o£ nag 
&ir aoaqpAuioiu She abased her ehair with me, npon which I sii^ 
poetad bet b^ my: arm passed muod the hack ; we ate our pickls4 
mdmfMih i^^f> blaoi^ mange, cold chiokeo, haufy and custard^ off the 
me» plat€^ withaa oecasianal squeeze of the fiager^ aa out baods 
wafr-l-bef eyes making sad havoc wi^ me all the while, as I pouml 
Wf tale of love*— We, ktsting^ burning, all-consumipgH4nto limt 
Mi mtwiUuig ear. v 

*^ Ah! now, ye'r mA in earnest?*' 

« Yes! Mary Anne, by all that'si *' 

*^ Wdl^ tbeeen^w, don't 9waary.aBA tabe caie^-^ore Mack 4fl^ 
tiK»ny' ia Iaokiag*f '^ 

« JMbirk AnHuiny be '' 

<• Obi! how pasttonate you aora; Vxxk suxb I never could live tnaif ' 
itnihyimi Thei?e, now, give me aome sfongeoake^ and donft ben 
<piecghig Qieji or dioy '11 see^ you." 

«< Ye8». to aqr hearty deacest.girL" 

<< Oefa^Hi. oheeee you're giving, m»," said she, with a griraacw 
tkftirncndy eaifed my passion. 

^ A cottage, a hut, with you— wilh ycm^" said. I, in acadewei 
Umlk hieiy Mactmdy to rival*-*^ what is worldly spleiuk)ur,or ther 
mmpiBf glitter of rank •'' 

I heraglanoBcl at my epaulettes, on^whieh I saw her eyes riveted. 

^ Isn't the ginger beer beautifttl?" aaid she,, emptying a glass c€. 



lill I was not to be roused from my trance, and continued mgi 
QomrlBbip as warmly as ever. 

^ t aupposo you'U oomevhomie^ now/' said a gruff voice behind 
Miury Anne. 

I t«med and perceived Mark Antlymy, with a. grim look of pe^ 
cuUar import. 

f^ Ohy Mark, dear, I'm engaged, to danee another set with this • 
gMvtleman«" 

" Ye are, are ye ?" replied. Mark, eyeing me askance. "Trothi 
and I think the gentleman would ba better if be went off to his 
flashbag himselH" 

Inr my then, mystified iateHeot this west country synonyme &v m 
bed a little puzzled me. 

^Yes,mr, thakdjris eng^ed to me: have yea any thing to^ 
say to that?" 

<< Nothing at presimt^ at all," said Mark,, almost timidly. 

<^ Oh dear, oh dear," sobbed Mary Aaue; ^ they're goiiigi to £gll^ 
attd he'll be killed-«^I know he will." 

Bor which of. us this faie was destined, I sti^ped not to comt-^ 

d«r, but taking the lady under my arm,, elbowed my way to tbl»P 

dnwing-reoffia,. amid a. very sufficient patting upon &e baek^aQdl' 

tbwwptng betsestt. Ibe soMiides^. bestowed bp mmabezs oi Hm 

27 «B 



414 eoN^Essibirs ot haxht rosBXamBB. 

company who approved of my proceedings. ^ The tiiiee fiiiitt^ 
the nute. and bassoon, that formed our band, being by this time 
auflfciently drank, played after a fashion of their own, whidi, by 
one of those strange sympathies of our nature, imparted its inflo* 
ence to our legs, and a country dance was performed in a style of 
free and easy gesticulation that defies description. At the end of 
eighteen couple, tired of my exertions — and they were not slij^ 
— ^I leaned my back against the wall of the room, which I now, 
for the first time, perceived Vas covered with a very peculiar and 
novel species of hanging — ^no less than a kind of rough, greea 
baise cloth, that moved and floated at every motion of the air. I 
paid little attention to this, till, suddenly turning my head, sonle* 
thing gave way behind it. I felt myself struck upon the back of 
the neck, and fell forward into the room, covered by a perfect^ 
avalanehe of fenders, fire-irons, fir3ring-pans, and copper kettles, 
mingled with the lesser artillery of small nails, door keys, and told^ 
fasts. There I lay, amid the most vociferous mirth I ever listened 
to, under the confounded torrent of ironmongery that half-stunned 
me. The laughter over, I was assisted to rise, and having drank 
about a jpint of vinegar, and had my face and temples washed is 
strong whiskey punch — the allocation of the fluids being mistaken, 
I learned that our host, the high sheriff, was a celebrated tin and 
iron man, and that his salles de reception were no other than bis 
magazine of metals, and that to conceal the well filled shelves from 
the gaze of his aristocratic guests, they were clothed in the manner 
related; which my unhappy bead, by some misfortune, displaced, 
and thus brought on a calamity scarcely less afllicting to him than 
to myselfl I should scarcely have stopped to mention this here, 
were it not that Mary Anne's gentle nursing of me in my misery 
went far to complete what her fascination had begun; andallhou^ 
she could not help laughing at the occurrence, I forgave her readily 
for her kindness. 

" Remember," said I, trying to ogle through a bla<^k eye, painted 
by the angle of a register grate — ^** remember, Mary Anne, I am 
to see you home." 

" Oh ! dear, sir, sure I don't know how you can manage it ^ 

Here Mark Anthony's entrance cut short her speech, for he came 
to declare that some of the^ officers had taken his coach, and was, 
as might be supposed, in a towering passion. 

*^If, sir," said I, with an air of the most balmy eourtesy — ^« KI 
can be of any use in assisting you to see your friends home——'* 

*^ Ah ! then, ye'r a nice looking article to see ladies home. I 
wish you seen yourself this minute," said he. 

As I felt it would be no breach of the imities — ^time, place, and 
everything considered— to smash his skull, I should certainly have 
proceeded to do so, had not a look of the most imploring kind ttom 
Mary Anne restrained me. By this time, he had taken her under 
<he arm, and was leadmg her away. I stood iiiresoltite, till a glance 



coirnssioKs of harry lobbeqi7£x* 315*' 

Ami my ehurmer caught me ; when I rallied at oncey and followed 
them down stairs. Here the scene was to the full as amusing aa 
above; the cloaking^, shawling, shoeing, &c. of the ladies being cer- 
^nly as mirtti-moying a process as I should wish to see. Here 
were mo&ers trying to collect their daughters, as a hen her chickens,, 
and, as in that case, the pursuit of. one usually lost all the others ; 
testy papas swearing, lovers leering,. as they twisted the boaa 
rcHmd the fair throats of their sweethearts ; vows of love, min- 
gling with lamentations for a lost slipper, or a stray mantle. Some*- 
times the candlls were extinguished, and the melie becaine 
greater, till tine order and light were restored together. Mean-^ 
while, each of our fellows had secured his fair one, save myself, 
and I was exposed to no small ridicule for my want of savoir-' 
/aire. Nettled by this, I made a plunge to the corner of the rooni^ . 
where Mary Anne was shawling; 1 recognised her pinksash,- 
threw her cloak over her shoulders, and at t^e very moment that 
Mark Anthony drew his wife's arm within his, I'performed ther 
same by my friend, and follow^ed them to the door. Here, the 
grim ,brother4n4aw turned round to take Mary Anne's arm, and 
seemg her with me, merely gave a kind of hoarse chuckle, and 
muttered, *^ Very well, sir : upon my conscience, you will have it^ 
I flee.'' During this brief .interval, so occupied was I in watching 
him, that I never once looked in my fair friend's face ; but the^ 
gentle squeeze of her arm, as she leaned upon me, asisured me 
that I had her approval of what I was doing. 

Whut were the precise train of my thoughts, and what the sub- 
jects of conversation between us, I am unfortunately now unable: 
to recollect. It is sufficient to remember, that I couki not believe- 
five mhmtes had elapsed, when we arrived at York-street. ^'Thea. 
you confess you love me,^' said I, as I squeezed hqrarm to my side.. 

.«< Then by this kiss," said I, " I swear never to relinquish"——* 

What I was about to add, I am sure I know not ; but true it is, 
that a certain smacking noise here attracted Mr. Mark AAthony V 
attention, who started round, looked us full in the f^ce, and then' 
gravely added, ^ Enough is as good as a feast. I wish vou pleasanjt 
drames, Mr. Larry Ear, if that's your name ; and you'll hear from^ 
me iti the nooming." 

** I intend it," said I. «* Good night, dearest; think of ^." 

The slam of the street door in my face spoiled the peroration,, 
and I turned towards home. 

By the time I reached the barracks, the united eflTects of cham-- 
pagtfe, sterry, and Sheffield iron, had, in a good measure subsided, 
and my head had become kifficiently clear to permit a slight retio- 
apect of the evening's amusement. 

From two illuaons I was at least awakened :— -First, the high 
sheriff's ball was not the most accurate representation of high so- 
eifity ; secondly, I was not deeply enamouied of Mary Anne Mori- 
any. Strange as it may seem, and how little soever the apparent^ 



3U« 

cMMOtioQ betAv^aan tbose two facts^ the tratfi of omr haAui 
dim^ iniiieiice' in deciding tfa«( otheK IPimpariey said' ^ Hm 
thing is a¥«ef ;. it witti father good fiui, too^npqn theyfikol^^'-^mrixxg 
thfi ^'chuJte des-casMroteS'^!' and as to'tha lady » dw^ muse hflpseiesn 
% was a joke a» wdl as-myselfl At least, 8a*t am dscidaAil sktttt 
be';,aad>aatheve<wasno witness jo our oooxrersatRm, tile tttog i» 
easUir got ottt'Of.. 

The folio wtkg day^.asl was* dieasisg to ride out, myae Hwa H^ 
anoouttced »» less a penM)n tham Mrt Matfe Amtasap FitBcpatiJdb^ 
wdMSraaid ^< that he came: upon, a little business^ add most see- ma 
hnraadlatelyu^' 

Me.. Fitspatriok, uDon b^ngr agmounoBd, speedUiy' o^nned Msf 
nsgM^tion Ixf asUng, in vearjr terse and uneqaivooai phrase^ asp 
intenlioDd ragaeding his sister4nrlaw.. After professing Hbe mos^ 
{Mssfeat asConishanentSai.the question, and ita possible smpurt,^] W» 
jUaAj that she was a mostcharmingpemoiv with, whom I itEteiids& 
t« baY^.nodiing Whatever to do. 

^^Andimay be youmevser proposed fbc hasrait the bail last nigfii?^ 

<< Propose' Un a lady at a ball the first time I war mat hev P'' 

^ Just so. Can you eanry your memory 99 far badbf or, peilnifs 
Ihad'.batter refresh it;'' and he here repeated the wiiole subMnM' 
aS mf Gonversation on the way homeward, somaCfmesiia the lANry 
words iuead^ 

<^ But,, my dear sis,. the yonng lady could never have suppooad- 1 
used such langyage as this you hanre repeated?'' 

^< So^.theny youf uitandto breads aff ^ Well, the9,it's;r^t lO'lMl 
y«u, that.y4»a're in a. very ugly scrape^ fov it waamyw^yotttaaift 
home last nigbt^-^ttdt Mbs Morkity ;. and I teaire you to ehoosa*ai: 
ynm leisuna^whether 3fon'd rather be- dksfendant m asuitlw biaacii' 
of promise^ or<seduatiaa ; and, upoa my consttiance, L thiidc it^cisar 
in* me to^-ghnai you 9 ahoice." 

What apmtty disdesnre. was. herei! So that whil» I waa ima^ 
giningi Akyself sfoeasing tlia hand and wimnng Aa faaait of ^- 
tm MoMff Aflney I waa merely making- a caso af strong emdmt» 
faa a jniyy th»l.inigbt expose me to the' worid,.a]]ii half min me im 
dsm^asi. IThora waa* but one course^ openn-^to malce a fight fti 
it;, and, from what I saw of my friend Mark Anthony, tiiia ^ nff 
seem diffieult. 

I aeaordmgjly^aaaQimd a- high tone^hi^bei aBftttiaentiia aUkir 
— said it was a ^^ way we had in the army^'^^^hat *'iM nara» meaai^ 
aof thing: by it,?' fie. te; 

M. a fiKw miiixilad I peroeived tbsr bait was talcing: M». m»- 
potrkik^iiwaBtcoaiitorf blood; was np;. aH tfioogfae or the* legal mk 
source was abandoned ; and he ismg onTof tbe mom to fiiiAat 
firfand, J hanFitif gitan him that name af ^ one- of ours^' aa mftie 
upam tko drcaaion* 

Yauy IHtte tians^was loat^^fiir bafinre Araa; o'dock tiiar s&mttm 
I wm fiaMdfoa tbafoUaaRmymaraiagfitt lii^IfiHtfi Betb 



Q#lippiiiiairs ^ oi^w MKwavw* ill 

mAI JipidjIbeaSiktisfiRci^.of beacing ith^ I oi^yMoa^ ^^ vm*. 
%ftaq|;ielQ^anQe of Jlcdm^ iu the JCing'rs Seooht to be <^ j^lafiipcK^ 
idltby ti9^vb08t<9bpt,an the wesjtora mwit Tbe tb^^hl wa» tn0 
vay agreeable, and I indemnified myself for the scrape by a mqf^ 
mtiiwiPxy ftiuAheeQa iq^o^ the fai^ «betiff wd Jm bodl, i»id diis 
confounded sauoepauB^ for to th^ .ladyfa isgrmpatby for my>aufi€p* 
ings I attributed much of my folly. 

At eight, the next morning I found myself standing with Curzon 
and the doctor upon that Jbkak portion of her majesty's dominion 
they term the North Bull, waiting in a chilly rain, and a raw fog, 
till it pleased Mark Anthony Fitzpatrick to come and shoot me — 
such being the precise tiarina of ^iirtOQ|i|bat, in the opinion of all 
parties. 

The time, however, pmM m, and^alf-past eight, three quarters, 
and at last nine o'clock, without his appearing; when, just as Cur- 
mmJaiBLd strnhfi^d upon iGur leaving Ibe grouaoLi a hack jauAting-< 
0ir m»B 9Qm driving at £all speed along the noad near m. Jt caiM 
Miwr^itfa^.at tenglb (toew nf ; two mm lea|)^d.off find came 'to- 
wards us; one of whom, as he came forward, took off .his vhwt 
pattlfilfy apd uiti»idJUoed hunself as Mr. O'Gorman, the fighting 
jfiamd i:^ M^ Jjiibmy* 

^ Wb a laigfady unpkmswit buamaas I'm coioa upon, gmUmim^'* 
nlodibe ; *^3At. flitzpatriok has been unavoidably pnevented j&mei 
J^NM^inglbie biQ)pkie9ft |o n»9et yion4hiiB morniqg^-i — '' 

^ Thfto you can't expect m, sir, to daia^ce attend wee .«pon Mm 
4|if re %»^mo&Qw/^ asAd Cim^cm, int€ai:iapting. 

^ By no sammsa: of a»(w«s, ■ ' xeplied the other, placidly.; « for it 
««PViuld be aQually iMonyenietit for him to be here then. But J 
iiw^ o^ly to nay^ th&t .a» Fm here for my fx^iond, and know.aU tbfi 
pirUoukyra'fif ;tbeM8ft^e, maybe you'd have the Jdndness to w^ve 
iill etiquette, jind let me 9tand in his plaoe.'' 
, ^ Qeminif Mid most dec^dly nott,'' said Cuxzon. ^ Wum ^- 
iipMte !*«^^by^ sir, w^ tove no quarrel with you; wv^x stw y^ou 
before/' . 

" Well, now, isn't this iiard ?'' said Mr. O'Gorman, addressing 
his^wnd, wbo ttood by with a pistol-case under his arm ; " but I 
told Mark that I was sure they'd be standing upon punctilio, for 
^y w«re English. Well, sir,"' said. M^ turtspg towards Curzon,. 
^^itbeire's imt ooe way to arxange it now, that I see. Mjt. Fits- 
pHik^yio^ fltust know^ was arrested this jKiorning ff^r a^trifi)^ 0[ 
1402. If y<ou or your friend there, will join us in the bail> we 
f«Mpt geit him odI, and he'll fight fm in the mornicig to your satiji- 
feutjoa." 

When the astonisbmenl this proposal bad cheated subsided, we 
MSUiTsd Mr. O'Gorman that we were noways disposed to pay sueh 
a price for our amusement-^a fact that seemed oonsidembly to 
jvurprise both him and his iriendw-^ustd adding^ that to Mr. Fiti:- 
ffHrick, personally^ we should feel bound to bold ourselves pledged 

27* 



S18 OONMBMrSOM or RAKBT IK^HRS^CTBE. 

at a ftatuie period, we left the groundy Carzon lav^ihbg heaitilf 
at the original expedient thus suggested, ^nd I mwaidly pio*- 
nounced a most glowing eulogy on Ate law of imprisonment for 

' Before Mr. Fitzpatrick obtained the benefit of the act, we w«re 
turdered abroad, and I have never since heard of him. 



CHAPTER XLI. 

THE TWO LXTTXBS. 



. Fbom the digression of the last chapter I was recalled by the 
sight of the two letters which lay during my reverie, unopened 
-before me. I first broke the seal of Lady Callonby's epistle, vriAck 
•ran thus : - 

Munich, La Oroiz, BUndie. 
'* My dear Mr. Lorrequer : — I have just heard from Kilkee, tfa^t 
you are at length about to pay us your long promised visit, and 
•write these few lines to beg that before leaving Paris you will 
kindly execute for me the commissions of which I enclose a ft^r* 
tnidable list, or at least as nmny of them as you can conveniently 
accomplish. Our stay here now will be so short, that it will re^ 
-quire all your despatch to overtake us bc^fere reaching Milan, Lady 
Jane's health requiring an immediate change of climate. Otur 
present plans are, to winter in Italy, although such will interfcro 
<x)nsiderably with Lord Callonby, who is pressed much by bia 
' friends to accept o&ce. However, all this and our ottier gossip I 
teserve for our meeting. Meanwhile, adieu; and if any of my 
•* fimplettes^ bore you, omit them at once, except th» white roses 
and the Brussels veil, which Lady Jane is most anxious for. 

"Sincerely yours, 

"CHARI.OTTS CaLIiOKBT." 

How muph did these few and apparently common-place lines 
<M>nvev to me ? First, my visit was not only expected, but actually 
looked forward to, canvassed — perhaps I might almost whisper to 
myself the flattery — ^wished for. Aj^ain, Lady Jane's healthiwaa 
spoken of as precarious, less actual illnes&-^I said to- myself— than 
mere delicacy, requiring the bluer sky and warmer airs of Italy. 
Perhaps her spirits were affected — some mental malady — some 
ill-placed passion — que saisje f In fact, my brain run qn so fitft 
^in^its devisings, that by a quick process, less logical than plearing, 
I satisfied myself that the lovely Lady Jane Callonby was actually 
4rLlo«e9 with whom let the reader guess at. And Lord Cidlonby , Xm, 



COfTFSSSIONS OF HABRf LORBSQITtiH. 31§ 

^bout to join the ministry— well, all the better to hare one's &th»* 
in4aw in power — ^promotion is so cursed slow now-a-*days. And, 
lastly, th6 sly allusion to the commissions-^the meehanceih of Intro- 
(iucing her name to interest me. With such matetials as these to 
build upon, frail as they may seem to others, I found no difficulty 
in regarding myself as the dear friend of the family, and the 
acknowledged suitor of Lady Jane. i 

In the midst, however, of ^11 my self*«atulation, my eye fell 
upon the letter of Emily Bingham, and I suddenly remembered 
how fittal to all such happy anticipations it might prove. I tore it 
open in passionate haste, and read: 

" My dear Mr. Lorrequer: — As, from the interview we have had 
this morning, I am inclined to believe that I have gained your 
affections, I think that I^hould ill requite such a state of your feeling 
for me, were I to conceal that I cannot return you mine; in fact, 
they are not mine to bestow. This frank avowal, whatever pain 
it may have cost me, I think I owe to you to make. You will 
perhaps say, the confession should havebeen earlier; to which I 
Tep4y,it should have been so, had I known, or even guessed at, the 
nature of yonr feelings for me. Fpr-*-and I write it in all truth, 
ai»l perfect respect for you — I only saw in your attentions the flirt- 
ing habits of a. man of the world, with a very uninformed and 
ignprant^irl of eighteen, with whom> as it was his amusement to 
travel, he deemed it worth his while to talk, I now see, and bit-' 
leriy regret my error, yet deem it better to make this painful con- 
fession than suffer you to remain in a delusion which may involve . 
your happiness in the wrecjc of mine. I am most faithfully your 
friend, . Escix.y Bingham." 

What a charming girl she is, I cried, as I finished the letter; how ^ 
full of true feeling, how honourable, ho w straight-forward: and y^t 
it is devilish strange how* cunningly she played her part— and it 
seems now that I never did touch her affections; Master Harry, I 
begin to fear you are not altogether the awful lady-killer you Have 
been thinking. Thus did I meditate upon this singular note — 
,my delight at being once more **free" mingling with some chagrin 
&kt I was jockeyed, and by a young milsi^ of eighteen, too. Con- 
foundedly disagreeable if the mess knew it, thought I. Per Bae- 
cho — ^how they would quiz upon my difficulty to break off a match, ^ 
when the lady was only anxious to get rid of me. 

This affair must never come to their ears, or I am ruined; aftd 
now, the sooner all negotiations are concluded, the better. I must 
obtain/a meeting with Emily, acknowledge the truth and justice 
of all her views, express my deep regyet at the issue of the affahr, 
slyly hint that I have been merely playing her own game back 
upon her; for it would be the devil to let her go off with*the ide^. 
that she had singed me, yet never caught fire herself; so that we 
both shall draw stakes^ and part fne&dd, 



199 mnvMnairs om mmsu MUKfp^ 

IP interview, wd piioceeded to make as. formidable a toilet as% 
CjiMlId fpr the farthiQpmiiig meeting ; before I bad concluded whicSfa^ 
H^y^irbal answer bv her jtnaid informed me, that ^^Miss Singbajn 
fll^ ^<we, and ready to receive meJ^ 

^ I took my way ajpog jtbe corridpr^ I could not h^l^ feelii:^ 
that among all my singular scrapes ajid ^Qotbarrassing situation? 
fhiough life> my pre3ent mission was certainly not the least; the 
di^mty, such as it was, being considerably increased by my o^iro 
fiODfbuQded ^^ amour propre^^ that would not leave me satisfied 
with obtaining my liberty, if I could not insist upon coming off 
scatheless also. ]bi fact, I was not content to evacuate the fortress, 
if I were not to niaroh out with ail Ibe h«tMKin of war. This feel- 
ing I neither attempt to pa:tliate nor defend. I meggkj chionBola 
it, as are too many of these Oonfeesioos^'ais^ omtter'eif trulh, yelioflt 
<1^ less a subjeet fer sonrew.* 

My hand was upon the lock of the doer. I slopped, bmtailed, 
|ind listened. I certainly iieard soiielihiiig. Yes, it is too Iroe; 
^he is sobbing. What a total oreitiirow 4o aU my sel&ii rmAvmt 
all my egotistical plans, did that 4digfat cadence give. Sha Ufas 
cr^/ing ; her tears for the bitt^ pain die 'C^nctaded I was saS&amg ; 
Itimgling doubtless with sorrow for hw «wii soafoesof grief; ifer 
. it was clear to me that whoever may b«ve bees my favoured tvai^ 
JSxe attachment was either un^known to, or iiQynncttmed ksf Hm 
mother. I wished I had not bstened; all my detenttiiatiaiis veia 
completely routed, and as I opened Ae^door I felt my iieart faeatiay 
almost audibly against my side. 

fn a subdued half-ligbt — tempeved <bi»«igh the rose^orioied ai»> 
tainS], with a small Stores cup of newly-plucked moss-roses iipoft 
ij^ table-^^sat, or rather leaiaedf Emily Bingham, her face busied 
JA hier bands as I entered. She did Jaol hear my approach^ so thai 
I ]py9d above a minute to admiee the graceful character of her h^^^ 
imd the im uudulatiog curve of her neok and shoulders, before | 
iq^ke. 

« Miss Bingham,'' said I-r— 

She started — ^looked up-*-4ier dark blue eyes, brilliant thou^ 
J9arful, were fixed upon me for a second, as if searching my very 
ksmo^ thoughts. She held out her band, and, turning her head 
m^9 made room for me on the sofa beside her. Strange girl, 
thought I, that, in the very moment of breaking with a man for 
««¥er« puts on her most fascinating toilette, arrays herself in her 
fOPSt bewitching mamoker, and gives him a reception only cailcu- 
jMed to turn his head, and render him ten times more in love than 
0V!6r. Her hand, wlrich remained still in mine, was burning as if ' 
jja fever, and the convulsive movement of her neck and shoulders 
<8howe^me bow much this meetii^ cost her. We were both silent 
lill at lengdi, feelii^ that any chance interruption might leave us 
as fer as ever from understanding each other^ I resolved to begin 



« 9tf dear, diar Bmily/^ I^M, '' d04ii>t^ I 'entrant jtfyou^^Mto 
the misery I am this mommt'^oSBamg by letting^ tne see youdmi. 
Whaterer your wrongs lowaids me, thii is far loo heavy a retri- 
lmtk>n. My objeet was «ever to make you wi^tcliody if I «tOt ficH 
to obtain the bliss, to strive and make you happy." 
: *«<0/Harry*'-^hi8 Was Aie first fime she (had wet bo called me 
— ^ how like you, to thiift: of me— «f me, at sudi a time, as df ( 
*wufi not the cause 'of all otir present linhappmess-^but not wil- 
iEtiy, net intentionally. O, no, no— ^your attentionS'-^the flatter y 
4Mf your notice, took me at onoe, and, in the gratificatiott of mf 
"Mlf^steem, I foi^otaH else. I heard, too, that you were ^engaged 
to another, and believii^; as I did, that you were trifling with my 
afieetionii, I spafed no effort to win yours. leonfess it, I wished 
this with all my soul.'' 

"And now," said I, **fliat you hare gamed them^ — Here^was 
a jretty sequel to my weH matured p1ans1-J« And 'now, Emily" — 

**^ But have I really done so ?" said she, bnraiedty turning round 
and flxing her iarge full ey^ upon me, w^hHe one of her hania 
l^ayed conv«ulsively 'Ihrough my hair— ^<< have I ya«r heart-^our 
whole 'heart?" 

''''Oan you doubt it, dearest," said I, passionttlely presmg ter to 
tmy (bosom ; and at tfie same time, muttering, ^ What {he devil^s in 
Ihe wind now ; we are surelj^not going to patch up oureeparatkNi, 
land make love in -^tonest.^ 

"There i^e lay,4ier head upon my shoukkr, lier kmg, ibfowa, 
waving ringlets fiilUng looseiy across ^my fa^e and on my bosoaiy 
hcr%and in mine. What were her thoughts I -cannot guess ; minoj; 
0«4 forgive tne, wwe a fervent wish either tor hear mother's aj^- 
pearance, or that the hotel would euddenly take fire,ortR>me other 
extensive calamity arise to put the finishing stroke to 'this anibar- 
f assing eituatibn. 

9]<>ne of these, however, wnere H^esiined (to oeeur ; amd Emily iw 
MU and motionless as ehe was,.scarce seeming to breathe, andpalb 
as<[ealh. What can this mean, said I ; surely this is not the wfital 
'#ay to treat with a rejected suitor; if 4t be, Why ^en, by Jopitet, 
the successful one must father have the worst of 4t ; and I lermnAjr 
hope that Lady Jane be hot at this moment giviqg his congi to some 
disappointed swain. She slowly raised her long, black fringed 
eye-lids, and looked into my face, with an expression at orfce so 
tender and so plaintive, that I felt a struggle within myself whether 
to press her to my heart, or what the dense was the alterna- 
tive. I hope my reader knows, for I really do not. And after all, 
thought I, if we are to marry, I am only anticipating a little ; and 
if not, why then a " chaste mlute^^ as Winifred Jenkins calls it, 
she'll be none the worse for. Acting at once upon this resolve, I 
leaned downwards, and passing back her ringlets from her now 
flushed cheek, I was startled by my name, which I heard called 

dS 



mmtel tim^ in the corridor. The dpor at the «me instaiit was 
bnrtt suddenly open, and Trevanion appeared. 

'< Harry, Harry jLorrequ^r/' cried be, as he entered ; than sud- 
denly checUng hunself, added, ^ a thousand, ten thousand pardoas. 
But " 

^ But what,'' cried I, passionately, forgetting all save the sitoaiioii 

of poor Emily at thc^ moment, ^ what can justify'' 

. << Nothing, certainly, can justify such an intrusion," said Treva*- 
nion, finishing my sentence for me, ^ except the very near danger 
▼ou run this moment in being arrested. O'Leary's imprndeooe 
has compromised your safety, and you must leave Paris within ui 
hour. 

<< Oh, Mr. Treyanion," said Emily, who by this time had regained ^ 
a more befitting attitude, *^ pray speak out ; what is it ? is Harry-— 
. is Mr. Lorrequer, I mean, in any danger?" 

^< Nothing of consequence. Miss Bm^am, if he only act with 
pmdence, and be guided by his friends. Lorrequer, you will find * 
me in your apartments in half an hour — ^till then, adieu." 

While Emily poured forth question after question, as to the na- 
ture and extent of my present difficulty, I could not help thinking « 
^of the tact by which l^vanion escaped, leaving me to make my 
adieux to. Emily as best I might; for I saw in a glance that I 
must leave Paris at once. I, therefore, briefly gave her to under-^ 
stand the affair at the aalon — ^which I suspected to be the cause oi 
the threatened arrest ; and was about to profess my unaltered and 
unalterable attachment, when she suddenly stopped me. 

<< No, Mr. Lorrequer, no. All is over between us. We mvgt ' 
never meet again — never. We have been both playing a part. 
Good-by — good-by : do not altogether forget me — and once more, 
.Harry, good-by." 

What I might have said, thought, or done, I know not ; but the 
arrival of Mrs. Bingham's carriage at the door left no time for any 
Aing but escape. So, once more presnng her hand firmly to my 
lips, I said — ^ au revoiry Emily, au revoiry not good*b)r/' and 
rushing, fiom the room, regained my own, just as Mrs. Bingham 
reached the corridor. 



nofswMimwn ot mmmbw imxammn. M3 



CHAPTER XLII. 

urn. o'lbast's GAVTirmB. 

Doss she really care for me ? was my first question to mysctf as 

I left the room. Is Itus story about pre-engaged affections merely 

a got up thing, to try the force of my attachment for her? for^ if 

. Aot, her conduct is most inexplicable ; and great as my experience 

. has been iii such affairs, I airow mjrself out-manoeuYred. Wfedle 

I thought over this difficulty, l^evanion came up, and in a few 

words, informed n^e more fnUy upon what he hinted at before* It 

appeared that O'Leary, muphmorealiTe toUie impemtive necessity 

^of avoidiiig.detection by his sposa, than of inTolving himself with 

' the police, had thrown out most cburk and mysterious hints in the 

/hotel as to the reason of his residence at Paris; fully impressed ^ 

with the idea that, to be a good Pole, he need only tidbr ^^ceToin- 

. tiQUary ;'^ devote. to the powers below, all kings^ czars, and kaisers ; 

weep over the wrongs of his nation ; wear rather seed/habilimehts, 

and smoke profusely. The latter were^ with him eaisy conditions, 

an4 he so completely acted the former to the Itfe, that he had "been 

.that morning arrested in the Tuiltories gardens, under several 

: treasonable chaig^i — among others, the conspiracy, with some of 

, his compatriots, to murder the mimster of war. 

However laughable such ah accusation against poor O'Leary, 
one ^circumstance rendered the matter any thing but ludicrous. 
.Although he must come off free of this grave offence, yet, the salon 
tisB^sactipn would necessarily now become known ; I should be 
immediately involved, and my departure fixmi Paris prevented. 

^< So,'' said Trevan|pn, as he briefly laid before me the difficulty 
of my position, << you may perceive that, however strongly 3r0mr 
affections may be engaged in a certam quarter, it is quite as well 
to think of leaving Paris without delay. O'Leary's arrest will be 
IbUp wed by yours, depend upon it ; and om^ under the surveillance 
of the police, escape ia impossible.'' 

** But, seriou^rty, Trevanion,'' said I, nettledat the tohe of raiUery 
he spokQ in, ^< you must see that there is nothing whatever in that 
business. I was merely taking my farewell of the fiiir Emily. 

, Her affections have been long since engaged, and I -" 

^^Only endeavouring to support her in. her attachment to the 

more favoured rival. Is it not so ?" 

« ^ Come, no quisssing. Faith, I began to feel very uncomfortable' 

about parting with her, the moment that I discovered tlmt I mus^ 

do so." 

"So I guessed," said Trevanion, with a dry looi^ **from the 



interesting scene I so abraptly trespassed upon. But yod are rigH ; 
a little bit of tendresse is never misplaced^ so long as tl^e object la 
young, pretty, an^y still more than all, disposed for it/' 

** Quite out ; perfectly mistaken, believe me. Emily pot only 
never cared for me, but she has gone Air enough to tell me so.'^ 

<* Then, from all I know of such matters,'* replied he, ** you were 
both in a very fair way to repair that mitfUrice on her part. But 
hark ! what is this ?'' A tremendous noise in the street^ here inter- 
jDu^pled out eoUoqny, and on opening fte window, a Vstrange scene 
^jpteaented itself to owt eyes. . In the fniddte of a ^ense :mass df 
gnoving rabble, shouting, yelling, and scveaming, wkh all ^lielr 
flnig^t^ wexe two gens d'armes with a prisoner between tben^ 
' neimhaj^yy ttiasi was foUonred by a rather w^H^essed, midiMe- 
«§Bd iootoog wom«ii, who appeared to be «[esiit)us<'Of ^estowiag 
the tnest eoram puhlitQ enieaiofnents «poa tte^ culprit, wfacmi a 
^ieoQod glanoe showed m was O'Leary. 

'^ I trill you, my deaf madam, you are mistaken,'* said O'Leagr, 
Jiddffessing .hear with great stcnsHfiess of manner and V'^iJce. ' 

^Mistaken*! jievser, never*! How^ouldi^ver be mistaken in 
A0t .dear tvioioe, thoae lovely eyes, 'that srweet %t^ «ose^* 

«Tiiilse lier away; she's deranged,^ sdid O'Leary, to the graa 
d^anmes. ^^\8iire, if Pm a Fole, ^at's enough ^ mis^jtone."^ 

^< Pll follow him to the end /Of the earth, I wlU.^' 

M'm going to the galleys, Ood be praised,^' said ^Leary. , 

'^ To ^le :galleys-*-^o the 9«aiotine--«ny wheie,^ itssponded Ae, 
fdisowing bmehf upon his oieek, mudh less, as it seemedt to his 
gratification, than that of the mob, who 'taug^ied and riiiouted most 
iqproarieusly. • 

^ Mrs. Ram, aifi^ you ashamed 1^' 

'^ He icaMs aie by my name/^ >said riie, ^HMDd ha afftempts lo dis- 
wmtk OBM. 2Ia ! ha ! ha ! ha f " and immediately fA\ off inia a strong 
paraxyaraof kiekjng^and piaQhiBg,aild pUncdting^e hystandevs, 
A malady weU knawn under the tname <of hyst^cs ; but heing little i 
ODoare ihan a privileged mode, among certain ladies, of payfog off 
isane acores, which it is a«a thought deoeai to do in their moia 
'aober AnofBODte. 

^ Lead me away-^-anywliare'-Msaiivict me ^f Whtt you IflEe/* 
said he " but don't let her foUowme.*' 

inie gens denies, who little comprehended ihe natare c€ th^ 
«ioene before them, were not aorry to aa^ipaia a renewal of it an 
Mrs. jRasofs vecovery, ^nd aoeoidabgly seized the opportunity to 
march on witfi <yLeary, who ^med tha corner of the Rue ilivcfi, 
<under a -shower of ^meurtrierB" and ^sc^elerafts*^ frcni Che mob; 
that fell, fortunately, most unconsciously upon his ears^ 

mie possibility of figuring in such a i^roc^ion -contributed mosh 
to tiie force of Tvevanicm's laasonings, and I laoolved to leave 
Paris at once. 

^^Bmnnse na, then^ to iovohw faarself ia no moia gciapes for 



liltf w ham. Padt eveiy Amg f&a^ shall iv^w^ with y^a^asd^ 
bjipwvau o^elook, I shall be heie with yms passport aAdaiU seadjr 
fan a start'' 

Widi a beating. braiiivand in a^ wMrlwind af cdnfiieting thoughts^ 
I tbrew my clothes hither and tibitbec into' my taruiik; Lady Jaae 
asHl Emily both flitting erery instant beforetOiy imaginatiDB, aiMl 
ftsf neatly an irresohition to probeed stoppings all my prepaiatioiis 
fovdeparture^ I sat down musii^upoa a chair, and half determined^ 
tm stay* where I was, couUfui amie. Finally^ the possibility of 
eifisBineia^a trial^badits weight I continued tmy occupation tiU 
tbsslae&cMt wae fi^bdad, and the lock tiurnedv whm I seated myself 
o^fisetlB my higgagB^und waited iaiiMutiaiitiy fiMr. mj^&ieiid's mtufOi. 



CSOAPTER XLUL 



tatleflt He had ofatakied. my ^aM^oiit^aiiii 
I s.car£iam toi eaoreyn&eabout eight miles^ where I should 
oNwtito the diHgeBim'---saeh.aaodeo£ troveUii^ being judged 
nose liimly* to fkwaac mf escape by al&actiiig lass atteotioa tbrn; 
piUiofg;. It wasv past tan when I left the Rue St Honorey.hayiiig^ 
diaken hands with Trevanion for the last time, and chargpd hiai: 
with tea tlKKtskod aoftmessages for the <^fri«ada" I leflbebind me. 
Wlien.1 arriired ia tiie n^illi^ of St Jacques, the diligence had 
mdicam^ vtp^ To pass anray the time,. I oidesed a. Isltie sappev 
mad a bottie oi St JuUen. Sosuaself had I seated myself to myi 
^eolriatte^'' when the mmd whud of wheek waa beard withoiAtf 
and a cab drew up suddenly at the deer* SonataraUy does^the' 
fegitmcsaspect pumitit^ that my iimoediate imi^essioa was^ that I 
vnm Allowed ^la tiiiaaotioo I was sirengtheaed by ^e tones^ofi 
8too(ackedydi8coniaiit^(Oioe>.adattg in very peculiar French if tb» 
^da%Bnoe hod pasaedB" Being anawerad in the Be^i?e,.he) 
wsAksd into, the room where £ wae, and speedilyy by his appear^ 
amte, lemovedany iq4>rehQnsiQD» I had fslt as «a my sa&ty. Na«< 
thing cDuld less^ rammble the tall port aad. sturdy bearing, oi > 
Mdanse, thaoi tirn dimimstiireeaiid dwarfish indii^idttal before me^. 
His height oauld scarody tetve reached five feet^ of which tha^ 
Uni finned fiattya finzrtii: pwt;. and even^ tfaiswas rendei^d im 
appenanee itiU^ greater by a. maaaof loosely ftaating black ha» 
Ml fell npmi hi8<Bed|aBd siiouldlHn, and gamt him nuicb. the aiif 
sit » <^bkak lian" oiva signboaaiL His blaeltfsock, fiif-^Uased 
ani hmddsdMHs ilImiadeboats».bi8;nU9ef8chmuii^ projecting lre«i 
iirbiei»porimtf abtMuoH, km iMrw«riiddhaaHb».ud f baaw^ yrid 

2S 



ring upon his tfanmb — all made up to ensemhk of evidence thai' 
showed he could be nothing but a Gennan. His manner vn» 
bustling, impatient, and had it not been ludicrous, would certainly 
be considered as insolent to everyone about him, for ^he staned 
each person abruptly in the face, and mumbled some broken expres- 
sions of his opinion of them half-aloud in Grerman. His comments 
ran on : — ^< Bon soir. Monsieur,'' to the host : <^ Ein blteewicht, gang 
sicher'' — ^^ a scoundrel, without doubt;" and then added, still lower, 
'< Rob you here as soon as look at you/' <<Ah, postillion ! com^ 
ment va?"— «much more like a brigand, after all — ^I kno¥^ which • 
I'd take you far," " Wer fluchte frau" — ^^ how ugly the woman ' 
is." This compliment was intended for the hostess, who curtsied 
down to the grourid in her ignorance. At last, approaching me, 
he stopped, and having steadily surveyed me, muttered, <^£^ 
echter EDglftnder" — ^^ a thorough Englishman, always eating." 

* I could not resist the temptation to assure him that I was perfectly 
aware of bis flattering impression in my behalf, though I hM 
speedily to regret my precipitancy, for, less mindful of the rebuke 
than pleased at finding sopie one who imderstood German, he drew 
his chair beside me and entered into canversation. 

Every one has surely felt, some time or other in life, the insuf* 
ferable annoyance of having his thoughts and reflections imerfioed 
with, and breken in upon by the vulgar imperline|ice and egotism' 
of some ^<bore," who, mistaking your abstraction for attention, and* 
your despair for delight, inflicts upon you his whole life and adk 
ventures, when your own immediate destinieis are perhaps vapii^ 

* lating in the scale. 

Such a doom was now mine ! Occupied as I was by the hope 
of the future, and my fears lest any impediment to my escape 
sl^ould blast my prospects for ever, I preftsrred appearing to pay 

' attention to this confounded fellow's << personal narrative" lest hu 
questions, turning on my own affiiirs, might excite suspicions as 
to the reasons of my journey. 
I longed most ardently for the arrival of the diligence, truatiog 

' that, with true German thrift, my friend might prefer the cheapo- 
ness of the ^^ interietire" to the magnificence of the '^cOup6," and 
tlmt thus I should see no more of him. Biit in this pleasing hope' 
I was destined to be disappointed, for I was scarcely seated in my 

' place when I found him beside m6. The tiiird occupant of thn 
^ privileged den^" as well as my lamp4ight survey of him permit- 
ted, afforded nothing to build on as a compensation for the Ger- 
man. He was a tall, lanky, lantern-jawed man, with a hook 
nose and projecting chin; his hair, which had only been permitted 
to grow very lately, formed that curve upon hk forehead we see 
in certain old fashioned horse^oe wigs; \jfB compressed lip and 
hard features gave the. expression of one who had seen a good 
deal of the world, and didn't thmk better of it in conseqoenoe. 
I observed that he lisfeBued to the few "vnniis we sjpdre wMIogel- 



ammmWSB OF HABET xoamBWXB. 9ftl, 

titgiawUb some atteistion, and then, like a persoh/wbo did. note 
eompreli^nd the language, turned his shoulder towards us/and^ 
iooo fell asleep. I was now left to the << tender mercies'' of my. 
talkative compsmion, who certainly spared me not. Jfotwith* 
standing my vigorous resolves to turn a^eaf ear to bis narratives^ 
I could not avoid learning that he was the director of music to 
some Germdn prince — ^that he had been to Patis to bring out aa 
<q»era, which having, as he said^ a << suoc^s pyramidal ;'' he waa 
about to repeat in Straisbourg. He further informed nia that a 
depute from Alsace bad obtained for him a govermnent permissioa 
to tmvel with the courier ^ but that he b^ing ^< social'' withal, and 
Boways proud, preferred the democracy of the diligence to the^ 
solitary grandeUr of the caleche, (for which heaven donfound him^^ 
aiid thus became my present compaiiion. 

Music, in all its shapes and forms^ made up the staple of the little 
maa's talk. There was scarcely an opera or an overture, from 
Mozart to Donizetti, that he ^d not insi^ upon singing a soe^a 
fiom; and wound up all by a very pathetic lamentation over Eng*^ 
U^ insensibility to music, which he in ^reat part attributed to ova 
having only one opinra, which he kindly informed me was '< Bob e( 
Joan." However indisposed to check the current of his loquacity 
by any effort of mine, I could not avoid the temptation to translate 
fyt him a story which Sir Walter Scott once related to me, and 
was so 4r apropos^ as conveying my own sense of the merits o| 
' our national n^usic, such as we have it, by its association with 
•oenel, and persons, and places we are aU familiar with, howevei: 
unintelligible to the ear of a stranger. 

A young French viscomte was fortunate, enough to obtain in 
marriage the hand of a singularly pretty Scotch heiress of an old 
family and good fortune, who, amongst her other endowments, 
possessed a large dd«&shioned house, in a remote district of the 
highlands, where her ancestors had resided for centuries. Thitbeis 
the young couple repaired to pass the honeymoon; the enamoured 
bndegroom gladly availing himself of tl^ opportunity to ingratiata 
himself with his new connection, by adopting the seclusion. he saw 
practised by the EnglisB on sudi occasions. However consonant 
to ov^ notions of happiness^ and however conducive to our enjpy* 
ment this custom be — and I have strcmg doubts upon the subject 
^ •^t certainly prospered ill with the volatile Frenchman^ who pined 
for Parisj its caf)^, its boulevards, its maisonsde jeu,andits soir^s. 
His days were passed in looking from the deep and narrow win* 
dows of s<»ne oak*framed room upon the fiare and.heath^slad 
moors, or watching the clouds' shadows as they jmssed across the 
dark pine trees that closed the distance. 

Bnnuyee to death, and convinced that he had sacrificed enough 

"^oid more than enohgh to the barbarism which demanded such^a 

**s^urf^ he was sitting one evefaing listlessly upon the terrace in 

fiont of the house, plottiiitg a speedy escape from his gloomy abode^ 



9M^ omii W WM * ov urm 

wnA nsdiHitiDg upon Ae life of plttKUB tiitt «w«ilMi kwi,/ 
lile diseordant twaag ef soiae savage mme. bcoke. apm iov «tt^ 
Bt^ mused trim firom his reireiie. The -wild screftvi and fliM 
buret of a highland pibnieh is ccrUdnly not the mosl^ likdy ttab^ 
kmatnte lo sdlay the inritable wni raffled feeliiiB8>of as iwadMis 
person-^MiftlesSy periiaps, the hearer ®Bchew bteedMHk So thougfat 
tie tificomte. He started faorriedly np, and straiglit befeie loam, 
anon the gravel-wadk, beheld a stalwart fignae a^ ^bony §nm0 
m «i old higMander, blewuig, with all his longs, li& '< Gatbtridf 
ef the dansu'^ With allf the speed he eotdd mustei^, he vnshcdiiBia 
ftfe^hoosO) and, calling his servants^ ordered them to expel' tiw im 
Mder, and dri?re hin^ at oaee oiMside tiio dieonesna Wfaes&tiliB 
iwndale m^M itniief k&oim to the old' piper, it wasi witti the", giesik 
est difficulty he could be bronghc to^ compi«)ietid iti*«-liir, time mm 
«r mind, his approaek had beeA huied widi every demomigrtion 
if rejoieing; and-^-^-^bnt noj the Aing vaa iint)ossilUe-^thm 
mtnt be a misttdne semeiRifaere* He utaspaaeoidmgi^ abonti m im> 
teMttience, when a sec<md and strongevhuie suggested' to Mnvtlut 
M wenB se^rto depart. «^ Maybe tbe<eall^ did na lilio the'pqpos^* 
iaid the highlander musitigly, as he paeMed AMm up for tapi mamln 
''Maybe he did nalMo^me : p^rhapsf too^ fae^was^ wet m. the geod 
ftttmoftr of mnsie.'^ He paused fbr an inaant as if FB^toetiDgtl^MH 
aatisfiied', probably, that he bad hitrnpen Aie irae scrintioij^^wbm 
tfnddmly his eye brightened, bis Up curled, and, fxmg aJookiipMi 
the angry Frenchman, he sakl — '^ Maybe 91s ass right enerw-^^ft 
fcesard them ower muckle at Waterloo to like the skivl o^ Ae j» etet 
since;'' with which satisfactory ^cpboiation, made in no smrif «f 
liittemess or raillery^ hue m the sinf^lebelief Aat he had at Whit 
tfie nmrk of- the viscomte^ antipathy, Hm old nuur gallieroi Qp> tail 
plltid: and departed. 

Howerer disposed I might Mrw iAt tMrards deep, thiff IMi 
Cterman resdved I lAouIdl not obtain any, for* when for half an 
bour toge Aer I wonld preserve a rigid silence, he, nowise daonted^ 
tta«l recourse to some Geinmn ^ lied/' whieb he gavefoftb wiA an 
energy of rofee and manner that must have amitted' every sleeper 
in the diligence: se that, fiiia to avoid thi% I did my best t9 Hmf 
him on the subject of hk adventures, which, asamaarof soecessfiil 
gallantrf, wem manifold indeed Y^eaiyiag at btet*, even of iMi 
subordinate part, I foil info a kiad of hatf dose. The wordb of a 
siudbnt song hd^ commued to sing widtoot ceasmg for ahwe an 
hour-^being the last wabin^ thought on my memsry; 

Less BBws&uvenir at the^singer Uian aspecsmen of its elassy I 
g^re here a roogiar translatioR of the w^l^knowa BWMtes mOodf , 
called , ' ^^ - 1 

HOB POPS. 

TlsPb|(»h«lesd*ftba{ipylil^ ' 



H« drinks the bert of Bbttiiflli wine, 
I woiiki the Pope's gty lot weie mine. 



He drinks the best of Bhenish win% 
I would the Pope's gay lot were mioe. 

Sat then til happjr'e not his lift, 
He has not maid, nor blooming wife ; 
Nor ehild has he to raise his faope^ 
I woahl not wish to be the Pope. 

. HL 

ThrSoItan better pleases ae, 

HisisalifeofjoUUj; 

His wives are manv as his wUi» 

I would the Saltan's throne theaiilL 



lY. 

Bat ereh he's a wretched man. 

He mast obey his Alcoran ; 

And dares not drink one drop of whw^ 

I would not ehange his hat for mine. 



60, then, ru hold my lowly stand. 
And Uve in German V aterland ; 
I'll kiss my maiden fidr and fine, 
'And drink the best of Rhenish wine. 

VL 

Whene'er my maiden kisses me, 
m think thati the Sultan be; 
And when my cherry glass I tope, 
ril laiMy then lam the Pope. 



CHAPTER XLIIL 



TEX JOVSVXT. 



It* WMB with a feeling of pleasure I cannot expktin, that I awote 
m the xaomng^ and fband myself upon the road. The turmoily Am 
irastle, die never-ending difficulties of my late life in Paris had m 
OT'er-ezcited and worried me^ that I could neither think nor reflect 
Now all Aese cares and troubles were behmd me^ and I &It 
Uln a Ubttated prisoaer as I looked upon the gray dawn of tha 

«8* «T 



coming day, as it gradually melted from its dull ana leaden tint to 
the pink and yellow hue of the rising sun. The broad and richly* 
coloured plains of <Ma belle France" were before me — audit is '<la 
belle France/' however inferior to parts of England in rural beauty 
— the large tracts of waving yellow corn, undulating like a sea 
in the morning breeze — ^tbe interminable reaches of forest, upoa 
which the shadows played and flitted, deepening the effect and 
mellowing the mass, as we see them in Ruysdael's pictures — ^while 
now and then some tall-gabled, antiquated chateau, with its muti- 
lated terrace and dowager-like air of bye^gone grandeur, would 
peep forth at the end of some long avenue of lime trees, all having 
their own features of beauty — and a beauty with which every ob- 
ject around harmonizes well. The sluggish peasant, in his blouse 
and striped night-cap-r-the heavily caparisoned horse, shaking his 
head amidst a Babel-tower of gaudy worsted tassels and brass bells, 
the deeply-laden wagon, creeping slowly along — are all in keep- 
ing with a scene, where the very mist that rises from the valley 
aeems indolebt and lazy, and unwilling to impart the rich perfume 
of verdure with which it is loaded. Every land has its own pe- 
culiar character of beauty. The glaciered mountain, the Alpine 
peak, the dashing cataract of Switzerland an(^ the Tyrol, are aot 
£ner in their way than the long flat moorlands of a Flemish land- 
scape, with its clump of stunted willows clustering over some lim- 
pid brook, in which the oxen are standing for shelter from Ae 
noon-day heat — ^while lower down, some rude water-wheel is 
jninglin^ its sounds with the summer bees and the merry voices 
of the miller and his companions. So strayed my thoughts as the 
German shook me by the arm, and asked if ^^ I were not ready for 
my breakfast ?" Luckily, to this question there is rarely but the 
one answer. Who is not ready for his breakfast when on the 
road ? How delightful, if on the continent, to escape from the nar- 
row limits of the dungeon-like diligence, where you sit with your 
Tsaees next your collar-bone, fiEiinting with heat and suffocated by 
dust, and find yourself suddenly beside the tempting <^ plats'^ of a 
little French dejeuniy with its cutlets, its fried fish, its poulet, its 
mdad, and its little entre of fruit, tempered with a no despicable 
bottle of Beaume. If in England, the exchange is nearly as grate- 
ful — ^for though our travelling be better, and our equipage less 
**^«nan/e,*' still it is no small alterative from the stage-coach to 
the inn parlour, redolent of aromatic black tea, eggs, and hot toast, 
with a hospitable sideboard of red, raw sirloins, and York hams^ 
that would make a Jew's mouth water. While in America, the 
change' is greatest of all, as any one can vouch for who has been 
suddenly emancipated from the stove-heat da ^^nine insideV leatb- 
^tt '^conveniency,'' bumping ten miles an hour over a eorduroy 
load, the company smoking, if not worse ; to the ample display of 
luxurious viands displayed upon the breakfast4able, where, whajt 
with buffalo stes^s, pumpkin pie, git\ cock-tail>;and other aristo- 



er&tieally called temptations, he intist be indeed fastidious who 
cannot employ his half hour. Pity it is, when there is so much 
good to eat,, that people will not partake of it like civilised beings^ 
and with that air of cheerful thankfulness that all other nations 
more or less express "^hen enjoying the earth's bounties. But 
true it is, that there is a spirit of discontent in the Yankee, that 
seems to accept of benefits with a tone of 'dissatisfaction, if not 
distrust. I once made this remark to an excelleift Mend of mine, 
w>w no more, who, however, would not permit of my attribulmg 
this I feature to the Americans exclusively, adding, << Where have 
you more of this than in Ireland? and surely you would not eatt 
Uie Irish ungrateful?'' He illustrated his first remark by thefollow* 
ing short anecdote : — 

The Tector of the parish my friend lived in was a mail who 
added to the income Ue derived from his living a very bandsooio 
private fortune, which he devoted entirely to the benefit of tho 
poor around him. Among the objects of his bounty one old wo-^ 
mim, a . childless widow, was remarkably distinguished. Whetbelr 
commiserating her utter helplessness or her complete isolation, hf9. 
T^ent forther to relieve her than to many, if not all, the <Hher poor. 
She frequently was in the habit of pleading her poverty as a rea- 
son for not appearing in church among her neighbours ; and he 
gladly seized an opportunity of so improving her condition, that 
on this score at least no impediment existed. When all his little pluis 
ioT her comfort had been carried into execution, he took the oppor- 
tunity one day of dropping in, as if accidentally, to speak to har^ 
By degrees be led the subject Xp her changed condition in life — the 
alteration from a cold, damp, smoky hovel, to a warm, clean, 
dated house— the cheerful garden before the door, that replaced 
the mud'heap and the duck-pool — and all the other happy chaogae 
which a few weeks had effected. And he then asked, did she ao| 
feel grateful to a bountiful Providence that had showered down ao 
many blessings upon her head? 

" Ah, troth, its thrue for yer honor, I am grateful," she replied; 
in a whining, discordant tone, which astonished the worthy parsoou 

" Of course you are, my good woman, of course^ you are — ^but I 
mean to say— don't you feel that every moment you live is to© 
short to express your thankfulness to this kind Providence for 
what he has done ?" . 

^< Ah, darlin', it's all thrue, he's very good, he's mighty kind, so 
he is." 

« Why, then, not acknowledge it in a differait manner?" said ibcr 
parson, with some heat — ^^ has he not housed you, and fed yoiv 
and clothed you?" 

" Yfes, alanah, he done it all." 
' " Weil, where is your gratitude for all these mercies?" 

^ J^h, sure if he did," said the old crone, roused at length by Ibar 
ifl^portunity of the questioner — ^^sure if he did, ifoe^n'^ he take it 
out of me in the corns ?^' 



€«mmoK8 or BiLmaiMmmaqmau 



CHAPTER XLV. 

A ftSMimsCEirCB 09 VBB BAST. 

Tub breftk&sutable assembled around it the three geneiatiooe 
ef metk who issued from the three eisbdivisioiis of the dil^nee^ 
and presented that motley and mixed assemblage of maks^ ages^ 
and cduauies, wbk^. foniis so very aiBiasiDg a part of a tra?eA»^ 
experienced , 

First came the <^ haute aristocratie'' of the coup6, then the middle 
dasa of the inteneursy and lastly, the tiers eCat of the rotonde, wkh 
iia melange of Jew money lenders, imder officers and their wivei^ 
a Normaft nnme widi a high cap and a red jupe; whfle, to doee 
the proeessioiiya (Serman ^id^it desoended nom tfie roof,.wjii m 
keaxdy a Mouse, and a meerschauni. Of such materials vas onv 
pBtvty aaade up; and yet, differing in all our objects and interests^ 
WIS speedily amalgamated into a very social state of intimaef , and 
ehatted away oyer our breakfast with much good humour and 
Hiiety, Each person of the number seeming pleased at the mo- 
OMUitary opportunity of finding a new listener, save my tall oov^ 
pamon of the coup^. He preserved a dogged eilence, unbroken by 
even a chance expression to the waiter, who observed his WMts^ 
and supplied them by a species ci quick instinct, evidently acr 
4iiii«d by practice. As I could not help feeling somewhat inte» 
tested about the hermit-like attachment he evinced for solitude^ I 
wiDlehed him narrowly for some time, and at tength, as the **fvi^* 
BMNle its appearance before him, after he had heiped himself and 
fasted it, he caught my eye fixed upon him, and looking at me 
intently for a few seconds, he seemed to be satasfied in some pasa* 
ing doubt he laboured under, as he said, with a most peculiar shake 
e€ the head — ^ No mangez, no manges, ceku'^ 

*^ Ah,'' said I, detecticig in my friend's French his English ori- 
fin, **you are an En^Kshman, I find." 

« The devil a doubt of it, dariin%" said he, half testily. 

" An Irishman too, — still better," said I. 

" Why, then, isn't it strange that my French always shows me 
to be English, and my English proves me Irish? It's lucky £mp 
ne there's no going farther, any how." 

Delighted to have thus fallen upon a << character," as the Irisb# 
man evidently appeared, I moved my chair towards his; and find* 
ing, however, he was not half pleased at the manner in wliich my 
acquaintance had been made with him, and knowing his conntry's 
«nceptibii2«y of being taken by a story, I resolved to make my 
adva&eea by maMting a circmistance which had once befalieii am 
in my early life. 



Our eonntrymep^ Ee^ish and Irkh, tiavel so inuohm>iir a 4agf% 
tiMut (m& ought never to feel surprised at finding them any wb«iBe« 
Tiae instance I a^ about to relate will verify, to a certain exteitf^ 
^e &ctf by showing Ihat no situation is too odd or too unlikeljr to 
be withia the veirge q{ oalculation. 

When the lOth fcx^y to which I then belonged, were at Corfu, J 
obtained with three other officers a short leave of absence, to mabi 
a biurried tour of the Morea, and take a passing glance at Constaiw 
tinople — ^in those days much less frequently visited by travellew 
than at present. 

After rambliog pleasantly about for i^ii;ie weeks, we were about 
4o i^turn, when we determined that before sailing we idiould 
accept an invitation some officers of the ^^ Dwarf' frigate, then 
stationed there, h^d given us, to pass a day at Pera, and pis nic 
m the mountain. 

One fine bright morning was therefore selected--*-^ most appe- 
tizing little dinner being carefully packed up-vwe set out, a pactf 
of fourteen, upon our excursion. 

The weather was glorious, and the scene far finer than any of 
tAs had anticipated — the view from the mountain extending over 
the entire city, gprgeoud in the ^ rich colouring of its domes axid 
minarets ; while, at one side, the golden horn was vi^ble^orowded 
with ships of every nation, and, at (fee other, a glimpse -might be 
had of the sea of Marmora, blue and tri^04uil<a^ it lay beneath. 
The broad bosom of the BosplH>rus was sheeted out Jike a map 
before us— p€Jaceful, yet bustling with life and animation, H^^ 
lay the union-jack of dd England, floating beside the lilies o( 
Fmae^*^-we speak of times when lilies were *and barricades weie 
not— the tali and taper spars of a Yankee frigate towering abov^ 
tfae Uw timbers and heavy bull of a Dutch schooner — ^the gilded 
poop and oinrved galleries of & Turkish tbfee-dedcer, anchored 
beside the raking mast and curved deek of a su8pi!ciou$ lookii^ 
craft, whose red-capped and. dark-visaged crew needed not the 
Baked creese at their sides to bespeak them Malays The whole 
W9i8 redolent of life, and teeming with feed far one^s ian(^ to co&r 
jure from. 

While we were debating upon the ehoice of. a spot for <mr 
luneheon, wbjjch shouki^oommand the t\M painUr of view wUiua 
e«ur reach, one of the party eaime to iafomk 'm that he ha4 just di»* 
covered the very thing we were in search of. It was a small kiosli^ 
built upon a projecting reck that looked down upon the Bospir^nrus 
and the city, and had evidently, from^ (jie extended views it pr»r 
sented, been selected as the spot to build upon. The building itself 
was a small octagon, open on every side, and presenting a seriea 
of prospects, land and seaward, of the most varied and n^gnificecrt 
kind. # ^ 

Seeing no one near, nor anytrace of habitation, we resolved t0* 
avail ourselves of the good taste of the fannder^ and spreadiof 



SS4 ^ OOKFESSrOKS 01* HARRr LORREQtrXa. 

I 

Mt of the contents of our hampers, proceeded to discuss a most ta- 
ceUent cold dinner. When the good things had disappeared^ and 
4ihe wine hegan to ^ circulate, one of the party observed that we 
rfiould not think of enjoying ourselves before we had filled a 
bumper to the brim, to the health of our good king, whose birth- 
day it chanced to be. Our homeward thoughts and loyalty uniting, 
we filled our glasses, and gave so hearty a *« hip, hip, hurra,'* to 
our toast, that I doubt if the echoes of those old rocks ever heard 
the equal of it. . 

Scarcely was the last cheer dying away in the distance, when 
the door of the kiosk opened, and a negro, dressed in white muslin^ 
appeared, his arms and ankles bearing thpse huge rings of massive 
gold, which only persons of rank distinguish their servants by. 

After a most profound obeisance to the party, he explained ia 
very tolerable French, that his master, the Effendi, Ben Mustapha 
Al Halak, at whose charge (in house rent) we were then feasting, 
sent us greeting, and begged that, if not considered as contrary to 
our usages, &c., we should permit him and his suit to approach the 
kiosk and observe us at our meal. 

Independent of his politeness in the mode of conveying the re- 
<}uest, as ke would prove fully as entertaining a sight to us as u^ 
^could possibly be to him, we immediately expressed our great 
"Willingness to receive his visit, coupled with a half hint that per- 
-haps he might honour us by joining the party. 

After a half hour's delay, the door was once more thrown open, 
tmd a venerable old Turk entered ; he salaamed three times most 
reverently, and motioned to us to be seated, declining at the same 
time, by a gentle gesture of his hand, our invitation. He was fol- 
lowed by a train of six persons, all splendidly attired, and attest- 
ing, by their costume and manner, the rank and importance of their 
«hief. Conceiving that his visit had but one object — ^to observe our 
eonvivial customs — we immediately reseated ourselves, and filled 
hourglasses. 

* As one after another the officers of the efiendi's household pass- 
ed round the apartments, we offered them a goblet of champagne, 
which they severally declined, with a polite but solemn smile— -all 
except one, a large, savage-looking Turk, with a most ferocious 
«cowl, and the largest black beard I ever beheld. He did not con- 
lent himself with a mute refusal of our ofifer, but stopping suddenly, 
'he raised up his hands above his head, and muttered some words 
in Turkish, which one Of the party informed us was a very satis- 
fiictory recommendation of the whole company to Satan for their 
heretic abomination. 

The procession moved slowly round the rdom, and when it 
reached the door again retired, each member of it salaaming thred 
times as they had done on entering. Scarcely hadHhey gone, 
when we burst into a loud fit of laughter at the savage-looking 
fellow who thought proper io excommunicate us, and were about 



COM V|;8SIPV8 OF nAMUr LOXBl WBS* SM , 

f 

to diacttss his more than* common appoaniQce of disgust at ow 
proceedings, when again the door opened, and a turbajied head 
peeped in, but so altered were the features, that although seen Imt 
the moment before, we could hardly believe them the siteae. . The 
dark complexion — ^the long and bushy beai^d were ,there — ^bit in* 
stead of the sleepy and solemn character of the oriental, with 
heavy eye and closed lip, there was a droll, half4evibry in the look, 
and partly open mouth, that made a most laughable contrast with 
the headniress. He looked itf ealtbily around him for an instant, 
as if to see that all was right, and then, with an accent and ex- 
pression I shall never forget, said, ^^PU tfisie your wine^genikh 
men^ av %i be pleasing to ye." 



CHAPTER XLVI. 

A DAT IN THX FHCENIX. 



Whxn we were once more in the coup6 of the diligence, I di- 
rected my entire attention towards my Irish acquaintance, as welt 
because of his apparent singularity, as to avoid the little German 
in the opposite corner. ' 

" You have not been long in Fram», then, sir," said I, as we re-^ 
84ned our conversation, 

<< Three weeks, and it seems like three years to me — ^nothing W 
eat — nothing to drink — and nobody to speak to. But Pll go back 
soon — I only came abroad for a month." 

^ Tou'U scarcely see much of the Continent in so short a tim^." 

<^ Devil a much that will grieve me — ^l didn't come to see it." 

"Indeed!" 

'^ Nothing of the kind ; I only came to be away from home." . 
^" Oh ! I perceive," » 

" You're quite out there," said my companion, mianterpretmg, 
my meaning. " It wasn't any thing of that kind. I don't owe 
sixpence. I was laughed out of Irelastd— 4hat's all, though that 
same is bad enough." 

"Laughed out of it!" 

"Just so— and little do you, know of Ireland if that surprises 
you." 

After acknowledging that such an even^ was perfectly possible, 
from what I myself had seen of that country, I obtained the fol- 
lowing very brief account of my companion's reasons for foreign 
travel: 

" Well, sir," began he, " it ia about four months since I brought 
up to Dublin from Gal way a little chestnut mare, with cropped 



mm, and a abort t«l, aqoam^jaiat^, and rather lov— jtist what 
ymi^d call a smart hack for going to coyer with — a lively thing oa 
fte toad with a light weight. Nobody ever suspected that she 
was a cleto bred thing**^wn sister to Jenny, that won the Corin- 
tiiian, and ran second to Giles for the Riddlesworth — ^bnt so she 
was, and a better bred mare nev^ leaped the pound in Ballinasloe, 
Well, I brot^ht her to Dublin, and used to ride her ont two or 
diree times % week, making littie matches, sometimes to trot-^^md^ 
|br a thorough bred, she was a clipper at trotting — to trot a mile 
or so on the grass-^another day to gallop the length ef the nine 
floies opposite the lodge — and then sometimes back her for a ten 
pound note, to jump the biggest furze bush ttat could be found— v 
all of ^n^ch she could do with ease, nobody thinking, all the while, 
that the cock-tailed poney was out of Sqroggins, by a ^ Lamplighter 
mare.' As every fellow that was beat to-day was sure to come 
hack to-morrow, with something better, either of his own or a 
ifriend's, I had matches booked for every day in the week — for I 
always made my little boy that rode, win by half a neck, or a nos^ 
tril, and so we kept on day after day pocketing from ten to thirty 
pounds, or thereabdits. 

^ It was mighty pleasant while it lasted, for besides winning the 
money, I had my own fun laughing at the spoonies that never 
Maid book my bets fast enough. Yoimg infantry officers and the 
jmior bar-^they were for the most part mighty nice to look at, 
but very raw about racing. How long I might have gone on in 
Ais way I cannot say ; but one morning I fell in with a fat, elderly 
gentleman, in shorts and gaiters, mounted on a dun cob poney, tmt 
Was very fidgety and hot-tempered, and appeared to give the rider 
m great deal of iinea»ness; 

" \ Hcfs ^spicy hack you're on, ai/ said I, * and has a go in him, 
I'H be bound.' 

^* ^ I rayther think he has,' said the old gentleman, half testily. 
^ " * And can trot a bit, too.' 

" * Twelve Irish miles in fifty minutes, with my weight.* Here 
he looked down at a paunch like a sugar hogshead. • 

. ^ < Maybe he 's not bad across a country,' said I, rather to humour 
iht old fellow, who, I saw, was proud of his poney. 

^ ' I'd like to see his match, that's all.' Here he gave ajraflier 
contemptuous glance at my hack. 

'^ Well, one word led to another, and it ended at last in our 
ksioking a match, with which one party was no less pleased than 
the other. It was this: each was to ride his own horse, starting 
fmn the school in the Park, rMnd the Fifteen Acres, outside the 
Monument, and back to the start— just one heat, about a mile and 
siliaif-^^ ground good, and only soft enough. In consideration, 
however, of his greater weight, I was to give odds in the start; and 
as we could not well agree on how much, it was at length decided 
Ibat he was to get away first, and I to follow as fast as I couki, 



albf Maldng m pewter quart fuUW Gviftne^^s double sloiit-^ 
diOll eddSf you'll say, but it was the old fellow's own thought, aal 
•• the match Wjis a soft one, I let him have his way. 

** The next morning the Pbceaix was crowded as if for a review. 
TtiBte wete all the Dublin notorieties, swarming in barouches, 
Md tilbiuries, and outside jauntiog-cars-Hsmart clerks in the poift 
o&e, mounted upon kicking devils from Dycer's and I^alouette'a 
ttaUe^^^-atloraays' wiveii and dac^hters ftom' York-street, and a 
itlaiy doc^ or so on a hacjc that looked as if it had been lectured 
wfor the 8i;KVihter months at the College oi* Surgeons. My an** 
lagoaiBt Was half an hour late, which time I occupied in booking 
k^OD'^very side of me— offering odds of ten, fifteen, and at last^ 
to tempt tHe people, twenty-five to one against the dun. At last, 
Ae fat gentleman came up on a jaimting-car, followed by a groom 
kiadiog the cob. I wish you heard the cheer that greeted him on 
ki0 arrival, for it appeared he was a well-known character in towti^ 
afid much in favour with the mob. When he got off the ear, be 
kofldled into a tent, followed by a few of his friends, where 4iey 
remained for about five minutes^ at the end of which he came. oul 
in full racing costume — ^blue and yellow striped jacket, blue ea|^ 
- and leathers — ^looking as funny a figure as ever you set eyes upon. 
I now thought it time to throw off my white surtout, and show 
out in pink and orange, the colours I had been winning in for two 
months past. While some of the party were sent on to station 
themselves at different places'round the Fifteen Acres, to mai% out 
the course, my &t friend was assisted into his saddle, and gave % 
short preliminary gallop of a hundred yards^or so, that set us «U 
aJaughing. The odds were now fifty to one in my favour, and I 
gam them w4ierever { could find takers. < With you, sir, if yoil 
please, in pounds, and the gentleman in the red whiten, too, af 
he likes — very well, in half sovereigns, if you prefer it.' So I went 
on, betting on every side, till the bell rung to mount. As I knew 
I had plenty of time to spare, I took little notice, and merely giving 
a look to my girths, I continued leisurely booking my bets. At 
last the time came, and at the word ^ Away!' off went the fat gen- 
tleman . on thb dun, at a i^luttering gallop, that flung the mud on 
every side of us, and once more threw us all a-laughing. I waited 
patiently lill he got near the upper end of the park, taking beta 
every minute; and now that he was away, every one offered to 
wager. At last, when I had let lum get nearly half rounds and 
fonnd no moo-e money could be had, I called out to his friends lof 
the porter, and, throwtug myself into the saddle, gathered up the 
natns in my hand. The crowd fell back on each side, while from 
Ibetent I have already mentioned out came a thin fellow with one . 
03^, with a pewter quart in hi« hand : he lifted it up towards me^ 
end I took it ; but what was my fright to find that the porter wae 
boiling, and the vessel so hot I could barely hM it. lendeaveiiired 
to dank, however: Uie fisst mouthful took all the skin off my tips 
29 2U 



S8S COKFESSIOM OV HABST LOSBfi^VMU 

and tongue — the second half chok^d^ and the third nearly thr0W 
me into an apoplectic fit — ^the mob cheering all ttie time lik» 
devils. Meantime, the old fellow had reached the furze, and was 
going along like fun. Again I tried the porter, and a.fit of cough- 
ing came on that lasted five minutes. The pewter was now so hot 
Aat the edge of the quart took away a piece of my mouth at evdry 
effort. I ventured once more, and with the desperation of a mad- 
man I threw down the hot liquid to its last drop. My head reeled 
— ^my eyes glared — and my brain was pn fire. I thought I beheid 
fifty fat gentlemen galloping on every side of me, atfd all the sky 
raining jackets in blue and yellow. Half mechanically I took the 
reins, and put spurs to my horse; but before, I got well away, a 
loud cheer from the crowd assailed me. I turned, and saw the 
■dun coming in at a floundering gallop, covered with foam, and ao 
dead blbwn that neither himself nor the rider could hivve got 
twenty yards farther. The race was, however, won. My odds 
were lost to every man on the field, and, worse than all, I was so 
laughed at, that I could not venture out in the streets, without 
hearing allusions to my misfortune; for a certain friend of minoy 

.one Tom O'Flaherty " 

y " Tom of the 1 1th light dragoons?" 

^< The same — ^ybuknow Tom, then? Maybe you have heaid 
him mention me — ^Maurice Malone ?" 

« Not Mr. Malone, of Fort Peak?" 

<^ Bad luck to him. I am aa well khown in connection with Fort 
Peak, as the Duke is with Waterloo. There is not a part of the 
globe where he has not told that confounded story." 

As my readers may not possibly be all numbered in Mr. 0'Fla«> 
berty's acquantance, I shall venture to give the anecdote whkdi 
Mr. Malone accounted to be so widely circulated. 



CHAPTER XLVn. 

▲H ADVBVTtTllB IK GAHAnA. 



Tow ABBS the close of the last war with America, a small detadi<- 
ment of military occupied the little block-house of Fort Peak, whiiA, 
about eight miles from the Falls of Niagara, formed the last oat* < 
post on the frontier. The fort, in itself inconsiderable, was only 
of importance as commanding a part of the river where it was 
practicable to ford, and where the easy ascent of the bank offered 
a safe situation for the enemy to cross over, whenever they £dt 
dvmosed to carry the war into our territory. 

Tliere hairing been, however, no threat of invaaicm in this qiimr^ 



COKFXSSIOKS Ot HARHT lOBASQlTES. 33§ 

ter, and the natural strength of the position being considerable^ a' 
mere handful of men, with two subaltern officers, were allotted for 
this duty — such, being conceived ample to maintain it till the arri- 
ral of succour from head-quarteiris, then at Little York^^n the op- 
posite side of the lake. The officers of this party were our old 
acquaintance, Tom O'Flaherty, and our newly-made one, Maurice 
Malone. ■ 

Whatever may be the merits of commanding officers, one virtue 
they certainly can lay small claim to — ^viz. any insight into cha- 
racter, or at least any regard for the knowledge. Seldom are two 
men sent off on detachment duty to some remote quarter, to asso- 
ciate daily and hourly for months together, that they are not, by 
some happy chance, the very people who never, as the phrase *is, 
«*took to each other'* in their lives. The gray-headed, weather- 
beaten, disappointed "Peninsular" is coupled with the essenced, 
and dandified Adonis of the corps ; the man of literary tastes and 
<sultivated pursuits, with the empty-headed, ill-informed youth, 
fresh from Harrow or Westminster. This case offered no exception 
to the^le; for though there were few .men possessed of more'as- 
similatmg powers than OTlaherty, yet certainly his companion 
did put the faculty to the test, for any thing more unlike him, 
there never existed. Tom, all good humour and high spirits — mak- 
ing the best of every thing-^never non-plussed — ne\^er taken 
aback ; perfectly at home whether flirting with a Lady Charlotte in 
her drawing-room, or crossing a grouse mountain in the highlands ; 
sufficiently well read to talk on any ordinary topic — ^and always 
ready witted enough to seem more so. A thorough sportsman, 
whether showing forth in the <* park** at Melton, whipping a trout- 
stream in Wales, or filling a country-house with black cock and 
moor-fowl, an unexceptionable judge of all the good things in life, 
from a pretty ankle to a well hung tilbury — ^from the odda at hazard 
to the " Fomet vintage.** Such, in brief, was Tom. Now' his con- 
frere was none of these ^ he had been drafted from the Galway 
militia to the line ; for some election services rendered by his family 
to the goTernment candidate ; was of a saturnine and discontentea 
habit ; always miserable about soine trifle or other, and never at 
lest till he had dtowned his spirits in Jamaica rum-^which, since 
the regiment was abroad, he had copiously used as a substitute for 
whiskey. To such an extent had this passion gained' upon him, 
that a corporaPs guard was always in attendance whenever he 
dined out, to convey him home to the barracks. » 

The wearisome monotony of a close garrison, with so ungenial 
a companion, would have damped any man's spirits but 0*Pla- 
herty's. He, however, upon this, as other occasions in life, rallied 
himself to make the best of it ; and by short excursions withm cer- 
tain prescribed limits along the river side, contrived to ^ shoot and 
ftsh enough to get through the day, and improve the meagre fare 
9f Mb mess-table. Malone never appeared before dinner — ^his late 



MO GwiWMUiovs or JOABar X4>B|USm«B. 

jnttuigs at night requiriiig all the foUowiag day to secnul him foi a 

IMV attack upon the rum-bottle. 

Now, altiiough his seeing so little of his brother o%er was ditj 
thing but pleasant to O'FIahertv, yet the enmii of such a Ufa was 
giracuially wearing him, aiid all his wits were put in requisition to 
furnish occupation for his time. Never a day passed without his 
praying ardently for an attack from tne enemy; any akernative, 
any reverse, had been a blessing compared with his present life. — 
No such spirit, however, seemed to aiiimate the Yankee troops ; 
not a soldier was to be ssen for miles around, and every straggler 
that passed the Fort concurred in saying that tha Americans were 
B9t within four days' march of the frontier. 

Weeks passed over, and the same state of things remaining un*- 
dianged, O'Flaherty gradually relaxed some of his strictness as 
{to duty ; small foraging parties of three and four being daily per- 
mitted to leave the Fort a few hours, to which tfiey usually re- 
turned laden with wild turkeys and fi^ — ^both being found in 
^reat abundance near them. 

Such was the life of the little garrison for two or thre0long auo^ 
mex months — each day so reseni^bling its fellow,^.thatno -di^reQC^ 
couJd be found. 

As to how the war was faring, or what the aspect of affairs 
jnight be, they absolutely knew liothiug. New^apers never 
^reached them ; and whether from having so much occupation at 
head-quarters, or that the difficulty of sending letters prevented, 
their friends never wrote a line ; and thus they jogged an, a very 
vegetable existence, till thought at last was stagnating in theur 
l^rains, and O'Flaherty half envied his companion's resource in tb^ 
spirit flask« 

Such was the state of affairs as the Fort, when one e^enijcLg;^ 
OTlaherty appeared to pace the little rampart that looked towaco^ 
Lake Ontario, with an appearance (kf anxiety and impatience 
strangely at varian^ce with his daily phlegmatic look. It seemed 
lihat the corporal's party he had despatched that morning to forage^ 
loear the " Falls," had not returned, and already, were four houw 
later than their time away. 

Every imaginable mode of accounting for their absence siiggestr 
ad itself to his mind. Sometimes he feared that ^ey had beett 
attacked by the Indian hunters, who were far from favourably dis- 
posed towards their poaching neighbours. Then, again, it might he 
merely that they had missed their track in the forest; or could it 
he that they had ventured to reach Qoat Island in a canoe, and 
had been c^ried down the rapids? Such were the torturing doubts 
(that passed, as soine shrill squirrel or hoarse night-owl pierced 
•the air with a cry, and then, all was silent again. While thus the 
hours went slowly by, his attention was attracted by a bright light 
in the sky. It appeared as if part of the heavea'^vWi^jre reftectiDg 
some strong glare irom betieath i for as ]j^ looked, the %bt^ v fizst 



eovrmmnm et kaket unms^fHSB. Ml. 



pflfe and caloaihssy gniidmAl3rd«ejpefied into aridiineQow'Iiiiv^i 
at lengthy throngh the murky blackness of the night, a stieng deat 
cutrent of flame rose steadily upvrards from the earthi and poomed 
towards the sky. From the direction, it must haire been either at 
liie Falls, or immediately near them ; and now the beorrible oom,^ 
Tietion flashed upon his mind, that tl^ party had been waylaid b^ 
the Indians, who were, as is their custom, making a war feast met 
their victims. 

Not an insrtant was to be loet. The Kttle ganrtson beat to arms ; 
and as the men fell in, O'Fiaherty cast liis eyes avomid while. Imi 
selected a few braire fellows to accompany him* Scarcely had tlM 
men fallen out from the ranks, when the sentinel at the gate wb0 
challenged by a weil^Jmown roiee, and in a moment more th» 
eorpoval of the fet agnug party was among them. Fatigtie and eK« 
banstion had so oToreome bim, that for some minutes be wai 
epeeehlesB. At length he recoirered sufficiemly to give the follow- 
ing brief account : — 

'< The little pafty having obtained their supply of Tenison above 
Qtfeenstott, were returning to the Fort, whea they sciddenly casm 
n^ion a track of feet, and tittle e jtperience in fbvest life, soon pmved 
that some new arrivals had reached the hunting grounds, for on 
Examining them closely, they proved neither to be Indian traeks, 
tmyet those made by the shoes of liie Fort party. Proceeding 
with caution to trace them bkdtwards for three or ibur miles, they 
rOaohed the bank of the Niagara river, above the whirlpool, wherO 
tfie crossing is most easily effected from the American side. Tiie 
mystery was at once explained : it was a surprise party of the 
Yankees, s^nt to attack Fort Peak, and the only thing to be done 
was to hasten back immediately to their friends, and prepare Hot 
flieir reception. 

With this intent, they took the river path as the ^shortest, bul 
had not proceeded far when their lears were Confirmed ; for in a 
Kttle embayment of the bank they perceived a party of twenty* 
blue coats, who, with their arms piled, were lying round, as t£ 
waiting for the hour of attack. The sight of th^ party added 
preatly to their alarm,' for they now perceived that the Americana 
nad divided their force — ^the foot-tracks first seen being evidentlf 
chose of another division. As the corporal and his few men cos^ 
tinued, from the low and thick brushwood, to make their reco»* 
ttaisance of the enemy, they observed with delight that they were 
not regulars, but a militia force. With this one animating thought^ 
they again, with noiseless step, regained the forest, and proceeded 
upon their warf. Scarcely, however, had they marched a mile, 
when the socmd of vooces and loud laughter apprized them that 
smother party was near, which, as well as they could observe in 
the increasii^ gkKMn, was i^^U larger than the former. They were 
now obliged tio make a considerable circuit, and advance stiU 
deeper into the forest — ^^eir anxiety hourly increasing, leet the 

89* 



9M oomnMiiDM oy uAxn unmrnqgnK. 

after a moment's delay, added-^'^.Pass flag of trace to Ml^or 
Broim^a quarters.'' 

Seareely irsre the words spoken, when thtee officera in seailel^ 
preceded bjr a drummer with a white flag, stood before the Aflse- 
riean party. 

<'To whom may I address myself?" said one of the Brit]sli<^ 
^miko, I may inform my reader, en passanif was no other Aan 
O'JF'laherty — *^ To whom may I address mj$et£ as the offiesr ui 
command?" 

** I am Major Brown," said a short, plethoric Uttle maaiy in a 
Uae unifarm and round bat— <' And who are you?" 

** Major (yplaherty, of his majesty's fifth foot," said Tom, with 
. a very sonorous emphasis on each word*-^the bearer of a ^g ef 
truce and an amicable proportion from Afojor^^Oenei al AUao, com- 
SBsmding the ganason <k Fort Peak." 

The Americans, who were evidently taken by surprise at their 
intentions of attack being known, were silent, whUe he contiiiued — 

^' (xentlemen, it may appear somewhat strange that a garrison, 
possessing the natural strength of a powerful position^upplied 
with abundant ammunition and evei^ muniment of war, should 
despatch a flag of truce on the eve of an attack, ux preference to 
waiting for themomeqt, when a sharp and well^prepared roceptien 
might best attest its vigilance and discipline. But the reasons for 
this stq» are soon explained. In the first plaoe, you intend a suis- 
prise. We have been long aware of your projected attack. Our 
spies have tracked you from your crossing the river above the 
whirlpool to your present position. Every man of your party is 
numbered by us; and, whcU; is still more, numbered by our alUeft 
-«yes, gentlemen, I must repeat it, < allies' — ^though, as a Briton, 
I blush at the word. Shame and dii^ace«for ever be that man's 
p(«tion, who first associated the honourable usages of war with the 
atrocious and bloody cruelties of the savage. Yet so it is: the 
Dela wares of the hills"-— here the Yankees exchanged very pecu- 
liar looks-^< have this morning arrived at Fort Peak, with orders 
-to ravage the whole of your frontier, from Fort George to ^ake 
Erie. They brought us the information of your appiK»c&, jmd 
their chief is, while I speak, making an infamotis proposition, fay 
which a price is to be paid for every scalp he produces in the 
morning. Now, as the general cannot refuse to cooperate with 
&e savages, without compromising himself with the commands- 
in-chief, neither can he accept of such assistance without som^ 
pangs of conscience. He has taken the only course /open to him . 
he has despatched myself and my brother officers here" — O'Fla^ 
faerty glanced at two privates dressed up in his regimentals^^^ tk 
offer you^terms " 

(^Flaherty paused when he arrived thus far, expecting that the 
opposite party would make some reply; but they continued sifcstt: 
when, suddtesly, from the dense forest there rung forth a wild and 



IHNT. 



higbla&der, and ended at iaM 19 a Jotid wimo^ th»t tvos Mhlnd 
riuul fe^edisediagam 9ad again for ^^ 
. J* Hark F'j«udOTUh^y,with>aift accent of hiN^^ 
«m»>cfy W tbe Deiavares ! The ssvufto ane mger ^ dMir jpoif * 
M|iy it yet be time enough to rescue yoa item Boch a, fitfte I Tijem 
tfn8$m--^wci0hoanMeAie^^ admit af diacMiion, 

mad must beat aiuseacceptoditf icjeoted/to yow owaear fldU^ 
ihspaffttlwm.'' 

c Si^iiig wiuchi ha. took Major &*#wii ^aaide, a»d, vaMoag a|iairt 

from the others, led him, by slow steps, into the forest Yndfo 

^P^Ibhefftf coBtiBU^d to. dilate npoii t)»3 atroaitiea of IndiaB tyar, 

:flMd the T*T)eBgeM c^moter of ti» isavagea, he ooirtvlTed io he 

Mdaraya advMidag tan^arda 1^ rirot aide, till at kiagtti the glaae^f 

fj&e ann paroeplible 4trau|^ tiiB gloom. Major Bxowb sbq^pid 

suddenly, and pointed in the direction of the aflame. - 

^ it B the Indian tpieqvet,'' said O^Flahorty, calmly ; <<aad.aa the 

telB i have been detailmg asay be move palp^le to your'mind, 

^fmut shaU «ee them with your owii eyiea. Yes, I repeat it, youaiidQi, 

.ifanragh the cover of Ihis brtBhwoaS, see CaudaaHdaoiragtta bfloa- 

self— for he is wiUiidieaift in pexaou/' • 

As O'Flaherty said this, he led Major Brown, now speechless 
with terror, behind a massive cork tree, from which spot they 
could look down liq^oa the river side, where, in a small creek, sat 
five or six persons in blankets, and scarlet head-dresses ; their faces 
streaked with patches of yellow and red paint, to which the glare 
of the fire lent firesh horror. la the midst sat one, whose violent 
gestures and savage cries gave him the very appearance of a de* 
mon,*as he resisted mtk aU Ms anight the efforts of the others to 
restrain him, shouting like a maniac all the while, and struggling 
ito riae. 

^ << it IS the eiuef,'' tmi O^Plakeity ; << he wiUwaxt no leager. We 
. ^faaive bribed the ethets to keep him quiet, ii poasiUe, a little tiola ; 
4mt I «ee they cannot succeed/' 

A feud yell of triuofiph from below intemiptsd Tom^s speedu 
The infiiriated savage — ^who was no other than Mx. MaloQ)e*-4ia3r- 
m^ obtained the ram bolde, for whbh hn was fighting Vith afl his 
> mgiit-^-'his temper not being iaH>ieifedin the stvng^Ie by oooasfoaal 
^rimoBYtions from the red end ore. -cigar, ap{)lied toJiis naked akin, 
4by the other Indians*-^-«wbe were iuB own seidielBs, acting nnder 
O^Flaherty^s ovders. 

<^ Now,^ sasid Tom, ** liaat fovi have convineed yeorself, and oln ^ 
sacofy yont brother officers, will ymi take your ohanoe? orwiHyea 
aocqit the hononzed^lMriBa of the general**^f>iie yont^^ms, and ne- 
tMat beyond the xmr before daybreak? Your minuets and mMi 
ammkaon wBl oflbr a >brifoe to the capidily of tiie savage, >and deiay 
lu f»nnut tiK ,ymi can reaoii MBW 9^^ 



Ifaknr Biowb boaid the '^sMfomX in sileiiee, and at ktt ^K^m- 
laAoei npon consulting his bsother offioera. 

^< I have autstayed my tiqie/' said O'Flaherty, ^< bnt stop \ the lives 
of so many are at stake, I eonsent.'^ Saying whichrthey walked 
on without speaking, till they arrived where the others were stand- 
ing around the watch-fire. 

As Brown retired to consult with the officers, Tom he«r4 vith 
pleasure how much his two conqpaiuons had worked upon the 
Yankees' fears during his absence, by details of the vindictive 
feelings oi the Delawares, and their vows to annihilate the Buffalo 
militia. 

Before five minutes they had decided. Upon a solemn pledge 
firom O'Flaherty that the terms of the compact were to be observed 
as he stated them, they agreed to march with their arms to the fold, 
where having piled them, they were to cfoss over, and make tte 
best of their way home. 

By sunrise the next morning all that remained of the threatened 
attack on Fort Peak, were the smouldering ashes of some wobd 
fires— eighty muskets piled in the Fort — and the yellow ochre, and 
led stripes that still adorned the countenance of the late Indian <^f 
-^but now snoring Lieutenant Maurice Malene. 



CHAPTER XLVIII. 

TBB COimiaB's PASS^OBT. 



A SBCOKD night succeeded to the long dreary dfiy of the dili 
gence ; and the only one agreeable reflection arose in the feeling 
that every mile travelled, was diminishing the chance of pursuit, 
and removing me still farther from that scene of trouble /and an- 
noyance that was soon to furnish gossip for Pws — ^under the title 
of "The ./?^ai>e O'Zcary.'' 

How ht was ever to extricate himself firom the numerous and 
embarrassiog difficulties of his position, gave me, I confess, less 
uneasiness than the uncertainty of my own fortunes. Luck seem- 
ed ever to befriend him — me it bad always accompanied hx 
enough through life to make its subsequent desertion more pain- 
ful. How far I should blame myself for this, I stopped not to con- 
sider ; but brooded over the fact in a melancholy and discontented 
mood. The 'ione thought uppermost in my mind was, how will 
Lady Jane receive me ? — am I forgotten — or am I only rememb^eed 
as the subject of that unlucky mistake, when, under Uie guise of 
an elder son I was fgted and made much of? What pretensions I 



hmif without fortune, rank, inflaence, or even expectations of any' 
kind, to aeek the hand of the most beautiful girl of the day, with 
the largest fortune as her dowry, I dare not ask myself— the reply ' 
would have dadied all my hopes, and my pursuit would have at 
once been alttndoned. '< TeU the people you are an exceUeht 
preacher/' was the advice of an old and learned divine to a younger 
and less experienced one — ^^tell them so every morning, and 
every noon, and every evening, and at last they will begin to be-' 
lieve it. So thought I. I shdl impress upon the Callonbys that 
I am a most unexceptionable << parti/' Upon every occasion they 
riudl hear it— ^s they open their newspapers at breakfast — as they 
sip their soup at luncheon — as they adjust their napkin at dinner— 
as they chat over their wine at night. My influence in the house 
shall be unbounded — ^n^ pleasures consulted — my dislikes remem- 
bered. The people in favour withxine shall dine there three times 
a*week-*'*4bose less fortunate shall be put into schedule A. My 
opimons on all subjects diall be a law — whether I pronounce upon 
politics, or discuss a dinner : and all this I shall accomplish by a 
successful flattery of my lady — a little bullying of my lord — a de- 
voted attention to ,the youngest sister-^— a special cultivation of Kil- 
kee — and a very prononc6 neglect of Lady Jane. These were my 
half-waking thoughts, as tfie heavy dilig^ce rumbled over the 
pav6 into Nancy ; and I was aroused by the door being siKldenly 
jerked open, and a bronzed face, with a black beard and mous* 
tache, being thrust in among us. 

'^ Your passports, Messieurs," as a lantern was held up in suo- 
cesnon acit>ss our &ces, and we handed forth our crumpled and 
worn papers to the official. 

The night was storm yand dark — gusts of wind sweeping along, 
bearing with them the tail of some thunder cloud — ^mingling their 
sound with a falling tile from the roofs, or a broken chimney-pot 
The officer in vain endeavoured to hold open the passports while he 
inscribed his name ; and just as the last scrawl was completed) the 
lantern went out Muttering a heavy curse upon the weather, he 
thrust them in upon us en masscy and, banging the door to, called 
out to the conducteur, ^ en route J^ 

Again we rumbled on, and, ere we cleared the last lamps of the 
town, the whole party was once more sunk in sleep save myself. 
Hour afler hour rolled by, the rain patteriAg upon the roof, and the 
heavy plash of the horses' feet contributing their mournful sounds 
to the melancholy that Was stealing over me. * At length we drew 
up at the door of a little auberge ; and, by the noise and bustle 
without, I perceived there was a change of hordes. Anxious to 
stretch my legs, and relieve, if even for a moment, the wearisome 
monotony of the night, I got out and strode into the little parlour of 
the inn. There was a cheefful fire in an open stove, beside which 
stood a portly figure in a sheepddn bunta and a cloth travelling 
cap, with a gpld band ; his legs were cased in high Russia leather 



MB fmcrmroirs mm WLMmmr ma\ 

%Mtr, ail wideflt mgm^ the faofiaferiDii of tlnr < 
IflsiiBBta at Bupf er Bot beqpaice llio faet thmt ha vntt aigwri 
fourier. 

<< You kid hetter nmho hnfee with th» honsM^ ABtme, if ymct 
doant wish ihe tpostmastor to faear of it,^ said ha, ao I emmed^Ui 
fBOMBh fillad with pleNcraat «ad Tin de Beioiie, aa ho apoke. 
* A hnafceiMig poafaant, vrMi a Uvusoy aabota, and a atripednii^l;^ 
cat), replied in aonaa imknovm^paioia; whm the eomar igM^ 

'^ Wril^thony tain the diligenoehotaea; ImnatfiBt cm at jdlerantst; 
llhey sae ttot mfm^aaiy VU be hoond ; beaBles, it iriU aai«s the goaoh 
4'aamea aania aoiks of a rids tf thej oveitake thorn here.'' 
■ ^ Have ire another i;ii^ of oor paaaporta here, theaf add X^ 
addoemog the oonrieff, <<Jor we faa^ alieady hoca exanaaoA M 

«' Jioi oKoetlf a o»tf/' said the eoaiaar, oyieing me moat awfi 
otously aa he .lapoke, and theo continuing to eat with hia tenon 
vomcitf . » 

<^ Then what, may I ask, hare we to do witbthegeno^d^annoa?*^ 

•<* It is a search,'' said the cmirier, gntf 7, and with^the air of4 
who deaired no further qij^ationmg. 

I iaunediateiy ordered a bottle cf ifurgandf^and dingtbe ] 
f^blet before him, aaid, with much respect, 

^ A votre bosne Toyage, Monaiexir ie Courier." 

To tliis he at once replied, by taking off Ms cap asd bowing po* 
fitely as he drank off the wine. 

<< Hare we any rnnaway ietoh or a atmy gaierien among w^ 
said I, laughingly, " that they are going to search us?" 

^No, monnear,^«aid the oooriear ; ^^btit tharo has boen a ^o- 
nreiament onder to arrest a person ofi this to^d oeooeoled with iho 
dtreadful Finish plot, that has just eekt&d at Baria. I passed ji 
"vid^tlB of tacvafary at Nane]r,and they witt be up hew in half an 
iiour. 

<^ A Poiteh plot ! Why, i left Paris only two dayaagOf andnemr 
fcnurdofit." 

" C'est bien possible, monsieur ? — ^perhaps, after all, it may cadf 
l)e an affair of the police ; but they have certisdnly airoeted one pri- 
aoner at Meurioe, charged with this, as well as the attempt to rdb 
^ iVascati, and munier the croupier." * 

^ Aias," said I, with a half-ouppressed groan^ ^it iateo tme; that 
vtfernal feiiow, O'Learjr, has ruined me, irad I d&ail be brought back 
to Paris, and only takep from prison to meet the opeii shame and 
agnominyof a public trial." ; 

What was to bedone ? — every moment was pirecioas. I walfaad 
In the door to conceal my aghation. All waa dark and gloesny. 
'l%e thought of escape waa my only i6ne ; but how to accomptirik 
ali fivery stir without auggestad to my anzions mind the e^ 



cr MAMT MUMniwiii 9m 



tte^k ol iKQCNBilmiMnta. 

While I yet hesitated, I felt that my fate was in tlm balanoi. 
Chmcralnent wbese I -wm^ wm imfwwible ;: tfaeie were not mans 
a( obtitniiig.hwats to ptoeetd. My bMt only hope tfieoi inested im' 
the courier ; he, pwba^ aoight lie iirited !• aasist me at this jofto**. 
tBTK SUU lus impre«mii as lo the enooMty of tl^i orime imputed, 
SMght. datecfailh ; and tbefe vnm no tuos. for explaiiatiooy i£ even he ' 
'UKHild liatea toi il. I retumed to the loora^: he had finished hi». 
meal, and was now engaged in all the preparations for eneounle&i 
Mfg^aLwetanddfCBiry n^jte. I hesitate! ;, my fears, that if be shonld 
N&se my offeis, mU chance of my escaqpe was gone, deecned m^ 
fei a maammL At length, as he womd a fairgt woollen ehmwi 
around his throat, and seemed to have completed his costsme^ I. 
siunmoned nerve for the effort, and, wriAi as nuicfa boldness in my 
laeotRler as I cotrid mivtar, said-^ 

, <^ Monsieur le Courier, one word with you.'^ I here dosed iber 
door, and continued. ^ My fortenee^-^fliy whole prospects ki Ufo 
depend upqin my reaching Strasbourg by to-mosrow night. You 
akine«au bi^ the meweof my dQipg'so& Is there^ any price you 
dMs msntii4^f0Br wiksch^ you win render me this service ?-— if m^ 
name it.^' 

^fe, dMB, nKNune1nr,^^ saiii the coum, atewlsf-^^se, then, you 

anihe*^ '' . -^ 

<<Touhave guessed it,'' saidlyiatexntptkig. ^Do yon Mcepi 
mjppvoposa)?'' 

^ It is ioqiossible,.'' said he, ^eKerly impossihie ; for even slioeld 
' I be disposed to run the risk on my own account, it would eviaflt. 
ymr netHing ; tlie>&rst tomn we eqtered^ yon v passport would he de- 
manded, and not being vis6d by the minister to travel en couam^ 
you would at once be detained and arrosfed/' 
* << Then am I lost^" said I, throwing myself open a cbm; at the 
same itistant my passport, which I carried in my breast poek0|i^ 
fell out at the feet of the courier. He lifted it and' opened it fei* 
sesely. ^Sa aigiessed was I by my misicMtunes, thai for some 
lainates I did iioC'peieaive,dMit as he continued to read the pase^ 
port, he smiled from time to time, till at length a hearty fit of bmgl^ 
ing awake me from my abs€raction. My first impulse was to seize 
him by the thseat ; consoling my taixper, however, with an effort 
Iisedd^^ 

^^ And pray, monsieur, may I ask in what manner the positioq 1 
flemd in at (Us moment a^rds you so much anmsernent ? is there 
aof thing so particularly droil — ^any thing so excessively ludicrooe 
ioi my situation — or what pa^rticuia-r gift do you possess that shall 
psevent me throwing you out of the window ?" 



<^ Mais^ monsiemr," said he, half stifled with laughter, ^ do you. 
lie blunder I fell into^ it is really too good. Could youonhr 



know the 

who I took you for,^ yoa would laugh too/' 
30 



990 camrmnfoms or HABtT 

: Hen 1m beoame wo orefoonie with menioieiit^ that he was oh 
liged to sit down, which he did opposite to OBe, aq^ adaally 8h9ok 
with laughter. 

^ When this comedy is OTor/' tbougiit I, ^ we may hoffn to 
understand each other." Seeing no piospect of this^ I beoame at 
length impatient, and jumping on my l^s, eaid^* 

^ Enough, sir, quite enough of this foolery. BelieTe me, yon 
hare every reason to be thankful that my present embanassment 
riionld so far engross me, that I cannot afford time to give you a 
thrashing." 

^Pardon, mille pardons," said he, humbly ; ^ but you will, I am 
sure, forgive me when I tell you that I was stupid enough to mis- 
take you for the fugitive Englishman, whom the gens-d'armes ate 
in pursuit of. How good, eh ?^' 

*^ Oh ! devilish good — but what do you mean ?" • 

<^ Why, the fellow that caused the attack at Frascati, and all that 
and " 

« Tes — ^well, eh ? Did you think I was him ?^ 

^< To be sure I did, till I saw your passport." 
< ^ Till you saw my passport !" Why, what on earth can be 
mean ? thought I. <' No, but," said I, ludf jestingly, ^ how could 
you make such a blunder ?" 

J ^ Why, your confused manner:— your impatience to get on — ^your 
hurried questions, all convinced me. In fact, I'd have wagered 
any thing you were the Englishman." 

*' And what, in heaven's name does he think me now ?" diought . 
If as I endeavoured to join the laugh so ludicrous a mistake oo6tL- 
sioned. 

''But we are delaying sadly," said the courier. ''.Are you 
ready?" 

"Ready — ^rcady for what?" 

" To go on with me, of course* Don't you wish to get early to 
Strasbourg?" • 

"To be sure I do." 

" Well, th^n, come along. But pray,'don't mind your tuggage, 
for my calecAe is loaded. Your instruments can come in the dili* 
gence»" 

. " My instruments in the diligence ! He's mad — that's flat.'-' 

" How they will laugh at Strasbourg at my mistake." 

" That they will," thought I. " The only doubt is, will you join 
inthenierriment?" 

So saying, I fdlowed the courier to the door, jumped into his 
ealechSy and in another moment was hurrying over the pav^ at a 

1)ace that defied pursuit, and promised soon to make up for all our 
ate delay. Scarcely was the fur-lined apron of the cakche but- 
toned around me, and the German blinds let down, when I set to 
work to think over the circumstance that had just befallen me. As 
I had never examined my passport from the moment Trevanion 



cQVwmuMm or m^rx imlm»wzwu HI 

hftaded it to we at Paris, I knew wthuig of its contents ; theiefoie^ 
an to what impressioa it might convey of me, I was totally igno- 
rant. To ask the courier for it now nnght excite suspicion ; so that 
I was totally at sea how to account for his sudden change in my 
faTonr, or in what precise capacity i was travelling beside hinu 
(kice, and onoe mily, the thought of treachery occurred to me. Is 
he about to hand me over to the gras-d'armes? and are we now 
only r#tracing our steps towards Nancy? If so. Monsieur le- 
Courier, wljatever be my fiite, yours is certainly an unenviable 
OM. My reflections on this head were soon broken in upon, for 
my companion again returned to the subject of his '^singular 
error,'' and assured me that he ^as as near as possible leaving me 
behind, under the mistaken impression of my being ^* myself-/' and 
infiHrmed me that /ill Strasbourg would be delighted to see me, which 
latter piece of news was only the more flattering, that I knew no 
one there, nor had ever been in that city in my life ; and after about 
an hour's mystification as to my tastes, habits, and pursuits, he fell 
fast asleep, leaving me tor solve the difficult problem as to whether 
I was not somebody else, or the only alternative — ^whether travel* 
Ihig en courier might not be prescribed by physicians as a mode 
of tteating insane patients. 



CHAPTER XLIX. 

A 9IOHT IN STRASBOtraO. 



With the dawn of day my miseries recommenced \ for after let-^ 
ting down the sash, and venting some very fervent imprecations 
upon the postillion for not going faster than his horses were able, 
tM courier once more recurred to his last night's blunder, and pro- 
ceeded very leisurely to catechise me as to my probable stay at 
Strasbourg, when I should go from thence, &c. As I was still iii 
doubt what or whom he took me for, I answered with the greatestr 
drcumspection — ^watching, the while, for any clue that might lead 
me to a discovery of mysel£ Thus, occasionally evading all push* 
ing and home queries, and sometimes, when hard pressed, feigning 
drowsiness, I passed the lon^ and anxious day — the fear of being 
overtaken ever mingling with the thoughts that some unlucky ad* 
mission of mine might discover my re^^character to the courier, 
who, at any post station, might hand me over to the authorities. 
Could I only guess at the part I am performing, thought I, and I 
might manage to keep up the illusion ; but my attention wfiq^ a6 
entirely engrosHsed by fencing off all his threats, that I o^iJ^ fig^ 
m notlrtng. At last, as night dje^ neftr^the tliQBglli ^^ wa 



iMKi apfrtatfrittg SoaAMv^ itlHed iiIjf ipMtt, tiiggMCiftg iai 
««Mfi6 from alt pnimil, as w^R w the wiAci)in« prapfttt of gvttbi^ 
lii of my present torturer, who, vheftever I awoka ftom a dot^f 
irifirertfed to our slngidaf niee^ with a pertkiacity that afasolatetyr 
fldtened tike tnaliee. * 

<< As I am aware tiiat this io yow tystTisittc SvraAotiiif,^ sod 
tite courier, "* perhaps I ean be of senrioe to you in vecomineirfiDgr 
ft hotel. Pot up, I advise yon, at the <Beat^--a capital faotek^ attA 
not ten mintites' distance from the theatre/^ 

1 thanked him for the counsel ; and, rejoicing iii' the met that nsf 
prototype, whoever he might be, was unknown in the city, begaH' 
t^ fed some little hope of gettingthrovgh this stfrape, as I had dttli* 
ab many others. 

« They have been keeping tlie/ Haguenols' foryemi arrival^ and 
sfl Strasbourg is impatient for your coming/' 

<« Indeed!" said I, mumbling something meant to- be modesl 
^^ Who the devil am I, then, to cause aH tbia fracas? Heavett 
grant, not the new 'prefect,' or the commander of the fovees.^' 

* 1 am told the < ZaubetflStte' is yo«r ftifiouvite opera ?" 

^I cann say that I ever hoard it— 4hs(f is, I swan that I colHt 
say — wdl got up." 

Here I floundered on, having so far forgot myself as to endanger 
every thing. 

<« How very unfortunate t Welt, I hope you will not long have 
as much to say. Meanwhile, here we are — this is the ' Bear.' " 

We rattled into the ample port cochtre of a vast hotels— the' 
postillion cracking bis enestnous whip, and bells ringing on every' 
aide, as if the crown prince of Russia had been the arrival, and not 
a poor sub. in the — ^th. 

The courier jumped out, and running up to the landlord, whis- 
f^^d a few words in his ear, to wMc^ the other answered by a 
Ssep^ <* ah vraimetit'!" and thes saluted me with an obseq«io«ttm» 
tBMit made iny flesh qismke. 

^I shall make *mes iMFmmages' in* the morning," said tkar 
c^^iier, as hb drove off at iidl speed to delivet his* despatches^ anwB 
Mi me to my otrn devices t» perform a character, wittont eveft 
lehig able to guess what it might be. My passport, too, the oidf^ 
Infng that could throw any %bt upon the affair, he had Mfeenr 
abttg unth him, promising to have it visM, and save me* nmf 
mmbki. 

Of all my difficulties and pu^alitig- i^tuatioDs itr life, this waa 
isertainly the worst ; for however often my lot had been to pet»- 
abnate another, yet hitherto I had had the good fortune to be awai^ 
af what afld whom I was performing. Now I might ^be any boiiy 
ftotn Marshal Soult to Monsieur Scribe ; one thing only was c^-^ 
lain, I must be a << celebrity." The confounded pains and tro»* 
Us they were taking to receive me, attested the fact, and left m& 
Id thi% j^efusbg refleetiott that my detection, ihoiiM it tako plaeiv 



troutt ht smre of sitti^^ting a Terf g^tiera) {uiblk^y. Mavktg 
«t&erei my sfupp^ from the landioKly witb ft certain air of reMY^ 
soflfeient even to present an Alsace host from obiriidiiig any qaotM 
tlons npon me, I took m; opportfcmitf to scroll from the inn dawii 
t9 the rirer side. There lay the htoeA, rapid Rhine, sfepamting 
ne, by how narrow a gritf^ frotn that land, trheve, if I onee ar^ 
lived, my safety was certain. Never did that great bomidairi^ of 
nations strike me so forcibly, as now when my own petty kitereeti 
and fortune were at stake. Night was fast settling upon the low^ 
iht banks of the stream, and nothing stirred, save the ceaseless 
npple of the riv^r. *Ohe fishing barque alone was on the water. 
} haifed the solitary tenant of it, and after some Kttle parley, ki- 
diK^ed him to ferry me over. This, however, cotdd only be done 
when the night was felrther advanced — ^it being against the law to 
crosi the river except at certain hours, and between two estab'i' 
Mied points, where ctfBcers of the revemse were st^ipned. The. 
fisherman was easily bribed, however, tcr evade the regulation^ 
Knd only baigained that I shonld meet hhn on the bank before 
daybreak. Having settled this point to my satisfaction, I returned 
ia my hotel in better spirits; and with a Strasbourg pat6, and s 
flfa^ of Nierensteiner, drank to my speedy delivemnce. 
' How to consume the long^ dreary hours between this time anil 
^at of my departure, I knew not^ {or though: greatly fritigued^ I 
ftir that ideep was impos^dbfe; the Qsrial resource of a gossip with 
4be host was equally out of the question; and all that iremahiell 
Was the theatre, which I happily remembered was not fer 6vm 
tfee hotel. 

It wus an opera night, and the house was cn^wded to, excess} 
Ikit with some little management, i obtained a place in a^'boz neaa^ 
Ae stage. The piece wasr ** Les ftanc Masons,*' which wat^ cei^ 
tainly admirably strpported, and drew down from the audience^ 
no mean one as judges of mnsic-^the loudest thunders of applausei 

. As for me, the house was asr great a curiosity as the opera* TiM 
novel spectacle of some hundred people relidiing and apptedating 
the highest order of musical geniiis,'was something^totaHy net(^ 
and surprising to me. The curtain at leiigth fell npon the fiflft 
act — and now the deaffefttng roar of acdamation was tremendous; 

' and amid a perfect shout of enthusiasm, the manager announced 
the opera for the ensuing evening. Scarcely had this subsidec^ 
when a buzz ran through the house; at first subdued, but grada* 
ally getting louder — extending from the boxes to the bakone-* 
from the balcone to the parterre — and finally even to the galleriea 
Groups of people stood upon the benches, and looked fixedly in 
one part of^the house; then changed and regarded as eagerly tlia 
other. 

What can this mean? thought t Is the theatre on fire? Some- 
thing surely has gone wrong! 

V In tins conviction, widi tim contagions stHiric of curiosity, I 

30* 2 Y 



M4 conrxfsxoirs ov habrt x«0BSB4iir««. 

ittoanted upon a seat, and looked about me on every side; but 
unable still to catch the o})ject which seemed to attract the rest, 
as I was about to resume my place^ my eyes fell upon a well- 
known face, which in an instant I remembered was that of my 
late fellow-traveller the courier* Anxious to ayoid his recognitioiiy 
I attempted to get down at onoe; but before I could accomplish it, 
the wretch had peiceiired and recognised me; and I saw him, 
even with a gesture of delighti point me out to some friend^ bed- 
side him. 

<^ Confound the fellow/^ muttered I; << I must leave this at once, 
or I shall be involved in some trouble/' 

Scarcely was my resolve taken, when a new * burst of voices 
arose from the pit — ^the words "PAuteur,'* <<PAuteur," mingling 
with loud cries for <^ MeerJ)erger," " Meerberger,'' to appear. So, 
thought I, it seems the great composer is here. Oh, by Jove ! I 
must have a peep at him before I go. So, leaning over the front 
rail of the box, I looked anxiously about to catch one hasty 
glimpse of one of the great men of his day and coun^. What 
was my surprise, however, to perceive that about two thousand 
fves were firmly xivetted upon the box \ was seated in; while 
about half the number of tongues called out unceasingly, ^»Mr. 
Meerberger — ^vive Meerberger — ^vive PAuteur des Franc Ma^ns 
«-Hrive Franc Magons,'' &c. Before I could turn to look for the 
hero of the scene, my legs were taken from under me, and I felt 
myself lifted by several strong men and held out in front of the 
box, while the whole audience, rising tn nmsse, saluted me^^yes, 
me, Harrv Lorrequer — ^with a cheer that shook the builcbngt 
Fearful of precipitating mvself into the pit beneath; if I made the 
least efibrt, and half wila with terror and amazement, I stared 
about like a maniac, while a beautiful young woman tripped along 
the edge of the box, supported by her companion's band, and 
placed lightly upon my brow a chaplet of roses and laurel. Here 
the applause was like an earthquake. 

" May the devil fly away with half of ye,*' was mv grateful 
response, to^as full a cheer of applause as ever tbe walls of the 
tUMEise re-echoed to. ^ 

^On the stage— on the stage!" shouted that portion of the 
audience who, occupying the same side of the house as myself, 
preferred having a better view of me, and to the stage I was 
accordingly hurried^; down a narrow stair, through a side scene, 
and over half the carps de ballet who were waiting for their 
entrie. Kicking, plunging, buffetting like a madman, they carried 
me to the " flats,'* when the manager led me forward to the foot 
Rights; my wreath pf flowers contrasting rather ruefully with my 
bruised cheeks and torn habiliments. Human bein^, God be 
praised, arp only capable of certain efibrts— ^o that one-half the 
audience were coughing their sides out, while the other were 
tio^rse as buU-frogs from their ^i)th)|isiaspi |p le^ than ^ve minutes 



OQHFjmioirs or HAUT i^OBM^ram. 3&6 

t ^ Ymjfli hftve what my friend Rooney palls a chronic bronchi$U 
tsff this, these three weeks/' said I, ^ that's one comfort/' as I 
bowed my way back to the ^^practicable" door, through which I 
m«de my exit, with the thousand faces of the parterre shouting 
my name, olr, as fancy dictated, thiat of one of my operas. I re- 
lieated behind the scenes, to encounter very nearly as much, and 
at closer quarters, too, as that lately sustained before th^ audience. 
After an emlHrace of two minutes' duration from the manager, I 
ran the gauntlet from the prima donna to the last triangle of the 
ordiestra, who cut away a back button of my coat a^ a << souvenir." 
During all this, I must confess, very little acting was needed oi| 
my part. They were so perfectly contented with their self-decep- 
, tion, that if I had made an affidavit before the mayor — ^if there be 
' such a functionary in such an insane town — they would not have 
believed me. Wearied and exhausted at length, by all I had gone 
tfnrottgb, I sat down upon a bench, and, affecting to be overcome 
by my feelings, concealed my &ce in my handkerchief. This was 
the first moment of relief I experienced since my arrival ; but it was 
not to last long, for the manager, puttii^ down his head close to , 
my ear, whispered-^ 

' ^ Monsieur Meerberger, I have a surprise for you — such as you 
have not had for some time, I venture to say" — ^ 

^ I d<»fy you on this head/' thou^t I. ^ If they make me out 
king Solomon now, it will not amaze me" 

^ And whed I tell you my secret/' continued he* ^<you will dft- 
knowledge I cannot be of a very jeak>us disposition. Madame 
Baptiste has just told me she knew you formerly, and that— Hihe«-* 
that is, you<*^were<*-^in fact, you understand — there had been-HK) 
to 8ay^*--a little < amourette' between you." 

I groaned in spirit as I thought, now am I lost without a chance 
of eseape-*4be da vil take her reminiscencea. 

<< I see/' continued le bon mari, ^<you cannot guess of whom I 
tpilak ; but when I tell you of Amdie Orandet, your memory will, 
perhaps, be better." ^ 

^ Aiqelie Orandet !" said I, with a stage start. J need not say 
that I had nerer heard the name before. <' Amelie Grandet here !" 
' ^ Yes, that she is," said the manager, rubbing his hands ; <^and 
my wife, too" 

<< Married ! Amelie Grandet married ? No, no ; it is impossible 
—I cannot believe it. But were it true — true, maiik me— for worlds 
would I not meet her." 

^ Comment il est drole," said the ntenager, soliloquising aloud ; 
^^for my wife takes it much easier, seeing they never met each 
other since they were fifteen." 

« Ho, ho !" thought I, « the affair is not so bad either — ^time makes 
great changes in that space. And does she still remember me ?" 
said I, in a very Romeo-in-the-gardei^ voicd^ 

<< Why, so far as remembering the little boy that used to play 



Hrfth btfr in ifie orehaM ftt lier modi^r't cwCteffr niwr Vbna^irtid 
-jl^itlt wh<n» she used ta go a boatnig upon the Elbe, I Mievts^ dupi 
HMolleciion is |yerfeet But eome along — ifte imists npoa a e uwig ! 
yotLf and is thia Tery moment waiting supper in oar room §my&m*^ 

^ A thonyogh Oerman she must be/' thought I, ^ wMii her sysu- 
Mtbies and her supper— ^her reminiscenoes and her Bim^ ynmi 
bunting {uncouples through her brain.'^ 

Scmimoning courage from the fhet of our long absence from eadk 
^fAfer, I fcdiowed the manager through a wilderness of pa^ffionsy. 
forests, clouds, and cataracts, and at lengtb aim^ed at a little dooi^ 
at which he knocked gently. 

^Come in/' said a soft voice inside. W« opened, and befas)^ a; 
▼erf beaiitifial young woman, in Tyrolese costmme. She waa to» 
perform in the afterpiece — ^her low boddice and lAost acMlet pcfeli^ 
coat displaying the most perfeel synotnetry of f«sm,.and souadneiR' 
dfproportidn. She was diearing her hair before a low ghssas wa>\ 
eame in, and scarcely turned at our approaeh ; but in an imtao^ mm 
tf some sudden thought had stanick Iwr, she sprang fallyvoiifldyaBd' 
tooting at me fixedly for aboro a mitate-^41. very trying ena Imp 
me — she glanced at her husband, whose countenance piamly in^ 
eated' that she was rigfac, and cD^ling 6nt^*^e^eat ]m*^-&mt bien 
lui,'' threw herseif into my arms, and sobbed C0Bfvalsi?tiy. 

^ K this were to be the only fruits of my impeisonaflio&,'^ dioii|^t 
I, ^ it is not so bad-->-but t am greatly afbiid these good people vriii 
find out a wife and seven babietr for me bofbie ^momifif .^' 
■'- Whether the manager dKmght that enongh hsd been doMr in> 
stage effect, I know not; but ht genlly dis^j^^agNi the kivel)K 
Amelie, and deposited be? upon a soSAi, to> a pla^ upon wfaicii sfato 
speedily motioned me by a look fifoilr a pair of vary sedueiagf biu« 
eyes. . ., • 

<< Francois, mon chore, yon nmst put off La CfaramioFe. icanfli 
pUry to-night.^ 

^ Put it off r Bat only thkik of liie audience, ma flm-^tfaoy mSk 
pull down the house.'' 
' * C'est possible," said she, carelessly. ** If thai will ^a^tfaem 



any pleasure, I suppose they must be indulged ; Imt I, too, 1 
have a Kttle* of my own way. I shall not play*'* 

The tone this was said in — ^the look — ^the easy gesture of eoni* 
inand--^no tess than the afflicted helplassftess of ^ ludcless' hus- 
band,* showed me that AmeHe, however docile asa sweotheisty 
had certainly her own way as a wife. 

While Le d^er Francis ^en retired, to make his psopofitixinto 
the audience, of substituting something for the. Cbaumiero-^o 
<< sudden illiness of Madam Baptiste having pievented her appear* 
ance,"-^we began to renew our old acquantance, by a thousand 
inquiries from tiliat long-past time, when we were ssv^Mthearts and 
lovers. 

^ You remember me, then, so wdl 2'^ snd I# 



'^ As of yesterday. Tou are much taller, and your eyes darker $ 
but still — ^diere is something. You know, however, I have been 
expecting to see you these two days ; and tell me frankly, how do 
you find me looking ^" 

<< More beautiful, a thousand times loiore beautiful than ever- 
all save in one thing, Amelie." 

^ And that is — ;— " 

" You are married." 
I ^S0vr you jest. But let us look hack. Do yen ever 4jHiik on 
any 0C our old coaqmcto ?'' Hero she p«iUed a leaf from a nwh- 
bad IB bei bouquet, md kissed it. ^ I wager you hare feigottM 

.H«w I should have r^pUed te this masonic sign, God kaowv^ 
Imt Ibe muno^er ibrtunatdy watered, to assure us that the audieMir 
lliid fciadly cotosented JBotvto pull down the hovae, butt to listen ta d 
iive act tnigedy inalQad, in which he had to perform the pri»aip«l 
«hasaGler. ^^ So, then, don't wait supper, Amehe ; but take care of 
Monsieur Meerberger tall my reinna.'^ 

Tims, onee mere were we left to our seetvenirs, in which wha»- 
•ver bard pushed myself, i r^ulariy carried due war into the 
eoeasy's camp, by aUusions to iuddieats, whiidi I need not observe 
hsrf, never oocnived. After a thouaand .atories of omr early lei^, 
iiin^d with jm oocaakmal ei^ over their fleeting chamcterf«-ooar 
SBukiigiBg A soft f etrospeet of i^ once happy past — bow moralistiig 
mk the futme-^Amehe and I chatted away i<he houss till the eoft- 
tphnmi of (die tragedy. 

By this time, the hour was approachmg for my departure; sa, 
4iAw a Tory tender feave-taking with Biy new friend and my old 
iomf I left the theatm, and walked ^wly along to the river. 

^.So imich fi)r early associations,'' thought I ; ^ and how maA 
better pleased are we ever to paint the past aocoidiag to our own 
fsacf , than to remember it as it reaily was. Hence lUl the insitfe»- 
jdbW cant about happy in&ney, and ^ the gtorious schoolboy day%' 
.whidi have generally no more foundation in the fact than have tfas 
* Chateaux en Espagne^ we buiLd «p for the future. I wager that 
.theceal Amant d'Enftaee, when he arrives, is not half so great a 
friend with the fair Ametie, as his unworthy shadow. At tte saitte 
lime, I had just as soon that Lady iane should have no < premisis 
4UBOWS' to look back upon, eaxept sooh as I have performed « 
ehaf actMT in.^ 

The plash of oars near me bicdce up my xeAeotions, and.the next 
saoiiMttt found me skimnm^ the rapid Rhkie, as I tiuiught, for the^ 
last thne. What wiU tbey say in Strasbourg to-morrow ? How 
v^ they account for the mysterious dtsappmrance of Monsieur 
^MettrbeKger? Poor Amriie Grandet! Eor so tsompletely had the 
iate incidents engrossed my attentiott, that I had for the moment 
ieet aigfat of the nMist sLagiilax <event of ^— hotr /came to be 
i for tfai iliustowp eonmseer, x ^ 



^ JO 



CHAPTER L. 

A SITRPBI8S. 

It was late upon the fdilowing day ere I awoke from the long 
deep sleep that closed my labours in Strasbourg. In the confimon 
of my waking thoughts, I imagined myself still before a crowded 
and enthusiaftic audience — ^the glare of the foot-lights— the crash 
of the oichestra— the shouts of " ejluteur/^ ^P^uieury^' were all 
^before me, and so completely possessed me, that, as the /waiter 
^entered with hot water, I could not resist the impulse to pull off 
my night-cap with one hand, and press the odier to my heart in 
the usual theatrical style of admowledgmeiits for a most flattering 
reception. The startled look of the poor fellow as he neared the 
4oor to escape, roused me frpm my hallucination, and awakened 
me to the conviction that the suspicion of lunacy might be a still 
beayier infliction than the personation of Monsieur Meerberger. 

With thoughts of this nature, I assumed my steadiest demeaoof 
— ordered my breakfast in the most orthodox fashion— ^at« it like 
a man in his senses ; and when I threw myself back in the wiclDSr 
eonveniency they called a caleche, and bid adieu to Kehl, the 
whole fraternity of the inn would have given me a certificate of 
-sanity before any court in Europe. 

<< Now for Munich/^ said I, as we rattled along down the steep 
street of the little town. ^ Now' for Munidi, with all the speed 
that first of postmasters and slowest of men, the Prince of Tour 
and Taxis, will afford us.'^ 

The future engrossed all my thoughts ; and puzzling as my late 
adventures had been to account for, I never for a moment reverted 
to the past ^ Is she to be mine ?'' was the ever-rising question in 
my mind. The thousand difficulties that had crowed my path 
might long since have t^minated a pursuit where there was so 
little of promise, did I not cherish the idea in my heart, that I was 
fitted to succeed. Sheridan answered the ribald sneers of his first 
auditory, by saying, ^ Laugh on ; but I have it in me, and by — 
it shall come ouf So I whispered to myself. — Go on, Harry. 
Luck has been hitherto against yon, it is true ; but you have yet 
one throw of the dice, and soiikithing seems to say a fortunati^ ooe, 

in store ; and, if so , but I cannot trust myself with audi 

anticipations. I am well aware how little the world sympathises 
with the man whose fortunes are the sport of his temperam^it— 
that April-day frame of mind is ever the jest and scoff of those 
hardier and stumer natures, who^ if never overjoyed by success 
are never much depressed by failure. That I have been cast in the 



mmwMmuatB of urny i4ma»qmwr SU 

jfarmer mould, fhese Confearions have, alas! plainly prored; but 
that I regret it, I fear also, for my character lor sound judgment 
I must answer << No/' 

Better fior to be, 

In utter dariuie« lying, 
Th«i be bleet with light, eaaeee ' 

That light for ever flying, 

is, doubtless, very pretty poetry, but very poor philosophy, ^or 
myself, and some glimpses of sunshine this fair world has afforded 
me, fleeting and passing enough, in all conscience, and yet I am 
not so ungrateful as to repine at my happiness, because it was not 
permanent; as I am thankful for those bright hours of ^^Love"^ 
young dream," which, if nothing more, are at least delightful 
souvenirs. They form the golden thread in the tangled web of 
our existence, ever appearing amid the darker surface around, and 
throwing a fair halo of brilliancy on what, without it, were cold, 
bleak, and barren. No, no — 

Theli^thettiflo 
In wenan'i «ye% 

were it twice as fleeting, as it is ten times more brilliant, than 
the forked lightning, irradiates the dark gloom within us, for manv 
a long day after it has ceased to shine upon us. As in boyhood K 
is the humiliating influence tlutt tempers ^e fierce and unraly 
passions of our nature, so, in manhood, it forms the goal to whida' 
all our better and higher aspirations tend, telling us there is some- 
thing more worthy than gold, and a more lofty pinnacle of ambition 
dian the praise and envy of our fellow-men ; and we may rest 
assured, that when this feeUpg dies within us, all the ideal of ^ 
^life dies with it, and hothing remains save the dull reaUty of our 
daily cares and occupations. <M have lived and have loved,'^ 
saith Schiller ; and if it were not that there seems some tautology 
in the phrase, I should say, such is my own motto. If Lady Jane 
but prove true — ^if I have really succeeded — ^if, in a word — ^but 
why i^culate^uponsuch chances? — ^what pretensdons have t} — 
what reason to look for such a prize ? Alas! and alas ! were I to 
catechise myself too closely, I fear that my houses' heads would 
lace towards Calais, and that I shall turn myrback upon the only 
prospect of happiness I can picture to myself in this world. In 
reflections such as these, the hours rolled over, and it was already 
late at night when we reached the little village o{ Merchem. While 
fiesh horses were being got ready, I seized the occasion to partake ^ 
of the table d^hote supper of the inn, at the door of which the 
diligence was drawn up. Around the long, and not over-scnipu 
iously clean table, sat the. usual assemblage of German <<Eilwa 
gm''— «moking, dressing salad, knitting, and occasionally picking 
'<heir teeth with their forks, until the soup should make its appeeo^ 
Taking my place amid this motiey assemlAiige of mustaohioed 



■hiplmpam tod mltaaumviAf^fMoaa^ fBowm, lui 
kow \mig hammm pslienfio QOttid«ndoDe noh 09mpaBBcm|iip,nMriMi 
my attentioa was aroused by hearing a persoa near ns Mnwitii tb 
his friend the c^cumstances of my debui at Strasbourg, with cer- 
tain marginal notes of his own that not a little surprised me. 

<< And so it turned o«t set to be Meerbeifer, after all/' said the 
listener. 

. 4 <<0f course noV' replied the other, <^ Meerbaiger's panpooft 
was stolen from him in the diligence by this English t^croc, and the 
consequence was, that our poor countryman was arreste)), iim 
cibex naasport being found upon him; while the Engliabman, 
jproceeoing to Strasbourg, took his benefit at the opera, and waUcejl 
Away with about twelve thousand florins." 

<< Sappeimint," mid the other, tossmg off hia beer. ^^ He mait 
liave been a clever fellow, though, to lead the orchestra in tb0 
Tranc Magons/' 

<< That is the most astonishing part of all f for they say in StCM- 
bom^ that his performance upon the violin was far finer than 
Paganini's ; but there seems «ome secret in it, after all: for Madam 
Baptiste swears that he is Meerberger ; and in fact the matter is 
ifiur fren being eleitfred up--4iiDr can il foe titt ibe is apprebesd^ 

<< Whidh slutll not be for sovie tione to 4»me," said I to mf self, 
SLSySli^pfHng noiselessly firom tba voom, I seigaiosd my <<iealeid)e," 
«ni in ten nunutes owre was proeeediof on my joajsoey. So mush 
lifor eerrect information, thought I. One ihing» tuowevar, ia oMam 
««4o the dianoe interchange of pawports I owe myjafiity^ wMn 
4he additional satiflfaeti0n that wuj litde Qcarman aoquaintano^ m 
•wping a pleasant retzibutiM for all his w^rty and anaoyaiiee at 
me in the eoupi. 

Only be wha kas toiled ov^ the weavy miles of a long jomwiir 
«--«xdnsively eccaipied with one thougbt*«*one «v«qK>wemg toA- 
ing— <an adequately commiserale wuf impatieat anxtiett aa ^ 
days rolled slowly, ov^ lon the long tiresame cead that leads firom 
tjbe Blune to the south of Geormaiqr^ 

The morning was breaking on ihe fourth day ^ asy journey m 
4ba tall sptees of Munich rose to my view, amid the duU and said 
jdssmrtofsandthatcityispiareedin. Attest! was my exclamrtMni 
«B the postillion tapped at the window vrUti his whip,«Mldi0n 
fointnd towards the city. At last! Oh! what wonid be the eoskasr 
^ my foelihgs now, could I exchange the torturing anxieliea ii 
auspense for the glorious certainty my heart thrabs for; newonsy 
journey is nearing its end to see me claim mB my own what I si«w 
barely, aspire to in Ike sanguine hope of a heart that wiU Mt 
despair. But chew up, Harry. It is a noUe slalm yen play for', 
and it is ever the bold gimbler that wins. Scmcely was fins 
laieotion made, half aJaud^ when a sadden shock tbaew me fosaiL 
miy Mat J feU towards 4he doer, which, iMiisting ^len, laundMb 
ttM ent vqpon the niady 4^ the sasna moHiant ihal the tei^ 



tree of the caleche had upset it on the opposite side, carrying ow 
borae along with it, and leaving tlie other with the postillion on 
his back, kictdeg aiKi plunging with all his might. After assisting 
the frightened f^iow to dismount, and having cut the traces of the 
restive animal, I then perceived that in the mel6e I had not escaped 
•cathelesa. I could barely stand ; and, on passing my hand upon 
my insftp, parceiv'ed I had sprained my ancle in the fall. The day- 
was only toeaking, no one was in sight, so that after a few minutes' 
oonsideration, the best thing to do, appeared to get the other horse 
m>on hii^ legs, and despatching the postilUon to Munich, then about 
three leagues distant, for a carriage, wait patiently on the road- 
nde for his return. No sooner was the resolve made than carried 
into execution , and in less than a quarter of an hour from the 
moment of the aecident, I was seated upon the bank, watching the 
tetiring figure of the postillion, as he disappeared down a hill, pn 
hia way to Munich. When the momentary burst of impatience 
was oyer, I could not help congratulating myself, that I was so &r 
&rtiinate in reaching the end of my journey ere the mischance 
lefeil me. Had it occurred at Stuttgard, I really think that it would 
kave liaif driven me distracted. 

I was not long in my present situation till a number of peasants, 
with bioad-brimmed hats, and many*buttoned coats, passed on 
their way to work ; they all saluted me respectfully; but although 
tiiey saw the broken carriage, and might well guess at the naiure 
of my accident, yet not one ever thought of .proffering his services, 
or even indulging curiosity, by way of inquiry. " How thoroughly 
Gennan,'' thought I; ^^ these people are the Turks of Europe, 
slupified with tobacco and ' starkes bier.' They have no thought 
for any thing, but^ theinselves, and their own immediate occupa- 
tions." Perceiving at length one whose better dress and more 
intelligent took bespoke a rank above the common, I made the 
effort with such <^ platt deutoh" as I could muster, to ask if there 
were any house neftr, where I could remain till the postillion'sr 
return ? and learned, greatly to my gratification, that by taking the 
]Mith which led through a grove of pine trees near me, I s^uld 
find a chateau ; but who was the proprietor he knew not ; indeed 
the people were only newly comue, ajtid he believed were foreign^Bi. 
Snglish he thought 0, how my heart jumped as I said, ^^ Can^ 
daey be the CallonbyB; are they many in the family; are there ladies 
-^young ladies, among them?" — he knew not. Having hastily 
strranged with my new friend to watch the carriage till my return, 
I took the path he shewed me, and smarting with pain at every 
8^, hurried along as beet I could towards the chateau. ,1 had 
non walked many naiautes, when a break in the i«ood gave me a 
▼lew of th^ old manaion, and at oncf dispelled the^ illusion that 
wu momentarily gaiatiig upon me* ^^ They could not be the CaJ* 
iMbys." The houas was .old ; and tho\ig^ it had once been a fine 
and handecMoe sitnictuve, exhibited now abundant traci^ of deceit ; 
SI * 2 Z 



562 coHFX88ioir8 or ba&bt lobsb^itxx. ^ 

ibe rich cornices which supported the roof had &Um in many 
places, and lay in fragments upon the terrace beneath ; die portico 
of the door was half tumbling ; and the architrares of the windows 
were broken and dismantled, the tall and once richly ornamented 
chimneys, were bereft of all their tracery, and stood bolt upright in 
idl their nakedness above the high pitched roof. A straggling ^' jet 
d'eau" was vigorously fighting its way amid a mass of creeping 
shrubs and luxuriant lichens that had grown around and above a 
richly carved fountain, and fell in a shower of sparkling dew upon 
the rank grass and tall weeds around. The gentle murmur was 
the only sound that broke the stillness of the morning. 

A few deities in lead and stone, mutilated and broken, stood like 
the Qenii loci, guarding the desolation about them, where an old, 
superannuated peacock, with drooping, ragged tail, was the only 
living thing to be seen. All bespoke the wreck of what once was 
great and noble, and all plainly told me that such could not "be the 
abode of the Callonbys. 

Half doubting that the house was inhabited, and half scrupling, 
if so, to disturb the inmates from their rest, I sat down upon the 
terrace steps and fell into a fit of musing on the objects about. That 
strange propensity of my countrymen to settle down in remote 
and unfrequented spots upon the continent, had never struck me 
so forcibly ; for although unquestionably there w^re evident traces 
of the former grandeur of the place, yet it was a long past great- 
ness; and in the dilapidated walls, broken statues, weed-grown 
walks^ and dark and tangled pine grove, there were more hints foi 
sadness than I should willingly surround myself by' in a residence. 
The harsh grating of a heavy door behind roused me ; I turned ' 
and beheld an old man in a species of tarnished and worm-eaten 
livery, who> holding the door, again gazed at me with a mingled 
expression of fear and curiosity. Having briefly explained th& 
circumstances which had befallen me,* and appealed to the broken 
caleche upon the road to corroborate a testimony that I perceived 
needed such aid, the old man invited me to enter, saying that h» 
master and mistress were not risen, but that he would himself give 
me some breakfast, of which by this time I stood much in want. 
The room into which I was ushered, corresponded well with the 
exterior of the house. It was large, bleak, and ill furnished j the 
ample, uncurtained windo^irs ; the cold, white pannelled walls ; the 
uncarpeted floor ; all giving it an air of uninhabited misery. A 
few chairs of the Louis-quatorze taste, with blue Velvet linings, 
faded and worn, a cracked marble table upon legs that once had 
been gilt ; two scarcely detectable portraits of a mail-clad hero and 
a scarcely less formidable fair, with a dove upon her wrist, formed 
the principal articles of ^rniture in the dismal abode, where so 
*^ triste^^ and depressing did every thing appear, that I half regret- 
ted the curioMty that had tempted me from the balmy air, and 
cheerful morning without, to the gloom and solitude around me 



. e0N7SSSI0KS 07 HABRl)^ LORBEQUER. 363 

TPhe old mdn soon reappeared with a not despicable cup of 
*^Cafe novr^^ and a piece of bread as large as a teaspoon, and used 
by the Germans pretty much in the same way. As the adage of 
the " gift horse" is of tolerably general acceptation, I eat and was 
thankful, mingling my acknowledgments from time to time with 
some questions about the owners of the mansion, concerning whom 
I could not help feeling curious. The ancient servitor, however, 
knew little or nothing of those he served ; his master was the ho- 
nourable baron ; but of his name he was ignorant ; his mistress was 
young, they had not been many months there ; they knew no one 
— ^bad no visitors — ^he had heard they were English, but did not 
know it himself; ^they were "gute Leute," "good people,'* and 
that was enough for him. How strange did all this seem, that two 
people, young too, should separate themselves from all the attrac- 
tions and pleasures of the world, and settle down in the dark and 
dreary solitude, where every association was of melancholy, every 
object a text for 9ad reflections. Lost in these thoughts I sat dowa 
beside the window, and heeded not the old man as he noiselessly 
left the room* My thoughts ran on over the strange phases in 
which life presents itself, and how little after all external influences 
have to do with that peace of mind whose origin is within. The 
Indian whose wigwam is beside the cataract, heeds not its thun- 
ders, nor feels its sprays as they fall in everlasting dews upon him;' 
the Arab of the jdesert sees no bleakness in those never ending 
plains, upon whose horizon his eye has rested from childhood to 
age. Who knows but he who inhabits this lonely dwelling may 
have once shone in the gay world, mixing in its follies> tasting of 
its fascination ; and to think that now — r-the low murmurs of the 
pine tops, the gentle rustle of the water through the rank grass, 
and my own thoughts combining, overcame me at length, and I 
slept — ^how long I know not ; but when I awoke, certain changear 
about showed me that some length of time had elapsed ; a gay 
wood fir§ was burning on the hearth; an ample breakfast covered 
the table ; and the broad sheet of the " Times'' newspaper was 
negligently reposing in the deep hollow of an arm chair. Before 
I had well thought how to apologise for the cool insouciance of 
my intrusion, the door opened, and a tall, we^ built man entered ; 
his shooting jacket and ^iters were evidence of his English origin, 
while a bushy mustache and most ample " Henri quatre" nearly 
concealed features, that still were not quite unknown to -me; he 
stopped, looked steadily at me, placed a hand on either shoulder, 
and calling out, "Harry — Harry Lorrequer,by all that's glorious!" 
rushed from the room in a transport of laughter. 

If my escape from the gallows depended upon my guessing my 
friend, 1 should have submitted to' the last penalty of the law ; 
never was I so completely nonplussed. Confound him, what does 
he mean by running away in that fashion ? It would serve him 



M4 Confessions of harjit xoBUainuu 

tight were I to deeamp by one of the viadows before he comes 
lM)ck ; but hark ! some one is approaching. 

<^ I tell you I cannot be mistaken^'' said the man's voice firom 
without 

^Oh, impossible !" said a lady-like accent that seemed not h^rd 
by me £6r the first time. 

<< Judge for yourself; though certainly the last tipie you saw him 
may coi^fuse your memory a little.*' 

^What the devil does he mean by that?'' said I, as the door 
opened, and a very beautiful young woman came forward, who, 
afier a moment's hesitation, called but — 

** True, indeed, it is Mr. Lorrequer, buf he seems to have for- 
gotten me." 
The eyes, the lips, the tone of the voice, were all familiar. 
' What ! can it be possible? Her companion, who bad now entered, 
stood behind her holding his sides with ill suppressed mirth; and 
at, length called out — 
<^ Harry, my boy, you scarcely were more discoB:y)osed the hst 

sooming we parted, when the yellow plush ^" 

** By Jove, it is," said I, as I sprang forward, and seizing my fiiir 
friend in my arms^ saluted upon both cheeks my quondam flame, 
Miss Kamworth, now the wife of my old friend Jack Wetller, of 
whom I have made due mention in an early chapter of these Con- 
fe^ions. 

Were I given a muster roll of my acquaintances, to say which 
of ^ them might inhabit this deserted mai:ision, Jack Waller would 
certainly have been the last I should have selected — ^the gay, lively, 
dashing, high-^spirited Jack, fond of society, dress, equipage, living 
greatly in the world, known to and liked by everybody, of 
universal reputation. Did you want a cavalier to see your Wifo 
through a crush at the opera, a friend in a duel, a rider for your 
kicking horse in a stiff steeple chase, a bow oar for your boat at a 
rowing match, Jack was your man. Such then was my surprise 
zX finding him here, that although there were many things I longed 
to inquire about, my first question was — 
" And how came you here ?" / 

"Life has its vicissitudes," replied Jack, laughing; "many ' 
stranger things have ^omc^ to pass than my'reformation. But first 
of all let ^s &ink of breakfast ; you shall have ample satisfaction 
for all yoUr curiosity afterwards." 
. " Not now, I fear ; I am hurrying on to Munich." 

" Oh, I perceive; but you are aware that- — ^your friends are 
not there." 

" The Callonb]^ not at Munich !" said I, with a start / 

"No; they have been at Saltzburgh, in the Tyrol, for 8om» 
weeks; but don't fret yourself, they are expected to-morrow in 
tmie for the cdiurt masquerade ; so that until then at le^st you ar^ 
my guest." 



Oveijojred at tiiis ioformatioi^ I tvrned npy attantion lovaMi 
mdtme, whom I found much improved; the embonpoint of wor 
■umhood had still further increased the charms of One who iiad 
always been handsome ; and I eouU not help acknowledging thai, 
my friend Jack^was wamuotafale in any scheme for securiitg suoh. 
a prize. ^ 



CHAPTER L. 

JACK WALLSa's STOmY. 



T^x day passed quickly over wilh my newly-found friends^ 
whose curiosity to karn my adventures since We parted, an* 
tieipated aae in my wish to learn theirs. After an early dinner^ 
however, with a fresh 1<^ upon the hearth, a crusty fU^k of ie4 
lierrmitage before us, Jack and I found ourselves alone and al 
fiberty to speak ireely together. ^ 

^I scarcely could have expected such would be our meetings 
Jaek/' said I, " from the way we last parted.'' 

* Yes, by Jove, Harry ; I believe I behaved but shabbily to yoa 
in that affair ; but ^ Love and War,' you know ; and besides we 
had a distinct agreement drawn up between us." 

^ All true ; and after all you are perhaps less to blame than my 
own misemble fortune, that lies in wait to entraj^ and disappoial 
me at every turn in lifo. Tell me, what do you know of the Cal* 
lonbys?" 

^ Nothing penKNially ; we have met tbeai at dinner, a visit passed 
iiibsequentty between us, <et voila tout;^ they have beea scenery 
hunting, picture hunting, and all that sort of thing since their 
Arrival : and rarely much in Muni^ ; but how do you stand Aere;. 
to be or hot to be — eh ?" 

<< That is the very question of ali others I would foia solve; and 
yet am in most complete ignomnce of all about it; but the tima 
approaches which must decide aU. I havsk neither temper nof 
patience for further contemplation of it; so here goes^ success to 
the enterprize." 

<*0r,^' said Jack, tossing off his glass at the moment, ^^or^aa 
^ey would say in Ireland, < Your heiedth and inclinajtieos, if thej 
be virtuous.' " 

<< And now. Jack, tell me something ot your own fortunes sin6a 
the d?iy you passed me in the post-chaise and four." . | 

" The story is soon told. You remember that when I carried off 
Mary, I had no intention of leaving England whatever: my object 
was, after making her my wife, to open negotiations with the oU^ 

, 31* 



366' conikssioirs or hakbt loeks^91ik« 

ookm^l, and after th» appmred routine of penileiitial lettera, iod- 
ploring fo^veness, and setting forth happiness only wanting 
tas sanction to make it heaven itself, to have thrown ounehres 
at his feet ^selon les rigl/u^ sobbed, blubbered, blew our noses 
and dressed for dinner, very comfortable inmates of that parti- 
cularly snfig residence, 'Hydrabad Cottage." Now Mary, who 
behaved with great courage for a couple of days, after that got 
low spirited and depressed ; the desertion of her father, as ^e 
called it, weighed upon her mind, and all my endeavours to rally 
and comfort her, were fruitless and unavailing. Each day, how- 
ever, I expected to hear something of, or from, the colonel, thaa 
would put an end to this feeling of suspense ; but no — three weeks 
xoUed on, and although I took care that he knew of our address, we 
never received any communication. You are aware that when I 
married, I knew Mary had, or was to have, a large fortune; and that 
I myself had not more than enough in the world to pay the common 
expenses of our wedding tour. My calculation was this; the recon- 
ciliation will possibly, what with delays of post, distance, and deli- 
beration, take a month — say five weeks — ^now,at forty pounds per 
week, that makes exactly two hundred pounds — such being the 
precise limit of my exchequer, when, blessed with a wife, a man and 
a maid, three imperials, a cap-case, and a poodle, I arrived at the 
Royal Hotel, in Edinburgh. Had I been Lord Francis Egerton, 
with his hundred thousand a year, looking for .a new < distracti<m,' 
at any price ; or still more — ^were I a London shopkeeper, spending 
a Sunday in Boulogne sur Mer and trying to find out something 
expensive, ds he had only one day to stay, I could not have more 
industriously sought oiit opportunities for extravagance, and ea^h 
day contrived to find out some two or three acquaintances to 
bring home to dinner. And as I afiected to have been married 
for a long time, Mary felt less g^nee among strangers, and we 
got on famously ; still the silence of the colonel weighed upon 
her mind, and although she partook of none of my anxieties firom 
that source, being perfectly ignorant of the state of my finances, 
she dwelt so constantly upon this subject, that I at length yielded 
to her repeated solicitations, and permitted her to write to her 
father. Her letter was a most proper one ; combining a dutiful 
regret for leaving her home, with the hope that her choice had 
been such as to excuse her rashness, or at least, palliate her faults 
It went to say, that her father's acknowledgment of her, was all 
she needed or cared for, to complete her happiness, and akcing for 
* his permission to seek it in person. This was the substance. of the ' 
letter, which, upon the whole, satisfied me, and I waited anxiously 
for the reply. At the end of five days the answer arrived, it 
was thus : — I 

^Dear Mary:— -You have chosen your own path in life, and 
' having done to, I haveneitber the right nor ^idination to interfere 



coNnssioirs OF harst loeas^itxp. '' 96? 

witfi yaiir decision ; I shall neither Tecdre yoos nor the person yoa 
have made yotir husband ; and to prevent any further disappoint- 
ment, inform you that, as I leave this to-morrow, any future letters 
you might think proper to address, will not reach me. 

« < Yours very faithful, 
Hjdimbfld Cottage. ^ ^^^C. KamwORTB/ 

<<This was a tremendous coup, and not in the least anticipated, 
by either of us ; upon me the effect was stunning, knowing as I 
did, that our ikst diminishing finances were nearly expended. 
Mary on. the other hand, who neither knew nor thought of the 
exchequer, rallied at once from her depression, and after a hearty 
lit of crying, dried her eyes, and putting her arm round my. neck, 



<* < Well, Jack, I must only love you the more, since papa will 
not share any of my affection/ 

« * I wish he would his purse though,' muttered I, as I pressed 
her in my arms, and strove to seem perfectly happy. 

*^ I shall not prolong my story by dwelling upon the agitation 
this letter Cost me ; however, I faikd yet a hundred pounds left, and 
an aunt in Harley-street, with whom I had always been a favour- 
ite. ' This thought, the only rallying one I possessed, saved me for 
the time ; and as fretting was never my forte, I never let Mary 
perceive that ariy thing had gone wrong, and managed so well in 
this respect, that my good spirits raised hers, and we set out for 
London one fine sunshiny mcHrning, as happy a looking couple as 
ever travelled the north road. 

<* When we arrived at the ^ Clarendon,' my first care was to get ^ 
into a cab, and drive to Harley-street. I rung the bell ; and not * 
waiiting to ask if my aunt was at home, I dashed up stairs to the.. 
drawing-rocHn ; in I bolted, and instead of the precise old Lady 
Lilfbrd, sitting at her embroidery, with her fat poodle beside her, 
belaid a strapping looking fellow, with a black moustache, muking 
fierce love to a young lady on a S0& beside him. 

<<<Why, how is this — 'I really — ^there must be some mistake 
here.' In my heart I knew that such doings in my good aunt's 
dwelling were impossible. ^ 

<< < I should suspect there is, sir,' drawled out he of the nsous- 
tache, as he took a very cool survey of me through his class. 

<< < Is Lady Lilfbrd at home, may I ask,' said I, in a vlry s^olo- 
getic tone of voice. 

<<^I havn't the honour of her ladyship's aoquaintainoe,' replied 
he in a lisp, evidently enjoying my perplexity, which was every 
moment becoming more evident. 

" \ But this is her house,' said I, * at least ^ 

"<Xady Lilford iss at Paris, sir,' said the young li^y, who now 
. q[)oke for the first time. < Papa has taken the house for the maurnkp 
mi that may perhaps aeooiiiLt for your oystake/ 



m eeirf««8roiis bv babby ix>b«s^0bb. ^ 

« What I m\itl«red by way of ftpology finr mj iturafliea, I kMW 
iMrt; but I stammered'-Ahe yoong lady bloajbed — thebeao ehnckied 
aad tomed.to the midow, atid when I foond myself ki Ihe street, 
I scarcely kneir whether to langh at my blander, or enrse my Hb* 
appointmeDt. 

^ The next moraing I called upon my aunt's lawyer, and hanig 
obtained her address in Paris, sauntered to the < Junior Club/ to 
write her a letter before poat bem. As I scanned ever the morning 
papers, I could not help sniling at the flaming paragmph whic^ 
amiounced my marriage to the only daughter and heiress <tf the 
miUionaire, Colond Kamworth. Not well knowing how to ope» 
the correspondence with mv wor#iy rdatii^e, I folded the paper 
oontaintng the news, and addressed it to < Lady Lilford, Hotel de 
Bristol, Paris.' 

^ When I arrived at the ' Clarendon,' I found my wife and her 
maid surrounded by cases and bandboxes ; laces, satins and velvets 
were displayed on all sides, while an emissary from * Storr and 
Mortimer' was arranging a grand review of jewellery on a side 
table ; one half of which would have ruined the Rajah of Mysore, 
tK> purchase. My advke was immediately called into requisition ; 
and pressed into service, I had nothing left for it, but to canvass, 
oriticis^, and praise, between times, which I did, with a good 
grace, considering that I uitieipated the * Fleet,' for every :floQnoe 
of ValencienneB laoe; and could not hdp'a«»Bociating a rid) dia- 
mond aigrette, with hard labour for life, and the climate pf New 
South Wales. The utter abstraction I was in, led to some awk« 
ward contre temps ; and as my wife's enthusiasm for the purchases^ 
ifioreased, so did my reverie gain grouncl. 

^ < Is it not beautifttl, lack ? — how dehoatdy worked^t musl 
have taken a long time to db it' 

<<^ Seven years,' i mattered, as my dumghts ran «pon a v^ 
different topic. 

<<<0h, no-^-not so much,^ saM she, laughing; 'and it mnst be 
fluch a hard thing to do.' 

<<< Not half so hard as Warding wool, or pounding oystw shells.' 

^ < How absuid you are. W^U, I'll take this, ft will loc^ so w4» 
-in ' 

« < Botany Bay,' said I, witfi a usigh that sel afl the patty laugh- 
ing, whidi at last roused me, and enabled me to join in the jioke. 

*< As, at length, one halLof the room became filled with millinery, 
and the other glittered with jewels and bijouterie, my wife grew 
iMsory wilh her ew^rtions, and we found ourselvep alone. 

^ When I told her that my aunt had taken up her residenoe in 
Paris, it immediately occurred to her, how pleasant it wofild be te 
go there too; and,«kboii^ I concuned in the opinion for very 
difiereat reasons, it wan at lei^ftfa decided we should do so ; and the 
4Mky diffi^lty n0^ exited as to the means, for though the duSiy 
papers teem with ^four ways tp go isom Lendoii ^o P«ris|'*th^ 



dt fescArdd Ihamsehras into one, and that om, unfiirtuiialely ta moi 
th» mo^ difficult and impraeticSGiUe — ^by money. 

* There was, howoTer, one last resource open*-4ho sale of isy 
oenHiMsiton. I will not dwell upon what it/ cost me i^solvfi 
upen this--4he determination was a painful one, but it was soon 
conae to, and before five o^clock that iky, Cox aod Greenwood bad 
got their instruclions to^ tell ool for mo, and had advanced a tbojoh 
sand pounds of the puvefaaae. Our IhU settled'-^^he waiters bowing 
toUho ground '(it is your ruined man that is "always most liberal^ 
— the post-horses harnessed, and impatient for the road, I took my 
plaoe beside my trifoj while my vaiet held a parasol oif^t the sou- 
brstte in the VumMe, all in the approved &ahi(Mi of those who havo 
an milimitod credit with Ckmtts Md Drummond; the whips cracked^ 
the leaders capered, and with a patronising bow to the proprietor 
of thia * Clarendon,* away we rattled to Dover. 

^ After the usual routine of sea^kness, fatigue, and poisonoua 
cookery, we reached Paris on the fifth, day, and put up at the ^HotoA 
de Loiidres,' Place Vendome. 

^ T& have an adequate idea of the state of my feelings as I trod 
the splendid apartments of this princely hotel, surround^ by every 
luxury that wealth can procure, or taste mj^gest, you must imagine' 
the oondition of a^ man, who is regaled with a sumptuous banquet 
on the eve of his execution. The inevitable termination to all my 
present splendour, was never for a moment absent from my thoughts, 
and the secrecy with which I was obliged to conceal my feeltnga^ 
formed one of the greatest sources of my notisery,^ The coup, tvhen 
it does oome, will be sad enough, and poor Mary may as well have 
,the comfort of the deception, as long as it lasts, without suffering . 
as I do. Such was the reasonii^ by which I met every resolve lo 
break to her the real state of our finances, and such the frame of ' 
mind in which I spent my days at Paris, the only really unhappy 
ones I can ever charge my memory with. 

** We had scarcely got setlJed in the hotel, whoi my aunt, who 
inhabited the opposite side of the * Place,* came over to see isst and 
wish us joy. She had seen the paragraph in the Post, ai)d like all 
other people with plenty of money, fully api^roved a nmfteh like 
mine. 

^She wds delighted with Mary, and despite the natural reserve 
of the old maiden lady, became actu